Contents 6 Introduction 11 Obsessive Comparison Disorder 17 Oh No! My Finances Absolutely Suck 21 The Identity Crisis: Who Even Am I? 26 Epilogue
Picture in your head the quintessential twenty-something In their mind is the vague notion that they’re destined for greatness and world change, and if they could just find the right avenue to get there, they’d be making a difference. Unfortunately, that avenue has yet to present itself, so they find themselves in a job they tolerate, in a city they wouldn’t mind leaving and a life that just doesn’t quite seem to be working out the way they had figured it would. They want to take on the world. They want to help. And they feel certain if they could take that first step, then life would turn into an incredible adventure. But that first step looks harder and harder to take, and so a sense of existential angst begins to weigh on them. –8–
Sound familiar? Until a certain age, life is all about preparing – for life. Preschool is a stepping stone to kindergarten, which is on the way to first grade, and middle school and finally 12th grade or college or graduate school. The entire focus of education is, in a way, the future: There are the tools you’ll need in the real world; these are the classes to teach you how to compete in the workforce; these are the social skills you’ll need to be a part of a community, a marriage, a family. And then, all of a sudden, you get there. You’ve made it through kindergarten with the building blocks and classroom pets; sixth grade with puberty and the other gender; twelfth grade with SATs and applications and nerves. Perhaps you’ve made it through college, or graduate school, and you’re all prepared. You’re finished. Ready for the real world. And then you’re there. One day you’re jogging along with as upbeat music confirms with every step that you can take on the world.
–9–
The next day, you’re sprawled out on the couch wishing you could live in a ‘90s sitcom, Death Cab for Cutie in the background confirming with every melody that you can’t even take on your laundry, let alone the world. When all your years are designed as a preparation for entering the real world, the real world will disappoint. Not because your expectations have been dashed or the world has been misrepresented, but because suddenly, there’s nothing to prepare for anymore. You’re done looking forward; now you have to look down. It seems almost inevitable that we will experience this sort of crisis at some point. The question is: How do we journey through a quarter-life crisis and come out the other side alive and kicking?
– 10 –
A Crow, half-dead with thirst, came upon a Pitcher which had once been full of water; but when the Crow put its beak into the mouth of the Pitcher he found that only very little water was left in it, and that he could not reach far enough down to get at it. He tried, and he tried, but at last had to give up in despair. Then a thought came to him.
He took a pebble and dropped it into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped it into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. Then he took another pebble and dropped that into the Pitcher. At last, at last, he saw the water mount up near him, and after casting in a few more pebbles he was able to quench his thirst and save his life. Little by little does the trick.
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C O M PA RI S O N d i s o r d e r
Have you ever looked at your old highschool friends’ Facebook and saw the amount of successes they were racking up since you last saw them? How did they even get that far in life while you’re still in the same place you were three years ago? The problem is that we’re constantly comparing the pace of our lives to others when we shouldn’t. This is something that’s called “Obsessive Comparison Disorder”. But what is it, you ask? It’s the new OCD of twenty–somethings that describes our compulsion to constantly compare ourselves with others. This produces unwanted thoughts and feelings
– 14 –
that drive us into depression, consumption, anxiety and all-around discontent. It’s what encourages us to stay up late on Facebook pouring through all 348 pictures of our frenemies ‘My Life is Better Than Yours” album, sending us to bed wondering why we feel so anxious. Obsessively comparing yourself to others, becoming more and more frustrated that your life doesn’t look like theirs, is the absolute most effective way to take your crisis to unhealthy, eating raw cookie dough with a serving spoon, levels. Like having to run outside to light up a cigarette, our comparison addiction is uncontrollable, and it is killing us. Until we cure our obsessive comparison disorder we will continue to light our internal crisis on fire and then feel the burn. But how do we cure this OCD? First off, stop having those sulky Facebook nights! Who knows, maybe that friend who just got that dream job of his which pays the mortgage (and then some) worked his ass off for it. If you’ve set aside a goal you’ve
– 15 –
been desperately wanting to achieve, then go ahead and work towards it! It may take a few more steps than you expected, but at least you’re progressing towards it. It’ll take time. Just remember that life isn’t a race. If you’re not at your glory point like other people, don’t worry about it. We all move at different speeds. It may not be your time now, but it could be in a couple of years – maybe even next week. But one thing to know is that anything we want won’t come immediately – we have to work for it.
– 16 –
One day a countryman going to the nest of his Goose found there an egg all yellow and glittering. When he took it up it was as heavy as lead and he was going to throw it away, because he thought a trick had been played upon him. But he took it home on second thoughts, and soon found to his delight that it was an egg of pure gold. Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs. As he grew rich he grew greedy; and thinking to get at once all the gold the Goose could give, he killed it and opened it only to find nothing. Greed often overreaches itself.
OH NO!
M Y FI NA N C ES A B O S O L U T E L Y
S U C K
It seems pretty safe to say that we’ve all had some sort of materialistic desires. It’s completely fine and has most definitely developed into our human nature considering today’s consumerist society. But what happens when these desires overpopulate our mental consciousness and take reign? We completely cave in to these desires. Sometimes these desires are too much for our bank accounts to handle yet we willingly turn to our trusty credit cards. These cards can easily evolve into our best friend in an instant – but pretty soon the ugly side of this friendship with surface and you’ll find yourself in
– 20 –
an endless pit of debt that can’t easily be escaped by paying the minimum amount each cycle. How can you avoid this tragic cycle? Well for starters, put away that credit card! It’s best to just keep it away (perhaps in a personal vault...that you can easily afford, of course) and for use in case of emergencies – or better yet, just don’t get one. Remember that owing something to someone that can’t easily be forgiven is one of life’s burdens and you won’t be completely at ease with your financial situation if you’re in this constant pit. Of course it’s nice to treat yourself once in a while but always remember to keep it within reason. Say you wanted that really nice pair of shoes but can’t afford it right now. But one thing is to make sure you ask yourself, “Do I need this? Or do I want it? Can I afford it?” Evaluating your priorities is a step towards shooting down those strong materialistic desires.
– 21 –
A jackdaw, puffed up with foolish pride, found some peacock feathers that had fallen on the ground. He picked up the feathers and, putting them on, he tried to join the lovely peacock flock, scorning his fellow jackdaws. The peacocks, however, tore the feathers off that presumptuous bird and pecked at him until he went away. After having been badly mauled by the peacocks, the jackdaw then sadly returned to his own folk, but he was cast out once again and suffered the pain of public humiliation. One of the jackdaws whom he had originally scorned said to him, ‘If you had been content to dwell among us, satisfied with what Nature had bestowed on you, then you would not have been humiliated by the peacocks, nor would your disgrace have met with our rebuff.’ Fine feathers do not make fine birds.
THE IDENTITY CRISIS:
WHO EVEN AM I? I have no clue Adulthood means finding your identity. In high school and college, your identity is mostly drawn up for you like a paint by number: your grades, your major, your career plans, your extracurricular activities. At that point you may already be completely confident in yourself and where you’re headed in life. But post-college, your identity is an empty moleskine, and your job is to ascertain who you are and to fill up that book up. You might end up with scribbled-out pages and plots that go woefully unresolved, but as someone once said: “At some point in your life, you are going to have to confront yourself. You might as well do it now.”
– 24 –
When your first (second, third) version of your life doesn’t make your heart sing, you eventually come to the conclusion that your path may require something else from you. Something wild. Something new. Something different. Your new possibility is probably something you had never even imagined back in university. Or perhaps you dreamed about it, but dismissed it as crazy. Entrepreneur? Gluten-free Baker? Movement therapist? Writer? World Traveler? Pshaw. But when the only world you know comes crashing down around your ears in a overcommitted, over-alcholed, over-makingevery-one-else-happy pile–you are forced to consider those “crazy” options. A part of development is having periods where we’re completely lost with our identity, going through periods of confusion as to who we are and where in the world we best fit. Consider the most outrageous and the not-sooutrageous options and try them on for size. Who knows, maybe along the process you’ll find the most amazing version of you. – 25 –
Experiencing crisis in your twenties is like having gas after a steak and cheese burrito.
Just because we don’t want to admit it doesn’t mean we don’t all go through some bad spells. Even our own parents most likely went through intense questioning and crisis in their twenties. They didn’t just teleport to success and stability. If we ask them what their twenties were like we might find out that as our parents got their stuff together, they went through their own stuff that sounds a lot like yours. Parker Palmer wrote, while in his ‘60s, about his own long season of turmoil and distress that started in his twenties:
– 28 –
“When I was young, there were very few elders willing to talk about their darkness; most of them pretended that success was all they had ever known ... I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.”
– 29 –
When you graduate from college, move across the country or leave friends or family, you’re not only leaving that place, familiarities, routines and memories, you’re also leaving who you were in that place. You’re saying goodbye to a season and, even more dramatically, waving goodbye to who you used to be. Sure, bits and pieces will come with you, but just like that huge, comfortable couch in a bachelor pad, some big things will get left behind. However, it is stuck smack dab in this void of “what now?” where you make the most progress. Maybe a quarter-life crisis is not just a stage to pass over, it’s a transition process to marinate in. Let the overwhelming questions of “I have no idea where I’m going” guide you to where you want to be.
– 30 –
Published in an edition of one copy as part of a student assignment for Publication Design 305. Emily Carr University of Art + Design Illustrations Š Daniel Telado Text Š AesopsFables.com, Huffington Post, Relevant Magazine, Daniel Telado All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission of the publisher. size: 4.75 in x 6 in colors: 2 spot color treatment cover: Mohawk Superfine Eggshell, 100lb cover text: Mohawk Superfine Eggshell, 80lb text fonts: Klinic Slab, Cooper STD, Ostrich Sans software: Adobe Illustrator CS6 Adobe InDesign CC Designed by Daniel Telado Printed in Canada
Aesop was an Ancient Greek fabulist or story teller credited with a number of fables now collectively known as Aesop’s Fables. Although his existence remains uncertain and (if they ever existed) no writings by him survive, numerous tales credited to him were gathered across the centuries and in many languages in a storytelling tradition that continues to this day. Many of the tales are characterized by animals and inanimate objects that speak, solve problems, and generally have human characteristics.
Imagine you spend 24 years preparing for something... Each of those years is built upon the preparations of the past years, each year spent looking forward, counting down, to the moment those preparations culminate in – whatever. Would the reality ever match up to the expectations? And what would you look forward to next? Or are the days of looking forward over, and all there is – is what is? Happiness, they say, is in the striving. So, reaching the goal, and what follows, will almost certainly be a letdown.
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