Change Your Attitude...Change Your Life:24/seven by Joan Herrmann

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE...CHANGE YOUR LIFE

24/seven

May 2011

Living Life Every Day

COOK YOURSELF THIN HOW TO DEAL WITH A CONTROL FREAK

In Her Own Words

LITERARY POWERHOUSE DEBBIE MACOMBER

AVOIDING EXERCISE INJURIES

One Simple Act

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24/seven

6 A Critical Spirit Can Keep You Down

IN EVERY ISSUE

From The Editor ……………………. 5

A Choice To Make

Show News …………………….… 24

Food For Thought ………………… 26

How To Deal With A Control Freak

Transformation From The Outside In ……………………….… 31

12 My Life With The Saints Thérèse Of Lisieux: The Little Flower On the cover…

16 Off The Field: Rocky Boiman Finds Lasting Success On The Other Side Of Failure

18 If You Can't Forgive You Can't Dance

20 Get Insane With Shaun T

22 In Her Own Words: Debbie Macomber

Allison Fishman is the author of You Can Trust A Skinny Cook, and a contributor and the TV spokesperson for Cooking Light magazine. Allison was a co-host of Lifetime’s Cook Yourself Thin and TLC’s Home Made Simple. She has worked for Martha Stewart, Food Network, and Atkins as a food stylist, recipe developer, and cookbook editor, and her writing and recipes have appeared magazines such as Fine Cooking, Glamour, Real Simple, and Everyday Food. Allison’s recipe column premieres on page 27.

28 The Art Of Renewal

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FROM THE EDITOR

Live everyday as if it was your last, because one of these days you will be right. - Unknown PUBLISHER/EDITOR Joan Yuppa Herrmann

GRAPHIC DESIGNER Sara Zangara Recently a dear friend passed away after a five-year battle with brain cancer. Ann was a young mother of two teenage girls who had her entire life ahead of her. Her fight began one uneventful day when she experienced a seizure while she was cleaning her house. As I watched the progression of this insidious disease, I often remarked to friends about the fragility of life and how I was going to make the most of each day; how I was going to treasure each day as a gift from God. I meant what I said at the time, but then the realities of life caught up with me and I forgot about the precious gift at hand. Then a few days ago when I went to the salon for a haircut, my stylist and friend recounted the story of his recent health scare. All turned out well, but he told me that he felt like he was reborn and said that he was going to begin his life anew. He remarked that he thought it was a shame that it took a scare to make him appreciate his good fortune. My friend’s comment got me thinking about all the blessings in my life that I take for granted and how I muddle through each day barely conscious of my existence. How about you? When was the last time you stopped long enough to notice the beautiful flowers blooming everywhere? When was the last time you phoned someone with whom you have not spoken in a long time? When was the last time you drove from point A to point B and wondered how you arrived? When was the last time you stopped your chores or work to get on the floor and play with your children? When was the last time you told someone that you loved him/her? We are not guaranteed a tomorrow. Today, the present, is a gift. Today may be all we have. One of my favorite songs is Live Like We’re Dying by Kris Allen. In it he reminds us that, “We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to turn it all around or to throw it all away, we gotta tell’em that we love’em while we got the chance to say, gotta live like we’re dying.” For one day, pretend that there is no tomorrow. Take the next 86,400 seconds and live like you’re dying. What would you do?

CONTRIBUTORS

Chrissy Carew Allison Fishman Steve Goodier Robert Irvine James Martin, SJ Judith Orloff, MD Joel Osteen Jane Ruffo Rudy Ruffo Deb Shapiro Ed Shapiro Shaun T Julia Valentine

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Change Your Attitude...Change Your Life: 24/seven is a free magazine published monthly by Maximilian Communications. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the Publisher. The opinions and views appearing in CYACYL 24/seven are not necessarily the views of the publisher. The publisher is not responsible for products and services advertised. Every effort is made to present the information accurately.

Joan Herrmann

A Critical Spirit Can Keep You Down

By Joel Osteen

have a friend that worked for this well-known minister when he was a young man. One night they were in another city holding a conference. After the service, the two main staff members for this well-known minister invited this young man to come to their hotel room and watch the ballgame and have some snacks. So this young man went over there. They were having a good time just hanging out. But all of the sudden, these two staff members began to talk about their boss. They were so negative and so critical and judgmental toward him. This young man was shocked. Here he was just new on staff. These other two men had been with this minister for over 20 years. When he heard how bad they were talking, something just stirred on the inside that said, "This is not right. You need to go. You need to leave." So he very politely excused himself. He never said anything else about it. But a couple of weeks later, that wellknown minister called these two staff members in and said, "I was praying this morning, and I just feel like you're no longer on board with me, so I'm going to ask you to leave." They were both dismissed. Today, this young man is a very well-known minister. He goes all over the world. But he also said, "I know if I had not left that night, if I would have allowed them to poison

me and become critical and judgmental, I would not be where I am today." Those other two men were just as gifted. They had all kinds of potential. But for years and years, all they've done is flounder around. They've never walked in the fullness of what God has in store. It's because they have this critical spirit. If you want God to promote you in your career and in life, you need to make it a priority to avoid gossip. That also means you shouldn't be nosey. Nosey people are critical people. They want to know all the details and latest scoop, not so they can pray for the person, not because they are genuinely interested, but because they know they'll hear something juicy that will feed their flesh and they can run and tell their friends, "Did you hear what I heard? Did you know what they did? Did you hear the latest?" No, your attitude should be, "I didn't hear and I don't want to hear. I don't want to be poisoned. My ears are not garbage cans to fill with a bunch of trash." If somebody at work is trying to tell you something bad about somebody else, don't sit there and be passive. You might say, "Joel, I couldn't help it. They wanted to tell me." Sure, you can. Just say, "You know what? I just remembered I've got an important appointment. I've got to go to. I'm going to have to excuse myself." If you can't leave, you can say, "Well, you know

instead of talking about this person, why don't we pray for them?" Stay on the offensive. Don't let people poison you. If your friends and co-workers are critical, faultfinders, gossips, backbiters, you need to find some new friends.

Decide to honor God in your conversations and even your thoughts in the workplace. If you want God to promote you, make sure you keep a pure heart and stay away from gossip. God longs to continually bless us and take us higher and higher in all aspects of life, even in our careers; but we have to make sure we're doing our part by keeping our heart pure and our mouth free of gossip and strife. 24/7

Those spirits can rub off on you. You shouldn't go to lunch every day with people from work that sit Joel Osteen is around and pastor of Lakebadmouth the wood Church in company, I would rather be lonely Houston, criticize the –a boss, gossip than allow people … to keep Texas vibrant and and complain. me from my God-given diverse church I know you that Forbes might think destiny. calls the largest that if you and fastestdon't go to growing congregation in America. lunch with them that you may be Joel shares a positive message of hope lonely, but I'd rather be lonely than and encouragement that extends all poisoned. I would rather be lonely around the world. Joel's books, Your than allow people that are not going Best Life Now and Become a Better anywhere in life to keep me from my You, quickly became #1 New York God-given destiny. You might think, Times bestsellers and are distributed "Well, Joel, if I don't go with them, worldwide in several languages. His they may start talking about me." new book is entitled The Christmas No, let me tell you a secret. Most Spirit. If you would like to receive artilikely, they're already talking about cles by Joel Osteen directly to your you! If they'll talk about others in inbox, visit www.joelosteen.com. front of you, then when you're not there, they'll talk about you. Copyright © 2011 by Joel Osteen. All rights reserved. Used by permission. If people are stirring up things International copyright secured. around you, talking about the leadership, talking about your family, talking about your friends, don't sit there and be a part of it. That can keep you from your God-given destiny. God will not promote a critical spirit, a gossip, a faultfinder, someone that is sowing discord. And if you have a problem with someone, go to them face to face, not behind their back. You may not agree with everything. There may be things you don't understand. But don't be a gossip. Don't go around stirring up trouble. If you're not behind the company that you work for, you need to go find another job. But as long as you are taking their paycheck, you should not be critical and condemning. You should support those people and that organization.

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A Choice to Make By Steve Goodier

believe that, at least to some degree, we can each exercise control over our attitudes. And the problem is – if we don’t control our attitudes, they will surely control us. One farmer took charge of his outlook. He did it by filling his mind with awe and gratitude. He found that doing this gave him more energy to work on problems and to tackle those things that needed his attention. His neighbor’s outlook could not have been A stubbornly more different.

Not just any mutt, but the most expensive, highly trained and gifted dog he could find. The animal was exquisite. It could perform remarkable and impossible feats that, the farmer thought, would surely amaze even his neighbor. So he invited her to watch his dog perform.

“Fetch!” he commanded, as he tossed a stick into a lake, where it bobbed up and down in the rippling water. The dog bounded after the stick, walked ON the water, positive attitude and retrieved make the difference it.

One summer morning he exclaimed, “Look at the beautiful sky. Did you ever see such a glorious sunrise?”

can often between happiness and misery, between health and illness and even between life and death

She countered. “It’ll probably get so hot the crops will scorch.” During an afternoon shower, he commented, “Isn’t this wonderful? Mother Nature is giving the corn a drink today.” “And if it doesn’t stop before too long,” came the sour reply, “we’ll wish we’d taken out flood insurance on the crops.” And so it went. Convinced that he could instill some awe and wonder in this hardened woman, he bought a remarkable dog.

“What do you think of that?” he smirked.

“Hmmm,” she frowned. “Can’t swim, can he?” Not to sound too Pollyanna, but I agree with newscaster Paul Harvey when he said that he has never seen a monument erected for a pessimist. A stubbornly positive attitude can often make the difference between happiness and misery, between health and illness and even between life and death. Viktor Frankl would have agreed. Dr. Frankl chronicled his experiences as a Holocaust and concentration camp survivor in his book

Man's Search for Meaning. In it he asserts something really quite remarkable. He says that everything can be taken from a person except one thing. What can never be taken away is the power to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances. We can decide to choose our attitudes every day. That may be one of the most important decisions we will make. I don’t want to neglect making that choice. 24/7

Steve Goodier is an ordained United Methodist minister and the author of numerous books about personal development, motivation, inspiration, and making needed life changes. He is the founder and publisher of Your Life Support System, an e-zine in existence since 1999. Steve writes a syndicated newspaper column and has produced a daily inspirational radio program. He has taught and counseled people through life changes and spiritual development for three decades. Together with his wife Bev, a professional counselor and small group leader, he has led numerous workshops on relational, spiritual and inter-personal growth topics. They currently make their home in Salt Lake City, Utah. www.LifeSupportSystem.com

How To Deal With A Control Freak By Judith Orloff, MD

control you by invalidating your emotions if those don’t fit into their rulebook. Controllers often start sentences with, “You know what you need?”… then proceed to tell you. They’ll sling shots like, “That guy is out of your league” or” I’ll have dinner with you if you promise to be happy.” People with low self-esteem who see themselves as “victims” attract controllers. Whether spouting unsolicited advice on how you can lose weight or using anger to put you in your place, their comments can range from irritating to abusive. What’s most infuriating about these people is that they usually don’t see themselves as controlling—only right.

It’s important to identify if you are dealing with a control freak then develop healthy strategies to communicate. These people obsessively try to dictate how you’re supposed to be and feel. They have an opinion about everything; disagree at your peril. They’ll

Control freaks are often perfectionists. They may feel, ”If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.” Personally, I can relate to this attitude, though I’m getting better at delegating. Controllers are also controlling with themselves. They may fanatically count carbs, become clean freaks or workaholics. Conventional psychiatry classifies extreme cases as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder--

s a psychiatrist, I have observed that relationships can be one of the major sources of exhaustion for my patients. In Emotional Freedom I discuss how to deal with different kinds of draining people to avoid getting fatigued, sick, or burned out. One of these is the control freak.

people are rigidly preoccupied with details, rules, lists, and dominating others at the expense of flexibility and openness. Use the following methods from Emotional Freedom to deal with controllers.

The secret to success is never try to control a controller Speak up, but don’t tell them what to do. Be healthily assertive rather than controlling. Stay confident and refuse to play the victim. Most important, always take a consistent, targeted approach. Controllers are always looking for a power struggle, so try not to sweat the small stuff. Focus on highpriority issues that you really care about rather than bickering about putting the cap on the toothpaste.

Never make your self-worth dependent on them. Don’t get caught in the trap of always trying to please a narcissist. Also protect your sensitivity. Refrain from confiding your deepest feelings to someone who won’t cherish them.

Try the caring, direct approach Use this with good friends or others who are responsive to feedback. For instance, if someone dominates conversations, sensitively say, “I appreciate your comments but I’d like to express my opinions too.” The person may be unaware that he or she is monopolizing the discussion, and will gladly change.

Set limits If someone keeps telling you how to deal with something, politely say, “I value your advice, but I really want to work through this myself.” You may need to remind the controller several times, always in a kind, neutral tone. Repetition is key. Don’t expect instant miracles. Since controllers rarely give up easily, be patient. Respectfully reiterating your stance over days or weeks will slowly recondition negative communication patterns and redefine the terms of the relationship. If you reach an impasse, agree to disagree. Then make the subject off limits.

Size up the situation If your boss is a controlling perfectionist—and you choose to stay— don’t keep ruminating about what a rotten person he or she is or expect that person to change, Then operate within that reality check. For instance, if your boss instructs you how to complete a project, but you add a few good ideas of your own, realize this may or may not fly. If you non-defensively offer your reasoning about the additions, you’ll be more readily heard. However if your boss responds, “I didn’t say to do this. Please remove it,” you must defer because of the

QUIZ AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A CONTROL FREAK? Does this person keep claiming to know what’s best for you? Do you typically have to do things his way? Is he so domineering you feel suffocated? Do you feel like you’re held prisoner to this person’s rigid sense of order? Is this relationship no fun because it lacks spontaneity? If you answer “yes” to 1-2 questions, it’s likely you’re dealing with a controller. Responding “yes” to 3 or more questions suggests that a controller is violating your emotional freedom.

built-in status difference in the relationship. Putting your foot down— trying to control the controller—will only make work more stressful or get you fired. People who feel out of control tend to become controllers. Deep down, they’re afraid of falling apart, so they micromanage to bind anxiety. They might have had chaotic childhoods, alcoholic parents, or experienced early abandonment, making it hard to trust or relinquish control to others, or to a higher power. Some controllers have a machismo drive to be top dog in both business and personal matters—a mask for their feelings of inadequacy and lack of inner power. To assert territorial prowess, they may get right up in your face when they talk. Even if you take a few steps away, they’ll inch forward again into your space. When you mindfully deal with control freaks, you can free yourself from their manipulations. Knowing how

they operate will let you choose how to interact with them. 24/7 Judith Orloff MD, an assistant clinical professor of Psychiatry at UCLA and intuition expert, is author of the New York Times bestseller Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life. Her other bestsellers are Positive Energy, Intuitive Healing, and Second Sight.

www.drjudithorloff.com

MY LIFE WITH THE SAINTS Thérèse of Lisieux The Little Flower By James Martin, SJ

To Catholics, they are saints, to others, people of inspiration. In his book, My Life with the Saints, James Martin, SJ, writes about saints of the Catholic Church or as he endearingly refers to them, “surprising friends,” who have had an impact on his life. Father Martin’s book chronicles his lifelong relationship with people who can guide us throughout our earthly journey and who can help each of us find holiness in our lives. Through this column in CYACYL:24/ seven, excerpted from My Life with the Saints, Father Martin will introduce you to these inspiring people. Perhaps they can become your friends too.

n January 2, 1873, MarieFrancoise- Thérèse Martin was born in Alencon, France, to Louis and Zelie Martin, two devout Catholics. Louis, a watchmaker, had earlier in life presented himself to a monastery but had been refused admission because of his lack of knowledge of Latin. Zelie had been similarly rejected by a local order of nuns called the Sisters of the Hotel Dieu; she became, instead, a lacemaker. But the couple’s intense love for Catholicism and for religious life was passed on to their children. When Thérèse was four, her mother died. Shortly afterward, the family moved from Alencon to Lisieux. As a young girl, Thérèse led a cosseted existence, living under the loving care of her devoted father and treated with great tenderness by her four older sisters. By most accounts Thérèse was her father’s favorite daughter. Many biographies portray the young Thérèse as a spoiled little girl. Perhaps because of this supportive environment, Thérèse was a cheerful girl and a naturally religious one as well. “I loved God very much,” she would write later, “and offered my heart to him very often.” She was attracted to almost any expression of religiosity: she described the first communion of her sister Celine as “one of the most beautiful days in my life.”

As early as age nine, Thérèse discovered within herself the desire to be a nun. When two of her sisters entered the Carmelite monastery in Lisieux, it only intensified her desire to enter a religious order. Faced with the prospect of having to wait until age 16 to enter the monastery, an adolescent Thérèse took advantage of a providentially planned trip. She accompanied her father on a parish pilgrimage to Rome, and while there petitioned Pope Leo XIII for a special dispensation to enter the Carmelite Order before she turned 16. Presented with the enthusiastic French girl, the pope was noncommittal. “You will enter if God wills it,” he said blandly. But her single-mindedness did not go unnoticed by officials at home. Her request was granted a few months later by the local bishop, and Thérèse entered the Carmelite monastery, or the Carmel, on April 9, 1888, at age 15. Her life within the monastery walls was short and uneventful, “lacking in outward drama,” as Robert Ellsberg says in his book All Saints. Within a year of entrance she received her habit. The next year she officially entered the novitiate and was assigned to care for the refectory and to sweep the corridors. In 1890, she made her profession of the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. In 1891, she was named aid to the sacristan. In 1893, she painted a fresco in the oratory and was named “second portress,” that is, assistant doorkeeper.

In 1896, on the morning of Good Friday, Thérèse awoke to find her mouth full of blood. And though she had been praying ardently that she would be accepted for missionary service in Vietnam, Thérèse rejoiced that she would soon be in heaven.

nities at the hands of her sisters and strove to be a generous as possible even during her illness. The sisters in her convent who showed the least kindness to Thérèse were the ones she tried to love the most; the most vexing and disagreeable sister was the one she chose to sit beside during recreation.

Yet it proved not to be a quick and painless journey. A year of intense suffering followed.

Sr. Thérèse did all this without hope of reward in the convent. “Because of my lack of virtue,” The same she wrote, “these Therese protested that in the garden little practices cost year she contracted of God she was only a “little me very much and tuberculoI had to console sis, she was flower,” a small daisy compared to myself with the the more magnificent roses that she thought that at the asked by her superior saw around her Last Judgment to write everything would what would be revealed. I nobecome her ticed this: when spiritual testimony. She titled it one performs her duty, never excusing “Springtime Story of a Little White herself, no one knows it; on the contrary, Flower Written by Herself and Dediimperfections appear immediately.” cated to Reverend Mother Mary Agnes of Jesus.” Throughout her life, Therese aimed to offer these “little” efforts to the God It was this remarkable book that would with whom she had fallen in love as a ultimately draw millions of believers to little girl. Her autobiography is a testiJesus. The life lacking in outward drama mony to both the joy and the pain that was revealed to be full of inward drama. accompany a life of faith. As Thérèse Surprisingly, Thérèse described a powercontinued writing, her physical condition ful call to the priesthood: “I would like deteriorated. The last few chapters were to perform the most heroic deeds. I feel I written during a period of extreme sufhave the courage of a Crusader. I should fering. On September 30, 1897, at age like to die on the battlefield in defense of 24, she died. Her last words were “Oh, I the church. If only I were a priest!” love Him…My God…I love you.” Thérèse devoted herself to prayer and to the service of God in the monastery. She But even at her death, the hardworking prayed for missionary priests in particudisciple considered her work unfinished. lar; as a result, this cloistered nun is one There was so much more to do, by way of the two patron saints of missionaries, of intercession for those she left behind: along with the peripatetic Jesuit priest St. “After my death I will let fall a shower Francis Xavier. of roses. I will spend my heaven doing good on earth.” Her autobiography also shows how convent life led Therese to become what one A year after her death, her spiritual autobiographer, Kathryn Harrison, calls a biography was published in a sanitized “genius of secret mortification.” Believversion by her sisters under the title ing that she could never live up to the Story of a Soul. The work was first high standards of her saintly heroes, passed privately among Carmelite conTherese embraced small, daily hardships vents, but it eventually reached the outas both a test and a gift from God. This side world, where its success surprised would be her personal path to holiness. almost everyone. As a result of her “I applied myself to practicing little vir“Springtime Story,” Thérèse became one tues, not having the capability of practicof the most popular saints in the ing the great.” She suffered small indigchurch – her story captivating, her exam-

ple inspiring, and her “Little Way” accessible to countless believers. In 1925, only 28 years after her death, Thérèse was declared a saint. And in 1997, Pope John Paul II declared her a doctor of the church, that is, an eminent teacher of the faith. She is one of only three women to have been so named (along with Catherine of Siena and Teresa of Avila). It was her deep humility that rendered Thérèse of Lisieux a potent and accessible model for Christians worldwide. After all, who hasn’t been humbled by life? Who hasn’t experienced personal limitations? Who hasn’t felt “little” compared to others? Who hasn’t suffered? Thérèse is a saint who many feel would understand their problems. Thérèse is someone an ordinary person can talk to. People feel comfortable with the Little Flower. That saintly nickname is taken from the original title of her autobiography. Thérèse protested that in the garden of God she was only a “little flower,” a small daisy compared to the more magnificent roses that she saw around her. She called herself “la petite Thérèse” in order to distinguish her-

self from Teresa of Avila, her Carmelite predecessor. What has become known as her “Little Way” is a pliable and durable spirituality that consists of doing small things with love for God, a way of discipleship that stresses a cheerful humility before the Creator and a willingness to accept suffering. Thérèse’s “dark

thought it through completely and in any case was trying to protect the other sisters from the burden. But if you read the text closely, what she talks about is that sense that there is sheer nothingness on the other side of death. That would be particularly acute trial for Thérèse, since her confidence in the night” may be reality of heaven the most compelling aspect of The spirituality of had always been Thérèse of Lisieux is her life, the point where many so strong and typically illustrated by lives intersect with hers. powerful.” her self-denial and willingness to accept Yet though she the slights of her sisters in the convent. struggled, wept, and raged, she continued But this is too narrow a view of Thérèse, to believe – drawing from a deep well of who became a saint not because of the trust filled from the springs of a lifelong sufferings of her body but because of the friendship with God. As Kathryn Harrison activities of her heart. writes in Saint Therese of Lisieux, Thérèse’s “dark night” may be the most Taking her inspiration from St. Paul who compelling aspect of her life, the point compared the Christian community to a where many lives intersect with hers. body with many parts, Thérèse boldly declared that she would be the heart. Her “At last she has taken her place among us,” ascetic spirituality, particularly her apwrites Harrison, “not so much revealed proach to illness, may seem odd to modherself as human as given birth to her naern readers. (When her illness prompted ked self, plummeting to earth, wet and new her to think that she might die, her soul, and terrified. If we allow her to become a she said, was “flooded with joy.”) But her saint, if we believe in her, it’s because austerities flowed from a consuming love here, finally, she has achieved mortality.” for God and a desire to offer herself to 24/7 Jesus. James Martin, S.J., author of My Life With the Saints and The Jesuit Guide to A word about her response to her illness: Almost Everything, is a Jesuit priest, and around the time of its onset, Thérèse, who associate editor of America, the national had been filled with a sense of God’s presCatholic magazine. In addition to his artience since her childhood, began to expericles in America and other Catholic publience a crushing sense of God’s absence in cations, Father Martin has written for The her prayer, what St. John of the Cross New York Times, The Wall Street Journal calls the “dark night.” She hid this from and other national newspapers and webher sisters, lest she burden them with her sites. He currently blogs for Huffingtontorment. Only to a few did she confess her post.com. Father Martin has commented state of mind. “If you only knew what on religion and spirituality in the national darkness I am plunged into!” she admitted and international radio media, and has to one sister. At times she flirted with suiappeared in venues as diverse as NPR’s cide – pointedly telling her Carmelite sis“Fresh Air,” PBS’s “Newshour,” Fox ters that medicines should not be kept near News Channel’s “The O’Reilly Factor,” the bed of a sick person. and Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report,” as well as on all the major netSteven Payne, a Carmelite priest and works, CNN, MSNBC, the History Chanscholar, notes that many experts believe nel, the BBC and Vatican Radio. that Thérèse’s spiritual trial primarily concerned her confidence in heaven and an My Life with the Saints can be purchased afterlife, rather than doubts about the exisin bookstores or through Amazon at: tence of God. “Of course,” he wrote in a letter to me, “it’s hard to tell from what www.tinyurl.com/6y26cg7 she says, because she may not have

The Top Ten Reasons for Telling the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth …No Matter What! By Chrissy Carew

ruth comes from the heart, and it takes patience and practice to develop the skill of delivering the truth with grace. However, the truth is not useful if it is not constructive. Telling the truth from a place of love gives us the ability to be unconditionally constructive, honorable and respectful of others and yourself. It is essential to be truthful with ourselves. When we are truthful with ourselves, we connect more easily with our intuition. That enables us to make better decisions and propel our potential for growth. When you set the standard to always tell the truth, you easily gain the trust of others and learn to better trust yourself. The stronger your personal foundation, the easier it will be to tell the truth. Here are some additional benefits to telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth—no matter what!

Being true to yourself and true to those around you will make your life a whole lot easier.

The sooner you tell the truth, the easier it is.

The longer we hold back the truth, the harder it is on others and ourselves.

us. All healthy relationships are built on trust. 9.

When we tell the truth, our relationships grow stronger and richer. When we hold back the truth, our relationships suffer. That includes our relationship with ourselves.

Telling the truth creates freedom and lightness. Holding back the truth creates excess baggage. The more we hold back, the more baggage we have.

When we tell the truth, we are blessed with intimacy. When we hold back the truth, we feel alone and separated.

Telling the truth increases our ability to be happy. Withholding the truth can cause numbness, apathy, anger and sadness.

When we tell the truth, we become trustworthy. When we hold back the truth, people don’t trust

When you tell the truth, it becomes easier to reach your goals. When you withhold the truth, reaching your goals can be a whole lot harder.

10. When you tell the truth, you attract people who also tell the truth. When you hold back the truth, you attract needy people who drain you. 24/7

Chrissy Carew is a personal and business coach and trainer. She is an International Coach Federation Master Certified Coach, a Coach U Certified Master Coach, and Certified Mentor Coach. She has coached over 500 entrepreneurs, executives, managers, sales professionals and coaches. Chrissy has been featured on CNN, and has been published in Newsday, The Boston Globe, Marie Claire, Entrepreneur Magazine, plus many more. Chrissy has launched the Insightful Player™ campaign, a platform that features high-integrity people such as current and former NFL players, who are passionate about inspiring their fans and in particular kids.

Insightfulplayer.com

OFF THE FIELD Rocky Boiman Finds Lasting Success on the Other Side of Failure

or NFL linebacker Rocky Boiman, self-motivation starts first thing in the morning – literally. On his bathroom mirror are dozens of Post-its with motivational messages he’s scribbled down to keep himself striving for improvement. “My finest moment is yet to come,” says one. Another says “I am grateful for: my family’s health, my health, the football talent and career the lord has blessed me with, the love of my family, the opportunity and responsibility to help those around me.” Others are shorter: “Believe.” And “Focus.” Rocky was raised in a close-knit, middleclass family of four on the west side of Cincinnati, Ohio. “I was blessed with great parents, and I know not everyone is lucky enough to have this,” he says. “Every day while I was growing up – and even still today — I worked hard for my parents’ approval. That’s an important feeling for a kid.” His football career has been a lesson in how what seems like bad luck can turn into something good. “When I signed with Dallas, I thought everything was great, and then I got released instead. It was hard, and it was also

a really defining moment in my career and in my life. You learn over time to say look, these things happen and it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you respond. Kids, whether they’ve been cut from a high school team or failed a class or whatever, can relate to that.” As a boy, he learned about perseverance. He recounts the time that he and his father spent hours moving an air compressor into their cellar. “When I was maybe 12 or 14 years old, we moved into this new house and we were trying to get this huge piece of machinery, an air compressor, down the basement stairs. And finally I just stood there and said, ‘I give up. This isn’t working. It’s not going down the stairs.’ My dad said, ‘Rock, all I can tell you is the damn thing isn’t going to sit at the top of the stairs here. It’s got to get downstairs so we’ll figure it out.’ And so, sure enough, after some time and some thought, we got it down there.” What happened to Rocky with the Dallas Cowboys turned out to be the best example he could wish for as far as turning around adversity. Signed to a three-year contract in March 2006, he was subsequently released six months later. The very next day, the

phone rang. It was Tony Dungee of world that has given him so much. the Indianapolis Colts offering him “When I was just a kid saying my a job. Not only did Rocky sign with prayers at the Colts; he went on to win a Super When the chips are down and night, I’d Bowl with that everything is against you, the say Lord, grant me team. He also only thing you really have in the strength played for the Titans, the Eagles, life besides your loved ones, is and the fortitude and the Chiefs and the your character and how you the perseStealers before live your life verance to becoming a free hang in agent in 2010. there and accomplish my goal of “When the chips are down and playing pro football, and I promise I everything is against you, the only will give back here one day,” he thing you really have in life besides says. “Running this foundation feels your loved ones, is your character like the right way for me to hold up and how you live your life. Tony my end of the bargain.” Dungee would always say that Applying all the tough lessons he character and integrity are nonhas learned throughout his career as negotiable, 24/7 obligations. You can’t practice them one day and then a linebacker to a future in which he hopes to improve the world, Rocky put them aside another day.” Boiman shows the spirit and intenEven without such a powerful moral sity of a true Insightful Player™ compass, Rocky could make an imteam member. 24/7 pression on others just for his football skills. At the University of Notre Dame, he was a three year The Insightful Player™ series is starter, team captain in his senior brought to you by Coach Chrissy year, and was Pre-Season All Carew, Master Certified Personal American in 2001. As a pro player, and Business Coach. Chrissy has he played in over 100 NFL games been inspired by her father, the late with over 30 starts. He holds the Coach Walter Carew, Sr. Her faOilers/Titans single season franchise ther is in several Halls of Fame as record for special teams tackles with a high school football coach and 28, and was named AFC Defensive baseball coach (as well as high Player of the Week. school and college athlete). He used sports as a way to help kids build But he has a profound belief that he strong character and teach them is meant to do more with his life valuable life skills. The Insightful than set an example by playing a Player™ campaign was created to sport. Recently he launched the help make our world a better place. Rocky Boiman WIN Foundation, which provides scholarship opportunities for Cincinnati youth to attend private schools. As he sees it, his work through the foundation is simply his fair payment back to the

Instant Replay of Rocky’s Guiding Principles Believe that every setback carries a lesson for you, and seek to determine what that lesson is. Follow role models who embody strong principles by “walking the walk and talking the talk,” rather than those who are celebrities but lack substance. Acknowledge that facing adversity builds strength. Embrace the opportunities that adversity brings. Hold yourself to a high standard in how you behave toward your family, your community, your team. The more you are given, the more you owe. Give something back to the world in whatever way you can. Take responsibility for your actions, your attitude, and your decisions. Seek out and emulate people who challenge you and who reflect the values you admire. Regardless of whether or not you attend a church or belong to an organized religion, let your sense of spirituality and your relationship with God be your guide. Refute the temptation to take the path of least resistance. Work hard and follow what you know to be the right course. Make the best of your circumstances, even if they are less than ideal.

NURTURING YOUR SPIRIT

If You Can't Forgive You Can't Dance By Ed & Deb Shapiro

e were teaching a forgiveness workshop when John, one of the participants, told us that his brother had continually abused and even molested him as a child. He said quite emphatically that he would never forgive him. After John had spoken there were a few minutes of shocked silence, then another participant gently said, “If you can’t forgive then you can’t dance, you can't sing, and you can't smile.” Those few words exactly describe the emotional blocking that takes place when there is no forgiveness. Our ability to dance—to move emotionally, to give, to love, to feel alive and free—gets stuck. All the pain, grief, and hurt get held in this immovable place. We can’t move forward when a part of us is locked in the past. All around us is the evidence of a lack of forgiveness: broken families, selfhate, guilt and shame leading to depression, huge amounts of anger, bitterness, and closed-heartedness. We learn to live by ignoring this dark place without realizing how deeply limiting it is, how it holds back our joy and laughter. We point the finger and

see the other person as the cause of our suffering but we don’t see how, by holding on to hurt feelings, we are simply creating more grief for ourselves.

How often do you have to repeat this before you see that all of it is going nowhere other than prolonging your unhappiness?

We are not trying to be simplistic. Deb used to work with the elderly. As From a rational point of view, it can she recalls: “I worked in a nursing seem impossible to forgive: You are home where I saw so many residents hurt and want revenge, it is the other clinging to incidents from the past: person’s fault, so why should you words said in forgive? But if we anger, want to have closure distorted We can’t move forward then we have to conmemories of front this desire to how they had when a part of us is hold on to the story, been wronged locked in the past. for this simply causes by children further suffering. We who had are the ones feeling the disagreed pain, and the longer with them and left in anger. So much we hold on the more suffering we bitterness. They couldn’t let go, even cause ourselves. now so near to dying. Over the years the hurt and anger had become solid, To forgive includes fully acknowledgfixed, immovable, as if they were ing our feelings: how angry, upset, surrounded by prison bars.” betrayed, bitter, or indignant we are; how unfair life is, how let down and How many times have you rerun the sad we feel and that it is absolutely tape, gone over the details of who said okay to be this way. We know and feel what to whom, of how it all happened, the pain, but the desire to no longer of the injustice and blame or the guilt continue the suffering is stronger; we and shame? How many times have care enough about ourselves to not you done this, and did it ever help you want to carry the anger or sadness any feel healed, more joyful, or happier? longer.

If we don’t forgive it is like carrying heavy baggage that weighs us down so we can’t go forward, but we can’t go without it as it contains our history, our identity. Or it is like holding on to hot coals but we are the ones getting burned. Letting go of the past, of the story and the details, enables us to open to the present, to who we are now. We don’t need to live in the drama, to keep the story alive, to maintain suffering. We can come back to sanity and goodness and bring that sanity into our lives. As Gangaji says in our book, Be The Change: "We have all experienced being hurt by someone, such as our parents, lover, or friend. But it is not about denying the hurt; it’s actually about opening and meeting the hurt, and then the hurt itself becomes a deepening of our heart. In that moment, it is natural for forgiveness to occur." Sitting in meditation, we can come to forgiveness and bring compassion to ourselves, making friends with who we are, knowing we cannot change the past but we can change our attitude toward it. As we do this a remarkable thing begins to happen. The boundaries that normally keep us isolated from intimacy, boundaries that have been maintained over the years to protect us from being hurt, begin to come down, like old walls crumbling and falling. In this way, forgiveness is truly revolutionary. It releases the pain of the past so we are free to live in the present. It changes fear and hate into love and acceptance, just as an oyster uses the irritation from a grain of sand to produce the beauty of a pearl. It enables us to live with kindness and caring.

1. Hold yourself with care and tenderness, inviting forgiveness. Silently repeat: "I forgive myself, for my words and actions, intentional or unintentional, I forgive myself. May I be filled with peace and loving kindness." Keep breathing, letting the breath open and soften your heart. Let go of the story and breathe in forgiveness. 2. Now focus on one person you wish to forgive. Breathe out any resistance or anger, and breathe in forgiveness and gentleness. Silently repeat: “I forgive you, for your words and actions, intentional or unintentional, I forgive you. May you be peaceful and filled with loving kindness.” Do not get sidetracked by the details of what happened. Let go of the story and breathe in forgiveness. Feel the joy of forgiveness in your whole being. When you are ready, take a deep breath and slowly let it go. 24/7 Ed and Deb Shapiro are the authors of Be the Change, How Meditation Can Transform You and The World, forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, with contributors Jack Kornfield, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Gangaji, Byron Katie, and others. Winner of the 2010 Nautilus Gold Book Award. They are spiritual teachers on Oprah.com/ spirit, and featured bloggers on HuffingtonPost.com/Living, and Care2.com. They have 3 meditation CD’s: Metta - Loving Kindness and Forgiveness; Samadhi - Breath Awareness and Insight; Relaxation. Deb is the author of the best-selling book, Your Body Speaks Your Mind , winner of the 2007 Visionary Book Award.

www.edanddebshapiro.com

Forgiveness Meditation You can develop forgiveness for yourself or for another. Find a comfortable place to sit, and settle your attention on your breathing.

SHAUN T ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS

GET

You are incredibly sore from working out but you are scheduled to do another intense workout. How do you determine where that line is between digging deeper versus having a possible injury?

This actually seems to be a pretty frequently asked question here lately, so I will address this. Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just start out by saying that I am definitely all about digging deeper and putting in 110 percent of your best when engaging in any exercise program, but that is not by any means to say that I feel that you should literally hurt or harm yourself while doing it!! I think we have discussed before some of the ways that the likelihood of sustaining an injury can be decreased, some of them being: having a thorough physical checkup prior to starting, proper warm up, staying hydrated, proper body mechanics, proper rest

and recovery, among others. That being said, I always tell people that when it comes to thinking you may have been injured in some way, definitely do not ignore it, and get evaluated by a professional right away. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s better to be safe than sorry, and we all know that not having an injury properly evaluated and treated can cause more long term chronic damage, and is definitely not worth taking the risk. The biggest thing to know is to KNOW your body, TRUST your body, and LISTEN to your body. If you experience ANYTHING abnormal, sharp pain, lightheadedness, weakness, ANYTHING that just does not feel right, by all means, listen to what your

body is trying to tell you and STOP. Stop and have it evaluated, and then take the proper rest and healing time that is necessary. By all means, dig deep, but don’t cause yourself harm!

How do you cope emotionally with an injury and the setback that it brings?

I don’t get injured, I’m Superman! Yeah, and if you believe that, you will definitely believe anything. Unfortunately, there really are people who have that thought process, so for them, sustaining an injury and having to cope with the emotions that come with it will actually probably be a rougher road. The fact of the matter is, we, including Shaun T, are all humans, and are all susceptible to potentially being injured, even if it does not necessarily occur while working out. And while we are not always prepared for the emotional consequences that may come along with sustaining an injury, there are some things that I think can be done to help get through it. For those of us who do work out, the most agonizing thing about the healing process is probably all of the RESTING and sitting STILL that may be required when we are trying to physically heal. I know that as a person who is used to constantly being on the go, having to sit still for five minutes is sometimes super stressful for me! One thing that you have to remember in this situation is that, while sustaining the injury may not necessarily have been within your control, how you cope with it during the recovery stage definitely can be. Essentially, you will have to deal with a change in your daily routine, and

in order to get through the recovery period with your (In)sanity still intact, you have to maintain a positive outlook and remember that after you recover and allow yourself to heal properly, you will be able to get back to an exercise routine. While an injury can be altering, it does not necessarily have to be the end of the world. Some suggestions that I offer are: 

Remember that, despite your injury, you are still you, and must still maintain the things that pertain to YOU. Use your time to get organized, on the inside and out.



Maintain a positive attitude about your situation. Don’t let your injury define who you are and how you behave.



Make adaptations, but still try to maintain your regular routine as much as possible. This can include maintaining your healthy diet, and even (of course after discussing with your doctor/therapist) possibly modified activities until you are back to your pre-injury state. Continue to dig deep in every aspect of your life; an injury should not be perceived as a mountain, but instead a minor bump in the road. You can, and will get through it. There are professionals who can help you deal with the coping process, and there is definitely nothing negative about consulting one if you need help!

The bottom line is, injuries are not always avoidable, and they do have physical and emotional consequences. While being injured can be devastating in some ways, there are ways that one can make the recovery period a little less stressful a time. Shaun T is the creator of Beachbody’s Asylum, Insanity, Hip Hop Abs, and Rocking Body fitness programs.

If You Missed Shaun T on Change Your Attitude… Change Your Life Click on link below to listen to podcast

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In Her Own Words Debbie Macomber

ONE SIMPLE ACT Best-selling author and master storyteller Debbie Macomber is a literary powerhouse with over 140 million books in print. Debbie overcame great obstacles in her life in order to follow her dream of being a writer. She is the author of Twenty Wishes, Back on Blossom Street, Between Friends, and the Cedar Cove series. Recently, the latest in her Cedar Cove series ranked #1 on the New York Times, USA Today, and Publishers Weekly bestseller lists. Her newest book, One Simple Act, focuses on the power of generosity.

hen did you realize that you wanted to be a writer?

I think I was a kid. I know for sure that I started writing my first book when I was 10 years old. The first time somebody handed me a book I was in the library and I was four years old. My mom took me to the library for the first time for story hour. She told me that when the librarian handed me a book, I grabbed it with both hands and put it right next to my heart. She said that from that time forward I wouldn’t go down for a nap or go to bed without a book in my hand. I’m still that way. And that librarian was Beverly Cleary, a well-known children’s author.

You had to overcome some great challenges – you were dyslexic. How were you able to accomplish that? I always tell someone who is dyslexic that when we have a disability in one area that we are often compensated in another area by a talent and we just need to find that talent. With me, I am a storyteller. My grandfather was a storyteller and my father too and both of them were dyslexic, although they didn’t know it at the time. I didn’t know it until my own children were diagnosed with dyslexia. So I just kinda grew up being at the bottom of my class. My dad had always thought he was dumb and he never criticized me for being at the bottom of my class, he always encouraged me because he had gone through the same stigma himself.

But, I wanted to tell stories, not the way my father and grandfather did, I wanted to write them down. And I started writing when I was 10. I wrote on a spiral bound notebook…I started my first book. But when you have trouble in school and you don’t do well, it’s very easy to push those dreams into the future and think, someday. Well someday caught up with me when I had a cousin, whom I was very close to, die of leukemia. After David died, I told my husband that I really wanted to write books. This was a leap of faith for him because it was time for me to look for a job outside of the home. But we rented a typewriter; I put it on the kitchen table and moved it at meal times. It took me five years to sell that first book…five very hard years.

You have more than 140 million books in print, but in the beginning, you entered a contest with one of your manuscripts and a judge told you to throw the manuscript out. How did you overcome that rejection to continue to follow your dream? I don’t think I will ever forget that. By being a writer, I was taking $100 per month out of our budget and it was bleak times. I had signed up for a writer’s conference and there were two editors there. Now, for a writer, meeting an editor is like an audience with the Pope. They had agreed to review 10 manuscripts and mine was one of them and I was so excited. There was a huge auditorium filled with writers and any one of us would have given their right arm to be published. She got up and said that one of the manuscripts she had reviewed showed promise. I had been writing for five years and I loved this story. I felt that if I were ever going to sell it would be with this story. It wasn’t mine. In fact, she had the whole room laughing at what she called the “infeasibility” of my plot. Well, she could have said anything about my writing, I knew I had to learn to be a writer, but I’m a good storyteller. But

afterwards I thought, “you have to be willing to listen, you have to be willing to do what they think is right if you want to sell.” So I went up to her and told her the name of my manuscript and asked that if I rewrote it, would she be willing to look at it again. I will never forget the look in her eye as she leaned forward and put her hand on my arm and said to me, “Throw it away.” I didn’t go to bed that night. I stayed up all night hearing all the negative voices of my youth.

What happened to that manuscript? I attended a class and the author got up and said, “don’t leave a rejected manuscript on your desk.” I wrote a query letter to another publisher and then every day I waited. I decided one day that I couldn’t stand to listen to those ugly voices, because every time I looked at the manuscript that was what I heard. I decided that I was going to mail it off, I didn’t care if they wanted to see it… I wasn’t going to look at it another minute. So I picked up the manuscript, loaded the kids in the car and drove to the grocery store. Wayne was out of work and I was living on his unemployment check of $150 a week, and it was $10 to mail that manuscript. I could hardly give that money away. Finally I gave him (the postmaster) the money and my stomach was in knots. We got home and my son ran down to get the mail and he said, “mom, mom, that letter you’ve been waiting for is here.” And I opened it up and across my query letter in a sharpie pen, the editor wrote, “do not mail us your manuscript, we are not buying.” I laid down and I didn’t move the rest of the day. Three weeks later they called and they bought the book. If I had waited a half hour, I would never have mailed it.

Your new book, One Simple Act, is different from the type of work that you usually do. What made you write this book? I was in the Newark airport waiting for an early morning flight to Seattle. It was

so early that the Starbucks hadn’t even opened up so I was one of the first people in line and by the time it opened, the line went around the corner, it was a really long line. I got my coffee, got to the gate, put my things down and my coffee spilled. Somebody in line saw what had happened and bought me a cup of coffee. Very simple thing. They brought me the cup of coffee and said, “Everybody needs their coffee in the morning.” I was so touched by that that all the flight home I kept thinking about how easy it is for us to be generous and that’s what we need to do.

To listen to the interview to hear what Debbie has to say about the power of generosity, visit

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SHOW NEWS CHRISTINA HAAG COME TO THE EDGE MAY 15

Photo by Dana Patrick

Come to the Edge, is a love story – and like all love stories, it is both unique and universal. Unique in that Christina Haag’s first love was John F. Kennedy Jr.; universal in that story stirs up the reader’s memory of what it means to be young and in love. Haag guests on Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life to talk about her relationship with John F. Kennedy Jr., the man behind the public persona, and her close relationship with Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis which endured until Jackie’s death.

SHAUN T ANSWERS YOUR FITNESS QUESTIONS JUNE 5 Get Fit With Shaun T He's back! Shaun is back to answer listener questions. The creator of Beachbody's Insanity, Hip Hop Abs, and the Asylum, Shaun motivates people to incorporate healthy eating and exercise into every day life.

Listen to Past Shows

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When Haag was growing up on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, John F. Kennedy Jr. was just one of the boys in her circle of prep school friends, a skinny kid who lived with his mother and sister on Fifth Avenue and who happened to have a Secret Service detail following him at a discreet distance at all times. A decade later, after they had both graduated from Brown University and were living in New York City, Christina and John were cast in an off-Broadway play together. It was then that John confessed his longstanding crush on her, and they embarked on a five-year love affair. Glamorous and often in the public eye, but also passionate and deeply intimate, their relationship was transformative for both of them. In her new book, Come to the Edge, Haag paints a portrait of a young man with an enormous capacity for love, and an adventurous spirit that drove him to live life to its fullest. Christina Haag is a graduate of Brown University and the Juilliard School. As an actress, she has worked in film, television and theater. She lives in New York and Los Angeles.

BOB GREENE OPRAH’S FITNESS GURU & BESTSELLING AUTHOR PROVIDES TIPS TO LOOK AND FEEL YOUNGER

ALLISON FISHMAN CO-HOST OF LIFETIME’S COOK YOURSELF THIN EXPLAINS HOW TO EAT GREAT AND LOOK EVEN BETTER MAY 29

MAY 22

New York Times best-selling author, Bob Greene, became a household name when he coauthored Make the Connection with Oprah back in 1996. Greene’s combination of practical, usable exercise advice and a warm, supportive approach has made him one of America’s leading exercise physiologists. Greene’s bestsellers, The Best Life Diet, Total Body Makeover, and Get with the Program! have sold nearly 10 million copies. Greene will guest on Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life to talk about how people can look and feel younger. In his new book, 20 Year Younger: Look Younger, Feel Younger, Be Younger, Greene has created a practical full-body and lifestyle plan that proves the old adage that age is just a number. This latest approach far surpasses a basic diet and weight-loss regimen, as Publishers Weekly says in their review: “Greene observes that aging is less about genetics and evolution and more about the cumulative effects of damage to the body. In order to subvert what was once believed inevitable, he developed a regime for regaining and maintaining optimal health, utilizing the research and recommendations of other experts in their fields.” In the interview, Greene will discuss how his science-based antiaging plan, which is built around the four pillars — exercise, diet, skin care, and sleep, can help people look and feel decades younger. Bob Greene is an exercise physiologist and certified personal trainer specializing in fitness, metabolism, and weight loss. He is the best-selling author of The Best Life Diet, The Total Body Makeover, Get With the Program!, and the coauthor of Make the Connection. He is also a contributing writer and editor for O the Oprah magazine, and writes articles on health and fitness for Oprah.com.

As the co-author of the bestseller Cook Yourself Thin and the co-host of the Lifetime show by the same name, Allison Fishman knows a thing or two about healthy cooking. In her new book, You Can Trust a Skinny Cook, Fishman teaches home cooks how to stay trim—without giving up the good things in life. Fishman guests on Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life to talk about a variety of cooking techniques that allow us to make smart and tasty choices in the kitchen. According to Fishman, when she implemented these lifestyle changes, she was able to eat more food than ever while losing weight. She contends that portion control does not have to mean small portions. Fishman is a cooking teacher and food writer. She is a contributor and the TV spokesperson for Cooking Light magazine. She has worked for Martha Stewart, Food Network, and Atkins as a food stylist, recipe developer, and cookbook editor, and her writing and recipes have appeared magazines such as Fine Cooking, Glamour, Real Simple, and Everyday Food. Fishman is also a monthly contributor to Change Your Attitude…Change Your Life: 24/seven magazine. She is the founder of The Wooden Spoon, a private cooking school designed to give modern food lovers the skills to prepare delicious meals at home.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Chicken Fricassee with Tomato Basil Pilaf By Robert Irvine

6 boneless chicken breasts, skin on Salt and pepper All-purpose flour, as needed for dredging 1/4 cup clarified butter 6 fresh tomatoes, seeds removed and diced, or 1 large can (28-32 ounces) plum tomatoes 1/2 cup chopped fresh basil leaves, plus sprigs for garnish 1 cup white wine 1 cup vegetable or chicken stock 1 cup heavy cream 1/8 cup olive oil 1 medium onion, chopped 2 cloves garlic, chopped 2 cups rice 5 cups chicken stock 1 teaspoon poultry seasoning Directions Preheat oven to 375 degrees F Chef Robert Irvine is the host of Food Networkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Dinner: Impossible, Restaurant: Impossible, and Worst Cooks in America. Robert is the author of two books: Mission: Cook! and Impossible to Easy.

Season chicken breasts with salt and pepper. Dredge chicken in flour and shake off excess. Heat half the clarified butter (1/8 cup) in a large saute pan, and brown the chicken on both sides over medium heat, cooking about 8 to 10 minutes. Remove to an ovenproof casserole. Add the rest of the clarified butter (the other 1/8 cup) to the same saute pan, and add the tomatoes and chopped basil, cooking gently over low heat for 2 minutes. Then, add the white wine and reduce the liquid by half. When the liquid in the saute pan is reduced, add the vegetable stock and heavy cream and bring to a gentle boil. Let the sauce cook until mixture starts to thicken about 5 to 10 minutes. Pour the sauce directly over the chicken in the casserole and bake covered in the oven until internal temperature reaches 165 degrees F on an instant-read thermometer, about 25 to 35 minutes. While the chicken is cooking, begin the rice. Heat the olive oil in a medium saucepot and saute onion and garlic until translucent. Add rice and toast lightly. Pour in the 5 cups of chicken stock and add the poultry seasoning and season with salt and pepper. Return to a boil, reduce heat, cover and simmer until tender, about 25 minutes, keeping covered at all times. When the chicken is done, transfer the pieces to a utility platter. The chicken should still have sauce on top. You can spoon some more sauce on top of the chicken if desired, but most of the remaining sauce in the casserole will be used for the rice. Finish the rice by adding the tomato/basil sauce and combining well. Spoon the rice onto center of serving plate, top with a piece of chicken and garnish with basil.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Berry Cobbler with Buttermilk Biscuits By Allison Fishman

Prep Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 1 hour 10 minutes Makes 9 servings Serving size: 1 biscuit with 1/4 cup fruit and 1/4 cup yogurt 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 cup granulated sugar 3 tablespoons cornstarch 6 cups (3 pints) fresh blackberries, blueberries, and/or raspberries, or frozen, defrosted 13/4 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for work surface 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon kosher salt 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, very cold and cut into pieces 1 cup buttermilk 21/4 cups 2% Greek yogurt 1/2 teaspoon almond extract 1. Preheat the oven to 400°F. 2. Whisk the cinnamon, sugar, and cornstarch together in a bowl. Add the berries; toss gently to coat. Transfer the mixture to a 9-inch square baking dish. 3. Add the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt to a food processor and pulse until combined. Add the butter and process until mixture resembles coarse meal. Transfer the mixture to a large bowl and add the buttermilk slowly, mixing with a wooden spoon until the dough just comes together. The batter will be sticky. 4. Transfer the dough to a lightly floured work surface. Working quickly and handling dough at a minimum to keep the butter cold, use floured fingers to pat the dough to a 1-inch thickness. Use a 2-inch round biscuit cutter or cookie cutter to cut 9 biscuits. Cut the biscuits as close together as possible to minimize scraps. If needed, gather the scraps together to cut additional biscuits until you have 9. 5. Top the berries in the baking dish with the biscuit dough, spacing evenly. Place dish in the oven and bake until berries are bubbling and biscuits are golden brown, about 35 minutes. Transfer the dish to a wire rack and let cool for 10 minutes. 6. Combine the yogurt and almond extract in a small bowl. Serve the biscuits and fruit with a dollop of flavored yogurt. Nutrition Information (per serving): Calories 318, Carbs 45g, Fiber 6g, Protein 9g, Total Fat 12g, Saturated Fat 7g Recipe from You Can Trust a Skinny Cook, Wiley Publishing.

The Art of Renewal By Julia Valentine

enaissance means a renewal of life, vigor and interest. It is the rebirth and revival that you can experience at any moment in our lives. Psychological age is flexible because it is personal and subjective. How old you feel can change in a split second. To say it more precisely, how vital and vibrant you feel can change very quickly.

Being Inspired by Nature

Look closer at the tall, venerable pine trees, and you will see new growth. Nature knows how to renew itself. We observe the change of seasons, but do we absorb its lessons of renewal? Does nature inspire you to renew your life? Being Inspired by Art The Birth of Venus, Sandro Botticelli

Have you ever seen someone who is upset and suddenly sees an adorable baby, or a small kitten? All of a sudden, their face changes, their eyes light up and their attention is focused on the pleasant sensations they are experiencing? Have you ever run into someone you had not seen in a while, and they looked younger and more radiant than the last time you saw them, because they fell in love or got the job that they wanted? Your psyche and your body have the ability to be transformed with joy and lightness. You are the master of your inner world, and you can change your psychological state. Let us discuss some of the ways in which it can be done.

Learning from Your Body

Skin cells, stomach lining, liver cells, the skeleton, blood cells constantly renew themselves. Our bodies have an amazing capacity for change. Our brain repairs and reorganizes itself in our sleep. Do you think of your body as a machine, or are you aware that some of your body is newly created at every moment? Learning From Children

Botticelliâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s painting depicts goddess Venus emerging from the sea, and although she is depicted as a full grown woman, she is completely new to this world. It is remarkable how art can transmit the frequency of renewal. If you appreciate art, can you use it to remind yourself how new and fresh to the world we can be at any moment?

Observe the natural wonder, spontaneity and curiosity of children. They

jump out of bed in the morning because they cannot wait to start their day. They play and learn. They ask a million questions a day. They run around until they drop with exhaustion, and then they rest fully. They are not carrying around the burden of old traumas, disappointments and frustration, but who said that YOU need to carry it? Learning from New Experiences New experiences, new ideas, skills, knowledge, perceptions are available to you at any time. It is entirely your decision to open yourself up to renewal. You can either travel to another continent, or attend a local art gallery opening. You can read a long book or a short article. Resources and time are not limiting factors here. Rather, it is your willingness to open yourself up to new experiences that can renew your mind and body that matter. Are you up for that?

Awareness Are you aware of your internal dialog regarding aging? Do you approach aging from the place of acceptance or resistance? Do you see any age as rewarding, or do you reserve that for only specific periods of your life? We have all been conditioned to think and behave in a certain way, either by consciously adopting thoughts and behaviors, or by unconsciously mimicking what we have observed in childhood. Have you been conditioned to behave in ways that are rigid, or can you be open and fluid? You have learned the aging process somewhere. Are you aware of what you have learned? If you close your eyes and quiet your mind, in this meditative state, you will experience your awareness. It is ageless. It is the reference point for your experiences from childhood to adulthood, the unchanging awareness that allows you to connect your experiences from the first to the last day of your life, even as your thoughts,

emotions and your body change every moment. Can you experience yourself as ageless?

You need to define the intention that feels right for you. Here are some examples:

Emotional Release

I am ageless.

Releasing emotional burdens will lighten up your psychological age. This is a multi-faceted topic, and we will just start with the basics: changing your emotional state in the moment, and releasing past stresses and traumas.

My mind and my body are constantly renewed. I am active. I am creative.

Concentrating on the present moment, you can learn to change your emotional state. For example, if you are in a slump, by taking a walk in nature, smelling a flower, calling a good friend, taking a few deep breaths, focusing on something that makes you happy.

I am joyful.

Releasing old negative emotions is essential, because they snowball through a simple mechanism: any new negative emotions or stresses will trigger a negative response based on past experiences, whereas positive emotions may be blocked by the shield of bad memories. This creates a cycle of tremendous burden on oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s psychological age. It drags you out of the present into your past.

This is an excerpt from Joy Compass: How to Make Your Retirement the Treasure of Your Life by Julia Valentine. Julia Valentine is founder and CEO of Joy Compass, the essential retirement design destination for people who want to be joyful and fulfilled at any age. Julia honed her research and analytical skills developing strategy and new products for an international Fortune 500 company. She holds an executive MBA from Columbia University.

Releasing deep seated emotional traumas can be accomplished through various modalities: breath work, yoga, meditation, psychoanalysis, and many others. There are simple techniques, such as being mindful and attentive to your body, and releasing deep-stored stresses by using your awareness. Meditation is especially invaluable in helping release the old traumas and stresses. Intention Setting your intention is an incredibly powerful act. It sets a direction that you, your thoughts, feelings and experiences will follow. If you expect to decline with age, it is going to become a self-fulfilling prophesy. If you intent to be active, ageless, vibrant and joyful, your psychological age will certainly reflect this. What is the intention you would like to set for yourself?

My energy level improves every day. What else would you like to add? 24/7

www.joycompass.com

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HAIR DESPAIR—HAIR REPAIR No More Bad Hair days By Rudy Ruffo

here isn’t a person I know who hasn’t had a bad-hair day. If you don’t feel your hair looks good, you don’t feel you look good. Many of us believe that we have endless hair problems to deal with—seemingly on a daily basis. Fortunately, many new products can help you handle hair crises—and your hairdresser can offer great suggestions too. What is hair repair? As a stylist I’ve been repairing hair for years. It consists of: cutting, conditioning, maintaining and using good products. If you take care of your hair, you won’t have to worry about repairing it. FINE FLYAWAY HAIR Quick Fix: Conditioner and a good gel Long-term solution: It all relates to your haircut. If your hair is fine and flyaway, you must consult with a good hairstylist about the length of your hair. I believe keeping a short bob is a good idea for this type of hair or just a shorter haircut. If you want longerlength hair, it must be conditioned. I think you should have scalp treatments at least once a month. Ask your hairstylist about it. The treatment is put into your scalp and then massaged. A heating cap will be put over the head and left on for about half an hour and then the head should be massaged

again. This really wakes up the scalp and deep conditions at the same time. You may see less static in the hair and less flyaway hair. I also believe that a healthy diet is a must for your hair, along with taking vitamins. I love making Caesar Salad, and if I don’t eat one every four or five days, I feel it changes the condition of my hair. I think olive oil is the ingredient that helps dry hair.

FRIZZY HAIR Quick Fix: Conditioner Long-term solution: You must keep your hair moisturized. Stay out of the sun or keep your hair covered. Moisture must penetrate under the cuticle. If you look at a rooftop, you will see shingles. Don’t clog the “shingles” on your head with harsh shampoo, conditioner, gels or wax. I still feel that a scalp treatment is good—but should not be overdone. There are so many brands of shampoos and conditioners. The product should contain wheat, corn and rice proteins because these ingredients will help to restore dry, damaged hair. Chemical treatments like—color, perms and straightening—should be done with great care or not at all.

OILY, GREASY HAIR

Quick Fix: It isn’t the end of the world to have oily hair. In fact, it’s quite natural. The oil helps protect your hair from the weather and sun. If you want to reduce the oil, wash it more often, but don’t use a very strong shampoo. If you are washing it frequently, give it just one shampoo. Try using a clarifying shampoo. Long-term solution: This is something I don’t recommend, but it is a long-term solution. If you don’t color your hair, but have been thinking about doing it, then it might be the time. Hair straightening, perming and color will dry out the oils to a certain extent.

FLAT HAIR Quick Fix: Back to the haircut. Your hair should be texturized to give it some body and a cut on the shorter side. On the other hand, I love the look of a cut that is meant to be flat and straight. Collect pictures of models with flat hair from magazines. You may be surprised at how many cool styles you can find. One just might suit you. And you can live with your hair happily ever after. Long-term solution: There are many gels that can help. You might have to experiment. If you have close friends, try sampling their

products—instead of buying every product on the market. Don’t clog your pores with thickening agents. They also can make your hair brittle.

STATIC HAIR Quick Fix: A good scalp treatment once a month can help. Ask your stylist to find you a hairstylist, who loves to provide this service. In my career, I have never done color. Instead, I have left that to the experts. I am a stylist, who loves to see hair in great condition and cut well, but I’ve always performed scalp treatments. They will vary in price because it’s a procedure that takes a bit of time. It would be ideal to have it done in a private room, where the noise level is low, so you can relax and enjoy it. This is the first step in fighting static hair. Long-term solution: Use a moisturizing shampoo and a conditioner, but try not to over-condition your hair because it might become unmanageable. Use a very mild hairspray on the brush and then run the brush through you hair to reduce the static. Let’s not forget the weather and the time of year. Cold weather and wearing hats will cause static. It will be more noticeable when you come in from the cold to a warm room. I often wear my hair a little wild, but if it gets too wild, I will dip a washcloth into hot water, wring it out, and let it sit on the spot that is flying away. It steams it down, so it’s a good hair trick. This also is good for correcting bed head! DULL HAIR Quick Fix: Put a shine product in your hands and work it through. Use a good moisturizing shampoo. Don’t over-condition your hair. You can get a buildup of product on your hair, so use a clarifying shampoo to remove it. Finding a shampoo and conditioner that are good for your hair can be a challenge, so stay away from products that claim they have both. Try to wash your hair every other day, if possible. Long-term solution: Be very careful

when using hot irons or curling irons. Use a very good round brush to blow your hair dry. Again, I recommend Olivia Garden brushes. Rinse your hair with cool or even cold water when you can. It will help keep the shine in. Trim your hair regularly. Make sure all your split ends are cut. SPLIT ENDS Quick Fix: Cut your hair. Never let more than three months go by before your next cut. Many years ago, hairdressers used this technique to remove split ends that could normally not be cut by just trimming the bottom of the hair. One-inch sections of hair were taken and twisted like a rope. Holding the end of the hair, and running fingers up the section of twisted hair toward the scalp, allowed the split ends to pop out. A lit candle was used in that procedure, and the ends were singed and sealed. I do not recommend that technique. Today, split ends can just as easily be trimmed off with a scissor. Long-term solution: Keep hair moisturized—and in good condition. Dry hair is more likely to split. Comb through your wet hair from the bottom up and work the tangles out to the top. Add a drop of shine or a good gel, and most of all, remember a good brush.

chemicals in your body can make the same formula change. Long-term solution: It can take a few visits with your colorist to get it to your liking. If you have experienced breakage, think about cutting your hair. Yes, shorter. If your hair is in a delicate condition, it needs to be cut back.

SUN-DAMAGED HAIR Quick fix: Immediately apply a conditioner—Cholesterol hair product—can work because it’s thick and intense. It must be washed out after 30 minutes on the hair. A heating cap can be used to deep condition the hair. Long-term solution: If there is an ongoing problem with sun-damaged hair, take precautions. Wear a swim cap and be sure your hair is conditioned. The conditioner will help prevent chlorine from penetrating the hair.

TANGLED HAIR Quick fix: Use a wide-tooth comb, start at the bottom and work up to the top.

BAD HAIRCUT Quick Fix: Use product and try to camouflage your bad haircut while you are pounding the pavement looking for a new great cutter. After you get a fabulous cut, pass the old salon and wave.

Long-term solution: Keep hair trimmed regularly to prevent spilt ends that help tangle hair. Use a good conditioner and comb through—again from the bottom up. Don’t use a gel that’s strong or a mega-hold hairspray, but use a shine glaze, which will help prevent tangling.

Long-term solution: Never go back. TOO MUCH HAIRSPRAY HAIR COLOR DISASTER Quick Fix: Return to your colorist and try to correct the problem ASAP. This is why I don’t do color. I have seen the best colorist create a disaster. Make sure before you color your hair for the first time that you are with the best. Never try to do it yourself initially. Maybe, later on, but even then the

Quick fix: To break it down temporarily, use a shine glaze. Long-term solution: Don’t use too much hairspray. Instead, apply it sparingly. If hairspray is a must, I like Rusk W8LESS, but don’t use W8LESS PLUS.

DISASTROUS PERM Quick fix: Cut it off! Long-term solution: Try not to get a perm—if your hair type is not a candidate for one. There are many styles you can have in lieu of a perm.

BLOW DRYING DAMAGE Quick fix: Run shine oil through your hair. Long-term solution: Section hair and start at the bottom. Never brush through wet hair from the top to the bottom, because it will tear the hair. Invest in a good brush like Olivia Garden brushes. Take your time, be gentle and don’t use a high-heat setting.

Rudy Ruffo is a celebrity stylist that worked at some of New York City’s most fashionable, upscale salons. He was the first hairstylist to receive a Clio citation for his work in television. His diverse celebrity clients have also included Sigourney Weaver, Ali McGraw, Joan Rivers, Frank Langella, Pat Cooper, Billie Jean King, Stan Getz, and Elvis Costello, to name just a few. He has styled hair for the Johnny Carson show, the MTV awards, major motion pictures, music videos, television commercials, and has traveled to photo shoots for national maga-

zines such as Brides, Modern Brides, Seventeen, Glamour, Mademoiselle, Ladies Home Journal, Woman’s Day, Family Circle, and Town & Country. Rudy created The Brush, a best-selling hair care tool sold nationally through catalogs and on his website

www. thebrush.com

OVERBLEACHING

AND

Quick fix: Deep condition with a Cholesterol hair product. Long-term solution: If your hair is subject to this problem, consult with a color expert and take precautions. An expert will give your hair a strand test to be sure of its porosity. If your colorist doesn’t check the condition of your hair, and avoids a strand test, it might be time to find a colorist who will take all measures to keep your hair healthy and the beautiful. I am not a colorist, but I have always educated my clients and recommended the finest colorists.

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BROKEN, BRITTLE HAIR Quick fix: Time for a major haircut and new look. Long-term solution: Why is your hair breaking and brittle? Even if you don’t color your hair, but have this problem, consult with an expert in color or talk to your hairdresser about this problem. 24/7

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Glowing Skin How to Achieve It? Take Baby Steps By Jane Ruffo

oticing fine lines? Maybe it’s caused by dehydration. Do a quick test at home to see. While looking in the mirror and pushing with your index finger from your jaw line to your cheek, see if you have a creepy appearance of fine lines. If so apply a moisture packed at home mask, leave it on for the recommended time, rinse off and then try the test again. Is your skin supple and smoother after you rinsed? If so, it was in fact dehydrated. If it looks the same, it’s just your skin starting to age. Go for the peptide, retinol, and anti oxidant enriched products. Treat yourself to a microdermabrasion treatment to exfoliate the dead cells. Is the color of your skin uneven with pink and red areas of discoloration and visible sun spots? If so, then this is how your skin reacted from sun exposure causing sun damage. Over the years, from not wearing sun protection, you can develop sagging, thinner skin and sun spots. For laxity in the skin you need to replenish the collagen that’s been depleted by the UV rays. Collagen is what keeps the skin tight and firm. By starting with a cream containing retinol and or peptides, your skin will start to improve and rebuild new collagen. The retinol will

help lighten the sunspots. These two signs of aging can be remedied with the creams and by the reduction of sun exposure. An SPF of 30 or higher needs to be applied every day to protect from the harsh rays of the sun. Enlarged pores are a common issue that can be improved but not changed totally. Sun damage can make pores look larger due to the loss of collagen in the skin. Excessive oil can increase the appearance of the pore size. Pores have a memory and cannot be reduced in size, sorry but true. On the other hand, you can work on making the pores appear smaller. Keep skin clean and exfoliated on a daily basis, include a pore-minimizing mask into your routine two times per week. Do not try to do extractions on your own, you can stretch your skin and the pores will change and appear larger, until the skin gets firmer with proper care. Any firming products with retinol will help diminish the appearance of enlarged pores.Retinol enhanced creams will help to keep oils away and firm the skin. Caring for the problems and concerns that you notice the most should be taken care of and be on your priority list. When you achieve a little bit of good skin satisfaction you will soon be on

your way to glowing skin. 24/7 Jane Ruffo is a licensed medical esthetician. Jane has spent the past 11 years working with some of New York City and Bergen County’s best dermatologists, Med Spas, and day spas, specializing in facials, microdermabrasions, chemical peels and makeovers. Over the past 25 years, Jane’s makeup has been seen in major magazines,television, and the MTV award shows. Jane continues education through dermatology and skin care conferences as well as getting advanced training in all aspects of skin care and anti aging procedures making her an expert in the field as skin care specialist. Jane can be contacted by email at HAVEAGREATDAYSPA@aol.com.