Cmwa august 2013

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Legal Corner Hilary Bricken sifts through the latest crop of cannabis bans and what they mean.

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Slightly Stoopid is on top of the world!

Top Notch

ON THE COVER: Photo by Jeff Farsai

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Incarceration Nation The plight of Marc Emery affects all prisoners—and all of us.

Breaking the Mold Why going with lab-tested MMJ is the best way to go.

16 Twice as Nice

20 Heavy Hitters

Americans For Safe Access take on the U.S. Supreme Court. Again.

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Letter from the Editor The Greeks were right about a lot of things.

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News Nuggets Cannabis makes headlines here, there, everywhere— and we give you the scoop—PLUS our latest By the Numbers.

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features 14

departments

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Lord Dying’s mission: making music to bang your head to.

Destination Unknown Siquijor in the Philippines offers visitors a taste of magical moments.

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Profiles in Courage Our latest feature provides insight into the life—and struggle—of a medical cannabis patient near you.

Strain, Edible & Concentrates Reviews Our ever-popular sampling of amazing strains, edibles & concentrates currently provided by your friendly neighborhood dispensary.

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Cool Stuff From VapirRise to California’s Finest Premium Grade Marijuana Cigarettes, if it’s a cutting-edge product or cool lifestyle gear, we’re all over it.

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Recipes Time to celebrate Kate Middleton’s new poppet! Who’s hungry for some traditional Brit vittles?

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Entertainment Reviews The latest films, books, music and more that define our culture.

Photo by MichaelL Wientrob

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letter from the editor

Vol 5 IssUE 2

rnandez e H . C o t r Rob e Ch i e f Editor-In-

GET YOUR CLICK HERE

CULTURE Publisher

Jeremy Zachary

Editor-in-Chief

Roberto C. Hernandez

Arts & Entertainment Editor

www.iReadCulture.com

Evan Senn

Editorial Contributors

Dennis Argenzia, Omar Aziz, Stephanie Bishop, Hilary Bricken, David Burton, Michael Carlos, Grace Cayosa, Jasen T. Davis, Philip Dawdy, Alex Distefano, David Downs, Carolina Duque, James P. Gray, Lillian Isley, David Jenison, Liquid Todd, Kevin Longrie, Dan Macintosh, Meital Manzuri, Sandra Moriarty, Damian Nassiri, Paul Rogers, Jeff Schwartz, Alan Shackelford, Joy Shannon, Lanny Swerdlow, Arrissia Owen, Simon Weedn

State of

Flux

Photographers

Steve Baker, Kristopher Christensen, John Gilhooley, Amanda Holguin, Audrey King, Khai Le, David Elliot Lewis, Ryan Mazrim, Patrick Roddie, Kim Sidwell

Interns

Kim Johnson, Derek Obregon

Art Director

Steven Myrdahl

Graphic Designers

Vidal Diaz, Tommy LaFleur

E

veryone talks about change and how much it’s part of life. Bob Dylan sang about how “the times they are a-changin‘” back in 1964. In 1972, Black Sabbath proclaimed, “I’m going through changes” in the (appropriately titled) track “Changes.” And that same year, the chameleonic David Bowie drove the point home when he crooned, “Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.” The idea of change is hardly new. But before these icons of music proclaimed the nature of constant transformation, Greek philosophers led the earliest call-to-arms about the inevitability of change. If you’ve ever heard anyone say, “The only constant in the universe is change,” you can thank Greek philosopher Heraclitus for inspiring that gem. Famous for the saying, “No man ever stands in the same river twice,” Heraclitus of Ephesus (530-470BCE) challenged us with the notion that everything in nature is in a state of constant flux. Everything is shifting, changing and turning into something new. So, the only constant is change . . . and CULTURE is no different. Every publication must change from time to time if it wants to be successful. We’re all about change and new things—have been since Day 1. This magazine started out as a modest publication covering one MMJ state. Currently, we circulate in four different states, six major metro markets. Change. In the early days, we cut our editorial teeth interviewing the usual suspects for our cover

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Director of Sales & Marketing Jim Saunders

Regional Manager Justin Marsh

Account Executives

Jon Bookatz, Gene Gorelik, Beau Odom, John Parker, Paulina Tapia-Porter, Dave Ruiz, Kim Slocum, April Tygart

Office Manager Iris Norsworthy

stories (Cheech & Chong, Kottonmouth Kings, Cypress Hill, et al.). Now these were great stories, but nowadays more mainstream legends and icons like Melissa Etheridge, Lily Tomlin, Roseanne Barr, Tegan & Sara and Henry Rollins show us love. Change. Four years ago, our publisher founded CULTURE on the basic idea of better informing (and entertaining) patients. Now, we’re the No. 1 (!) medical cannabis lifestyle publication in the world. Change. For those of you who have been following CULTURE for years, your favorite magazine is on the cusp of many great changes. Now, I’ve gotta keep the details under wraps . . . but those of you who read your favorite magazines on your tablet or keep up with the latest MMJ trends on your smartphone, CULTURE’s got some amazing stuff in store. The times they are definitely a-changin‘. Enjoy this issue! c

Office Assistant Jamie Solis

Social Media Manager Evan Senn

IT Manager

Serg Muratov

Distribution Manager Cruz Bobadilla

Culture® Magazine is published every month and distributes 25,000 papers at over 600 locations throughout Washington. No articles, illustrations, photographs, or other matter within may be reproduced without written permission. Culture® Magazine is a registered trademark of Southland Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. 815 1st Ave | #220 Seattle | Washington | 98104 Phone 888.694.2046 | Fax 951.284.2596 www.iReadCulture.com

CULTURE® Magazine is printed using post-recycled paper.

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THE STATE Liquor Control Board to Feds: Can you give us input? At least two state regulators are asking the federal government to provide input as they prepare to finalize rules for the legal, recreational cannabis market established by Initiative 502, Reuters reports. “Policy is being established that will be a precursor for a large number of states,” stated Liquor Control Board appointee Chris Marr told Reuters. “It’s irresponsible. [The federal government] should at least engage even if just for the purposes of information gathering.” Another Liquor Control Board member, Ruthann Kurose, echoed Marr’s statements. “They have to think not only about one or two states but about the national implications,” Kurose said. “I do think it would be easier if we had some clarity.” While President Obama late last year said he “has bigger fish to fry” in regards to marijuana enforcement, federal officials have yet to officially respond to Washington’s implementation of I-502. But officials with Gov. Jay Inslee’s office say they have kept the feds abreast of all matters related to I-502’s proposed regulations. “But our Washington D.C. staff stays in touch with the Department of Justice, and we made sure they saw the draft rules and the final rules when they came out. They’re aware of what’s happening,” Inslee spokesman David Postman told Reuters.

pass a temporary law that will ultimately lead to the adoption of regulations for medical cannabis and retail storefronts, The Spokesman-Review reports. The law prompts the city’s Planning Commission to conduct a public hearing on the matter within 60 days of the July 15, providing city officials the opportunity to gather testimony and move forward with adopting the law. One councilman, Jon Snyder, said the new ordinance is intended to accomplish three things: “to implement last year’s Initiative 502, to give ‘predictability and logic’ to potential marijuana business owners and to protect public health,” according to The Spokesman-Review. I-502 legalized possession and use of cannabis by adults 21 and older, and authorized stateregulated retail outlets to provide cannabis to buyers.

THE NATION

newspaper reported. In New Jersey, children with serious conditions and diseases can legally use cannabis, but current regulations make it very difficult for them to obtain it. A proposed bill that would address these regulatory issues passed the legislature last month and is currently awaiting Christie’s signature. He has until this month to act on it. In the past, The Inquirer reports, the governor has said he is “not inclined” to allow children to utilize cannabis. Two Scotch Plains parents, Meghan and Brian Wilson, have a toddler-age daughter named Vivian who was diagnosed with Dravet syndrome, a rare type of epilepsy often characterized by very violent, long-lasting seizures. The couple, who had been using prescribed pharmaceuticals such as barbiturates and benzodiazepines to stop the seizures, ended up turning to cannabis to treat their girl. Parents from other states, such as California and Colorado, have reported using medical

cannabis for young children in similar predicaments, often in the form of an edible or non-psychoactive tincture or extract. The Wilsons’ daughter has an MMJ card, but there is only one dispensary in the state, and it is not allowed to offer edibles, a form that could have been used to treat the girl. The Wilsons started a campaign, Letters for Vivian, and a website that generates a fax for each person that supports their cause.

Arizona Supreme Court: Cops must return patients’ confiscated meds If you’re an MMJ patient in Arizona and your meds were taken by police—you are entitled to get your meds back, according to a recent state Supreme Court ruling, the Arizona Daily Sun reports. The case stems from the arrest two years ago of a medical cannabis patient from California, Valerie Okun, who was arrested near Yuma by Border Patrol. Although charges were dropped and Okun was never prosecuted (Arizona MMJ law recognizes medical cannabis patients from other states), officers refused to return her medicine, citing its federal status as an illegal drug. An earlier Court of Appeals ruling concluded that Okun had the legal right under Arizona law to possess cannabis Justices for the Arizona

New Jersey parents urge NJ Gov. Chris Christie to ease up safe access Proponents of medical cannabis are flooding New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s fax machine, urging him to sign a bill that would make it easier for children to access MMJ, The Inquirer reports. Over a threeweek period, the governor’s office received about 1,500 faxes, the

Spokane City Council moves forward with cannabis regulations The Spokane City Council last month voted unanimously to 8 CULTURE • AUGUST 2013

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Supreme Court rejected prosecutors’ claims that cannabis is strictly regulated by Washington. But Yuma County Sheriff Leon Wilmot told reporters that he’s still not ready to hand over the cannabis and wants to make a Supreme Court case out of it.

THE WORLD Israel $40-million medicinal cannabis industry is thriving

the government would be increasing the number of doctors who are certified to prescribe cannabis. The plan is used to treat, among other conditions, cancer, Parkinson’s disease, Tourette syndrome and PTSD. Some patients have also turned to cannabis to treat the PTSD-like symptoms of Holocaust survival and losing loved ones. “What saved me here was the cannabis,” Moshe Rute told Tablet, when describing how hiding from the Nazis in his native France—and the death of his wife—haunted him.

Seattle Hempfest

Medical cannabis is flourishing in the Holy Land. Despite the fact that in the U.S. cannabis has been approved for medical use in 18 states (plus Washington, D.C.), federal opposition and obstruction remain a factor. Not so in Israel, according to Tablet Magazine, a Jewish online publication. In this country, a $40-million-per-year industry is prosperous. Although it is illegal for recreational use, medical cannabis is provided to roughly 11,000 Israeli patients, according to the country’s Health Ministry. In May, Health Minister Yael German announced that

by the numbers

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The estimated annual value (in millions of dollars) of Israel’s medical cannabis industry: 40 (Source: Tablet Magazine).

The amount of cannabis, in pounds, that Israel distributes per month: 880 (Source: Israeli Health Ministry).

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The number of Israelis who were prescribed MMJ in 2009: 1,800 (Source: Israeli Health Ministry).

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The number of Democrat congressional delegates from Washington who recently urged U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder to honor the state’s cannabis laws: 7 (Source: The Seattle Times).

The percentage of respondents (many were parents) who support medical cannabis legalization: 70 (Source: The Partnership at Drugfree.org).

The number of Republican congressional delegates who did not support Initiative 502: 5 (Source: The Seattle Times).

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The number of dispensaries currently in operation in New Jersey: 1 (Source: The Inquirer).

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The number of hearings the Washington State Liquor Board scheduled for August to gather feedback regarding proposed adult-use rules for I-502: 4 (The Spokesman-Review).

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Proposed height (in feet) of fences required to screen cannabis cultivation intended for adult use: 8 (The Spokesman-Review).

The amount of cannabis, in pounds, that The Netherlands distributes per month: 330 (Source: Israeli Health Ministry).

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The length of time (in months) that Olympia’s moratorium on medical cannabis operations will last: 12 (Source: The Olympian).

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The number of Israelis who are prescribed MMJ today: 11,000 (Source: Israeli Health Ministry).

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The amount (in shekels) that Israeli MMJ patients pay each month for a monthly allowance of medical cannabis: 370 (Source: Tablet Magazine).

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In American dollars, the equivalent amount to 370 shekels: 103 (Source: CoinMill.com).

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The number of pro-MMJ faxes received recently by New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s office: 1,500 (Source: The Inquirer).

The nation’s largest allthings-hemp festival is celebrating 21 years of educating and informing others on the importance of cannabis law reform. The Seattle Hempfest, tends to top itself every year, with regards to attendance records, and the volunteers of Seattle Hempfest have been awarded the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML) award for “Outstanding Cannabis Advocate of the Year Award” more than once for their efforts. This well known festival is maturing in a huge way, bringing the word that we want a raw and intelligent understanding of the benefits of the cannabis plant, its medicinal value, agricultural significance and not to mention the economical worth of that sweetly pungent green treat. The Seattle Hempfest promises to offer up this, and so much more.

IF YOU GO

WHAT: Seattle Hempfest 2013 WHEN/WHERE: Aug. 16-18 at Myrtle Edwards Park, 3130 Alaskan Wy., Seattle. INFO: Admission is Free (But donations are welcomed) Visit www. hempfest.org.

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FLASH

Tale A Cautionary

The Marc Emery case reflects America’s prison system run amok

www.facebook.com/princeofpot, www.freemarc.ca

By Stephanie Bishop

T

he U.S. government recently approved Marc Emery’s request to be transferred to a Canadian prison to live out the last of his five-year prison sentence for selling cannabis seeds on the Internet. Selling seeds was not a crime in Canada, however, U.S. officials treated Emery as a political prisoner in the War on Drugs and petitioned the Canadian government to have Emery extradited and convicted in this country. The Canadian government caved under pressure. The Marc Emery story represents an aspect of The War on Drugs not mentioned in mainstream online conversations, one that rarely makes its way to coffee shop conversation: mass incarceration. The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness, written by Michelle Alexander, offers a thorough, well-researched vision of what is happening in American prisons today, as well as a detailed account of how America fell into the prison industrial complex. The federal prisons in America are run by a private, but publically traded company called Corrections Corporations of America. Most Americans don’t know the U.S. government is contractually bound to Corrections Corporations of America to do two things: 1. Guarantee a 90-percent oc-

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cupancy rate and 2. Pay $36,000 per inmate on an annual basis to Corrections Corporations of America. How does a government guarantee a 90-percent occupancy rate in prisons? The War on Drugs was declared by President Nixon in the mid-seventies and marked the beginning of the largest attempt by a government to police private behavior. Mandatory minimum sentencing laws placed on the books during the Reagan administration ensured those convicted of any drug charge—

including small possession of cannabis—would spend as much time as possible in federal prison. Currently more than 2.3 million Americans are incarcerated in America’s federal prisons, and American taxpayers are footing this bill. If we were just paying to house prisoners, this tale would not be so sordid. However, Corrections Corporations of America is profiting further from this privatized prison system by initiating prison work contracts through a company called UNICOR. UNICOR was set up as a prison

At What Price?

Political prisoner Marc Emery chose to work in the prison library acquiring books for prisoners to educate themselves, rather than assemble scud missiles or anti-defense systems for the military— though he would have made $.23 a day for the contract work, rather than the $.12 a day for administrative work. Just another indication of how Emery has always been recognized as an outspoken political activist who has always fought to end the War on Drugs.

worker reform effort and boasted job training for prisoners so they could acclimate back into society as useful members. UNICOR’s initial intent was to have prison workers work U.S. government contracts only, however in the past two decades, corporations have benefitted from cheap prison labor rather than outsource or pay fair wages to employ Americans for the same jobs. Today, federal prisons are packaging coffee for Starbucks and Microsoft, making panties for Victoria’s Secret and, worse, assembling anti-missile defense systems for the U.S. military. Prisoners are forced into solitary confinement if they refuse to work. Working conditions in federal prisons do not meet federal safety standards and prisoners often find themselves in hazardous environments with no protective gear available to them. As Emery returns to his home country, his wife Jodie Emery is excited to be able to continue the fight for Canadians and Americans alike.” I think when he comes home we’re going to be a very powerful team together politically, and in trying to improve the world and speak on behalf of those who are suffering under the Drug War imposed by the government,” she says. “So I think people are going to be very interested to hear what Marc has to say about what prison does to people.” c

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FLASH

The Fight Continues . . . Americans for Safe Access files a new appeal to get cannabis reclassified

“Harmful Policy” In 2002, the Coalition for Rescheduling Cannabis—which included Americans for Safe Access—filed a petition to get cannabis reclassified for medical use. In July 2011—the wheels of government move slowly, eh?—the DEA denied the petition. The appeal to the D.C. Circuit court, ASA says, is significant because it marks the first time in nearly 20 years that a federal court has reviewed the issue of whether or not there is adequate scientific evidence to reclassify cannabis. “It’s long past time for the federal government to change our country’s harmful policy on medical marijuana, and if it must be compelled to do so by the courts then so be it,” ASA Chief Counsel Joe Elford says.

By Jasen T. Davis

A

mericans for Safe Access (ASA), a national medical cannabis patient advocacy organization, has filed an Appeal with the U.S. Supreme Court in order to reverse a decision last January with a D.C. Circuit Court which reaffirmed the plant’s status—in the eyes of the federal government—is a Schedule I drug with no medicinal value. Last January the D.C. Circuit Court made it possible for plaintiffs to sue the federal government in order to reclassify cannabis. Although patients had hoped that ASA v. Drug Enforcement Administration would be successful, the Circuit Court ended denying the appeal, claiming that the evidence that cannabis did have medicinal value was insufficient. “To deny that sufficient evidence is lacking on the medical efficacy of marijuana is to ignore a mountain of well-documented studies that conclude otherwise,” says ASA Chief Counsel Joe Elford, who argued the appeal before the D.C. Circuit in October of last year. “The Court has unreasonably raised the bar for what qualifies as an ‘adequate and well-controlled’ study, thereby continuing the government’s game of ‘Gotcha.’” Kris Hermes, media liaison for ASA, points out that if the D.C. Court has its way, big corporations

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will win and patients will lose. “We’re filing the appeal because our ultimate goal is to reclassify cannabis for medicinal use. We didn’t get that when it was denied in 2011 [by the DEA], but now the stakes are higher. The court has set an unreasonable standard for proving the efficacy of medical marijuana,” he says. The big problems is that the D.C. Circuit court is insisting on very expensive, extremely unnecessary phase II and III clinical trials to prove the medical efficacy of cannabis. Since those trials are usually reserved only for the largest pharmaceutical companies, anyone else is out of luck. “They said that only studies normally conducted for achieving a patent can prove the medical efficacy of cannabis, and that’s a dangerous precedent because those drugs that are not conducive to being patented or manufactured by drug companies and may never reach that precedent,” Hermes says. “That’s why we are trying to overturn the decision. We believe that more than 200 peer-reviewed studies proving efficacy are more than sufficient,” he says. Why is the federal govern-

ment so afraid of seeing cannabis reclassified? Hermes explains: “I’ll just say it’s extremely difficult to understand the motivations of the federal government. They are not forthright on why they have held this classification for four decades. It can be speculated that keeping marijuana as a federal I substance to carry out a War on Drugs . . . is really just a war on people,” he says. “We lock more people up for marijuana offences than anyone else in the world. So while it hurts the American taxpayer, there are economic benefits for the prison industry and the corporations that exist to sustain it,” says Hermes. As long as something that

is so obviously a medicine to the rest of us is still considered as bad as heroin the eyes of the federal government, cannabis will remain illegal. But if the plant finally becomes legal, some bad guys will be out of business. Without a bogeyman to scare the country with, monolithic, outdated law enforcement agencies will lose funding, especially with austerity measures threatening everything from the U.S. Postal Service to food stamps. c

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buzz

www.ironlabsllc.co | www.nprusa.com

This is a Test . . . Making sure patients get the most out of their By Jasen T. Davis

T

he importance of analyzing the food we eat, the medicine we need and the beverages we drink is paramount in today’s modern society. The whiskey Jack Daniel’s makes goes through rigorous safety standards just like Bayer’s Aspirin and Cheerios breakfast cereal. Even a Hershey’s chocolate bar must undergo strict quality-control protocols by qualified, trained professionals to make sure the customer gets what they

medicine

are paying for instead of a mouthful of mold. Howard Lutz, CFO and managing partner of Iron Labs, LLC, a medical cannabis testing facility in Michigan, tells CULTURE he believes that testing medical cannabis is a matter of common sense. “I have had several people close to me who had serious, debilitating illnesses that are affecting their immune systems,” he says. “If you end up smoking products

Lab Lingo

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that had mold on it, that could be life-threatening. I knew of an HIV patient that had to be airlifted to a hospital for respiratory stress because he had smoked cannabis that had been infected by mold.” Iron Labs employs cuttingedge, calibrated machines to measure cannabis for a variety of properties using traditional scientific tools and techniques. “We mostly use gas chromatography, liquid chromatography and mass spectrometry to test cannabis for problems like mites, mold, etc.” Lutz understands that different cannabis products require different techniques if they are to be properly measured. This requires more than just looking at cannabis under a microscope while shining a light on it. “Cannabis products such as edibles, tinctures and candies are best tested using liquid chromatography,” Lutz says. “Our best machine is a mass spectrometer, which we use to test for things like pesticides. Each of our machines measure different standards. Some labs only use one machine,” he says. “We also perform moisture analysis, which is a real problem up here in Michigan because so many caregivers employ indoor hydroponics to obtain medicine for their patients,” he says. And it isn’t about the money. “If we didn’t care we’d be selling out,” he says. “The best way to help everyone is to press for sensible legislation.” Lutz isn’t afraid to get political. “I’ll stand in front

of any legislative body that will listen to me, if it helps patients and caregivers,” he says. Robin Schneider, legislative liaison for National Patients Rights Association, also believes that testing medical cannabis is very important. “I have had several people close to me who had serious, debilitating illnesses that [were] affecting their immune systems. If you end up smoking products that had mold on it, that could be life-threatening,” she says. At one point, she visited a dispensary that had visible mold growing within a jar of cannabis they were offering to patients. “When I told the woman working there about the mold, she just reached inside the jar, scooped out the mold with her bare hand, and put the jar back on the shelf,” she says. Michigan state legislators have spoken with Schneider and the NPRA about the subject on many different occasions. “They are very interested in regular safety standards,” she says. “But forcing dispensaries to test their cannabis through laws and regulations can open a whole can of worms.” Schneider believes that testing cannabis is crucial, but she isn’t militant about it. “We want testing to be available and legal, but we don’t advocate for absolute, mandatory testing. There are people who grow their own medicine, so they are familiar with it already. Our position is just that testing should be available and convenient,” she says. c

Gas chromatography is a common type of laboratory techniques for the separation of mixtures, used in analytical chemistry for separating and analyzing compounds that can be vaporized without decomposition. Liquid chromatography is an analytical chromatographic technique that is useful for separating ions or molecules that are dissolved in a solvent. Mass spectrometry is an analytical technique that produces spectra (singular spectrum) of the masses of the molecules comprising a sample of material. The spectra are used to determine the elemental composition of a sample, the masses of particles and of molecules, and to elucidate the chemical structures of molecules, such as peptides and other chemical compounds. Mass spectrometry works by ionizing chemical compounds to generate charged molecules or molecule fragments and measuring their mass-to-charge ratios.

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tunes

lorddying.bandcamp.com

Metal Mastery The head-banging life of Lord Dying By Joy Shannon

T

he new masters of heavy doom metal riffs are coming your way, emerging from the gloom of Portland, Oregon: Lord Dying. On tour with the fellow doom metal act Howl, Lord Dying is set to take its place amongst the heavy hitters in this scene. I recently spoke with Lord Dying bassist Don Capuano about Lord Dying’s upcoming tour and debut album Summon the Faithless, the follow up to its promising 2012 EP. A relatively new band, Lord Dying formed in 2010 and played its first show with heavy metal veterans Red Fang. While Lord Dying only had written two songs when they were asked to play this first show, Red Fang’s request drove them to write more. Lord Dying bassist Capuano described Red Fang as pivotal in helping its band reach the level of success they are currently at, “They pushed us to get going and they’ve been noth20 CULTURE • AUGUST 2013

ing but totally awesome to us from the beginning,” Capuano says. Since then, the band has been playing live and writing new material constantly. Already having toured with other progressive, sludge, thrash and stoner metal acts including Black Tusk, Red Fang, Lecherous Gaze and Danava, Lord Dying has made a promising

debut on the heavy metal scene. Bassist Capuano described that the band’s ultimate musical goal since forming has been to make music that “makes us bang our heads and hopefully everybody else’s.” While every member of the band “comes from different backgrounds and different musical tastes,” what brought the band together was the love of “heavy riffs and rocking out.” Capuano elaborates, “What got me playing music when I was a kid was Metallica’s ‘Master of Puppets.’ All I ever wanted to play was the first four chords of that song. Once I figured

those out, it led to other things . . . (like) Slayer and Iron Maiden.” Lord Dying’s new album Summon the Faithless seems to have evolved as quickly as the band itself. With metal producer Sanford Parker, known for his work with Nachtmystium, Minsk, Yob, Rwake, and Twilight, among many others in the metal genre, Lord Dying recorded the 10 songs for this album in 10 days at Jackpot Recording Studios in Portland. Capuano described producer Parker’s approach to recording the album as particularly unique: “What he likes to do was take two songs a day (and) do everything on the songs each day… I think it’s a great way to record. You don’t get bored. Everybody has to be active and involved.” Summon the Faithless is being released on CD, digitally and in special vinyl editions from Relapse Records available in hot pink, black and pink/green colored vinyl records. Lord Dying loved the album art that visual artist Orion Landau created for the cover because it was “a lot different from (the art of) a lot of bands that you’d see in this genre. (It has) a lot more bright colors … it stands out,” according to Capuano. As Lord Dying prepares for a long tour, bassist Capuano reflected on why they love to do what they do as a band, “We all enjoy doing (music) because of the emotional release of it . . . Not only playing the stuff you think is cool, but also . . . the reactions we get from people we’ve never met before who are locking in with you and loving it just as much as we are.” c

Stoner Metal

Lord Dying are associated with heavy metal acts often called “stoner metal” and when asked about the band’s opinion of medical marijuana, bassist Capuano expressed full support, “I think everybody should be allowed to live a pain-free, productive life and if adults feel that smoking marijuana is what will help them do that, they should be allowed to do it,” he said. “Stoner metal” is a musical subgenre which combines elements of traditional heavy metal, psychedelic rock, blues rock, acid rock and doom metal. “Stoner metal” is typically slow-tomid-tempo and features a bass-heavy sound, melodic vocals and “retro” production. The genre emerged during the early ‘90s and was pioneered foremost by the Californian bands Kyuss and Sleep.

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Where There’s Smoke . . .

If you’re living in a compassionate state—congratulations! You’re one of the lucky few. But even if you reside in one of the 18 states (and Washington, D.C.) that saw the light of day and enacted a measure or law that protects our rights, it’s always a good idea to be discrete and exercise caution at all times. For example, avoid medicating in public places or anywhere were you are not 100 percent sure that cannabis is allowed—even if you have your rec or MMJ card. Here are a few other situations to avoid (with thanks to United Patients Group):

1

Never medicate inside a vehicle, whether or not you are the driver, and regardless of whether it is moving or not. Again, this is asking for trouble.

Illustrations by Vidal Diaz

CULTURE

Stay as far away from schools, day cares, youth or recreation centers, public parks or playgrounds— anywhere there might be children around. You’re asking for trouble. At the very least, make sure you’re at least 1,000 feet away (that’s the distance limit that the feds commonly cite).

2

4

3

Never medicate inside a boat, aircraft or, really, any kind of motorized vehicle. See No. 2 above.

Stay away from federal grounds or property. This includes national parks, such as Yosemite and Yellowstone. This also applies to federal buildings, courts and offices. Want to stay out of trouble? Avoid these places if you have cannabis on your person or are planning to ingest it. AUGUST 2013 • CULTURE 23


destination unknown

Story & photos by Dennis Argenzia and Edengrace Cayosa

Black &

White Head to Siquijor in the Phillipines for a magical mystery tour

The business card read:

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TOUR GUIDE MASSAGE COLOR WIZARD

e looked up, and the man who had pressed the card into Dennis’ palm smiled a toothy grin. “Welcome to Siquijor!” As one of 7000+ islands in the sweeping archipelago of the Philippines, tiny Siquijor is easily overshadowed by its larger, swankier siblings in the central Visayan region. But Siquijor’s wee size— just 163 square miles of land that can be circumnavigated in four hours—belies its heavy reputation as a seat of black magic inside a devoutly Catholic country. The Spaniards who first laid eyes on Siquijor named it the “Island of Fire.” Although non-Siquijodnon Filipinos love to tell tourists that this catchy moniker was based on the residents’ devil magic, the truth is more science than occult: the Spaniards had simply witnessed the strange nighttime glow cast by Siquijor’s massive firefly colonies. So why does this island get such a bad rap? More on that later. Siquijor can be accessed by puddle-

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jumper airplane or, more commonly, by fast ferry boat. Once you’ve landed, there’s a wide range of lodgings to choose from: on one end are the increasingly popular backpacker dorms, while the other end gets you full-service, luxury resorts. You can opt to rent a car or motorbike for transport, or just grab a passing “trike” (tuktuk-like vehicle powered by a motorcycle) or a “jeepney” (an open-back minibus that you can hop on/off of, like a giddy lemur). Time for a bit of sightseeing! Despite its reputation (yes, we’ll get back to that), Siquijor holds religious festivals throughout the year. You can also visit Catholic landmarks, including the San Isidro Labrador Convent, possibly the country’s oldest and largest convent. If you like your tourism more natural than religious, Siquijor has falls and caves. Cambugahay Falls is a threetiered waterfall with large pools that are popular swimming holes. For spelunking, Cantabon Cave is a must. You are required to pay an entry fee as well as hire guides and rent hardhats plus torches, but the stalactites, stalagmites and other gorgeous mineral formations are worth the cost of entry. Be warned: there are several passages with waist-deep water, so avoid wearing anything you don’t want soaked. For those who prefer white sand and

blue water, Siquijor and nearby environs do not disappoint. Here’s just a sampling of activities: jumping off old concrete waterslides into the turquoise waters of Saladoong beach; snorkeling in the protected marine sanctuary near Coco Grove Resort; scuba dive at adjacent Apo Island. You could also just point your beach towel at the nearest empty stretch of coast, and happily roast your skin in privacy… …or you could watch a cockfight in a creaky wooden arena. Cockfighting has a long, bloody history in the Philippines, but despite animal activist efforts, it is still a huge draw on Sundays. Each match is preceded by a loud, mostly unintelligible betting phase, where the crowd itself determines the odds. Then the birds, sporting 5-inch long blades on their left claw, are set upon each other. There can only be one winner; the loser is chopped into quarters and distributed to the winner’s human owner. Now, let’s get to the heart of Siquijor’s infamy. Is there magic? Absolutely! To this day, there are two kinds of practitioners: mambabarangs, or black magic shamans/witches/sorcerers who claim to provide love potions, poisonous spells and accidental deaths for a fee; and then there are mananambals, faith/folk healers/wizards who offer healing through herbal remedies, massage or white magic rituals (like blowing bubbles in “magic” water). Once a year—ironically, during Catholic Lent—mambabarangs and mananambals from all over the Visayan region gather in Siquijor to collect the herbs, roots, cemetery dirt and coconut oil that will become their year’s supply of pampahid, or magical oil. This annual gathering contributes to Siquijor’s dark mystique, although in light of the popularity of this event, Siquijor’s tourism board is pushing a new name: “Island of Healing.” In addition to the shamans’ magical herbs, you can definitely find cannabis or “smokes” on Siquijor. It’s easily grown in the island’s tropical climate, and is casually offered up. However, care should be taken to be subtle, as the Philippines’ Dangerous Drugs Act of 2002 promises anything from rehab to jail for nabbed buyers. c V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m


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profiles in courage

Are you an MMJ patient from Washington with a compelling story to tell? If so, we want to hear from you. Email your name, contact information and details about your experiences with medical cannabis to courage@ireadculture.com.

Why did you start using medical cannabis?

Patient: Bennett Davison AGE: 48 Condition/ Illness:

Paraplegic, arthritis, carpal tunnel

Using medical cannabis since:

Photo by Kristopher Christensen

1984

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I started using cannabis to help ease the nerve pain that I have after suffering a gunshot wound in my spine due to a hunting accident.

Did you try other methods or treatments before cannabis? I have tried almost every kind of pain medication that my doctors have prescribed, and I still rely on medical cannabis.

What’s the most important issue or problem facing medical cannabis patients? I think the cost is still too high, and insurance companies should consider covering some of the expense.

What do you say to folks who are skeptical about cannabis as medicine? Everybody who suffers from pain should at least consider trying it once to see if it helps. From my experience, I really do believe people would get positive results c Our “Profiles in Courage” features are intended to highlight the problems—and solutions—that medical marijuana patients face every day.

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legal corner

By Hilary Bricken

Around the Block cannabis industry’s Bans block the

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ashington cities and counties are now facing the question of whether to enact local legislation regarding Initiative 502 given that they aren’t explicitly restricted from doing so, coupled with the fact that some of them have communal health and safety questions over cannabis altogether. Alleged federal conflict issues aside, some municipalities are trying to figure out feasible zoning laws now while others are still taking their time to determine whether the feds are ever going to say anything about I-502. Despite the opportunities cities and counties now have to break new bread with the cannabis industry, some of them have chosen to enact “temporary” bans instead. Bellingham passed a potentially year-long ban on I-502 operations just a month ago—July 1. Besides blocking any city permits for cannabis businesses before the state sets the final rules, the ban allegedly gives Bellingham time to develop its own regulations, ultimately determining where such businesses should be allowed within city limits. Further south, Pierce County also passed its own temporary ban on I-502 cannabis activities the day after Bellingham did the same thing. The county council voted unanimously to prohibit those activities in all unincorporated parts of the county until: 1) the state issues permanent licensing rules and 2) the council adopts zoning regulations. Notably, Council Attorney

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chance to develop

Susan Long, publicly stated that cannabis is illegal under federal law and that the new ban applies only to recreational cannabis businesses, not medical cannabis operators. One thing is certain: cities and counties enacting moratoria on I-502 cannabis businesses run the real risk of significant legal challenges if their intentions are to unconstitutionally rid themselves of cannabis altogether in the future. Another concern about these newly enacted bans is that other Washington cities and counties might try to follow suit. For example, Olympia, Spokane and Monroe already banned various cannabis-related activities in the past few months and the city of Kent has made very clear that it will not allow I-502 operations within city limits in January

2014, meaning further unnecessary delay for legitimate, qualified licensees in a regulated marketplace. Worse still, if cities and counties are waffling between bans and local regulation, it is possible that some I-502 stakeholders may not even know whether their prospective properties fall within permissible local zones before they apply for licensing with the state in September, very likely leading to a lost investment or a lawsuit if luck isn’t on the stakeholder’s side. In turn, if you’re an I-502 stakeholder, it’s more important than ever that you take a proactive role in your community’s planning and development; providing key industry perspective for your city council or county commissioners is essential to any conversation about local cannabis regulation. While some cities and counties will refuse to acknowledge the reality of legal cannabis (and will likely be worse off for that position), with enough education and meaningful dialogue, stakeholders can have confidence that at least some local jurisdictions will experiment with I-502 in a positive way, ultimately allowing stakeholders to show the state and the nation that the cannabis industry deserves a chance to develop. c

The Canna Law Group is a practice group of Seattlebased law firm, Harris & Moure, pllc. The Canna Law Group focuses on cannabis business law and litigation under both medical and recreational cannabis laws in Washington State. The Canna Law Group can be contacted via phone or web at (206) 224-5657 or www.cannabislawseattle.com.

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strain, edible & concentrate reviews GET YOUR CLICK HERE

www.iReadCulture.com

Green Stream Sure, we’re strain dorks around here and we do love us some genetics, but every so often it’s wonderful to run across a custom in-house hybrid that make us go, “Um, very strong and the lower back isn’t aching, so genetics be damned, this strain is awesome.” Besides, the Green Stream Collective in Tacoma feels so strongly about its namesake indica that it’s not sharing genetic details. All that aside, what you need to know is that Green Stream is very strong and heady, but not in distracting fashion. We found it to be useful for pain and stress, so it’s a likely chronic salve for anxiety. Sweet and floral in odor, it’s pleasant in flavor, but strong enough that most patients will want to keep its use to evenings. Green Stream is definitely near the head of the class amidst the rampant new strain creation occurring in West Washington.

Space Jill Space Jill is what happens when you cross Romulan with Cinderella 99, and thank the cannabis gods at this lovely pairing. Sunset orange in color, this sativa-dominant extract from the Center Street Collective in Tacoma is a shatter in texture and flavorful on the palette. In our sampling, it produced no coughs but did produce instant pain relief that lasted a solid two hours. Space Jill is very heady, but not so activating that you cannot focus.

Dutch Haze Don’t assume that this is Dutch treat crossed with one of the Haze variants, because it isn’t. Instead, Dutch Haze is a 90/10 sativa-dominant strain developed by crossing several Haze phenotypes (Super Silver Haze being one). The work was done in Holland, so there’s the Dutch piece of the equation. Here in Washington, this is a seldom-seen strain, a situation that deserves to be remedied because Dutch Haze’s effects don’t make you feel like you’re being walloped, but are nice and light. This sativa is perfect for daytime or those long sunny summer evenings around here (and probably not too shabby for those painfully short winter evenings as well). We found it to be excellent for pain and stress relief. This example comes to us from Tacoma Cross (near Downtown T-Town) and Seattle Cross (on the backside of Capitol Hill), two of the longest running collectives in the state. 30 CULTURE • AUGUST 2013

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Chronic Aid Juice

Green Queen Honeycomb

What we love about the emergence of cannabis infused drinks is that they can offer real pain relief without giving you what some patients call the “cannabis hangover.” What we hate about some infused drinks is that they are weak in effect. But not the Chronic Aid line of juices. They deliver without over-delivering, if you know what we mean. Made in-house by the folks at Tacoma’s Green Collar Club, these juices are all organic and not too cloyingly sweet. Our sample came to us on a day when we were dealing with a serious loss and felt like utter crud, physically and emotionally. But onehalf hour after imbibing a lovely fruit punch Chronic Aid we felt blissful and pain-free— aided by the Chronic once again. Effects lasted three hours and then washed-out without any sense of exhaustion, so we can recommend this for daytime use for pain, anxiety and stress.

Green Queen is the demon love child of Green Crack and Space Queen, so needless to say this will have a certain Thoroughbred kick to it. This very nicely made extract from Puget Sound Health Alternatives in Interbay is super easy to mold for dabbing and super smooth on inhalation. We’re pleased to report that this sativa-fueled honeycomb continues the trend of coughlessness we’ve been experiencing with certain extracts in the Puget Sound region. Patients will dig that for sure. Lightly sweet in flavor, it’s mentally activating in effect and great for anxiety and pain.

White Widow There’s much dispute in grower land about the parentage of this by-now classic strain and there’s zero we can do to advance the conversation. That said, this indica is one of our favorite strains of all time and it’s not just because it won the Cannabis Cup back in ’95. Nope, White Widow packs an epic punch of pain killing power with just enough sativa in its lineage to keep that punch from knocking you out. Famed for its dense white trichomes, this example from Natures Resource Center in Tacoma lives up to the fame and is pleasant to combust. This is also an excellent strain for anxiety and overall stress, but keep its use to evenings and those rainy winter nights. Yes, it’s that strong. In fact, this White Widow literally feels so strong that it could punch through walls. But that’s what patients like, isn’t it? 32 CULTURE • AUGUST 2013

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True OG Kush Hash Oil You might shake your head at the idea of a sativa coming from an OG Kush, but Sodo Holistic Health (you know what Seattle neighborhood it’s in) notes that True OG Kush is all sativa, so there you have it. Dabbed, this hash oil is almost flavorless and is very gentle with no throat irritation. It’s a heady, uplifting number and ideal for daytime pain and stress. We found its strong effects lasted 90-plus minutes and didn’t leave us feeling overwhelmed.

Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies The Girl Scout Cookies medical cannabis strain has become such the rage that there are now all kinds of variants floating around because you cannot stop growers from trying to cook up their own version of a hit. We’re told that this Thin Mint GSC is the original GSC and since we don’t want to start a scrap with anyone, we accept this as revealed truth. It’s also true that when you open a container of this indica from Caesar’s Salad Collective north of the Aurora Bridge in Fremont you will think, “Now, that’s skunky!” In flavor, it has that minty aftertaste common to the GSC family while the buds are a gorgeous interplay of dark green and purple leaves. Thin Mint GSC is a very strong indica which means it’s an awesome pain, stress and anxiety neutralizer, but it also means you ought to keep its use to nighttime since it leans toward causing couch lock. Legal Disclaimer

The publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical cannabis concentrates. The reviews listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only when medical cannabis is not a violation of state law. Please consume responsibly. Concentrates are legal and covered under Washington’s State Medical Use of Cannabis Act (Measure 692), SB 6032 and SB 5798, and are considered a form of medical cannabis (WRC 69.50.101). Without a medical professional’s recommendation, possession of concentrates can be a felony (WRC 69.50.204).

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Photo by Stephen Lashbrook

Few other independent acts have had nearly the same amount of success or made the same level of musical transition than reggae-rock fusion act Slightly Stoopid has had in its nearly two decades as a band. Formed in 1995 and signed to Bradley Nowell’s record label, Skunk Records, shortly before the frontman’s death, Slightly Stoopid has moved on from walking the ska/punk trail—blazed by bands like Operation Ivy and Sublime— to cutting its own path into musical territory. Throughout its journey, the band has found time to record and release five studio albums, two live records (one of which is acoustic), a compilation of rarities and studio outtakes, and the group has garnered legions of fans all over the world. Most recently, the band released fifth studio album Top of the World (plus a live DVD, Slightly Stoopid & Friends: Live at Roberto’s TRI Studios), which continues Slightly Stoopid’s journey of expanding its style and exploring more musical ground. Most notably, the record includes a number of collaborations with everyone from raucous Fishbone frontman Angelo Moore, to legendary reggae and dancehall singer Barrington Levy. Never one to rest on its laurels, Slightly Stoopid hit the road this summer to headline its very own Kickin‘ Up Dust Summer Tour. The cross-country trek will see the band being supported by the likes of Minneapolis hip-hop legend Atmosphere, New York classic funk/soul master The Budos Band, roots rock /reggae group Tribal Seeds and former Living Legends members Eligh & The Grouch. CULTURE recently caught with Slightly Stoopid—right after a blistering set at the Boulevard Pool at The Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas—and spoke with band co-founder and guitarist/bassist/vocalist Kyle McDonald for some insight into the life of this legendary band.

the way around, you know? . . . It’s So you guys just started up the Kickin‘ all just definitely nice to, you know . . . have different styles of music in the Up Dust Summer Tour. How did the concert. A lot of people don’t first couple shows go? Are you hoping same really do that. that with Atmosphere in tow that you guys are going to attract an even wider You guys reference cannabis a lot in array of people out to your shows? both your music and your imagery. They went good; it was a packed house, killer crowds—it’s just nice to How do you feel about the medical be back out with the boys. We were cannabis movement that’s going on talking to them about it and that’s exactly what we were saying; we’re obthese days? viously two different types of music but it’s kind of like, just a big melting pot at the show because everyone is there to have a good time, and that’s what everyone’s main objective is to come out and have a good time; you know. It’s just definitely a wider variety of people. Atmosphere fans get a taste of the Slightly Stoopid, and the Slightly Stoopid fans get a taste of Atmosphere, so it’s just good

It’s going in a good direction, I mean, there’s a kind of just singling out all of the people that are living in the past, you know? I mean, it’s 2013 if anyone didn’t get the f*#kin‘ memo already! It’s 2013, you know what I mean?! It’s like, anyone that’s anti “herb” is either, just has a stick up their butt or they’re just old. Or, I can’t really say old but . . . they’ll eventually get singled out AUGUST 2013 • CULTURE 39


Photo by Doug Hac

through time because the next generation is coming up and I don’t think too many in this day and age—too many people, don’t think of it as a bad thing or even think of it as a drug. And it helps so many people these days with so many different ailments, no matter how big or small. Whether you have an illness or diseases or just even if it’s asthma or stress or you can’t sleep or you’ve had a bad day . . . it’s there for the

of recession first of all and it’s like, there’s so many ways the herb can help society in all ways. But then when it comes down to it, people rely on it, you know? And it’s like I was saying; if you have some trouble sleeping, if you want to get some sleep, puff it before you go to bed. There are so many things that doctors prescribe that kill people, you know? I’ve had friends that have passed away from prescription drugs, and friends that have just gone off the deep end or turned into a totally different person because of prescription pills that these doctors are prescribing. But now-a-days we’re in a time where, a day in age where, doctors will actually [recommend] marijuana as the last straw

we’ll just skate, play Xbox, and hang out with the boys and get some, you know, grinds, eat and hang out and play music. So it’s not like a thing where we set out—I don’t ever try to set out and make a record or make a song because it seems when we try to do anything these days it just doesn’t work. But, when you’re having a good time and you’re surrounded by good people and your friends and people you love, just having fun, that’s where all the good stuff comes from and people can definitely hear it in the music.

Just to round things off, do you see the band heading any place in particular in the next five years? Do you guys have any type of long-term goals? I don’t think too far into the future

Whether you have an il ness or diseases or just even if it’s asthma or stress or you can’t sleep or you’ve had a bad day . . . [cannabis is] there for the people . . . people and it’s really, you know, good. It’s a really good thing to have, you know? I don’t know, it’s not necessarily for everyone but I know when I’m having a tough day it definitely helps me relax.

because they’re like well “You know we’ve tried this, that, and the other thing, A, B, C and D and now we’re just going to [recommend] you marijuana when actually that’s what they should have [recommended] them in the first place.”

Do you think that legalization is near or So to kind of tie back around to the right around the corner? There are some states that it probband again, On Top Of The World is ably will be a while or it might not obviously your most recent release, even happen for a long time just because they’re kind of stuck in the did you have any specific goals for the ’80s and they’re just, I don’t know, record when you guys set out for it? I don’t want to say nothing bad, I don’t want to be negative but I will say there are people that are kind of stuck in the past in certain zerotolerance states, but I think those will probably be the last states to legalize it. But every other one seems to be kind of in a mutual agreement where, it’s like, it can help us get out 40 CULTURE • AUGUST 2013

When we do records, we kind of just are in the studio and we record two to three albums’ worth of songs and then we just kind of pick and choose. So it’s more of like a just kind of like a “hanging with the homies,” “hanging with the boys” process, and sometimes we’ll go in there and

about things, I kind of just live in the now and take it as it comes, but, you know, it’s definitely nice to do stuff for different causes and we’re doing stuff for different things. Music is an outlet that gives you the opportunity to help people and, you know, uplift them through music as well as, you know, do certain things for different people that need help. So it’s, you know, it’s an opportunity that you have to take, that you have to use, and it’s there to help people so we feel like we’re, like, almost—I don’t want to say “obligated”—but you are kind of obligated to, you know, when you have an opportunity to help people, to do that—so that’s my favorite reason to play music; is to be able to do it for different causes and help, you know? It’s always nice to play music but when you’re doing it to make a difference for something it is definitely the best feeling. c

Going the Right Way “We’re going to do the United States for this run with Atmosphere, Tribal Seeds and Eli & The Grouch and then I think we’re gonna go to Hawaii and do some island hopping in October with Danny Way, the skateboarder,” Slightly Stoopid guitarist/bassist/vocalist Kyle McDonald tells CULTURE about the band’s future plans. “He’s putting together skate parks in Kauai and he’s doing all these cool skate parks because they don’t really have many skate parks . . . and maybe do a show to help raise money for the skate parks, and then do some island hopping throughout Maui, Kona, Oahu and Kauai.” Way is a professional skateboarder and skateboarding company Plan B co-owner, who has been awarded Thrasher magazine’s Skater of the Year award twice, has won numerous X Games gold medals, multiple world record holder and he was the first person to jump the Great Wall of China (non-motorized jump). Way was also featured in a documentary film about his life, released in 2012 called Waiting for Lightning. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m


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cool stuff VapirRise Tired of the same old hustle and flow of your water pipe or rolling papers? Let VapirRise do the work for you. Digital temperature control makes this unit infinitely adjustable and easy to use. Straight out of the box there are options to set up the vaporizer up for flowers or extract, single or multiple users, hookah style or even a “party” balloon. ($249.99) www.vapir.com

California Finest Premium Grade Marijuana Cigarettes Remember when we used to dream about the day when cannabis was legalized in this country, and how we imagined being able to purchase a box of joints from the corner store as easily as a pack of Marlboros? That daydream is reality. California Finest has achieved greatness on the strength of its “finest hand rolled California bud.” Each box comes with five 1-gram cigarettes in indica (OG Kush, Grand Daddy Purple), hybrid (Blue Dream) and sativa (Train Wreck) varieties. Talk about California dreamin‘ . . . www.californiafinest420.com

T.U.K. Shoes T.U.K. is a well known shoe company for the punks, goths and creeper-loving fashionistas. Though their hey day may have been in the ’80s and ’90s, T.U.K. has stepped up their game a bit to keep up with the modern day hipster nation. Check out these amazing “Galaxy Sublimation Print Anti-Pop Heels” by T.U.K.—they are bright, feminine and truly out of this world. ($65) www.tukshoes.com

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By Aunt Sandy

Sandy Moriarty is the author of Aunt’ Sandy’s Medical Marijuana Cookbook: Comfort Food for Body & Mind and a Professor of Culinary Arts at Oaksterdam University. She is also the cofounder of Oaksterdam’s Bakery.

Menu:

Traditional English Style Roast Beef Groovy Gravy Best Mince Pie

Legal Disclaimer

Publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical marijuana. The recipes listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only where medical marijuana is not a violation of state law. Edibles can vary in potency while a consumers’ weight, metabolism and eating habits may affect effectiveness and safety. Ingredient management is important when cooking with cannabis for proper dosage. Please consume responsibly and check with your doctor before consumption to make sure that it is safe to do so.

In lieu of the beautiful new Brit-mom Kate Middleton, we thought it would only be appropriate to celebrate the birth of the new Mountbatten-Windsor. Helping to perpetuate the royal blood line, Middleton has been a busy bee in the last stages of her pregnancy, shuttling between London and her family’s Berkshire home to escape the awful hot weather. The Duchess of Cambridge got to feast in her last stage of pregnancy—but then it was over! Back to lean meals and no more decadent treats, for this pretty Brit. So this month, we’re feasting for her—and her new baby. Enjoy the traditional British grub, with flavors that will take you back to The Big Smoke and make you miss the sounds of that beautiful Big Ben. AUGUST 2013 • CULTURE 47


Traditional English Style Roast Beef 4 lbs sirloin tip roast 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper 1/4 cup Canna Butter Salt to taste Preheat oven to 350° Trim the fat from the meat and score remaining fat. Rub the surface of the meat with the mixed spices. Heat the Canna Butter to a liquid. Place meat fat side down in melted Canna Butter, and brown all sides. Place meat in baking dish fat side up and pour drippings over the top. Insert meat thermometer and bake 20 minutes per pound until thermometer reads 140° for rare or 170° for well-done

Groovy Gravy 3/4 cup beef stock 3/4 cup water 1 tablespoon cornstarch, stirred together with 1 tablespoon water 1/2 cup Canna Butter Salt and pepper to taste

*Canna Butter Pastry Dough 2 1/2 cups all purpose flour 2 teaspoons sugar 3/4 teaspoons salt 1/2 pound of cold Canna Butter cut into cubes 1/2 cup plus 1-4 tablespoon cold water Whisk together flour, sugar and salt in a bowl. Blend in Canna Butter with a pastry blender just until most of the mixture resembles coarse meal with small lumps. Drizzle 1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon ice water evenly over mixture and gently stir with a fork until mixed, Squeeze a small handful of dough, if it doesn’t hold together add more ice water 1 tablespoon at a time, stirring until just incorporated, then test again. Do not overwork mixture or dough will be tuff. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface and divide into 8 portions. With the heel of your hand smear each portion once or twice in a forward motion to help distribute the fat. Gather the dough together with a pastry scraper if you have one and press into a ball. Divide in half and shape into 2 disks to make a pie. Wrap in plastic and place in a refrigerator until firm—at least one hour. 48 CULTURE • AUGUST 2013

Best Mince Pie Canna Butter Pastry Dough* Mincemeat: 100g seedless raisins 100g dried cherries 100g dried blueberries 100g dried cranberries 65g citrus peel (1/2 orange and lemon peel) 250g cooking apples peeled and finely chopped 125g softened Canna Butter** Grated zest of half of a lemon Grated zest of half an orange 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon Pinch of nutmeg Pinch of all spice 250g dark brown sugar 250 ml tincture (cannabis infused dark rum)

Make sure all of the dried fruits are finely chopped to around the same size. In a large bowl mix all the fruit, apples, Canna Butter, zest and spices together till well combined Dissolve the sugar in the brandy and pour over the mixture. Cover and let stand overnight. The next day stir mixture again then place in a sterile dry jar for 4 weeks before using in your favorite recipe. Preheat oven to 350°

Take filling out of the refrigerator and let come to room temperature. Prepare pastry and cut out circles to line a pastry tin. Stir filling well and pour into base. Top with pastry and make slits or make a star shape on top. Crimp edges. Bake in a preheated oven on low shelf for 40 minutes or until golden brown V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m

For our complete recipes go to ireadculture.com.

Transfer the juices from the baking pan to a sauce pan. Put baking pan on a burner over medium heat, add Canna Butter, stock and water and deglaze the pan by boiling over moderate heat, stirring and scraping up the brown bits for 1 minute. Add stock mixture to pan juices and bring to a boil. Stir in cornstarch mixture and whisk into pan mixture, then boil while whisking until slightly thickened, about 1minute. Remove from heat and salt and pepper to taste. Serve over the roast and yorkshire pudding.


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entertainment reviews Franz Ferdinand Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action Domino Records It’s been nearly four years since Scotland’s indie rock princes in Franz Ferdinand have given the world a new record to appreciate. However, the band’s forthcoming fourth record Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action, scheduled to release on Aug. 26 shows that these Scots haven’t missed a beat in the intervening years. Drawing on the hard driving rhythms and dynamic guitar riffs that the band built its solid reputation on, Right Thoughts is loaded with an assortment of footstompers that’ll make cutting some rug with a beautiful stranger or lovely date easy. Although the record—production wise—continues in the more polished, poppy trajectory of the band’s previous releases, Right Thoughts contains a bit of the fuzzier, garage-y-er elements of the band’s beginnings as well. The band has kept a low profile while recording this record over the last few years as it felt that the hype and misinformation surrounding their last effort injured its release. The secrecy seems to have paid off as what you get seems to be the perfect marriage of the band’s past and its future that will over joy old fans of the band as well as be the perfect introduction to the band’s sound for new listeners. (Simon Weedn)

Baked Italian: Over 50 Mediterranean Marijuana Meals By Yzabaetta Sativa Green Candy Press “When the moon hits your eye/Like a big pizza pie, that’s amore . . . When the stars make you drool/Just like pasta fazool, that’s amore.” Ah, the praises of Italian cuisine has always plucked the heart strings, eh? Why should patients go without the gourmet, traditional recipes that have made the boot-shaped country famous the world over? Enter Baked Italian. Described as “a high-end marijuana cookbook for the Jamie Oliver generation,” this softcover volume is indispensable for providing proven extraction techniques and tasteful, rich recipes that will make Giada De Laurentiis green (pun, definitely intended) with envy. Sure, there’s a recipe for infused butter here, but you also get the how-to for ‘Oregano’ Oil, Cannabis Campari and Vector Vodka. And with the rich photography highlighting such medicated versions of classics such as Eggplant Parmesan, Capellini with Anchovies and Lemon Sauce and the sinfully sweet Genoise Cake, Jamie Oliver will be just a faded memory. Grab an apron, get the cucina ready and cook—that’s amore. (Matt Tapia)

Arrested Development Season 4 Netflix, Inc. Dir. Mitchell Hurwitz Seven years after its cancellation, a great many of us were thrilled to watch Arrested Development rise from its ashes like a mythical phoenix and soar in the air for an amazing Season 4, thanks to the awesome folks at Netflix. While there has been some criticism that the newest season is not the “same” as the previous three, the only answer to that could be how—after so much time had passed—anybody could have expected it to not have changed some. However, although the feel of the show might be a little different, the returning writers, directors and cast did an amazing job of recreating the humor and atmosphere of the original series while moving it forward to its ultimate goal, the upcoming movie. Diehard fans will enjoy the working in of almost all previous reoccurring guest characters, including Liza Minelli as “Lucille 2,” Henry Winkler as family attorney Barry Zuckercorn and, of course, Scott Baio as lawyer Bob Loblaw, as well as the effortless working in of all repeating sight gags and sound effects. Most of all, Arrested Development Season 4 succeeds where many in the past have failed, they revived an old and beloved franchise, added amazing new twists, turns and characters, and still kept the original spirit of the show which made it addictive and endearing in the first place. (Simon Weedn) 50 CULTURE • AUGUST 2013

Bumbershoot Since 1971, Bumbershoot has drawn artists representing the best in music, film, comedy, spoken word, dance, theatre, performance, and visual arts to Seattle Center every Labor Day weekend! Now in its 43rd year, Bumbershoot is about to rock your socks off with the best of contemporary art, music, comedy and more! North America’s largest urban arts festival, Bumbershoot takes place in the heart of the city at the 74-acre Seattle Center. Over 100,000 visitors from near and far spend the weekend experiencing groundbreaking local, national, and international artists in all arts disciplines and musical genres at venues large and small, indoor and outdoor. Bumbershoot also features a variety of food, merchandise, and urban craft vendors throughout Bumbershoot grounds—there’s plenty to eat, see and do all weekend long.

IF YOU GO

WHAT: Bumbershoot Festival. WHEN/WHERE: Aug 31-Sept 2. Seattle Center, 305 Harrison St., Seattle. INFO: Tickets $50-$62. bumbershoot.org.

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Now Rate Yourself: 5 points: A few classes at Oaksterdam University won’t even help you. 10 points: Are you even a patient? 15 points: Keep medicating. 20 points: Impressive. Almost ready for the big leagues. 25 points: What do you want—a prize?

HEAD COUNT Time to rev up your brain cells, folks. Take this official CULTURE quiz and test yourself to see how much you know about cannabis. For each question you answer correctly, give yourself 5 points.

Can cannabis effectively treat Crohn’s disease?

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Name a well-known Canadian activist and political prisoner who is being transferred to his home country?

5

What is Sativex?

ANSWERS

Twelve years after passing an MMJ law, whish state is finally allowing dispensaries to open?

3 4

1. Yes, according to a recent study. 2. True, according to Vice. 3. Nevada. 4. Marc Emery. 5. A patented mouth spray containing cannabinoids developed to treat MS.

QUESTIONS 1 2

Tony Hawks’ son uses cannabis. True or false?

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let’s do this Our picks for the coolest things to do around town Seattle Festival of Dance and Improvisation, Aug. 1 Choreographers from around the world have come together to bring you unique dance and improvisational moves. With ground breaking styles and movements that push well beyond the mainstream dance world, it will be nothing you’ve ever seen performed on stage before. Broadway Performance Hall, Seattle Broadwayperfhall.com

Have a Summah! Comedy Tour, Aug. 3 You may know Howard Kremer as the rapper Dragon Boy Suede, who killed it on Jimmy Kimmel Live. He’s now presenting the Have a Summah! Comedy Tour featuring Kyle Kinane and Sean Patton, all delivering sunshine and silly acts just in time for summah! The Neptune Theatre, Seattle stgpresents.org

Maneki Neko: Japan’s Beckoning Cats, thru Aug. 4 Don’t miss your chance to inherit good fortune, because time is running out for this one-of-a-kind Japanese exhibit. With 155 ornately decorated beckoning cats on display at the Bellevue Arts Museum, you’re sure to get good luck, as these figurines are known to gift prosperity. Bellevue Arts Museum, Bellevue bellevuearts.org

Sublime with Rome, Aug. 6 If you’re like many people who grew up listening to Sublime but never had a chance to dance around to them live in concert, then you certainly don’t want to miss the opportunity to do so now. Sublime with Rome guarantees a performance of the classic hits, as well as many new songs off new album Yours Truly. Marymoor Park, Redmond www.concertsatmarymoor.com

Seattle Tattoo Expo, Aug. 9-11 Are you in need of some fresh ink to decorate your temple? Or are you just looking for some modern inspiration for how to start your sleeve? The Seattle Tattoo Expo will have your favorite inked and modified professional artists to inspire your next piece of work—don’t miss as the industry’s best as they set up camp in Seattle. Seattle Center, Seattle www.seattlecenter.com

Rebelution and Matisyahu, Aug. 14 Rebelution’s Good Vibes Summer Tour is coming in hot, with the likes of Matisyahu, Zion-I and Collie Buddz. These artists will 56 CULTURE • AUGUST 2013

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are coming to you with the reggae flavor, as well as some hip-hop influence to strengthen your positive energy from here to Zion. Marymoor Park, Redmond www.concertsatmarymoor.com

look into what it means to be an artisan. Port of Everett Marina, Everett www.schack.org

Electric Run, Aug. 16

Get ready for a metal massacre. The Dillinger Escape Plan, Animals as Leaders, Periphery and many more metal bands will be killing it at The Summer Slaughter tour—bringing loud music and guts and fueling your death metal nightmares. Showbox SODO, Seattle www.showboxpresents.org

Who said that running can’t be as fun and exciting as a rave? This is unlike any 5K you’ve ever participated in before—with electronic music and technicolor lights leading the way, you’re sure to feel motivated by the computerized beats as your run through the course. Washington State Fair Events Center, Puyallup www.thefair.com

In the Spirit Northwest Native Arts Market, Aug. 17 Whether you’d like to buy goods from Native American artists or are excited to appreciate the singing, dancing and music of their unique culture, the In the Spirit Festival holds activities that are both engaging and educational for the entire family. Washington State History Museum, Tacoma washingtonhistory.org

Fresh Paint: Festival of Artists at Work, Aug. 17-18 The promenade will be transformed into a playground for artists and an outdoor studio for the public to enjoy. With 75 artists contributing their diverse skills including glass blowing, jewelry making, painting, photography and more—you’ll get an exclusive

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Summer Slaughter, Aug. 19

Puget Sound Flute & Guitar, Aug. 24 Students from prestigious schools of sound—including The Julliard School of Music, Manhattan School of Music and California State University, Sacramento—are sharing their best talent on the stage, playing harmonious pieces using guitars and flutes. Museum of Glass Theater, Tacoma www.museumofglass.org

Snoop Lion, Aug. 29 Following his spiritual awakening that stemmed from a recent trip to Jamaica, Snoop Lion is wowing fans with reggae hits in his familiar voice (minus the profanities) from his new album Reincarnated, matching his documentary by the same name. Showbox SODO, Seattle www.showboxpresents.com

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Chuck Shepherd's

Newsof the

Weird LEAD STORY—PRIORITIES ; At a June hearing, a Philadelphia judge became so exasperated at defendant Robert Williams’ seeming cluelessness about his need to keep his probation appointments that she ordered him to take “etiquette” classes before returning to court. Williams, a rap singer and budding music mogul still under court supervision on gun and drug charges from 2008, cavalierly defended his inability to find time for his probation officer by explaining that he was a busy man, work-

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ing with seven “artists,” with a demanding travel schedule, and uninhibitedly using social media (creating posts that, allegedly, led to threats against the probation officer). (Williams, of course, was accompanied to court by a several-man entourage.)

to believe in a supreme being. Such “churches” (reported The New York Times and Washington Post in coincidental stories the same day in June) can help soothe the “biological” needs for survival and avoidance of loneliness by congregational rituals (such as celebrating a sabbath) and in helping find meaning “in something other than (oneself).” For example, atheist Sigfried Gold praised a “rigorous prayer routine” (beseeching a “vivid goddess he created”) in overcoming his weight problem.

IRONIES

; War Endangers War Relics: In June, fighting in the Syrian civil war spread to its west, threatening archaeological digs and already recovered artifacts near the ancient city of Hamoukar— which is the site of history’s earliest known urban warfare (about 5,500 years ago).

; An atheist “church” in Lake Charles, La., run by lapsed Pentecostal Jerry DeWitt, conducts periodic services with many of the trappings expected by the pious—except for the need

; The business website Quartz reported in June that a popular consumer item in North Korea’s perhaps-improving economy is the refrigerator, made in China

and increasingly available as a reward to stellar performers among civil servants and other elites. The appliances, however, cannot reliably store food because the country’s electric grid is so frequently offline and are mostly just status symbols. One item Quartz says often gets displayed in the refrigerator: books. ; Robert Dugan, 47, a full-time patrolman for the Delaware County (Pa.) Park Police, was charged in June with illegally impersonating a police officer. According to authorities in Brookhaven, Pa., Dugan had accosted a woman doubleparked outside her home to pressure her into moving the car, but she refused. Dugan allegedly claimed he was an Upland Borough police officer (with authority to write parking citations and make arrests, which he did not actually have).

THE LITIGIOUS SOCIETY ; Shower rooms in health clubs are slippery enough, but

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Marc Moskowitz, 66, cited the one at the Bally Total Fitness gym on E. 55th St. in New York City as especially dangerous, according to his recent lawsuit to recover expenses for a broken shoulder suffered in a fall. Moskowitz claimed that so much gay male sex was occurring in the shower and locker-room area (unsupervised by Bally) that he had probably slipped on semen.

COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS

in prison for “aggravated assault” for merely firing a warning shot during an altercation with her estranged husband. The man, Rico Gray, is a serial domestic abuser and admitted that he was threatening Alexander that night and that she never actually pointed her gun directly at him. However, the judge denied Alexander use of the “stand your ground” defense because she had declined to simply walk away from Gray.

; Lame: (1) Rodger Kelly was arrested in St. George, Utah, in June for rape of a female neighbor, but he told police that he committed the act only to “save” her, since he had discovered her “cold” and unconscious. He had violated her body only “to try and get her temperature up,” according to the police report. (2) The low-price air carrier GoAir of New Delhi announced in June that in the future it would hire only females for the cabin crew—because they weigh less than men (and expects eventually to save the equivalent of $4 million annually in fuel based on average weights).

FETISHES ON PARADE

; In May, former schoolteacher Kathleen Cawthorne, 33, of Rustburg, Va., successfully negotiated a reduction in her 11-year sentence for having sex with an underage student. Cawthorne’s punishment was set at only four months in prison when she presented the judge with a clinical diagnosis of “hypersexuality,” supposedly showing that she had little ability to control her desire to seduce the boy.

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

PERSPECTIVE ; Floridians Standing Their Ground: In May, a jury in Tampa decided that Ralph Wald, 70, was not guilty of murdering a 32-year-old man he had shot in the back three times. He said he had caught the man having sex with his wife (successfully claiming that he thought the man was a dangerous intruder in his home). However, Marissa Alexander, 34, of Jacksonville, was sentenced last year to 20 years

; (1) According to Chicago police, Gerardo Perez, 50, broke away while on a tour in May of the Chicago Animal Care and Control Facility because he had been struck with a sexual attraction. He was discovered minutes later on his hands and knees beside a pit bull, “appearing to have just had sex with the animal,” according to a report on WMAQ-TV. (2) Shaun Orris, 41, was charged with disorderly conduct in Waukesha, Wis., in June after raising a ruckus outside the Montecito Ristorante Lounge, harassing passersby by loudly expressing his “constitutional right” to have sex with goats.

; Not Well-Thought-Out: (1) A 64-year-old man was arrested in Geelong, Australia (near Melbourne) in June after carjacking a 22-year-old woman’s vehicle. He was still on-scene when police arrived, as it took him time to load his walker into the car, along with several bags he had nearby when he decided to commandeer the vehicle. (2) A well-dressed, 5-foot-10 man bailed out of an attempted robbery in May of a New York City Bank of America when, after handing a teller his holdup note, the woman panicked, began screaming “Oh my God!” and ran to the other side of the bank, diving under a counter. According to a witness, the robber stood in silence for a few seconds before fleeing.

UPDATE ; When last we checked on Wesley Warren Jr., 49, of Las

Vegas, he was delaying his inevitable surgery to repair his permanently inflamed, 140-pound scrotum (“scrotal lymphedema”). He said at the time that he was enjoying the many television and radio appearances discussing his plight and that he feared becoming a nobody again after the surgery. He has now had the 13-hour operation, done pro bono by Dr. Joel Gelman of University of California, Irvine, and will soon be walking without hindrance, but his latest dissatisfaction, he told a British TV show in June (reported by The Sun), is that the surgery left him with a penis about 1 inch long.

A NEWS OF THE WEIRD CLASSIC (AUGUST 2009) ; Lonely Japanese men (and a few women) with rich imaginations have created a thriving subculture (“otaku”) in which they have all-consuming relationships with figurines that are based on popular anime characters. “The less extreme,” reported a New York Times writer in July, obsessively collect the dolls. The hardcore otaku “actually believes that a lumpy pillow with a drawing of a (teenage character) is his girlfriend,” and takes her out in public on romantic dates. “She has really changed my life,” said “Nisan,” 37, referring to his gal, Nemutan. (The otaku dolls are not to be confused with the life-size, anatomically correct dolls that other lonely men use for sex.) One forlorn “2-D” (so named for preferring relationships with two-dimensionals) said he would like to marry a real, 3-D woman, “(b)ut look at me. How can someone who carries this (doll) around get married?”

COMMUNITY ACTIVISM ; Despite Chicago’s recent crisis of gang-related street murders, the Roseland Community Hospital in a tough south-side neighborhood is on the verge of closing because of finances, and community groups have been energetically campaigning to keep it

open. Joining civic leaders in the quest is the Black Disciples street gang, whose co-founder Don Acklin begged in June for the hospital to remain open, explaining, “It’s bad enough we’re out here harming each other.” Besides wounded gang members needing emergency care, said Acklin, closing would amount to “genocide” because of all the innocent people exposed to crossfire.

GOVERNMENT IN ACTION ; Suspicions Confirmed: A warehouse in Landover, Md., maintained by a company working on contract for the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, contained “secret rooms” of furniture and equipment described as “man caves” for company employees. The EPA inspector general announced the discovery in May, and the government confiscated TVs, refrigerators, couches, personal photos, pin-ups, magazines and videos that the contractor’s personnel brought in while ostensibly “working” on agency business. ; Scotland’s Parliament was revealed in May to be considering, as part of its Children and Young People Bill, guaranteeing that specific, named persons would be appointed for every Scottish child at birth, charged with overseeing that child’s welfare until adulthood. A Daily Telegraph story acknowledged that the bill is “remarkably vague” about the duties and powers of the designated persons and thus it is unclear how the law might affect typical parent-child relationships. ; Update: “(Supermodels) is the one exception (to U.S. immigration policy) that we all scratch our heads about,” said a Brookings Institution policy analyst, speaking to Bloomberg Businessweek in May. Foreignborn sports stars and entertainers are fast-tracked with American work permits under one system, but supermodels were excluded from that and must thus compete (successfully, it turns out) with physicists AUGUST 2013 • CULTURE 63


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and nuclear engineers to earn visas among the 65,000 slots available only to “skilled workers with college degrees.” As such, around 250 beauties are admitted every year. (The most recent attempt to get supermodels their own visa category was championed in 2005 and 2007 by, appropriately, thenU.S.-Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York.) ; In Lytle, Texas, in May, just 33 people voted for candidates for three openings on the school board, including the only voter who cast a ballot in District 1. Christina Mercado was the 1-0 winner, but someone else voted for her. Mercado cannot vote for District 1 candidates because she does not live there, and neither does the one candidate who opposed her. However, according to Texas law, Mercado can legally represent District 1 on the school board.

POLICE REPORT ; Rewarding the Breast Disguises: (1) An April crime report

in San Francisco, noting that a female driver had rammed another car in a parking-space dispute, noted that the victim gave officers little help. The man could not tell officers the model car that hit him, and certainly not a license plate number, but he “was able to give a detailed description of the suspect’s cleavage.” No arrest was reported. (2) Colombian prisoner Giovanni Rebolledo was serving a 60-year sentence (as a member of the “Los Topos” gang charged with extortion, kidnapping and torture) when he escaped and decided on an extreme identity change in order to move about in the country. He became “Rosalinda,” complete with, according to Colombia Reports news service, “impressive” breast implants, but nonetheless was identified in May in a routine traffic stop and arrested. ; More Time Needed on the Firing Range: In May, an Orlando Sentinel columnist demanded a federal investiga-

tion into the 2010 police killing of Torey Breedlove in Orlando’s Pine Hills neighborhood, noting that killing the unarmed Breedlove somehow required 137 shots, with cops missing on at least 115. The columnist added that the Justice Department is currently investigating a Cleveland, Ohio, case in which local police killed two unarmed men but coincidentally also required 137 shots. (In both cases, the officers were exonerated after local investigators determined the officers believed the suspects were armed.)

CREME DE LA WEIRD ; Whitby, U.K., town councilman Simon Parkes, 58, confessed to a reporter in June that he had had an extramarital affair—in fact, an extraterrestrial extramarital affair—with the 9-foot-tall Cat Queen, and that she had born him a child. Parkes said the Cat Queen is biding her time until technology is available to bring her and the child to Earth. Said Parkes, “There are plenty of people in

my position who don’t choose to come out and say it because they are terrified it will destroy their careers.” Parkes said his wife knows about his periodic meetings with the Cat Queen and is “very unhappy, clearly.”

RECURRING THEMES ; Least Competent Criminals: Shaun Paneral was questioned by police in Carlsbad, N.M., in May, on a loud-music complaint and, concerned that he already had an outstanding arrest warrant, gave his name as “Shaun Paul.” Paneral thus became the most recent perp to choose his alias badly. “Shaun Paul,” whoever he is, is also wanted by police in New Mexico, and Paneral was arrested for the false ID. ; It’s Good to Be a Dog in the First World: The British company Paw Seasons has created a holiday for dogs (surely to appeal to guilt-ridden owners who leave them behind on their own holidays) priced at the equivalent of $73,000, consisting of a private suite for two weeks, with dog-

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friendly Hollywood movies, trips to the beach, surfing “lessons,” spa and grooming treatment (including pedicure) by Harrod’s, outfits from Louis Vuitton, Bottega Veneta, and Mulberry, and the piece de resistance—a personal dog house created in the image of the owner’s own house.

THE JESUS AND MARY WORLD TOUR (ALL-NEW!) ; Recent Public Appearances: Norwalk, Conn., in May (Jesus in an ink smear on a page of the newspaper The Hour). Saugus, Mass., March (Jesus on a drop cloth in a home). Bradenton, Fla., February (Jesus in profile on a carton of Corona beer). Halifax, Nova Scotia, March (Jesus in a knot of wood on furniture in a store). San Antonio, December (Jesus on a tortilla shell—an item on which he has appeared previously at other sites). Herne Bay, England, October (Jesus on a patch of mold behind a refrigerator). Phoenix, June (Jesus in a smudge on the floor at Sky Harbor International Airport). Northumberland, England, March (Jesus in the

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condensation on a windshield). Brooklyn, Ohio, February (Jesus in bird droppings on a windshield).

A NEWS OF THE WEIRD CLASSIC (AUGUST 2009) ; Donald Duck may be a lovable icon of comic mishap to American youngsters, but in Germany, he is wise and complicated and retains followers well past their childhoods. Using licensed Disney storylines and art, the legendary translator Erika Fuchs created an erudite Donald, who often “quotes from German literature, speaks in grammatically complex sentences, and is prone to philosophical musings,” according to a May Wall Street Journal dispatch. Though Donald and Uncle Scrooge (“Dagoberto”) speak in a lofty richness, nephews Tick, Trick and Track use the slang of youth. Recently in Stuttgart, academics gathered for the 32nd annual convention of the “German Organization for Non-Commercial Followers of Pure Donaldism,” with presentations on such topics as Duckburg’s solar system.

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