Your Personal Encourager
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Copyright Š CWR 1994 by Selwyn Hughes Published 2002 by CWR, Waverley Abbey, Waverley Lane, Farnham, Surrey GU9 8EP. Registered Charity No. 294387. Registered Limited Company No. 1990308. Reprinted 2004, 2005. This edition revised and reformatted 2010. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission in writing of CWR. Unless otherwise identified, all Scripture quotations in this publication are from the Holy Bible: New International Version (NIV). Copyright Š 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Concept development, editing, design and production by CWR. Printed in Croatia by Zrinski ISBN: 978-1-85345-072-3
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Over 100,000 copies sold in seven languages
Your Personal Encourager Biblical help for dealing with difficult times
Selwyn Hughes
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Contents
Introduction 1.
When Betrayed by a Friend
2.
When God Seems Far Away
3.
When Struggling with Ungodly Thoughts
4.
When Facing Ill Health
5.
When Fears Threaten to Overwhelm
6.
When Experiencing Loneliness
7.
When Forgiving is not Easy
8.
When You Lapse into Self-Pity
9.
When Jealous Thoughts Invade
10.
When Praying no Longer Appeals
11.
When Doubts Set In
12.
When You Face Failure
13.
When Hopes are Not Realised
14.
When One Thing Comes after Another
15.
When Crippled by Feelings of Inferiority
16.
When You Wonder if God Can Transform Things
17.
When You Fall into Sin
18.
When Overcome by Shame
19.
When Made Redundant or Unemployed
20.
When it’s Difficult to be Generous
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21.
When Scripture Fails to Come Alive
22.
When Someone Close to You Dies
23.
When Struggling with Anger
24.
When Perplexed by the Prosperity of the Ungodly
25.
When Weighed Down by Stress
26.
When Struggling with Selfishness
27.
When Downcast and Depressed
28.
When You Doubt that God is Good
29.
When Facing Bitter Disappointment
30.
When Lacking Spiritual Assurance
31.
When Afraid of Death
32.
When You Need Divine Guidance
33.
When Painful Memories Persist
34.
When a Marriage Breaks Down
35.
When You Feel Forgotten by God
36.
When there are Difficulties at Home
37.
When Battling with Sexual Frustration
38.
When Harassed by Fierce Temptations
39.
When God’s Promises are Delayed
40.
When Your Love for the Lord Begins to Wane
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Introduction
F
rom time to time everyone needs encouragement. In all the years I have been a counsellor I have met only a few people who didn’t respond positively to a few carefully chosen and biblically based words of encouragement. Some of the most remembered moments in my own life have been those when, overtaken by a pressing problem and feeling deeply discouraged, someone came alongside and stimulated my faith with a God-given and reassuring word. The word ‘discourage’ means ‘to deprive of courage, to dishearten, to deter’. Almost every day we face discouraging circumstances and situations: a put-down from someone, a critical word, plans that don’t seem to work out, loneliness, sorrow, failure, doubts, and so on. The word ‘encourage’, in contrast, means ‘to inspire with new confidence and courage, to give spirit or hope, to hearten, to spur on, to give help’. A Christian once told me: ‘I can go for a whole month on a single word of encouragement.’ It is gratifying when we are caught up in the throes of discouragement to have a friend who comes alongside and says something (or does something) that is encouraging. But what do we do when such a friend is not available? That famous Old Testament character David was once in this situation. The incident is recorded for us in the first book of Samuel chapters 27, 29 and 30. Fleeing for his life from King Saul, David offered his services, and those of his 600 men, to King Achish, a Philistine. And the king, accepting the offer, gave David and his men first Gath, then the city of Ziklag for their home. David, his men and their families settled there. One day King Achish took his troops to join in a combined Philistine attack against Israel and, astonishingly, David and his soldiers went along with them to fight against their own people. But King Achish’s colleagues refused to trust David and his men in a battle against their own, so they decided to send them back to Ziklag. On returning there, however, they found that a group of desert raiders
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called the Amalekites had burned the city to the ground and had taken captive everyone they had found. David and his men, we read: ‘wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep’ (1 Samuel 30:4). To make matters worse, David’s men turned on him and blamed him for their predicament: ‘each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters’ (1 Samuel 30:6). They even discussed among themselves the idea of stoning him. In addition to the problems with his troops, David had to cope with the loss of his own family also. His state of distress was such that right there his career could easily have come to an end. Then we are introduced to one of the great ‘buts’ of the Bible: ‘But David encouraged … himself in the Lord his God’ (v.6, Amplified Bible). How did he do it? He would have prayed of course, and that is always important when dealing with discouragement. However, I think he did something more – he recalled what he knew of God, and thought about what he had learned as a shepherd boy concerning the Almighty when he meditated upon Him in the Judean hills. ‘The secret of recovering your footing spiritually,’ says Jim Packer, the well-known theologian, ‘lies in the little word think.’ That was undoubtedly where David began; he made himself recall what he knew of God and applied it to his own situation at that moment. The Puritans used to call it ‘preaching to oneself ’. Every time we are discouraged, every time we reel under the blow of some traumatic experience, every time our feelings scream out in pain, we must assert the facts of our faith over our feelings. We can’t wait for the unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings to subside; we must take control over the runaway feelings by reminding ourselves of what we know about God. I imagine that David would have reminded himself of such facts as these: God is sovereign, God is love, God is forgiving, God is faithful, God is consistent, God is merciful, and so on. Dwelling on these thoughts would have brought great encouragement to David’s heart. The consequence of all this was that he found the guidance he needed to restore the situation completely. Read the story for yourself in the rest of 1 Samuel 30. Every Christian ought to know how to do what David did, and
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this handbook is an attempt to assist you in doing that. Friends are fine (thank God for them), but we must know for ourselves how to think biblically about life’s problems, to talk to ourselves about the facts of our faith and then find the appropriate scriptures that relate to our problem. It is imperative that we know what parts of the Bible to turn to in times of testing, and to know also how to talk ourselves into a new mood of optimism and faith. The things we tell ourselves greatly affect the way we feel – and this is why we must learn to fill our minds with the truths of God’s eternal and unchanging Word. I can’t emphasise strongly enough that our negative self-talk is often responsible for the way we feel. We talk ourselves into a low mood by repeating statements to ourselves that either minimise or maximise the facts. And just as we talk ourselves into downcast feelings so we can talk ourselves out of them. Over the years in which I have been involved in Christian counselling I have often asked people the question: What discourages you? I have taken the hundreds of replies I have received and narrowed them down to the forty most oft-repeated issues. If your particular problem does not fall within these categories then look for the one that comes closest to it. I feel confident you will find something that will revive, refresh and minister to your spirit. This Personal Encourager can be used in two ways. One, to help you find the relevant scriptures and thoughts you need to consider when overtaken by some aspect of discouragement, and two, as a foundation from which you can minister to others whenever they need encouragement. It goes without saying that the power of this publication lies in the words of Scripture which it highlights and identifies. I have also given some explanations and statements of my own, together with a prayer that can be used at the end. If you do not find the prayer helpful then compile your own. I am sure it hardly needs to be said that my comments are of much lesser value than the words of Scripture. However, they are based on Scripture and built around such great themes as God’s sovereignty, power, compassion and forgiveness – the same truths that David would undoubtedly have reflected on in those
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discouraging moments at Ziklag. The thoughts and ideas recorded here have been used in countless counselling situations over the years. Many people have told me they have found them helpful. I hope you will too. One final thing: ‘encouragement’ must not be regarded as mere sentimentality. We should realise Scripture is equally encouraging when it confronts and challenges us as it is when it consoles and comforts us. To be faced with a challenge when we are hurting may not be what we most want, but it may be what we most need. An African tribe says of medicine that is not too pleasing to the taste but does them good: ‘It hurts better.’ Keep in mind that when God challenges us it is only that we might be brought to the place of complete and utter dependency upon Him. God not only lifts the standards to great heights, but also provides the power to reach up to them. Personally, I find it deeply encouraging that God thinks so much of me that He will not let me get away with things that damage my potential and hinder my effectiveness for Him. He loves me as I am but He loves me too much to let me stay as I am. So remember it is still the ministry of encouragement that is at work when Scripture speaks to us in a challenging and confronting way. See these as the Lord’s ‘loving reproofs’, for that is just what they are. May you, like David at Ziklag, learn the skill of encouraging yourself and others in the Lord your God.
Waverley Abbey House, Farnham, Surrey, England 2005
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Scriptures on which to reflect The closer the friendship, the deeper the hurt. Psalm 55: If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God. (vv.12–14) Our Lord knew betrayal also. Luke 22: While he was still speaking … one of the Twelve … approached Jesus to kiss him, but Jesus asked him, ‘Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?’ (vv.47–48) Betrayal is a universal and age-old problem. Micah 7: For a son dishonours his father, a daughter rises up against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law – a man’s enemies are the members of his own household. (v.6) Hand all ideas of vengeance to God. Romans 12: Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. (v.19) Let God restore your soul. Psalm 23: He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. (vv.2–3) Don’t hit back. 1 Peter 3: Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. (v.9) See how much you have been forgiven. Colossians 3: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (v.13) Jesus forgave, He can help you forgive too. Luke 23: Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’ (v.34)
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When Betrayed by a Friend
T
here is a terrible sound in the word ‘betrayed’. To betray someone is to deal treacherously with them. Betrayal is the opposite of loyalty, and the more we love loyalty the more we loathe betrayal. In a hard and cruel world such as this we are not surprised when we are hurt by our enemies, but no one expects to be hurt by a friend. Few things, I imagine, would have hurt our Lord more than to be betrayed by one of His own disciples. How do we cope with betrayal? How do we handle our lives when we become a victim of treachery by a friend? First, we must take our pain to God and invite Him to invade our hearts with His soothing balm. Who better than Jesus can sympathise with us in this kind of problem? It is perilously easy to turn elsewhere for comfort in such a n hour – to d rin k, entertainment, literature, and so on. Some even attempt to push the matter out of awareness. But all painful situations must be faced, even though they do not have to be dwelt upon. We must let God minister to us in our hurt;
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He is the only One who can restore the soul. Because hurt can quickly escalate into resentment, with the help of our Lord we must empty our heart of all bitterness and – forgive. Forgiveness, it must be understood, may not always bring about changes in the other person (nor guarantee that he or she will want to be restored), but it will ensure release for our own soul. The cross of our Lord Jesus Christ stands and holds out wide appealing arms to all who have been betrayed. It says: ‘This is how Jesus dealt with His enemies … and the friend who betrayed Him.’ In the light of that great fact can we do anything other than forgive?
Prayer Father, give me the grace to follow Your example in the midst of my betrayal. Show me that nothing, not even betrayal by a friend, can move my soul from its security in You. May I rejoice in that, and in the power of Your great love. Amen.
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Scriptures on which to reflect We just can’t get away from God. Psalm 139: Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. (vv.7–10) God may seem far away but actually He is not. Acts 17: ‘God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. “For in him we live and move and have our being.” As some of your own poets have said, “We are his offspring.”’ (vv.27–28) He cannot go back on His Word. 2 Timothy 2: … if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself. (v.13) Never means never. Hebrews 13: … God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ (v.5b) He sustains us even when we don’t realise it. Psalm 73: My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever. (v.26) If you really want to find Him, He can be found. Jeremiah 29: ‘You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord … (vv.13–14) There is never a moment when God is not with us. Psalm 46: God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. (v.1) He pursues His purposes no matter what. Colossians 1: Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behaviour. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation … (vv.21–22)
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When God Seems Far Away
S
ometimes even mature Christians who have followed the Lord for many years go through times when God seems very far away. In the main there are three possible reasons for this. First, the problem can stem from a purely physical cause. W hat happens to us physically can have a great effect upon us spiritually. Sickness, viral infections, stress, overwork (or other physical conditions) can affect our moods to such a degree that we think we are spiritually low when the real problem lies in a poor physical condition. This is why before God began to work on Elijah’s depressed spirit He made sure that he had a period of rest and recuperation (see 1 Kings 19). Second, God might seem far away because a sin has been committed and not been brought to God in repentance. God has so built our spiritual system that when we sin, guilt descends. This kind of guilt (as opposed to the false guilt which can arise in our personalities) is God’s way of getting our attention. In this situation repentance is the only way back.
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Repentance, remember, means more than just being sorry; it means being sorry enough to quit. When repentance has taken effect we can be sure that our relationship with God will be restored. The third reason – and by far the most common one – for feeling that God is far away is because we fail to take the time to maintain our relationship with Him. If we don’t take the time to talk to God regularly in prayer and listen to Him through reading His Word, then ought it to surprise us that the relationship between us and Him begins to deteriorate? As someone put it: ‘If God seems far away – guess who moved?’ God never moves away from us – it’s we who move away from Him. Prayer My Father and my God, thank You for reminding me that my relationship with You must not be taken for granted, but constantly maintained. And if repentance is what is needed, help me to take that step – and without delay. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
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Scriptures on which to reflect Turn your thinking in the right direction. Philippians 4: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. (v.8) God says to all temptation: ‘so far and no farther.’ 1 Corinthians 10: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (v.13) The ‘hidden’ Word – a great resource against evil. Psalm 119: How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. (vv.9–11) Put on the armour of God and feel the difference. Ephesians 6: Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. (v.11) God’s strength – an absolute certainty. 2 Corinthians 12: But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ (v.9) A threefold prescription. James 4: Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. (v.7) Decide not to let a glance become a gaze. Job 31: ‘I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.’ (v.1) Your mind works better when filled with Scripture. Romans 12: Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. (v.2)
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When Struggling with Ungodly Thoughts
M
a ny Christia ns struggle with their thought life and have to fight a difficult battle in their minds and imaginations. Troubling and disturbing thoughts can vary from wanting to inflict harm on others to images of sexual lust. The entrance of a wrong thought into the mind is not sin, but if it is not dealt with quickly and efficiently it can soon lead to sin. The longer a thought is indulged the more energy it gathers and the deeper it becomes entrenched in the mind. Note this: if the battle is lost it is usually lost in the first few minutes. Thus those who entertain troubling or ungodly thoughts on the pretext that they can dismiss them any time they like are playing a foolish game. The path along which this thinking proceeds takes this form: a thought comes and is indulged, indulging a thought quickly leads to inclination, inclination leads to appetite, appetite leads to hunger, hunger leads to craving, and craving leads to sin. Those struggling should be careful about the literature they read, the films
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they see, and the programmes they watch on television. Avoid all those things that have a tendency to inflame. Ungodly thoughts are not driven out by dwelling on them, but by turning the attention to other subjects. It is bad tactics to give them sustained attention; they must be disputed at once by directing the mind to a more profitable and productive theme. And what better theme than Jesus? He is the centre of everything that is pure. To focus on Him is to enlist His aid. So the first moment a troubling thought assails you, focus on Jesus. And as He has been there for others – He will be there also for you.
Prayer O God, help me whenever I find myself in the heat of a mental fight to turn my thoughts swiftly to You. May I discover how seductive things take on a loathsome appearance when You are consciously present. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
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Scriptures on which to reflect Christ’s death on the cross related to healing. Matthew 8: When evening came, many who were demon-possessed were brought to him, and he drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick. This was to fulfil what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah: ‘He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases.’ (vv.16–17) Healing is part of the divine purpose. Exodus 15: ‘ … I am the Lord, who heals you.’ (v.26) Have you done this? James 5: Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. (v.14) Healing may not come but God’s strength always does. Isaiah 40: He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. (v.29) Another promise of divine strength. Psalm 68: You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary; the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people. Praise be to God! (v.35) All-sufficient grace. 2 Corinthians 12: But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (v.9) Yet more strength. Isaiah 41: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (v.10) The comfort God gives you can be used to comfort others. 2 Corinthians 1: … who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. (v.4)
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