Selfishness in Life

Editor :

Deepak Desai

DADAVANI

March 2006, Vol. : 1, Issue : 5, Conti. Issue No.: 5

Selfishness in Life

Publisher, Owner & Printed by : Deepak Desai on behalf of Mahavideh Foundation, 5, Mamtapark Society, Usmanpura, Ahmedabad-380014 Gujarat, India.

EDITORIAL One proceeds in worldly life thinking that all those who are dear and close to him are for real and it is for their love and affection, he struggles hard in life, but in the end he finds it a betrayal. At such times, instead of coming closer to the real nature of the world, he binds new accounts of abhorrence with those who were involved in the interaction. The Gnanis however, have known this world to be selfish from a very long time. They do not get entangled in this web of the world, and instead they unfold the understanding that liberates one from it.

They reveal that when one realizes that the very relationship that one had based his existence on was nothing but a betrayal, leading to deep pain and suffering.

Revered Gnani Purush Dadashri lays bare the real nature of the so-called love in worldly life. Here by giving evidences he makes one realize that the so-called love is a myth. It is merely an infatuation and attraction. That which does not decrease or increase is love. This worldly love increases in pleasant events and leaves in unpleasant events so how can one depend on such fickleness? The love of a mother is considered to be the very highest, because there is minimal selfishness along with a high sacrifice in it, yet this love is blamed when the young man marries and brings home a wife, and forgets the love for his mother. Clash ensues and then one realizes that even this love is incomplete. The love between a husband and wife when evaluated critically turns out to be one of exchange of needs and selfish intents between the two. The relationship between the son and the father also turns out to be the selfish motive of the father. The son has his own agenda and motives and the worldly life continues. One does not have the true relationship with one’s own body, then how can one have a true relationship with the wife, children and parents? All this is to be understood within and not expressed openly. In the world one has to complete one’s worldly role as if in a drama, without creating any hurt to the other or new accounts of vengeance. And with such understanding, one has to become free from all selfish relationships and come to the permanent bliss of the Self, which is moksha. Only the one who is absolutely devoid of all worldly selfishness, and who has become the embodiment of pure love, can open up this vision and experience of real love for the world.

In the current issue of Dadavani the satsang with revered Dadashri lays bare the real nature of the worldly relationship that is based on the foundation of selfishness. Upon knowing this, one’s illusion is shattered and then one’s vision is turned to the path of liberation.

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Selfishness in Life (Please note that great care has been used to convey the exact message of Dadashri. Here ‘Y’ or ‘S’ refers to the awakened Self or the Self. For glossary of the terms, please refer to : www.dadashri.org/glossary.html and www.ultimatespirituality.org )

Selfishness exists everywhere except within the Gnani In the world is there selfishness or selflessness (parmarth)?

Questioner : Selfishness, everywhere.

Dadashri : Where? Where do you see it?

Que. : Except in a Gnani, selfishness exists everywhere in abounds.

Dada : Sheer selfishness exists everywhere except on the path of liberation (moksha).

There is no love, which is without selfishness in life Que. : Is the love of a mother superior in life?

Dada : What comes next?

Que. : No one else qualifies. All the rest are selfish.

Dada : Is that so? Even the love of a brother and that of a wife is selfish? You have not tested them?

Que. : I have experienced them all.

begins, nothing else is necessary. Outside of this definition of love, it is all attraction and attachment.

Behold this true love of ours (The Gnani and the Lord within)! It never increases or decreases. It is the same whenever you look.

The person with this love (Dadashri) appears the same whenever you see him. The love that flows towards you is also unchanged. It does not increase or decrease. If it were to increase it is an attraction. If it were to decrease it is also an attraction. The love is the Supreme Lord (paramatma). There is nothing else. This unchanging love is the Lord.

You should keep unchanging love towards all in the family. Yet you should say, ‘I miss you, when you are not around.’ You are to avoid fluctuations in your love (expressed in words). If you do not express these words, you will be blamed for becoming uninterested, so choose the words that would please them, while maintaining the unchanging love.

The love of the mother Que. : It is written in the scriptures that the love of the mother and the father, towards their children is the same, is that true?

Dada : These people, who are crying, and shedding tears, are not doing out of real love; they are tears of selfishness. That is not love; it is all attachment and attraction.

Selfishness creates attraction.

Dada : No, how can the poor parents maintain the same love? They are not God. Their love for their children is partial. Only the Lord can maintain the same love for all the children. My love is like that.

So what is the definition of love? It remains the same towards the one who appreciates you or insults you. It remains the same for the one who respects you with a garland or insults you with abusive words. This type of love should be there. It is the love of the Lord (paramatma prem). Once this love

All this is worldly love. They are misusing the term love. How can love be the term for the relationship with a wife? All these are associations based on selfish intents. The mother lives on due to her attachment (moha). She develops this attachment for the one who grew up in the belly. Even the cow has attachment

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for the calf, but it lasts only six months, whereas the mother’s attachment is there even when she becomes 60 years of age.

advantage of the world. There has to be a meaning and definition of the term ‘selflessness’, no?

Que. : Yes, but the love of the mother for the child is selfless, no?

Selfishness: Mother’s or baby’s?

Dada : It is not selfless love. The mother can never have selfless love for the child. What happens to the love, when the boy grows up, and insults her by saying, ‘hey you, wife of my father?’ At that time one would know whether it is selfless love. On that day the attachment of the mother will decrease and she will retort, ‘get lost, and never come here again.’ Now, is she not his father’s wife? Yes. But, one cannot say these words. She needs to hear sweet words. That is the attachment (moha).

The mother breast-feeds her baby. Why does she do it? What is her need in here?

Que. : Dada has said sometime ago, that if she does not breast feed her baby, she suffers.

Dada : Yes, she suffers. It is a natural happening that the nutrients that are ready for the baby are ready to express forth as milk, and she feels an irritation in her nipples, and if the baby does not suckle the milk, the mother will experience local pain.

Therefore even that love of the mother is not unselfish (nishkam). It is the attraction of the illusion (moha). Where there is illusion and attachment, there is no selflessness. Selfless love is without attraction.

At birth the off springs of dogs, cats and donkeys are teeth less otherwise they will bite the mother. These beings are not reliable. They will bite their own mother. Once the teeth come they are ready for other types of food.

Que. : You are right. This attraction for the baby increases as it grows. What happens when the baby is only six months old?

Attachment is associated with selfishness

Dada : Even at that time, it is merely attraction (asakti). The world is bound by attraction only. This attachment prevails all day long. It is bound due to this attraction. There is no love anywhere in this world at all.

Que. : What you say may be true for the father; however I have difficulty believing that it is so about the love of a mother.

Dada : It is like this. The father has some selfishness. The mother is not selfish with reference to the child. This is the difference.

The mother has moha. That is her attachment for her child. That is the attraction! It makes her forget everything in this world! In this state she is not selfless for even a second. The state of selflessness does not exist anywhere except within a Gnani (the enlightened one). And all these so called ‘selfless’ persons who move around claiming to be so, are in fact taking March 2006

Real love does not diminish or die under any circumstance. Love is that which is constant. All these situations are tests of love.

Yes, the world acknowledges the love of the mother.

Que. : You just valued the love of a mother, but not of a father. So will this gentleman here not feel bad?

Dada : Even then the mother’s love is tested. The mother delights upon seeing her son. Why? She is reminded, ‘ah, this young man spent 9 months in my belly.’ So the mother has the physical bond and the son has the physical bond with his mother. This is the oneness in the world. His blood has formed from what the mother ate. This therefore is the love of the common bond. However, really speaking, this is not love. This is love indeed speaking from the relative perspective. So some resemblance of love is evident in the love of a 3

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mother, and that too is relative physical bond level (pudgalik) love. So, what is the limit of this love? If the son attacks something very dear to the mother, the love will break and the son will leave her.

Dada : Yes, it is selfless to a very significant extent and that is why the love of a mother is praised so much.

This is a relative relationship, not a real one. If it was real love, the son will also accompany the father when the father dies.

Does anyone do this?

Dada : It is like this: If one asks, ‘Is there such a thing as love in this world?’ Then to give the proof of love, one can show him the love of the mother. Anywhere else there is no love. Of all the love in the world, this is the only one worth praising. This is because there is sacrifice in that love.

Que. : No, no one.

Dada : Not a single exception? The father dies; the son is so overcome with love that he also is willing to die to be with his father. Have there been such cases in Bombay?

Que. : No. Dada : So then what do they do at the Crematorium?

Que. : They burn the body.

Dada : Is that so? Then, do they not come home and have a meal? They eat, no?

This is the way it is. Everyone knows that these relations are temporary. The one, who has gone, is gone. The rest come home and eat in peace.

Que. : So then when a person dies, do we cry because of our attachment (moha) for him, or is it because of our pure (shuddha) love for him?

Dada : Pure love does not exist anywhere in the world. All cry because of their attachment. Without a selfish intent, there is no relation in the world, and where there is a selfish intent, attachment exists. There is a selfish motive with the mother too. The world may be deluded into thinking that the love with the mother was pure love. But even the mother cannot be without selfishness. Yes, her selfishness is limited and therefore her love has been praised by the world. Her love is associated with the least selfishness. Even her love is the result of the illusion of attachment.

Que. : That’s true. But the love of a mother can be selfless, can't it?

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Que. : Even then you call it a ‘moha’.

Que. : If this is the role of the mother in love, then what is the role of the father in it?

Dada : The love of the father is selfish.

He will say, ‘he is going to propagate my name and fame.’ Only the love of the mother is natural, and without much expectations. Her expectations are, ‘he will grow older, and later will take care of me.’ And where there is any expectation, there is no love. Love is a totally different thing. Currently, you are seeing and feeling my love, if you connect. In this entire world, I desire nothing. All the wealth of the world has no value to me; it does nothing for me. Not a single thought of a sexual nature ever crosses my mind. I am absolutely separate from this body, and I live within it as a neighbour.

Love is devoid of all selfishness If someone wonders, ‘is the love between a man and a woman not love?’ then I will explain that, that which increases or decreases is not real love. This love increases a lot on the day you buy her diamond earrings and if you do not, when she wants it, the love decreases.

This is not love.

Que. : What is real love like?

Dada : It remains constant; it does not increase or decrease. It looks the same. This other one remains as long as you do something for the other, and if you do not do anything, (fulfill the expectations or demands) the love breaks. How can it be called love?

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The husband sees that the woman has so many saris and yet she goes to buy more, so she has the moha (deluded attachment) for them. If she is buying a sari because she does not have any to wear, it is understandable. So then all this is nothing but moha only.

This world is filled with selfishness. The selfishness exists as long as the ego, ‘I am’ exists. And wherever there is selfishness, love cannot exist. And where there is love, selfishness cannot remain.

And where there is no selfishness at all there is pure love. When does selfishness leave?

Where, ‘mine-yours’ is absent, selfishness is absent. Where, ‘mine-yours’ exists, selfishness exists for sure, and where ‘mine-yours’ exists, ignorance exists. ‘Mine-yours’ arose because of ignorance. When does ‘mine-yours’ leave?

When Gnan (the knowledge as the Self) arises.

Without Gnan, ‘mine-yours’ is there for sure, no? Even then, this is a difficult thing to understand.

That which the world calls love is the language of illusion. It is the language of deception. The warmth and security of real love (alaukik, non worldly love) is altogether different.

Love is the highest thing in this world.

Worldly love is associated with abhorrence Real love used to exist in Satyug (past era of the time cycle, of harmony). It was good then. In Kaliyug, the current era of the time cycle, the human beings are so unpredictable and strange. The parents after much search finally find a handsome and good husband for their daughter, and get her married to him, only to find that he is bad and her entire life is ruined. Would a husband who loves his wife, quarrel with her if the meal turns out to be unpalatable even once in awhile? Yes, he would begin a clash by saying, ‘you are senseless, and you are like that.’ When he gets served with good food daily, he does not compliment her, and just for a single day of the unpalatable food, he creates uproar! So there is nothing like March 2006

love, only selfishness everywhere.

Where love overflows or increases, dislike and abhorrence exist and this is human nature.

When a loved one becomes sick for a prolonged period one becomes tired and disgruntled with him. Dislike sets in. ‘You leave now or leave me alone, and such words begin.’ One must not expect love from the husband, and if he expects love from you, he is a fool. This is nothing but a relationship of getting the work of life done. Does one ever go to a hotel owner to begin a home life? If you go for tea, you return after paying the bill. In the same manner, accomplish your work at the home with him, and do not expect anything more.

The man praises a woman for selfish needs Que. : Recently, you spoke about man becoming a source of encouragement for a woman perpetuating her deceit. In this, man is the main cause. The advances of the man deceive the woman. In our worldly dealings, if I am at all responsible for worsening her deceit that is part of her nature as a woman, please do a vidhi (special blessing) for me so that I may be freed from this responsibility.

Dada : Yes, I will do the vidhi for you.

Man is responsible for the increase in deceit of the woman. Many men are unaware of their responsibility in this. Even while he is following my Agnas in every way, what does he tell the woman when trying to enjoy her sexually? He would tell her that there is nothing wrong in what they are doing. So the poor woman gives in. She does not want to have sex and wasn’t going to do so. Yet her prakruti, her nature as a woman is such that it is difficult for her to rise above sex, so it (the non-Self complex) becomes excited at that time. But who is responsible for this result? The man is. The prakruti becomes happy at that time, but who encouraged it? The man did. Some women are smart about this approach from the man, and they resist. In this situation, the man will seduce her by saying, ‘you are very intelligent,’ and 5

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praises her a lot, and even if she has no desire for sex, she gives in. In all her work, such a man praises and encourages her, and in this flirting, her own husband’s faults are exaggerated in her mind. Does this happen?

Que. : Yes, it happens.

Dada : All these women have slipped because of this. Anyone who makes them feel good becomes the cause of their slippage (spiritual). This is a very fine point and difficult to comprehend.

Que. : Yes, I understand, Dada.

Dada : Now the man is just trying to accomplish his selfish intent, and the woman gets trapped in the disease. The disease (of deceit) enters her permanently. The man turns out to be selfish, and this goes on. The man gets done with his needs and comes off ‘clean’ whereas the woman gets burdened further with the ever-increasing deceit (of which she is unaware), which perpetuates her role as a woman life after life. Her interest in this binds her further as her nature as a woman is reinforced.

Let me give another example. Say you have a teenager and you abuse him, verbally and physically, for not obeying you. He gets upset each time and takes off from the home.

Say this type of moldings of the prakruti (the Gnani addresses the non-Self complex of the boy) happens five to seven times. Would the boy not get fed up and exasperated with the parents?

Que. : Yes, he would be fed up.

Dada : This is because the parents do not know how to raise the boy. These days the parents do not know how to interact with their children to bring out their best. So the boy would be naturally fed up. Now what will the neighbour lady do? ‘Come, come here my son.’ ‘Hey get some snacks from inside’, she invites and feeds him. Then will this boy not do what she says?

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Que. : Yes, he will do her work, while developing abhorrence towards his parents.

Dada : And, for the neighbour lady?

Que. : He starts liking her. He is ready to do whatever she tells him to.

Dada : In the same manner, the wife starts developing abhorrence against her husband. By nature she likes sex. The other man is now complimenting her profusely. So he starts appearing handsome to her in comparison with her husband. The man is only interested in enjoying her sexually and so keeps encouraging her work and complimenting her. The woman thinks, ‘I am so smart.’ (She has been disparaged by her husband’s criticisms). This is how she becomes entangled and slips in the affair and spiritually. Does anyone here understand this?

Que. : Yes Dada, we do.

All that is not for the Self is selfishness Dada : What is real selfishness? ‘Swa’ means the Self, Atma. ‘Swarth’ means for the Self. Whatever is done for the Self is swarth (selfishness). Whatever is going on in the world, the selfishness of the world is really ‘par’ (non) ‘arth’(cause), not for the Self. Here it is all for the non-self. All the selfishness that is done is for the other, not the Self. Nothing comes (accompanies after death) with You (the Self).

Someone will say, ‘are these children not yours?’ This very body is not Yours, how can the son or the daughter become Yours? Yet, in worldly interactions, the son is a son; and the daughter is a daughter; and they have to be taken care of, as the need arises. One has to fulfill all worldly duties and responsibilities as a parent. This account of the relationship and the responsibility for it too, has happened naturally and will be taken care of naturally. There is no need to worry about it. Would it be natural to keep clutching your son in your lap all day long?

The boy will get fed up and bite you. So there has to be some limits.

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These children are the accounts of past life. They are here because past life accounts remain to be settled. They are the results of causes (karma of attraction) laid in the past life and the continued attraction is the cause for more of the same in the next life. The attraction leads to accounts of revenge and the revenge account is settled in this life as it (the relationship in this life) extracts from you ‘your pound of flesh.’

Que. : I do not understand, ‘the children extract their pound of flesh, and settle the account of vengeance,’ please explain.

Dada : If you had bound an account of care and affection (sneha) with him in the past life, then in this life he leaves after giving you a lot of affection and love. If you had bound an account of abhorrence and repulsion with him in the past life, then no matter how much care and affection you shower on him in this life, he will continue his account of abhorrence with you and therefore will hurt you time after time.

It is therefore easy to deal with the past life account of love and affection, but it is very difficult to deal with accounts of vengeance (veir) from past life, as it unfolds in front of you. Why am I giving importance to vengeance and its account? It is because it is very difficult to deal with. The account that was created due to affection and worldly love is easy to deal with. Alas, in this era of Kaliyug (the fifth one of the current time, characterized by discord and lack of unity of thoughts, speech and acts) the accounts of love are minimal and the accounts of vengeance are predominant and abundant.

It is the unfortunate oddity of this era that those who live together in a home are the very ones who accuse each other by saying, ‘you did this, you are the one who spoiled it, you are the reason for this misfortune.’ If one protests, ‘no, I have not done this’, they will continue to accuse you of the doer ship. And as long as there is a profit one says, ‘welcome, welcome, have a seat.’ And when there is a March 2006

loss they say, ‘you are the cause of this ruin, you have no sense.’ Thus everyone keeps accusing each other falsely. These accusations are very bitter and they hurt. These accusations bind new causes of revenge within. So even as one hears them, one binds a negative intent within, ‘he has hurt me, he has trapped me, when the time comes, I will get even.’ And when the time arises for him to criticize the other person for an event that has gone wrong, he gives it back by further accusations, ‘you spoiled this,’ and in turn binds further inner causes for more revenge with that person in the next life as well. In other words, when you find yourself trapped with a circumstance of being accused, then at that time you tolerate it, but when your time comes to give it back, when he is trapped (by a circumstance unfolding negatively), you take your revenge by accusing him. This is how the world has arisen; this is how one continues to wander life after life.

The world (life after life reentry), is perpetuated by the seed of revenge. It is not perpetuated by love. Love does not create such bondage. Yet, it is from this worldly love that revenge arises. How does vengeance arise? It arises from attraction (asakti) only. So therefore it is not worth harboring any trace of dislike (abhaav) for the son, neither does it call for you to cling on to him tightly and satisfy all his whims and needs. In all interactions, there should not be any attraction (that which makes one forget the Self, if enlightened; makes one forget the self, if not enlightened). There should be normality. Normality is the need of the day.

Normality (neither attraction, nor repulsion) is needed in all worldly interactions.

The love that betrays I am giving you the keys to live life that will lead to liberation. Otherwise, as a father if you give away your earnings to the son, he will squander it all and demand more on top. If you say and protest, ‘this is my hard earned life savings,’ he will reply, ‘so what?’ If you do not hand it over, I will kill you. Are these empty 7

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threats? Has this not happened to kings and emperors in Delhi? Have you heard this?

Que. : Yes. Dada : Why would he kill? He would, to enjoy the kingdom. He will connive and think, ‘how much longer is this old man going to linger on as the king? If he continues, I will never become a king. If I become a king as an old man, what is the use? Why should I not be the king in the energy of my youth?’ And then he will kill the father.

This is a lighthearted talk for amusement only. If you like it you may take it seriously. If you do not, leave it here and after the satsang is over in this home of the Patel (referring to A.M. Patel), it will be swept off with the sweeping that is done after everyone leaves.

Did you like some of it?

Que. : True. This talk is absolutely true.

Dada : What would be my (selfish) interest in raising this talk?

Que. : None, whatsoever.

The worldly relations are selfish In my neighborhood lived a near-blind old woman with her son. The old lady took care of the home and worked hard taking care of her son’s needs. One day her son brought his boss home with him. This guy was the boss of the home, and the other was the boss of the office. So both came home. Upon entering the home, the son thought, ‘if my boss sees this old lady, I would lose my respect.’ So the mooah (the one who is going to die someday, a nonspecific term Dadashri has used in varying contexts) tells his mother, in the presence of his boss, ‘hey you blind one, get lost from here!’

The stupid fool thus kicked his mother to keep his ‘respect’ in front of his boss! Idiotic big boss! A dead sack of respect! Is he supposed to protect the honor of the mother or the boss?

On our return from Calcutta to Baroda, if we see some lovely mangoes, we will bring 8

the entire large round basket carefully with us, even if there is no laborer to help us carry it with us. Once we bring the mangoes here, we eat them with relish and discard the stone(seed) and the skin. Wait a minute; you carried the weight of these mangoes all the way from Calcutta! Why discard it? Then he replies my work was with the juice only. Likewise the human beings too will discard you when you are just skin and bones and the juice is gone.

Why are you buying the mangoes? For the juice, for the taste, and therefore this world is based on selfishness. You are best off therefore to be with your Lord within, and if you get moksha (so that you do not have to return here life after life), your work is done, otherwise be ready for the kicks of the world like the blind woman received.

As a youth, I have seen with my very eyes. There was a blind old man eating his meal. The boys would go and quietly place pebbles in his food plate. The poor old man would shout after such mistreatment. This would only incite the boys to do the same again.

Such is the world. There is no telling how many more times one will have to return to the world.

One could take a breather if one has attained the Self, and is going to be liberated in two to three life times. Here there is no such guarantee and yet the people are so attached (moha) to this world.

One has taken sheer beatings, infinite lifetime beatings of moha (deluded worldly conduct, attachment, ‘I am Chandulal’)! Now having arrived, taken birth in India, it does not suit us to take the beatings of moha anymore.

As long as one was outside India, it was fine to take the beating.

This world is such that when you are in real need, no one will be there to help you. No one will be your real relative at such times.

The young daughter-in-law would serve her mother-in-law faithfully daily, and yet when she herself develops a stomach-ache, the older lady March 2006

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would simply say, go take some carom seeds.

Anyone can give such advice. Will the motherin-law take away the pain of the young woman?

Can even the husband or her children take away her stomach-ache? The world is such that it will take all the work out of the ox, until it becomes lame and when he stops walking, he is taken to the butchers shop. The father is welcomed and loved as long as he is earning money, but when he stops working, the members in the home will say, ‘why don’t you sit aside here, out of the way? You keep butting in, you have no sense.’ This is how the world is. It is a total betrayal! If it were in any way true, would not Dada tell you where the relationship is true? But this is a total betrayal. Never has it been a true relation. It never allows anyone to rest for a minute. Even when someone wants to come here for satsang or just for darshan (see the Gnani) he is prevented! The ones who have been allowed to come here are fortunate.

The cat forces her mouth through the narrow mouthed pot. Then it cannot extract its head out. Why does she do this? For her own selfishness and greed only. That selfishness and greed is the ignorance. Therefore what do we need to learn?

Who am I? What is my relationship and role with this (person or object)?

Will this (person or object) ever become mine?

You keep brushing these teeth for the past 65 years, and yet they remain soiled. So then should it not arise in your understanding whether, the teeth are really yours or not, true to you or not? You keep cleaning your tongue the entire life and yet it remains coated with filth! So much care had been given to these teeth daily, but in the end it betrays you when it starts hurting. This is how the world is.

There is no reward for doing your duty Have you ever done anything out of your March 2006

own free will (marjiat)?

Que. : No. Dada : So then have you done anything that was mandatory (farjiat)? Is there a prize for doing anything that is done as part of your duty (farjiat)?

Que. : No, there is no prize.

Dada : Yes, the prize is for that which is done out of one’s free will. A man was looking for a prize for doing something that was part of his duty. In fact the whole world too, claims a prize by saying, ‘I have done so much, you are not taking note of it, you have no appreciation for what I have done.’ Oh mooah! (Dadashri’s term for shaking up the one he wants to awaken to the reality of the world) why look for appreciation? What you have done is all that you had no choice in, it was mandatory and it was your duty. A man was scolding his son, ‘I have raised you and done so much for you. I have incurred debts to educate you. If I had not borrowed money for you, you would have become a street bum.’ Why spoil it all by saying such nonsense? It was all mandatory. You cannot talk thus. The son is wise. What if he were to ask his father, who educated you?

Uneducated people talk such nonsense and do not understand anything. There is simply no awareness in this matter. They have no awareness in matters of this spiritual science.

Yes, they are aware in matters of selfish interests. And that selfishness, is really speaking selfishness for the non-Self (pararth, has no benefit to the Self, and hence it is not true selfishness).

The son will say, ‘what is the big deal about your paying my school fees? Who paid your fees? It is all your duty, what have you done in it?’ Yes, fulfill your duties, because it is all mandatory. Then only you will command some respect. Settle all these ‘files’ (term used

by Dadashri for the non-Self accounts, presenting in this life as individuals) with equanimity, and then your respect will be 9

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maintained, otherwise not. So therefore, the father cannot claim the doer ship of having educated his son. Educating his son is his duty.

When the teacher is unselfish then the student understands In comparison with our people in India, our people here in the USA excel. See how they smile and laugh? Do they have any nittygritty nagging attitude of attachment and abhorrence with each other? Do they bother with or interfere in small details and life of each other? It is to be commended.

Que. : Yes, and they openly say it as it is.

Dada : These people here need someone to make them understand. Once they understand they get along very well. The problem is that the right spiritual teacher is not there to make them understand. Those who do come here to do so, have their own selfish motives and interests. The one who has a selfish intent can never make you understand the truth.

Only the one who is selfless can make people understand the truth.

Que. : Here in this country, our elders are not around, so who would make us understand?

Dada : Yes, when the one, who can make one understand, is not around, confusion will arise. What can be done?

Que. : So then, under such circumstances when there is no one around for us to understand the right view, what should we do?

Dada : We should pray to the Lord, and He will make you meet one.

Correct understanding is that which is needed for harmonious living with the children, as it is applied in daily life. Their life also improves. How should one live a life with the wife, the father, and the mother? What is the right way to interact with each other, the creditors, and those who owe us money? If 10

one understands all this, his life will proceed smoothly, if not, he will experience tension and confusion. Now we come across some ‘saints’ who say, ‘I will take away all your pains and miseries.’ Have you heard this?

Que. : Yes, I have.

Dada : Did you believe it?

Que. : No. Dada : You did not believe it, but you heard it, no? Yet there will be the believers of that too, no? If there are these ‘relievers’ of the misery, then there is bound to be the believers, no? Such ‘relievers’ arise because of the existence of the believers first, no? Greedy people (lalachoo)! The insatiable greed is, ‘a son should born in the home of my son.’ Oh mooah! You already have a son! Why this insatiable greed (lalach)? Alas, these people are insatiably greedy. How should man live his life?

One should have some independence in life.

Even a life of illusion is preferred over a life of such gluttonous greed (lalach).

The entire world is searching for this knowledge of worldly interaction (vyavahar gnan) that brings harmony in life. This is not religion. This is the solution to daily life problems.

This is the knowledge of how to live the daily life and bring about the solutions to the constant puzzles that arise. One learns how to ‘adjust’ (make internal corrective adjustments) with the wife, how to adjust with the children. There are all kinds of solutions to these here.

The power and the energy of these words of this speech is such it puts an end to all clashes that arise between different persons in the home. Everything comes to a harmonious level with this speech. The world is searching for the speech that will end all miseries. This is because no one has ever shown such solutions.

None of the solutions that are directly applicable have ever been shown.

Que. : And each and every solution of yours Dada is surefire and precise.

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Dada : Yes, precise and surefire.

The attachment for the children melts with right understanding One of the sons of my mother’s brother (mama) was a contractor. He was excessively intrusive in the lives of his grown up children.

I told him, ‘do you keep a photograph of my mama ?’ He replied, ‘sure I do.’ Then I asked, ‘do you worship and revere the picture (a tradition in Indian homes to worship the deceased parent)?’ He replied, ‘no we do not do any worship.’ So then I asked him, ‘so do you think your sons will worship and respect you?’ He then answered, ‘nowadays no body will do that!’ I told him, ‘Take it easy. Why are you taking so much beating of your own attachment (moha, the illusion that makes one oblivious of reality)? Start the straight path now.’

He said, ‘now I understand. I used to think all along that it was my duty to do all that (micro manage the life of grown up children).’ Then I gave him the understanding that, it would be wrong not to take care of children’s education.

It would be wrong not to help him find a life partner in marriage. It would also be wrong not to help your son or daughter in her quest to get settled in her chosen means of making a living.

Beyond that if you interfere and meddle in their life, then the world would say, ‘this old man is not leaving them alone and is constantly hovering around their home.’ The people of the world will say as they see. Ah my brother, in the past you used to say things in my favor of the children and even now you are taking their side? Yet, this is called worldly justice. This is worth understanding; one takes so many beatings and goes through so much to help the other, and yet the son has no sense of gratitude. If the son is indeed grateful, ‘my father has done so much for me,’ then all this effort and beating is worth it.

Que. : But he would not agree that he should be grateful.

Dada : Yes, anybody would not think he March 2006

should be grateful.

Now the worldly people would say, ‘these people have gone so far in Dada’s religion (Akram Vignan) and still their inclinations are stuck in their children and grand children!’ then should you not understand that something is amiss? They are saying what is natural and correct. Otherwise you will not have to hear such words. Now you have taken care of all the needs of the son. Now he has no authority over you nor can he claim anything from you.

Therefore, you should attend to your life affairs from here on. Even if you have more than enough money, that money is yours, not your son’s. So now tell me, how much responsibilities and duties do you have towards your son?

Que. : Until he finishes his education and starts earning.

Dada : Yes, you have to pay attention, until he begins earning and gets settled in life.

Thereafter you should not meddle by repeatedly going to him and telling him, ‘you are not managing the business well.’ If you keep doing this what will happen? What will his wife say?

She will say, ‘my father-in-law is a very bad man.’ I hear such words from these young wives. They say, ‘even though we live in our own home, he keeps meddling in our life and does not let us live in peace.’ Behold! You had gone there to help him and you got this prize (!)

This is the kind of beating he suffers. When the son says, ‘I am fine now, there is no problem,’ you fool, he is liberating you! Do you find this appealing? Even the people around are saying, ‘you have gained Dada’s Gnan now, why are you struggling so much for your son?’

The people will speak this way and that other way too. If you do not pay his fees, they will blame you. We have to accept what the people are saying. You have to understand your duties towards your children and after he is settled, you may tell him, ‘if you run into any problems, write to me.’ Then he will say, ‘thanks dad, I am fine.’ Thereafter, you should not to interfere.

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The art of dealing with children on issues of money You should keep aside your core money (money for future living needs) with you. You should not give this to anyone. If you give it, do not expect to get it back. After giving it, if you keep saying, ‘please give me, give me,’ he will not. If you tell him, ‘give me 10,000 now,’ he will say, ‘I am a little short right now, how can I give it?’ You fool, are you regretting after giving it? If you let loose your oxen in the dark night and then call for them will they return?

So, tell the son, ‘you take care of your life, I am fine.’

Que. : Is that not being selfish?

Dada : Now why are you looking at selfishness and selflessness here? This is not selfishness. It is sheer pararth (looking after the other). You are living for the benefit of the other. Pararth! It is neither selfishness nor selflessness (parmarth). We (means of addressing the Gnani and the enlightened Lord within), the Gnani Purush are called selfish.

And all of you (mahatmas) have been made selfish. To live for the Self (atmarth) is called swarth (swa = self, arth= for) is the real definition of selfishness. Who is swa? Atma!

This one is calling ‘Chandubhai’ (the non-Self complex) as swa, ‘I’. ‘I am Chandubhai.’ Hey that is par (non-Self) arth. That is for the nonSelf! The son will be having a meal while they are waiting for your remaining body parts to burn to ashes! And here you think, that your son will do something for you, no?

Look, say you gave your son 200,000 rupees. Then later you tell him, ‘tomorrow I need to give someone 10,000, so please give that much to me.’ He will reply, ‘money is tight for me now, if you need you may take 100 or 200.’ Then you are to understand, that Jai Sat Chit Anand! (Colloquial use here to remind one of reality) In my next life, I will not forget! I have bound the knot within that will not let me forget such betrayal.

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I had tied such mental knots (in my life prior to enlightenment in 1958). I am aware of them now. Having said, ‘Jai Sat Chit Anand’ once, I knew that this being cheated is done with. No further situation shall arise where anyone would treat me thus, and take advantage of me. I would never get cheated again. You should not keep such attachment for children.

If he is in dire strait, then give him if you have it. But what is the meaning of such attachment and complicating relationships unnecessarily?

The old man would be at the son’s shop bright and early. He would tell his daughter-inlaw, ‘how come the business is slow, it doesn’t look like he is making any money.’ She would reply tersely, ‘he has gone to the toilet. Say whatever you want to on his face when he comes out of the toilet.’ Now when he tells the son, he will say, ‘dad, why don’t you have a cup of tea and let me sit here in peace?’ Then should the old man not understand that, ‘is he the father or am I the father?’ He has taken so many beatings in this world (sansar) and yet it continues, ‘this fatherhood’! He has taken horrible beatings. Whose? He has suffered from such beatings from these offspring only, life after life. How are the ones who are ‘not yours’ (parka) going to give you any suffering? Yes, the sufferings come from these offspring that one calls ‘mine’ (the moha, illusion). Indeed, there should not be any complains from them.

That is your duty (faraj) and you are duty bound (farjiat). This is not empty talk. The worldly people (in contrast to those who are on the path of liberation) think that this is all under their control, free will (marjiat). Will you try to absorb all these talks or not?

Que. : Yes, I am beginning to understand.

Dada : Then it is good. The solution comes with understanding. Infinite lives have passed without this understanding. You understand all this, no? Did you tie a knot or not? Tie a big knot (never to be deluded again).

See how I rest now after tying the knot.

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Your current faith on your son is, ‘there is no one like my son.’ When you get the taste (of the betrayal of the selfish) then you will know.

A twenty-five year old boy and a fiftyyear-old father, what will happen to these two egos? Will they clash or will they become one?

Que. : If one sublimates the ego, then it will not clash.

Dada : Even then, it is the law of nature that as long as it is there, sooner or later, a day will come when it will clash. On that day you will feel like renouncing the world. Instead it is better to become aware in advance and renounce without the suffering. Instead of letting the feelings of rejection arise on that day of the clash, when you will feel like rejecting them all, is it not better to remember Dadashri’s teachings and learn the limits and boundaries of your duty towards your children?

The relationship between sex and kashaya One has married in infinite previous lives, and yet is he able to escape the attachment for a woman? In every life he has had children, and yet is he able to be free from attachment for the offspring? Hey you! In which previous life have you not had any children?

Que. : All these clashes and kashays (anger-pride-deceit and greed) that happen, its root cause is sex, no?

Dada : Yes, it is all due to sex. He has become an expert in sexual issues. He finds great taste in it. There is inner selfishness in such an individual. It is because of this selfishness that clashes arise within and with others. When there is a selfish intent then one loses all reason and cannot see clearly. The selfish person is always blind. The selfish one, the greedy one, and the intensely greedy (lalachu) one are all blind. The world rests on the foundation of the five-sense gratification (five vishays). The one who is free from this need for gratification, (vishaya), is free from all March 2006

clashes.

Que. : One may be free form this need for sensual gratification (sex included, vishaya), but because of this what if the other person (partner, companion spouse) develops clashes and problems?

Dada : Why would anyone else have any problems? Yes, if this happens to any such individual, then it is his or her own fault. If this has arisen out of a just approach and adjustment, there would be no pain, but what can one do if one invites such clashes deliberately? It is better if one can adjust with the other person and make him or her see your point of view.

Que. : If Gnan is present then can one apply a quick brake?

Dada : Nothing can be said for sure, one may slip again. Even the ones with Gnan will slip in these matters of sexuality and sense gratification. If there is one with common-sense around, common-sense being that which is applicable everywhere, then such a person will show the way out, and avoid a clash or disaster.

But such experts are rare.

Que. : Does the one with common sense have inner burning of discontent and desire?

Dada : No. The common sense will never arise if there is the burning. The burning exists in the one who has vishaya, the one who is sunk in sexual indulgence. As long as there is the burning of inner discontent and desire, sexual indulgence continues and as long as sexuality exists the inner fire continues.

Selfishness prevents full common sense Que. : One who has common sense is free from any problems, and nothing happens to him, but does he ever become the cause (instrument, nimit) for pain and miseries for another person encountering him?

Dada : Yes, it may happen. It will happen if the other person is weak, and he will be hurt.

In this world the weak person will become 13

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miserable. The misery is proportional to the inner weakness. What can a stronger person do if a weaker person feels miserable? If there is a huge ugly man walking around and the people who see him run away with fear, what can the man do? What is his fault?

Que. : A person may have the art of pleasing others with his words and actions, and with such a gift, he is able to accomplish his work through others, no?

Dada : All that may be there, but deep within, all those gifts is the result of selfish intents, and they are not good. Such gifts prevent the expression of complete common sense. Where the slightest selfish motive exists, common sense does not become complete. Only the common sense without any selfishness is worthy. Thereafter, all the pleasing of the other is selfless, and with the aim of keeping the other free from any hurt. The worldly people on the other hand, please others for selfish reasons of fulfilling their selfish goals and desires, and therefore such people never develop full common sense. This is because the common sense gets used up in the selfish aim and intent.

Selflessness leads to full common sense Que. : The one who has become an expert in worldly interaction, is the true expert, no?

Dada : Yes, the world calls such a person an expert. But the one who has developed the common sense to its fullest is even higher than the expert in worldly interactions. In the expert the common sense is one sided whereas in the other individual (vyavaharikta), the common sense is from all perspectives and is fully developed. The expert becomes inadequate in other situations, beyond his expertise.

Que. : The expertise is limited in certain fields only?

Dada : Yes, in other areas he becomes weak and inadequate.

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Que. : When one sees the worldly interactions through the common sense, it is all a calculated (through the medium of the intellect) approach. And when one sees it through Gnan (enlightened world view), one never sees the other as the ‘doer’, sees all under the realm of vyavasthit- scientific circumstantial evidences. What is the difference between the two solutions that have been used in the worldly interactions?

Dada : The solution of our Gnan is of a different order.

Que. : Of the two, which is superior?

Dada : The solution of the common sense is superior. Gnan does not have this level and extent of solution (specific).

Que. : When one gets the solution of Gnan, all inner burning and turmoil stops.

Dada : Yes, it does. But the external worldly work still remains, no? In this respect our mahatmas fall short; the Gnan is not useful in bringing the solution to the worldly task at hand. Our mahatmas lack this common sense.

He (mahatma, one who has received the knowledge of the Self) marries a young woman, but does not know how to interact with her, and settle the relationship with equanimity. Even these sadhus, and acharyas (spiritual masters of the kramik path) would run away on the third day, if they were made to marry a woman!

Why? They simply have no knowledge of how to deal with a woman.

Que. : The one with common sense will lose with reference to this Gnan, because he will be preoccupied with worldly interactions, no?

Dada : That is not called common sense.

That is simply the result of selfish intent. Such worldly interaction is one sided. The common sense is that which is applicable everywhere, has 360 degrees of applicability. Such a person is not an expert in any specific task or matter.

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Que. : But the expert’s expertise is in worldly interactions (vyavaharikta), no?

increasing and the common sense keeps blossoming, everything blooms.

Dada : The expert’s involvement is in one or two worldly tasks only. In other matters he has no expertise. In other matters he may have zero expertise. The one with common sense does not have a zero in any matter.

Que. : Does the common sense increase because of the clashes that happen? Assuming that he knows how to make a critical evaluation (taran) of the event of the clash?

Que. : Dada, is there any connection between common sense and Gnan?

Dada : The only connection is that the Gnan is selfless. The one who is going to attain Gnan has arrived at the stage of selflessness.

After attaining Gnan, both the Gnan and the common sense, blossom. Otherwise there is no connection between Gnan and common sense.

All of you here (mahatmas) have Gnan, no? It is because of the lack of any selfish intent, selflessness that both the common sense and Gnan continue to bloom in you. And the one who is selfish, his common sense becomes one sided and the Gnan will not blossom at all.

Que. : But the worldly interactions ability (vyavaharikta) will improve for the one who has a selfish interest?

Dada : There will be limited improvement in specific matters only. That which is one sided, focused, and unilateral is not considered common sense. That is why I have used the English language term ‘everywhere applicable,’ so that people will not make their own ‘convenient’ meaning in their own language.

Que. : But Dada, the person may or may not have any internal attachment (raag) or abhorrence (dwesh), in this.

Dada : If one proceeds selflessly, then attachment and abhorrence will keep decreasing. Only the selfish one has all the attachment and the abhorrence.

Que. : And does the one with common sense have attachment and abhorrence?

Dada : His attachment and abhorrence keeps decreasing day by day, the Gnan keeps March 2006

Dada : Such a person comes to a quick critical assessment because of the presence of the selflessness. The selfish person will have no clue at all and will not be able to evaluate at all. So many such events will happen that gives one the opportunity to evaluate critically and rise spiritually within, but alas they all go away ‘free of cost’ (wasted). Many such events happen, but the world forgets. Whereas, the one who is selfless; is able to learn very quickly from the ability to see and conclude decisively through quick internal critical assessment. The ‘taran’ simply happens.

Que. : The ‘taran’ simply happens? (taran: the bottom line, the quick internal assessment of the situation). He does not have to do anything?

Dada : No, nothing at all. The ‘taran’ simply happens for the one with common sense.

And the one with the Gnan, simply applies the Gnan for the ‘taran’ and thereby the Gnan expresses even further.

Que. : In Gnan one ‘sees’ (within) that this is ‘real,’ this is ‘relative,’ who is the ‘doer,’ who is this (in front)? In a similar manner the one with common sense will not have some kind of a ‘light’ that lets him ‘see’?

Dada : The person with common sense will be able to open all the locks that are difficult to open (worldly interaction problems and obstructions).

Que. : With what solution and what keys does he open these locks?

Dada : No, it is part of his nature (swabhavik) and experience. These are the keys that he has gained as he has passed through 15

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the experiences of all the events that have unfolded in front of him. The experience of an event leaves within him a key that he uses to get the work done with ease. Once he becomes an expert he lets go and allows himself to be taken advantage of.

Que. : The one with common sense will not become entangled (confused in the task) no?

Dada : He will not become entangled, but he may be deceived (taken advantage of).

He may allow himself to be cheated in order to extract himself out of the trap or the situation of entanglement. These lawyers are all experts.

There are all kinds of experts. They are experts in their own field, but they also get cheated.

The more faith one has, the more his common sense blooms and expresses. The more he allows himself to be deceived, the more the common sense expresses; the selflessness also increases.

Que. : You also say that the one with common sense never gets confused and entangled. Then why would he get deceived?

Dada : Once his common sense has expressed, he will not get confused or entangled.

As it is developing, he is bound to get entangled, no? Also in the process of getting the experience of common sense, one is likely to be deceived, no? By being taken advantage of by the people, he has learnt the common sense.

Que. : Now when he assesses the situation (taran), and searches for his own fault, he is able to see his gross, overt (sthool) mistakes only?

Dada : No, no. He is not able to see the gross mistakes. He gets to have a full study of the types and nature of the people who deceive him.

Que. : The one with common sense should have a good study of the nature (prakruti) of the opposite person, no?

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Dada : It exists, for sure. That is called common sense. Then only he will be able to open that (prakruti) lock.

Que. : Say, I have a poor relation with someone and we do not get along with each other. Now I am interested in getting some work done through him. If I go anywhere near him he becomes upset. So do I have to get my work done from a distance?

Dada : You have to employ some special techniques and skills here.

Que. : Is that called common sense?

Dada : Yes, that falls under common sense.

Que. : In that respect Dada, your common sense is of the highest order.

Dada : My common sense is of a different order all together. I have traversed through all these experiences selflessly. I can ‘see’ them all. It is because of selfishness that one is not able to see them. One has married a woman for infinite life times, yet is anyone able to get rid of his attachment (moha) for the woman? And he suffers so much too.

Que. : And one is not able to get the ‘taran’ of that, no?

Dada : No, he is not able to get that final assessment (taran). The selfish intent (attachment for woman) does not let him see this assessment. These sadhus and acharyas (those who have renounced sex) are able to get this ‘taran’ because they have had the true inner intent, ‘from now on, I do not want to get married’, in their past life.

The Lord exists where there is unadulterated love Que. : There is a difference between love and attachment. In attachment (raag, moha) total surrender is associated with the expectation of something in return. In love there is no expectation of any kind, so with this kind of March 2006

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love, if one surrenders everything, then he will attain the final goal of enlightenment, will he not?

Dada : Any man, who seeks true love and proceeds on that path, will become a God. True love, pure love is without any adulteration.

In such pure love there is no element of sexuality (vishaya), pride (maan) or greed (lobh).

Such purity leads to full enlightenment and makes a God out of a human being. The paths are all easy, but it is difficult to attain this purity to become that.

The betrayal and hurt of the selfish attachment When one suffers a lot, then the falsehood of attachment, the illusion (moha) is shattered and then the attachment leaves. It was nothing but an illusion. Repeated suffering is due to this ‘moha’ only.

Que. : What is the difference between attachment (moha) and love (prem)?

Dada : The moth keeps flying around the flame, and in the end dies in the shadow underneath it, having been consumed of its energy. It sacrifices its life for it. That is moha, attachment. Pure love is constant and it lasts.

It does not get consumed. It is not an attachment or an attraction.

Attachment means a useless life. To be attached to someone is equivalent to being blind.

The blind man runs around like the moth, in his attachment (moha) for a woman, and suffers just like the moth. Love on the other hand lasts, and in it lies a lifetime of bliss. It does not search for momentary pleasures.

So all this, that we see around us is nothing but attachment only. It is open visible betrayal and suffering. All attachments turned out to be 100 % treachery and hurtful wounding.

Que. : How can an ordinary human being know whether his love for a person is true love or just an attraction-attachment? How can one March 2006

know the difference?

Dada : One can know this easily when you scold that person severely some day. If the person becomes upset and angry then you will know the uselessness of your ‘love’. Why get attached and then suffer? Why not test him or her in advance before proceeding? Do you not throw a rupee coin on the floor to hear its ringing sound to find out whether it is real or fake? Likewise, find some excuse to quarrel with her and see if she is for real. Nowadays there are very dangerous and horrible selfish intents that are hidden in the so-called relationships of love. Someone will shower his or her love on you for his or her selfish intent.

But if you test that relationship some day with such feigned anger, you will know whether it is real or not.

Que. : Now what is real love like? What will be the reaction when we try becoming angry with her?

Dada : Such a person will absorb and remain calm and ensure that you are not hurt in anyway. Pure love will swallow all hurt. Such love will swallow the hurt that is hurled by a real con artist and cheating lover.

Que. : So how will one know whether one’s lover is true and real and not a con artist?

Dada : Yes, for the con artist (cheater), one has to find another weapon. You will understand for sure that he is a loser (naffat) and not a good person. But for most purposes, this medicine of mine, which I have just given you, will work. The moment you shake him or her up with a little feigned quarrel, it will affect him or her inside. Once this happens, she or he will react with a counter attack. And where there is an attack there is no love. There is no attack in love. In love there may be a few exchanges of unpleasant words but there is no attack.

The selflessness of pure love The love that arises without knowing is 17

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temporary and transient. And all this knowledge is the knowledge of the relative self, the prakruti, the temporary and changing complex of thoughts, speech and actions. If love (attraction) arises for the changing qualities of the prakruti, what use is there for such love? All gates (to liberation) open with pure love. What cannot one attain in his love for his guru (the spiritual master who liberates)?

Even handsome and beautiful human beings appear ugly because of their ego. When does one become beautiful and appealing? When he becomes the embodiment of love (prem swaroop). In such a state even an ugly person becomes very attractive and handsome. With the manifestation of pure love (shuddha prem), one begins to become very attractive and handsome. What are the people of the world hungry for? They are looking for the love that liberates (mukta prem), the love that does not expect anything in return. They are all looking for the love that has no smell of selfishness and no intent of any rewards in return.

The clash between human beings is the reason for the attraction. Clashes and quarrels are the ‘vitamin’ (the nutrient) for attraction (asakti) and attachment (moha). The absence of clash allows one to become a vitarag (the absolutely detached One).

The selfishness in love has increased the worldly interaction ‘Behold the fragrance of the pure love devoid of any selfish intent that has spread in the fifteen worlds (ghat vinana nirmal premni pandarey kshetroma feli jo suvas).’

Come all of you and learn the love that is devoid of any trace of selfishness, it is very much worth learning. That love is unique.

Everyone harbors some kind of love, no? Now what if we extract the selfishness (ghat) from that love? The poet has said that the fragrance of that love will spread in fifteen worlds. This verse has not come through the contemplative intellect; it has come forth with naturalness in 18

intent. The truth that was, has expressed, the total truth has come forth.

When one extracts all selfish motives from within, what will be left? The pure love remains! How dare a thought that, ‘this man will be of use to me,’ arise? A person may be quite healthy but upon a seeing a doctor, will get up and say, ‘welcome doctor, welcome!’

He is telling his mind, ‘he will be of use some day.’ Hey mooah! When will you become sick, and when will this man meet you again? Arey (common verbal exclamation)! Upon seeing a cook on the street, she will say, ‘come, come.’

How come you are giving so many invitations to him? Then she will say, ‘some day, if I am without a cook, he will be of use, no?’ What selfish pots! They are talking as if they are going to stay in this world forever! Are they not assuming that they are going to live forever?

Why harbor any selfish intent in a world which is temporary, where you are going to lose your name (nanami, die to the body, leave this world) one day? How can selfishness exist in a dying world? ‘Someday he will be helpful!’

Hey you! In a world which you will be leaving, how can ‘some day’ exist? The time of death is coming. The doctor that you had hoped will be of use to you, is going to be leaving too, and yet these people say, ‘this doctor will be of use, this lawyer will be of use,’ no? Yes, if a CEO comes, they will say, ‘come Sir, come.’ This is because he thinks, ‘someday, if I ask for some money, he will give me some.’ The entire world invites you out of selfishness only. All love has the selfish motive (ghat) built in it. It should not be so.

Pure unadulterated love! No expectation from anyone in such love. What can one expect from these human beings with two hands (limited and defined abilities)? Have you ever seen any human being with five hands? These are the ones who run to the toilet if they have to go in a hurry. What can you expect from them? If a laxative has been taken then even a big collector will have to run. Sir! You are a big shot; take March 2006

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it easy, why are you running? Then he will say, ‘no I have to, or else I will soil my pants.’ So there is nothing that I can expect from you.

You have nothing. Do you think there is any worth in keeping any selfish intent? What do you think?

Que. : Yes, it is exactly as you say, Dada.

Dada : Yes, therefore why not cleanse it all, especially where there is any stain of selfishness left? The same should exist in the home too. There should be no selfishness in your relationship with the persons in the home.

There must never be, ‘this person will be of help to me.’

The vision that is focused on the pure Self (Shuddhatma of all around) is love. Then, if the wife develops big boils with pus on her face there will be no mental conflict within you.

Otherwise, as long as her face appears attractive you will be attracted to her and when the boils appear, the inner anguish that repels will begin.

What do you think?

Que. : Yes, it will happen, one will be repelled.

Dada : Yes, one will be repelled and disgusted.

Now, everywhere it has become filled with selfishness. Let go of it all. Do not harbor a selfish motive for anything in this world. If it comes naturally to you it is fine. If someone gives it to you spontaneously, accept it and be done with it. If it does not come, do without it.

Where lies the reason to harbor any selfish intent in this relative material world? To have a selfish intent on a woman is the same as casting an evil eye on her. The father has a selfish motive in the daughter and the son has some selfish motive with the father. Does this selfishness not exist even in the home?

So all this world is filled with sheer selfishness. This place of ours (the Gnani and his mahatmas, wherever they are) is the only place without any selfishness (ghat). That is March 2006

why everyone experiences such unique sense of oneness (ekata, I am in all, all are my own Self). Where selfishness is gone, the Supreme Lord (paramatma) is, for sure. Where selfishness is present, the Lord stays away. That is why here (in the vicinity of the Gnani) there is so much joy in everyone. They all feel the oneness. If they bring five cups of tea here, all will drink it by sharing without any fuss. And outside even thirty cups of tea will be drunk with uneasiness and dissatisfaction amongst the thirty-five who are present, because there will be some selfish ones who are two-cup drinkers and their selfishness will create a shortage.

Have you seen selfish people? And where such selfish people exist it simply means that they want to ‘eat’ you up like one eats up vegetables. They will cut you up with the knife of their selfishness and devour you. How can you live together amidst such selfish people?

Everyone is selfish, no? We all have accepted the set limits of such selfish interactions. Once this limit is crossed, then the interaction of such a person is openly disparaged and looked down upon by the world.

The impartial love of the Gnani One should not separate from each other internally. That is love. There should not be a difference. That is love. The lack of sense of difference and separation (abhedata) is love.

That love is the ‘normal’ love. With the presence of sense of difference and separation, if he comes after having done something good, one becomes very elated and happy and later if he does something wrong, breaks your favorite chinaware; you become agitated and upset with him. This type of ‘above normal’ and ‘below normal’ state is not love. Real love does not look at the work done, but does the darshan ‘sees’ (with inner eyes, with Gnan) of the real nature, The Self, within that person. The work happens and gets done well if carried on within ‘normality’ (without attachment and abhorrence, without apprehension or expectation).

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Que. : What is this feeling (bhaav) that arises within us for you, Dada?

Dada : It is our (The Gnani and the fully manifest Lord within) love that grabs you. Real love can attract and capture the entire world.

Where does such love exist? Such love exists where there is absolute impartiality and total lack of discrimination and differences (abhedata). When is one considered to have no sense of any difference and separation from any living being in the world? When does one become the embodiment of love (prem swaroop). And there one does not see anything else. One sees simply pure love.

What is attraction (asakti)? When one wants something from this world (the non-Self), it is called attraction. When one has the goal or the intent for something of the material world, it is attraction. If your attraction is towards and for real happiness, eternal bliss, then it is fine.

Such attraction will be of benefit to you. If this attraction is used for any other aim, that will be temporary and that love will not last.

Que. : So then this awakening, this rising feeling (bhaav) within us is the result of the love within your heart?

Dada : Yes, it is the result of love. And therefore, with the weapon of love all is accomplished. I do not have to scold anyone.

I do not want to reprimand anyone. I have one weapon of love only. I want to win the world with love. This is because I have laid down all the conventional weapons. The world uses the conventional weapons to fight with each other. I have laid down the weapons of anger, pride, deceit and greed. I do not use them. What the world understands as love is worldly (relative) love. That which does not increase when you respect me with a garland and that, which does not decrease when you curse me with abusive words, is love. There will be no change in real love. There will be changes in the feelings of this (relative) body but not in pure love (shuddha prem).

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This is the law of nature. Love is the Supreme Lord and is the final definition of the Lord.

One understands justice only when one becomes free from selfish intent There are many judges in this world, but in the world of karma there is only one natural justice: ‘The fault is of the sufferer’. This is the only justice. This justice governs the entire universe. The justice of the world is the justice of illusion and it perpetuates the worldly life.

There is natural justice all the time in the world. Not even for a second does anything exist in this world without natural law and justice.

The nature gives a prize to the one who deserves a prize and gives punishment to the one to whom punishment is due. Nature never trespasses any law; it is absolutely just. This is difficult to understand because one cannot see this. This will be seen when one’s vision (drashti) becomes pure, and at that time one will see the justice of nature. How can one see any justice when one’s vision is tainted with the vision of selfishness?

Que. : In your vision, Dada, these visions that are vanishing and fading away from existence, are not beneficial (shreya) to us?

Dada : How can one call that which is dying is beneficial? That which is dying is correct and exact. What the nature destroys over there and what she nurtures over here are both correct. It regularizes everything on the stage.

It is because of their selfish motive that people cry, ‘oh my cotton field has burnt!’ Whereas the farmer, whose field of cotton did not burn because the buds were not ripe, smiles and says, ‘I am saved.’ Therefore, people are crying and laughing out of their own selfishness.

Que. : You say that nature is just and exact. Then how come there are these horrible earthquakes, and cyclones and heavy rains that destroy everything?

Dada : It is always dispensing justice.

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There is rain for crops to ripen. Even the earthquake is the natural justice in operation.

Que. : How so?

Dada : Nature catches only those who are guilty. The natural justice in this world is never disturbed. Nothing operates outside the realm of natural justice, not even for a second.

The illusion of injustice because of selfishness Que. : What is the underlying basis for saying that nature is just? One has to have a basis for it to be considered just.

Dada : It is just, and this is enough for your information. You will be convinced about its just. The rest of the people will never be convinced that nature is just. The reason is that they do not have the right vision (Gnan).

I am telling you that this world is exact.

This world is so precisely just, that not even a change of something as minuscule as an atom can take place without a reason. That is how just it is. Nature is absolutely just.

Nature has two components. It is composed of the one permanent eternal unchanging element (sthayi) and the second is the changing thing, which is in the form of temporary circumstances (avastha). The temporary circumstances change constantly according to natural laws. The one, who sees the changes, perceives them with his individual intellect. No one ever perceives and thinks this from the total perspective (anekant buddhi). Man only sees it from the angle of his own selfserving purpose (ekantik).

When a man loses his only son, it is justice. No one has dealt him any injustice. There is no injustice from God or anywhere else for that matter. This is justice. That is why I am saying that nature is just. It is constantly just.

Its nature is justice.

When a man loses his one and only child, the only people who mourn his death are his March 2006

family members. Why don’t the neighbors around him mourn also? The family members cry because of their own selfishness. If you look at the event from the eternal aspect, then nature is just.

Does all this make sense to you? If it does, then know that everything is as it should be. So many of your problems will be reduced, when you apply this Gnan.

This justice does not change even for a second. If there were injustice, no one would be able to attain liberation. People ask why is it that even good people encounter difficulties?

In reality, no one is able to cause difficulties for them. As long as you do not interfere, nothing will interfere with you. There is no one who has the power to do so. All these problems exist, because of your own meddling.

The selfishness that makes you suffer and wander life after life Que. : You mention ‘vyavasthit’, scientific circumstantial evidence. What kind of energy is this ‘vyavasthit’?

Dada : It is scientific circumstantial evidence. In Gujarati we call it vyavasthit. It keeps the world constantly in order and exact.

It never lets it become disorderly or inexact.

If the only son dies, one cries profusely, but he is crying out of his own greed and selfishness, and therefore he believes it is incorrect, disorderly and inexact. This pocket that is being picked is also vyavasthit; but he cries and yells because of his selfishness and greed. He yells and shouts, but does that bring back the wallet? Why not? What if he were to keep crying for six months? Will it come back?

Que. : Even then the wallet will not come back.

Dada : Yet, you have seen people cry their hearts out (kalpant), no? Why do they grieve so much? They will wander millions of lives until the end of a kalp (a very long segment 21

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of time). They will cry and bang their heads hard. And later when the head hurts they say, ‘call the doctor.’ And so you reply, ‘wait, bang your head so that you will not have to call the doctor’ (they are all grieving out of their own selfishness).

Que. : I did not know that one would waste so many years in such crying.

Dada : They are simply not aware. That is why we have written in the Aptavani (Dadashri’s new scriptures of Akram Vignan) that one will have to wander until the end of a ‘kalp’. That is called ‘kalpant.’ No one has tried to understand the meaning of the word ‘kalpant.’ You heard this for the first time today?

Que. : Yes, for the first time.

Dada : That means one will have to wander till the end of a ‘kalp’ (4,320,000,000 years) and so what do people say? One is doing so much ‘kalpant.’ Oh mooah! Why don’t you ask what is ‘kalpant’? What it means is that only a rare man does this ‘kalpant’. Only the one, who has lost an only son under very tragic circumstances, does this.

The Lord says that the one who worries is punished twice and the one who does not worry is punished once only. When one loses an only son who is eighteen years old, and after him, all the crying, worrying, banging the head, spreading misery and depression all around, all this will bring forth double punishment. And if he does not do this, there is the single punishment of the loss of the son.

The loss of the son is the single punishment and all the rest is the double punishment. We never subject ourselves to double punishment.

And that is why I have told all these mahatmas that, ‘if your pocket that had five thousand rupees got picked, then say ‘vyavasthit’ and go home in peace and silence.

This one punishment is our own account of our past life only. Therefore there is no need to be bothered, stressed or worried. That is 22

why I have said, ‘vyavasthit’, it is exact ‘vyavasthit’. Therefore for all that has happened, I say, it is exact, orderly and correct! When the only son has died you are not to say that, ‘it is correct,’ to anyone else. There you have to put up a show, and say, ‘how sad! My deepest condolences are there for you,’ and you have to present this as if it is real (dramatic). Having said so, know that ‘this is correct’ and proceed with this understanding.

The reason for crying Why is it that the one, who is going to cry, does not start his crying the day before?

Does he not know that the person is going to die? I am asking, why do you cry after the death? Why not cry before the death?

Que. : Dada, please explain.

Dada : In the mind you know that he is going to die. Then why is it that you do not cry? So someone will say in the mind, that if I cry here in front of him, he too will be affected psychologically, therefore I cry in private.

This crying comes from seeing someone else cry. Who cries the most? The one who sustains the highest loss cries the most.

Now how is man going to understand all these puzzles and entanglements (gooncho)? I have passed through all circumstances that had an effect. And having done so, I had ‘seen’ those entanglements as well as all this. And I am able to ‘see’ the ultimate vision (tattva drashti), through and through.

Que. : You had asked, ‘why not cry on the previous day?’ Kindly explain this to me.

Dada : It is like this. After someone dies, the person who is crying is crying for his selfish intent. And someone will say, ‘I am crying for my love.’ Then that person is crying for the selfishness of his or her love. Therefore all are crying out for their selfish intent. Therefore, they cry only after he is gone. If the crying was for real, then from the very beginning he March 2006

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should be crying, ‘what will happen to me?’

This is all so in the relative life.

Que. : That was your experience at the age of twenty. Between that time and the age of eighty how many times did you cry, Dada?

Dada : Then it all stops. Crying happens in certain stages and situations. Yes, I did cry when Ba (Zaverba, Dadashri’s mother) died. If I suppressed my feelings then it would choke up inside and lead to more agony, and therefore I cried with awareness.

The organized crying party of selfish relationships In our villages they say, ‘call the crying team (kaan kadho), do what the world wants (laukik karo). Why this? This is to bring closure and soothe everything. Let him express all his feelings and emotions through the crying. If the tears do not come, the emotions are not vented, the man will become mad, and therefore one has to facilitate his crying. It is said that crying or laughing should not be obstructed or one will become mad. Therefore this ritual is necessary.

But now, this custom is coming to an end. Our people have understood the futility of this. And the widow also understands. She will say, ‘why bother with the crying party? Is that going to bring him back?’ And she will think, ‘he has after all left thirty thousand in the bank.’ All these relationships are of selfish nature only. In all this there are some rare people with good intentions. Selfishness prevails everywhere.

Cry for your life. The world had died over and over again because of ignorance of the Self. If the shop or the business is running at a loss, the owner will sit one night and calculate. The worldly knowledge will be there for him. His calculations will lead him to conclude, ‘now bankruptcy is there for sure.’

Hey you! Are you making the calculations for life (success) or death (failure)? The business will come to its conclusion when the time comes, but why have you made this conclusion in advance? Once the inner conclusion (ego March 2006

signature) and decision is made, the external has to come about by nature even if it was not in the works. The owner has decided and wants to empty the shop, so what can be done? So how can this be allowed? The business exists because you are there. You do not exist because the business is there.

The ocean of compassion As long as selfishness exists there will be no harmony. When selflessness begins harmony begins.

What should be our base support? Take and enjoy what is in front of you and do not worry or think about what is not in front of you. Whatever presents in front of you on your plate at mealtime, please eat whatever suits you and then get up quietly. Maintain an atmosphere that is free from all kashays (anger, pride, deceit, greed) for all around. Ensure that you do not become the instrument for kashay for anyone. And then someone may ask, ‘how this person is ever going to improve?’ After the meal is over, you may gently say, ‘did you think that there was a little more salt in the daal (lentil soup) today?’ and she will also agree.

Then you may add, ‘tomorrow please make the necessary change. And please do not make it too bland either.’ One has to add that additional caution. You have to show both the shores.

Que. : Yes, Dada. If we absorb and apply what you have just taught us, our work in life is done. These are all extraordinary talks.

Dada : Yes, if one has only such worldly understanding of interactions with others, then peace and harmony will prevail in the home.

Most clashes are due to the lack of this. The world is selfish. All relations are relative and temporary. Only the relation with the Gnani Purush is the real one. He has infinite compassion for you. He is the embodiment of the Self and therefore he brings forth all your solutions and liberates you.

Jai Sat Chit Anand 23

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Impotant Announcement Due to Pujya Niruma's health problems, All Programs of Pujya Niruma and Aaptputra shri Deepakbhai Desai have been cancelled until further announcement. Pray for Pujya Niruma's Speedy Recovery and Long Life.

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Doordarshan (National), Mon-Fri 8-30 AM to 9-00 AM (In Hindi) In Tamilnadu, Mon-Fri 8-30 AM to 9-00 AM (In Tamil) Zee Alpha Gujarati, Everyday 7 AM to 8 AM (In Gujarati) Doordarshan DD-1, Everyday 3-30 PM to 4 PM (In Gujarat, in Gujarati) Watch same prog. at same time, outside Gujarat on Doordarshan DD-11 'MA TV' (Channel 793) National, Mon-Sat 6-30 to 7-30 AM, Sun 6 to 7 AM GMT Zee Gujarati (Channel 816), Everyday 6-30 AM to 7-30 AM (In Gujarati) 'MA TV' (Channel 6) Leicester, Everyday 8 to 9 AM GMT 'TV Asia' Everyday 7 AM to 7-30 AM EST (In Gujarati) 'Aastha' Mon-Fri 4-30 PM to 5 PM East Cost, 1-30 PM to 2 PM West Cost

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I, Deepak Desai hereby declare that the above stated information is correct to my knowledge and belief. sd/Date : 15-03-2006 Deepak Desai on behalf of Mahavideh Foundation (Signature of Publisher) Contact : Mahavideh Foundation, Trimandir, Simandhar City, Ahmedabad-Kalol Highway, P.O.:Adalaj, Dist.:Gandhinagar-382421, Gujarat, India. Tel. : (079) 23974100, Email: dadavani@dadabhagwan.org Mumbai : (022) 24137616, USA: 785-271-0869, UK: 020-8204-0746 Websites : (1) www.dadabhagwan.org (2) www.dadashri.org (3) www.ultimatespirituality.org 24

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