THANK YOU!! This book is dedicated to my mom. I wouldnt be here if it weren’t for your constant love and stupport. Thank you for never giving up on me. I love you tons. Thank you Whitney Sherman for being the best Thesis advisor that I have ever had. You’ve been a great friend and mentor. Your patience has allowed me to grow as an artist and a human being. Thank you Jaime Zollars for being the best first year MFA advisor I have ever had. Your kindness was reassurance to keep pushing during a rough time for a young Illustrator trying to find himself. I thank you so much. Finally I’d like to thank my peers. You all have been a constant source of inspiration and motivation, I wish you all successful careers and most importantly, happy lives. I’ll miss all of you.
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HOW DID I GET HERE? THE ART OF STORYTELLING SLOW DOWN PROCESS AND EXPERIMENTING THESIS SHOW WHAT’S NEXT
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“I love to draw, and everything else, from painting to photography to design, is just a form of drawing, of making a gesture and a mark in the emptiness.”
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- James Jean
I remember my first day of pre-school. I was a little under 3 years old. One morning I was minding my own business, watching Bugs Bunny like I usually did, happy as can be. Then my old lady says to me, “come on, we’re going to school.” She proceeds to yank me away from the tube and we get in the car. Up until that point, I don’t think I’d ever heard the word school. I do remember feeling unsettled as soon as I heard it. The whole car ride to pre-school I remember making threats to have my friends, the wolf and the fox, assassinate the school, imagining it to be a living being. I’m sure my mom knew I was bluffing because she never stopped the car. We arrived at Lutheran Day Nursery. It was a small building. Right next to it were train tracks and I remember seeing the graffiti on the trains that passed by. Those moments left a big impression on me. The building looked enormous as a toddler. I held my mom’s hand nervously as she helped me stumble up the stairs. I remember the smell of the pre-school making me nauseous. It smelled like bleach, or some type of cleaning chemicals. After the first flight of stairs we take a left and walk into the room that followed. There were children my age playing and running around, having a blast. My first teacher was an African American woman named Ms. Barnes. She was very sweet. All of a sudden my mom said goodbye and left swiftly, like a ninja. Watching my mom leave felt like the final scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s movie Vertigo. My vision, or the camera, was zooming in as it was physically being pulled away, creating a literal sense of vertigo and displacement, w hich is what I felt at the time, completely out of place, out of my comfort zone. I’m sure I tried to chase after her, but I was restrained. I panicked and freaked the hell out.
I had the biggest temper tantrum. I remember I was jumping on the desks, crying, yelling, and even getting violent from the fear and frustration. I was a real menace to society, all two and a half feet of me. I remember two teachers having to hold me down by each arm because I was so upset. I didn’t speak a lick of English at that time. I remember the teachers speaking to me, trying to calm me down, and I had no idea what they were saying. That day came to an end, and I’m proud to tell you I survived with just minor flesh wounds, nothing serious. I loved that nursery when it was over. I made friends, had tons of fun, and learned a thing or two. As I write this about this experience, I see it has many parallels to grad school. I’m in a new city, I don’t know anyone, and I’m a little different compared to everyone else, so there might seem to be good reason to panic. But at the end it all worked out for the best. I met some lovely people, learned a thing or two and I made it out alive. I’m very grateful and blessed for my time here at MICA. Still, how did I get here? Pre-school was only the very beginning. Those toddler days, if you asked me what would I like to be when I grow up, my answer might have varied, but I would have answered you very self assuredly. I knew for certain I wanted to be an astronaut, a fireman, Batman, a police officer, and also a ninja turtle, at the same time. Though secretly I still want to be Batman. As a child you’re constantly asked what you would like to be when you grow up. How do you figure that out? “What do I want to be when I grow up?” What a strange thing to think about.
This can potentially be something you’re going to do for the rest of your life. That can be very unsettling to ponder, right? I think the wise answer to that question would be, “I want to be happy.” If I’m going to do something over and over, I might as well like what I’m doing. The next question was an even bigger enigma: What do I like, or what makes me happy?
I’ve always been eclectic, with my nose in a bit of everything. My mind used to be constantly daydreaming, going from one thing to another. My interests were just as sporadic as my thinking. Though my interests shifted and evolved constantly there was always a quality about me that remained the same. The rock of my identity, the most absolute, consistent thing to me as a person is the fact that I always loved to draw. From the very moment I had enough coordination to pick up a crayon and not eat it, I was always scribbling on something. It was the one thing that brought stillness to an overactive young mind.
The funny thing is I don’t think I really considered art as a profession until I was technically an adult. I was 20 years old. I had just failed my second attempt at community college. I was very reckless at that point in my life. I didn’t care much about school, or anything else. I drank to the point where I was a danger to myself and had absolutely no focus. I was not a happy person. The one glimmer of hope at that time was that in spite of failing almost every class I took in community college, I did ace my drawing classes. I started rereading comic books. I found one of my favorite graphic novels as a child, Kingdom Come by Alex Ross and Mark Waid. I remembered the impression it left on me as a 9-year-old. The illustrations in that book were unlike any other comic I’ve seen. Alex Ross’s gouache paintings were painted in a realistic manner, which was a surreal experience because the book dealt with classic DC Comics superheroes that could fly and had all types of extraordinary powers. While rereading that comic I remembered a time as a small child learning that Alex Ross went to art school in Chicago, my hometown. I remembered saying to myself that I’d end studying at that same college one day. I applied to the college and got in. It was a risk for my mom to invest that type of money for school given my track record but she did it and I thank her for it. I promised myself I wouldn’t flunk out and waste her money. I worked hard and built a good portfolio and was even freelancing as an undergrad. I graduated and was getting steady freelance work but something didn’t feel right.
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The one fragment of insight I had during those years was that I knew I wanted to teach one day. Not right away, but I looked at teaching as a good way to give back to a craft that I love, by passing it on to other people who love it just as much. Getting my MFA became a priority. I started researching grad schools. I googled “Best Art graduate programs in the US” The same schools kept popping up on different lists; MICA, RISD, SAIC. MICA was the only one with an MFA. in Illustration. I didn’t think I would get in, but I also didn’t think it would hurt to apply. A couple months later I got a letter in the mail from MICA: I was waitlisted. I gave up on the idea of graduate school at that point. I decided to start freelancing seriously. A friend invited me to come visit her in Baltimore. She was attending MICA as an undergraduate. I visited her, still flirting with the thought of coming to school here.
I contacted Chris Harring in Graduate admissions to take a tour of the grounds, nothing serious. Chris quickly arranged a meeting with Whitney Sherman and Jaime Zollars. I thought it was really nice to meet them. They were both very friendly but I knew I was definitely not getting accepted, so I was just trying my best to be nice. I got an email the following week telling me I had been accepted. I remember the shock I had. I couldn’t believe I got into one of the best graduate programs in the country. I remember my mom crying on the phone when I told her. She was very proud, but I knew it was just the beginning. I had a lot of work to do.
MFA_ILP: YEAR ONE MICA’s Illustration practice’s first-year curriculum was perfect for someone like me who was trying to figure out what makes them tick.
From patterns to animation, hand lettering to editorial workshops, we dabbled in many different formats in which illustration can be used. I tried my best to keep an open mind and learned many different skillsets. I enjoyed many projects in the first year. There were some I didn’t enjoy, but helped me filter out the things I could not see myself pursuing. I saw myself opening up towards projects that had more of a narrative quality. Jaime Zollars suggested I take Advanced Sequential Art as an elective in the 2nd semester during that first year. I always loved comics, even before I learned how to read I would fantasize about being Batman, running around in a little cape, raising hell. Comics are very special to me for a couple reasons. They were an escape when times were hard. Also they made me think, and flexed my imagination constantly. They kept me reading, and instilled a love for books at a young age.
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My undergraduate program didn’t offer any classes that were catered specifically toward comics when I attended. The irony was that Alex Ross was the biggest selling point for me to go there. Needless to say, I was very excited to take Sequential Narrative at MICA. I was amazed at how talented the undergraduates at MICA were. It was intimidating how quick and efficient they were. I was also amazed by the level of quality of their work in comparison to how young they were. I learned a lot in that class about the process of making comics. Simple things like thumbnails and the way you can direct someone’s eye by composing your panels were powerful tools to learn. I also learned something very important about myself. I really enjoyed storytelling and writing. I get into a level of flow when I write that is very similar to when I draw. Not too many things can slow down my mind like that, so I valued that insight. My teacher, Joan Hilty, encouraged me to keep writing. She told me I showed potential and to keep polishing that skill. Her words were very encouraging because I always liked to write but I didn’t know if I was any good, so it was nice to hear from Joan. She had worked with some of the best in the industry during her time as an editor at Vertigo.
My sequential class was very challening. I struggled a lot and there were even points where I thought I would drop the class. But I pushed and tried my best. And that was very fulfilling. I enjoyed it so much, that I decided to dedicate my thesis project to creating an original graphic novel. I had no idea what I was in for. But I also have no regrets.
“I enjoyed it so much, that I decided to dedicate my thesis project to creating an original graphic novel. I had no idea what I was in for. But I also have no regrets.”
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“Write what you know.” - Mark Twain
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I chose to create an original graphic novel for my MFA thesis. I had a rough idea of a story in mind although it was nothing concrete; I was waiting for the right inspiration. I decided to collaborate with a writer for my thesis project the summer going into thesis year. I didn’t think I was ready to take on an ambitious project by myself. I thought it would be a good idea to work with someone who knew what they were doing. This writer had just graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing. She liked comics and was interested in writing screenplays. I thought it was a good fit. I worked with this writer all summer, trying to develop a story. It seemed like we were making a lot of progress. I had a lot of hope for my thesis project.
It didn’t work out with the writer. In late September, about a month into thesis year, I hadn’t had a single draft sent to me. I tried to be patient because I know good art takes time, but I had to work on my thesis and be accountable. After being patient for so long I had to let this writer go and decided to take on the project by myself. I remember the fear that set in when I finally decided to let her go. I felt a weight on my back. I knew at the time that my story was about overcoming adversity, so I had to eat my own words and make the best effort to practice what I preach. Although I was a very frightened and nervous about the task I had ahead, I always said I wanted to be a writer and illustrator. I admired comics creators who could both write and illustrate, comic greats like Frank Miller and Mike Mignola, who I believe took the medium to new heights. This was my opportunity to try. I was terrified, but I wouldn’t let myself panic. I just knew I had to move forward. I used what I had at the time. Lucky for me, I was surrounded by great resources. I was taking two electives that semester that focused on narrative. One was an MFA Creative Writing class taught by Paul Jaskunas. The other class was called, “Making Good Ideas”; it was taught by Ed Briant. Ed is both a writer and illustrator, and has become a mentor and friend. Making Good Ideas was an Illustration class that
focused on concepts and storytelling through Illustration. I explained to him my situation. He told me not to panic and he gave me a game plan. His first piece of advice was to tell my story in twenty sequences, beginning to end. He told me to structure it in a three-act format, with a setup, conflict, and resolution. The next piece of advice was to figure out who my protagonist was, and what my protagonist wants. It was a start; the next thing to do was to get to work. Mark Twain said, “Write what you know.” The story I had in mind was about a twenty-year-old pro boxer who had just lost someone close to him causing him to have a mental breakdown. I have never boxed in my life. So how did I know this story? The character I created reflected a lot of my internal struggles.
This story is a byproduct of my years of living and dealing with a mental condition that was very crippling. I needed to understand myself; I was using this project as a way of looking at myself in the mirror and doing some serious introspection. I know depression, I know mania, I know delusion, I know anger, and I know despair like they are old nasty scars on my face. Boxing was a vehicle to move the story forward. My main character, Bobby, could have been a basketball player or a competitive break-dancer. I chose boxing because it is a solitary sport. Just like in life, you are the master of your outcome. There are no teammates to support you in the ring. Also I liked the metaphor of fighting and getting hit but battling back toward victory.
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I named my main character Bobby Sanchez. The name Bobby is honoring a friend in high school who passed away shortly after I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. His name was Bobby Leibrandt. He was a very kind person and everyone loved him. He committed suicide. It was a shock to all of us. That was also an exposure to the gravity of mental health.
Research I had scheduled a trip to Chicago that fall. Originally I had planned on receiving the script from my writer the first week of school. I would have worked out thumbnails and also would have a list of the types of reference pictures I needed to take by then. I had no writer but I had a plane ticket and I had to make the best of what I had. When I was home I searched for the best boxing gyms and trainers in Chicago. I kept reading the names Sam Colonna and Windy City Gym. Windy City Gym had shut down, but Sam Colonna opened up his own gym called “Sam Colonna Boxing”.
I contacted Sam Colonna through his website. I let him know I was a graduate student writing a story about a young pro boxer and I needed to do some research. He responded immediately. He was actually training a fighter in California at the time. He told me I could go to his gym and interview his right hand woman, Rita “La Guerra” Figeroa. I took a trip to the southside gym and met with Rita. Rita was a four time Golden Glove winner; she boxed professionally and was an all-around badass. When we met we started talking about tattoos because she had full sleeves. She helped me figure out what Bobby’s life might have looked like: What he ate, how often he trained, the type of training he was doing, the money he was making. It was a good start to my writing career. I was starting to get to know my character.
I had “cast” a close friend of mine to play Bobby. His name is Benjamin Kirk; we have been friends for years. He was a Division 1 basketball recruit and is still built like an athlete. He also grew up on Chicago’s west side, so he was a good reference for the lifestyle that my character would have been exposed to. I purchased a punching bag set and had him come take reference pictures. I also took pictures of the west side of Chicago while I was home; I wanted to get a good feel of the enviroment.
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“When you are walking, walk. When you are sitting, sit. Don’t wobble.” - The Buddha
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I was really eager to start making artwork. I got a couple of character studies done and also a page roughed in when I got back from Chicago. I was excited to show Whitney some work. We met and she saw the work, and told me something I really needed to listen to and grasp. “Slow down.” Like any good wisdom, it was short and sweet. I really needed to hear it. I’m a ball of energy and the biggest obstacle I had to overcome this year was to learn to harness that energy. We decided that I should work on my story before I made any finished artwork. So the next step would be creating thumbnails for the entire book. That was probably the hardest part of thesis. I can draw and paint all day with no problem at all. Story building was definitely not in my comfort zone, so there were plenty of times that I was gritting my teeth trying to move forward. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it, but it was challenging and took a long time. I learned so much these two years at MICA. It was definitely accelerated learning during Thesis year. I learned how to thumbnail for comics more efficiently and clearly. Many critics commented that my first thumbnails looked like chicken scratch. My thumbnails have always been bad, so I realized it was time to try to really rev up the effort in even the smallest of details. It helped me make my pages more dynamic as well.
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If you want me to be totally honest, this part of Thesis was brutal but necessary. I just wanted to make art; I had no idea of all the planning that goes into storytelling, so it was crucial for me to go through this stage. It was hard and definitely a test of patience, because even though I knew I shouldn’t compare myself to my peers, a lot of them were making really cool artwork and I was eager to start drawing and painting. I didn’t have a story, so it would have been in vain if I started early. This process was helping me set up the framework of something bigger.
I had planned to make my spreads in a very graphic manner. I was saving the very detailed style for the covers of the chapters and for special scenes. During my final fall critique the critics weren’t very enthusiastic about the style I had in mind. They suggested I go for a more painterly style like the image you see to your right. I knew it would take more time, but I figured I had nothing to lose, so I decided to give it a try.
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The spring semester came really quickly and it was time to start making art. My story wasn’t finalized, but I needed to have something finished for the thesis show. Most importantly I had to make art again. I was getting restless. Art has always been food for my soul. I’ll admit I was rusty at first. It took a while to get into my groove. All the work I produced in the spring was made in Adobe Photoshop. It was digitally painted in a grisaille method where I did a monochromatic underpainting and glazed tones of blue over it. Although my art was based on realism, I wanted texture and movement. I wanted the viewer to be able to see my hand. I wanted to emphasize the movement and expression. I treated almost every panel like a finished illustration. A lot of hours went into each and evey little panel. Looking back it was very crazy and tedious, but it was also a lot of fun.
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I chose the fifth chapter of my graphic novel to start making art. I believed it was the essence of my story. Bobby has hit another rock bottom and is losing hope. It sends him to a breaking point where he has to make a choice to either keep wallowing in self pity or take some initiative in his life. This chapter was not easy for me to work on because I had to dig deep into my own memories of depression. It wasn’t the most pleasant stuff to think about or write about but it was real. I wanted to the art to be ethereal and almost dreamlike, like Bobby was living in a haze.
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This whole MFA_ILP grad school experience has been about getting out of my comfort zone and learning. I wanted to stick to that same game plan for the Thesis show. I wanted to make a video projecting my comic panels on a wall next to a painting of Bobby. I’ve always wanted to work with video and motion graphics. Also I have been wanting to make a die cut painting of something for a really long time. I really needed to paint something because working on a computer for so long can get repetitive. I needed to get my hands dirty. I had never done any type of carpentry or woodwork so I had to get some instructions on how to go about making what I proposed to make. I got the materials and the directions, then it was time to work...
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STEP 1
First I had to make a game plan: draw a thumbnail, ask someone who knew how to make this kind of thing what I need. Lucky for me, a friend of mine and fellow thesis student, Rob Young, worked in the MICA woodshop and told me everything I needed to do and purchase. Next I had to buy materials: MDF board, acrylic primer, vinyl spackle, putty knives, � x 6� poplar. After I had all my materials I took the large MDF board to a empty room right next to the MFA_ILP studio, turned on the projector and traced the image of Bobby I had chosen onto the surface.
STEP 2 Then I took the piece of MDF board to the woodshop in the basement of the Lazarus Center. I asked for directions on how to use the electric jigsaw, and they walked me through the safety precautions. After I knew the basics of how to use the equipment, I went at it, trying to pay attention and not cut off a finger. It was so much fun.
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After the MDF board had been trimmed, I sanded the edges and sealed them with vinyl spackle. Then I primed the surface with acrylic primer. After The surface was primed and sanded, I took the board back into the room with the projector and retraced the image once more with a charcoal vine stick.
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STEP 3
This was the best part. All the preliminary things were done, now I just had to paint. I set up the back of the MFA_ILP studio so I wouldn’t get paint on anything. I retraced the lines I drew with paint. Then it was all autopilot: blocking in the darks, filling in the largest masses and finally adding highlights and details. I wanted to maintain a lot of the same movement that was in the original digital illustration and I managed to do that. The painting process took 3 days; the whole piece took 5 days. I wanted to get it finished first because I knew it would be the most challenging.
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STEP 4 The last step was to make the video and install the work. During the spring semester I took a motion graphics class specifically to learn how to use After Effects for thesis show. Adobe After Effects was fairly intuitive; I didn’t really struggle learning the program nor how to animate, but it was tedious and time consuming. After the video was finished it was time for installation. Thankfully nothing really went wrong. It was a struggle getting the equipment to cooperate but it all worked smoothly in the end.
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Aside from working on the video projection for the Thesis show, I designed a cover for my graphic novel. I also designed a vinyl poster. Since comics are so cinematic, I wanted to give it the feel of a movie poster.
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After all the craziness, the last thing to do was give gallery talks and my final presentation. I’ve always strangely enjoyed talking in front of people so it wasn’t very nerve-racking. My goal was to be as clear and honest as possible about my intentions and execution. I also talked about where I plan on taking this project, which is to a finished state. The critics gave me a lot of good feedback and I hope to use it effectively. This next year after graduate school I plan on finishing and scouting publishers. It’s been a great learning enviroment here at MICA, but now it’s time to finish what I started.
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FINAL THOUGHTS My experience at MICA’s MFA_ILP was exactly what I needed. I’m sad it’s coming to an end, but I know I’m prepared now to face what awaits me. I met some beautiful, awesome people here. I also learned a lot about my craft. I learned many new skillsets I wouldn’t have had a chance to learn anywhere else. I also gained confidence in myself as a professional and most importantly as a person. Until next time, MICA....
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