CURIOUS Magazine | Empathy + Sexuality | Spring 2023 (Extended)

Empathy + Sexualit y

SPRING 2 02 3

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Curious Publishing First Edition February 2023 | Edited February 27, 2023

Founder, Editor in Chief and Creative Director: Rebecca Ustrell

Staff Writer: Samuel Signer

PR Marketing Assistant: Hayley Lockwood

Journalistic Photography by Bianca Ustrell

Layout Design by Rebecca Ustrell

Branding by Nicholas Aceves

Manufactured in the United States of America

Volume 4 No.4 | SPRING 2023

Empathy + Sexuality

Nicholas Aceves

An interview with the cover artist the they/them project

AJ Schnettler

Courtney heidorn

strawberry summer tide pool

milky

glittered joy siren

RUNA CHEMICAL

Vanessa Cristal Villalobos

SIR SAID, SURRENDER YOURSELF

Mandar Parab

Andrea Simpson

Annette Back

Madeleine Simmons

Miguel Esparza

Little Pots

Roxanne Espinoza

Ana Everhart

Vivien Solveig

Charlie Quintero

Kate Tatsumi

Dakota Noot

Effren Castro

i want u 2 fuck the existential crisis out of me

residue

crucifixion

Kathy Crabbe

Toria Maldonado

Sarah Eckstine

B. Elae

Til Doomsday Art

Scotty Escobar

Allyson Libao

Arzu Kastal

Matt Garcia-Ramirez

Rosy Cortez

Jessie Welch

Julie Flores

Amber Lauder

Gemma JG

Kiru Kona

Brandon Avalos

Caitlin Walton

kaden ezra umaña zaldumbide

Vincent Villalpando

Steven W. Bielak

Soara Collira

Serena Martin

Girl on Mars

Bumblebee

Falling in love in a coffee shop

You are magic.

Dreams

Nancy Martin

Keely Shinners

Keith Ballard

NICHOLAS ACEVES

@nicholas.aceves

Photography by Bianca Ustrell

Interview by Samuel Signer

Hi, I’m Nicholas Aceves an artist and graphic designer based out of the High Desert of Southern California. Currently I’m a part-time in house designer for a local company, along with being a freelance graphic designer and artist, with clients throughout the country. My artwork for this issue of CURIOUS pulls from diving into a new venture of exploring the human body and wanting to blending them into the environment. I try to accomplish this using earthy colors, and natural shapes to accompany the individuals. I’m very proud of the artwork used for the cover, as its connotation of ideas and expressions I’ve been exploring this past year.

My body of work is a lot based on how I interpret my surroundings; and living in the Inland Empire there’s no shortage of inspiration thanks to the abundance of diverse cultures, landforms, and ideas. What inspires me the most is allowing myself to explore and challenge my skill set and interest. My artwork “style” does change often, as I like changing up processes and topics, and I think that comes a lot from living here in the IE, where things are always changing and growth is accruing around every corner.

“living in the Inland Empire there’s no shortage of inspiration thanks to the abundance of diverse cultures, landforms, and ideas.”

I’ve always drawn things here and there that were more on the “explicit” side, but nothing I would consider exploring themes of eroticism and sexuality. But in late 2021 I read an article on why a lot of male artists draw feminine bodies, but not masculine bodies; and that ticked something off in me wanting to explore that notion. From there I began focusing on the identity of bodies and relaying them with other natural shapes and colors. My art and sexuality plays the role of an outsider looking in. I like to view my art as it touches on a little bit of everything rather than one singular identity; hence why I like to spread my focus on featuring a diverse set of body types, characteristics, and identities. I don’t label any of the bodies I draw to any one “entity,” i.e : personal pronoun, skin color, race and ethnicity as I want anyone to view themselves in my-work.

Art can play a valuable role in one’s ability to express themself, our emotions and thoughts can easily be transferable into an art-form for the whole to see. Selfdiscovery and self-esteem play a role in one sexuality, both ventures can be found through art. Exploring art doesn’t just mean creating something yourself, it also implies to going to a museum / gallery, listening to music, watching a movie; chances are whatever your is going through someone else has as well and translated that feeling into something.

Having an understanding and appreciation of others emotions and interest. Relationship between the two is important as it builds a stronger unified society; whereby anyone and everyone is comfortable with and respects eachother. By understanding what others are thinking and feeling, we’re able to respond appropriately in social situations.

Nicholas Aceves

Mood Ring, 2022

Pencil and marker on linen

Nicholas Aceves In the Meadow, 2023

Pencil on paper

Nicholas Aceves

Warmth, 2023

Pencil on paper

Courtney heidorn

strawberry summer

tide pool

milky

glittered joy

siren

strawberry summer

slicing strawberries and stroking her succulent center: wet and soapy—soaked. we are unstained like my desires when I say I love her. no games—we are as sure as the next strawberry I will slice: quartered, placed in a white bowl, so I can taste her sacred sweetness and be reminded of her abiding touch.

tide pool children do not know— they soak up the world through their fingertips. no unearthed pearls, just the giddiness of odyssey and the anticipation of florescence. oh! to be an anemone— predatory and also soft, sticky. it captures her index as its tip meets my wetness. there’s enchantment written on her face as her fingers dance around me. i open for her— an aquarium.

milky

I held her weak, wine-wrought body and cradled her to sleep. milky moonlight colored our bones as my homily poured out and would not stop: i love you i love you i love you sour stink on her lips echoed in harmony— i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you my mouth got tired. embarrassed, I apologized on behalf of my overfilled heart. no, she said. tell me a story. and I spoke soft and consistent to match the flow of wine from just hours before.

glittered joy

tears trembling on my car remind me of her free harmonized hips— just a glimmer of motion. my two left feet guided the dance under a mirrorball that kaleidoscoped desires. our movement in a nightclub is sacred and profane; glitter, like my memories of her, are on her eyelids and sticks to my neck.

siren ambulance sirens and tears: a polyphony and despite my mother’s frustration of a perpetual scar a therapist tells me to pick the scab medical professionals condone masochism sometimes I release my grief like blue bird guts and welcome the feathered friend the cat brought in even though she never got the chance to choke me in bed or play with the pubic hair she loved a siren pulls me in singing sublimities ugly exposed behind a truthless veil—

Courtney Heidorn

@palimpsestpoems

Courtney Heidorn (she/her) is pursuing a Bachelors of Arts in English and Creative Writing at Azusa Pacific University and is the Editor-in-Chief for her school’s literary journal, The West Wind. Heidorn’s interests include cats, nature, and women, as well as writing about them in poems and creative essays. She is honored to be a contributor in CURIOUS Magazine.

RUNA (aka Rute Norte)

@rute_norte

“One’s work is a way of keeping a diary” – said Picasso. The paintings reflect passing episodes. Lives and experiences expressed on canvas, with paints and brushes.

RUNA’s paintings can either refer to an episode that took place on a trip – a memory – or they can talk about food, or the cat that appeared on the roof. Or be simple ideas and concepts that pass in the moment. In an intuitive style of painting and powerful gestures, with explosions of colour, quite diverse and without unification worries, careful consideration lives side by side with spontaneity. If her practice is often based on unconscious drawings, in whims and improvisations, the calculated and precise composition contrasts with the spontaneous brushstroke.

RUNA was born and lives in Lisbon, Portugal. She has a Master’s Degree in Painting, at Fine Arts Faculty of Lisbon University. She dedicates not only to painting, but also to writing and photography in travel chronicles. The three can be seen on her website: www.rutenorte.com.

RUNA Menstruation, 2021

Acrylic and oil stick on paper

RUNA

The pleasure is all mine, 2021 Acrylic, oil, oil stick and oil pastel on paper

RUNA

The feminine world, 2023

Acrylic and oil on paper

RUNA

Der Kleine Tod (La Petite Mort), 2021

Acrylic and oil on paper

CHEMICAL

@chemicalvillage

Hi there, I’m CHEMICAL. I’m an illustrator from Hong Kong based in Atlanta. I create playful characters that are harmlessly straightforward, full of attitude and have loud personalities— these are some things I’m most fond of and am interested in revealing. Other times, I deconstruct the pain I’ve felt from within other people and in myself, and I explore indirect and humorous ways to illustrate that pain. Through my honest and contrasting art, I want people to look at my pieces and find a naive, human joy. I also want compassion and openness to be shared. All this is important to me as my own complexity and my personality is often overlooked, this might be a common experience for people of Chinese descent, we can be caricaturised and our sovereignty as individuals can be often grazed over. People are complicated and full of contrast and the most generous form of acceptance comes from giving space for those contradictions, within ourselves and in others.

CHEMICAL Caress My Droopy Heart, 2022 Digital

CHEMICAL Haunted House, 2022 Digital

Alma Rota, Labia Encendida was created at the start of the pandemic in 2020 and explores themes of queerness, disability and self love in a time of uncertainty. Using cut outs from fashion issues and music magazines, the artist presents an armored yet delicate piece of art that reveals the beauty and fragility of “brokenness”. While the physical and emotional tenderness of being shattered is clearly depicted, it also brings to light how strength and openness in a disabled body can appear.

Vanessa Villalobos (she/her), also known as Vane or Sassa, is a disabled latinx artist and music industry professional from the Inland Empire with ancestral roots in Jalisco, México. Her influences and creative process stem from her passion for music, fashion and her lived experience as a disabled woman.

Vanessa Cristal Villalobos @sassatratra

Vanessa Cristal Villalobos

Alma Rota, Labia Encendida

(Broken Soul, Glowing Labia), 2020-2023

Mixed media

Mandar Parab

https://www.studioparab.com/ @studioparab

This is Mandar Parab from Mumbai, a city of dreams and yet one that never sleeps. Growing up in a big fat happy Indian family has accelerated my emotional, celebratory and cultural side. Probably the reason why I end up having an amazing connection and instant friendship with my clients. We, together, celebrate their celebrations and capture the best moments of life. After studying, learning, exploring and capturing my own country for 5 years, I came to New York in 2016 and did specialization in Documentary Practice and Visual Journalism from International Center of Photography, NY. And since then, I have been mesmerized with this city’s multicultural global crowd and excited to shoot some of NY’s amazing faces. I love shooting colors, contrast, details, anything that intrigues my inner excitement.

Kake, the fictional character from Tom of Finland is always been my inspiration, I will always think of him while finding my subjects and portraying his style and sexual mannerism through the photographs. Eagle Bar in NYC has been my favorite place to study, observe and visualize how to create by next portrait or a photo story.

SIR SAID, SURRENDER YOURSELF

2023

Mirrorless camera Nikon Z 7 ii

Mandar Parab

Brian 1, 2023

Mirrorless camera Nikon Z 7 ii

Mandar Parab

Brian 2, 2023

Mirrorless camera Nikon Z 7 ii

Mandar Parab

Brian 4, 2023

Mirrorless camera Nikon Z 7 ii

Mandar Parab

Brian 5, 2023

Mirrorless camera Nikon Z 7 ii

Mandar Parab

Brian 3, 2023

Mirrorless camera Nikon Z 7 ii

Andrea Simpson is a SoCal-based artist currently pursuing her Master of Arts at the Cal State University of San Bernardino. Her work is inspired by the psychedelic experience and electronic dance music. Those expressive movements of dancing and the feeling of ecstasy are recreated to show others a glimpse of what sweet bliss feels and utter chaos looks and feels like.

Andrea Simpson

Sex Pot, 2022

Stoneware and glaze

Andrea Simpson

Foreskin, 2022

Stoneware and glaze

Annette Back @annettebackfineart/

Expressing myself visually has always been a part of me. My childhood temperament was painfully shy and verbal communication was difficult. Growing up Jewish in Germany, acutely aware of my people’s history, I was always careful to speak my mind. I credit this mindset with honing my observation skills and looking at the many layers of a situation. When creating art, expression is deliberate, thoughtful and meaningful.

I create abstract or figurative paintings - either using oils or acrylics - that tell stories and connect with emotions. Interpretation of nature, shapes and figures are often achieved by transferring photos and text on the blank canvas and then painting many layers of transparent or opaque colors, lines, textures, patterns, and shades.

Inspirations and ideas come from everything around me and often arise from current events. For example, the painting “Keep Breathing”, developed when the systemic racism issue exploded with George Floyds murder. I listened and educated myself. As a woman and Jew our voices against violence seldom get heard. A vision formed. Images and phrases from the media are placed around a woman’s face. Her mind is screaming, her gaze is forward, into the future with worry, persistence and maybe also hope.

Persistent long lasting love is what I am expressing in “Hold Me”. The figures are juxtaposed with images and text that signify a long lived relationship.

While I am fearlessly using a conceptual, bold and colorful approach, I also have a visual conversation with the viewer and make connections.

Growing up in Frankfurt, Back explored her artistic abilities at an early age. Her family moved to NY, where her creative calling led her to the School of Visual Arts. A career in graphic and web design ensued, culminating in Back running her own Design Firm.

In a quest to discover her own true artistic voice rather than catering to the needs of her design clients, Back found herself remembering her passion for painting, the emotional connection to the brush, the paint and the canvas, the freedom she felt during moments of true expression. She remembered the delight and ecstasy that ensued from a day in the studio and the sense of accomplishment when her own vision comes to life.

Drawing from current events and personal experiences, Back has a natural desire to tell stories. A composition could be a figure conveying an emotion or moment, a geometrically infused landscape, or the intricate details and beauty of an eye. With her signature style, Back extends the narrative of her composition by including text, photographs, or words.

Back has exhibited with MvVo AD Artshow, ArtExpo, Market Art+Design, Conception Arts and galleries in and around NYC. She has completed an Art Residency at Kunstraum and the Artist Residency 2022, Cedar Lakes Estates. Her work is in private collections in the US and abroad.

Anette Back

Hold Me, 2021

Mixed Media & Oil on Canvas

Anette Back

Kiss Me, 2016

Mixed Media & Oil on Canvas

Madeleine Simmons

@bingoishername

Madeleine Simmons is a dyslexic writer who received her MA from CSUSB in English and Writing Studies, her BA in English at UCR, and her AA in Communications from RCC. She has spoken at various conferences, such as the CSUSB Women’s Leadership Conference. She has published work in Inlandia and Wordgathering, as well as articles and forthcoming articles with The Press-Enterprise. She is working on a chapbook about her fibromyalgia with Swallow Tale Press titled Coffee Name. She currently resides with five cats in her home-turned-sanctuary in Riverside, California.

nicked ear

by Madeleine Simmons

I’m not sure what fell to the floor first blood or tears

you sat on the toilet, not a deer caught in headlights a dead possum on the roadside

so I was a single parent giving instructions to you corpse, those ears still worked

I kneeled with one hand on cream cracked tile limp child in the other

mouth still, as your animated eyes watered the cotton balls I scrubbed the death away

when your voice finally came back to life, it shattered what if he died, what would I do if he died?

I met this with plaster to hush the brokenness seeping out your kitten’s not dying as long as I can patch you both back up again.

you held his coned collar, and when I finished, we put it on together he tried again to remove it in an attempt to lick his balls

laughter filled in the sorrow as the cracked cream canvas was the only one who could tell something had happened

Miguel Esparza

Miguel is a portrait and documentary photographer currently residing in Riverside CA. His ability to craft light and color enables him to showcase the world as he sees it. Esparza’s work explores subcultures and fashion, often intersecting the two in his process.

I am queer and deconstructing. Sometimes I feel like my identity is in conflict with itself. It feels like I am in a performance and I am being booed off the stage. It can feel like I’m not fully accepted by those around me and like I have to hide a part of myself. This self portrait is a reflection of that persona. The part of me that I keep hidden to protect myself. A figure only the most trusted can see.

Miguel Esparza

The Performance, 2021 Photography

Little Pots

@_little_pots

Vivian Rabenstein aka Little Pots is a small batch ceramic studio located in Redlands, CA . They specialize in plant and succulent pots in various sizes and shapes. They also create dinnerware and miscellaneous items like bird houses and dog bowls. Every Little Pot is thrown, carved, and glazed by hand. They started their journey in January of 2022 and have been growing since then.

Little Pots

Shlong Mugs, 2023

Ceramic pottery

Ana Everhart

@an.uh.banan.uh

Hello! Don’t be alarmed! Everything you see is gay. My name is Ana or Annie or Al, I’m 26 years old, and queer and I don’t know how to make art that isn’t queer. The way I walk through the world, the way I am perceived, is an act of joyous rebellion and love. I want nothing but love and compassion thus I put out in the world art that reflects the kind of world I want to see. A beautiful sapphic day dream awaits one just needs to pick the fruit and take a bite.

Ana Everhart

Threnody EnBodied, 2020 collage on paper

Sappho in the Garden, 2018

acrylic and collage on canvas board

Ana Everhart

Ana Everhart

Flora x Fauna, 2019

acrylic and collage on vinyl record

Vivien Solveig

www.vivien-solveig.de

Vivien Solveig studied fine arts from 2007 to 2015 in Germany.

Vivien Solveig

Empathy, 2022

Ballpoint pen on paper

Vivien Solveig

Empathy, 2022

Ballpoint pen on paper

Charlie Quintero

The Loser, 2016

mixed-media

Charlie Quintero

Hysterical Literature with Sherlock Holmes, 2016

mixed-media

Charlie Quintero Siouxsie, 2017 mixed-media

Kate Tatsumi

@kate_tatsumi

@_venusclay

Kate Tatsumi was born in 1991 in California. She identifies as a Hapa Women. In 2017 she graduated with her BFA from Art Center College of Design in Pasadena. Tatsumi currently lives and works in Los Angeles.

My practice in interactive sculpture, video and installation questions and explores feminine stereotypes by utilizing feminist language and irony. By challenging the culturally normative sexualized female body, the work lies between essentialist and constructivist feminism. Using pop culture references and forms of breasts and vulvas, my work critiques the social constructs of gender and femininity. Commercialization and fetishization of the young female body in advertising and the feminine product produced and distributed through the media are important by-products in my work. White feminism and the prominence and problematics of the white female world star in western culture are themes I am exploring. My overall practice critiques the socialized associations with the feminine, explores gender roles, and encourages feminist dialogues.

Kate Tatsumi

Fuck Off Uterus, 2022 ceramic, gold, statice blooms

Dakota Noot

@dakotanoot

I am a human paper doll. Paper is a strange, surreal, and colorful world that I translate across mediums. I explore depictions of gender and sexuality through installations (made with drawings mounted on free-standing foam core), wearable art taped to my body, and videos that mix stop-motion with performance art. I draw with crayon and color pencil. I want to be seen as a cartoon character: playfully violent, entertaining, and educational.

Dakota Noot is a Los Angeles-based artist and curator. He uses drawings, paintings, and installations to create animal-human hybrids that explore rural yet fantastical, queer identities. Originally from Bismarck, North Dakota, he continues to show in both North Dakota and Los Angeles, including solo and two-person shows at Highways Performance Space, MuzeuMM, and PØST. Noot has exhibited in group shows at Charlie James Gallery, Shoshana Wayne Gallery, Torrance Art Museum, and LAST Projects. His series of cutout drawing-installations have been shown at LA Freewaves, Cerritos College Art Gallery, and Otis College. His work has been featured in Hi-Fructose. Noot graduated with a BFA in Visual Arts from the University of North Dakota (2015) and an MFA from Claremont Graduate University (2017).

Crayon

Dakota Noot Smell the wax, 2022

and color pencil drawings on paper

Dakota Noot

Daddy’s got you, 2021

Crayon and color pencil drawings on paper

Dakota Noot

Who’s yer daddy?, 2021

Crayon and color pencil

drawings on paper

Dakota Noot

Masculinity is a costume, 2021

Crayon and color pencil

drawings on paper

Effren Castro

i want u 2 fuck the existential crisis out of me residue

crucifixion

i want u 2 fuck the existential crisis out of me fuck me with your tongue

i love how it vibrates sounds

i need to hear b4 i leave toxico amor is what i want what i’m used 2 what i love & what i fear

emotions overwhelm me this life overwhelms me i need petty feelings 2 overwhelm me

i need time is always fleeting my time is always fleeting our time is always fleeting let’s take this time that’s always fleeting and forget about it’s

4 us

4 them 2 be forgotten 1 day

but tonight we’ll burn into each other’s memory. whoever goes first will live on inside the other until the last of our collection of lovers leaves & turns us into nothing.my neck.

death is meant

4 people who leave who love who stay and torment who we never forget

residue

i wish you’d stay long enough to know all of me past present and future, i wish you’d known the things i know now when i knew you if you’d invited me over i’d run dressed in my new casual clothes with my new best cologne so you know i’ve done fine on my own the now taints the past and i don’t know what i’d say i’d only show up to prove a point but i know when i see you my knees would buckle and my body would tingle not in a “i love you” way but in a way that says “you scare me now”

you’d offer me water

i’d reply “i’ve got my own” on my bottle there’s still residue in the shape of a heart from the sticker you gave me

i’ll do you a favor

i won’t tell you

i keep it hidden in my notebook if you do me one and don’t tell me you remember

i’m bad at letting go

crucifixion

i align my body with the cross, disrobe, extend my shoulders, extend my thighs. i ask to be strapped, i call you by name.

i’m allowing you to hurt me. if i leave today unscathed i’ll take that as “i love you too”

Kathy Crabbe

@kathycrabbeart

I’ve been an artist and astrologer forever and a soul reader since awakening my intuition at age forty while painting with my non-dominant left hand. I’ve published five oracle decks to combine with my soul readings for deeper insight.

I live and work near Temecula, California on the traditional land of the Payómkawichum and the 1000 Islands, Ontario, Canada on traditional Anishinaabe and Haudenosaunee territories with my dog Djinn Djinn and partner in homes we’ve built ourselves.

By painting ‘otherness’ expressed via nude, non binary aliens I share my lived experience of being Autistic. I also share the supernatural gifts many Autistic people exhibit in the way I make these paintings. Each piece of the painting is randomly (intuitively) chosen from six different sources. All these elements invite chance into the painting and open portals to chaos and deep play similar to the way my Neurodivergent brain experiences the world.

Kathy Crabbe

Why?, 2021

Acrylic gouache, collage and ink on paper

Kathy Crabbe

Methods of Perception, 2021

Acrylic gouache, collage and ink on paper

Kathy Crabbe Into Worlds Not Yet Born, 2021 Acrylic gouache, collage and ink on paper

Kathy Crabbe

Snake Charmer, 2021

Acrylic gouache, collage and ink on paper

Toria Maldonado @toughandtender toriamaldonado.com

Even On My Good Days is a self portrait depicting my figure checking themselves out in their bathroom mirror. Collaged under the painting are clippings of news articles arranged throughout the piece referencing current transphobic legislation, bans, and laws in the United States. My portrait juxtaposes the internal and external struggles of being unapologetically trans — despite how I feel about myself, the powers that be fail to see the humanity and dignity of trans people (even less so if you are Black, Indigenous, femme, fat, and disabled). A written piece, an accompaniment to the portrait, describes the reality of how trans joy is often overshadowed by physical and emotional violence from both complete strangers and loved ones. Even On My Good Days questions if their existence is merely a mirror to find shame in. This forces the viewer to find empathy in one’s humanity as well as their sexuality.

Toria Maldonado

July 2022

An Excerpt for Even On My Good Days

Even on days I feel like I’m looking at me for the first time

Even on days the pain isn’t overwhelming

Even on days the weight doesn’t feel as heavy

Even on my good days, when love doesn’t feel so far away

I’m reminded how little joy lasts

And it’s best to keep everyone at arm’s length

Because some day they’ll use those same arms that once embraced me

To turn and suffocate me with

Why am I worthy of your violence?

What about my humanity?

Why can’t you see me?

Why can’t you see me past your guilt? Your projection?

Why deny yourself when we both can be free.

Sarah Eckstine

www.saraheckstine.com

@saraheckstine

Sarah Eckstine (she/her) is an artist from Western Maryland who is currently pursuing her MFA at Illinois State University. Sarah’s work is focused on her struggles with and subsequent healing from having female sexual dysfunctions. She works with artistic practices such as digital, analog, and alternative process photography to create self-portraits and autobiographical work about the subjects surrounding sex, both in its pain and its pleasure, her process of healing both physically and mentally, and re-learning what it means to be compassionate to one’s body. Through her visual work, her goal is to provide a place of comfort for those dealing with the same conditions and to help open the door for more discussion about female sexual dysfunction.

Digital Photograph

Sarah Eckstine

Soul Source Silicone Dilator Size #3, 2020

Dilator Lumen Print, 2020

Lumen Print

Sarah Eckstine

@b.elae

B. Elae is an author, poet, performer, and small business owner from a small town in Indiana who’s carried out her long existing passion to serve youth and survivors of crime while writing poetry. Longing to create a safe space for the seemingly unseen and overlooked, B. started sharing and performing her poetry over 9 years ago with hopes her work would offer comfort, support, honesty, and connection. Currently working on her third poetry book and new merchandise and art, you can read more of B. Elae’s work on Facebook (@B. Elae), and/or Instagram (@b.elae)

Can you manage in here?

Should we block the door?

Is it better on the counter, by the mirror?

Or better on this tile floor?

Do you smell my perfume, or more so my pheromones?

Maybe we can move to a stall, just in case we aren’t alone

Do you like the way our shapes align?

Do you think the neighbors mind?

Is it okay, if just for now, I make an arch with my spine?

I know I’ve hips and thighs thick as molasses, but you’ve not griped a bit

And you’ve asked to cross the lines, just as long as I permit

Are you comfortable, too?

Do my arms keep you sane?

Is it too much to talk about the way you said my name?

Can you manage in here?

Can we agree to be fully bare?

Can we lie here after, with just the souls we wear? ...Can you?

- B. Elae, “Black Nectar”

Til Doomsday Art

@tildoomsdayart

Til Doomsday Art is designed and curated by a single artist F.K.A Doom Cakes. My first initial painting for this brand was inspired by an endangered species, the Nubian giraffe. This idea of fine art paintings, graphic designs and more made in the time period of a global climate crisis. While some of my artwork is a direct callout to hold ourselves accountable, others are intended to admire what is and once was. Feelings of grief, empathy, admiration and helplessness are communicated through mixed media of art. I hope to encourage individuals to have conversations about uncomfortable realities we are currently facing. As well as to cherish and protect what we still have.

When I first saw the post about this magazine, I felt the need to speak up about who I am beyond the empathy I try to heavily communicate for the planet. Initially for the first year I tried not to make appearances on my artist social medias or post about who I am.

Probably due to the fact that understanding who I am was really tough. I remember the first two events I attended I was reasonably scared to be out there presenting so masculine with a chest binder and refusing to shave my little happy trail. The response to my art however proved to me that the right people are not going to give a fuck who I look like or how I dress for the time being, they empathize with the art.

So here we are. My main goal this year is to know no limitations, just create out of pure passion for who I am and the world around me. Expressing gender fluidity in my usual mediums like paintings or graphic design isn’t always as forward as how I can communicate being stressed under societal pressures or by the climate crisis.

Being a gender fluid person influences my sexuality, and confused the hell out of me every day for most of my life. I am technically bi-sexual since my attraction is towards both genders. As a kid though, I just thought of myself as a tom boy. Yet when people would mistake me for being a boy it felt like one of the biggest compliments ever. I refused to consider that the crushes I had on girls were romantic, since I had some family that were very religious I was afraid of being rejected by my peers. During later years of grade school after having experienced heavy amounts of harassment from poorly raised pubescent boys, I began to think maybe the masculine part of me might just be a defense mechanism. It wasn’t until the recent years in my 20s where

I really began to analyze the experiences I had within myself. To be very open, I lost my sense of self each time that my resolve was just to stick to being a constantly feminine presenting person cause that was the easier thing to do. Until I had to let go of it because I was so unhappy suppressing the part of me that also loved women and wanted to just wear a fucking pair of boxers. Finding courage to just do whatever, or be whoever I wanted to be is not always so hard for everyone. My experience is that some people are born with their metaphorical with bolas from the start, but mine did not drop until I couldn’t take hiding in my comfort zones any longer.

These few photos were taken when Im presenting both feminine and masculine. I might look silly because this whole photo op was just a fun time smoking a bit of Mary Jane and discussing the topic with the photographer. Swavy is a talented photographer and graphic designer, who has become a friend of mine that I know is to good for the world. As most people are. Curious has been one of my favorite reads and involvements thus far. They are genuinely curious about the talent within their own community. We need platforms like this who can remind us, despite the ongoing crime against anything that is not straight or white, we are here. We are not going to stop being ourselves or protecting and uplifting one another. Til Doomsday my darlings,

- Doom Cakes

Scotty Escobar

@sadsincethe90s

Scotty Escobar is a writer and artist based in Santa Ana, California. Having been published and exhibited over the years, Scotty’s work is most known for its brief yet heavy nature. Themes pertaining to grief and intimacy are regularly explored and examined throughout these projects.

“I don’t know how to say it,” I half-murmur and halfstutter inside my 2004 Toyota Corolla that isn’t actually mine, just another thing I borrowed from others. “It’s just—this is going to sound horrible. I just get attached to people, you know?”

From our windshield, my boyfriend and I stare out as I drive. Our midnight town lit up by quiet traffic lights. Green, yellow, red. Everything smudging into something else. Words with the rumbling of an engine. Colors with the steam from our breathing. And he says something, and I wish I understood, so badly.

And somewhere during this drive, there’s a small dog, or maybe a cat, torn apart on the road. Smeared onto the gray pavement by someone else’s tires. And all I can think about is the harm we do to others. And I see it. And he doesn’t.

March 26, 2021

Allyson Libao

Homegirl, Lover, Pinay

These three pieces are a short evolution of my sexuality from the last few years. Having empathy means loving every version of me when each piece was created. When I think of empathy + sexuality together, it feels like love.

Each title represents the three Filipino languages spoken in my family. My creativity and existence will always be rooted in my Philippine ancestry.

Allyson Libao

“Bulsek Ni Ayat” Love Is Blind in Ilokano, 2020 Gouache, Magazines

Allyson Libao

“Libreng Pagkamuot” Free Love in Bikol, 2021

Gouache, Magazines

Allyson Libao

“Yakap Ng Pag-Ibig” Love’s Embrace in Tagalog, 2022 Gouache, Magazines

Arzu Kastal

@akastal_art

Despite her deep passion towards art and international success (United Nations Population Fund-UNFPA Awards) in painting, the artist was forced to pursue a career in the opposite direction. However, family pressure couldn’t stop her from taking Interior Architecture education -secretly- during her college years, and many painting classes thereafter. Her art has been shown in various exhibitions since 1991.

Arzu found the chance and time to get involved in art during the pandemic and displayed more than 30 paintings in Claremont Artwalk and Pomona Artwalk in 2022. “Grace’’ was one of the artworks selected to be shown in Fullerton Museum’s “Fullerton: Art Town” exhibition in 2022. “Melancholy” came in 1st in Pomona Valley Art Association Fall 2022 show. “Life” was one of the selected artworks in Sasse Museum of Art’s “SeeMe” juried digital catalogue and exhibition. “Sisterhood” and “Skateboarder ’s Dream” are included in the Honorable Mentions of (Bold Art and Orange Art, respectively) Open Call at artrepreneur.com.

The artist explores the other 1000 women living inside her through her paintings. She believes that life is about creating yourself and she is definitely on a journey of re-creating herself. In her words: ‘I am not trying to be perfect, just enjoying the journey!”

Her paintings present a combination of abstract, figurative forms, and drawing. She loves the texture of cardboards and experimenting with different techniques and mediums. She focuses mainly on woman nature.

“Crawl

Equality” and “Queen” are her way of expressing empathy and emotional support to the women in Iran at this pivotal moment in history.

to Gender

Arzu Kastal

Crawl to Gender Equality, 2022

Acrylics + Oil Pastels on stretched Canvas

Crawl to Gender Equality” is an arts-based expression of solidarity with the brave women of Iran, in their intersectional movement for freedom and human rights.

To shape better communities, we should break free from gender discrimination and be focused on beyond our sexualities. No hair, no clothes, no hair scarfs to define my gender. This is ME! I am more than my sexuality!

Arzu Kastal

Queen, 2022

Acrylics + Oil Pastels on Cardboard

“Queen” as the symbol of brave and noble women of Iran.

Matt Garcia-Ramirez @mattlikesjazz

Matt is a Queer Latino artist who explores the intersectionalities of his identity through poetry. By telling his stories, Matt strives to create space for radical selfreflection and growth.

Luna

I remember really feeling the ocean breeze

For the first time

How its salty spirits flowed through my arms

Wrapped around my tongue with every word

How its minerals infused within my hair

I remember hearing the ocean sing

For the first time

How my anxieties felt like melodies

I thought

I’m here

I remember coming here

With others

How I only focused on the beaming sun

And the chaffing of my legs

But tonight I can hear

How his body calls for mine

Embodying the moon

As it calls for its waves

As we searched for jupiter in the palms of our hands

Here it is!

I look up and

I can see how I glisten in his eyes

And there it was again

The ocean breeze

Convecting in my stomach

I let myself be free

By subducting to its power

And then it happened

As he etched with his thumb the crescent moon on my face

And our lips converged

//That night I was reborn a pearled luna With craters around my neck//

That weekend When I was asked What is that on your neck?

I laughed And Smiled

As I felt the ocean breeze

Become the glare in my eyes

It was the first time I felt like me

And it was beautiful.

I strutted like I was a portrait I replied, Can’t you see?

I’m wearing me.

Rosy Cortez

Sacred Rose,2016

Oil on wood

Rosy Cortez

@PaintedRosy

Artist statement and/or bio: Rosy Cortez is a Painter and Muralist based in Riverside CA. She has studied Fine Art and Photography at Riverside Community College and received a Bachelor’s of Fine Arts in Figurative painting from California State University of Long Beach. Rosy is currently a core member of the community art studio, Eastside Arthouse, that aims to empower artists in the Inland Empire. Her work explores themes from her Chicano culture, femininity and self-identities. She sees the act of painting as a catalyst for healing herself and her community.

Jessie Welch @hellojessiegirl

Jessie Welch is a Latina visual artist based in Riverside, CA, focusing on systemic and institutional injustices. Her recent work centers on reintroducing the self through the lens of those whom Welch considers “the chains that bind.”

This notion jump-started the core of her Restricted series, a commentary on the double-edged gaze of society on trans/ cis/non-binary women’s expressions of sexuality. With her fire reignited, Welch’s coming works seek subversion of the third kind, which moves to strike at the chains of a repressed society hellbent on censoring the complex nature of the world around us. Welch describes her artistic voice as the soul that lies at the intersection of her experiences and conjured future. Welch’s mission is to use art as flint to spark community conversation and bring attention and advocacy for self-liberation. Welch realizes that an artist’s role is allowing oneself room for vulnerability and actively curating a safe space for people to indulge in that freedom without censorship or fear.

Jessie Welch was born in Milwaukie, OR, and was raised in Los Angeles, CA. The spark of her passion for arts began with watching her mother sketch as a child and grew in skill during her teen years in high school. Although Welch hasn’t been formally educated in the arts, the fundamentals she absorbed during high school. Thus, it allowed her to explore and thrive through selfeducation. Today, she is a student at Cal State Fullerton, double majoring in sociology and psychology. Welch’s educational background informs her motivations and fuels her passion for social change and community advocacy. As a whole, Welch’s work seeks to address the complex nature of long-standing social issues. Welch’s perpective as a neurodivergent Latina woman is a holistic element and influences how she moves about in the world through her visual storytelling.

Jessie Welch

Restricted (1),(2),(3),(4), 2022, Oil on canvas

Restricted (5), 2023, oil on wood panel

Julie Flores

Supreme boxer, 2022 polaroid

Julie Flores

@ julieelisaflores_

B. 1988, Long Island, NY she earned B.A. in filmmaking with an emphasis in editing from Columbia College Hollywood in 2010. She is a photographer and artist based in Long Island, NY. She started working on photography in high school after taking a beginner’s class. Where she first started to learn with analog, developing, and prints and truly enjoy the whole process of it. There is something truly magical about watching your photography come to life. She continues her study in college and grows confident with her work. She later moves on to digital for a while. Now she shoots all different forms but mainly in Instant film and analog. Analog will always be her favorite and her first love. Her style is hard to describe because I just capture moments in time, whatever that is. It can be a stranger, friends, or family. She enjoys capturing a town, buildings, and nature. Photography is like air to her, it makes a lot of sense to her and brings her joy. She feels most comfortable and confident with a camera in her hand. Her work as being published in three different publications.

Untitled (Self Portrait)

35mm photo

Julie Flores

Untitled (Self Portrait)

35mm photo

Julie Flores

Amber Lauder

@instantambie

https://amberlauder.com/

Amber Lauder is an instant film photographer currently living in the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania area. She uses instant film photography to allow herself to surrender control, let go and practice patience. Though her photographs are shot with intention and creativity in mind, she is thrilled by the unpredictability of developed instant film.

Amber Lauder

Self Envy, 2022

Polaroid Now+ on Polaroid Color i-Type Film

Amber Lauder

Selfwish, 2022

Polaroid Now+ on Polaroid Color i-Type Film

Amber Lauder

Self Love, 2022

Polaroid Now+ on Polaroid Color 600 Film

Amber Lauder

I Hug Myself, 2023

Polaroid SLR 680 on Polaroid Color 600 Film

Gemma JG @bagofgems

Raised in Los Angeles with roots in Veracruz, Mexico. Gemma JG creative work explores urban ecologies, collective memories, movement y ternura through mixed mediums.

Gemma JG

Mirame, 2022

Color Pencil/Digital

Te dije que era un desastre, que he amado y perdido que he mentido.

Yo me he tragado la lengua una y otra vez.

Y tu.

Tú me mirasteis escuchasteis y contasteis tus verdades.

No te fuisteis.

Has sido testigo de cómo la vida nos ha quitado. Como nos da y no sabemos que carajo tenemos.

Que poca!

Que poca.

¿Pues, entonces qué?

¿Bailamos entre las llamas que encendimos y empezamos de nuevo?

¿Me enredas en tus besos, y acaricias mi cuerpo?

Que quiero llegar al otro lado de esta cueva y ver él amanecer.

Kiru Kona

@kiru_kona

https://sites.google.com/view/kirukona

Déjà-vu is a reflection of my desire to create a new environment that empowers individuals to break free from old structures and establish a safe space for emotions and intimacy. Through my art, I aim to evoke the feeling of “dejavu” - that sensation of something familiar that has happened before. Using the technique of collages, I take pictures and recreate them into something new yet still familiar. This approach is similar to the structures we aim to break in order to create something new while preserving the best of the old. As I collaborate with others and create connections, I am reminded of the power of relationships and the importance of breaking free from the constraints of the past. Through my art, I strive to understand and learn from the past, while also freeing myself and others to explore new and uncharted territories. Ultimately, my goal is to create a safe and empowering space where individuals can feel a sense of connection and belonging, and where their emotions and experiences are celebrated and validated.

Kiru Kona is a multimedia artist based in Vienna, Austria. Her artist name is derived from a family name and the Japanese philosophy of the “Kimono principle,” which emphasizes making the best use of a single piece of material without producing any waste. Kiru is convinced that nature provides us with the best inspiration and knowledge, and her artwork aims to reflect the beauty of reality and capture the zeitgeist. She explores themes such as physicality and perception, using a range of media from analog photography and video to digital illustrations and 2D/3D design.

Kiru pays particular attention to aesthetics, using clear, graphic lines and bold colors to convey feeling and inspiration. Her art is meant to encourage viewers to look beyond what is immediately visible and seek deeper understanding. Kiru has exhibited her work in a number of venues, and she continues to explore new techniques and mediums in her ongoing artistic practice.

Brandon Avalos

Template for Co-Existence, 2022

Digital Adobe Illustration

Brandon Avalos @studiofaces

For 100% co-existence among all colors of the spectrum. A combination for each pairing. A visual analogy for an acceptance and unity of all people, races, genders, sexualities, and social classes. -FACES

Caitlin Walton @worminthewhiskey

I’m from Kent, England and consider myself to be an outsider/armature artist. I like to portray a slightly unsettling vibe in an otherwise calm environment. This is due to the fact that I am comforted by the odd elements of life as well as the beauty the world has to offer.

Twice a week for two years I visited a resident at St. John Care home in Tankerton. This was to help her achieve her goals with her own personal art. Her daughter employed me privately from 2018 to 2020 and she really benefitted from these sessions as she suffered from brain damage and was a former art teacher. Her favourite medium was acrylic on canvas so that’s what we used and I still use it to this day.

I struggle with body image and use painting as a way to combat that. I do this by using my body as reference for all the figures in my work. This allows me to see myself in a different light as momentarily I am no longer concerned with how other people see me, I’m just interpreting my own self. I change features such as gender, skin tone, weight, muscle etc. so that I can include lots of different beautiful bodies in my art. However, I still get a sense of putting my physical form into my work as well as my emotional self.

I experience thoughts of self doubt and self criticism however the response I get from sharing my art is overwhelmingly positive which is so validating and inspires me to create more

Caitlin Walton

PICNIC, 2022

Acrylic on canvas

DESERT ROSE, 2022

Acrylic on canvas

Caitlin Walton

NORMAL BEN, 2022

Acrylic on canvas

Caitlin Walton

DUNCE, 2020

Caitlin Walton

Acrylic on canvas

Caitlin Walton

LADY GARDEN, 2020

Acrylic on canvas

Caitlin Walton

TESCO VALUE, 2022

Acrylic on canvas

Caitlin Walton

RED BULL, 2019

Acrylic on canvas

NYMPH, 2022

Acrylic on canvas

Caitlin Walton

kaden ezra umaña zaldumbide

@enby.diablo

kaden ezra umaña zaldumbide is a Los Angeles born and raised artist, currently pursuing an undergraduate degree in Studio Art and Theatre and Dance at the University of California, Davis.

Their work utilizes multiple disciplines to explore the development and nuances in marginalized communities and their shared experiences. With context from the different marginalized communities, his work evaluates intersecting marginalized experiences within societal systems. Contrasting family history to contemporary events, kaden’s work primarily focuses on Latinx and Queer identities.

Along with the University of California, Davis, kaden has also studied in The New York Academy of Art’s Summer Residency Program. Their work can be found on display at The Basement Gallery, a student-run organization on the UC Davis campus, of which they are a Lead Director. overwhelmingly positive which is so validating and inspires me to create more.

kaden ezra umaña zaldumbide

baby bear: growing out of boyhood I–IX, 2023

Photography polyptych

Vincent Villalpando

@stinkyy.art

My name is Vincent Villalpando. I am a latino trans male mixed media artist. I write poetry based on my life experience, trauma, and love.

Steven W. Bielak

Truth Or Con-Sequins, 2018

Acrylic paint, cut glass, Swarovski crystals, and sequins.

Steven W. Bielak

@stevenbielak

swbielak@gmail.com

https://www.facebook.com/myhandatartswbielak/

Steven W. Bielak | West Coast Artist | San Bernardino, CA

*Mediums ~ Acrylic, watercolors, cloth, wood, glass, eyelashes and bunch of other things.

*Inspirations ~ Nature, bright colors, fantasy, rising off the canvas and wild hair.

I love doing this as it takes me away to another world inside myself and can expose these new worlds on canvas for all to see.

*Greatest achievement so far is being a published artist in the Laguna Beach and Palm Springs Patrons Art Magazine. Also, as of 2022 I am an Arts and Historical Commissioner for the City Of San Bernardino, CA.

I love flipping roles and telling stories of what should have been.

O’er the River

Light breeze carries soft music ‘long a river. The source, a young couple top a stone bridge. Playing the music is Kaspar. She strums an oud whilst leaned next to Nikol as she hums ‘long to her beat, whilst using her oud like a drum. Nikol sits on the flat rail of the bridge, his skirt flutters ‘hind him as he sings to his lover’s music. His butterfly sleeves dance as he moves and sways. Nikol’s voice complements Kaspar’s music as if their love was destined. People pass, tossing coins into Kaspar’s instrument case lying open on the ground. They leave with smiles, oft’ humming along. Some even stop a while with Nikol trying to hear them sing ‘long. His lyrics are new to most, being from a different region. The sun sets ‘hind the couple as their upbeat medley softens to a somber lullaby. Kaspar set her oud in the case. Tossing the case o’er her shoulder, she guides Nikol in her arms as he near sings himself to sleep. A normal end to the couple’s days

Serena Martin

Girl on Mars

Bumblebee

Falling in love in a coffee shop

You are magic.

Dreams

Girl on Mars

Extraterrestrial-like

An outsider

This strange world to me feels like another planet.

The Little Dipper and Orion always have the warmest of welcomesI must find my way back to the stars

Bumblebee

It’s hard to imagine a life of a bumblebee being hard, Surrounded by flowers,gardens, and it’s very own hive.

brothers and sisters all working accordingly togetherA family.

Creating a sweet sweet prize of their own creation, honey.

A pollinators paradise.

I’ve grown envious of the sweet simplicity of their lives; Every single one of those winged creatures knows their exact duty in their world.

What is yours?

Falling in love in a coffee shop

You held the door for me

As I gazed into your emerald eyes you gave a shy like grin as your cheeks turned into roses.

We ordered the same latte and the storefront had the aroma of espresso beans.

I wanted to sit beside you but I felt too shy at the time so I grabbed the seat across from yours.

We talked about everything

The sun

Vacations

Middle names

Favorite colors

Almost everything was agreed upon, is this real? Do I already possess this kind of affection for another oh so quickly?

I most definitely do.

You are magic.

You sprinkle stardust with your coffee

Along with a spoonful of lust and charm.

Casting a spell on those who capture the essence of your beauty, they’re hooked. Your favorite belt is made with shooting stars and gold sewn into the thread, your eyes are pure gemstones.

Consider yourself so very lucky if you get cast next.

You are magic.

You sprinkle stardust with your coffee

Along with a spoonful of lust and charm.

Casting a spell on those who capture the essence of your beauty, they’re hooked.

Your favorite belt is made with shooting stars and gold sewn into the thread, your eyes are pure gemstones.

Consider yourself so very lucky if you get cast next.

Dreams

I used to wonder if you dreamt of me on the very same nights you appeared in mine, If somehow we both share those conversations in our subconscious.

As I lay my head on my pillow I cannot deny that I am wishing for us to talk once more with the stars tonight.

Nancy Martin @momhawk_ / @yoni_auras

Nancy Martin is a Chicana mixed media artist. She was born in Bellflower, Los Angeles, and raised in Moreno Valley, while currently residing in Menifee, Ca with her husband and 9 year old son. In creating “Yoni Auras” Nancy focuses on using watercolor as her primary medium using abstract realism with vibrant color schemes.

Yoni (Vulva) art acknowledges the superpower life giving creative essence of the divine feminine. It rejects the conditioning of the suppressed feminine archetype and is a full embodiment of an empowered feminine identity.

Nancy received her AA from The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Los Angeles in 2001, with a focus in Interior Design.

After graduating she worked project managing commercial and residential design projects for ten years, serving the Inland Empire. In 2010 she decided to return to her passion of art.

Nancy is a self taught artist, art educator and energetic healer who work focuses on issues surrounding women, mothers, female empowerment, women’s sexual health, women’s mental health, children and spirituality. portraits as a reminder of the immense power they hold as a creatrix.

Nancy Martin La Primavera, 2019 Watercolor

Inspired by the spiritual and mental connections that can happen while creating art. Nancy uses art as a way to release negative conditioning, allow her mind to process trauma and pain and alchemize them into art. This process allows her mind to create new perspectives and connections. While practicing a “yoni gaze” exercise Nancy realized how powerful painting her vulva was. Seeing her vulva vibrantly depicted in color began to heal many wounds surrounding sexual abuse, religious and cultural shame as well as body image issues. As a result , she felt more connected to herself, her sexuality, creativity and her ancestral line of women. Painting her vulva portrait allowed her to more fully embody, respect and channel the creative power she holds within her, not only as a life giving being but as a creator of her own life.

Using watercolors and abstract realism, Nancy evokes more powerful feelings from the viewer. Breaking away from traditional figurative representation allows her to captivate the viewer with out allowing them to reject the image. The abstraction allows the viewer to softly approach before they are able to feel shame and guilt. She captures soft, illumine-scent layers of translucent color softly blending them into a the bold defined areas of the labia. The contrast of bringing bold colors to illuminate a typically dark and overshadowed part of the anatomy evokes feelings of eye catching beauty. Opening up conversations about shame, guilt and disgust and the origins of those thoughts. Today Nancy continues to serve women by empowering them with personalized vulva.@

Keely Shinners

@keely.shinners (IG) / @etheoryal_ (TW)

Keely Shinners is the editor of ArtThrob and the author of How To Build a Home for the End of the World (Perennial Press, 2022). Their essays have appeared in Electric Literature, Flypaper Lit, Mail & Guardian, Mask Magazine & Full Stop. Their fiction has been featured in The Sun and Peach Magazine. Keely lives and works in Cape Town.

How to Build a Home for the End of the World, 2022

Memory. Or rather, a pretend memory, halfway between delusion and a dream. A voice, Ida’s voice, whispering, “All bodies are bodies of water.” They tumble into Ida’s bed, kissing. Ida tugs at the hem of Mary-Beth’s pink t-shirt, undressing her. Embarrassed, Mary-Beth tries to pull the sheets up over the crotch of her faded, butterfly-printed underwear. Ida smiles, eases them off, and tosses them into her suitcase full of clothes.

“Imagine, if you can, the logistics of water,” Ida explains. “You have to be adaptable, ready to perform any number of tasks at a moment’s notice. Rush. Spill. Swell. Wave. Pump. Drip. Rain down. Bubble up. But then, there are things water is not allowed to do. Like rest. Like desire. Like disappear and never return. Water is not allowed to stop being water.”

Reaching down, Ida presses on the bud of skin at the center of Mary-Beth’s body. Mary-Beth trembles, thrilled to relinquish a place she had kept private to another person’s hands. Ida rubs her, gently at first, and then harder, faster, revealing vacuums of pleasure Mary-Beth didn’t know she had. All the while, she whispers in Mary-Beth’s ear: “People expect water to be limitless, the way time is limitless. Which is why water has to set boundaries. This is why water hides.”

Ida sinks her fingers into the wetness inside, makes a motion like untangling lake weeds from a fishing hook. Mary-Beth’s hips rock, oscillating between wanting Ida closer, deeper, and then, overwhelmed with feeling, wanting to draw away. Ida breathing: “Water’s favorite place to hide is in a body. Water loves to coat eyelids, to fill mouths, to pool between thighs. Water possesses us, then makes us thirst.”

Something in Mary-Beth bursts. And she can feel it, her body of water, leaking out between her legs.

Keith Ballard

Exploring the theatrical violence of white gay sex.

Keith Ballard

Sex Party

Crayon and pencil

Keith Ballard

Raging leapot

Acrylic paint on canvas

The birthday party

Keith Ballard

Acrylic paint on canvas

Keith Ballard

Mirror boys

Gouache

Keith Ballard

Frat pain

Acrylic paint on canvas

Keith Ballard

Backyard Cowboy

Crayon and pen

Keith Ballard

Strawberry prisoner

Acrylic paint on canvas

Keith Ballard

Rat King

Photograph in paper mache frame

Keith Ballard Studio shot

Keith Ballard

Cow piss

Ceramic frame gouache drawing

Keith Ballard

Installation shot from the artist’s studio

Keith Ballard

Untitled Video Still

Keith Ballard

Untitled Video Still

Ceramic, Gatorade, paper mache covered video monitors