May 11, 2010 by Current Publishing

CARMELFEST LINEUP ANNOUNCED / P2

WILSON: MY WORST NIGHTMARE HAS COME TRUE / P5

NEW DIRECTOR LOOKS TO EXPAND HCLA / P7

Tuesday May 11, 2010 FREE

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Westfield residents Liz and Chris Hatton bring wild birds to their home and back to health / P9 Photo by CW Photography

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CarmelFest announces entertainment lineup Current Publishing CarmelFest 2010 officials have announced a wide variety of acts for this year’s running, July 4-5 at Civic Square. The schedule: July 4 Gazebo Main Stage Noon-2:45 p.m. – CarmelFest Has Talent 3:15-4:15 p.m. – Carmel Brass 5-7 p.m. – Barometer Soup (rock, beach/island) 7:30-10:30 p.m. – The Wright Brothers (country, rock, Americana) Americana North Zone Noon-1 p.m. – Charlie's Pocket Jazz Trio 1-1:45 p.m. – Indy Dog and Disc: Frisbee Dog Show 1:45-2:30 p.m. – Actors Theater of Indiana: Patriotic Theater 2:45-3:45 p.m. – Emily Ann Thompson: Celtic music 3:45-4:30 p.m. – Indy Dog and Disc: Frisbee Dog Show 4:45-5:30 p.m. – Actors Theater of Indiana: Patriotic Theater 5:30-5:45 p.m. – Carmel Fire Dept: Cooking Fire Demonstration 6-7:30 p.m. – Gordon Bonham Blues Band 8-10 p.m. – Blue Monkey Side Show KidZone South Stage 1 p.m. – Indiana Jim's Reptile Show 2:30 p.m. – Master Yoo's Worldclass Tae Kwon Do: Interactive Demo 3:30 p.m. – ShowTime Dance Company: Musical and Dance Review 5 p.m. – Indiana Jim's Reptile Show 6 p.m. – ShowTime Dance Company: Musical and Dance Review 7 p.m. – Oogles n Googles Interactive Rock and Roll Experience 8 p.m. – Silly Safaris Animal Show 9 p.m. – Comedy Sportz July 5 Gazebo Main Stage Noon-1:30 p.m. – The Tides (Caribbean-flavored rock) 2-3:30 p.m. – Deep Breath: (light rock) 4-5:30 p.m. – Healing Sixes (original rock) 6-7:30 p.m. – Blair and Co. (rock, R&B) 7:30-8:15 p.m. – CarmelFest Has Talent finals 8:30-9:45 p.m. – Carmel Symphony Orchestra 9:45 p.m. – Fireworks with simulcast on B105.7 Americana North Zone Noon-1 p.m. – Carmel Voices: Patriotic a capella 1-1:45 p.m. – Dog and Disc: Frisbee Dog Show 1:45-2 p.m. – Carmel Fire Dept: Cooking Fire Demonstration 2-3 p.m. – Heavenly Mambo (jazz trio) 3:30-5 p.m. – Jimmy the Doorman (classic rock) 5-5:15 p.m. – Carmel Fire Dept: Cooking Fire Demonstration 5:15-6 p.m. – Indy Dog and Disc: Frisbee Dog Show 6-7:45 p.m. – Ben Hammond (solo acoustic rock) 8:15-9:45 p.m. – The Elms (original rock) 9:45 p.m. – Fireworks with simulcast on B105.7 KidZone South Stage Noon – Silly Safaris Animal Show 1 p.m. – Oogles n Googles Interactive Under the Sea Experience 2 p.m. – Magical Moments with Ryan Demler 3 p.m. – Comedy Sportz 4 p.m. – MC Axe and the Firecrew w/ Kasey the fire and life safety dog 6 p.m. – Oogles n Googles Interactive Rock and Roll Experience 7 p.m. – Magical Moments with Ryan Demler 8 p.m. – MC Axe and the Firecrew w/ Kasey the fire and life safety dog 9 p.m. – ShowTime Dance Company: Musical and Dance Review * All schedules subject to change.

2 | May 11, 2010

Ten finalists selected for Great American Songbook Competition IN), Gabriela Carrillo (Palatine, IL), Crofton Coleman Current in Westfield (Champaign, IL), Tyler Huckstep (Crawfordsville, The Michael Feinstein IN), Andrew Johnston (Bourbonnais, IL), Krystal Foundation last week announced Morris (Beavercreek, OH), Bethany Perkins (Brighton, the 10 finalists who will parMI), Madeline Raube (Glen Ellyn, IL), Jillian Slade ticipate in the 2010 Great (Dubuque, IA) and Annie Yokom (Naperville, IL). American Songbook Academy Johnson and Huckstep were finalists in the inaugural and Competition, the only competition last year. high school vocal academy and The competition will be held from June 2 through competition in the U.S. dediFeinstein 6, with the first-place winner receiving a trip to sing in cated solely to the music from New York City with five-time Grammy Award nomiBroadway, Hollywood musical theatre and the Tin Pan nee and world-renowned performer Michael Feinstein. Alley era of the early to mid-twentieth century. Feinstein is also one of the competition’s five judges. The 10 finalists are: Amanda Barnett (Rockport, 5132.17.MQ.Current(Wstfld)-05_Layout 1 5/5/10 9:09 AM Page 1

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Local election roundup Hamilton County Prosecutor – Republican D. Lee Buckingham: 54 percent David Wyser: 46 percent Hamilton County Sheriff – Republican Mark Bowen: 68 percent Scott Baldwin: 26 percent Ken Heiny: 6 percent

Ayers

Hamilton County Council District 4 – Republican Paul Ayers: 46 percent Ron Thomas: 29 percent Bob Smith: 25 percent Washington Township Trustee - Republican David Gill: 55 percent Jerry Rosenberger: 45 percent Washington Township Board – Republican Carl Steele: 34 percent Jim Carey: 33 percent Jim Peyton: 33 percent

COMMUNITY continues on page 5 Current in Westfield

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317.489.4444 Publisher – Brian Kelly brian@currentincarmel.com / 414.7879 General Manager – Steve Greenberg steve@currentincarmel.com / 847.5022 Content Editor – Bryan Unruh bryan@currentincarmel.com / 308.0124 Assignment Editor – Kevin Kane kkane@currentincarmel.com / 496-0020 Associate Editor – Terry Anker terry@currentincarmel.com Art Director – Zachary Ross zross@ss-times.com / 787-3291 Associate Artist – Lerin Morkal lerin@currentincarmel.com / 523.2956 Senior Reporter – Brandie Bohney bbthegrammarguru@gmail.com /260.750.4266

OUR VIEWS

It is our position that we must aggressively pursue the benefits enjoyed by the city of Carmel from its AA+ bond rating. After reviewing 28 other school districts and municipalities, Standard and Poor’s Rating Service recently raised that community’s rating from AA to AA+ (AAA being the highest score afforded). In essence, this grade is similar to an exemplary credit score – the higher the score, the better the credit risk and the lower the cost of credit. According to Standard and Poor’s Web site, “Credit ratings express an opinion about the stability of an issuer … a city government, to meet its financial obligations in full and on time.” Standard and Poor cited Carmel’s strong income levels, strong gross assessed values and low unemployment rate – much like our hometown. Carmel Mayor James Brainard and Carmel’s City Council and city department heads have maintained strong fiscal discipline through the current economic downturn, leaving the city in excellent financial condition. A good bond rating will save taxpayer dollars through lower interest rates. We urge our city leaders to aspire to meet and exceed this mark. Likewise, we urge leaders in Washington to protect the U.S. bond rating, in similar fashion, by exercising fiscal greater restraint.

Our position

Some confusion has been generated by an email blast made to scores of Hoosiers by political candidate Brose McVey touting remarks made in the “From the Backshop” column that appears near these editorials. Many viewed these remarks as an endorsement from the paper. To be clear, the views reflected in the “Backshop” are the personal views of Publisher Brian Kelly and General Manager Steve Greenberg. Current Publishing enjoys the support of an independent group of editorial board members, none of whom are employed by Current Publishing. These individuals represent various constituencies and differing points of view from across Hamilton County. For a variety of reasons, that board chose not to endorse any particular candidates in this election cycle. The editorial board appreciates the opinions of columnists, cartoonists and fellow citizens who chose to express their views through our community newspaper. However, none of those views represent an endorsement by anyone other than the person or persons making the recommendation. The editorial board meets twice monthly from 3:30-5:30 p.m., and, it is routinely interviewing potential additions to its ranks. If you would like to be considered for inclusion, please contact anyone associated with the paper for direction.

Advertising Sales Executive – Dennis O’Malia dennis@currentincarmel.com / 370.0749 Sales Executive – Lara Acton lara@currentincarmel.com / 409.1418 Indianapolis Sales Consultant – Kevin Messmer kevin@currentincarmel.com / 513.4359

Business Office Bookkeeper - Deb Vlasich deb@currentincarmel.com / 489.4444 The views of the columnists in Current In Westfield are their own and do not necessarily reflect the positions of this newspaper.

strange laws

CONSTITUTION CLOSEUP

Photo Illustration

Our nation has all sorts of arcane, nonsensical laws on the books. Each week, we’ll share one with you. In Delaware, it is illegal to whisper in church. Source: Weird Laws (iPhone application)

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Every week, we will print a portion of the U.S. Constitution, followed by a portion of the Indiana Constitution. We encourage you to benchmark government policies against these bedrock documents. Today: the U.S. Constitution.. Amendment 12 continued … The person having the greatest number of votes as Vice-President, shall be the Vice-President, if such number be a majority of the whole number of Electors appointed, and if no person have a majority, then from the two highest numbers on the list, the Senate shall choose the Vice-President; a quorum for the purpose shall consist of two-thirds of the

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whole number of Senators, and a majority of the whole number shall be necessary to a choice. But no person constitutionally ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of Vice-President of the United States. Amendment 13 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction. 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

May 11, 2010 | 3

Parents are teachers, too

From the backshop The Fed should be held accountable Does anyone truly believe the U.S. Senate is seriously considering financial reform? Is it just a formality, one from which our grimfaced representatives will emerge with a “Well, we tried” explanation? Our friends at American for Limited Government hit the nail on the head last week, calling for the Senate to comprehensively audit the Federal Reserve as part of the overall process. ALG also demanded prohibition on potential bailouts by the central bank. We know amendments sponsored by senators Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.), Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.), and David Vitter (R-La.) would do just that, although none appears to have much of a chance of passing. Despite the Fed’s role in contributing to the financial crisis, officials still lack the onions to corral it. Congress should not let go of this. If it does, in the end it will have abdicated its constitutional responsibility to ensure the fiscal health of the fiscal policies of our nation. That would be wholly shameful. ••• Heroism was in full swing last Wednesday, when a group of Carmel High School students participating in an outdoor session of advanced physical conditioning noticed

Brian Kelly & Steve Greenberg groundskeeper Rick Schoolcraft literally on fire after the lawnmower he was operating appeared to have seriously malfunctioned. Three male youths rushed to his aid, taking off their T-shirts and batting the flames until they were extinguished. Others ran back into the school in search of fire extinguishers, which, we were told, they could not immediately locate. Schoolcraft, whose condition was unknown at press time, still was hospitalized. This wonderful behavior by the students stands in stark contrast to those being investigated for the alleged bullying case in January. By the way, do you wonder, as we do, why the investigation of the basketball mess is taking so long? “No comment” is not a suitable explanation.

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ing that people not university trained to teach should be allowed to do so. They argued that special skills and talents imparted in the secondary schooling at the college level made certain folks prepared to teach and others, absent this training, not able to instruct the youngsters. Yet, we still work for hours at night to learn (and then teach) any number of academic subjects to our own children. When I ask who performs well in these technical subjects and then ask what those kids’ parents do for a living, there is a correlative. Math parents produce better math students. Is it genetic, or is it latenight instructional sessions? If parents are going to teach, shouldn’t we be teaching the parents? Ask your dinner companion for the volume of their wine glass in meters. Then call a tutor. Terry Anker is an associate editor of Current Publishing, LLC. You may e-mail him at terry@ currentincarmell.com.

It is troubling that American children routinely lead the world in almost all academic subjects until they reach the middle school level where they increasingly fall behind most first-world nations each year thereafter.

Sarah Evans Barker is wrong

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COMMENTARY By Terry Anker Even as a reasonably well-educated human, I feel increasingly ill prepared to be teaching material to my own children. The basics of math, science and reading for the lower school were manageable. However, we are now working on dividing square roots and a whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t really come up that much when working on a structured finance deal or writing a column for a newspaper. To be clear, this is not a commentary on teachers but how education is being delivered. It is troubling that American children routinely lead the world in almost all academic subjects until they reach the middle school level where they increasingly fall behind most first-world nations each year thereafter. Is the primary culprit that we parents lose our ability to teach around seventh grade? A debate raged earlier this year between a union representing some teachers claiming Indiana’s Superintendent of Public Instruction Tony Bennett was wrong minded in advocat-

COMMENTARY By Richard Harper The recent ruling by Judge Sarah Evans Barker forbidding the Greenwood High School graduating class to pray at the graduation ceremony is unconstitutional on two points. The U.S. Constitution and its amendments were written in plain English, not legalese. Anyone who can read and understand English can understand what our founders were saying when these documents were written. The first amendment to the U.S. Constitution reads as follows in its entirety: “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” Point No. 1: Congress has not passed any laws establishing religion, and neither have the good people of Greenwood, Ind. These kids praying wasn’t establishing any religion; it was an exercise of their freedom of religion. Point No. 2: Barker’s ruling tramples on these students’ freedom to exercise their religion and their freedom of speech. This country had prayer in schools for more than 200 years before the progressives decided it had to end.

Current in Westfield

Supporters of Barker’s edict will no doubt argue her ruling is established case law. This ruling as established case law is the result of leftwing extremists having been appointed to the federal bench for the last 50 years, where they have been making up laws when existing laws didn’t suit their purpose. It is time to stop passively accepting these madeup laws and actively participating in the selection of these judges. We as a society have to start scrutinizing candidates before they are appointed to those high posts. We can no longer afford to passively sit by and let politicians appoint people, without proper vetting, to these positions that have such a major impact on our society. Our politicians have repeatedly shown they cannot be trusted to do the people’s business without supervision. In order to stem the loss of freedom and retain our status as a free people, we must scrutinize everything these elected officials do. I urge everyone to obtain and read a copy of the Constitution. Keep it close and read it often.

Richard Harper is a twenty-year resident of Carmel and is president of Indianapolis Communications, Inc.

www.youarecurrent.com

My worst nightmare has come true

DISPATCHES

Commentary By Danielle Wilson Well, it finally happened. The emotional breakdown I’ve felt coming on for the last couple weeks took place in a Marsh parking lot just past three this afternoon. At least I made it out of the grocery store. I almost lost it at the checkout aisle when the cashier chastised me for trying to buy liquor on a Sunday. I cried solid for a good four minutes once I got to my car, then relapsed a short time later after reading a sappy e-mail from one of my brothers-in-law (No fair, SJ!). I do feel a lot better, though, and now have the peace of mind that comes with knowing I won’t go mental in front of my children or neighbors at the bus stop come Thursday. Why? Because this week marks the final few days my family will spend in our sweet little saltbox of nine years. We close on Friday and are moving in with my in-laws. Say what? Yes, you read correctly. We were unable to successfully purchase a new home, so my husband’s parents have graciously offered shelter at theirs. My second-worst real estate nightmare has come true (the worst being paying two mortgages) – we sold a home we loved when we didn’t need to, but couldn’t find another to replace it. Actually, we found four to replace it, but never obtained an accepted offer from any of them. One house denied us twice! But my husband and I both agree we will not settle on just some house. Until we fall in love with another property, we will sit tight at his parents’ house, get through the end of the school year and reevaluate our homelessness come summer. (We might also become alcoholics, but that’s another story.) Hence the waterworks today. I’m having to say good-bye to our first home and all its wonderful memories without the anticipation and motivation of moving to the house of my dreams. I’m having

» Corrections – In the May 4 issue of Current in Carmel, candidates for various districts in the Indiana House of Representatives were inaccurately listed as candidates for State Senate. Additionally, a profile on Mudbugs Cajun Cafe published April 27 stated the restaurant is closed Saturdays. It is open from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. every Saturday. We apologize for any confusion resulting from our mistakes. » New month, new cause – For the month of May, Ameriana Bank in Westfield will be a collection site for donated medical supplies for the Westfield’s free clinic, Heart and Soul. Nearly all household first-aid supplies are on the clinic's wish list. » Antique auction – A single-owner collection of antiques will yield about 900 lots of Americana at Dan Ripley's Antique Helper during an auction May 15 in Indianapolis. The auction begins at 9 a.m. at Antique Helper, 2764 East 55th Place, Indianapolis. For more information, visit www.AntiqueHelper.com. » Historical Society fundraiser – On May 12, the Westfield Washington Historical Society and Museum is holding a special event tilted “An Evening with James Whitcomb Riley” as part of its annual fundraising campaign. The event will take place 6-9 p.m. at the Palomino Ballroom. Visit www.whs.us for details.

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Danielle Wilson is a Carmel resident and contributing columnist. You may e-mail her at danielle@currentincarmel. com.

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to pack up nine years worth of toys, clothes, appliances, plants and furniture without the fun of decorating a new place. I’m having to forward my mail but not permanently change my address. I’m prepping my kids for a possible change of schools, but am not able to excite them about a new one. I’m entering real estate limbo without any idea of what will happen to the economy, interest rates or home prices. Is it any wonder that I’ve lost five pounds in the last couple of months while cutting back on workouts and doubling my Little Debbie intake? I keep telling myself that it will all work out in the end, and that someday, we’ll look back on this experience and laugh. But right now, the whole situation blows. My husband and I feel like bad parents for putting our kids through this and incompetent adults for having to move in with Grams and Pops. This was not our plan way back in January! The only positive thing I suppose is that we hopefully will be able to save a little cash, as the rent at the in-laws is exceptionally cheap. I may be deluding myself, but I also hope my family will benefit from spending such quality time with the grandparents. It takes a village, right? I’ll keep you updated on our homeless status, but it should be interesting for the next few months. And if you happen to stumble across me, teary-eyed and sucking my thumb in canned foods, please don’t call security. Just say a quick prayer for my sanity and walk away. Peace out.

Concerts

Thursday, May 13 Thursday Mark Tison

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February 18th

10:30am, 2:00pm & 7:00pm 10:30 am and 2:00 pm concerts will be held at Lambert’s Lowrey Organ Center in Featuring Concert Artistwill be Noblesville, 573 Lowrey Westfield Rd. 7:00pm concert held at Lambert’s Music Center, 1325 Meridian St. Stop by the Noblesville location to pick up your complimentary tickets.

FREE CONCERT

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Wednesday, May 19 1:30 p.m. Featuring Lowrey Organ Co. Artist Phone: 317-773-2002 Fax: 317-773-7009 Seth Rye Dinner: 6:00pm $15 per person Dinner and a FREE concert at Harbour Trees Free and Give-a-Ways Golf Prices Club. Reservations can be made at Noblesville and Anderson Refreshments will belocations served. and must be made by May 14.

Phone: 317-773-2002 Current in Westfield

Fax: 317-773-7009 May 11, 2010 | 5

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Mark Bowen celebrated winning the race for Hamilton County Sheriff in last Tuesday's primary elections. He celebrated with friends, family and supporters at Wolfie's Waterfront Grill in Noblesville. 1. Bowen poses for a picture with the entire Bowen family 2. Bowen receives a standing ovation as he first enters the restaurant Tuesday night 3. Bowen with wife Jackie 4. Westfield Mayor Andy Cook (right) congratulates Bowen on his victory

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Current in Westfield

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New executive director looks to expand HCLA By Aaron Cummins Current in Westfield A few weeks on the job, Westfield resident Jill Doyle is settling in as the new executive director of the Hamilton County Leadership Academy (HCLA) but has goals of Doyle growing the program in the future. Doyle replaced Kristi Williams, who served as the HCLA executive director for seven years. She created a community leadership program in 1999 and has been interested in them ever since. Though she did not participate in the HCLA herself, Doyle said she is aware of its prestigious reputation. “I was drawn to HCLA because it embodies many things that I am passionate about – leadership development, community service and community development,” she said. Doyle was selected as the new Executive Director for the HCLA due to her experience with 13 years as an associate manager with the Indiana CPA Society. The HCLA is a leadership development program that identifies and prepares informed lead-

ers for their respective communities. Program participants are brought together by their commitment to and history of serving their communities. As its name suggests, the program prepares its participants to become Hamilton County’s next leaders, teaching them exactly how they can make a difference and bring about change. “It really provides a great leadership development program for all types of careers as it develops strong leaders for our community,” Doyle said. Since its beginning in 1991, the HCLA has produced numerous graduates who have successfully served the community, including candidates found on last Tuesday’s ballots. As the HCLA continues to expand, one of Doyle’s main goals is to create a strong alumni support group and increase the program’s awareness. “Many people have been through our program in Hamilton County and we need to bring those people back together more often to network and promote the program,” she said. The HCLA is currently taking applications for its 2010-2011 class. The application can be found online at www.hcla.net or by calling the HCLA at 774-7754. Applications are due by June 30 and there is an informational breakfast at Bridgewater Country Club May 13.

There are plenty of reasons to celebrate Westfield COMMENTARY By Robin Chaddock Our community is growing. You’ve probably noticed that. Our downtown is taking shape to be a true contender as a destination in the Eight Great Cities in Hamilton County. It’s really quite exciting. It seems to me that one of the backbones of community growth is shared celebration. And as Westfield grows, so will our opportunities to celebrate together as a city, a really big and diverse neighborhood, a family. At the heart of every celebration, there seems to be a group of people dedicated to the reason for celebration, dedicated to finding the right avenues to help people celebrate, dedicated to making the big party as much fun and as interesting as it can be for all of the celebration attendees. And quite often, that group is volunteers. Celebrations come in all sizes and for all reasons. One celebration I recently witnessed was a women’s tea at one of our local churches. It was nothing short of absolutely delightful. A dedicated group of women – all of them volunteers – put together food, party favors, a fund-raising effort for an upcoming benefit, a speaker, decorations, and music. All just because they care about each other and

OPEN HOUSE

the community and want to see positive growth for everyone involved. A really big celebration is coming up for our city. It’s called Westfield Rocks the Fourth. This year, the Downtown Westfield Neighborhood Association is partnering with the city of Westfield to bring all of us a battle of the bands, a car show, state of the arts fireworks, a bike event to benefit cancer, fabulous food, a kids’ center and other special elements for the day. They need volunteers to make this all come true. One of the best reasons to volunteer is that you are put right in the center of the celebration. You can celebrate with a team while it plans. You get to celebrate as everything comes together. You get to be in the midst of the excitement as the celebration is happening. Then you get to celebrate with the team when it all goes as planned – probably even better! Look for ways you can get involved. There are plenty of reasons to celebrate here in Westfield! Robin Chaddock is a freelance author, speaker and life coach in Westfield. She welcomes comments and can be reached at RobinCoaches@aol.com.

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The Indiana Department of Transportation (INDOT) is hosting an open house to present updated design and construction plans for the 13-mile US 31 corridor upgrade through Hamilton County. When: Tuesday, May 25 4:30– 8 p.m. Presentation at 6 p.m.

Where: Carmel High School Freshman Cafeteria (Enter through door 13) 520 E. Main St. Carmel, IN 46032

For more information, visit www.us31hamiltoncounty.in.gov. 5 Minutes East of

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Current in Westfield

May 11, 2010 | 7

Grand Junction Derby ramps up for its second outing Commentary By Ken Kingshill It’s not too early to start thinking about your derby car for this year. Yep, it’s hard to believe, but in August we’ll be coming up on the Second Annual Grand Junction Derby in downtown Westfield. By all accounts, the inaugural derby last year was a grand success. Unfortunately, I was out of town, so I wasn’t able to report firsthand the events that transpired that day. However, fairly reliable sources have informed me that fun was had by all. Like a perfect portion of dessert, it left you wanting more. As I understand them, the rules are pretty simple. Any person or group may enter a car for $20. The car must run using only gravity and human power. The car must use at least four wheels touching the ground. There must be a brake. (That one was added after last year’s experience, apparently.) The car must fit within an 8 x 8 x 8 foot box. The car must have at least one driver. The first hundred yards of the course is a gradual downhill, and the second hundred yards is an equally gradual uphill. This necessitates additional crewmembers waiting for the car at the

bottom of the hill to push it up the remaining distance to the finish line. Above all else, contestants must have fun. Cars are judged in two categories. The classic category is based on speed. The winner of the most heats wins. The funky category is based purely on aesthetics. The winner will be the car most appealing to the subjective eye of the judge or judges. Bear in mind that the fastest cars last year were either actual soapbox derby cars or modeled after that classic design. However, the cars that got the most photos of their drivers and crewmembers printed in the newspaper were the funky ones. So put on your creative thinking caps and come up with a great design for a car to enter in this year’s Grand Junction Derby. It’s sure to be even more memorable than last year. Stay tuned for more information as to exact dates and times.

Comedian • Songwriter • Poet

Heywood

Banks

May 21 - May 22, 2010 Tickets: $20 8PM & 10:15PM

City Councilor Ken Kingshill is a Westfield resident and Realtor. You may e-mail him at kkingshill@ westfield.in.gov.

www.mortyscomedy.com | 3625 E. 96th Street, Indianapolis, IN 46240 | 317.848.5500

8 | May 11, 2010

Current in Westfield

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new nest

Westfield residents Liz and Chris Hatton bring wild birds to their home and back to health

By Brandie Bohney Current in Westfield For Westfield residents Liz and Chris Hatton, rescuing birds has become a way of life. It started a few years ago with an unintentional venture into crime when Liz, on a trip to Amish country, rescued a baby bird and took it to her home. She and Chris looked up information about rehabilitating baby birds for release into the wild, followed the instructions, and released the bird several weeks later. “I discovered soon after that that what we had done was illegal,” Liz said. “So I got in touch with a rehabber and got put on her permit and then eventually got my own state and federal permits.”

» Never too many

That was the beginning of For the Birds of Indiana, the not-for-profit bird rescue Liz and Chris now operate in Westfield. A trip down the winding gravel drive to the Hattons’ home ends not only at their house, but at an assortment of outdoor cages for recovering birds. The facilities are what matter, Liz said, as all areas in which wild birds are contained must meet strict federal guidelines for bird rehabilitation. Recently, those facilities have housed several great-horned owls (one of which serves as a foster parent to incoming baby owls), three red-tailed hawks, a turkey vulture, a variety of songbirds, some baby hummingbirds, and a crow that serves as a foster parent. They also keep Beaky Billington, a red screech owl with a broken beak, as an ambassador for bird rescue and rehabilitation. “(Beaky) isn’t able to hunt, obviously, but he can eat quite well. And he can fly, so he was an excellent subject for education, because we can’t release him,” Liz said. “He’s very good.” The rehabilitation process is very time consuming, Chris said, and there aren’t

Chris Hatton said he and Liz rehabilitate around 750 birds each year including up to 50 different species. All of this is done at their home in Westfield.

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» Want to learn more?

Visit For the Birds of Indiana online at home.mindspring.com/~chris.hatton.

Photos by CW Photography

The Hattons said many people are interested in rehabilitating birds but don't realize the time, money and vast knowledge required to do it.

many people in Indiana with permits for raptors – the hawks and owls. For that reason, the number of calls the Hattons get, especially in the spring and summer, can be staggering. One day two weeks ago, the couple received three calls in just 90 minutes, and many calls come in the middle of the night Liz said Chris had made several trips to pick up birds in the middle of the night in the past, sometimes not returning until the wee hours of the morning. The couple’s passion for birds makes the time commitments worthwhile, but it takes more than just an interest in wildlife to do what the Hattons do. Liz said that many people want to help birds and other animals but are put off by the time and energy their care requires. “People are busier these days,” she said. “They can’t afford it or don’t have the time … When people think, ‘Oh, I’d love to do that,’ they don’t realize how much time and effort is involved – and money.” Bird rehabilitation also requires a high level of expertise, and the Hattons have become

Current in Westfield

nothing short of experts on the subject. Chris said around 750 birds are rehabbed each year, representing 45 to 50 different species. Different types of birds require different, very specific diets and care, and with so much experience, the Hattons really know what they’re doing. But despite the time and money the couple invests each year into helping these animals, the two said they cannot imagine their lives without their mission for birds, and it’s definitely how they will continue to spend their time. “It beats going to a country club or playing golf,” Chris said.

Help wanted Liz and Chris are always looking for more helping hands from people willing to volunteer their time for the sake of saving wildlife. If you are interested in learning how to rehab birds or helping the Hattons in any way, contact them at 877-1187 or chris.hatton@mindspring.com.

May 11, 2010 | 9

DISPATCHES

» Roses are red – Want roses in your garden? Keep them healthy with these tips. • Plant roses where they will receive a minimum of 5 to 6 hours of full sun per day. • Diligently water your roses. Soak the entire root zone at least twice a week in dry summer weather. Avoid frequent shallow sprinklings. • Feed your roses; they have big appetites. Once a month between April and July, apply a balanced granular fertilizer (5-10-5 or 5-10-10). - www.almanac.com » Super smoothie – If you’re looking for a super healthy, super sweet breakfast in just a few minutes, try a raspberry-avocado smoothie. Puree an peeled and pitted avocado with ¾ cups each orange and raspberry juices and ½ cup of frozen raspberries (do not thaw the raspberries). - www.delish.com

» Finding a real eco-lodge – Not all nature tourism is ecotourism. Many lodges only claim to be "green." A sincere lodge will provide evidence. Kapawi Ecolodge & Reserve in the Ecuadorian Amazon, for example, supplies a booklet that describes its conservation practices and the local organizations it works with – and includes contact information for verification. - www.concierge.com

10 | May 11, 2010

Months of hard work to pay off this weekend for local dancer By Kevin Kane Current in Westfield Central Indiana Dance Ensemble will present its latest production, “The Sleeping Beauty” at Westfield High School this weekend, culminating months, even years of hard work for some of the area’s young performers. One such performer is Carmel’s Michelle Vlasich, playing Little Red Riding Hood in the production. The sophomore at Carmel High School has been dancing since she was six years old and involved with Central Indiana Dance Ensemble since 2004. She, like many of the performers in “The Sleeping Beauty,” has been treating the upcoming ballet production like an after-school job since the beginning of this year. Vlasich said a typical week involves practicing about 15 hours over five or six days, and though she loves dance, she added that preparing for the show leaves little time for anything else. “It’s definitely really hard since I go straight

the sleeping beauty Presented by the Central Indiana Dance Ensemble Performances are Saturday at 7:30 p.m. and Sunday at 2 p.m. at the Westfield High School Auditorium. For more details visit www.cidedance.org.

from school to practice and get home at 8 or 9 o’clock,” she said. “I’m tired and just want to go to bed but I know I have to finish my homework.” Balancing dance and school is so difficult, in fact, that Vlasich said Dance Ensemble dancers are required to sign a contract each year stating that they will be able to maintain their grades despite the significant time commitment outside of school. Acceptable grade levels are determined by each dancer’s parents, and Vlasich said, for her, that means maintaining a B average or better. With so much time invested in dance and school, however, Vlasich said making time for friends isn’t easy, either, but she said her friends are understanding. “They know that this is what I love and what I want to do,” she said. But despite all of the difficulties in preparing for “Sleeping Beauty,” one of the Dance Ensemble’s main productions this year, Vlasich said getting on stage this weekend will make it all worthwhile. “I love just getting on stage and the adrenaline that you feel when everyone’s watching you waiting what you can do,” she said.

Submitted Photo

Central Indiana Dance Ensemble will present one of its main productions for this year, "The Sleeping Beauty," May 16 and 17 at Westfield High School. After months of practice, Carmel's Michelle Vlasich will play the part of Little Red Riding Hood in the production.

PICK OF THE WEEK

The Carmel Arts Council’s 10th Anniversary English Silver Tea

When: Sunday, May 13 from 2 to 5:30 p.m. Where: The Ritz Charles, Carmel Cost: $20 per person Info: www.carmelartscouncil.org Details: Join the Carmel Arts Council for its 10th Anniversary English Silver Tea, themed “An Elegant Afternoon.” The event will feature prize drawings, silent auctions and antique English Silver. For the first time in the event’s history, the four recipients of $1,500 arts scholarships provided by the council will be introduced to those in attendance.

NOBLESVILLE'S FINEST BUTCHERING AND CATERING BUSINESS Martin Jay's Butcher Shop will smoke, deep fry, grill or cook any food item stocked for breakfast, lunch and dinner and we will have it ready at our drive thru on your way home. We make deliveries of either fresh or prepared foods to your home, business or special occasion.

15%

off on a minimum of

$25.00

purchase Expires 6/30/2010

17647 Little Chicago Road | Noblesville | (317) 867-0088 We're located at the corner of Highway 32 and Little Chicago/Hazel Dell Road right between Noblesville and Westfield on Highway 32 by the Speedway gas station. Monday - Friday 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. Saturday - Sunday 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.

Current in Westfield

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COMMENTARY By Chef Michael Vlasich Some of us enjoy a little zip in life. And as we age, our taste buds desensitize, becoming immune to milder flavors. Our bodies and hormones change, which may create new cravings for food varieties we hadn’t previously preferred. We often hit middle age and find ourselves eating more acidic, salty or spicy foods. The most drastic of these are spicy chills, peppers and sauces. As younger adults, we may not have always enjoyed this flavor sensation, but as we age, we turn up the heat more and more. Traditionally, spicy pepper refers to black pepper, and chili pepper refers to a fruit variety belonging to the tomato family. Peppercorns have been

summertime pepper recipe

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What do you like to eat there? I really like their queso dip. What do you like about the atmosphere, environment? I’m always drawn to their back wall, the huge painting. It’s different. Some of it’s all fancy dresses and then they have the skulls. It’s something to look at. 14480 Lowes Way, Carmel 815-8175 www.abuelos.com

ly k S i l dariN ia d eC SP

Type of food: Authentic Indian cuisine Average price ranges: $8.9514.95 per entrée Specialty menu items: Buffet of authentic Indian dishes such as chicken tikka marsala and Tandoori chicken. Catering services are also available. Dress: Casual Reservations: No

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Smoking: Not permitted Hours: Lunch: Monday through Sunday, 11:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Dinner: Monday through Thursday, 5 to 9:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday, 5 to 10 p.m. Sunday, 5 to 9:30 p.m. Address:12510 North Meridian Street Phone: 580-0828

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W/ Your choice of 3 toppings Breadstikcs & a 2 ltr

$17.99

Exp. 04.30.10 • Must Present Coupon

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867.4992

6’’ Sandwhich

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Ingredients: • Finely grated zest of 1 orange • Finely grated zest of 1 lime • 1/2 cup(s) sugar • 2 1/2 cup(s) cranberry juice

Server at Bub’s Burgers & Ice Cream Where do you like to eat? Abuelo’s

CRANBERRY COCKTAIL MIXER

Directions 1. Bring zests, sugar, and 1/2 cup water to a boil, stirring. Reduce heat; stir until sugar has dissolved. Let cool. Put juice into a large container; stir in zest mixture. Refrigerate, covered, 1 hour or overnight. Strain; pour into an airtight bottle. Mixer can be refrigerated up to 1 week.

amber indian restaurant

S c 25iNGSday W uN S

Cocktail

Chef Michael R. Vlasich, CEC, AAC, is a Carmel resident and the executive chef at the Indianapolis Marriott Downtown. You may e-mail him at chefmichael@ currentincarmel.com

B.J. Bovin

N O

Ingredients: • 4 each 6 oz. sea bass filets • 1/3 each sweet onion minced • 1/2 each yellow bell pepper small dice • 1/2 each papaya small diced • 1/2 each Anaheim pepper roasted, peeled, and small diced • 1 medium tomato seeded, small diced • 1/2 tsp. minced garlic • 1 jalapeno pepper roasted, peeled, and minced • 1/2 lemon juiced • 1 tsp. fresh parsley chopped Directions: Mix all ingredients except the sea bass in a bowl; refrigerate at least four hours. Lightly oil the sea bass and grill over a medium-hot fire until done. Place relish over the fish and serve.

famous throughout history. They have been so treasured they were used as currency in many civilizations. While the chili pepper has not been so profiled, its does have its own spice rating system called the Scoville Scale. The major misconception is that the seeds are a pepper’s main source of heat but, it is actually the white membrane that holds the seeds and the chemical compound capsaicin. This compound stimulates chemoreceptor nerve endings in the skin, especially the mucous membranes found around the lips and in the mouth. Capsaicin levels are measured in SHU’s (Scoville Heat Units) and vary from one chili pepper variety to another. Capsaicin as a solo ingredient is not water soluble. It is soluble in fat and alcohol, so drinking water won’t sooth the burn. Drink milk and beer and eat ice cream or guacamole; they work well if you need an edible extinguisher. The following are some examples of better-known peppers and their ratings for spice according to the scale in SHU’s. Green bell peppers: 0 Anaheim pepper: 1,500 Jalapeno pepper: 4,500 Cayenne pepper: 35,000 Tabasco pepper: 50,000 Habanero pepper: 300,000 Included is a quick-and-easy summertime entrée you can make ahead of time to please your guests using some different peppers.

RESTaurant

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Add a little spice to your life

Where I Dine

of Your Choice w/ Chips & Drink

$5.99

Exp. 04.30.10 • Must Present Coupon

reGGie’S MOtOrWOrkS PreSeNtS”friday NiGht CruiSe-iN” (at ParkStreet) StartiNG aPril 9, 6-9PM. every friday, all SuMMer lONG! (Weather PerMittiNG)

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ROASTED PORK WITH BRUSSELS SPROUTS AND APRICOTS Ingredients: • 2 tbsp. olive oil • 1 pork tenderloin (1 1/4 lb.) • Kosher salt and black pepper • 12 oz. Brussels sprouts, thinly sliced • 1/4 cup dried apricots, chopped • 2 tbsp. roasted unsalted almonds, chopped Directions: Heat oven to 400º F. Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a large oven-proof skillet over mediumhigh heat. Season the pork with 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper and cook, turning occasionally, until browned, 6-8 minutes. Transfer the skillet to oven and roast until the pork is cooked through, 10 to 12 minutes. Let rest before slicing. Meanwhile, heat the remaining tablespoon of oil in a second large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the Brussels sprouts, apricots, almonds, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper and cook, tossing, until the Brussels sprouts are just tender, 3 to 4 minutes. Serve with the pork. In-Kind Sponsors The Cabaret at The Columbia Club Printing Partners

Media Sponsors Current in Carmel Fox 59

Friday, Michael and Friends: A Fundraising Dinner and Cabaret

June 4, 6:00 pm

Benefitting the Michael Feinstein Foundation Enjoy cocktails, dinner and performances by Michael and the 2010 Great American Songbook High School Academy & Competition judges (Sylvia McNair, Catherine Russell, Susan Powell and Rick Walters) in a cabaret setting at the Columbia Club.

6:00 P.M. VIP Cocktail Reception 7:00 P.m. Dinner 8:00 P.M. Performance: Michael and Friends The Cabaret at the Columbia Club 121 Monument Circle, downtown Indianapolis

Tickets: $250 per person VIP Cocktail Reception, Dinner and Performance $150 Dinner and Performance Available Now: www.MichaelAndFriendsJune4.eventbrite.com or Call 317.985.5523

For more information: www.MichaelFeinsteinFoundation.org or Call 317.985.5523

12 | May 11, 2010

Current in Westfield

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Current in Westfield

May 11, 2010 | 13

THEATRE ‘Always…Patsy Cline’

The life, friendships and music of legendary country singer Patsy Cline are celebrated as Beef & Boards Dinner Theatre presents a new show to its stage this season. “Always… Patsy Cline” is playing at Beef & Boards now through June 6. For ticket information, call 872-9664.

A Flea in Her Ear

Next on stage at Indianapolis Civic Theatre is the French farce “A Flea in Her Ear” by Georges Feydeau, presented now through May 23. The play is directed by Artistic Director Robert Sorbera. Tickets are $21 on Thursdays and $28 Fridays through Sundays. For tickets and more information, visit www.civictheatre.org.

THEATRE Comedy at Morty’s

May 13 through 16 – Headliner: Shang. Tickets are $10 per show. Performances are at 8 p.m. Thursday through Sunday with a second show at 10:15 p.m. Friday and Saturday. May 21 and 22 – Headliner: Heywood Banks. Tickets are $20 per show. Performances are at 8 and 10:15 p.m. both days. Tickets can be purchased in advance at www.mortyscomedy.com.

LIVE MUSIC Mickey’s Irish Pub

The following musical acts will be playing live at Mickey¹s Irish Pub, 13644 N. Meridian St., Carmel. For more information, call 573-9746: May 14 – The Good Seed May 15 – Twisted Gold May 21 – Endless Summer May 22 – Why Stop Now

PERFORMANCE Dinner and concert

Come see the musical artistry of Seth Rye, organist and comedian, during an evening of food, music and fun, May 19, 6 p.m. at Harbour Trees Golf Club in Noblesville. The meal is $15 per person (including tax and gratuity) but the concert is free. Call 877-3612 today to make a reservation.

Choir concert

Mo’s Irish Pub

The following musical acts will be playing live at Mo’s Irish Pub, 13193 Levinson Lane in the Hamilton Town Center, Noblesville. For more information, call (317) 770-9020. May 13 – Cari Ray May 14 –Greta Speaks May 15 – Through Being Cool May 20 – T-Splurge May 21 – Lemon Wheel

Verizon Wireless Music Center

The following musical acts will be playing live at Verizon Wireless Music Center, 12880 E. 146th St., Noblesville. Tickets are available at the venue box office, all Ticketmaster locations, charge by phone at (800) 745-3000 or www.LiveNation.com. May 15 – Jimmy Buffett and the Coral Reefer Band, 8 p.m., $36.50, $136.50. May 22 – Nickelback, Shinedown, Breaking Benjamin & Sick Puppies, 6:30 p.m., $35, $69.50, $89.50.

The Indianapolis Brass Choir will be joined by the East 91st Street Sanctuary Choir and Wayne Lundberg, organist of the 102-rank Schantz, May 16, 4 p.m. at the East 91st Street Christian Church, 6049 East 91st Street, Indianapolis. For more information, visit www. east91st.org/content/musicworkship.php.

‘Pure Prine’

The Phoenix Theatre of Indianapolis announced the World Premiere of “Pure Prine: The Music of John Prine.” This musical presentation will be on the Phoenix Mainstage May 13, 14, 15 and 16. Tickets for all performances are $20. Show times are Thursdays at 7 pm; Fridays at 8 p.m., Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 2 p.m. Visit www.phoenixtheatre.org for details.

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If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you may be experiencing a thyroid condition. Located in the neck, right below the voice box, the thyroid is a gland that governs the body’s metabolism. The Midwest institute for robotic surgery is offering

Dan Runge Phone: 506-2651 Email: drunge@fpfc.net

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Free Thyroid Ultrasound Screening exams from 5:30 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. on:

Wednesday, May 19th Wednesday, June 16th Please call 317.926.1056 between 8:00 a.m.–5:00 p.m. Monday through Friday to schedule your free Thyroid Ultrasound exam.

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12188A North Meridian Street, Suite 375, Carmel, IN  46032      Stephen Freeman, M.D.            Tod Huntley, M.D.                   Scott Phillips, M.D.    Richard Borrowdale, M.D.         Edward Krowiak, M.D.           Vicki Shelton, M.D.  14 | May 11, 2010

Current in Westfield

www.youarecurrent.com

DISPATCHES » Boost libido with baby powder – Smelling baby powder, along with cucumber and licorice, has been shown to turn women on, increasing vaginal blood flow by 13 percent. Pumpkin pie and lavender increase blood flow by 11 percent. Try softening your skin with some baby powder after showering. Or to cap a romantic dinner, serve pumpkin pie and keep a cucumber-scented sachet next to your pillow. - www.prevention.com » Slashing the salt of soy sauce – Calories aren’t the issue with soy sauce (almost all brands hover around 10 calories per tablespoon); it’s sodium. La Choy is the worst of the big brands, packing more salt into a single ounce than you’d find in six small bags of Lay’s potato chips. Slash that in half with Kikkoman Less Sodium Soy Sauce. - health.msn.com » Thicker hair by diet – An unbalanced diet can weaken hair follicles because your body is not getting the appropriate volume of vitamins, minerals and nutrients. Make sure your diet includes vegetables, fish, and white meat to strengthen and promote growth of your hair follicles. Also eat foods containing iron, vitamin B3 (niacin), potassium, and inositol, all important to healthy hair growth. - www.menshealth.com » Trail mix for energy – Raisins provide potassium, which your body uses to convert sugar into energy. Nuts stock your body with magnesium, which is important in metabolism, nerve function, and muscle function. When magnesium levels are low, your body produces more lactic acid – the same fatigue-inducing substance you feel at the end of a long workout. - health.msn.com

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Facial redness an ailment with many solutions COMMENTARY By Dr. Jodie Harper and Dr. Angela Corea Facial redness is a very common cosmetic concern. On a basic level, redness or flushing is a result of a collection of dilated, superficial vessels (telangectasias). Many times, the disease process is more advanced and these vessels are always apparent and very obvious, even without triggers. Causes of facial redness are abundant, but the most common causes are photo damage (sun damage), rosacea, heredity and trauma. Photo damage is described as damage caused by the effects of the sun, specifically ultraviolet rays/radiation, which have long term negative effects on the skin. A physical exam may reveal sun spots (lentigenes), bronzed skin, wrinkles, precancerous/cancerous lesions, and many times these obvious vessels. Rosacea is a very common disorder with flushed-appearing areas of the face, classically, symmetrically on the cheeks, nose, forehead and chin. Other conditions can also cause a similar rash. Patients usually have a long history of periodic flushing and are most concerned with the cosmetic ramifications. The underlying disease should be appropriately addressed for possible treatment and prevention. For most of these unwanted superficial

vessels, however, laser treatments in addition to sun avoidance can help tremendously. IPL (Intense Pulsed Light) is practically a household name for treating sun-damaged skin. IPL uses light physics technology to target both pigment and redness depending on the settings determined by a professional. Other lasers, like the NdYAG (commonly used for the treatment of leg veins), can also be used to address facial redness. These unnecessary superficial vessels absorb the laser’s light, and your body absorbs the vessel like it would a bruise. Many times, results are immediate. Other vascular lesions can also be addressed with lasers, including port wine stains, hemangiomas and venous malformations. Direct, intentional sun exposure should always be avoided, and a good physical sunscreen, containing zinc or titanium oxide, should be used daily. See your medical professional for more information! Dr. Jodie R. Harper is boardcertified in internal medicine, geriatrics and wound care. Dr. Angela Corea is board certified in internal medicine. They are the medical directors at ClarityMD. They can be reached at info@claritymd.com or 317-571-8900.

Sometimes breast implants save lives COMMENTARY By Dr. Barry Eppley Despite the recession, breast implants have not waned in popularity. But while they are unparalleled in their ability to instantly change one’s body, they also make news for other interesting and unfortunate reasons. Last week, a California woman was sentenced to six months in jail and required to pay monetary reimbursement for “stealing” breast implants in 2008. Under an assumed name, the woman used a credit line in someone else’s name to obtain $12,000 in plastic surgery, which included breast implants and liposuction. She pleaded guilty to burglary, grand theft and identity theft. How did she get caught, you may ask? Police tracked her down using the serial numbers from her old implants, which she had removed when the new ones were put in. You may also remember the murder of model Jasmine Fiore last August in California. The swimsuit model mysteriously disappeared and was later found dead and mutilated. With missing teeth and fingertips, she was initially unidentifiable. But later, she was identified by something her assailant could not see: the serial numbers on her breast implants. Most implantable medical devices have serial numbers for tracking purposes as an FDA re-

quirement. Usually, their benefit is for replacement and warranty reasons, but they also serve nicely as a human identification method more precise than fingerprints or dental records. On a happier note, it was reported that a silicone breast implant saved the life of a California woman. A woman working in a Beverly Hills dental office last July was struck by a bullet after one employee’s estranged husband entered the office and killed her with a handgun. Upon exiting, the gunman ran into another employee and shot her in the chest. Unlike her co-worker, she miraculously survived. According to the Los Angeles Times, one of her breast implants stopped the bullet and prevented any fragments from getting as far as her heart. While this is an appealing story, this scenario is not likely. More likely, her sternum or ribs were the reason the bullet was deterred. But the intervening breast implant is happy, no doubt, to take the credit.

Current in Westfield

Dr. Eppley is an Indianapolis board-certified plastic surgeon. Comments can be sent to info@ eppleyplasticsurgery.com

May 11, 2010 | 15

Summertime means time to think about shade COMMENTARY By Randy Sorrell Like many other maturing neighborhoods in Hamilton County, we have a plethora of shade tucked in the back corner of our property. Huge majestic maples and oaks are the usual culprits, and challenging planting conditions are the result. Most of us lean towards the safe solution of hosta, astilbe, ferns and boulders to create a place of interest. We introduced a handful of other favorites last article to add pizzazz (ligularia, monkshood, black snakeroot, hellebore, pachysandra, etc.) and suggested creating a wandering path through it for a little more intrigue. But if you want to be really brave, go native.

SHADE GARDENS GONE WILD

Sometimes going wild, or native, just makes sense. First, determine what sort of “woodland community,” or environment exists. Typical neighborhoods, which we will focus on, support either dry or mesic woodland where oak / hickory or beech / maples are respectively at home. How would you like a shady area resembling a maintained park where shady grasses and

Joel Harris, AAMS 317-507-1825

TERRY

QUESTION: What’s causing this profuse outbreak of maple tree seedlings dropping all over creation? ANSWER: Judd Scott, founder of Vine and Branch and registered consulting arborist, says that while many young wives tales exist, nothing of a scientific nature explains this irritation. “Heavy masting” seems to occur every 3-4 years. Remember last year’s crop of acorns?

Submitted photo

BETH

CHRISTIE

KIM

wood hyacinth. sedges thrive, wildflowers produce a four-season display and occasional flowering shrubs interrupt the mix? My favorite shady grasses are northern sea oats and bottlebrush. They both take the shade and have cool seed heads in the heat of summer. Wetter areas will love 3’+ silky wild rye or Virginia wild rye. Some carex grasses are even short enough to be employed as groundcover. For native forbs, or wildflowers, think about 2’-3’ tall spring flowering wild columbine, many forms of fall flowering aster (short’s, side flowering, blue wood) or false sunflower. If you really want to be provocative, add some true woodlands like trillium, wild ginger, bloodroot and

ALISSA

WOODLAND PATIO

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Five lessons from TV bad guys

DISPATCHES

COMMENTARY By David Cain Television bad guys are a strange bunch. They never seem to have their act together and always end up behind bars. Here are five businessmarketing lessons you could learn from those big-screen bad boys. 1. When the gun jams, don’t throw it away. Ever notice bad guys are always throwing away their guns? Whether it jams or is out of ammo, they often choose to toss it away » Naus retires from Somerset - Susan in anger. Seems to me it’s better to keep Naus retired from Somerset CPAs April the gun and get it to start working or find 30. She joined Somerset in 1989 as a staff more ammunition in lieu of haphazardly accountant and became a principal in tossing it aside. Are they expecting a better 1996, the firm’s first female principal. weapon to be lying around? As it relates “Susan has been a great asset to Somerset to marketing tactics, don’t throw away the and our clients and will be missed,” stated gun just because it jams or you use all the Somerset President Pat Early. ammo. Reload it, fix it, and improve it, but stay with it. » Eat up these restaurant stocks 2. Vengeance gets you sidetracked. Bad 1. Yum Brands (YUM) – Analysts are guys always get mad and let their desire looking for Yum to make a profit of for payback get in the way. Don’t let frus$2.40 per share in the current year. tration and personality conflict get in your 2. Morton's Restaurant Group way. You’ll only end up unfocused and, if (MRT) – The company expects to you are a television villain, it will get you make a profit of $.25 to $.30 per killed. Off-screen, it just makes you less share excluding items in 2010. successful. - www.moneycentral.msn.com 3. Practice your aim, and shoot less. A FREQUENT MOVIEGOERS flurry of gunfire and no one gets hurt; Sign up at www.gqti.com for the Frequent Moviegoer Clubbe watching the sloppy aim of I must » Subaru adds production plant – Subaru plans to add an additional production plant in Lafayette in response to high consumer demand. Sale of the Legacy and Outback models more than doubled in the first quarter, to 8,550 Legacy sedans and 19,275 Outback wagons. - www.ibj.com

an onscreen scoundrel. If you can’t hit anything, you aren’t going to get very far. You certainly won’t get away. Instead of blasting gunfire all over the place, take steady aim and shoot less for more reliable results. 4. Car chases end badly. Have you ever seen a real-life car chase? Me either. Seems like the bad guy always goes for the car and a chase ensues. Well, if the 56-inch flat screen has taught me anything, it’s that car chases never end well. They always seem to wrap up in a fiery ball with more gunfire and jammed guns. Here’s some advice: Stay out of the car and see No. 5 below. 5. Get a better plan. The evil crook never seems to have a plan. If they had a plan, they would know what to do and have contingencies if something didn’t go right. Don’t be a bad guy; make a plan, have a strategy, and stick to it. After all, you don’t want to be associated with those good-fornothing’s on the television – they never win.

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MONEY MATTERS What was your dream job as a teenager?

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COMMENTARY By Ryan Fuhrmann Gilead Sciences (GILD) is a fast-growing biotechnology firm with a dominant market share in treating the HIV virus. Its current financial and operational health can be matched by few competitors. The rub is approximately 80 percent of its revenue will be subject to patent expiration in seven or eight years. Still, the stock is worth a look. The upcoming generic competition onslaught explains the very low forward earnings multiple of 11 times. However, the company has a number of drug candidates in its pipeline, foremost of which is a new antiviral combination treatment that will be combined with a drug being developed by Johnson & Johnson.

The bottom line

Gilead ended the quarter with more than $3.3 billion in net cash, or after netting out long-term liabilities from cash on the balance sheet. This provides some dry powder should it wish to pursue acquisitions as another means to diversify into new drugs. The low P/E also leaves it vulnerable to a buyout, be it from partner J&J or another embattled pharma company, such as Bristol Myers, Eli Lilly or Forest Labs, both of which will soon see patent expirations of top-selling drugs. These possibilities leave plenty of potential upside for individual investors. Ryan C. Fuhrmann, CFA, is a financial writer and investment manager based in Carmel. He is long shares of Walgreen and Cardinal Health but has no positions in any other company mentioned above. Contact him at ryan@fuhrmanncapital.com or visit his website at www.RationalAnalyst.com.

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DISPATCHES » You gotta ask why – It was a little disheartening to see the old Polaroid instant film taken out of production. It marked the end of an era and showed that digital photography was really where everyone was going. However, the company has for some strange reason decided to bring it all back with the Polaroid 300. This $90 camera isn’t the most cost-effective, as you can pick up a cheap digital for that price. Then you’ll be paying $10 for a 10-pack of the stuff. That’s $1 for each crappy photo you take. Is there really a market for this? - www.ohgizmo.com » USB virus-free – Folks are always worrying about getting a virus on their removable storage nowadays, and that’s why designers came up with this U+ USB Hub concept. It’s a USB hub that offers an antivirus scanner as well, allowing you to scan your flash drives, ensuring the infection doesn’t spread. From the looks of it, you’ll need to keep it hooked up to a computer in order to perform scanning. - www.ubergizmo.com

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Printing from a smartphone: Possible, but not easy COMMENTARY By Gary Hubbard As the capabilities of today’s smartphones improve, the line between them and what we perceive as traditional computers continues to blur. While there are a number of ways to “potentially” print from smartphones, I’ll give you some low-tech alternatives that are generally much less complicated and more likely to work for the average person. Unless you are trying to print a photograph at the highest possible resolution, my first suggestion is to e-mail whatever you wanted to print (text or image) to a computer that is already attached and configured to print. This will avoid all the complications of getting your smartphone configured to print and will likely take less time than downloading, configuring and troubleshooting any of the solutions currently available. If e-mail isn’t an option, think about “cloud-based” solutions such as Google Docs (copy and paste) or photo-sharing sites (upload the photos) so that once again, a computer already configured to print can access your information and print it. If you really need to print from your smartphone on a regular basis, then what you need to print and what type of printer you have will make a big difference in the solution. If you have a wireless HP Photo printer and a Windows Mobile, Symbian or iPhone OS-based device, you can download HP’s iPrint Photo program, but don’t expect it to go as smoothly as the Web site might make it sound (http://bit.ly/aXYjkR). If you have an iPhone (or now an iPad), three apps that have been reviewed by Macworld might get the job done. Be warned,

Current in Westfield

however, that the site starts with this ominous sentence: “It may not be easy to print from your iPhone, iPod touch or iPad, but it can be done …” If you own a Windows Mobile device, you have a few options for printing from your smartphone as well. JetCet PRINT (http://bit.ly/apQ7we) is a fullfeatured program that works with a large number of printers from Canon, Epson, HP and Brother and sells for $9.95. Baachmann Software has a product called PrintBoy that works with Windows Mobile, Nokia, Palm OS or Sony Ericsson smartphones that ranges from $29 to $49 depending upon your platform. Another offering called ActivePrint is available for both Windows Mobile and iPhone/iPad users, but you can only print through a Windows-based computer (no current support to print through a Mac) via a special Desktop Installation program that must be running in order to print (http://www.activeprint.net). Having read dozens of pages of complaints from just about every solution available, my best advice would be to find another way to get what is on your smartphone to a printer. As elegant as it may sound to be able to print directly from your smartphone, nothing that I have looked into was easy to set up or keep running or as flexible as what most of us are used to when it comes to printing from our computers.

Gary Hubbard is the owner of Data Doctors Computer Services - www.datadoctors.com. Have a technology question? Send it to CurrentInCarmel@datadoctors.com

May 11, 2010 | 19

What’s worse? Bad grammar or severe back pain? COMMENTARY By Brandie Bohney Somehow in the midst of organizing my garage sale, I hurt my back. A week later, the pain became intolerable and I went to the doctor, only to find I have sciatica. Ouch. That led me to the shoe store for supportiveshoes. The shoe store led me to today’s column topic. How did I get a column topic out of shoe shopping, you ask? While at the store, another shopper told her friend she liked the shoes she tried on but was hoping for a pair that was “more dressier.” Double ouch. The problem here is overuse (or incorrect use) of comparatives. There are two ways to make an adjective comparative: add the suffix –er or preface the adjective with the comparative adverb more. You don’t do both. Just as a person can be more attractive but not attractiver, that person can certainly not be more attractiver. My back hurts just typing that. It’s the tension such poor grammar causes me. I think it’s possible some people get confused about using both comparative forms together, because sometimes it sounds correct to use either, so they just go ape-spit and use both. Take for example the more dressier example. Most people will probably agree that more dressy sounds nearly – if not entirely – as correct as dressier.

Most people would be wrong about that. The correct comparative form of dressy is dressier, not more dressy. I understand if you don’t hear the difference. But not hearing the difference is no excuse to go nuts and use both forms. It’s like filling in two bubbles on an SAT question: Even if you get one answer correct, you’re not getting credit for it. If you don’t know which comparative form to use, check a dictionary. If you absolutely cannot access a dictionary, take a guess. It’s better to use the wrong form than both forms. And honestly, you’re going to choose the correct form most of the time. Remember, though, that your comparisons have to be complete. I can’t just be more comfortable without a reference to what I am more comfortable than. My shoes can’t simply be more supportive. They have to be more supportive than my previous shoes or more supportive than going barefoot or more supportive than walking on a bed of nails. I’m feeling better already. Brandie Bohney is a grammar enthusiast and former English teacher. If you have a grammarrelated question, please email her at bbthegrammarguru@gmail.com.

Memo to parents from a child COMMENTARY By Becky Kapsalis A friend of mine recently shared a poem with me titled “Memo to Parents from a Child,” written by an unknown author. I feel it is worth paraphrasing and sharing with all of you – lest we forget what is on the minds of our children during their developmental years. • Please keep yourself fit and healthy. I need you! • Please be firm with me. I prefer it – it makes me feel secure. • Please help me from forming bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages so I don’t carry them into my adult years. • Please think about not correcting me in front of other people. I get embarrassed. Correct me in private when you need to. • Please understand that my fears are not silly. They are terribly real, and you can do a lot to reassure me if you try to understand. • Please give me consequences – not punishments. You’ll help me learn to be accountable for my behavior. • Please help me learn from my mistakes. It upsets my sense of values when you make

me feel my mistakes are sins. • When I say “I hate you,” please know that it isn’t you I hate but your power to suppress me. • Please be consistent. Your inconsistency completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you. • Please don’t spoil me. I know that I don’t need all that I ask for … I’m only testing you. • Please don’t think it’s beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you. • Please remember I’m not a puppet and I need to be developed with no strings attached – unless they are strings of roots and wings. • Finally, remember that I cannot thrive without lots of love and understanding. I promise I’ll give it right back. Hugs! Becky Kapsalis. aka YiaYia (pronounced Ya-Ya.) is a certified parenting advocate and child behavior coach. You may reach her at 317-848-7979 or e-mail becky@indyparenthelp.com

Please don’t think it’s beneath your dignity to apologize to me.

volunteer oF The week

Kevin Mendell was eager to put his creative talents to work as part of the CarmelFest committee. Since he is the co-owner of “Oogles &Googles” - offering kid’s themed parties and enrichment programs – the natural fit for Kevin was to become co-chair for the CarmelFest KidZone. Kevin and his wife, Danya, started “Oogles & Googles” nine years ago. The response to their “creative kid’s themed party” concept has been incredible and their company has grown in leaps and bounds. “Oogles & Googles” has a main office in Carmel, plus over 20 franchises in the U.S. and 3 internationally. Kevin admitted, “In my business, I deal with kids and families every day. Seeing smiles on kids’ faces really lights up my world!”

www.carmelfest.net

CarmelFest – “a riCh history oF Celebration” The little town of Bethlehem, Indiana, carved out of the frontier in 1837 by fur traders and a handful of settlers, was a far cry from the City of Carmel, today. There were no roundabouts or new buildings, only a small log cabin general store on a dirt path. When the townsfolk decided to build a post office, in 1846, they discovered that there was already an Indiana town called Bethlehem. So, the name was changed to Carmel. No doubt, they probably had a parade that year to celebrate their new beginnings. Throughout the early years, area residents and neighboring communities held social gatherings to proudly celebrate local and national holidays – especially Independence Day. Cake

Walks, Horse Shows, and colorful parades were the venues of that time. As the population grew, the 4th of July festivities in Carmel became more elaborate with parades and street fairs. In the late 1980’s, the name of the annual event officially became “CarmelFest”. It had such a positive impact on the community that two local residents - Wayne Wilson & Bob Land – received the Rangeline Pioneer Award, Carmel’s highest honor, for building CarmelFest into one of the best festivals in Indiana. Since then, CarmelFest has continued to grow. We don’t have horse shows or cake walks anymore. But, we have a fabulous parade, dazzling entertainment on three stages,

a local talent contest, creative activities for children, exhibits with ties to our historical past, stunning fireworks, creative and interactive displays …Oh! And lots of food to entice our over 50,000 attendees. We hope that the fur traders and early pioneers would be proud of Carmel’s evolution from a wilderness outpost to a modern community commemorating Independence Day in style! Today, CarmelFest is operated by the Rotary Club of Carmel and its core of business and community leaders. “Americana” is alive here in Carmel - celebrating our past, our present, and our hope for the future. For an event details, visit www.carmelfest.net.

spark BuTTONS

you can support the CarmelFest Fireworks Display by purchasing colorful Spark Buttons. Two types are available: the traditional Spark Buttons for $3 each and the new, light-up Spark Buttons for $6 each. Spark Buttons will be on sale in the Carmel Arts & Design District and at the Saturday Carmel Farmers’ Market. each Spark Button purchase automatically enters you in a drawing for cash prizes!

sChedule oF evenTS

CarmelFest 2010 will take place on Sunday, July 4, from Noon to 10:30 p.m. and on Monday, July 5, from Noon to 10 pm at Carmel Civic Square. Mark your calendars for the StVincent Heart Center CarmelFest Parade on Monday, July 5 at 10:30 am. Look to the skies on Monday evening at 9:45 pm for the Fireworks Spectacular, sponsored by Firestone. The fireworks display will be simulcast to music on B105.7.

SPONSOReD IN PAR T By

20 | May 11, 2010

Current in Westfield

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The value of a good book extends to decorating

DISPATCHES » The power of pinstripes – Women rate tall men as more sexually attractive than shorter guys, and tall men are more likely to find a mate. Proof: A British study of more than 10,000 people found that men 6 feet tall were more likely than average-height men (5'10") to be married and have children. So what do you do if you’re vertically challenged? Wear pinstripes.Vertical lines enhance your height, and it's easier than standing on your toes. - www.menshealth.com » Light up the pool – Even if your pool has lights, this floating lamp designed by Hector Serrano ($396) bobbing in it is a great touch. Lighting in the pool can create a soft romantic glow or add life to the party. Just turn it on and serve the cocktails. - www.designholeonline.com » Downsize your handbag – Spring means easy and breezy and that goes for everything including your handbags. Come spring, hide your mini carryalls along with your winter clothes and pick up a stylish compact shoulder bag. Not only will you be unencumbered, you will also notice the dull ache on your shoulders disappear. - www.intstyle.com

Commentary By Vicky Earley “I would be most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves.” - Anna Quindlen A library of books will serve to teach, illustrate, inspire and explain. Fortunate is the homeowner who has a rich library dedicated to the love of great literature. Wall upon wall of warm wood shelving with a library ladder is a rarified home feature. The reality is that old books can consume our space, volume by volume! When the stacks threaten to overtake your home, it is time to consider some new ideas for display. The ideal book for aesthetics is a beautiful leather-bound classic edition. The reality is most of the books on our shelves are novels read at the beach and outdated reference books. These books, if they have lived a full life, are prime candidates for decorating alteration! The simplest way to turn these literary outcasts into a decorative accent is to paint the hardback covers with several layers of ivory or deep brown paint and follow with a glaze. Exterior house paint is the best, because it is provides adhesion and is elastic. For a more contemporary twist, consider painting all the books an accent color such as lipstick red. The impact is greatest when all books are the same color, regardless of size. Linen and burlap make an interesting textural book cover. This is just a matter of cutting the fabric slightly larger than the book cover, spreading a light layer of craft glue on the cover, and then applying the fabric much like you would wallpaper. Use a ruler to work out any air bubbles, and glue the edges to the inside of

the cover. If glue shows, simply go over the fabric with a layer of brown-tinted glaze. Do you recall when book covers were made on the kitchen table rather than purchased at the office-supply store? Try that technique with brown Kraft paper or carefully selected decorative paper for yet another texture in your book shelves. You can tie several books together with twine for interest. If books in their original state are preferred, start the decorating process by removing the dust covers. I look for spines that are browns and blacks and arrange in like colors. Entire groupings, in which the books are displayed backwards with the pages showing, create a beautiful textural look that provides interest without interfering with other colors in a room. Books are a great way to raise accessory that may be too short as well as create some interest in a display. Stack three books on a side table to use as a raised display area. Set a lamp, sculpture or urn on the books. If your books are old friends and you can’t imagine altering them, consider that deep shelves of about 16” can hold two rows of books. Simply place one stack against the back wall of the cabinet, and another row along the front edge of the shelf. Use the front row for the smaller books so that you achieve a layered look. Remember that bookshelves flanking a fireplace are not the place for paperbacks! This is a focal point in the room, so a beautiful balance of quality books, art and accessories is ideal! Vicky Earley is the principal designer for Artichoke Designs in downtown Carmel. If you have an interior design question, please contact artichokedesigns@aol. com.

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your wedding ‘do

Valerie Carter “I love how hair defines a person; just a glance at anyone’s hairstyle is almost like a peek into their personality,” said Valerie. Valerie Carter came to Salon01 right after graduating from Honors Beauty College. She has continued improving her cutting and coloring techniques at Salon01, reaching a Level 2 status so far. Valerie excels in medium to short hair and also in many highlighting techniques. “I love how dimensional color looks in shorter haircuts.” While at Salon01 Valerie has been part of a lot of great projects. Her most current being a Bridal photo spread in the June issue of Indianapolis Bride. In addition, Valerie has been part of many Salon01 events, such as the Girls Night Out event, Go Red for Women luncheon, Cuts for a Cause. She has also taken many cutting, coloring, and styling classes since beginning at Salon 01. Valerie has many ideas on how to work with any type of hair texture. Call Salon01 at 317-580-0101 or book your appointment with Valerie today, or check us out online at www. salon01.com where you can find all of our stylist profiles.

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If you are anything like me, you are agonizing over how to wear your hair on your big day. After all, it is a very special day, and it is important to look and feel your best! Deciding on the perfect hairstyle requires some thought, so consider these tips when finalizing your ‘do plan. 1. Talk to your stylist. Several months before your big day, get professional tips on what to do to get (and keep) your hair in the best shape possible. If you are thinking about a drastic change in hair color or style, it is best to try it out many months before your wedding day. 2. Plan early. If you have short hair or bangs you would like to grow out, begin the process immediately. It takes short hair many months to reach shoulder length or longer, which is ideal for many up-do styles. 3. Consider your dress style. During the consultation with your stylist, make sure they understand the neckline and style of your dress. This will help decide which style might be best for you. Bring in a picture of your dress if you have one available. With careful consideration and open dialogue with a professional stylist, you will ensure that the end result will be one you love! You will gain joy looking back over your wedding photos for years to come.

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Across 1. Indy realtor Bif ___ 5. Type of Brown Co. cabin 8. Indiana neighbor 12. Ancient Greek marketplace 14. Continental currency 16. Take care of 17. Affiliation of the puzzle subject 19. Ocean motion 20. Smooth transition 21. Guerin Catholic HS subject 23. Doe’s mate 25. Q95’s Christi ___ 26. Half of Q95’s morning duo 29. Nose-in-the-air type 31. Kittle’s Furniture item 35. Make haste 36. Indiana Governor Bowen 38. ___ Ste. Marie 40. Position of person whose name is spelled out in the seven circles, starting at the top row, then moving down, row by row (2 wds.) 44. Ann Taylor Loft purchase 45. Bean curd at Whole Foods Market 46. Katz, Sapper & Miller emp. 47. Resell Clowes Hall concert tickets 49. WIBC: The News and ___ of Indiana 51. Former IU football coach, affectionately 52. Rainbow shape

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54. Sign of healing 56. Housing for a TV 60. Came up 63. Noblesville clothing store: ___ Ralph Lauren 64. Slogan of the puzzle subject (3 wds.) 67. Jared Thompson jazz group 68. Norse war god 69. Kona Jack’s greeting 70. Auth. unknown 71. Indianapolis International Airport abbr. 72. Good name for a Dalmatian Down 1. Indiana ___ Memorial 2. Matures, like a Grape Inspirations wine 3. Climb Time Indy gear 4. Eli Lilly and Co. products 5. Kona Jack’s necklace 6. “That hurt!” 7. Indiana Jones artifact: Holy ___ 8. Palindromic Clark County town 9. Successor 10. ___ 500 11. Poem of praise 13. Borders on 15. Commencement 18. Use for support (2 wds.) 22. Poke fun at 24. Bothered (2 wds.)

Build the words

26. Not that 27. Indiana State Fair barn sounds 28. Clarian North doc 30. Prejudiced person 32. ___ Louie 33. Meal at Bub’s 34. Run off to wed 37. John Kirk Furniture buys

39. Fox Prairie Golf Course hazard 41. Fifth Third Bank offering, for short 42. Odyssey Map Store book 43. Spock, e.g. 48. WRTV teaser 50. Indy record store chain 53. Colts’ offensive coordinator

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Christensen 55. Heats water 56. Westfield Farmers Market veggie 57. Fishers road 58. “High” time 59. Give off, as light 61. Pilot Travel Center: truck ___

62. Bluespring Caverns sound 63. Carmel Clay Schools grp. 65. Start of an Anderson University cheer: Gimme ___! (2 wds.) 66. Lids purchase

Solutions on page 25 May 11, 2010 | 23

The sentence of a lifetime? COMMENTARY By Dick Wolfsie I hope you will enjoy this column, intended to be a brief but poignant journey sprinkled with insightful observations – insights worthy of a few minutes of your time spent looking at the craft of writing, examining how great literature is a mirror to all existence, reflecting our goals and values and defining the stuff of life, the very being of who we are. Whew! That was quite a sentence, wasn’t it? It’s so bad that Heidi, my editor, called me before she reached the end of it to inquire if I had forgotten to take my meds. I never would have written anything quite so monstrous had I not made the huge mistake of listening to a CD set from the Teaching Company, the creators of hundreds of educational presentations for people who think they can learn everything from chaos theory to the hidden meaning of Joyce’s “Ulysses” by simply by absorbing the information found in a handful of video or audio recordings. “Building Great Sentences” is the work of Prof. Brooks Landon of the University of Iowa, who is not a fan of concise wording. He believes long, layered, textured prose moves the reader along and challenges him at multiple levels. Really? I don’t. No way!

Dr. Landon insists that only criminals like short sentences, which, interestingly, is the only joke he tells in this 24 hours of lectures. I never heard anyone laugh during his sessions. It’s possible the audience was warned not to ruin the somber mood, but more likely, no one showed up for these mind-numbing monologues to begin with. In these 12 CDs about writing, the professor spends a lot of time talking about things like cumulative and subordinate syntax, rhetoric, coordinate modifications, the mechanics of delay, left and right branching sentences, and word sequencing. When I first heard about this course, I assumed it was going to be more about the technical aspects of writing. You know, how to change the font or the page margins in Microsoft Word. Knowing all this heady stuff about crafting sentences is like ordering a plate of barbecue hot wings, then finding out that the dish comes with a short video of the chicken’s last few minutes on earth. This is just too much information. I don’t want to lose my appetite for snappy phrasing. My wife Mary Ellen and I are dredging our way through an instructional DVD called “History of Ancient Egypt” in preparation for our Nile River cruise, where we’ll see the pyramids that were designed and constructed with

the same rigor one would build a sentence, although Dr. Landon would probably assert the Egyptians had it easy in comparison, working in concert, a luxury unavailable to creative writing students, all of whom apparently revere this instructor who has taught for 30 years, which by the way, now puts us at the end of another sentence that would just charm the literary pants off the wordy professor. The CDs, by the way, cost $200, but I think they are a good value because I listen to them at bedtime instead of taking Ambien. Truth is, the set was given to me by my friend Garry, who is not a writer. He’s an ophthalmologist. He gives these lackluster lecture series as gifts to all his friends, who become glassy eyed by the third class. Then they think they need cataract surgery. That about wraps up this column. I don’t think Dr. Landon would approve of my writing style. Of course, with just a few tweaks in the punctuation, I could turn this whole thing into a 602-word sentence.

Dick Wolfsie is an author, columnist, and speaker. Contact him at wolfsie@aol.com.

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24 | May 11, 2010

Current in Westfield

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I hate getting my hair cut COMMENTARY By Mike Redmond I need a haircut. Again. This is ridiculous. I just got one, what, a month ago? And now I have to get another? Sheesh. Maybe you can tell I don’t particularly enjoy haircuts. As some of you know, I used to wear my hair long. Very long. Rock-and-roll long. Between-the-shoulder-blades long. Lost-on-a-desert-island long (although it was still shiny and manageable, with lots of bounce). I used to gather it up and tie it back at work, which earned the enmity of a straight-haired female colleague, who sneeringly mocked my “perfect Debbie Reynolds ponytail.” Tsk, tsk. Jealousy is so unattractive. Of course, this was back in the olden days. How olden? So olden that long hair was fashionable and I was involved in the music business as a critic and performer. Also, dinosaurs roamed the earth. Oh, what a manly mane I cultivated. Unlike today, it actually had color in it, and a hairline that

J.D. Walls & Associates proudly announces the addition of attorney Mathew S. Lewis as a new associate. See Mr. Lewis for estate planning, asset protection, probate administration and guardianships.

began quite a bit south of the present location. Men admired it. Women adored it. And barbers hated it, which was fine by me. I felt the same about them. I take that back. I didn’t hate barbers. I just hated haircuts. This was my sole reason for wearing my hair long. I wasn’t making a fashion statement. I just didn’t want to get a haircut. You see, I was traumatized in childhood (Bear with me. I’m a Baby Boomer. We ALL think we were traumatized in childhood) by … My mother. Also known as Lois, Peeler of Scalps. Mom cut all the hair in our house, including the girls’ and Dad’s, but for some reason they got to have a little say in how their hair looked. My brother P.D. and I, on the hand, did not. For years we wore the same haircut, a standard model in which the head was more or less shaved except for a little decorative sprig in the front. And it was administered with all Mom’s usual loving tenderness: “Sit still! Stop wiggling! Keep your head down! I said down! If you lose an ear it won’t be my fault! Didn’t I tell you to sit still? Now look what you made me do!”

(That last remark was in keeping with the McKenzie Law of Parental Infallibility, which states that all mistakes committed by parents are caused by misbehaving children. This can apply to anything from crooked furrows to lopsided bangs to maritime disasters.) Mom attacked our hair with the gusto of a sheep shearer on piece rate and never, ever did we have anything to say about it. So when I finally got to start calling my own shots, I started with the hair. I grew it long and kept it there, except for when I had to clean up to get a new job. Then I would visit a barber. A not-Mom barber. So it went until a couple of years ago when I took a job that required my hair to be short. Since then, I have been a slave once again to the tyranny of the shears. Plus, guys my age with long hair look kind of pathetic to me these days. I think it’s a conspiracy. Oh, well. And now, if you will excuse me, I am off to you-know-where, even though I hate it. You see, I hate unemployment even more.

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N E H R U

C K Y H O E D A I N O L O A R F O R T R E A S E I E F M A L L A L E B R I G D I A N A Y O N D B R O E Y A L R G E S

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seniors engagements weddings children 26 | May 11, 2010

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We’re looking for good people who want FUN IN THE MORNINGS with the afternoons off. We need energetic early birds to help make good bread, provide top-notch customer service and keep the bakery spotlessly clean. Oh, for you sleepy heads ... we might have some afternoon and evening hours too. COME IN AND APPLY! APPLY NOW: Print application on-line (www.carmelgreatharvest.com) and apply in-store 12505 Old Meridian Street; 46032 (East of Meijer)

We are currently looking for all positions. Come talk to us about flexible hours that fit into your schedule! Full-time and part-time available. Join an organization that just keeps growing. Good pay, fun environment and free bread. Monday-Friday Monday-Friday 7 a.m. - 6 p.m. 7:00am-6:00pm Saturday7:00 7 a.m. - 3 p.m. Saturday am-3:00pm

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A less stressful and economical alternative to boarding with loving care for your pets in the comfort of your home. 8 years of experience Member of Pet Sitters Associates LLC happypetsitter@gmail.com 317-645-6043 References available

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You work hard, so by living at The New Yorker Apartments you will have time to enjoy your life … and to have all the convenience of living downtown.

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Come on in and visit The New Yorker Apartments. Call - 784-5899 or 435-8618 and make an appointment. You might be surprised at the pleasant, large apartments that are available at such affordable prices.

DISTRESS SALE

WANTED TO BUY I BUY: Jewelry, Gold, Silver, Platinum, Rolex, Diamonds, Old Coins, Bullion Coins, silverware, Old watches, estate items and anything of value. Call 317-4965581 or visit us today at www. indyestatebuyer.com

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Bank Foreclosures Hamilton Co. Free list of Foreclosure Properties. Receive a FREE daily list by e-mail; www.hamiltoncoforeclosures.com

Dining room Furniture - lIKe NeW Cherry wood oval table with two extensions & custom made table pads with 8 chairs. $800….and Three Section China Cabinet $200 each section Call 317-896-5994

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IT’S TRUE: Schedule an appointment to just come and see how much time and money you can save. STUDIOS, 1-2 BEDROOMS - FENCED PARKING LOT Professionally Managed by: MOYNAHAN-WILLIAMS Call Debbie – 317-435-8618

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Donations of gowns — tax deductible Gowns — greatly discounted Proceeds donated to local charities Gayla Breslauer (317)796-9432 BridesRevisted.org Gayla@BridesRevisted.org

“MI ESCUELITA SPANISH IMMERSION PRESCHOOL” A unique preschool in Carmel Registrations are now open! Classes start now and summer Info: (317) 575-9379 Visit us at: www.miescuelitaindy.com

Gowns for the Greatest Good

May 11, 2010 | 27

Ladies, treat yourself to better health. You already do so much for others. It’s time you do something good for yourself. Our free health event is the perfect way to treat yourself to better health by learning how to take control of your wellbeing through diet, exercise, and annual gynecologic exams. Our team of experts at Clarian North Medical Center will share their knowledge about women’s health and educate guests on our da Vinci robots used in minimally invasive surgical procedures. Attendees will be able to test drive our da Vinci equipment to better understand the functionality of the advanced technology many of our physicians use.

Free Seminar

MONDAY, MAY 17, 6:00 P.M. Clarian North Medical Center Learning Center 11700 N. Meridian, Carmel Presented by: Dr. Leo Bonaventura

Bonaventura Reproductive Medicine

Dr. Stefanie Flora

Women’s Health Alliance

Dr. David Moore

Gynecologic Oncology of Indiana

Dr. Sheldon Weiss

American Health Network Women’s Care OB/GYN

Other perks of the evening include: ▪ Chair massages provided by Ology Spa ▪ Refreshments compliments of Atrio ▪ Test drives of the da Vinci surgical robots

RSVP by calling 317-688-2828

28 | May 11, 2010

Current in Westfield