Fall 2022

photo by Dylan Hanson

ON

THE

COVER Kai Brandt, Public Health major and mem ber of CWU women’s rugby team, tosses a ball up during the photoshoot for Central Athletes: The Mental Health Grind.

Photo by Dylan Hanson Design by Makayla Zayic

PULSE STAFF

Editorial

editor-in-chief Noah Wright associate editor Wayne Gray assistant editor Jake Hassebrock copy editor Gabby Kutch writers Mikko Blais Luca Crouch-Goodhue Milenne Quinonez Abby Snethen Elliott Watkins

Design

art director Makayla Zayic lead designer Evan Brown designers Rody Farr Annie Tran Sandra Rivera Evelyn Perez-Sanchez Photography director of photography Dylan Hanson photographers Jakob Burnham

Multimedia

social media & web manager Sydney Ziegler podcast hosts Deacon Tuttle Evan Couch

Advising

faculty adviser Jennifer Green 509-963-3216 jennifer.green@cwu.edu

PULSE magazine is a student-run lifestyle magazine, both in print and online at www.cwupulsemagazine.com. PULSE produces one issue an academic quarter. Student editors make policy and content decisions for the magazine, which serves as a public forum for student expression. PULSE serves the Central Washington University community with informative, engaging and interactive content covering campus and community life, trends and issues, and providing practical magazine and multimedia training.

THE EDITOR NOT es FROM

There were four weeks left of Spring Quarter last year when I sat down with our current EIC and Dr. Green. There were so many thoughts that raced through my head when I heard Jen say “We need to have an important conversation”.

I thought ‘oh no, what did I do?’

I sat there expecting the worst when Lexi Wicks said, “we are think ing of making you EIC next year…what do you think?” Me, EIC, I hadn’t thought about it before and I would be lying if I didn’t want to say no at first. I had seen the pressure Lexi was feeling as EIC and I wanted mylast year to be an easy one, one with no stress or extra work. But before I could even try to say no, I blurted out “yeah sure, why not”.

Here I sit now writing this letter to you to say I am incredibly glad that I decided to be EIC. Seeing the process that every writer, designer, photographer and social media member went through to make this magazine come together was so amazing. I had seen stories come together for writers before, but that was only the writer that I was editing for. Getting to see every writer overcome issues makes me so proud to be the EIC for this quarter.

Our staff is almost entirely new this quarter so I was really worried about how things were going to go, even when the staff is experi enced there are issues that come up. But everyone came to class each day and was eager to work and excited to see their stories come to completion. Even amongst the interviews that fell through, the unique and confusing style we write with, the intense visual aspects of magazines and the overall stress of putting out an 80 page magazine, I can confidently say that this is my favorite quarter on the magazine. And after seven quarters before this I have seen my fair share of amazing pieces.

This year we have a longer sports section than any other I’ve seen, we worked to highlight members of the community we haven’t reached out to before and the whole time our staff collaborated on every aspect. Every member of each story met each week to get clarity from the other people working on their stories: writers, designers, editors and photographers all working together to create a more collaborative piece of art.

I couldn’t be prouder of this staff, each one developed so much over this short amount of time we had together. They made my first quarter as EIC so easy and I hope that their hard work and dedica tion shines through the stories you are about to read. Maybe I’m a little biased, but the stories you are about to read are incredible.

BEHIND THE SCENES

MAKAYLA LAST-MINUTE STRESSING

NOAH + WAYNE EDITING AWAY

ASHLEY CASTRO

RYAN RIVERA

DYLAN HANSON

GABBY WITH BUNNY EARS

ONE

story by Jakob Burnham design and illustration by Makayla Zayic

FILM STUDENT’S OPINION ON CGI

CGI Changes

Watching movies with terrible CGI may tend to take you out of the movie, and lately there hasn’t been much good CGI. CGI stands for Computer-Generated Imagery and without it not a whole lot of things are possible within the film industry.

But why now? How is CGI getting worse? First off, there are many reasons why CGI has gotten worse and most of the time it isn’t just one reason.

Throughout time there have been great movies with CGI, maybe audiences are spoiled because of good CGI, but that’s not the case. Slowly but surely CGI has been getting worse and it may take some time to get better again.

CGI is a Trend

One big reason CGI has gotten worse is that every filmmaker wants to use it. Filmmakers know they can make some good money with good CGI, but half of the time now it isn’t even that great.

In the 1990s CGI started to get popular with movies such as Jurassic Park and Toy Story, which is known to be the first ever entirely computer-generated feature film. In this time everyone started to use it, especially after these blockbuster movies.

Now because everyone is using it, people are using CGI with such a low budget or cheap VFX which causes them to have poor CGI. Not every movie needs this though, practical effects exist and oftentimes it can work better than CGI.

But since CGI is such a “trend” people will follow it, especially when there is no limit and no one telling these people no.

“Working

- Dhruv Govil

HD to 4K

Overworked Staff

The article 10 reasons why CGI is getting worse, not better, written by explains that the advances in resolution clarity has made CGI less convincing.

In 2012, 4K was approved as a standard. TimeScapes being the first film to shoot in 4K, their winning of awards brought with it a lot of attention. One major film that influenced other filmmakers to shoot in 4K is District 9.

The switch from HD, High Definition, to 4K within filmmaking is another huge reason why some CGI is poor nowadays. With 4K, 8K and so on making the film more detailed and beautiful, it also causes us as the audience to see the faulty CGI more clearly.

Sometimes CGI isn’t detailed enough to keep up with the resolutions. Especially since more and more movies are using higher resolutions, making the CGI less convincing which defeats the whole purpose of CGI.

The Soul of the Film

As filmmakers use more CGI within their films, they become so reliant on it that it becomes the soul of the film. Films such as Rampage (2018), are pure CGI. Most of their budget goes into the CGI instead of better writers, directors, etc.

Rampage is literally about a CGI gorilla, wolf and alligator who all fight each other, but in addition the wolf can fly. Movies like Rampage can be very fun at times, but most of the time are they good quality movies?

The effects are supposed to be hidden, if viewers can notice the change between normal shots and CGI shots then there is a problem. Some filmmakers and companies just think that CGI makes the movie, since it may “look cool”, but really what makes a good movie is a compelling story and characters.

More and more movies are using CGI and using it as the soul of the film rather than their characters and story. CGI can look good when done right, but if CGI makes the whole story and isn’t done right.

One issue that people may now know about is that VFX teams tend to be overworked a lot. CGI and VFX are already difficult to do, so with staff being overworked, it can’t be much easier.

Recently a lot of VFX employees from Marvel Studios spoke out about how they are being overworked and underpaid, according to the article ‘Overworked, underappreciated’ VFX artists call out Marvel over terrible working conditions, written by the Tribune.

This was a pretty big deal especially since lately Marvel Studios’ movies haven’t had much luck with their CGI, so this could very well be one of the reasons.

This isn’t only with Marvel Studios. VFX teams have it quite difficult, so it’s amazing they get CGI done at all under the circumstances.

Dhruv Govil, a former CG artist from Marvel Studios, tweeted, “Working on #Marvel shows is what pushed me to leave the VFX industry. They’re a horrible client, and I’ve seen way too many colleagues break down after being overworked, while Marvel tightens the purse strings.”

CGI isn’t an easy thing to do at all. Through the past years of CGI there may be some bad ones, but that doesn’t mean the team can’t be appreciated.

Hopefully CGI will see the light of day again, back to the golden days, but for now we may need to sit and wait for our technology to advance and for Hollywood to not look at movies as a CGI fest.

Makayla Zayic

Balancing College Life with Kids

“I just think there’s a culture shift, there’s more student parents, there’s more people now going back to school, and they have a family,” says Angela Kyle, a mother of four who is finishing her master’s degree in education/high education. Kyle is also a former PULSE writer and CWU’s Orientation Coordinator.

Currently, almost one in five students is a parent. Balancing raising a family and school and possibly a job as well is a lot to face and Central has few resources available.

If you are a student parent, or know one, you know the struggles they face. Some have to take out extra student loans or financial aid to help support their families, or they have to skip a class because their kid is sick, or hope their professor is understanding when they have to turn in a paper late.

The Reality of Life as a Student Parent:

Having kids is life changing for many people. Having kids while also balancing school, work and raising them is an even bigger change. Some students end up needing to take out extra student loans and financial aid to pay for their kid’s needs.

Kyle got pregnant in her senior year of college and left school to focus on her family. She chose to leave since she “didn’t quite know how to balance school and family and a new baby.” She didn’t go back to school until her first child graduated high school which is when she decided she wanted to finish her degree.

Addie Adkins is a graduate assistant and is like Kyle in that after her first child she left school until that child was nine. She utilized “financial aid and student loans and student employment” to help pay for college and her kids.

Lorena Ellison, a third-year student, had her child after her freshman year of college and then took a gap year. She works part time along with going to college and raising her child. She went back to school after the gap year, and she utilizes campus resources.

story by Luca Crouch-Goodhue photo contributions by Addie Adkins, Lorena Ellison, and Angela Kyle design by

Kyle was able to avoid childcare fees because her husband worked from home so it was easier to find times to do pickups or drop-offs for school. The challenging part was finding activities for the kids during COVID when everything that the kids enjoyed doing shut down.“It took a lot of me getting online and I would Google things like ‘what to do in Ellensburg if you’re a kid’ or ‘kid friendly activities’,” says Kyle.

She also took her daughter to the “Monday Movie Madness” since it is affordable as she’s a student so she got in for free while her daughter only cost $5. She did feel awkward as her daughter was the only child there.

Adkins has the support of her family to help with her kids. Her youngest is in preschool which has been the hardest part of her being in school since it’s only “two or three days a week, for two or three hours.” Her older child is in school full time so it was easier to go to school.

Adkins said that last year, when she was having to travel to Ellensburg twice a week it was challenging with her youngest being in preschool only a few hours a week, but with her family support she was able to make it happen. Her youngest’s grandpa decided that he would take the youngest to preschool and “do grandpa days those days” since he’s retired.

ADDIE ADKINS

Support for Student Parents:

Being a student parent looks different for everyone; some have the support of family and partners; some have no support except for what the university or community provides.

Ellison doesn’t have the support of her family or partner. Her biggest support has been the few resources on and off campus. She has her child enrolled at CWU’s Early Childhood Learning Center (ECLC).

She also joined the Resonate Church when she first transferred to CWU and found support there while she was waiting to start her classes. Her friends there were supporting her emotionally and letting her know that everything would be alright.

She had traveled over 2,000 miles with her daughter in her move to Ellensburg, which she said was “scary, nervewracking” since she had to start her life over again.

Neither Kyle nor Adkins have used the ECLC, though Adkins did get put on the waiting list when she thought she was going to move to Ellensburg. Kyle had the support of her husband, and Adkins had the support of her family.

Ellison does utilize the ECLC for her child and while she thinks it’s expensive, she says “it’s really good, it’s really nice.”

Michelle Hill, director of the ECLC, has said that there will be “no registration fee anymore” she has just forgotten to take it off the website.

The ECLC is a “really nice” facility according to Ellison. It has two locations, one for infants and toddlers and one for 2

to 12-year-olds. They do have a waitlist, but it is catered to students first before staff and faculty members.

The ECLC is one of two resources on campus available to student parents. The other resource CWU provides is the Family Resource Center which is run by Amy Claridge.

They have a clothing bank that has maternity clothes and lots of options for kids, from babies to older kids. Claridge says that they have “a diaper bank and a bank of random supplies for families, things that families might need” that can have things like highchairs and bottles and random things like that.

Claridge explained that they “also always accept requests for resources from community members or students or anyone…I won’t have that exact thing, but we’ll find a way to get that thing.”

The Family Resource Center caters to the Ellensburg community as a whole, but that’s because there are fewer student parents compared to the total number of parents in the general community.

The Family Resource Center tries to advertise at the on-site daycares to encourage parents to take advantage of the center. The Family Resource Center also has a parenting group to provide some support and community for parents. The group is made up of both students and staff/faculty; Claridge said that they will be starting it again in January.

LORENA ELLISON

Student Parent

Feedback:

Kyle gave some ideas for what colleges can do to make student parents and their kids feel more comfortable on campus. “How cool would it be if there was a kid’s meal at the dining; just two chicken strips, an apple juice and a wildcat sticker” Kyle said. Having some kid’s meals at the SURC, especially during family orientated activities, like

Kyle brought her daughter to the movie night, would bring incentive to people to bring their kids.

Kyle also thought that starting a real student parent club would be beneficial. One of the hardest parts of being a parent in general is the isolation that being a parent brings. Being a student parent with the balance of school/work and raising a family brings more isolation as you aren’t always able to go out with friends you make in class or join a club to get to know others.

Adkins says if she were going to advise anybody on how to navigate being a student parent is that, “kids happen no matter what, but if I had a choice/had to do it all over again, I would probably have done college when I didn’t have kids, just so that I could get the full college experience.”

Ellison also has a message for young parents: “regardless if you’re in high school or college, I feel like a lot of parents… when they find out they’re pregnant, they think and assume they have to stop their life without pursuing their dreams because they have a kid.” But many would argue that having kids doesn’t stop someone from chasing their dreams.

Ellison and Kyle both think having kids makes you want you to work harder, be better and make a better life for yourself and your child.

“Regardless if you’re in high school or college, I feel like a lot of parents… when they find out they’re pregnant, they think and assume they have to stop their life without pursuing their dreams because they have a kid.”

when

- Lorena Ellison

ANGELA KYLE

R E A D

As you’re walking to your next class, you open the Spotify app and in your recommended songs there’s a track you’ve never heard by an artist you didn’t even know. The artist’s name and album cover art look interesting enough, so you give it a chance. The music starts. Is this song your new favorite? Do you not care for it? Is it the worst thing you’ve ever heard? Why do we receive these recommendations and how does Spotify decide what to recommend?. Lucky for you, I did a little research on the subject, so let’s get into it.

First of all, Spotify uses an algorithm to make its recommendations. Nearly everything we use today involves an algorithm to some extent, most certainly the apps we use. If you’re like me, when you first found out about algorithms, they sounded like some highly complex system. They can be complicated, but for our purposes, you just need to know that algorithms are a type of mathematical equation that gives an answer based on factors put into it. In the case of Spotify’s algorithm, those factors are your most played songs and the way you interact with them, among many other details.

BaRT: Exploitation

Spotify uses a system they call Bandits for Recommendations as Treatments (BaRT). BaRT is an artificial intelligence system that collects information from you, makes recommendations and then collects more information. These processes of recommendation and information collection are organized into two different models: Exploitation, which uses what they already know about you, and Exploration, which recommends a song in order to learn more about you.

BaRT: Exploration

Think of Spotify as a fisherman trying to hook and reel you in. If they know what kind of fish you are, they’ll use the right bait and they’ll catch their fish. However, if you’re a new user, they’ll put something random on the hook and see if you bite into it. All they need is 30 seconds of you on the hook, and they know what kind of fish you are.

Spotify decides whether you like the song or not based on the first 30 seconds of your listening. If you let it play past 30 seconds, you like it. If you cut it off before 30 seconds, they mark it down as a dislike.

Natural Language Processing (NLP)

Another way Spotify makes its recommendations is based on a method of analysis called Natural Language Processing (NLP). It sounds complicated, but it just means they organize songs based on word descriptions of those songs. Is the song calming or energizing? Does it have a lot of guitar? Is it Electronic? Psychedelic? Noisy? Folksy?

Spotify harvests these descriptions by combing through what people are saying about artists and songs on social media, Google searches, blogs, news channels and every other place imaginable. Artists and songs are grouped together based on how people describe them. That’s why if you listen to The Black Keys, you’ll get The White Stripes, but If you listen to Post Malone, you probably won’t get Nekrogoblikon.

Spotify has even thought of a solution for those songs that haven’t yet generated a lot of buzz. With their system, even lesser-known independent artists can gain exposure through recommendations.

story by Wayne Gray | design by Evan Brown

Deep Dive Deep Deep Deep

Raw Audio Processing

So you’re living in your mom’s basement and you’ve finally written the world’s greatest song. You release it on Spotify, but you read the first half of this article so you know Spotify organizes songs based on what people say about it. You begin to worry that Spotify won’t even know your song exists because nobody is talking about your masterpiece.

It’s all good because Spotify also analyzes the raw audio files, and then a neural network, which is basically a big computer brain, organizes the songs by their technical characteristics, things like time signature, tempo, key and volume. While some prefer medium-rare, Spotify listens to your audio files raw.

So there it is. That’s all I have for you. Go listen to some music.

THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BED

story by Jake Hassebrock | photos by Dylan Hanson | design by Annie Tran

Mornings can be tricky. The warmth and comfort of the bed is often far more enticing than the work and responsibility of what the day can hold. But if you hit the snooze button too many times and rush to get yourself out the door, the rest of the day can easily feel just as frantic and unprepared. How you wake up can set the tone for the rest of your day. Here are a few of our tips to start your day on the right foot and in a good mindset.

Buy A Real Alarm Clock

Do not use your phone as your alarm. If you rely on your phone to wake you up, then the first thing you do in the morn ing is look at your phone, which means you are far more likely to scroll on social media. From a mental perspective, that’s kind of like inviting all of your friends into your room before you’ve even put pants on.

Using an actual alarm clock encourages you to leave the phone off until you’ve properly woken up and prepared yourself for the day. It’s worth the $10 investment.

When you do get a real clock, make sure to place it across the room instead of within reach of your bed. That way, you are forced to get out of bed to turn it off and you are already on your feet, so you might as well keep getting ready instead of hitting snooze.

Make Your Bed

Even if you aren’t typically a tidy person, making your bed in the morning gives you a sense of accomplishment that you can carry throughout the rest of your day. Recognizing the importance of completing even a small task can prove that you are capable of getting things done, which empowers you to go complete your next task.

Also, having a messy living space can cause additional stress throughout the day, even if you do not realize it. Clear ing some of the mess can ease some of the stress because you no longer have to worry about when you eventually will have to make your bed - it’s already done.

Meditate

You don’t have to be religious to engage in mediation. Meditating can be as simple as finding a quiet corner and reflecting on yourself, the day ahead of you, or the previous day. If you are religious, take some time to engage in your spiritual life as you wake up.

Morning meditation can help give a sense of purpose in the day ahead of you as well as letting go of any negativity from the previous day. If nothing else, meditation can serve as a moment of stillness and calm before we engage with the craziness of life.

Eat Breakfast

It admittedly is very easy to skip breakfast. It’s easy to ratio nalize giving yourself a few extra minutes, especially if lunch is only a few hours away. Fight that urge and eat something.

It doesn’t have to be a full English breakfast, just something to get your body’s digestive processes moving and fuel you so that you can survive until lunch without wanting to kill everyone that you work with. A piece of fruit or a granola bar is better than an empty stomach.

Use A Planner

This one takes a bit of preparation ahead of time, but use a

WINTER WANDERING

A guide to some necessary materials to have while commuting in Ellensburg during the winter

You wake up one morning to find that there is a chill in the air that wasn’t there the day before. After fighting off the urge to stay in your bed where it’s nice and warm, you get up and walk to open up the shades.

You peer through your window to find a fresh blanket of ice and snow covering the ground, and while the sight itself is pretty, you can’t help but feel the dread pooling in your stomach. You have things to do today and places to be, how are you going to get anywhere through all this ice and snow?

Traveling in winter weather can be tough, especially if you’re not used to it. Here are some quick tips and tricks on how to get around during Ellensburg’s cold months.

WALKING

If you’re going somewhere closeby or decide that driving in these conditions isn’t for you, here are some things to consider before heading out the door: Wear shoes or boots with good traction.

If you have to choose between sneakers with extra grip or a pair of fuzzy-lined boots with smooth soles, go for the sneakers. A little extra warmth and comfort for your feet isn’t going to do much if you keep slipping and sliding.

Plan to take longer for your walk and leave sooner if you have an appoint ment. You’ll probably be taking smaller steps than normal to decrease your chances of falling and you might have

story by Gabby Kutch | photos by Jakob Burnham | design by Sandra Rivera

DAD TIPS

If you’re planning on leaving your car outside in the cold for long periods of time, make sure the gas tank is full. Filling up the gas tank means that there will be less room in the tank for water condensation to form and mix with the gasoline.

to make detours if certain areas have too much ice or snow.

Keep your hands out of your pockets. While it’s tempting to shove your hands in your pants or jacket to keep them warm, you need them free to break your fall and lessen the impact should you slip.

DRIVING

Before you grab your keys, keep these things in mind if you decide to run some errands or need to drive home through snowy areas for winter break: Beware of black ice. If the temperatures are below freezing and there is a patch of road that looks wet, there is a good chance that it could be black ice. Be ex tra careful if you have to drive over one of these spots as looks can be deceiving.

Never use cruise control when driving on icy roads. Having your car on cruise control can make it harder to know when your car has lost traction, which can be very dangerous.

Use your headlights. Even if it’s not dark or snowing in any way, headlights will increase your visibility and make it easi er for other cars to spot your vehicle.

RIDING THE BUS

Just because you aren’t the one behind the wheel doesn’t mean you can’t be prepared, keep these things in mind before you board the bus:

If you are planning on using an intercity bus, make sure to call ahead of time to make sure there aren’t any changes in time or if the route has been canceled entirely from bad weather.

Expect delays and plan for a longer commute. On top of driving more slowly to avoid accidents, bus drivers may have to alter their routes due to road conditions. There is also a chance of the bus getting stuck, so if you have an appointment of some kind, make sure to have their contact information available beforehand in case you need to contact them.

Having this information handy will help in case you’re stuck in a place with little to no service.

If you need to catch a bus when it’s dark out, make sure you have a flashlight or are wearing reflective material. Driving in the snow at night means low visibil ity, so having something to let the bus driver know you’re there will be helpful to both them and you.

UNCOMMON UTILITIES

If you’re planning on a road trip in winter conditions, it’s best to pack emergency supplies in your car in case you get stuck. While some things like first aid kits, water, and blankets are obvious picks, there are some tools and items you might want to keep with you that you may not have thought of:

Collapsible shovel to clear away snow

Sunglasses, snow can be very bright and reduce visibility

Cat litter can be used on icy roads to help the tires gain traction. Sand and rock salt can also be used.

Tire Chains for when cat litter doesn’t give enough traction

I LOVE YOU, EVEN THOUGH YOU’RE DEPRESSED

story by Elliott Watkins | design by Annie Tran

I don’t brush my teeth. Well, I do, but not regularly. I don’t change my sheets when I should, and I haven’t bought groceries in over a month. There are two cucumbers, three tomatoes, and a carton of eggs that were past “going bad” in mid-September.

Sometimes, after things have gotten really low, I end up having to take my laundry to the laundromat in two full size fitted sheets, because I’ve gone so long unintentionally using my wardrobe as a rug.

That’s just the surface. I suffer from major depressive disorder, and this is my story.

ROUGH TIMELINE

I was 14 years old the first time I was told I should seek professional help. My best friend at the time had an older brother who suffered from seasonal depression.

She told me that she could see the same patterns with me over the previ ous two years around the same time. I

DEPRESSION IS NOT...

Depression is not laziness, or some thing to romanticize. There is absolutely nothing beautiful about the inability to just be. There is this misconception that not being able to get out of bed is the same as the choice of staying in bed.

It doesn’t feel like rest or relax ation when there is nothing that feels worth getting up for. It isn’t “taking a break” or “being lazy”, when existence itself feels too heavy to breathe.

If staying in bed is the most you can do, I am proud of you for keeping yourself warm.

REASONS TO STAY

It really is all about the little things. When I was 20 years old, I hit an all time low. I had never experienced

anything like it, and I hope I never do again. During that time, I started a list of reasons to stay. Here are some of them:

#1 you have forever to be dead

#2 for that comforting feeling when a cat finally allows you to pick them up

#3 life can be beautiful

#4 everything will balance out

#5 new music

#6 orgasms

#7 there is still so much to discover

#8 you are needed

A majority of what is on my list is corny, but I think that sometimes it is important to embrace the corniness.

#25 long hugs

#37 the new car smell

#46 the good butterflies in your stomach

#50 bittersweet goodbyes

#62 holding hands #63 the car wash when the windows get covered in soap and it looks like a soapy rainbow

#69 everything that is worth blushing over

#81 falling asleep to the sound of rain

#87 silence that isn’t awkward

#93 the fall when the leaves start turning yellow and then orange

#94 smiling in the middle of a kiss #117 smelling candles in stores

Most of what is on my list revolves around connection with others. Something that I deal with when I am in a depressive state is self-isolation. There is an overwhelming loneliness that I experience.

It is a kind of vicious cycle of being depressed and not having it in myself to reach out to loved ones while also telling myself that I’m doing the best I can, but still feeling that it isn’t enough. An un fortunate reality of my depression is that it can, and has, made me into someone that can be difficult to be around.

A while back, I lived with two of my closest friends. I had been best friends with one of them since high school, and she knew how my mental illness worked. My other friend had no idea.

She would see my room

and ask how I could let it get that bad or get bothered by me not spending time with her. It was not long after I had started to recover from my worst depression that she went out drinking and texted me, “I love you, even though you’re depressed.”

I had always thought that because I was doing as much as I could it meant that I was a good friend, until this.

I had always tried to be forgiving toward myself, knowing that everything I did was the best I could do, but the words “even though you’re depressed” caught me off guard. It translated to “I love you, but you are a burden.”. When she got back, and she was sober, I asked her about it. Her response was, “Did I stutter?”. I was, again, caught off guard.

I didn’t understand what she meant until I was doing an interview for this story, and it was reframed for me.

“It’s like, the implicit communica tion is I don’t know what it’s like to be depressed. You don’t seem to want me around, and I love you anyway. You seem to be pushing me away, and I love you, despite that,” Associate Professor of Psychology Dr. Meaghan Nolte told me.

From my perspective, as a person with depression, the implications of what my friend meant weren’t loving whatsoever. I have come to understand that the state of mind that I was in wouldn’t have allowed me to believe that I could have been loved unconditionally, which in turn meant that I would have to believe

that it was a statement made to make me aware that I was a burden.

It’s over a year later now, and we are no longer friends. The reality of it all is that depression is like the opposite of rose-colored glasses. Everything becomes gray, and the intentions of friends become skewed. I ended my friendship with her during my last depressive state a few months ago, thinking that I was a burden, clouded by my understanding of what she had meant months prior.

My inability to find the contrast between my depressive perspective and reality has cost me more friendships than I would like to admit.

LOVED ONES

My best advice to those that care about someone with depression is to just be there.

If you can be there for them, that is the best you can do. It can be exhausting, and sometimes stressful to be close to someone in a dark place. It is important to remember that you are only responsi ble for yourself.

You can love someone more than any thing, but it is not your responsibility to make them better. You can’t. Ultimately, only they can do it for themselves.

Advice from Dr. Nolte, Associate Professor of Psychology at CWU and Coordinator of the Mental Health Counseling Program

Try not to compare your depressed self to your healthy self.

“It’s really important for people when they’re dealing with depression to stop comparing themselves to themselves when they’re healthy, or other people, to be kind to themselves. Because, again, it’s a cycle,” Nolte says.

Hold close the important values you have.

“There’s still things that really matter. It could be family. It could be friends, it could be pets, it could be a future career. It could be any number of things, but everybody has some thing that is really important to them, the thing they light up about when they talk.”

Things are still important, even if the importance feels muted.

“If people are able to start looking at the things that excite them, even if that excitement feels muted. Those are probably the keys to that hack, if it’s in an individualized lock. What they think is most important is probably the key for every person,” Nolte says.

DIAL 988

If the weight gets to be too much, and it feels like there are no other options, I promise there are little reasons that still matter and you’re not alone. All you need is one.

Being Mindful of

You

story by Noah Wright | photos by Jakob Burnham | design by Evelyn Perez-Sanchez

Work, life and relationships are just a few examples of a long list of things in our life that can stress us out. While many people just sit around, turn on their TV and lay around, there is some thing else that will help people reduce their stress faster.

Meditation is a great way for some one to relieve their stress and fatigue while also getting more in touch with their body. According to the article “How to Meditate” by Mindful.org, “When we pay attention to our breath, we are learning how to return to, and remain in, the present moment—to anchor ourselves in the here and now on purpose, without judgment.”

While many people hear meditation and think, ‘sitting around and breathing methodically,’ there is so much more that goes into meditation for you to get the best results.

How To Meditate

Meditating is something that you will have to practice and keep trying before you can get good at it. But these steps may give you a simpler layout to help navigate on your journey to mindfulness.

1)

Find the best place for you to be calm. This is something that you will need to figure out for yourself, some people may relax and focus the best in complete silence while others may like open areas where they can hear the sounds of nature.

2)

Set a short timer when you are first beginning your journey. In your first couple attempts it may be best to keep your meditation session to under five minutes until you get used to everything.

3)

Once you have found your desired spot and time to meditate, you can now begin to position yourself. We often see in popular media that meditation is done sitting crosslegged with your hands clasped. But in actuality, the best position to meditate is whatever one will allow you to be present and stable in the moment: sitting in a chair, laying down, kneeling or even standing. Whatever is comfortable for you is what matters.

4)

Start breathing, deeply and slowly, feeling the air go in and out of your diaphragm. When breathing, you should try not to breathe through your lungs but instead your stomach. Notice your stomach fill with air as you breathe in and feel it contract as you breathe out.

5)

While you’re breathing, you may notice that your thoughts will begin to race and your mind will start to wander. When this happens, you should try to bring it back so that you can solely focus on your breathing.

6)

When your time is up, notice what is around you. Take note of how your body feels, what your sur roundings feel like and what your mind feels like.

Meditation is not going to make your life completely stress-free, but it can be a tool to help calm and focus your mind and body in times when you are feeling unwell mentally.

STRETCH MARKS

YOUR BODY AND STRETCH MARKS

Have you ever noticed stretch marks on your body? On your stomach, your arms, your back, your thighs, maybe your breasts? Do you wonder how they’re formed?

There are many ways stretch marks can form, and a multitude of ways you can get rid of them. Learning about stretch marks and how they can be dealt with is important, but it’s not something many people think about until it happens.

Read on for answers to your questions of why some people get stretch marks, different ways they impact people and ways to treat them.

WHY WE HAVE THEM

There is a large stigma surrounding stretch marks that having them is a bad thing and you’re no longer the best self you can be. The media can lead you to believe stretch marks are wrong and you’re wrong for developing them, even if you couldn’t help their development. They appear most often on breasts, stomachs, thighs, knees, calves and the buttocks.

Stretch marks are caused by many things: genetics, sudden weight gain or loss, steroids, pregnancy and hormonal changes. They happen when the middle

layer of skin, the dermis, stretches too far and the skin tries to repair itself. June Bredin, medical director of the Student Wellness Center on campus says stretch marks “can look different in people who are pigmented…and people with darker pigmentation will tend to get keloids which is a different kind of scarring.”

They are still a type of stretch mark, but it is more common to see them on a person of color. Body builders can get them when they use too much testosterone.

WAYS THEY AFFECT PEOPLE

CWU Alumni and former PULSE writer Angelica Bartorelli first noticed her stretch marks when she started puberty as a 9-yearold. She saw them appear on her chest, arms and thighs.

For Erica Georgia, a third year Psychology student, it was around the beginning of 2021 that her stretch marks started to show up. They slowly developed on her thighs and eventually covered the whole back of her leg.

They have both felt self-conscious of them. Bartorelli says “I would be lying if I said no,” since her weight has fluctuated over the years. When she started at Central and gained what she describes as the “Freshman fifteen/freshman twenty” she noticed the stretch marks on her lower back. Later in her senior year when the “college fifteen” became the “college fifty,” and got stretchmarks on her stomach is when she truly got self-conscious of the marks since they became purple or red.

story by Luca Crouch-Goodhue photos by Dylan Hanson design by Evan Brown

For Georgia, at first they were small and faint but now they are “very thick” and “bright purple.” She didn’t get completely selfconscious of them until that summer when someone pointed them out.

She was able to shut down the conversation, but is still selfconscious about them when people make comments.

They have both used creams to reduce the look of the stretch marks with zero results. Bartorelli “was one of those original testers when they first launched that really popular shea butter/cocoa butter brand” and “went as far as purchasing bio-oil.” She found that “none of those over-the-counter methods actually work.” Georgia has also tried the creams, “massaging it [in], do it for weeks at a time, I was using it appropriately, nothing,” she says. They both have a message for anyone who has stretch marks: they are a part of you. Stretch marks are completely natural and normal. No matter how you look now, when you’re older, you are probably going to end up developing them. Bartorelli says that the skin is a unique organ, it adapts, it changes, it grows, it stretches and it’s miraculous and you should be proud of who you are, and if you feel compelled to change that, educate yourself.

Bartorelli urges people to take time to learn about available anti stretch mark products and their potential ramifications: “I would hate for someone to feel so insecure that they do something they regret.”

Georgia says “everybody is different, everyone’s skin color is different, everyone’s shape is different…this is just another part of my body, and I’m not even saying that I’m 100% love, that I’m never self-conscious about them but it definitely gets easier as time passes.”

Georgia leaves off by saying that if you notice stretch marks on someone, don’t point them out unless that person brings it up because it will reinforce that people see and notice them, and it shouldn’t be the first thing you see on somebody.

WAYS TO MAKE THEM DISAPPEAR

The most common ways to get rid of stretch marks are creams, chemical peels, laser therapy and tattooing, which is the newest. Before attempting any of these treatments, be sure to consult a doctor. Creams are the least effective way to get rid of the stretch marks. There are currently no trials that support stretch mark creams’ ability to prevent or reduce the appearance of stretch marks.

According to the Journal of the European Academy of Dermatology and Venereology “only a limited number of topical agents have been evaluated in formal studies.” The Journal also states that “there are many topical products, available commercially on the market, which claim benefits for prevention and/or treatment of [stretch marks], which have not been formally evaluated in any clinical study,” which translates to almost all of the commercial products have not been studied formally. If you go the chemical peeling route, be sure to consult a doctor, as it is a very intense treatment. It can help stimulate new skin growth which can get rid of the stretch marks, but you have to follow a specific care regime for them. Bredin says that laser treatment can be expensive and with low risks, but those risks can include bleeding and tissue damage. If the patient needs to be sedated or anesthetized, that adds even more risk. Laser treatment has been proven to decrease the width of stretch marks and improve skin texture. Tattooing is the newest form of treatment; tattooists use ink that matches your skin tone and trace over the stretch marks. Tattooing is often less expensive than laser treatment.

If planning to follow this route, it is advised you make sure to go to a licensed esthetician and not a regular tattoo artist, unless they advertise that they have done this treatment many times.

Bartotelli’s closing thoughts were that we have to protect ourselves physically, but we have to protect our mental health.

In today’s social media day and age, you see people, and jealousy or desire brew. People have this idea of beauty and what that means.

If we could take all the energy that we put out to other people and other things that don’t matter as much and give it back to ourselves, it would be easier said than done

Bartorelli empathizes with that mental struggle since she remembers feeling like the ugly duckling when she was a kid.

“This is my one life and my one body, I have to look hot within my own means,” Bartorelli says

Stretch marks are a natural occurrence. Whether a person chooses to hide them or show them off, that is their decision.

But as Bartorelli explains, it is important that no matter the decision you love yourself with or without stretch marks.

The Power of Crystals:

Healing, Empowerment and Everything in Between

Most of you have heard about crystals before; small rocks or stones that supposedly have healing powers and help with manifestations. But have you ever been told how to properly use them to their fullest extent or how to charge them, so their power remains strong?

This will be your “How-To” guide on crystals, stones, chakra energy centers and mantras. Mantras are sayings that are vocalized repeatedly. They help you speak your intentions and verbalize your manifestations.

What are Crystals?

Crystals are rocks, minerals or gemstones that grow under the earth’s crust, forming into hard, energy filled objects. Those who use crystals believe we ourselves are made up of energy, which radiates differently from different parts of our bodies. Since crystals and beings like us are made up of the same energy, our mental, emotional and physical well-being can be regulated and helped.

For centuries different cultures have been using crystals and stones to bring wealth and well-being into their lives. Cultures would make jewelry out of these crystals to wear around their necks or wrists to bring prosperity to them and their families. They believed that the “vibration and energy that came from the crystals would interact with their own vibrations and energy,” according to the article “Crystal Healing: What Are Crystals Used For” from the website Angel Grotto. Like the earth, we too have energy fields that surround us and are emitted from our bodies. Some people call this energy your “aura.” Essentially, crystals can cleanse your aura, ridding you of negative energy and feelings that may be clouding or holding you back from reaching your full potential. There are a lot of energy centers in your body that create your aura and they are sometimes referred to as chakras.

itating. Some place crystals in their car to cleanse the air as they are traveling, and others wear crystals as jewelry. The following information contains information from blogger

What Crystals are Used for Which Manifestations?

Lisa Vernoese’s “A Complete Guide to the Best Crystals for each Chakra,” as well as mantras that have been made and used by PULSE writer Abby Snethen.

The Root Chakra- This energy center resembles grounding and stability. It is our base chakra, so when we are feeling un balanced in our lives due to anxiety and depression, we need to heal our root chakra.

The colors that resemble this energy center are red or maroon. A couple of crystals that will help heal your root chakra are “smoky quartz, obsidian, blood stone, and black tourmaline.” Meditate with one of these crystals in your hands resting in your lap while thinking of grounding words. A mantra you can use is I am grounded and have security in everything I do.

The Sacral Chakra- This energy center resembles creativity and passion. This is the main energy center that helps us con trol happiness in our lives.

When this energy center is out of balance, we may feel a lack of joy or pleasure in doing things, along with a “lack of sexual expression and blocked creativity.” The colors that resemble this energy center are yellow and light orange.

A couple of crystals that can help heal your sacral chakra are “carnelian, sunstone, orange jasper and citrine.” Meditate with one of these crystals just below your belly button (meaning you will be laying down for this meditation session). A mantra you can use for the sacral chakra is I am creative, sexually confident, and find happiness in my everyday activities.

The Solar Plexus Chakra- This energy center resembles strength, motivation and power. The solar plexus helps us to “stand in our own power” as well as set and maintain healthy boundaries with individuals around us.

There are thousands of chakras all throughout your body but the main ones are your root chakra (near the tailbone), the sacral chakra (just below the abdomen), the solar plexus chakra (center of your belly), the heart chakra, the throat chakra (in the middle of your throat), your third eye chakra (center of your forehead), and your crown chakra (the top of your head). Each of these energy centers possess different properties that influence your everyday life and actions.

We have these energy centers and different crystals can be placed on different parts of your body. “You don’t have to touch a crystal for its powers to work,” if it is around you, its powers are working, according to the Angel Grotto article on crystal healing.

Some like to place crystals on their body while they are med

When this energy center is off, we may feel angry or allow ourselves to get involved into relationships where we are in a powerless position. The colors that resemble this energy center are bright yellow or light brown.

A couple of crystals that can help heal your solar plexus are “tiger’s eye, pyrite, and yellow jasper.” Meditate with one of these crystals in the center of your ribs (above the belly button but below the chest). A mantra you can use for the solar plexus chakra is I have control of myself and the relationships I am in. I am motivated to create a good life for myself and have the strength to do so.

The Heart Chakra- This energy center “resembles kindness, compassion and love.” The heart chakra helps us love things in every form that they come in. It also allows us to love

Chakras – Energy Centers of the Body

story by Abby Snethen | design by Evelyn Perez-Sanchez

ourselves and show kindness to our own struggles.

When this energy center is off, we may feel emotionally shut down, making it hard to empathize. The colors that resemble this energy center are all shades of green.

A couple of crystals that can help heal your heart chakra are “rose quartz, malachite and rhodochrosite.” Meditate with one of these crystals directly over your heart or in the middle of your chest. A mantra you can use for the heart chakra is I resemble love and empathy and have great relationships with everyone I meet. I emit compassion and kindness everywhere I go.

The Throat Chakra- This energy center resembles “truth, clarity and communication.” The throat chakra helps us communicate in the ways that we need to. It allows us to voice our own opinion and speak our own truth.

When this energy center is off, we may be consumed in “gossip and lies, as well as becoming unable to express ourselves the way we want to.” The colors that resemble this energy center are all shades of blue.

A couple of crystals that can help heal your throat chakra are “lapis lazuli, sodalite, blue kyanite, and amazonite.” Meditate with one of these crystals on your throat or near your mouth. A mantra you can use for the throat chakra is I am able to speak clearly and truthfully. I can communicate my needs and others will listen.

The Third Eye Chakra- This energy center resembles intuition, thought and understanding. The third eye chakra allows us to think clearly and process our own thoughts. When this energy center is off, we may have “headaches followed by brain fog” and an inability to do any deep thinking. The colors that resemble this energy center are indigo and shades of purple.

A couple of crystals that can help heal your third eye chakra are “amethyst, lapis lazuli, labradorite, and lepidolite.” Meditate with one of these crystals on your forehead, specifically between your eyebrows. A mantra you can use for the third eye chakra is I am able to think clearly and make complex decisions. I have a strong intuition and understand what is good for me, and what is not.

The Crown Chakra- This energy center resembles “gratitude, joy, wisdom and spirituality.” The crown chakra allows us to dive deeper into reality while experiencing feelings of joy towards life.

When this energy center is off, we may “feel cut off from life” as well as lack a sense of purpose. The colors that resemble this energy center are white or clear.

A couple of crystals that can help your crown chakra are “selenite, celestite, crystal quartz and moonstone.” Meditate with one of these crystals directly on top of your head. A mantra you can use for the crown chakra is I am spiritually awakened and have wisdom in my spiritual beliefs. I have purpose in life and can show feelings of gratitude towards everything around me.

Now that we have learned what crystals are and which ones are used for what purpose, we need to understand how to cleanse them.

How To Charge Your Crystals

Crystals, like us, can absorb negative energy, which makes them ineffective with their healing properties. Have you ever been in a bad mood because of something someone said and that affected you for the rest of the day?

Crystals work a similar way, but they don’t get over that negative energy, they absorb it. When we cleanse them, we are getting rid of the negative energy that they are carrying. The following methods are recommended in the article “Cleansing your Crystals, How and Why” from the website Health Resonates:

Saltwater Soaks- “Saltwater has always been known for its cleansing properties,” getting rid of negativity as well as healing. If you have access to the ocean or a moving body of water, dunk your crystals in it and allow them to soak for up to a day, or a minimum of two hours. Once they are done soaking, you can just pat them dry with a towel.

Full Moon “Ritual”- “The moon has charging energy,” which is wonderful for your crystals. When a full moon comes, lay your crystals outside or near a window that is in direct light of the moon. Leave them out all night and the next morning, they will be cleansed!

Now that you have learned what crystals are and where they come from, the powers they hold, which ones to use for which energy center in your body and how to cleanse them, you are all good to go. Use your crystals wisely and in the correct manner and happy manifesting!

SPOTLIGHT ON SPORTs:

36 A Year of Wearing the Red Shirt

photos by Dylan Hanson and Jacob Thompson

SPORTs: what’s INSIDE

39 Central Athletes: The Mental Health Grind

45 Is an Injury the End?

48 Day in the Life of an Athlete

Sports are a great way to bring people together. No matter the differences we have in upbringings or ideologies, sports are a pastime that bridges the gaps in our experiences.

This quarter, PULSE has decided to spotlight sports. However, what we are spotlighting in our sports section is not something that can be measured in the win or loss column of the stat sheet. The student-athletes interviewed are not talking about game highlights or memorable plays.

The stories in our sports section are giving an inside look into the competition student-athletes have with themselves.

On page 36, we look into the life of athletes that take a year off from playing in competitions and instead focus on their development as a student-athlete in a different way with the

story A Year Of Wearing The Red Shirt.

On page 39, we introduce a fight that every athlete goes through. When an athlete’s performance is struggling and they can’t seem to get out of a mental rut. We dive into the mental health aspects of playing collegiate sports with the story Central Athletes: A Mental Health Grind.

On page 45, we see the side of athletics that no athlete ever wants to experience. What is it like being an athlete that is injured? Read Is An Injury The End?

Finally for sports look to page 48 to get a look into the life of two athletes and their preparation for a game that brings past and present players together for one grand moment. A Day In The Life Of An Athlete as they prepare for their sport’s Homecoming game.

A YEAR RED

When the passion an athlete has for their sport comes to a crossroads with their ability to succeed on the field, court or track, the choice to redshirt arises as an option Stepping away from competition is a hard decision and can take an abundance of strength and determination.

Those on the outside of collegiate athletics have hardly been given the chance to see into the experiences of redshirt players …until now.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A REDSHIRT PLAYER?

For those less familiar with sports terminology, being a redshirt player is a complex concept. To be a redshirt player means to give up competition for a year to either hone their skills or heal from any injuries they may have, in order to extend an athletes playing eligibility. There are different sports to redshirt in, different positions, and different reasons why an athlete would refrain from competing for a year.

“We always talk about redshirting as trading your worst year for your best year,” says Head Football Coach Christopher Fisk.

FOOTBALL

The concept of redshirting in football is strenuous and considerably demanding. For football players that redshirt, the demands of being a team player, as well as student athlete, are everyday from 5:30 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. making the days long and the reward of gametime obsolete.

Fans don’t see the hard work and dedication that student athletes have for their athletic careers. Fans don’t see what goes into being a successful player off the field.

“Win, lose or draw we measure these student athletes on whether they’re successful on the field and we probably don’t give them enough respect or credit for what they do just to be on the field,” says Fisk.

story by Elliott Watkins photos by Dylan Hanson design by Evan Brown

YEAR OF WEARING RED SHIRT

A similarity between football and volleyball is that redshirt players are most often freshmen. This is because freshmen often require more time to develop collegiate level skills. Both football and volleyball also have four years of eligibility for players.

VOLLEYBALL

Redshirting for volleyball players at CWU starts during the recruitment process, allowing new players to grow as volleyball players. If the redshirt season is successful, then the player is able to continue on as part of the CWU volleyball team.

Redshirting as an upperclassman is only ever done as a way to prevent further injury if a player is injured. If the choice to redshirt is not about an injury the team and players will usually cut ties rather than redshirting someone that has already completed their freshman year.

“Usually how we recruit is based off of balancing classes,” says Head Volleyball Coach Mario Andaya.“If after a couple of years they want to take a break or they are not quite developed then it’s either we are cutting ties a little bit and saying it’s not working out and you want to move on. If they’re injured then for sure. We want to take that medical red shirt and get them back and healthy again,” The only difference between the experiences of redshirt players and the rest of their volleyball team is playtime. The practices and expectations of redshirts are the same as any of the rest of their teammates on the volleyball team, except for playing in matches.

“We try not to make them feel any less of a player or student athlete. Sometimes it’s hard when we are traveling and they’re not, but that is the situation,” says Andaya, “We’ve always treated red shirts as a positive…Redshirting is all about development and creating balance with classes and if they are ready to go after a year of developing we get them for four years.”

CROSS COUNTRY & TRACK

Redshirting in track and cross country is different than in football and volleyball. The concept of redshirting is not as applicable because the recruitment aspires to find athletes who are able to compete from the get go.

This is especially true within the men’s cross country team, as there is a limited roster.

“If we can help it we don’t want any men on the roster who aren’t actively competing. So in general, we never plan to redshirt anybody,” says Coach Kevin Adkisson

Redshirting on these teams is more often than not done during the player’s third year if they are under the assumption that they will be at CWU for five years instead of the original four years. This extends their eligibility, and allows them to finish their academic and athletic careers simultaneously.

“Otherwise a redshirt for us comes as result of an injury if that happens,” says Adkisson.

The redshirt experience on the track and field and cross country teams is still demanding of the student athletes.

Athletes are still expected to practice with teams and be academically eligible, however, the redshirts are able to compete independently in their meets as long as they register for the races/meets separate from their team.

“It’s really nice in our regard when someone has been doing an injury redshirt, because when they are back from the injury it really helps them to be able to do an unattached meet to double check their progress and see that they are coming along and know that they are ready to compete again,” says Adkisson.

COVID-19

Due to COVID-19, “Everybody was forced to redshirt,” Adkisson says. The NCAA allowed an extra year of eligibility to athletes, however, this would still only allow players who had already redshirted, two years of game time if they were on the path to graduate as a fourth year. Meaning they would stay a fifth or a sixth year in order to take advantage of the two redshirt years.

COVID has also made the turnout for teams less substantial.

“We have a smaller roster with some COVID situations over the past year or so,” says Andaya.

THE PLAYER PERSPECTIVE

Scottie Ellsworth, a player on the volleyball team that redshirted last year, shares her experience. “I know that sometimes there is almost a negative stigma around redshirting.”

She explains that for herself, being a redshirt athlete was incredibly positive and very eye-opening. “It gives you a year of getting to work with the team and with the girls and you don’t have to have the added stress of playing the games,” Ellsworth says. “It’s all a year of learning which is super helpful.”

Ellsworth says her year redshirting and getting to experience so much is something invaluable and she wouldn’t change a thing about her decision. She also explains that redshirting helped with the stress and workload associated with being a collegiate athlete. “Redshirting really helped me get a grasp of volleyball and school and how to balance it.”

Rather than being thrown into the deep end of a new environment, Ellsworth says she has a better handle on how to navigate being a collegiate student-athlete thanks to her redshirt year.

In terms of this year, Ellsworth credits a large part of her confidence this year to her redshirting experience. “I think that starting off with that year of experience, it’s much more comfortable because the connections were made that first year and so I feel more connected with the girls.”

We all have mental health struggles in one way or another. But what makes the mental grind different for an athlete?

Early morning practices, hard conditioning workouts, hours of studying film along with

and maintaining a job sounds like a difficult balance to any person. But how come mental health struggles are rarely talked about within the sporting community?

story by Abby Snethen photos by Dylan Hanson design by Makayla Zayic

school

In a survey conducted by PULSE writer Abby Snethen, who is also a student-athlete at CWU, this Fall, almost half of the 56 student athletes surveyed say their sport performance influences their mental health. 58%, more than half of the students polled, say they feel there is not enough mental health support for athletes at Central Washington University.

The stigma of performing well without external struggles getting in the way is a part of it but there is more to it than that. There are a lot of things that impact an athlete’s grind and different experiences that impact how each sport affects their mental health.

A lot of people play some sort of organized sports when they are younger. For some, their parents encourage them to go to summer sports camps or to join their school sports

teams but not everyone sticks with it and plays in college.

Tia Andaya, a senior Sports Medicine major on the volleyball team, knew from a young age that she was going to play in college. “Once I got old enough, I realized I had potential to,” she says. “I grew up idolizing my dad’s players, and I knew I wanted to be a part of something like that.”

A memory that hits close to a lot of student athletes, this dream formed at a young age, often serves as the motivation to pursue higher level athletics. But, along with on-field stress there comes off-field competition.

KAI BRANDT

STIGMAS AROUND MENTAL HEALTH

AND SPORTS

With every sport comes some form of social judgment. Some believe that men can’t cry or show emotion in their sport, and others think women show their emotion too easily.

“There’s a lot of stigmas around the fact that a lot of athletes are tough physically, so people automatically think we are tough mentally,” says Kai Brandt, a junior Public Health major on the women’s rugby team. “People don’t think you can get burnt out. You can struggle with team environments. Everyone thinks teams are the most perfect place to be but in reality, teams do have problems and cliques and gossip, and the environment can be really damaging.” Stigmas are damaging in any environment, because they prevent people from expressing themselves how they want to.

In sports, players suppress their emotions due to the thought that athletes can’t struggle mentally. This can lead to depression and anxiety, which puts more pressure on the player as they feel there is an expectation to perform their best despite the issues they are going through.

Reid Rasmussen, a senior Physical Education and School Health major on the baseball team, says, “The male side [of sports] is very hard at times because we’re supposed to be ‘strong’ and it’s hard to express emotions because you think you are going to get stigmatized for being weak, when you’re actually just going through a rough time.” He explains that although he has supportive parents and

people around him, he still thinks he is going to be called “soft or not strong enough” for expressing how he feels.He explains this applies both on and off the field.

The athlete’s life to Rasmussen is very stressful because, “we have to wake up at 6 a.m. for weights, have class from eight till noon and then have practice from three to six. Then I have two hours to eat dinner and do homework and repeat that five days a week on top of not playing games.”

And while everyone goes through some type of struggle in college – managing their social life, getting assignments turned in on time, working a job –the athlete grind is just a different perspective with all of those activities on top of playing a competitive and time-consuming sport.

THE NEGATIVE IMPACT

Although most of the athletes PULSE interviewed say they love playing their sport, certain areas can impact their lives in a negative way. Lack of a social life along with lack of sleep can take a toll on anyone, especially when engrossed in a team setting.

Morgan Blankership, sophomore Premed Biology major on the women’s team says, “I think I’m just tired all the time because I wake up at 8 a.m. for class, and then I go to training right after class and then after training I go right to work.”

Blankership says being tired can affect her play in practice, which can then negatively affect her mental health. The sacrifice of friendships and family time for a player’s sport

can put a big weight on their shoulders. Lack of a social life makes it harder for the player to escape their sport and find outlets outside of their sport.

Many believe that an important part of creating a healthy mental lifestyle is making a support group; whether that’s friends, family or coaches, a system needs to be in place to provide accurate support for a person.

“I have to make sacrifices so I can’t go out every weekend. I can’t go see friends, I have to limit the time I see my mom and dad, even though I’m 40 minutes from home I see them once a month,” Rasmussen says. “I lose family time, I lose social time, I just have school and baseball sometimes and that creates minimal windows to escape from reality or escape from the sport.”

These athletes solely base their mental health around their sport along with their performance.

“I am an upperclassman now,” Brandt says. “I feel like I always need to be perfect, and I always have to be setting a good example and when I’m having a bad day or practice, I can never show it because people do look up to me.”

This thought creates a never-ending cycle of players having to perform well, while their mental health is deteriorating, which causes their performance to fall, which worsens the players mental health.

SUPPORT FOR ATHLETES: IS THERE ENOUGH?

With every aspect of life, people need support. Whether it comes from friends, family or other external sources, in order to have a healthy mental life everyone needs a strong system of people to help them through their struggles.

However, many athletes say there is not enough support within the athletic community.

“Where’s the support?” Blankership asks. “If someone were to go and say they are mentally ill, coaches just kind of say ‘ok I’ll keep an eye on them.’ I know we have therapists on

campus but that’s not enough for athletes because they only know so much.”

Mental health professionals like on-campus therapists can only help a certain amount. Most people must seek out therapists rather than being easily accessible.

Schools that have more money donated to their athletics program can provide team psychologists, but those schools that have little income suffer.

Andaya transferred from Gonzaga University, a private college, to Central Washington in the Fall of 2021. “I think at other institutions they’re working in the right direction, where there’s money and more resources,” she says. “We don’t bring in as much money as Gonzaga. Athletes have to go out of their way to get help.”

While there is little that can be done about the economic differences, the stigmas around mental health are what makes it hard for students to reach out for help. When this is paired with a lack of knowledge and availability of resources, it can make athletes feel like they are stuck in a lose-lose situation.

“Everyone always says ‘oh you can just go seek help’ but there’s just a big stigma with people wanting to go see help because they feel they’re not strong enough,” Rasmussen says. “When in reality I think it’s just based on the fact that their support group isn’t strong enough.”

RESOURCES AT CWU: WHAT PEOPLE KNOW

Most athletes, when asked if they know how to seek appropriate help within the athletic community, responded with typical sources such as the counseling clinic.

“I have timely care on my phone, I have Laura [Dahlby Nicolai, associate director of athletics for Compliance and Student-Athlete Services] and my friends and coaches and counseling services,” Brandt says. “But not anything super incredibly specific to the athletic department.”

Although the counseling clinic is a great resource, it is not

of athletes think there is NOT enough support for mental health struggles in athletics.

specifically affiliated with the athletic department.

Players stated that they could reach out to their teammates, coaches and family, but when it came to giving an unbiased source that could provide adequate help, they were silent.

“I used to know resources at Gonzaga but here I’ve looked into it and what’s offered just does not sound good. It’s not easily accessible,” Andaya explains.

Rasmussen explains that he knows there are resources around that can help, but like many athletes he couldn’t provide any examples of how and where the athletic department has that help.

Knowing what your resources are may be even more important than using them.

Not everyone wants to seek help or wants to talk about what they are going through, but in those cases where they suddenly need help, they will have no idea where to go or who to turn to. The lack of information about resources in the athletic department is upsetting, specifically for those who severely need that help.

RESOURCES AT CWU: WHAT THERE ACTUALLY IS

According to the Associate Director of Athletics for Compliance and Student-Athlete Services, Laura DahlbyNicolai, besides the student health services and counseling services on campus, “we [athletics] try to set students struggling with mental health up with a case manager at CWU.”

Sara Stubbs, case manager, says “I want to be here for students that are struggling with mental health. My goal is to help students achieve their goals.”

Stubbs explains that case management is a very individualistic resource as each manager is going to have different strategies and methods for helping students along their mental health journey. However, Stubbs did say that all case managers help students schedule counseling, get in contact with professors or other important faculty and act as a support for when students are feeling troubled.

“Mental health isn’t just about going to counseling. There are a lot of ways to support mental health,” Stubbs says. “There is a mindfulness group for students, outdoor pursuits and rentals for those trying to get in touch with nature, SLICE to get in touch with the community. These extra recommendations are not always what we think about when talking about mental health.”

With these extra recommendations in mind, Stubbs has two resources that she advises students to look into.

“Wildcat Care 365 is a great source that is available 24/7 for students to call and get in touch with professional, medical help,” she says. The other is Talk Now, another free counseling service that students can call to talk with mental health professionals.

Both Stubbs and Dahlby-Nicolai explain that they know mental health is vital to a student’s success not only in the classroom or field, but also in life. They explain that the school cares about student mental health and that there are many trained professionals that are available to help students when they are struggling.

Anastacia Conely, a sophomore soccer player majoring in Law and Justice tore her MCL, sprained her PCL and chipped her femur all in one tackle.

“I was praying that it wasn’t like an ACL tear that would take me out for a year. The emotions of not really knowing what I did beat me up the most. I was sitting there praying that it was something like a tweak,”

she says. “It was eating me alive watching my team and not being able to do anything about it. That’s how I’ve felt every day at practice since then.”

Conely didn’t end up needing surgery since the worst part of her injury, the MCL tear, was only a partial tear and it heals naturally. The downside is that even though she’ll be healed enough to start practice, the season is over and won’t pick back up until the first week of January.

Conely’s story is not an unusual one. Have you ever wondered what happens when a student-athlete gets injured and is out for some time?

Injuries are bound to happen when playing a sport, and many do not bat an eye when an athlete goes down because they think ‘it’s part of the game.’ But do you ever stop to wonder what is going through the mind of a player when their season is sidelined by a serious injury?

What happens to their scholarships?

What about the coaches? Do fans of sports stop to think about what a coach feels when one of their players can’t finish out a season?

story by Luca Crouch-Goodhue | photos by Jakob Burnham | design by Sandra Rivera and Makayla Zayic

WHAT HAPPENS TO FINANCIAL AID?

When an athlete gets injured, many worry whether or not they are going to lose their scholarships. But at CWU, the only ways you can lose a scholarship is if you commit a felony, violate a team rule or withdraw from the team. Scholarships can’t be taken away during the school year.

Head football coach Chris Fisk could not think of an example of when or if he would have to pull a scholarship from a student. “Their scholarship is protected from being affected due to injury by the NCAA,” Fisk says. Even an athlete that has been out for over a year still has his scholarship after a devastating injury. Fisk explains that the coaches and CWU are dedicated to keeping the athletes safe.

“Our athletic director would find a way to help them through school,” he says. “Our mission here is about the student-athlete and the development of them as a person.”

WHAT GOES THROUGH ATHLETES’ MINDS?

Quincy Taylor, a sophomore Media and Journalism student on the men’s basketball team, tore his meniscus in his senior year of high school. It was a year ending injury for him that happened at the start of the school year, a few days before Thanksgiving. It wasn’t a new injury for him, he says, “It’s happened to me before, but I’ve been able to maneuver my knee back into the position it should be. Most of the time, I'm able to unlock it, it would hurt for a few days but everything would be normal but this time around when it happened, it wasn't unlocking.”

Taylor had to get surgery to repair his injury. It was his first major surgery since childhood, which he does not remember. “A surgery I actually remember and something like this [that would] keep me away from basketball kinda took a toll on me for a little bit,” Taylor says.

He went into a depressive state thinking about not being able to play basketball, but with a support network of friends and family, he was able to get out of the headspace. When he would play at his previous school in Wyoming, he said “There was certain days I would feel a little iffy about my knee because I hadn't played a full contact game or practice yet.” He felt nervous when going to practices, worrying about whether it would happen again or happen to his other knee. “Fast forward to now, I would say I’m 100% healthy,” Taylor said.

For Conely, one of the harder aspects of the injury was how dependent she ended up being on others.

“The first three weeks of recovery, I couldn’t walk. I was in crutches, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t get in the shower alone. I couldn’t do my everyday life at all,” says Conely.

Both Taylor and Conely worried that they wouldn’t be as good of players once they returned. Taylor didn’t fully trust his knee until he got back into training and still does some of the rehab exercises during practices.

“The biggest thing for granted... you that it could all be a second.

don’t take it

- ANASTASIA CONELY

“A huge part of my mentality was ‘I’m never going to come back and be the same player again,’” says Conely. When a player gets injured, whether they are out for a day, a week, a season or forever, it can be easy for them to fall into their own headspace. Thinking that they’ll never be good enough. As long as they are able to keep communicating with coaches and peers, they should be able to keep playing.

WHAT DO THE COACHES THINK?

Kevin Adkisson, who is the head cross country and track and field coach, says on average, about 30-40% of athletes are injured throughout the year, but that ranges from mild injuries to season ending injuries.

“The cross-country distance people, they’ll wind up with what we call overuse injuries that start small and just snowball gradually,” says Adkisson. However, if they are able to catch the overuse injury soon enough, the athlete won’t have to miss any meets or intense practices.

Brandon Rinta, head coach for men’s basketball, says that about 75% of his athletes end up having an injury that can range from a minor one to being out for the season. And that is “depending on what the injury is,” some players could be out for a couple weeks, while others could see their season ending. Both Adkisson and Rinta say the ways they keep players who are injured from feeling like they aren’t part of the team is having the athletes continue to come to practices and trainings. “If they can cross train, sometimes they’ll ride a bike when the team goes for a run,” says Adkisson.

thing is

you don’t understand be gone in literally

Gameday is an essential day for athletes in any sport. It’s the day that weeks, months, and sometimes even years of preparation come together on a grand scale. All of the practices, trainings, workouts and film sessions culminate in the excitement and adrenaline of competition.

While this long term groundwork is hugely important to succeeding in matches, the shorter term individual preparation on gameday is also crucial to a successful outing on the field. From the amount of sleep they get to what they eat to the music they listen to, the type of day an athlete has before the game even starts can translate to the way they play.

Our PULSE staff had the chance to catch up with two CWU athletes prior to their games on Homecoming weekend. CWU football team redshirt sophomore quarterback Quincy Glasper and women’s soccer team senior defender Maci Parke walked us through their typical game day process.

story by Jake Hassebrock & Milenne Quinonez photos by Dylan Hanson and Jacob Thompson design by Evan Brown

For quarterback Glasper, gameday is a source of pure excitement. “It’s very hard to not get anxious and want to go out and just get all amped up because it’s game day,” Glasper says. “So I like to do a lot of stuff that keeps me busy and just keeps my mind going real slow.” One of the things that helps Glasper manage his energy and excitement throughout the day is music, which he says is essential. “I gotta have my music on game day. If I ain’t got no music, Imma go crazy. I need my music,” he says.

8:30 a.m. Glasper starts the earlier parts of the day with upbeat music which he continues through the middle of the day. Around noon, Glasper says he even amps things up by letting the music get loud, playing it through a speaker to elevate his mood even more.

2 p.m. Around 2 p.m. Glasper joins the rest of the football team in the SURC for team lunch. Due to what he describes as a high metabolism, Glasper is able to take a more liberal approach to his game day nutrition.“People might call me crazy, but I’m a real big candy dude. Like, I’m gonna eat a pack of Starburst. I’m going to eat some Skittles,” Glasper says. Glasper explains that the sugary snacks are comforting to him and are like his music in that they help him relax for the game ahead of him. He also noted having a full stomach and a bit of sugar in him gives him energy and puts him in a good mood. In addition to taking the time to eat and fuel their bodies for the game, Glasper and the rest of the team use the group meal as an

opportunity to socialize with each other prior to the evening game. Glasper says he appreciates the time to catch up with his teammates on gameday. “I get to chop it up with all the guys, see where everybody’s head is at,” says Glasper. “I really enjoy that because it… gives us a little bit of time just to talk with one another, see what we’re all feeling.” Glasper’s teammates aren’t the only ones he talks to on game day. One of Glasper’s favorite game day traditions is one he has kept with his mom since he began playing at CWU. The two exchange a simple text message: a black and a red heart emoji. Glasper says the message gets him in the gameday mood. “As soon as she sends those texts, I send mine back and like, I’m locked in, it’s game day now.”

3 p.m

After lunch, the team moves to Tomlinson stadium where they do a walkthrough on the field before the players have some more time on their own to prepare and study the playbook before pregame warmups.

At this point, Glasper changes the genre of music to slower R&B music. He says the mellow tunes ease his nerves before taking the field and help him prepare for the chaos that football brings. “You know it’s gonna be hectic out there. It’s football so you know that. So I gotta just calm my nerves down. I play that slow music,” says Glasper. 4:30 p.m.

When the time comes and Glasper steps back out on the field, there are a few key places that he draws motivation and energy from. One of those sources is his teammates. A key factor about the team that Glasper noted is the bond and togetherness they share. From the offensive linemen who protect him on the field, to the defensive players he doesn’t spend much time with during the week, Glasper describes a mutual respect and work ethic across the whole team. “It just motivates me to work harder,” Glasper says. “That’s why I say it’s like Central’s so cool cause it’s such a brotherhood. It’s like you wanna play with these dudes.”

6 p.m.

When Glasper steps into the lights of the stadium, in addition to everything else, he is motivated by his love for the game of football. He knows that his time as a player is finite, so he makes sure to soak in the moment as much as possible. “It’s just so surreal. It’s almost like a movie,” says Glasper. “I run through the tunnel, I hear the band playing, I see the fans. It’s just like, there’s no other place you’d want to be.”

On Oct. 15 the Wildcats beat Midwestern State 17-10 to win on Homecoming night.

Quincy Glasper’s Gameday Schedule:

Maci Parke’s Gameday Schedule:

It is a crisp Saturday autumn morning, the sun is rising, and students sleep soundly in their warm beds enjoying the week end. But not Maci Parke, she is wide awake and preparing for a long day ahead of her. Parke is a senior Clinical Physiology major and Strength and Conditioning minor. In addition to being a student, she also plays centerback for CWU’s women’s soccer team. “I just wake up everyday knowing I want to go out with a good last year, so that really motivates me to keep grinding and pushing it out for my team and myself,” Parke says.. The following is a snapshot of an athlete before they set foot on the gameday field, an athlete preparing for a day over 17 years in the making.

7:30 a.m.

Parke begins her day drinking a glass of homemade iced coffee and watching “New Girl” with her roommates. Typically, on game days she enjoys avocado toast with a fried egg on top and yogurt with berries. Then she starts getting ready by doing a little bit of makeup and having her hair braided by her room mate, who offers to help on big days. Parke decides to go with two braids at the top of her head, finished in a ponytail. “Normally I don’t do anything with my hair, just a regular old ponytail, but my roommate is actually really good at hair so every once in a while, I spice it up with a couple braids,” Parke says.

9:45 a.m.

As Parke makes her way to the training room there is always one song she enjoys during her short drive. Just before she arrives, her favorite part of the song “Right Round” by Flo Rida plays, motivating her the rest of the day. Upon arriving, her trainer immediately checks her hips to make sure they are aligned properly. After this is done she puts on a pair of NormaTec pants which compress her legs and release slowly, the graduated pressure is soothing, relaxing and calming. Once they are taken off, she describes a light, weightless feeling in the legs. “It compresses all the way up, like super tight, where you can feel my thighs just pinched all the way then it will re lease slowly and just goes back and forth… they help the blood flow and make my legs feel less heavy,” Parke explains. During this process, Parke laughs with her teammates as they goof around to shake off the game day jitters. Parke admits during warmups and the beginning of each game she gets nervous, even after years of playing. “When we are doing the national anthem, I get really nervous. But the first time I touch the ball, all my nerves go away,” Parke says. “It’s kind of crazy.”

10:30 a.m.

After a couple of hours of training, Parke enjoys special mo ments with her team celebrating her and the other graduating seniors. The team decorated their locker rooms and the stadi um, and families gifted them banners.. “It’s just a bittersweet moment because it’s crazy I’ve been doing this for 17 years, and

just thinking these are my last few times I step on the soccer field with a purpose,” Parke says. Although playing a sport can be fun, being an athlete comes with its ups and downs. Parke recalls having a hard time one quarter, when some of her close friends were no longer a part of the team but her team was there for her. “It was hard to navigate my team...without them [former teammates] there, but now the girls that came in, the freshman and everyone that came in and the transfers, really built that relationship and the culture on our team back up. It felt like home again,” Parke says. The team relies on one anoth er to get through hard times. They share a lot of great moments with one another, like carving pumpkins, giving each other boo baskets and cooking together. “Even just the ones that I’m not as close with, if I know they are going through a hard time, we all just have each other’s back and make sure to reiterate that,” Parke says. “After every practice we also have a thankfulness minute where we all just talk about what we are thankful for.”

11 a.m.

An hour before the game, Parke and the team meet at the stadium to warm up. Parke says she likes to sit by herself to think about all the things she needs to work on and spend time focusing on them. “I take a little walk by myself and say out loud – to kind of manifest in a way – to play smart, be aggres sive,” Parke says.

Game time approaches

After playing soccer for so long, this game will be the last home game she plays at the CWU stadium, closing a big chapter of her life.“I never thought I would make it four years through college soccer and 17 years total, and I never stopped grinding and I just kept focusing on the end goal which was to make it to college soccer,” Parke says. “And I did that.”

story by Mikko Blais photos by Dylan Hanson design and illustration by Rody Farr

It’s a Saturday morning and in a couple hours you have lunch with some friends. But there is a huge problem, you’re ripping clothes out of your closet and yet you can’t find anything to wear.

Your room now looks like a wasteland with things thrown around and clothes draped over every piece of furniture and appliance. But just as you are about to give up hope on finding a good outfit, you see two shirts overlapped on the ground and think, “wait, that would be beautiful.”

It’s with this idea that you grab a pair of scissors, rummage through your drawers for thread and start your first upcycling project. A project that will open your eyes to a whole new world of fashion and style.

Upcycling is an innovative way to revamp your style on a budget. From making entirely new outfits to simply altering your favorite pair of shorts, the possibilities are limitless.

If you like thrifting and upgrading your fashion expertise, upcycling just might be for you. But beyond style, upcycling has an incredibly lasting effect on the world around us.

Andrea Eklund a CWU professor and Program Coordinator of the Apparel, Textiles and Marketing program, explains that “Taking something that would otherwise be thrown in the garbage or not sued anymore, and reusing it in a different way.”

Eklund says she enjoys many things about upcycling, but explains her favorite part is its capacity to communicate individuality.

“When you upcycle you are putting a personal spin on it. It is what you like, it is your vision and seeing that vision come to life is really cool.”

Eklund explains that even when you thrift, the clothes still find their way into dumps and landfills. But with upcycling those clothes are always becoming something new and therefore never even come close to becoming garbage.

“Thrifting is just going to a thrift store and buying something, Upcycling is more like you’re redesigning something,” Eklund says.

Eklund explains that upcycling is something that is talked about in her department and that some students do upcycling as projects.

“I had a student, he designed his entire line, he went and found old men’s suits and he cut them up and redesigned them into all new clothing. So he used all the fabric within all his designs,” Eklund says.

Eklund also explained this is something that many students do: take old garments and cut them up to use the pieces for something new. She says that students are taught to look for ways to use material and be resourceful and eliminate waste.

Ashley Castro, a CWU Senior and Apparel, Textile and Marketing major, says her favorite thing about upcycling is being able to achieve a strong personal style.

“Making it [clothes] your own, understanding that no one else can have that same style but you,” Castro says.

Castro explains that people tend to follow trends but upcycling allows for people to personalize their wardrobes even more.

“People are really intimidated by it and people think you need to do a big project but it can really be anything you want,” Castro says.

Castro says extensive experience or

10%

1.2 billion tonnes of carbon emissions are released by the fashion industry every year.

research has predicted the fashion industry could account for 26% of carbon emissions by 2050.

The fashion industry is the second-largest industrial polluter, accounting for 10% of global pollution, ranking higher than emissions from air travel

92 Million Tonnes of Textiles Waste is Produced Every Year

2.6 Million Tonnes of Returned Clothes Ended Up in Landfills in 2020 in the U.S. Alone

Research has shown that extending the lifecycle of an item of clothing by nine months can drastically reduce its carbon footprint.

The Average U.S. Consumer Throws Away 81.5lbs of Clothes Every Year

Fast Fashion’s Carbon Footprint - The Carbon Literacy Project

Eklund ehoces a similar point, “Anyone can do it no matter your skill set, there are a million techniques.” But she does explain that there are times when the final product won’t always turn out the way it was planned.

“They have this vision and they found something and ripped it apart and the fabric wasn’t what they thought it would be.”

She says that even though problems can occur, it is important to see the failures as learning opportunities.

“A big part of our program is yes, you’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to have things go wrong, what did you learn from it and how can you make a different choice going forward,” she says.

This learning mindset is something that she urges people to have when they are trying to upcycle themselves, because there are always going to be opportunities to make something new.

Castro says those new to upcyclnig should give themselves some margin for eroor when selecting materials to work with.

“Personally, I always like to go one size higher that way there’s a bit more room to really explore what you can do with it.”

She adds that something to think about implementing are patterns.

“Patterns are really good too, especially when it’s a dress and it’s a bit more of an older style or trend that’s not very in right now,” Castro says.

“You can make it modernized, which I really like. So patterns, sizes, and the overall look you’re going for.”

Eklund advises that when you’re ready to upcycle, it is easiest to start by looking at old and tattered pieces of clothing and trying to find ways to improve and make them wearable again.

The ugly truth is that many people believe that society doesn’t allow for diverse bodies to have a space to exist. Some even choose surgery in order to attain the physical appearence they believe will be apprecitaed by those around them.

Bodies go in and out of fashion, making the social standards impossible to keep up with. And with people feeling like their value is directly tied to their degree of attractiveness,women specifically are not able to separate their fatness from their careers, relationships, and healthcare.

Department Chair for Sociology and Women, Gender, and Sexuality Professor Pamela McMullinMessier says,

TheBody Commodity

story by Elliott Watkins photos by Dylan Hanson design by Rody Farr

FASHION ACCESSIBILITY

Part of the issue is inaccessibility to affordable and fashionable clothing for fat women. Even Torrid, an exclusively fat brand of clothing, is starting to use straight size models without stomach fat.

The lacking representation suggests that these people are not worth being seen by society. This translates to individuals that they should be wearing as much coverage as possible, and to show off one’s body means that they’ve earned it through being thin.

Professor of Apparel, Textiles and Merchandising Andrea Eklund says, I remember growing up, I never would wear shorts. I didn’t want to show my legs because I was heavier.”

Eklund says to everyone “Wear the f*cking shorts.” She urges people to wear whatever makes them happy, no matter what others think.

Eklund also says, “ If it’s not you, you don’t need to comment on it. Be happy that they are happy in their bodies and that they’re wearing something that they love that makes them feel good.”

FATNESS IN MEDIA

In a world where trends are fleeting as ever, it is worth questioning the ways in which bodies go in and out of style. Where slim bodies with little to no “figure” were once celebrated in the 90’s and early 00’s, the term “slim-thick” was coined in the 2010’s creating a new body standard in the eyes of our culture and media.

As we have entered the 2020’s, the thickness and curvature of women’s bodies have started to go out of style. What was once the era of the Brazilian Butt Lift (BBL), is no longer.

The Kardashians have made this clear recently, as they’ve gotten theirs removed. This is not to say that all thickness and all curvature has been accepted, but the minuscule ways in which it was accepted are now becoming less trendy.

This change in discourse about diverse bodies has only marginalized diverse bodied people even further than before. What is really harmful are the ways in which the media portrays people with different bodies.

Fat women are not shown respect on screen, and they deal with similar, if not identical, issues off screen. The implications of media portrayals have perpetuated stigmas in our society that still resist abolition.

HISTORY LESSON

According to Sabrina Strings’ “Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fatphobia,” recommended by Natashia Lindsey, assistant professor of Theater and Africana/Black Studies, “In the United States, fatness became stigmatized as both black and fat, and by the early twentieth century, slenderness was increasingly promoted in the popular media as the correct embodiment for white angels and protestant women. It is not until after these associations were already in place, that the medical establishment began its concerted effort to combat excess fat tissue as a major public health initiative.”

A common pattern in history, postpandemics, are eugenics movements according to Laura I Appleman’s paper “Pandemic Eugenics: Discrimination, Disability, & Detention During COVID-19.”

The core of eugenics is an ideology of survival of the fittest, completely stripping diverse demographics of personhood and value.

Appleman explains that “Our society has isolated a class of “unfit” and “unvalued” people, whose lives and dignity are treated as less worthy than others.”

We can see this today as the influencers in media and the trends making waves across our society are based on the perceived fitness, health and

“cleanliness” of individuals.

Not only do body type trends affect the ways we see ourselves, but they also affect the ways in which medical professionals treat patients. Too often medical professionals are less than empathetic with patients of heavier weights.

There is a very harmful misunderstanding across the medical field that fat people with health issues are causing their issues simply by being fat.

McMullin-Messier says, “That’s all that they see in my chart when I would go for any type of medical assistance. It was just immediately talking about my weight and immediately talking about that I needed to lose weight.”

McMullin-Messier explains that people have stopped seeing her weight as an ‘issue’ and have since taken consideration for her problems. But she urges people to be strong saying, “ You deserve help. You deserve people to take you seriously, and not dismiss you, and it’s a very tough thing to do within our society.”

RELATIONSHIPS

Something that is common among the experiences of fat women is being the secret romantic interest, or even the butt of jokes made by guys that think fat and disgusting are synonymous. Fatness is a taboo in the world of dating.

Lindsey says “I cannot remember a single person wanting to date me openly until my partner, who I’ve been with now for eight years. I remember in high school someone coming over to me during lunch, and was like, ‘Do you want to go out sometime?’ and then I hear a couple of tables over his friends laughing because it’s a joke.”

Not only are romantic relationships challenging for fat women, but friendships and familial relationships can be difficult as well. While the pain of criticism from strangers and potential partners may sting, the real kicker is from those that are supposed to love you the most, family and friends.

“When we hear it from the people that we love who say, ‘I’m just saying this to you because I love you…’, that, ‘you’d be so much prettier if…’, you know, ‘your life would be so much easier if…’ It’s just that internalization,” McMullin-Messier says. McMullin-Messier explains that even though there are constant portrayals of skinny being the right body type in advertisements and media, when it comes from those who are supposed to love you unconditionally it feels worse. “If it’s getting reflected back to us by the people around us, who tell us there’s something wrong with us, we internalize that in a very different way,” saysMcMullin-Messier.

HOW TO BE BETTER

Lindsey has an important message for people when it comes to how we can stop fatphobia.

“That requires us to hold each other accountable and create brave spaces as we unlearn this as individuals and make better and stronger communities,” says Lindsey.

LGBTQ + FASHION

According to Satorial Magazine’s A History of Queer Fashion, Oscar Wilde wore a green carnation on his lapel to symbolize his queerness in the 1890s. Once this was known, the green carnation became a secret symbol to identify oneself to others and is something that would eventually spread through Queer fashion.

Fashion has been used not only for people in the community to express themselves, but to separate themselves from others.

Sartorial magazine also talks about members of the LGBTQ+ community using certain accessories or style to communicate to one another of their sexuality; it is a way for the in-crowd to signal one another without the rest of the world knowing.

According to Queer Cafe, a website about Queer history, individuals in the 1970s used different colored bandanas to signal sexual preference.

Hope Pringle, a Theater major with a focus in costume design and a minor in Apparel Design, has known since she was a child that she wanted to become a fashion designer, being introduced to the industry through her grandmother teaching her how to sew quilts. Pringle says cosplay sparked her interest even more and is how she got into creating costumes. She talks about coming into her own identity and how fashion played a huge role in it.

“I realized I tend to prefer femininity in a masculine way, so think fashion icons of the past like Marlene Deietrich, where you have very feminine, very beautiful traditional Hollywood Starlit but she’s wearing a well fitted tail coat and suit,” Pringle says .

Pringle explains that she uses fashion as an outlet to help herself stand out. “I have bright red lipstick on, I know I’m hot, keep your eyes over here. It’s also kind of a way to signal to others,” Pringle says.

Attaci Herbert is a junior majoring in Art with a focus in photography who recently began to use fashion as a form of identity and expression, mentioning how growing up they were not able to explore their identity as much as they could.

Herbert remembers their style being more tomboy-like and stealing their dad’s flannels to feel more comfortable, it was until after Herbert moved out that they were able to find their sense of style. “I recently realized that I am gender queer, which just means I dont really conform to the binary of male or female, there is many different genders and I’m also a demi girl which also means I identify partially as female,” Herbert says.

After getting a sense of who they were, Herbert was then able to wear clothing that more accurately aligned with that identity. Herbert uses their fashion to defy traditionally gendered clothing by wearing rings, eclectic earrings, chokers and other things people would associate with being more masculine like a button up suit, or a blazer.

story by Milenne Quinonez photos by Jakob Burnham design by Makayla Zayic

HOPE PRINGLE

“FLAGS

- JESSICA BERKEY

“The chokers came a lot recently after I got my first choker it had the lesbian flag in it, wearing that made me feel super valid in my identity, it was like a small thing but to me it meant the world,” Herbert says.

According to Matthew Solomon, a writer for the human rights organization Outright International, “Flags have always been an integral part of the LGBTIQ community. They are a visible representation of identity that people use in celebration, in protest, or even as a casual adornment.”

Currently, Outright International recognizes that there are a total of 12 different official pride flags.

Jessica Berkey, a sophomore majoring in Physics, describes her sense of style as being very gender neutral. Berkey says she enjoys wearing things that don’t match and have bold patterns. But no matter what she wears, she always includes the same hat and bow tie.

“I THINK THAT FASHION IS IMPORTANT, IT’S LIKE REALLY AN UNDERRATED TOOL IN FITTING IN OR STANDING OUT- IT WILL INFORM SO MUCH ABOUT HOW SOMEONE INTERACTS WITH YOU,”

These two pieces of clothing have become a part of her everyday style since middle school, and anyone who has known her for a long time can identify her from her accessories. Berkey occasionally enjoys wearing more masculine clothing by pairing a suit with her bow tie, and enjoys when others perceive her more masculine since she is gender fluid and depending on her mood her clothes represent that.

“I think that fashion is so important, it’s like really an underrated tool in fitting in or standing out- it will inform so much about how someone interacts with you,” Berkey says.

Isaac Olson, a junior double majoring in Musical Theatre and Sociology, struggled with body positivity and now uses clothes to reclaim his body and his confidence. Olson grew up in a small conservative town and didn’t have the space to fully express himself. He finally began to feel comfortable in his body and sense of style when he attended CWU.

IS SO REALLY IN STANDING SOMEONE

“While I am male presenting, I do typically wear feminine clothes or I shop in the feminine section. A lot of my clothing I wear a lot of crop tops or I really enjoy mesh shirts,” says Olson. Olson usually enjoys wearing makeup like eyeshadow and false lashes. When he goes out, he enjoys dressing up and showing people that gender is fluid, that people can dress how they want. “A lot of what I’ve been doing with my style and a lot of what I’ve been doing with my social media presence is just breaking down gender boundaries and showing how much of a social construct gender is.”

Defining your sense of style is an important part of who we are, our styles are constantly changing to fit our identity and how we want others to perceive us, which is why fashion plays a key role in the LGBTQ+ community. Their style is a way to show the world they are comfortable in their own identity.

A simple

For the winter

story by Noah Wright | design by Annie Tran | photos by Noah Wright

STEP FIVE:

Following this most recent single stitch, you will need to make two double stitches into the same stitch you just worked. This means that this single stitch will now also include two double stitches as well.

STEP SIX:

Next, you will repeat the process you just did for the remainder of the section until you reach the last stitch. As this will be the pattern of your blanket, you may be interested in using different hooks to change the size of the holes.

STEP SEVEN:

When you are three stitches from the last stitch, single crochet into it to complete your row.

STEP EIGHT:

Starting from the second row, you will stitch by making chains of threes until you reach the end of the blanket. This will give you room to work and make your first double stitch..

STEP NINE:

After making three stitches, turn around and make one double crochet into the first stitch.

STEP 10:

Following this double, skip over two stitches and make a single stitch.

STEP 11:

In the same stitch you just singled, make two double stitches in a similar manner as before.

STEP 12:

Continue this process again until you are three stitches from the end of this row.

STEP 13: You will continue to complete the same processes as before until you have created a length of you liking.

STEP 14:

To finish, cut the yarn from the roll and make one last single stitch. But instead of making a loop you will pull the yarn all the way through and tighten the knot. Then pull the remaining yarn from the knot through the loops of the last row or make another knot at the corner and secure by tugging slightly so that it won’t come undone.

Like many conflicts before it, the licorice war is not without its casualties. Families have been torn apart. Divorces have been filed. Friendships have been lost. The line in the sand has been drawn, and this line you do not cross.

At Pulse, we have been in the trenches at the battle of the licorice. Both sides have fought bravely, but there can be only one victor. We enlisted your help to determine a champion. l All of you who assisted in this effort should be proud of what you’ve done. I nearly shed a tear.

For clarity’s sake, when we say “licorice” we’re not talking about “real” licorice, we’re talking about the classic red twist type of licorice. The kind you get at the concession stands before going into a movie. The type that we grant the title of licorice despite it being a lie.

During our rigorously scientific approach, we discovered there are basically two kinds of people: Twizzler people and Red Vines people.

In an Instagram poll conducted by Pulse, out of 43 responses, 77% preferred Red Vines, and 23% preferred Twizzlers.

During an in-person survey conducted by our staff, we took great care to carefully record participants’ preferences.

they couldn’t.

According to the American Licorice Company, Red Vines used to be raspberry flavored, until the 1950s, but now the candy company doesn’t specify what flavors they use in the current formula. According to Hershey’s, the maker of Twizzlers, they offer a variety of flavors, with strawberry-flavored twists being their most popular.

Participants in Pulse’s in-person survey who preferred Red Vines listed a softer texture, more sweetness, a unique “red” flavor, nostalgia, memories of childhood or movie theaters and brand loyalty as factors in their preference. Participants who didn’t like Red Vines most commonly referred to the candy’s soft texture as “grainy” or “clay-like,” and some considered them too sweet.

Out of 62 responses, 72% preferred Red Vines, and 28% preferred Twizzlers.

But what makes a Twizzler a Twizzler or a Red Vine a Red Vine? And why do we prefer one over the other? We asked and you answered. When asked to detail their preferences, participants noted flavor, texture, sweetness, appearance, color and even shininess. Interestingly, many noted flavor as a key factor in their preference, but when asked to name the flavor,

Those who preferred Twizzlers noted a smooth texture, cherry flavor, level of shininess and appearance as factors in their preference. Participants who didn’t like Twizzlers said they were “waxy” or “plasticky” and lacked flavor.

Only a handful of participants liked both Red Vines and Twizzlers, with most participants showing a strong preference for one or the other. Even fewer participants couldn’t tell the difference between the two.

We won’t tell you what we prefer here at Pulse, we’re just here to report the facts. We asked and CWU answered. Now it’s up to you to fight the good fight. Red Vines or Twizzlers?

The choice is yours.

story by Wayne Gray and

Hot Chocolate

story by Noah Wright | design by Annie Tran

With the cold weather of Ellensburg biting at our toes and noses, what better way to warm up than with a nice cup of hot chocolate. But CWU students are anything but ordinary, so normal hot chocolate won’t cut it to satisfy the cold we experience in Ellensburg. But what about a green hot chocolate, or an extremely rich hot chocolate or a pink hot chocolate? In this story, you will see three hot chocolate recipes that will not only bring you warmth but will also bring eyes delight and joy.

Matcha White Hot Chocolate

https://www.loveandlemons.com/mat cha-white-hot-chocolate/

Ingredients

¼ cup white chocolate chips

2 cups unsweetened almond milk

2 teaspoons AIYA cooking grade matcha

1 cup hot water

Instructions:

In a medium saucepan or bowl over boiling water, heat milk on medium high until it is warm to the touch and beginning to steam.

Once warm, add in your cocoa powder, sugar and Nutella and stir until dissolved and completely combined. Once combined, continue to stir gently until the mixture begins to simmer.

Once simmering, turn off the heat and let the hot chocolate rest for one to two minutes and then serve in mugs with your choice of toppings.

Unicorn Hot Chocolate

https://www.favfamilyrecipes.com/uni corn-hot-chocolate-recipe/

Ingredients:

1 cup white chocolate chips I like Ghiradelli brand

2 cups half-and-half

2 cups milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract food coloring of your choice whipped cream to taste sprinkles for garnish

Instructions

In a small pot, or a metal bowl over boiling water, melt white chocolate chips.

When chocolate starts becoming gooier, add in ½ cup of the almond milk. Stir the mixture until it becomes smooth and silky. Once silky, add in the remaining almond milk and set aside to rest.

While the chocolate mixture rests, sift your matcha into 1 cup of hot water and stir until combined and foamy.

Once mixed, add the matcha into your almond/chocolate mixture to create your hot chocolate.

Pour the liquid into mugs and top with your choice of toppings.

Nutella Hot Chocolate

https://cafedelites.com/nutella-hot-chocolate/

Ingredients:

4 cups low fat/skim milk

2 tablespoons Nutella

2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

2 tablespoons sugar

Optional Toppings: Marshmallows

Crushed hazelnuts Chocolate chips Extra Nutella

Instructions

In a medium saucepan or pot heat your white chocolate chip, milk and half-and-half on medium heat. Stir consistently until warm to the touch

Once warm, add in your vanilla extract and your food coloring and mix till fully combined.

Continue to heat until hot, but not boiling.

Once the temperature of your desire, remove from heat and let rest for one to two minutes then serve in mugs with whip cream and sprinkles to top it off.

A TASTE OF TAPIOCA

story by Gabby Kutch | photos by Jakob Burnham | design by Sandra Rivera

A look into bubble tea and what hot bubble tea people are drinking

Bubble tea has been making waves all across the internet, from new tea shops popping up around towns, to the many reviews and recipes found all over social media. You’d struggle to find someone who doesn’t know about this viral drink. The sheer amount of bubble tea-themed plushies, charms and other knick-knacks shows just how popular the drink has become.

But what exactly is bubble tea?

Bubble tea is a Taiwanese drink that is traditionally made with black tea, milk, ice and black tapioca pearls known as boba. As the drink became more popular, tea shops began to offer more

variety to customize the drinks: offering many flavors of tea, adding different types of boba, jellies, pudding and even substituting milk tea for smoothies.

This delicious drink has become quite popular over the last few years, so it may surprise you to find out that bubble tea has been around for quite a long time.

According to the article “A Brief History of Boba” by Priya Krishna, bubble tea was created in Taiwan around the 1980s and became well-liked across Taiwan and East Asia. The boba tea craze then spread to America during the 1990s when many Taiwanese people

immigrated to the US.

Now, thanks to social media, the already well-known drink has exploded in popularity becoming a viral and trendy drink all over the world. Bubble tea fever has even made its way to Ellensburg through tea shops and drinks menus in restaurants, becoming a fast favorite for many CWU students.

With its cool, refreshing tastes, fun chewy textures, wide variety of customization and combinations and simple yet appealing look, it’s no wonder that this tapioca treat has become such a hit.

Instagram Poll Results

According to Ronnika Rath, CWU student and part-time manager at local tea shop Young T and Tea, the most pop ular non-seasonal drink they serve is called the Tiger Fresh Milk Brown Sugar Boba. The drink is a brown sugar milk tea with brown sugar syrup drizzled on the side of the cup.

air fryer recipes

Air fryers have become increasingly popular in the past few years. These convenient kitchen appliances provide an oil-free alternative to traditional frying, and their compact size makes them perfect for student housing or any small kitchen space. This quarter at Pulse, we’ve collected a few a few minutes before eating. They’ll be kind of hot.

https://munchygoddess.com/air-fry er-pizza-roll-ups/ https://www.rachelcooks.com/airfryer-french-toast-sticks/ https://diethood.com/air-fryer-buf falo-cauliflower-bites/

Air Fryer French Toast Sticks

Ingredients:

two-thirds cup milk, two tablespoons sugar, one-half teaspoon cinnamon, one-half teaspoon nutmeg, one-half teaspoon cardamom, a pinch of salt, one teaspoon vanilla extract and

cardamom, salt and vanilla extract in a large, shallow bowl.

spiced egg and milk mixture until evenly coated.

spray the inside of the air fryer with a coat of nonstick cooking spray to prevent sticking. Place a single layer of the soon-to-be french toast sticks in the air fryer. Cook for

Check french toast sticks after six minutes. Flip and

Take out with tongs, and let rest before enjoying

the bowl of sauced cauliflower florets. Mix until completely coated.

Step 4: Place half of the prepared cauliflower in an air fryer. Cook at 350 F for 15 minutes or until lightly browned.

Step 5: Remove from the air fryer, set aside and cook the other half of the florets.

Step 6: Let them rest on a plate for a few minutes before enjoying.

Go-juice: A Look at Energy Drinks

In today’s world, it seems like there is always something to do: one more errand, one more movie to watch, one more place to visit. With a never-ending “to-do” list, some people may feel there aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all, while others feel like they are lacking in energy. Either way, it’s no surprise that for many of us energy drinks have become a staple in our daily lives – who wouldn’t want an extra boost of energy during the day?

When it comes to choosing a drink that livens you up, there are a lot of options to choose from and it’s important to know what you’re putting in your body. Understanding the options, the ingredients in them and how they work in your body can be the difference between getting a kickstart or crashing and burning.

story by Jake Hassebrock

WaterIf you find yourself feeling sluggish, your energy problem might actually be a dehydration problem. Drinking 48 to 64 oz. of water a day is a good goal for most people. This equates to six to eight glasses of water or about two rounds through your standard 32 oz. Hydroflask.

A quick (and maybe a little gross) way of checking your hydration level is by paying attention to color on your next trip to the bathroom. Dark yellow urine is usually an indicator of dehydration while a pale yellow or clear stream means you are drinking enough H20. An important factor in choosing an

photos By Dylan Hanson

design by Rody Farr

Coffee and Tea

An important factor in choosing an energy drink is caffeine content. The FDA recommends no more than 400 mg of caffeine a day for most healthy adults. Caffeine amounts can vary, but an average cup of black tea will have about 40 mg of caffeine, which is safely below the 400 mg threshold. Different kinds of teas can have other healthy properties such as black and green teas which contain antioxidants, which prevent cell damage in our bodies, and flavonoids that protect our bodies from everyday toxins.

In terms of caffeine, a plain cup of coffee has 80 to 100 milligrams of caffeine, which is also a safe amount for most adults. However, this does not necessarily mean your favorite coffee order is particularly healthy. Drinks that have multiple shots of espresso can have more caffeine than a normal cup of coffee. Also, many coffee beverages are made with lots of sugar and syrups. A grande frappuccino from Starbucks can have more than 40 grams of sugar!

Red Bull

With 9.8 billion cans sold in 2021, Red Bull is one of the most popular energy drinks around with a brand that is recognized world-wide. How does its beverage stack up? One 8.4 oz. can of the original flavor has 80 mg of caffeine, which is comparable to a cup of coffee. The original Red Bull also contains 27 grams of sugar which is a relatively high amount based on the American Heart Association’s recommended 25-37 grams daily. The added sugar can be avoided with Red Bull’s sugarfree options. Red Bull also contains B vitamins and taurine.

While Red Bull has a similar caffeine content to coffee and can boost energy and focus, it can also boost the risk of heart problems. Studies have shown that Red Bull causes raised heart rate and blood pressure,both of which can lead to future heart problems. Because of this, if you do drink Red Bull, make sure to do so in moderation.

Caffeine & Alcohol

You may want rethink drinking a Jager Bomb during your next trip to the bar. In 2010, the FDA forced companies to stop adding stimulants to alcoholic drinks like Four Loko. The ban was made for good reason: combining alcohol and caffeine is a very potent and dangerous combination. When consuming both at the same time, the energetic feeling from caffeine can override the feeling of drunkenness from alcohol. The combo makes you less aware of your intoxication even though your body still experiences impairment from the alcohol. This leads to heavier alcohol consumption and higher rates of drinking and driving among other health risks like heart palpitations.

I’m sitting in Ronald Reagan International Airport watching an American Airline plane slowly coast on the runway. We have 20 minutes till we board and by the end of the day I’ll eventually be back in Ellensburg.

I just spent the last few days attending Media Fest 22 in Washington, DC which is hosted by the Associated Collegiate Press. I’m not a writer or at least in terms of writ ing for a form like this so bare with me. I’m the Director of Photography for PULSE Magazine so you’ve probably already seen some of my work. But an opportunity like the one I had is too grand for me not to share with you the events I experienced while I was away.

story and photos by Dylan Hanson design by Makayla Zayic

After a one way flight, a tight middle seat and about two hours of sleep, I got to Washington, D.C. We all pile into the driver’s car and head to the hotel. I’ll call it the D.C. hotel. The D.C. hotel was great but it was also strange. There were 3 rooms for the 5 of us and each room had a slightly different structure and style. If you said the hotel was haunted I wouldn’t doubt it.

Did we see or hear anything of a supernatural sort? No. The atmosphere of this building was strange though which was heightened by the fact we were coming up on Halloween weekend.

I walked by one room and out of curiosity leaned in when I heard something strange. I heard old opera music playing inside and there was a crack between the trim. I thankfully didn’t look inside out of respect but also for my own goodwill. This hotel however, was good and we were lucky to have it. In the evening there was a cocktail mixer in the Grand Hyatt where the convention was being held so me and another member left before everyone else around 5:30 p.m.. It was at 6 p.m… but we did not get there at that time.

Earlier in the day we had gone to see the Lincoln Memorial, The Washington Mon ument and The World War Two Memorial. On our way back we rented out electric scooters which I liked a little too much.

On our way to the meet and greet, some of us rented out scooters again and headed to the event. It was so much fun riding them that I said, “if we [late] are, this is the best way to be late.” We rode the scooters down and ended up being taken by Google

Maps to The Kennedy Center. We were let inside and found ourselves amidst a softly played violin performance. We asked all the security guards if they knew where the Grand Foyer was? To put this into context, we didn’t know what a Grand Foyer was. I guess it’s an open space in a hotel or something like that. We pronounced it as (GR-AND FOY-ER). It’s pronounced (GR-AND FO-YAY).

We kept people where the Grand Foyer was and in retrospect I wonder if they realized what we were saying but felt too bad to tell us. There was a live show at The Kennedy Center which seemed nice but we knew we were at the wrong place. We took an Uber only to show up to the last 5 minutes of the mixer. I would usually count something like this as a loss but riding these scooters really is bomb.

10/27:

This day was great. I went to a keynote on how to get your foot in the door in the media industry. I met one of the speakers and mentioned I would love to work with him even if that meant cleaning his floors.

He liked that and we shook hands, it was good.

I also saw a sports photography session that was very informative. I’m not really a sports photographer so I wanted to go to see what I didn’t know. I knew about the technical aspects that were being covered but I didn’t know about the stereotypical basketball “armpit” or soccer “head-but” shot. The photographers leading certain seminars could be harsh at times but those were some of the most informative I’ve been to.

10/28:

At 10 in the morning, I went to a seminar on freelancing in the photography industry. It was led by 3 photographers who all freelance for the White House and various established organizations in D.C.

I stayed and talked to one of the photographers afterwards about some of my personal fears in the freelancing world. The idea of working a staff job sounds nic: the security, the breath of air that might come with that.

Freelancing genuinely scares me with it being specifically that you might not know where your next job is coming from. He said to just keep reaching out, basically pester to a degree as all ambitious people should.

He was a good man. I shook his hand and then went to Woodward and Bernstein’s keynote. Going to this keynote was interesting especially to hear these two men who had such a large impact on the United States, with uncovering the WaterGate scandal.

The fact that I was sitting there as these now older men talked on stage was a bit strange but delightful.

10/29:

This was the best day of the trip by far. At 11 a.m. we went to a keynote which had John Quinoz, Roland Martin and Bill Whitaker.

Bill Whitaker was someone I recognized because I remembered scrolling through YouTube as a kid watching his 60 minutes interviews.

I wanted to meet Mr. Whitaker so I came over to his meet and greet section after the keynote. I didn’t want a photo at first but I just wanted to thank him for the inspiring speech.

I let everyone else go in front of me and as the time passed and I got closer, the suspense built in my mind. I started to overthink what I was going to say but decided at the last minute to take a shot.

When I shook his hand we spoke for a second and I thanked him for taking the time to talk to all of his fans with such sincerity. I then asked if I could get a photo of him with our issue of PULSE. He said yes, but once he was done greeting the last two guests.

At this time the event workers were packing up the room,

rolling out tables and folding chairs. It ended up just being Bill Whitaker, another journalist who had been in the industry 20 years longer than I’ve been alive and me. As I listened to their conversation I realized I was in on it, arms folded, with people much more qualified than myself.

After the journalist said goodbye to Mr. Whitaker, we started shooting. I was nervous.

He was flipping through magazines and he ended up on a story

I had done photos for about Female Minorities. He pointed to the first page photo and said “did you take this photo?”.

I said yes and he talked about how much he liked it which surprised me. THIS MADE MY DAY. I’m someone who thought they would be a highschool dropout so to have someone I respected compliment my work meant a lot.