Daily Titan: Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Wednesday September 16, 2009

Since 1960 Volume 85, Issue 8

The Student Voice of California State University, Fullerton

Funeral held for former professor

Conference combines film, music

Daily Titan Staff Writer

Daily Titan Staff Writer

news@dailytitan.com

news@dailytitan.com

Dr. Robert E. Rayfield, a retired Cal State Fullerton professor, died of natural causes on Sept. 10, Dr. Anthony Fellow, professor and chair of the Department of Communications stated in an e-mail.

Rayfield taught public relations in the school’s Communications Department between 1983 and 1993.

“When he first started,” said Ed Trotter, who was the department chair at the time, “he was in his midfifties, probably about 55. But he was as energetic as a 35-year-old.”

Rayfield was born in Fayetteville, N.C., in 1929, and he grew up in Miami, Fellow stated. He received his bachelor’s and master’s degrees at the University of Florida, Gainesfield, and his doctorate in journalism from the University of Texas, Austin.

Rayfield was a retired colonel in the Air Force, where he had had a 30-year career as an aircraft navigator. He also served at HQ Strategic Air Command before completing his career as director of public affairs, 5th Air Force and U.S. Forces in Japan, Fellow stated.

“My fondest memory of him was his saying: ‘Tony, we need to bend some tin,’” said Tony Rimmer, professor of communications and director of the Faculty Development Center. Rimmer says that this catchphrase was what Rayfield would say whenever they needed to get something done.

“He had a lot of military expressions,” Rimmer added. “At the end of the day when he was leaving, he would knock on my door and say, ‘Tony, you’re in charge.’”

When he retired, Rayfield moved with his wife, Ann, to San Antonio.

Fellow stated, “He is survived by his wife, Ann B.; his children, Ellen, Lorrie Ellstrom, Robin Richter, Thomas, Peggy, Beth and Pamela; grandchildren, Jennifer, John Paul and Matthew Richter, Sonya and Jodi Ragland; nephews, Mark and Glen.”

The e-mail also states that Rayfield’s passion was flying, and he “owned and operated a Piper Cherokee well into his seventies.”

“He used to get anxious about getting his hours in flying,” said Rimmer. “If he didn’t get in a certain number of hours, he would lose his pilot’s license. I used to think, here I am at my desk all day, and he has time to be out flying. This guy was like Superman; he could do so much.”

Rayfield is fondly remembered by his colleagues.

“He was known for being very gregarious, very kind, very helpful. He was very collegial,” said Fellow. “He loved being in the classroom, and he loved his students.”

Rimmer said that he recalls sitting with Rayfield on many committees.

“He was just a wonderful guy,” added Rimmer. “I never saw him angry, never saw him frustrated. He just wanted to do good work.”

The CSUF chapter of the Public Relations Student Society of America, for which Rayfield served as adviser, is named in honor of him.

“He was a good fellow who loved flying,” said Trotter. “He loved life, and we’ll miss him.”

Rimmer called it a “privileged to work with this man.”

“Simply, Bob was the grandest of men, the most wonderful colleague and friend one could have,” said Fellow.

Even after he retired, Rayfield would sometimes check-in on the professors at the university, said Rimmer.

“He’d e-mail me from time to time,” Rimmer added, “and every time he would say, ‘Keep bending that tin.

Keep bending that stuff until it breaks.’”

Rayfield was laid to rest yesterday at Ft. Sam Houston National Cemetery in San Antonio, Texas.

The Film Music Guild (FMG) Conference 2009, a one-day conference that will gather all the big names in the film industry, is specially designed to foster collaboration between student filmmakers and composers. This event will be held Saturday, Oct. 3, at Biola University.

Five sessions of workshops will be arranged from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. all based on “real world” experience, such as the specific details of how music functions in film, the business aspects of using original music, or the relationships between the director, producer, and composer.

The FMG’s Web site states that the Director of “Up,” composer of “Spiderman 3” and composer of “Wall-E” will bring new subjects professors won’t cover in the class and that this activity will not only teach you how to tell better stories with music, but how to tell better stories overall.

“We are offering a variety of lectures for students to attend, this is the best way to benefit themselves and discover the beauty of film and music,” said Danielle Howe, director of communications of the FMG Conference 2009.

Three years ago, Dave Martina, a music composition student at Biola University established a student club, trying to figure out and solve a serious disconnection between filmmakers and composers. This club taught filmmaking students how to create a better film with music; at the same time, it lets the composers be aware of how to use the music as a storytelling tool, Martina said.

Three years later, as the executive coordinator of the FMG Conference 2009, Martina and nine other students brought a solution to the boundary between music and film, shaping the future industry with what they called “the new way of making a film,” Martina added.

People recognize music as a vital part to a film, even silent movies cannot ignore it. The problem is composers are often asked to make the music when a product is almost done instead of having them in the film-creating team, Martina said.

“People have a misunderstanding of the concept of being creative. They assume the solo act is the best way to create,” Martina said. “However, film making is inherently collaborative. A smart studio like Pixar has a lot of creative people working together and knows how to manage them, which is why they always come out with these genius movies.”

Currently confirmed speakers include Pete Docter (director, “Up,” “Monsters Inc.”), John Ottman (editor and composer, “Valkyrie,” “Superman Returns,” “X-Men 2”), Christopher Young (composer, “Spiderman 3,” “The Grudge,” “Ghostrider”), and many more.

“It’s not all about what you know in the industry. It’s generally about who you know,” said Brandon Collins, who is now pursuing his master’s in composition from CSUF and also serves as the speaker coordinator of FMG. “The goal of this innovative project is to bring students from LA’s finest film and music schools together to meet and learn from top industry professionals before they step out of college.”

Not only are the professionals worth the visit, students from USC, Chapman, Cal Sate Long Beach and Cal State Fullerton will attend the conference as well, which can be another great learning opportunity.

The registration fee for students is $65 until Sept. 18, after that, students will be charged $85. General admission is $100 before the deadline and $125 after.

“As an all-student organization, we ask for nothing, the registration fees are used for Web site building as well as other printing work. These high profile directors and composers also don’t ask anything, not a penny,” Collins said. “They are firmly committed to the belief that interacting with students can really help change the future of the industry.”

For more information or to register, please go to the Web site: filmmusicguild.com.

By Nikki Mao

BY Eric Broude

Stay connected to the Daily Titan on:

TODAY

By Shruti Patel/Daily Titan Photo Editor

Orange County’s Great Park ballon offers free rides and an opportunity to get a birds-eye view the new park in Irvine from 400 feet in the air. See Features, page 4

Pondering the power of poetry

By Greg Lehman

Daily Titan Staff Writer news@dailytitan.com

Does poetry matter? Is there any poetry being written, read, or performed in our area? If someone wants to write a poem, where do they begin? These are questions which everyone from the beginner to the published author asks themselves when entering into the rich tradition of poetry.

After talking with people who believe and practice the craft, one finds that poetry is alive, evolving, and affecting lives every day. In a time when satisfaction and sensational gratuity are so prevalent, people still have the desire and discipline to examine moments and themselves in the medium of poetry.

“I say poetry is relevant because it is exactly the thing we’re going to look to when we need guidance in our life,” said professor Irena Praitis, professor of English

and creative writing. She has published two books of poetry with another book of nonfiction prose poems forthcoming.

“Poetry is what makes us stop in the moment,” Praitis added. “Those moments that are going to be things that affect us in a very deep way. Those are the poetic moments, and that’s why it’s vital to our existence.”

JD Isip, a graduate student at Cal State Fullerton who is currently teaching English classes on campus, said the poet stands as both prophet and recorder for his or her respective time. “A poet is a very important person,” he said. For Isip, poetry has “always been a voice for what’s happening from the people who are a first hand account of it. To me, it’s like a more honest report of what’s going on, whether it’s about the war or politics or relationships between people.”

Professor Stephen Westbrook, an associate professor of English at CSUF, spoke on the deep appreciation See POETRY, Page 2

Students wait in long lines to pile into shuttles to off-campus parking

WEATHER

TOMorrow

High: 81° Low: 65° Mostly Sunny

High: 86° Low: 65° Mostly Sunny

CONTACT US Main line: (657) 278-3373 News desk: (657) 278-4415 Advertising: (657) 278-4411 E-mail: news@dailytitan.com

By Daniel suzuki/For the Daily Titan

Page Two

2

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

IN OTHER NEWS POETRY: Creative EXpression at CSUF HONG KONG (MCT) - The chances of a full-blown trade war between China and U.S. remain low despite the recent spat between the two countries, although the risk of a further escalation in tensions will likely continue to weigh on investor sentiment, analysts said.

Investor risk appetite was hurt Monday, sending the U.S. dollar higher against its Asian counterparts and weighing on the commodity and stock markets.

“Increased trade tensions, if they develop, will raise market speculation that China could retaliate against the U.S. by either reducing its outright purchases of Treasurys or, in a worse-case scenario, selling some of its existing holdings of Treasurys,” HSBC said.

The recent spat may well remain topical in the media and financial markets ahead of the U.S. President Barack Obama’s meeting with Chinese leaders at the Group of 20 nations’ summit in Pittsburgh later this month, HSBC said.

NATIONAL New Candidate for 2012 Presidential Race Scranton, Pa. (MCT) - Former U.S. Sen. Rick Santorum confirmed Tuesday he’s thinking about running for president in 2012, and he’s taking a step that looks like he might be serious.

Mr. Santorum cautioned that the next presidential election is more than three years away, but in two weeks he’s headed for Iowa, where the first presidential nominating contests take place.

Mr. Santorum said he would never have considered running six months ago, but “the dynamic has changed.”

President Barack Obama’s approval ratings have dipped sharply because the president has failed to live up to his promise to be a “transformative president” who would act in a bipartisan manner, Mr. Santorum said during a conference call with reporters arranged by the Republican National Committee before Mr. Obama’s speech to the AFL-CIO convention in Pittsburgh.

STATE Court closures keep 300 lawyers at home Sacramento (MCT) - Three hundred attorneys from the Sacramento County District Attorney and Public Defender’s offices will be staying home Wednesday because of the state’s budget woes. In a fortuitous twist for local leaders, however, the statewide court closure could somewhat protect the county from a labor grievance.

In July, the Judicial Council -- the state court’s policy-making body -decided to close superior courts statewide one day a month in an effort to help balance the budget. Those closures will be the third Wednesday of each month starting tomorrow.

The county has actually been furloughing its attorneys since May. That’s when the board voted to strip its managers of their cost of living raises and force them to take a monthly furlough day. Because the lawyers have a parity clause in their contract, the county forced them to take the same cuts.

The Sacramento County Attorney’s Association, however, maintains that while the county can cut the COLAs via the parity clause, per contract language the county can’t impose furloughs unless there’s a facility closure. The association filed a grievance over the issue but has been trying to work with the county on a compromise instead of going to arbitration, said Joe Cress, the association’s president.

For the Record It is the policy of the Daily Titan to correct any inaccurate information printed in the publication as soon as the error is discovered. Any incorrect information printed on the front page will result in a correction printed on the front page. Any incorrect information printed on any other page will be corrected on page 2. Errors on the Opinion page will be corrected on that page. Corrections also will be noted on the online version of the Daily Titan.

Please contact executive editor Skyler Blair at 657-278-5815 or at execeditor@dailytitan.com with issues about this policy or to report any errors.

Daily Titan Editorial

Executive Editor Managing Editor News Director Opinion Editor Features Editor Asst. Features Editor Arts & Entertainment Editor Sports Editor Asst. Sports Editor Copy Editor Copy Editor Photo Editor Photo Editor Multimedia Editor Multimedia Editor Asst. Multimedia Editor Adviser Main Line (657) 278-3373 News Line (657) 278-4415

Skyler Blair Monzerrath Gonzalez Sergio Cabaruvias Jeremiah Magan Christine Amarantus Channtel Riser Brittny Ulate Adan Vasquez Simon Liang Rachel David Ashleigh Johnson Todd Barnes Shruti Patel Isa Ghani Anne Beck Derek Opina Jason Shepard

Editorial Fax (657) 278-2702 E-mail: news@dailytitan.com

Advertising Director of Advertising Production Assistant Production Assistant National Sales & Promotion Classified Manager Account Executive Account Executive Account Executive Account Executive Account Executive Account Executive Advertising Dept. Asst.

Distribution Business Manager/Adviser Main Line (657) 278-3373 Advertising (657) 278-4411

Adrian Gaitan Mandi Braga Sidney Cumbie Katie Hennessey Emily Miramontes Liz Hernandez Emily Miramontes Megan Gates Elizabeth Lopez Amber VanOrman Hayley Toler Kassia Azimioara Santana Ramos Robert Sage Advertising Fax (657) 278-2702 E-mail: ads@dailytitan.com

The Daily Titan is a student publication, printed every Monday through Thursday. The Daily Titan operates independently of Associated Students, College of Communications, CSUF administration and the CSUF System. The Daily Titan has functioned as a public forum since inception. Unless implied by the advertising party or otherwise stated, advertising in the Daily Titan is inserted by commercial activities or ventures identified in the advertisements themselves and not by the university. Such printing is not to be construed as written or implied sponsorship, endorsement or investigation of such commercial enterprises. The Daily Titan allocates one issue to each student for free.

Copyright ©2006 Daily Titan

everyone, and encouraged people interested in the club to e-mail him language and connections that at warfejr@csu.fullerton.edu. “We’re poetry brings to readers and writers not here to tell you whether or not alike. “I think it reminds people of you’re a good writer,” said Warfe. a love for language, which I think is “We’re here to encourage you and actually really valuable because we to allow you to grow into whatever sort of take this stuff for granted all you want to be, whoever you want to the time.” be, whether that’s a creative writer, “Also, anything that can move an artist, a musician, or just somesomebody through language, re- body who wants to enjoy it from a ally connect and offer a moment of distance. We’re here just to encourbeauty or hope or understanding of age that type of growth.” despair or whatever feeling the poem Isip also emphasized writing conveys, I think, is very useful,” among peers as beneficial to writWestbrook said. ing. “There’s healthy competition. If Charles Ardinger, a graduate stu- everybody else is developing around dent at CSUF who also works as a you, you’re going to want to develop, graduate assistant and tutor in the too.”

Writing Center on campus, deCSUF boasts its own literary jourscribed the new fields of expression nal, Dash. The journal is preparing that poetry can delve into. “What for its third issue and will be acceptpoetry does,” Ardinger said, “is ex- ing new material in December. plore language, develops ways that There are also many indepenlanguage can be used in expression.” dent publishing houses in the Or“It refines our language,” Ardinger ange County and Los Angeles areas added. “It makes our language actu- where poets can submit their work. ally usable rather than this kind of Writers can send work to Hibbleton flotation device that we get by with Quarterly, Lexicon Polaroid, Write from day to day.”

Bloody Publishing, and Red Hen The importance of poetry as a si- Press if they are interested in local multaneous preservation and excava- publications. tion of the human condition can be Poetix.net is a comprehensive ona daunting goal for someone looking line resource which brings together to join in its collective task, but one events, workshops, poets, and anyneed not be afraid. Help and en- thing else having to do with poetry couragement can be found in many all on one Web site. Beyond Baroque different places when one takes the is a bookstore in Venice Beach which time to look. sells poetry exclusively and offers free A community of like-minded year-round workshops. individuals can be a great instigaThe means are certainly available tor and encouragement for writers, for anyone looking to pursue the according to craft seriScott Warfe, ously. The a graduate process student at takes a lot CSUF and of work president and, more of the Creoften than ative Writing not, some Club. He is tough skin. also the edi“Comtor in chief mit to sendat Dash Liting out erary Jour– Charles Ardinger, stuff all the nal. The club time,” Isip is entering advised for Graduate student its third acthose looktive year on ing to get campus and their work will begin workshops and seminars in print. Most publications accept in the third week of September. material year round and online, Warfe said that the main goal of making the process free and open the club is to be nurturing and open anytime one feels the call to contribto writers and artists of every variety. ute. Isip suggested scheduling times “We’re just trying to create a com- on a calendar when a writer can send munity for creative writers, for peo- out twenty to fifty pieces every three ple who want to express themselves,” to six months. He stressed that the said Warfe. The club will meet in more poems submitted equates to an University Hall in room 317, which increased likelihood of getting pubwill also be available as a “little hang lished. out lounge,” according to Warfe, so “But be prepared for getting repeople can come in and create at jected a bajillion, bajillion times,” their leisure.

Isip warned. “But keep sending stuff Warfe made it clear that the out. I call it my rejection diet,” said Creative Writing Club is open to Praitis. “Mostly you get rejected, like

“

It refines our language,” Ardinger added. “It makes our language actually usable rather than this kind of flotation device that we get by with from day to day.

“

China and U.S. trade tensions increase

From Page 1

I get rejected probably 99 percent of to time,” Westbrook said, “and says, the time. That’s the reality of it.”

‘Oh, you can’t write,’ just massacre.

Rejection is not an entirely nega- Stick pins in the editor, make a vootive consequence for poets and writ- doo doll out of him, whatever.” ers. Praitis described a process by Ardinger made it clear that the which different tastes glean a wide process is the most important objecdiversity of styles and traditions. tive in writing. “Write it,” said Ar“It shows that there’s variety,” dinger. “It sounds simple and stupid, Priatis said, but the only “and if way that writthere’s vaing actually riety, then happens is that means through apthat poplication of etry is very ass to chair, alive and pen to paper, very well fingers to keyand that board, what there are have you.” all different After all, forms and the act of povariations etry can be of it. And therapeutic we don’t and frustrathave to all ing, a ventlike the one ing of flushed thing that emotions or it is, lest it a hard wring– Irena Praitis, ing out of a disappear.”

“Look process thoufor stuff Professor of English and sands of years that’s beold. creative writing ing written “Poetry is right now,” not ever gosaid Isip. ing to be the “That doesn’t take away from all the thing that’s going to be center stage,” great old poets and stuff, but a lot of said Praitis. “I don’t think it’s dewhat happens is that journals tend to signed to be that. For the most part, look for certain styles that are emerg- it is going to be something that’s off ing. So if you’re writing like Robert the edges, but I think that’s really a Browning in 2009, you know, you’re kind of dynamic place to be. It’s a not going to get your 30-page poem place of energy.” published.”

While it might be less prevalent Warfe added that there is no clear- than fiction, poetry is certainly not cut way to becoming a published any less accessible or difficult to purpoet. “There’s no schema, there’s sue than other types of writing. nofootpath to follow,” said Warfe. “I “I hate that people have gotten would say keep trying, keep writing, the impression that they can’t write,” and you’re going to get rejected, a said Ardinger. “It really genuinely lot. It’s guaranteed. But you will find bothers me. I hate that poetry is somebody who appreciates what you so often seen as this elitist luxury. I do, so keep looking for that.” think it’s part of life.”

While certainly rewarding, the ac“Poetry has developed an implicacomplishment of publication sits be- tion of something that’s reserved to a hind other, more personal goals for specific population, and that’s what poets. bothers me,” added Ardinger. “Ev“ W h a t eryone’s a poet in my opinion.” matters most is that I’m writing the truth that I think I should be writing, and what happens to it after that is entirely s e c o n d a r y, ” Praitis said.

In the end, it all comes down to the physical act of creativity. “Do it all the time,” said Westbrook, reinforcing openness and consistency.

“And when the editor sort of appears on your shoulder from time

“

Poetry is not ever going to be the thing that’s going to be center stage,” said Praitis. “I don’t think it’s designed to be that. For the most part, it is going to be something that’s off the edges, but I think that’s really a kind of dynamic place to be.

It’s a place of energy.

“

INTERNATIONAL

U.S. calls for more troops to Afghanistan (MCT) – Adm. Michael Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, told the Senate Armed Services Committee Tuesday that the U.S. “probably” needs to send more troops to Afghanistan to support the government of Afghan President Hamid Karzai, which he called a large part of the problem there.

Appearing before the Senate Armed Services Committee as part of his reconfirmation as chairman, Mullen asked the public for more time to consider whether to send more American troops, but six months after the administration announced its plan for Afghanistan, he also said there should be a sense of urgency about the country.

His mixed messages appeared to reflect the Obama administration’s difficulty defining a strategy for Afghanistan amid declining political and public support, mounting U.S. casualties, evidence that Karzai rigged his re-election last month, pervasive official corruption, a resurgent Taliban and halfhearted assistance from neighboring Pakistan.

If Karzai is re-elected, as appears likely, and the outcome is seen as illegitimate, it could further undercut domestic support for the Afghanistan war, and leave the White House hitched to an unpopular leader in Kabul.

Referring to Karzai, one senior defense official told McClatchy Newspapers: “We are chained to a disaster.”

He spoke on the condition of anonymity because he wasn’t authorized to speak publicly.

Nevertheless, the administration is contemplating sending more troops to Afghanistan, and Mullen said that while the top U.S. com-

mander in Afghanistan, Army Gen. Stanley McChrystal, won’t request more troops for another two weeks, he already thinks the war will require more troops based on a 60-day assessment that McChrystal submitted last month.

“A properly resourced counterinsurgency probably means more forces,” Mullen told the committee, without offering any specifics.

It was the strongest signal yet from the administration that it will increase its forces there.

He also said that it would take two to three years for the Afghan forces to become strong enough to change the momentum on their own.

Mullen said the U.S. wants to expand the Afghan National Army to 134,000 troops by the end of 2011.

Sen. Carl Levin, D-Mich., the chairman of the armed services committee, called for expanding the Army to 250,000 by the end of 2012.

Mullen said that whatever its size, the Army alone wouldn’t improve security.

“I don’t argue for a strong central government in Afghanistan,” Mullen told Sen. Jim Webb, D-Va. Some senators asked whether the Taliban or a failing government was Afghanistan’s biggest problem.

“The biggest threat, in my opinion, is not the Taliban, it’s the governance. The only reason they (the Taliban) possibly could have come back is because there’s been a vacuum created,” said Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C. “We could send a million troops, and that will not restore legitimacy to their government. Would you agree with that?

“That is a fact,” Mullen replied.

The senior defense official told

McClatchy that the administration refuses to be rushed into a decision to send more troops to Afghanistan, calling it “probably the most important foreign policy decision (President Barack Obama) will make.”

Last spring, the Obama administration authorized an additional 17,500 troops and 4,000 trainers in a rush to get additional forces on the ground in time for the presidential election.

The rest of those troops are expected to arrive by November, bringing the U.S. troop commitment there to 68,000.

Mullen said Tuesday that the administration would need time to consider whether to send more troops, and reflecting that caution, it declined to send witnesses to testify at Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearings this week on Afghanistan.

The administration’s review will continue “for some time,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said Tuesday.

That cautious approach drew the ire of Arizona Sen. John McCain, the leading Republican member of the committee.

“I am frustrated and curious as to why the president’s spokesperson yesterday should say it takes weeks and weeks,” McCain said.

“We’re restating a strategy. We know what the resources are and – that are required, and yet it would take weeks and weeks. There are more and more Americans who are at great risk. And that is really, really bothersome.”

By the end of August, 2009 became the deadliest year of the war for U.S. troops. So far, 22 U.S. troops have been killed in Afghanistan in

September. In all, 742 troops have been killed in Afghanistan since the war began nearly eight years ago.

Despite the differences over Afghan policy, senators assured Mullen that his reappointment as chairman of the Joint Chiefs was all but certain, and instead used the nearly three-hour session to press the administration to explain its policy in Afghanistan.

Mullen’s two-year appointment expires on Sept. 30.

September 16, 2009

FEATURES

3

By Shruti Patel/Daily Titan Photo Editor Bowers Museum patrons enjoy an exhibition for world-renowned artist Fernando Botero. The exhibit opened at the Santa Ana museum on Saturday, Sept. 12.

By Shruti Patel/Daily Titan Photo Editor Ron Ringswood, a geologist, unveiled a surprise exhibit for the Bowers Museum on Friday, Sept. 11, a perfectly untouched emerald which will also be on display with the Botero Exhibit in Anaheim.

New exhibit amazes and amuses

By Charles Purnell For the Daily Titan

features@dailytitan.com

“Big” is what Bowers Museum’s security guard, Victor Lopez, 24, says comes to mind when looking at the paintings of Fernando Botero.

For the first time in 30 years, the internationally acclaimed artist from Medellin, Colombia is displaying his artwork in California.

“The Baroque World of Fernando Botero” opened Sept. 12 and will run through Dec. 6 at Bowers Museum in Santa Ana. The exhibition features over 100 paintings, sculptures and drawings dating from the 1950s to the present.

Botero, 77, loaned artwork from his personal collection for display in Bowers’ Janice Frey Smith and Robert Gumbiner Galleries. Many of the pieces are Botero’s favorite works and some have never before been seen in public.

“I was in the Botero Museum — fortunate enough to be there last weekend in Bogota,” said Peter Keller, president of Bowers Museum. “And frankly, I think the job that our exhibits crew did, headed up by Paul Johnson, shows the Botero work even better than down in Bogota, and it’s a spectacular mu-

seum.”

Botero is world-renowned for his aesthetic style of drafting voluminous forms. The rounded and sensuous figures he creates have a way of capturing your attention and not letting go.

His work embraces religion, politics and history with a captious and comical approach.

He depicts the tragedy of human life as much as he does the comical in his mocking observations that transcends to moving expressions on canvas.

Botero lived, studied and had studios in Greece, Paris, Italy and was very successful. He presently owns homes in Paris, Florence and Greece.

Botero, now in his later days, creates mostly sculptures.

“My theory of his choice of style is also that while he was canvassing he was sculpturing the figure,” said Jacquelyn Hahn, Bowers’ resident expert. “He’s ending up his life by doing mostly sculptures, more than painting and everything else.”

“I was moved very deeply when Fernando Botero, out of his generosity, gave a great part of his collection to the country of Colombia,” said Ron Ringrud, a twenty-year friend of Keller. “He sat down with

his children and said, ‘I’m going to give my collection to Colombia so that the young artists can see and learn from these paintings.’ And it was a collection valued six years ago at 600 million dollars.”

According to Hahn, Botero follows the artistic tradition of Latin masters such as Velazquez, Ingres and French artist Delacroix ; he copies their work but with his own inflated style.

He used his inflated and colorful style in portraits he made of the masters: Picasso, Courbet, Agnes and Velazquez.

He also painted a portrait of Christ in his baroque style which turned out kind of comical because you see Christ suffering on the cross, and he’s fat.

The most controversial painting has to be his brilliant and colorful representation of a human slaughter-fest titled “20.15 Hour Massacre (2004).” Here Botero wanted to sum up all the human violence, the drug trafficking, all the crimes that came from the drugs in Colombia and the political abuses of power against man. The result is a 57 1/2 by 82 1/4 inches oil on canvas painting of five butchered men in a ravaged adobe. There is an array of blood, guts and amputated body

parts. It will make you sick if you stare at it for too long.

Another baroque portrait for viewing is a portrayal of Botero’s home life. His mother is characterized as a widow, crying and desperately trying to survive with three children. Hahn said his mother crying symbolized human suffering.

Botero depicts himself as a little boy helping with the chore of ironing clothes; his head hanging down in despair. The image is heart-wrenching.

Botero’s father died when he was four years old. He was a salesman.

Botero is referred to as “Baroque Botero” in essays by Dr. John Sillevis, curator of the Gemeentemuseum, published in a fully illustrated exhibition catalog that is available for purchase at the Bowers Gallery.

Hahn pointed out Baroque, in the Spanish language, means an irregular pearl that shows up flawless from the oyster. It is also used to describe the paintings of the 17th and 18th century.

“This is a monumental collection for a monumental exhibit by a monumental artist,” said Hahn.

Admission into the museum is $12 for adults and $9 for students, seniors and children 17 and younger.

Jungle Cruise skippers make the masses laugh after hours

By Greg Lehman

Daily Titan Staff Writer features@dailytitan.com

The Skipper Stand-Up Comedy show at the Maverick Theater in Fullerton has showcased the comedic talents of a staple attraction at Disneyland for three years now.

The Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland features skippers who guide a boat full of visitors through the dangers awaiting them in the Adventureland section of Disneyland. The job demands that skippers be performers in front of a new batch of strangers every time they set out on the river.

A high degree of confidence, energy and comedy are demanded of each skipper.

These also happen to be the requirements of anyone pursuing success in stand-up comedy.

The Maverick Theater show is the brainchild of producer, host and Vanguard history professor David Marley, 42, who graduated from Cal State Fullerton with his master’s degree in history in 1998.

“I had been doing stand-up for maybe about a year,” Marley said.

“We were looking for new ideas, and I told my friends, ‘Hey, I used to work at Jungle Cruise for years, and those are the funniest people you’re going to meet. We should do a night of Jungle Cruise skippers.’”

The show was an immediate success, Marley said. “We did the show as a one-time-only lark, and we sold out. And now we’ve been doing it for

By Shruti Patel/Daily Titan Photo Editor Fernando Botero’s style was to copy paintings and portraits of other artists and put his own look on them by making them bigger and more pronounced as seen here in his take on Christ on the Cross.

three years. And every show we’ve ever had has sold out, so it’s just become this huge thing.”

The show involves five to seven skippers performing each night. While Marley acts as the host for the evening and introduces the comedians, each skipper performs their own original material in practiced routines, improvisations and video clips.

“About half the performers had never done stand-up comedy before, and (Brian Newell, owner of the Maverick Theater) didn’t believe they were brand new to it,” Marley PHOTO COURTESY DAVID MARLEY said. “The Jungle Cruise gives them such great experience in Kaz Liput entertains an audience for the Skipper Stand-Up Comedy Show in Fullerton. The all the tools of the trade of do- show features people who have been or are currently skippers on the Disneyland Jungle Cruise ing stand-up.” attraction.

Trevor Kelly has performed Lively is currently an active skip- the performers exactly what they need at all but one of the performances in the show’s three-year his- per at Disneyland and also a human to perform at their best. communications senior at Cal State The show is also made affordable tory. to everyone, with low ticket prices “It’s just like the Jungle Cruise, ex- Fullerton.

“It’s doing eight minutes on stage, and no drink requirements. cept you can say whatever you want,” just like you’re in a boat, except this is “We just kind of keep it fun and Kelly said.

“I’d done sketch comedy, and had your material,” said Lively. “Everyone bright and crazy,” Marley said. “It’s a comedy Web site with a lot of the at the theater and the other perform- been a blast. I’ve been doing this other skippers from Jungle Cruise ers are very encouraging. I don’t think for three years, and I never thought (who have) never done stand-up,” anyone walks away having a negative it would last this long. It just keeps getting better and more fun all the Kelly, 26, said. “I figured, why not? experience.”

While the show has received offers time.”

It’s been fun.”

The next performance is scheduled Kevin Lively, 24, has one year of from other venues, Marley said that experience performing at the Skipper the Maverick provides a perfect envi- for Sunday, Oct. 4, at 7 p.m. at the Maverick Theater. For more informaStand-Up show. “David’s really good ronment for the act.

With a free pass to say and do tion visit http://www.skipperstandup. at bringing comfort to the people who whatever they want, the theater gives com/. are kind of nervous,” Lively said.

4

Up, up and away over Great Park ited the balloon two years ago.

From 400 feet in the air, the design and overfeatures@dailytitan.com all look of the park is unfinished but beautiful.

Flowers, trees and lush green grass cover the For anyone who has ever imagined the pos- ground. sibility of grabbing hold of a balloon and taking Tables covered with plastic yellow umbrellas flight – wonder no more. look like flowers from the sky and the slick deThe Orange County Great Park in Irvine of- sign of an arrow perpetually points north. fers rides on its first major attraction, the Great Jeff Williams, 22, flew the balloon that day.

Park Balloon.

Williams said he averages about 20-25 flights a Best of all, it’s free. day and had to obtain certification to become a “Very good, just like Disneyland,” Elizabeth pilot, which consisted of two weeks of training Jay, 90, said with a smile. and an additional test.

Jay shared her first balloon ride with her son, Williams said a setting sun always provides a granddaughter and great-granddaughter. great view when going on the balloon.

“I’d come back,” Jay said. “This is dandy.”

“Right before sunset, 7:00 p.m.-7:30 p.m. at The Great Park Balloon holds between five- night, it’s totally different,” said Williams.

30 passengers, taking them The Great Park Balloon site 400 feet in the air. was built on top of the former According to the Great El Toro Marine Base.

From 400 in the Park’s Web site, the balloon At 400 feet up, the park’s air, the design and is one of the largest tethered walkable timeline that’s paintoverall look of the helium balloons and the first ed on the ground is fully visof its kind in the United park is unfinished but ible, showing different points States. in U.S. and world history rebeautiful.

From the I-5, the balloon garding flight. is visible in the distance, re“(We) really want to presembling a giant orange cuserve military history,” said riously rising and descending from the sky.

Mustafa Allahrakha, 21, a University of CaliHuge orange circles have been painted on the fornia, San Diego student and employee of the black asphalt of Perimeter Road, trailing drivers Great Park Balloon. to the parking lot.

Allahrakha said the free balloon ride is a way People who wish to ride the balloon must to draw the public in and inform them of fufirst check in and sign a waver. ture plans for the park.

Then it’s a short walk to the balloon’s base.

Over time, the balloon will provide a great Before departure, the orange balloon swayed vantage point to watch the Great Park develop gently in the wind. and grow in size, which is estimated to be twice It was attached with metal wires to a platform the size of New York’s Central Park once comthat shook slightly as people walked around on pleted. it.

Once the Great Park is finished, it will “really Riders were asked to spread out for equal put Orange County on the map,” Allahrakha weight distribution before take-off. said.

“Everybody hang on, please,” the balloon’s According to the Great Park’s Web site, the pilot said. balloon is environmentally safe, and non-polThere was a quick jolt and the balloon slowly luting. started to lift up, creating the unfamiliar feeling “The balloon is always tethered to the ground of weighing less than air. with a steel cable and is never in a state of free “Kind of like being on a kite. Let you out, flight, making it both a safe and fun experience float around and come back down,” Jon Stapp, for everyone,” states the Web site.

39, said.

For more information on flight times and He came with his daughter who he recalls other Great Park activities, visit http://www. was too small to go on it the first time they vis- ocgp.org/visit/balloon/.

FEATURES

September 16, 2009

By Jonathan Montgomery Daily Titan Staff Writer

“

“

By Shruti Patel/Daily Titan Photo Editor Jon Stapp, 39, rides the balloon at Orange County Great Park. The park is built atop the former El Toro Marine Corps Air Station in Irvine. Stapp rode with his daughter who was too small to ride when he brought her to the balloon two years ago.

5

FEATURES

September 16, 2009

Battle with cancer claims dancer-turned-actor

(MCT) – Patrick Swayze, the two-fisted Texan who danced like a god, died Monday in Los Angeles after a battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57.

“Patrick Swayze passed away peacefully today with family at his side after facing the challenges of his illness for the last 20 months,” said a statement released Monday night by his publicist, Annett Wolf. No other details were given.

It’s hard not to think that the one-time gymnast who vaulted to stardom in 1987’s “Dirty Dancing” had rehearsed his premature exit in the 1990 blockbuster “Ghost.”

As the banker who solves his own murder mystery, he speaks from the dead to his living sweetheart, Demi Moore. Swayze, impossibly sexy and throbbingly sensitive, tells her: “It’s amazing, the love inside. You take it with you.”

That’s a reassuring thought for Lisa Niemi, Swayze’s wife of 34 years years, and for his many fans who greeted the actor’s March 2008 announcement that he had Stage IV pancreatic cancer with prayers and prayer circles. (See patrickswayze.net).

There are great actors and there are great screen personalities. Swayze was the latter. His reputation rests on “Dirty Dancing” and “Ghost,” and what made them beloved was his gallantry. Quite simply, he radiated Galahad-like honor. “Patrick possessed a depth of nobility,” said his “Point Break” director Kathryn Bigelow.

Even while undergoing chemotherapy, Swayze put in long hours on the television cable drama “The Beast” on A&E. When well-wishers inquired how he nurtured such a positive attitude despite a prognosis that claims 75 percent of patients within a year, the consummate professional crisply replied, “When the statistics say you’re a dead man? You go to work.”

To quote the phrase made famous by his distant relative, Timex pitchman John Cameron Swayze, throughout a lifetime of physical challenges, the actor took a licking and kept on ticking.

Along with Tom Cruise, Matt Dillon, Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe and Ralph Macchio, Swayze was cast in Francis Coppola’s “The Outsiders,” the 1983 teen-angst drama considered the first “Brat Pack” film. Although Swayze opted for neither the commercial path taken by Cruise nor the trailblazing one of Dillon, the late actor possessed a spark – and a sparkle – that few of his peers could match.

Even as a teenager, this firstborn son of a cowboy and a choreographer boasted a rugged grace, excelling both on the football gridiron and at the ballet barre. Like John Travolta, whose mother was also a choreographer,

Swayze had swagger and sincerity.

But he wasn’t one for locker-room bragging, which he disdained as “kill-that-guy” talk. Between that and the ballet lessons, he was frequently roughed up by the local bullies for being a sissy. Swayze followed the counsel of his mother, Patsy: “Take your ballet slippers outta your pocket and beat the stuffin’ out of them” _ “them” being the bullies.

In 1970 the aspiring dancer was awarded a gymnastics scholarship at San Jacinto College in Houston but soon dropped out to play Prince Charming in a national tour of “Disney on Parade.”

When he returned to his native Houston, he first met his future wife, then 14 and a student in his mother’s dancing school. After a brief stint with the Buffalo Ballet, in 1972 he moved to New York City, where he studied and performed with several companies, including the Harkness, Joffrey and Eliot Feld.

A muscular dancer of the Gene Kelly sort, Swayze stuck out like a cactus among the jonquils. “I had 19-inch arms,” he recalled.

“I was the Godzilla of ballet.” When an old football injury flared up, he found it increasingly hard to pirouette. Doctors told him he would be crippled, but he defied them and his balky knee photos courtesy mct by submitting to Above: Actors Travis Fimmel (left) and Patrick Swayze (right) film scenes for the TV show “The Beast” in Chicago, Illinois. Below: Actor Patrick five surgeries.

As Feld planned Swayze, pictured in February of 2004, has died on Monday, September 13, 2009, after battling pancreatic cancer for nearly two years. a ballet for Swayze and Mikhail BaryThough he didn’t have much training as an actor, he unique niche in what might be called good-bad movshnikov, the future actor had registered as the stoic teenagers of “The Outsiders” and ies: films enjoyable despite their preposterousness. Flicks knee reconstruction that “Red Dawn” (1984). In the latter, made shortly after his such as “Road House” (as a bar bouncer with a Ph.D!). nipped his ballet career in the father had died of a massive stroke at age 56, Swayze And “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newbud. first wed physical strength with emotional sensitivity, the mar” (as Vida Boheme, majestic drag queen). And the That fortitude, however, secret sauce in his best-loved roles. This hunk of beefcake extravagantly entertaining “Point Break” (as Bodhi, had a dare-devil downside. In was unusually tender. koan-spouting skydiver/surfer/ringmaster of counterculhis early years, Swayze was a Just as he was on the brink of a breakout role, the guy tural bank robbers). reckless motorcycle driver and with the secret sauce was hitting the bottle and trashing After he turned his life around, the actor many called problem drinker. By all ac- hotel rooms. At first, he bucked his wife’s efforts to steer Hollywood’s nicest guy was named People Magazine’s counts, what kept him from him into Alcoholics Anonymous. Then he tapped into sexiest man in 1991. He and Niemi bought themselves a spinning out was Niemi. He that reservoir of willpower and stopped drinking. That’s five-acre spread north of L.A. at the foot of the Angeles was 23, she was 19. Because when a little movie called “Dirty Dancing,” a bad boy/ National Forest, named it Rancho Bizarro, and popudancing didn’t pay the rent, good girl love story released with zero expectations, re- lated it with Arabian horses, dogs and peacocks. They and his role as Danny Zuko started his career. tried for children, but after several miscarriages both felt in “Grease” on Broadway Who could forget his Johnny Castle: Black muscle “the window had closed” on their opportunity to beonly temporary, they supple- shirt, black jeans, Cuban heels and snake-hipped swag- come parents. mented their income through ger? As the misunderstood mambo-king dance instrucA longtime student of Buddhism, Swayze was drawn carpentry. When they moved tor at a Catskills family resort in 1961, he leaps off the to “City of Joy” (1992), the Calcutta-set film where he to Hollywood in 1978, one screen like a cross between James Dean and Baryshnikov, plays a dropout doctor who recovers his vocation. of the homes they rehabbed lust object of everyone who loved men, role model for He often delivered dialogue guru-style, and with his was that of Jaclyn Smith, the everyone who wanted to be a man. passing, some of his oracular lines seem eerily prescient.

“Charlie’s Angels” star.

His chemistry with co-star Jennifer Grey made the Swayze’s family and fans (and who is not?) might find The leap from from ballet corps to screen was, as he movie a hormonal contact high. (“She’s Like the Wind,” comfort in remembering “Point Break,” in which he was the first to admit, shaky. Swayze was a throwback to a love song he wrote for his wife, is on the soundtrack says, “It’s not tragic to die doing what you love.” Or “The the 1950s, a looker who could dance. But in the 1970s and became a chart-topping single.) To paraphrase the Outsiders,” where as the big brother counseling his baby Hollywood had John Travolta to fill that particular niche. film’s most celebrated line, after “Dirty Dancing” no one bro, he says, “Just because you lose somebody, you don’t The closest he came was “Skatetown, USA” (1979), a put Swayze in the corner. stop living.” cheesy roller-disco affair; and “Grandview, USA” (1984), There are good movies and there are bad movies, and Besides his wife Lisa, he is survived by his mother, a love triangle set in the demolition-derby milieu. he made quite a few in each category. But he carved a Patsy, and siblings Don, Sean and Bambi.

Arguing the merits of beer versus wine (MCT) – On the campus of the University of California at Davis, famed for its vineyardists and enologists. Charles Bamforth is the sly interloper, both chairman of the Department of Food Science and Technology and Anheuser-Busch Endowed Professor of Malting and Brewing Sciences.

When everyone else at the bar is ordering a glass of wine, Bamforth is the one lifting a pint of beer.

Now, to show that beer deserves to be seen as equal or better than wine, Bamforth has written a book, “Grape vs. Grain.”

“I facetiously tell my students that Jesus performed the miracle of converting water into wine because doing the trick of water to beer was far too technically demanding. The winemakers remind me that it was his first miracle,” he writes early on.

In frequently dry detail, he goes on to show persuasively that making beer is at least as intricate as making wine, and that the result has a tradition, application and value just as

worthy of reverence.

We came away from the book with a few questions: Do you think you provided a balanced account? After all, aren’t your sentiments more closely aligned with beer?

“I am 30 years in the brewing industry, so obviously I’m passionate about beer. I enjoy wine, I drink wine, I respect wine, but beer is much more complex, it’s far harder to make, it’s scientifically more demanding. ... I tried to be completely evenhanded, but beer is more complex and just as sophisticated as wine.”

Are you sure you want beer to be seen as more sophisticated than it is?

“I don’t want to alienate the existing market, but I want to make the point that there are many beers suitable for many occasions. When I go into a restaurant I would like to see a good beer list as well as a good wine list.

“Beer needs to keep its feet on the

ground, but I respectfully request that wine take itself a little less seriously and climb off its pedestal a little bit more.”

Beer, you say, is “every ounce the equal of wine, by any yardstick you choose to nominate.” Why, then, isn’t beer as highly regarded?

“Wine over the years has come to be seen as more cerebral. It just has happened. It’s attracted discussion, whereas beer historically has been seen as a fundamental part of the diet. It was drunk rather than talked about.”

“Wine has this mystique, this mystery, this social status, and I take my hat off to that. I wish the brewing industry would stress beer more as a product of excellence.”

Might it be because cheerleaders are used to promote beer but not wine?

“That is an issue. It’s hard for me as an academic to draw attention to the wholesome merits of beer consumption when beer is presented in a man-behaving-badly sort of way.

Beer often is perceived as a young man’s drink, and I don’t want to alienate that audience, but some beers of complexity and excellence certainly can interest others.”

It didn’t help that in 14th century England, women who sold ale were called “hucksters” while women who sold wine were called “hostesses,” did it?

“There you go.”

Is the foam that forms the head on a beer just a nuisance?

“Quite the opposite. It’s a wonderful aspect of beer quality. The foam has a direct impact on people’s impression of quality. It also influences flavor, mouthfeel, the texture of the beer on your lip.”

When the Robert Mondavi Institute for Wine and Food Science opens at UC Davis this fall, are the viticulturists and enologists going to let you in the building?

“I’ll let them in. Of course they will. We’re old friends. All I’m doing is saying, look at which is more sophisticated and more complicated.

Photo courtesy mct In hopes of showing that beer deserves to be seen as sophisticated, valuable and as complex as wine, Charles Bamforth has written a book, “Grape vs. Grain” (Cambridge University Press, $27, 200 pages).

Beer is the more complex and the more demanding to make. There’s a lot more effort put into the science of brewing. I just want to make that point. And it’s said that wine is bet-

ter with food and better for you, but neither is true. Beer can hold its head up. Beer has nothing to be ashamed of. Beer can live in this company quite happily.”

OPINION

6

September 16, 2009

Alien in America

Titan Editorial

“From the inside looking out”

Providing insight, analysis and perspective since 1960

Silencing our successors Should murder, rape and pedophilia be outlawed? United States have moved against student rights as Should First Amendment rights be chucked? The an- recently as 2007. swer to any question that begins with ‘should’ is found In the 2007 Morse v. Frederick case, Justice Clarin the fabric of a culture; a society dictates its own ence Thomas basically stated in his opinion that stuanswers. So, should First Amendment rights for stu- dents do not have free speech rights until they turn dents be protected? The event that took place last week 18. at Orange County High School for the Arts made it Apparently, our own high justices do not realize that apparent that student rights is a frayed and unfinished rulings are reflections on our society. And if Thomas part of the American pattern. knew this, he believes that American culture does not Administrators last week kept Orange County High support the virtue of honesty.

School for the Arts’ student newspaper from going to Any ruling against a form of expression, whether it print because principal Sue Vaughn wanted to hear the be a smile or a murder, is a display on the values of the rationale behind including in a news piece that a new culture of the ruling body: outlaw a smile, and your company managsociety is shown to ing the cafeteria is dislike smiles; outChristian-based. law murder, your The administrasociety does not tion went a step support murderfurther by stating ing. So outlaw the it would review right of a student each future issue to express a fact: before the newspayour society does per went to print. not support openUnless Vaughn ness and honesty. and her adminis“This is what tration meant to primarily frightens break state law, me about journalshe was ignorant ism today: our of the meaning of worriedness about California Educaoffending sometion Code Section one else gets in the 48907 that states, way of reporting.

“Pupils of the pubSometimes speech Illustration By Jon Harguindeguy/For the Daily Titan offends because life lic schools shall have the right to exercise offends. What right freedom of speech and of the press ... There shall be no do we have to try to protect our readers from the ugliprior restraint of material prepared for official school ness of life?” Genelle Belmas, professor of media law, publications except insofar as it violates this section.” said.

Sources stated that the administration admitted its Belmas acknowledges that students actively engage error and will reinstate the paper’s protected rights. in life, and it follows that they engage with all the vileBut behind the blatant censorship of the student ness that adults face. newspaper is the fact that authority too often wants to “I can’t sanitize your life for you. And that’s what suspend student rights.

I am afraid we end up doing with our kids. We want “The whole issue of student freedom is one that has to protect them. … But in so doing, we go overboard been kicked around for a few years. There’s a lot of in- and we take away rights that they will as adults get to timidation and a lot of control in high school student enjoy in the name of their own safety,” Belmas said. newspapers by principals, perhaps even by teachers, Those in grade school are the vessels for our future trying to create more of a public relations organ rather values. They will run the looms that weave the pattern than a real true newspaper,” Rick Pullen, Dean of the of our culture.

College of Communications, said.

To keep rights from them is to deny rights to our In fact, beyond authoritative principals and teach- successors. ers, members of the current Supreme Court of the America must be better than that.

Five Across the Eyes “A slap in the face to those most deserving”

Continuing a presidential tradition

by Jeremiah Magan

Daily Titan Opinion Editor opinion@dailytitan.com

Kanye West is a “jackass.”

These were essentially President Barack Obama’s words when he was preparing for an interview on CNBC. At the time, the president was participating in an informal discussion about the pop culture news of the day, West’s outburst at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards.

While the discussion was not officially off-the-record, it was said in a relaxed atmosphere where the president likely felt comfortable enough to speak his mind. He should have known better since he was sitting in a room full of reporters with their discussion being streamed directly to ABC News’ headquarters.

And being the Twitter-happy reporters they are, they immediately released the statement for the masses to read.

While very few people would actually disagree with Obama’s sentiment, it was irresponsible of him to shoot his mouth off the way he did.

As Matea Gold stated in her ar-

Letters to the Editor:

ticle for the Los Angeles Times, “In this age of nearly ubiquitous media, it’s difficult for the president to ever truly be off-the-record.”

You would think Obama learned his lesson back in July when he stated that the police officers who arrested a Harvard professor in his own home “acted stupidly.”

Or in March when he compared his bowling ability to the “Special Olympics” while appearing on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”

After realizing what he had said about West, Obama referenced the time he was being interviewed by CNBC and swatted a fly during a break. This footage found its way to the masses, and apparently offended PETA greatly enough to make it a headline story for a few days.

Presidents of recent memory have had a habit of putting their foot in their mouths multiple times throughout their terms. And it would appear that Obama will be no different.

Though we may not be getting any gems of enlightenment like former President George W. Bush’s, “There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once,

shame on – shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.”

Or former President Bill Clinton’s, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

Today’s world of media convergence and 24-hour news cycles has created a report-first-ask-questionslater mentality in many journalists and reporters.

News outlets have taken to reporting stories that have less social impact than a lizard farting in the desert, but at least they’re first.

The president’s words and opinion of West is not the story “Nightline” news anchor Terry Moran should have “tweeted.” It’s the fact that Obama has continued the timehonored presidential tradition of opening his mouth before thinking that bothers me.

Obama’s blunders appear to be coming about because he is too comfortable with his surroundings.

Though, I wouldn’t advise him to shove a stick up his rectum for the sake of posterity. If a few slips of the tongue are the price we must pay for a mostly well-spoken, relaxed and unstressed president, then I think we can live with the cost.

Any feedback, positive or negative, is encouraged, as we strive to keep an open dialogue with our readership. The Daily Titan reserves the right to edit letters for length, grammar and spelling. Direct all comments, questions or concerns along with your full name and major to the Daily Titan Opinion Desk at opinion@dailytitan.com.

For the record Articles written for the Daily Titan by columnists, other Cal State Fullerton students or guests do not necessarily reflect the view of the Daily Titan or Daily Titan Editorial Board.

Only the editorials are representative of the views of the Daily Titan Editorial Board.

Sex, a la carte

by Isa Ghani

Daily Titan Multimedia Editor opinion@dailytitan.com

“(310) [555-1456].”

“What? What is that?”

“It’s my number, take it down.”

That is what passes for a pick-up line in America. Great, isn’t it? A friend of mine was on the receiving end of that one. Sadly, it didn’t work, but the guy gets an ‘A’ for effort.

Here’s a good pick-up line/trick: Go up to a woman and say, “Excuse me, I lost my phone, could you help me call it?”

And of course, when she does, you’ll have a hot lady’s number.

It may not be classy, but hey, it worked for one of my friends.

Another hilarious one was a guy who went up to a woman in class and lent her a pen, and instead of taking it back afterward, offered to trade the pen for a date.

I actually tried one of these, but I won’t say which one.

These are pretty good examples of the type of pick-up lines I’ve heard since coming to America.

And it’s not just guys who have corny pick-up lines, I’ve heard some real zingers from women too.

Here’s an example, a woman walked up to a tall black guy at a party and asked: “Hey, you’re tall; do you play basketball?”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

“Oh OK, is it true what they say about tall basketball players? That they have big dicks?”

His reply was, “Well, why don’t you come with me and find out?”

Then they walked off hand-inhand. I was right there when this happened, and man, I wished I was 6 foot 5 inches too.

See, in America, everyone is a lot more casual and open about dating, relationships and sex, at least compared to where I’m from.

In bars here, you buy a woman a drink to say hi and start the conversation/flirting (the underlying message of this is that you want to get her drunk before you start any relationship with her, something no one seems to realize).

Back home, it would take you at least three dates to get to second base.

People only seem to go to clubs here to get laid - not to dance. On that note, Americans (Caucasians especially) only seem to know two dance moves: girls turn around and grind on guys, and the guys hump the woman in reciprocation.

It’s pretty funny to watch, at least from an outsider’s point of view.

I’ve also seen girls so drunk in clubs that they fall on the velvet rope, bringing down half the dance floor with them.

What I’m trying to say is it’s easy over here, almost too easy, to get laid; at least if you try hard enough.

But then again, judging from the pick-up lines I’ve heard, sometimes you don’t even need to try that hard – just be decent-looking and 6 foot 5 inches.

But when 1-in-4 Americans have an STD of some sort, and 1-in-3 people with HIV don’t know they have it, perhaps easy isn’t such a

good thing.

People are promiscuous here, and sex is openly talked about, which is a great thing.

I personally love the no-beatingaround-the-bush and upfront-ness of American females.

Sex in America is served a la carte, and you can have as much as you like, at least until you “eat” yourself sick.

But on the flip side, I’ve met 21year-old women who have had three abortions since the age of 18.

To me, that seems like a problem.

I’m all for having the right to choose, but when a woman treats abortions as a form of birth control, I think something is not quite right.

Where I’m from, this is the usual progression of a male – female relationship: Step one: Meet woman and ask her out.

Step two: Go out on a date.

Step three: Decide if you like each other.

Step four: Have sex.

In America, it’s: Step one: Meet up.

Step two: Have sex.

Step three: Decide if the sex was good enough to justify a second date.

So ask yourself, is it really better to have your sex a la carte with a side of herpes and gonorrhea, or take things slower and actually have relationships with people that don’t end when the sun comes up?

But keep in mind, this is college; so if we don’t fool around now, when will we?

‘Next Top Model’ makes progress

By Sarah paulsen

For the Daily Titan

opinion@dailytitan.com

Models notoriously stand tall with spidery long legs, towering over the average woman in their Chanel coats, Miu Miu miniskirts and the newest Jimmy Choos.

“America’s Next Top Model” have reinforced this stereotype. Only once has a plus size woman won the competition, leaving the one and only Tyra Banks hovering next to 11 statuesque, bony, gladiator top models.

But Banks has proven that she is determined to change the world of modeling. Her confession of cellulite taking prime real estate on her thighs was not enough.

The choice of one plus size winner was not enough.

No, Banks now dares to take the competitive realm of modeling to a new level — a lower one. For the first time, ANTM called only for applicants under the height of 5 feet 7 inches. Needless to say, the herds of petite women were bountiful at auditions across the nation.

Last Wednesday on the season premiere, Banks and two other judges narrowed the competition down to 14 pint-sized models.

Standing at a mere 5 feet 3 inches, I have always known that I would never grace a runway or appear in the pages of my favorite magazine: Vogue.

These thoughts most likely ran through the minds of all the applicants for this season of the show, too.

Even as Banks had to cut women from the competition, she did not bluff about the rigorous requirements of today’s modeling agencies.

She admitted to them that they would walk into agencies and be told they were too short. But she encouraged that they could do catalog work.

For anyone who doesn’t follow modeling, catalog work is like a slap in the face to an ambitious model.

Fashion models are the real models.

Everything else is nothing but community college when you’ve always dreamed of going to Harvard.

It’s a joke, really. But, if all goes well, this season of ANTM could change that. If Banks’ choice at the end of the season succeeds and proves that there can be more than one Kate Moss, our society’s perception of model measurements could change forever.

I have to admit that I question a lot of things that Banks does. Sometimes, that bitch is just crazy. But

watching the premiere of ANTM, I felt oddly emotional.

In a society where women are told they have to look a certain way all the time, it’s difficult to find selfconfidence.

The pressure, to be tall, thin and flawless shoves far too many women into a corner of self-deprecation and self-loathing — a corner I find myself in far too often. Yes, these petite models still have tiny frames; but, I see hope in their presence and their confidence.

This is just one step in the right direction. Next, it might be America’s Next Top Chubby Petite Model.

Who knows?

Beauty should always be subjective, never a standard set by pretentious mongrels with personal stylists, personal trainers and endless bounds of money. Beautiful women can be short. Beautiful women can have love handles. Beautiful women can have acne and braces.

So, for the time being, I applaud Banks and her effort to change the world of modeling.

I will continue to watch the show, and I will hold faith in a future world where someone short and curvy like myself can be called beautiful and can represent the likes of Jean Paul Gaultier and Christian Lacroix.

Kanye West overreacts, world surprised

By Summer Rogers

Daily Titan Staff Writer opinion@dailytitan.com

On Sunday, MTV broadcast its annual MTV Video Music Awards.

The first category of the evening was Best Female Video.

When “Twilight” star Taylor Lautner announced that 19-yearold country singer Taylor Swift won, she was in utter shock. Swift proudly held her Moonman and began her acceptance speech when she was abruptly interrupted by rapper Kanye West who took the microphone away from her and began ranting.

“Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you; I’m gonna let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time,” West said.

Beyonce was shocked, Swift was nearly in tears and the entire audience, filled with fellow musicians and artists, booed West and began chanting, “Taylor Swift! Taylor

Swift!” However, due to time restraints, Swift was unable to finish her acceptance speech.

How could one musician do that to another? How could he take her moment away from her like that?

Kanye, who died and made you the new King of Pop? Because it certainly was not Michael Jackson.

Madonna, in her opening monologue at the VMAs even said that Jackson would forever be the King of Pop. Who do you think you are to have the final say on whose video is the best and whose video deserves a VMA award or not?

You are most certainly entitled to your opinion, but there are other outlets in which you may do that in.

There is no reason or excuse for you to insult and disrespect someone in a roomful of peers and on national television.

Now you’re trying to backpedal and apologize for what you did, via appearing on “The Jay Leno Show” on Monday, but you never actually

apologized and said, “Taylor Swift, I’m a douche, and I’m extremely sorry.”

You made lame excuses, and you got all choked up when Leno mentioned your mom and how she would feel about the situation.

Maybe you were thinking about the phrase, “Any press is good press,” when you were making the biggest mistake of your life; however, I think you’ve really screwed your career and that’s saying something.

You couldn’t even get through presenting an award because people were booing you.

At the culmination of the VMAs, Beyonce won Video of the Year. Beyonce invited Swift back on stage to finish her acceptance speech.

The crowd exploded in applause and cheers, so appreciative of Beyonce, even though she was not the cause of all the trouble, she righted a wrong.

Thank you, Beyonce. And as for you, Kanye, you should probably lay low for awhile.

7

Sports

September 16, 2009

IN OTHER NEWS

Vick back on Eagles active roster

Titans to host No. 7 UCLA and Fordham

With the injury of Donovan McNabb, the Eagles were forced to bring back quarterback Jeff Garcia.

By chad uemera/Daily Titan Staff Photographer The women’s volleyball team looks to rebound after dropping three of four games.

After a disappointing 1-3 schedule last week, the Titans return home to host the Brea Embassy Suites Fullerton Classic this weekend at Titan Gym. The Tourney will bring in Fordham, nationally-ranked UCLA and national contender and Big West rival Long Beach State.

The Titans started the week by dropping the championship game of the Active Ankle Challenge in Corvallis to host Oregon State, 20-25, 19-25, 14-25. It was the Titans first loss of the year, snapping a sevenmatch winning streak dating back to last season.

The team then traveled to Albuquerque, New Mexico, to participate in the Friday-Saturday Comcast Challeng. Fullerton dropped its first match to the host Lobos (19-25, 17-25, 22-25) as the Titan offense stalled. Freshman Kayla Neto provided the offensive spark with her

first 12-kill match of her young career.

The Titans picked up their only win of the week over Pittsburgh (25-22, 25-19, 25-22) on Friday night behind 11 kills each from Alex Wolnisty and Erin Saddler. Wolnisty hit .667 on the night and eventually was rewarded with all-tournament honors after Saturday’s match with Baylor.

The Bears finished off the Challenge with a perfect record, and kept their season-long (11-0) perfect record intact with a 3-0 (11-25, 17-25, 24-26) sweep of the Titans to wrap up the tournament. Junior Jonny Hart had her first career 10kill match, and she and Saddler (13 kills) did their best to offset the 30 Titan attack errors on the afternoon.

STORY COURTESY OF TITAN MEDiA RELATIONS

(MCT) - If you don’t like the Ea- think that Brown has more value as a gles’ roster this season, all you have wide receiver. Brown will likely play to do is wait a day and it’s bound to Sunday against New Orleans. change.

Baskett had one catch for 6 yards And so it did a couple of times on against the Panthers. In 48 career Tuesday. games with the Eagles, he caught 72 After the Eagles put offensive passes for 1,052 yards and 6 touchtackle Shawn Andrews on the in- downs. jured reserve list to create room on He had his best season a year ago, the roster for quarterback Jeff Garcia when he caught 33 passes for 440 in the morning, they followed up in yards and 3 touchdowns, but in the afternoon by releasing receiver the last two seasons the Eagles have Hank Baskett. The second decision drafted three young wide receivers cleared roster space for quarterback in DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin, Michael Vick, who was activated and Brandon Gibson. from the exempt list.

Brown, a second-round pick in Baskett’s release came after the 2005, has better career numbers than Eagles couldn’t trade him Monday Baskett with 168 catches for 2,419 night. The veteran receiver said, “I’m yards and 17 touchdowns. Slowed not speaking about it,” when he was by hamstring and groin injuries last reached by phone. season, he managed just 18 catches By being removed from the ex- for 252 yards and one touchdown, empt list, Vick can fully partici- all career lows. pate in practice with the Eagles on The Eagles kept seven wide receivWednesday at the NovaCare Com- ers on their opening-day roster, but plex. the situation seemed unlikely to stay That gives him two weeks to pre- that way. pare for the Sept. 27 game against The Baskett decision could have a Kansas City, the ripple effect on the first game he is eliquarterback situgible to play.

That gives him two ation. The Eagles The decision to weeks to prepare for the now have four release Baskett af- Sept. 27 game against quarterbacks on the fected more than 53-man roster.

Kansas City. just Vick, however.

Garcia, who It also meant signed his one-year the Eagles decided contract Tuesday, wide receiver Reggie Brown is more seems likely to be released after valuable than Baskett even though Donovan McNabb recovers from the Brown was deactivated for Sunday’s fractured rib he suffered Sunday, but season opener against the Carolina Garcia might also remain a bit lonPanthers (and the NFC champion- ger. He said he would love to help ship game at Arizona last season) tutor third-year quarterback Kevin and Baskett played against Carolina. Kolb, who will likely make his first A team source said the coaching career start, against the New Orleans staff’s decision to play Baskett on Saints, on Sunday.

Sunday was based on his value on “I’m not trying to step in for anyspecial teams. The Eagles seem to body,” Garcia said. “I’m trying to

“

“

Women’s Volleyball

PHOTO COURTESY MCT Michael Vick being on the active roster means he can practice full-time with the Eagles.

blend in and parallel what is already going on as far as the work in progress is concerned. I think with Kevin there, being a young guy, I can just maybe help open his eyes to certain things that maybe he hasn’t opened his eyes to as of yet. I’m sure he has been able to see so much of that through Donovan, and I just want to be able to help out where I can.”

The Eagles’ current roster is short on linemen with Andrews being placed on injured reserve. Because guard Todd Herremans is still recovering from a stress fracture in his left foot, the Eagles have only eight

healthy linemen.

ESPN.com reported that Brian Westbrook will be eligible to become a free agent after next season because the Eagles chose not to exercise a $7 million option to extend the deal beyond the 2010 season.

Westbrook will make $5.85 million this season and $7.25 million next year, then be eligible for free agency prior to the 2011 season.

According to a team source, both parties were aware that was the most likely scenario when the contract was negotiated and signed before the start of the 2008 season.

8

SPORTS

September 16, 2009

From big winners to big whiners

(MCT) There are moments on this planet when the stars align. You breeze through every stop light on green. You don’t hear the dogs barking at six in the morning. You watch a sporting event in which petulance and putrid manners aren’t rewarded.

We hit the Holy Grail this past weekend.

Serena Williams got blocked from the U.S. Open women’s final. Kyle Busch didn’t qualify for NASCAR’s championship run. Jay Cutler got plastered by the Green Bay Packers defense.

The common bond between these athletes? Loud, pouty whiners.

Ladies first. Williams got jobbed by a lousy call - double-fault at 5-6, 15-30 of the second set - in the semi-

finals against Kim Clijsters on Saturday.

It’s a ticky-tacky call that should never be made at such a crucial point in a match.

But still . . .

Williams’ profane outburst was inexcusable. She threatened the lineswoman, screaming, “I swear to God, I’ll (bleeping) take this ball and shove it down your (bleeping) throat.”

Now think about this for a moment: It cost Williams a point penalty, which cost Williams the match.

Otherwise, she may have come back and advanced to the finals. She was fined $10,000 - less than a third of her take-away purse for advancing to the semis.

erees, his receivers for running the wrong routes (in his mind), and anybody else he considered not worthy of being in his presence.

P e r haps Mr. Pouty Pants should have screamed at himself.

He often threw off the wrong foot, and across his body. He had the worst game of his NFL career,

“

throwing four interceptions in a loss to the Packers.

His passer rating was a staggering 43.2.

And why was Cutler playing in Green Bay Sunday?

H e whined his way out of town in Denver because he was unhappy there.

It didn’t matter that Denver was

Roger Goodell would have her on indefinite suspension today. David Stern would have her groveling at his feet begging forgiveness.

“

photo courtesy mct Serena Williams’ behavior at the U.S. Open kept her from advancing to the finals.

If the United States Tennis Association had any backbone, officials would have bounced her from the rest of the tournament — meaning she would not have been allowed to play in Monday’s women’s doubles final.

Williams was rewarded for her petulance by celebrating her 10th Grand Slam doubles title and splitting $420,000 with her sister, Venus.

Imagine this boorish behavior in any other league.

Roger Goodell would have her on indefinite suspension today. David Stern would have her groveling at his feet begging forgiveness. Mike Helton would have put her in park for a month.

Her first reaction was to say she has no regrets and is trying to move on.

Williams then meekly “apologized” through a prepared statement posted on her Web site.

It came 36 hours later, after attending MTV’s VMA Awards Show on Sunday night. Please.

Williams wasn’t the only one mumbling a few expletives over the weekend.

Busch, NASCAR’s temperamental bad boy, fell just eight points shy of qualifying for the Chase after finishing fifth during Saturday night’s race at Richmond International Speedway.

Busch always has a habit of bumping into things, whether it’s cars or people.

He seems to always be involved in some sort of point-the-finger-at-theother-guy ruckus. Maybe he can’t help himself. Maybe it’s the way he’s programmed as a competitor.

But it does tend to get really old in a hurry.

“I think there is part of your personality that is there at the beginning of your career and goes all the way through,” Jeff Gordon said when I asked him about Busch’s temperamental issues earlier this year. “You can’t change it. It is who you are.”

The trifecta came Sunday Night when Chicago Bears quarterback Cutler imploded against the Packers.

Cutler spent a good part of the evening screaming at people: Ref-

a better fit for him - better offensive mind as a coach, a tremendous wide receiver in Brandon Marshall and fans who absolutely adore their quarterbacks. Right, Mr. Elway?

But no, Cutler wanted out, feeling disrespected and underappreciated after the team considered trading him in the off-season.

That’s how whiners roll.

It’s never their fault. Three-yearolds have a stronger sense of responsibility.

They don’t get it. They never will get it.

It was good to see them vanish this past weekend, even if it was just a cosmic coincidence.

photo courtesy mct Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler had a rough time during Sunday night’s loss to the Green Bay Packer at Lambeau Field.

Classifieds

september 16, 2009

Index Announcements 1100 1200 1300 1400 1500 1600 1700 1800 1900 2000 2100

Campus Events/Services Campus Organizations Greeks Legal Notices Lost and Found Miscellaneous Personals Pregnancy Research Subjects Sperm/ Egg Donors Tickets Offered / wanted

Merchandise 2200 2300 2400 2500 2600 2700 2800 2900 3000 3100 3200 3300 3400 3500

Appliances Art/Painting/Collectibles Books Computers/Software Electronics Furniture Garage/Yard Sales Health Products Miscellaneous Musical Instruments Office Equipment Pets Rentals Sports Equipment

Transportation 3600 3700 3800 3900

Auto Accessories/Repair Auto Insurance Miscellaneous Vehicles For sale/Rent

Travel 4000 4100 4200 4300

Resorts/Hotels Rides Offered/Wanted Travel Tickets Vacation Packages

Services 4400 4500 4600 4700 4800 4900 5000 5100 5200 5300 5400 5500 5600 5700 5800 5900 6000

1-900 Numbers Financial Aid Insurance Computer/Internet Foreign Languages Health/Beauty Services Acting/Modeling Classes Legal Advice/Attorneys Movers/Storage Music Lessons Personal Services Professional Services Resumes Telecommunications Tutoring Offered/Wanted Typing Writing Help

Employment 6100 6200 6300 6400 6500 6600 6700 6800 6900 7000 7100

Business Opportunities Career Opportunities P/T Career Opportunities F/T Child Care Offered/Wanted Help Wanted Actors/Extras Wanted Housesitting Internship Personal Assistance Temporary Employment Volunteer

Housing 7200 7300 7400 7500 7600 7700 7800 7900

Apartments for Rent Apartments to Share Houses for Rent/Sale Guest House for Rent Room for Rent Roommates - Private Room Roommates - Shared Room Vacation Rentals

Advertising Information To place a classified ad, call

657.278.4411

By Fax: 657.278.2702

By Email: classified@dailytitan.com

By Mail: The Daily Titan College Park Bldg.

2600 E. Nutwood Ave. Suite 660 Fullerton, CA. 92831-3110 Office Hours: Monday-Friday 9 am - 5 pm Rates: One insertion, up to 20 words .........................................$5.50 each additional word........$0.39 12pt Headline...................$1.75 16pt Headline...................$2.50 Border..............................$5.50 • Weekly and monthly rates are also available. • For classified display ads, please see our rate card for rate information.

Deadlines: Classified Line Ads: 3 Business days before printing @ 12 noon.

Classified Display Ads: 3 Business days before printing @ 12 noon.

Payment: Please make checks payable to: "The Daily Titan" We also accept Visa and Mastercard

5800

Tutoring Offered/Wanted

9 Comics brought to you by mctcampus.com

Homework Helper for Second Grader.10$/hr.Fullerton. Start date ASAP. Reply to cwedner@ mac.com.

6400 Child Care Offered/Wanted Sitters wanted $12+ per hour. Register free for jobs near campus or home. www.student-sitters.com

6500 Help Wanted Foreclosures are booming and our checks are Zooming. Earn extra money as you learn from experts. Contact: 562-209-5176 or jonnynr@gmail.com

6600 Actors/Extras Wanted

Editorial Cartoon

EXTRAS NEEDED Movie Extras, Actors, Models Wanted - Up to $300/day! All Looks Needed!

1-800-458-9303

brought to you by mctcampus.com

7600 Room For Rent Room for rent with privileges and amenitites- laundry, pool, tennis, jacuzzi, kitchen. In a quiet upscale area; utilities included. $765 monthly.

714-448-9142 ************************************** Have an idea of something else you would like to see on the Classified page?

Send it to classified@dailytitan.com *************************************

Read the Daily Titan online @

www.dailytitan.com

Guess Who?

Caricature brought to you by mctcampus.com

SUDOKU '3&&

(3*--&% $)*$,&/ %SVNTUJDL PS ÉŠJHI

/05 (00% 8*5) 05)&3 41&$*"- 0''&34 %*4$06/54 03 $0610/4 -JNJU POF QFS DVTUPNFS

&YDMVEJOH 7BMVF .FOV $PVQPOT BOE 4QFDJBM 0ÄŠFST

Answer Corner September 15 Caricature: David Letterman.

HOW TO PLAY: Each row must contain the numbers 1 to 9; each column must contain the numbers 1 to 9: and each set of boxes must contain the numbers 1 to 9.

NZTQBDF DPN LGDGVMMFSUPO Sudoku brought to you by www.dailysudoku.com

10

SPORTS

September 16, 2009

Replay muddled game for Raiders (MCT) – Some things simply cannot be adequately defined in purely clinical terms. The taste of chocolate.

The smell of puppy breath. The act of catching a football.

This doesn’t keep the NFL from trying. And the more it tries, the more it screws things up.

Bully for you if you immediately flashed to Raiders wide receiver Louis Murphy scoring a first-half touchdown against the Chargers on Monday night. Anyone with a TV and half a brain could see it. Murphy soared above San Diego defender Steve Gregory to snag a JaMarcus Russell pass.

His left foot came down. He had control of the ball.

His right foot came down. Even with Gregory clawing at the ball, Murphy still had control.

His butt hit the ground. He still had control of the ball. If it had been a run, the play would have been over.

What was it John Madden used to

say – two cheeks equal one knee?

Even as Murphy began to roll over onto his stomach, he still had control of the ball. Touchdown. Great catch.

And nice throw, by the way.

Then came the announcement: The play is under review. So right away you knew something idiotic was about to happen. Sure enough, the catch was negated.

The problem with replay? Where would you like to start? The challenge system, whereby a coach has to weigh the potential loss of a timeout against the likelihood of overturning a call. When, how and at whose discretion replays are made available in the few seconds after a questionable play. Booth reviews, such as the one that overturned Murphy’s would-be touchdown would be their own special entree into Byzantine logic.

Wielding replay like an atom smasher, NFL officials attempt to break every play down to its molecular level. They pull it apart, pixel by

photo courtesy mct Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell (2) throws the ball under pressure from the San Francisco 49ers’ Ahmad Brooks (55) during the first quarter of a preseason game at Candlestick Park in San Francisco, California, Saturday, Aug. 22, 2009.

pixel, then glue it back together using ponderous maxims and working definitions. See there? That’s not a fumble. That’s a tuck.

The problem is, we don’t live life in super slo-mo, with pause and rewind options. Reduce any dynamic physical activity to its most elementary state and you lose the inherently human experience.

At some point it becomes like parsing the Zapruder film for clues to President Kennedy’s assassination.

You slow it down, blow it up, remaster, digitize and whoa! That looks like a puff of smoke coming from the grassy knoll. And wait a minute – isn’t that Amelia Earhart driving the presidential limousine?

When you look that close and try to be that inflexibly precise, you are no longer seeing what happened in real time. Which, as a reminder, is how we slog through everyday life.

Want an example? Try baseball’s check swing. Reviewed in dreamy slow motion it looks like a swinging strike almost every time. We have no scientific evidence to back this up, but the guess here is the percentage of checked swings that are called strikes is markedly higher now than it was 30 years ago simply because of what replays have conditioned umpires to believe.

The NFL tries to augment replay by constructing a rubric for every possible action on a football field. It can’t be done, but that hasn’t stopped the league from making several efforts to define the act of catching a forward pass. First one foot had to be down to qualify. Now? Listen to the explanation of referee Carl Cheffers and try not to laugh.

“By definition in our rule book, he’s going to the ground and has to maintain possession of the ball throughout the entire act of the catch. And in this case, he lost possession and the ball hit the ground.

Therefore, it’s incomplete.”

If only Louis Murphy had known, he might have been able to resist the forces of gravity that led to his touchdown morphing into an incomplete pass. He knows better now – if you give NFL officials half a chance, they’ll rule that piece of Godiva chocolate is really a lard omelet.

And they’ll have the ponderous maxims to back it up.