Sheet Music : The Diary of a Songwriter Demo

For women who have gone through difficult times in their lives, but had to be strong regardless of the situation, remember: “There is no limit to what you can do. Don’t give up! Making it, is possible!” and “Every day, every hour, turn the pain into power!”

Ameeda Violin

“I have learned through my own experiences that trying to be perfect or just like someone else was a waste of my purpose and unique superpowers. Perfection is often the destroyer of greatness. I have learned to embrace the things that make me unique even when it makes others uncomfortable. I encourage you reading to walk in your truth so that others may feel more relaxed walking in theirs. You have no idea who is watching you and needs you as motivation.�

Janelle Monae

Also Available: SHEET MUSIC “Diary of a Songwriter” Soundtrack Reasonable Doubt: The Lost Tapes The Adventures of Lex Lu Red Moon on Itunes www.DevineEvans.com

The Diary of a Songwriter

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission of the copyright owners. All images in this book have been reproduced with the knowledge and prior consent of the artists concerned, and no responsibility is accepted by producer, publisher, or printer for any infringement of copyright or otherwise, arising from the contents of this publication. Every effort has been made to ensure that credits accurately comply with information supplied. We apologize for any inaccuracies that may have occurred and will resolve inaccurate or missing information in a subsequent reprinting of the book. Š 2016 All rights reserved First Published in the United States of America

ISBN: Hard Cover : 978-0-9972336-0-5 Soft Cover : 978-0-9972336-1-2 Electronic : 978-0-9972336-2-9

CHAPTER 1 - THE PREDATOR

CHAPTER 4 – THE AGENDA

CHAPTER 6 – THE MANIPULATOR

CHAPTER 9 – THE ADVICE

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7)

Sophia Kapri Jewels Jaselle Annie Hill Lauren Dair Aisha Albritton Sarah Daye Amore The Songtress

CHAPTER 2 - THE SAVAGE

1) Sheon 2) Blue Nyle 3) Amoni 4) Ebony Love 5) Stacy Dulan 6) Wendy Parr 7) MJ The Songstress 8) Tiffany Lantello

CHAPTER 3 - THE UNDERATED

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11)

Alix Ewande Sam Blanchard Terry Dexter Lucky on tha track Lovelle Hill Michelle M Paige Kahnma Arlene Zelina Phoenixx Rocks Emily Dickinson P’AR

1) Chris Loung 2) Natalia Rubero 3) Kiana Rene 4) Brittney Holmes 5) Anjaleai McDonald 6) Sarah Ocasio 7) Missy Cyclops 8) Alya O 9) Amber Sauer 10) Chyna Fox 11) Hannah Rae Beale 12) Emm

13) JiGi Deniro

14) Gisette Valentin

15) Jessica ZenZen

16) Yamisse

17) Angel B

18) Laura Clare

19) Cassandra Bautista

CHAPTER 5- THE BAIT

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) 12) 13) 14) 15) 16) 17) 18) 19)

Aleena Gibson Letta J JoJo Draven Lil Red Cordula The Artist Mariel Jacoda Ranella Ferner Br00klyn James Sara Anne Allie J Yhai Portier Kira Delara Jaies Baptiste Courtney McManus Joelle Sahar Astra Kelly Kiami Davael Jaclyn Shaw Chrycee

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8)

Nina Noble Janae Rockwell Ash Myers Shay Leonia Vicell Victoria Skyylar Jackson Miss Celaneous Bex

CHAPTER 7 – THE USED TO BE KING

1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

Sky Colette Sinderella Anise Daniel Christine Leakey Christine Fullwood

CHAPTER 8 – THE SURVIVORS

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) 12) 13) 14) 15) 16) 17) 18) 19)

Jaylene Garcia Day’nah Mossy Bonnie McIntosh Saint London Sidibe Erica Cookee Alexander Jessica Jolia Allison Rabel Vanessa Jones Mickey Shiloh Misha’el Siren Sycho Aunjel Adams Alex Isley Nea Nova Mary Cruz Shirley Levi Jenn Asia

1) 2) 3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9) 10) 11) Danseur

12)

13) 14) 15) 16) 17)

Lalah Delia JAZMIN Sisters Lex Lu Journii Walker Tee Songs Amy Monzon Crystal Nicole Miss Wish Hollis Mahady Diana D. Candice Craig/Nqobile A. Magali Delarosa Lamenga Maria La Del Cielo Iliona Blanc Taeko McCarroll Zia Moz

FORWARD When Devine Evans first approached me to write the foreword for this book, I admit that I didn’t have a clue what it was or what it meant. But Devine in true Devine fashion very quickly inspired me to not only learn what it meant but also motivated me to take time away from the hustle and bustle of the entertainment industry to learn about the book and its message. After reading it, I could not be more honored to be the one who was chosen to deliver the “Foreword”.

To begin, I originally met Devine through a mutual friend of ours, Dana “Queen Latifah” Owens, and not one day goes by that don’t thank her for introducing me to this creative genius. However, it is his top notch work ethic I am thankful for and how he manages never to get upset at my 4am phone calls and emails asking for changes to a song or sound effect. As a female Producer, Director and Actress, I am proud of him for taking the first step in combatting a serious and increasingly common issue that haunts women in this industry and many other industries world wide. Devine, what you are doing for women is so desperately needed and I truly hope this book inspires and leads future generations down a path towards positive change. People say “Sometimes in a dark room, the first voice you hear is the loudest”, and I commend you sir for being the first to speak up on this issue.

In the short time that I have known and worked with Devine, it has been very easy to see how he has gotten so far in his career. But it is his role as a father that I admire most! It has always been clear to see the strong father/daughter bond Devine has with his baby girl. That bond makes it very easy to understand the importance of this book to him. Devine, you are truly a blessing to everyone you meet, and I am proud to call you a creative partner, a committed parent, but most importantly, my friend. Thank you for all you stand for now and always.

SACRIFICE

F

orty years ago, a frightened, pregnant, 19-year-old teenage girl sat alone on a hospital bed. No family around and no friends in sight. Many of them did not support the position she was in, not only because she was so young, but, mostly, because she was a white woman pregnant with a black mans child. The miracle this young girl was about to experience, she had been denied several times before this day. Previously having been pressured into abortion from her peers, this was her first stance on her own.

It was May 17 ,1974 when the labor pains began. Lonely, afraid, and crying she did all she could to stay focused. The man that she conceived this child with was no where to be found. His purpose had been served, his vision was blurred and his character was too weak to be a part of the child that was about to be born. In her mind, she knew that this moment would not be easy. She knew that the road that lay ahead would not show her favor. She knew it would be narrow with steep hills, but considering the road already traveled, that did not cloud her vision.

On May 18, 1974, her son was born and so was the beginning of her eternal sacrifice.

For her son, she gave up every dream she has ever known. All of her goals fell into the shadows of his cry.

Everyday for her began and ended the same. A 5 a.m. alarm, followed by several taps to the snooze button. She lay still with her eyes closed; focusing, breathing, exhausted and always in pain from the day before. Regardless of her ailments, her sons heart beat was like tribal drums constantly calling for her attention. Daily, she managed to pull her tired body out of bed and prepare him for his day. Moving on, ritualistically, breakfast was cooked, lunches prepared, clothes were ironed and it was off to school. She managed just enough time for a kiss before he walked into school, and then she was off to work until it was time to pick him up at 3 p.m. At this time, she would take her son to daycare, and with another, time sensitive, kiss on the forehead, she would depart to her second job. Finally, at 9 p.m. she was able to make her way to pick up her son, and arrive home just in time to prepare a late night dinner before bed.

The world her son knew was a kiss before school, a kiss before daycare and a final kiss before bed. What he did not know, was that every night his mother cried her self to sleep. Her tears were not those of regret, but more so tears driven by fear. The fear, that if she did not push herself harder, if she did not continue to sacrifice her life for his, that he would one day be caught in the very same vicious cycle of survival.

In a world where attention spans are like feathers caught in hurricane winds, it is easy to forget the journey. Men like me, remember the sacrifices women, like her, made for us.

The woman in this story was my mother, and the sacrifice she made for me is the reason I sacrifice my life for the women I love.

I have been blessed to have many outstanding women in my life who have made great sacrifices for me. One woman in particular that I remember was one of my best friends growing up, named Meshun. She and I were very close, and through out high school she kept my mind focused on my music. I never really knew how to write pop or R&B songs before she came into my life. Some nights, she would crawl through my bedroom window when my parents were sleeping and when her parents would argue. Sitting in a dark room and whispering, so we didn’t wake my parents, we use to sit up all night and talk. We talked about the future and imagined how things would be when got older. She and I would share our dreams with each other, and every conversation with her left me inspired.

On weekends, another young girl named Courtney came into my life. She and I have been best friends for decades now, and I miss seeing her every single day of my life. We use to spend countless hours talking about music and talking about artists. She was my muse and always inspired me to be better. She would listen to everything I would write, and she would always tell me when I was doing something worth finishing.

A few years into our friendship, Courtney introduced me to one of the women on this planet that I trust and love more than I can write in any book. Her name Saudia and Saudia was my reality. She was the girl that never let me lose touch with real life and family. We use to sneak out all of the time to see each other and literally hang out and do nothing. Talking to her was always motivational. We loved each other, we respected each other and for years she was the one girl that would always check in with me to see how I was doing and if I was eating ok.

I love all of these women, and will never forget how blessed I am to have them in my life. Having kids, marriage and other life events keep us from being as close as we once were, but neither time nor distance will ever change how I feel.

Years later, after moving to Atlanta to pursue my career in music, my dream was not going as planned. I moved with my grandmother, but, after two year’s time, she passed

away. I remained in Atlanta focusing on my education while struggling endlessly to do my music. Money was hard to come by. Many of my associates sold drugs and became petty thieves. I never had to give in to that lifestyle because a few thousand miles away, I had my 3 best friends. They would sometimes send me enough money so I could eat.

None of us came from wealthy backgrounds so, even if they just sent me $40, it was a pretty big deal to us all. Their sacrifice helped me through some extremely dark times.

Life for me had reached an all time low. I was homeless, and at night I started to sleep in one of the terminals of the Atlanta airport. I figured, if every night I acted like I was waiting for a flight, police wouldn’t bother me.

Still determined to make it in music, my production partner (Stylz) and I, rode bikes, all over the city, going from one studio to another. Every door we knocked on led to rejection, until one day when we met a beautiful, young angel named Natina. Natina was 14 years old and in the process of creating a girl group, called Blaque, that was meant to be a spin off of TLC. Natina introduced us to Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes and her brother Ronald Lopes. This introduction led to a management deal under the Left Eye productions umbrella with Ronald Lopes and Eric Arnold, and was the beginning of a very special part of my creative career. Natina respected my talent enough to sacrifice her own goals as she pushed me to the front of Lisa’s mind. Everyday of my life, I now am reminded of how special the gift of life is and how truly important it is to acknowledge those who lift you up. In this instance it is most important to me, because Natina, Lisa and my production partner Stylz were all killed a few years apart in some sort of an auto accident.

As valuable as my relationship was with Natina and Lisa, this introduction served as a major step in my career, but the most valuable thing that came from this relationship was the introduction of an intern and college freshmen named Jameelah. Jameelah is now and forever a part of my heart and soul. I remember her grandmother would send these, amazing, care packages that could, easily, feed a small army. Lucky for me, I was one of Jameelah’s number one soldiers. She would allow me to spend the night in her dorm when I needed a place to sleep, and to this day she remains to be one of my most trusted friends. She sacrificed all she had to make sure I got back on my feet. Our relationship was unselfish, pure and everlasting. I owe her so much and I will forever remain humble and thankful for the sacrifices she made for me.

In 1998 , year 5 of my life in Atlanta, things were, finally, at an all time high. I joined a hip hop band called C.O.M. Unit, and soon after we signed our first record deal to a

well funded independent label. I was different than the rest of the group. I came from a different mind set when it came to music, art and fashion, and in many ways I didn’t always fit their mold. I was starving for a higher level, and very disloyal to art forms that were not feeding my need to create. In the group was a feisty young female emcee that, to this day, is the best I ever heard, named Dice Gambles. Me and Dice were both equally yoked. We both woke up everyday with an agenda, and did not wait for instructions. We were creative visionaries with a plan to be the worlds next big thing. She and I lived together along with her husband and our fellow group member Mudnoc. Mudnoc, was the groups leader and founding member. He saw and supported our vision, so Dice and me did everything we had to do to make sure we took over the city. Dice taught me a lot. She reminded me of hustle and passion. She and I used to split two piece Churches Chicken combos everyday, and roll around in a small car, with a hole in the floor board, taking on meetings, printing shirts, printing posters and stickers, creating back drops, meeting musicians and mostly writing a lot of dope ass songs together. She sacrificed so much of herself to share her light with me. She was the star, but she never wanted to do anything with out me. I love her for adding fuel to my fire and to this day some of the best music I ever created was with her.

Soon after signing our deal, our group began recording at DARP Studios. This was the home of super producer Dallas Austin, and at the time it was my first major studio experience. I remember being forced by the president of our label to work with tons and tons of old school musicians. We hated this ,at the time, because we thought it made our sound change and that it made us dated. Little did I know, that this was preparing me for a world beyond my dreams. All of my band mates were heavy smokers, they also had no desire to sit in a studio and do anything if they were not laying down their verse to a song. Me, on the other hand, never left the room. I was put into a position to direct world renowned musicians which truly prepared me to become an incredible producer. I learned everything that you could do in that room. My taste for arrangement was escalated to a level that I could have never imagined. I worked on songs with musicians from Parliament, Macio Parker, Larry Blackmon and many other legendary players.

They would all walk in the room and ask, so what are we doing? I had a choice, I could let them do what ever they wanted, and end up with the most dated album of all time, or I could push them into the future of collaboration and find a way to merge our sound with their style of playing. I would work tirelessly in the studio on our music. Sometimes, the hours were so long that the engineers would fall asleep, and that’s when I would play and learn how to do things myself, on a level that I could not learn with our

own equipment. It was an overall blessing, and I never wanted to leave the room for any reason at all.

three years.” “I love it!” she exclaimed. I still had no idea who she was, but man… that feeling was revolutionary for me.

One day we did a feature with an artist that I didn’t really enjoy listening to his recording process, so I decided to take a short break. I went to the lobby and joined a 9 year old boy who was playing Mrs. Pac Man. He and I played a few games and, while It was my turn, he suddenly began telling me about his desire to bring back real music and how music lost its soul and just isn’t the same. I was blown away by his words, and curiosity led me to ask the question, “Who are you here with?”

“I’m with my group and my manager you should come and meet her,” he replied. Without hesitation, I agreed and we proceeded into Studio D. Sitting at the SSL Console was a woman who was about to change my life forever. Her name was Joyce Irby and her artist’s name was Lloyd. We walked into the room, and as soon as we introduced ourselves, I asked her if the group she had was open to accepting songs from outside writers. She said, “Sometimes, but I’m extremely picky.” She then told me, “I have a few minutes. If you have a song I can listen to now, I will gladly give you my opinion.”

If I would have known that this was the Joyce Fenderella Irby from the band Klymaxx, the same woman who discovered Dallas Austin, Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis and Babyface, I would have never played her that song. But, if I never played her that song, I would not be where I am now. She opened every door for me for the next 10 years. I cannot thank her enough for what she did for me, but I will for sure never forget her and our time together. Her sacrifices for me earned me my first 17 placements in music, and they lead me down that path that got me with Mary J. Blige, and from there many, many others.

Not knowing anything about this woman’s legacy, I assumed she was a very powerful and successful woman in our industry. I, immediately, gave her a cassette tape with the only song I had on me, which was, for me, the most miserable song of all time titled “Sincerely Yours”. This was a song that I wrote in a Waffle House in Stone Mountain, with tears falling from my eyes and two waitresses constantly bring me sweet tea and coffee. I wrote it during a time when I felt lost and alone. I felt I had drifted far off course and that music was no longer inspiring me the way it once did. The song, was composed of three letters I had written into the form of three verses. The first letter, was to my oldest daughter Jordan. The second, was to my parents and the final letter was to God. This song was very personal, and I had only written it and recorded it for myself. I thought it was too personal and too deep to ever be respected by the radio lovers of our industry.

Needless to say, it was all I had and I knew this was one of those now or never moments. Joyce put the tape in, spun her chair around to face the speakers as I stood behind her and she listened. She let the entire five minute song play, from start to finish, and I was terrified. I had no idea how she would react. She was silent; not one word and her body was frozen. As the song ended she turned around slowly with her eyes filled with tears and said to me, “I have been looking for someone that can write a song like this for

Looking back at stories and moments like these, I have no choice but to love and appreciate the women in my life past, present and future. It is because of them, and their willingness to make sacrifices for me, that I am who I am now. My goal as a man is to honor these women and live up to the man they all knew I could be. I will not let them down, and my story will never be told with out them as my co-stars. The stage may grow, the script may change, but the cast remains the same.

DEDICATION

I

t all started on one of those quiet summer mornings, when I woke up missing the spirit of my little play sis, Sophia. Sometimes, my heart worries about her, so I have to check in and make sure she is ok. I have always been in her corner and, at the time, I knew she was dealing with the challenges of preparing for the Rio Olympics.

Our conversation started off simple: Me: Hey sis how you been? I miss u and I hope everything’s ok with you and pops. What’s going on with ur music?

Her: Not so good. I really need to meet with you.

Me: Come thru Her: Can we meet in a more open/public place. I’ll explain when I see you.

Me: (emoji) We ended up meeting at The W Hotel in Hollywood. I ordered a glass of red wine, sat down and enjoyed the live jazz band while I waited. Hollywood nights like this are like no other. I like to people watch, and all I could see is a room full of dreamers; a thousand people, with wide eyes, eager to meet that one person that could change their life forever. In my head, I can’t help but to feel sorrow for most of these beautiful people, because I know most of them came to Hollywood for their dreams to die. It’s a sad truth but this industry can be vicious.

Finally, Sophia arrived. Excited to see her, but fearful of the information she was about to share, I greeted her with a smile, hug and small kiss on the cheek. We sat down and stumbled our way through a half hour of small talk knowing we both were eager to get to the point of our meeting. In my mind, I was saying to myself, “Why in the hell are

we meeting at this hotel?” In her mind, I’m sure she was saying, “How do I tell him something that I have never told to anyone else?”

A few minutes later our conversation slowly began to reach its end. There was no more surface level bullshit for us to talk about. Suddenly, with one deep breath and a quick glance at the floor, she told me a story that would weigh heavily on my heart forever. My little sister, and one of my closest friends, told me she was raped! Seeing the pain in her beautiful brown eyes was like torture. She was so young and filled with so much promise. I felt as if I was trapped in a centrifuge of memories. Recalling how we first met, how I recorded her on her first song, how grateful she was to work with me and how willing she was to come back to the studio, as many times as I needed her to, so we could record more parts. Her father is my friend I could not imagine what he was thinking and how heavy his heart was with pain.

I was too angry to cry, and too conflicted by the right thing to do verses the wrong thing to do, to make a decision. That night, my mind was racing more than usual. Anyone that knows me, and my mind, can only imagine how intense that process was. I pictured a map of the world. Every continent was black. I then envisioned a single light turning on in Southern California. That vision made me wonder if my sisters story was that one light, how many other lights would it take to make the world see this problem? How many girls could we save, if we turned the lights on everywhere? One year later, The Diary of a Songwriter was born. This is for you Sophia! Together we have turned the lights on, all over the world. I pray that our message and the pain of our experience can be another girl’s savior. I love you superstar and, no matter what it takes, I will not let anyone steal your shine.

THE STATISTICS - 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape).

- 47% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.

- 17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.

- 5% are a relative.

- 25% are an intimate.

- Victims of sexual assault are: 3 times more likely to suffer from depression.

◦

The average age of a rapist is 31 years old.2

◦

52% are white.2

◦ ried.2

22% of imprisoned rapists report that they are mar-

6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Approximately 4/5 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim.1

◦ Juveniles accounted for 16% of forcible rape arrestees in 1995 and 17% of those arrested for other sex offenses.2

13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.

82% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.1

26 times more likely to abuse drugs.

47% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.1

◦ In 1 in 3 sexual assaults, the perpetrator was intoxicated — 30% with alcohol, 4% with drugs.3

4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

25% are an intimate.1

- Sexual assault is one of the most under reported crimes, with 68% still being left unreported.

5% are a relative.1

◦ In 2001, 11% of rapes involved the use of a weapon — 3% used a gun, 6% used a knife, and 2 % used another form of weapon.2 ◦

84% of victims reported the use of physical force only.2

Every 107 seconds, another sexual assault occurs There is an average of 293,000 instances (victims age 12 or older) of sexual assault each year 68% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police 98% of rapists will never spend a day in jail

The Perpetrator’s not Hiding in the Bushes Approximately 50% of all rape/sexual assault incidents were reported by victims to have occured within 1 mile of their home or at their home.2 • 7% take place in a school.

• 13% take place at the home of a friend, neighbor, or relative.

Approximately 4/5 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim

• 18% take place in a public area, such as a commercial venue, parking lot, or park. 43% of rapes occur between 6:00pm and midnight.2

47% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance

◦

24% occur between midnight and 6:00am.

- Approximately 4/5 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim.

◦

The other 33% take place between 6:00am and 6:00pm.

- 82% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.

• Rapists are more likely to be a serial criminal than a serial rapist.

46% of rapists who were released from prison were re-arrested within 3 years of their release for another crime.4 ◦

18.6% for a violent offense.

◦

14.8% for a property offense.

◦

11.2% for a drug offense.

◦

20.5% for a public-order offense.

Picture a snake slithering through the tall grasslands. Low to the ground, it can easily navigate through its habitat, slithering beneath the radar of most other animals. The snake does all it can to travel the land, searching for prey, while remaining undetected. The snake is an ambush predator, and after days of evaluation, has carefully selected, stalked and learned the habits of his victim.

When the perfect opportunity presents itself, the snake strikes, often serving a dangerous bite, followed by constriction and finally enjoys his catch.

In his human form, this man is a skilled hunter.

He will watch you from a far, until he finds the opportune way to approach you. He might watch you from a distance on social media, making tasteful comments and finding clever ways to earn your trust. Then, when you feel comfortable and unthreatened by his presence, he will invite you to into his environment, perhaps a show or a studio, and strike. There are various other strategies that a man like this might use, so keep your eyes open and be aware of your surroundings, because you just might be entertaining THE PREDATOR.

N

o one told me, let alone warned me, that I would be born into a world comprised of pain, fear, worry, and death, then again, as a little girl growing up, my parents’ only objective was sheltering me and being there enough for me to make sense of the world myself. In the deep abyss of the media, you hear about young women and, even adult women, being subjected to sexual assault cases, rape, and non-consensual activity in schools, among family festivities, parties, and even within a relationship.

But, you hardly ever hear about what goes on in a recording studio. Perhaps, because the victims are paid to keep their mouths closed, their lives are threatened, or they choose to stay quiet, simply because they feel embarrassed and alone.

My experience, with this unsettling subject, occurred once as an athlete, again with a family member, and a final time as a singer, so I understand what some women (even some men) have gone through. Although, I didn’t let it hinder my ability to continue my purpose in this life, the scars and memories are still deeply embedded in my mind. It’s difficult to even watch a scene in a movie relating to rape or anything associated with it. My method for “forgetting,” was keeping myself busy. A busy body equates to a busy mind, so I did my best to stay occupied. As a student-athlete and a singer, I let it all out “on the track” (so to speak) whether I was running over hurdles or singing in the booth. Yet, it’s those lonely nights, in a dark room, that I find myself staring at the ceiling,

reluctantly, reminiscing about what I’ve gone through in life.

My name is Sophia Kapri, and I am a survivor of rape and sexual assault.

If it wasn’t for God, I honestly don’t know what I would be doing right now or where I would be. I went through a traumatic experience, in 2014, as an athlete. This experience enabled my ability to react fast in compromising situations.

After being traumatized by my athletic experience, a producer who claimed to “love God” and claimed to be strictly professional and genuine about the ‘love’ for music, turned out to be a manipulative person. He was someone I looked up to as a father figure, he was a minister, and my mentor. I went to his church, and he would often preach the word to me during sessions. He was aware of my struggles at home, and knew my goals in life. He supported my passion to do music, as well as my athletic career, and, even, came to my House of Blues performance.

It all started the day I was manipulated into believing that someone in a church was willing to, truly, help me. As time progressed, I built trust for this individual, who had a daughter, a son, and a wife, only to uncover that there was an agenda from the moment I met him and he said, “I’ve seen you work so hard and I can help you get better.

PASADENA INN It was hard to wash his touch off of me; I still felt him. I felt dirty, and I felt

like my innocence was stripped from me. I stayed in the hotel room shower for two hours, hoping I could get rid of the feeling. The water was steaming hot for the first 30 minutes, as it slowly faded from warm to ice cold water. I thought suicide. I thought revenge. I thought the worst. A few days before a race, he tricked me into coming to a hotel to receive a deep tissue massage.

His exact words were I am blessed to bless you. I arrived and it was just him, but remember this is a person I trusted with everything. I had no reason to fear anything. On Wednesday, April 23, 2014 at the Pasadena Inn, I laid on a massage table completely unaware of what was about to happen to me.

He started at my face, and began to caress it. My body and my mind were at war. My body was yelling “fight,” while my mind said, “This isn’t happening to you, stay calm, he’s not going to do what you think– he is your friend.” I was screaming for help inside, but my mouth wouldn’t open. My body felt lifeless– stuck. I was shocked. I never felt that way in my life. I was scared. In my mind I was afraid to scream because he had two-hundred plus pounds on me, and I feared him. A part of me feared him because he was the mentor who would yell at me when I was unfocused, telling me “get my ass on track and get mind mind right!” I feared him because he just had that aura about him, but his talk about religion use to make me feel safe; it made me believe that he would never do anything to hurt me.

He pinned me down and tried to per-

form oral sex on me. He used his left forearm to pin my waist down to the massage table and his right hand to pull my underwear down. I pushed his head away, as I used all the strength I had to press my thighs together so he could not enter. I broke into tears and cried for my mom. I saw the devil in his eyes that day.

He became quiet as I cried for my mom. “You disappoint me,” he said, as I wrapped myself in the rest of the sheets that were used to cover me. He tried to justify that what he did was okay by bringing up other successful women who supposedly gave into this. No. This was nothing close to it. There was no excuse to why it was okay. He stayed in the room telling me, “I’ll get you to the Olympics; I have a wife and son, Oh God, Oh God!” My thoughts were, “shut the f--- up.

You should’ve thought about that from the beginning; you knew what you were doing this whole time.”

Later, I had to accept the fact that God would take care of him. Maybe I was being used as a vessel to protect future young girls from his wrongdoings. Later, during the investigation, a few other girls told me what he’d said and did to them. Even though their experiences weren’t as extensive as mine, I knew that I had to do something about it; speak up for them. There was so much more to how this all happened. This manipulator and predator traitor was a disappointment. The lesson I learned has changed my life, but it has also made me more outspoken– stronger, in a sense.

Yes, I went to the police, but still justice hasn’t been served. The whole process is not only long, but emotionally exhausting.

There have been multiple times when, even a rapper or another male artist, looking to work with me, was looking for more than just collaboration. They were looking at me like a slice of key lime pie or peach cobbler; something sweet that would please them.

I had one producer tell me that he wanted to make me into the next “Beyoncé” the day after he asked me to join him in bed. I have self-respect and love for myself; you don’t make it to the top by taking the shortcut, and refusing to live up to your values and morals. I always think about my future children; I go through these experiences, not just for myself, but for them. If you are an up-and-coming artist, or an individual that truly wants to pursue music, you have to know what comes with it. People have different routes to success, and some want fast money and quick fame. When you are struggling, and that opportunity is right in front of you, just know that it isn’t of God if the outcome suggests that you go against what is right.

To my beautiful sisters and brothers, Do not allow someone to take your worth from you. I can say this because of experience. In high school, and even today as a collegiate student-athlete, my peers would look at me and assume that I had it all together, not even knowing what and whom I was at war with. I was the girl who earned good grades, was a track star, a singer, and a dancer, but behind it all, was a caterpillar ready to grow into a butterfly… except, I wasn’t ready.

We all go through a metamorphosis in life, and you just have to burst out of the cocoon, when it’s the right time; when you’re truly transformed. You’ll spread your wings once you’ve found yourself. When someone’s “act of kindness” gives you a negative feeling, listen to your soul. Listen to what your spirit is trying to tell you because some people do want something in return, and some people don’t; the world we live in can be deceiving.

I struggled, and still struggle, with my relationship, as a result of my experiences and fear, but it is not the person I love who is hurting me– it is only myself. It is my own thoughts, the thoughts and healing process I have yet, to overcome. As I look into my future, I know I will be able to read this and see that I was once in the cocoon. I will be happy and able to share that happiness with a God-fearing and God-loving man.

You often hear about how dirty the music industry is… well, here it is, and this is why.

So many artists and musicians struggle, live in their cars, and they are constantly trying to keep their head above water. Manipulators prey on this and see it as a sign of weakness. You are not weak; you are growing. Anyone can be a wolf in sheep’s clothing but some wolves dress up as close friends. Believe in yourself and stay true to the butterfly you were born to be.

M

y name is Jewels Jaselle. I am a singer, songwriter and voice actor. I grew up loving music and being an entertainer, my entire life. Creating songs from nothing is, and always has been, a passion of mine. The more I worked on my craft, and put myself out there, the more opportunities began to come my way.

Along with those opportunities, came “struggle” and “disappointment.” Being raised with traditional Latino family values, I was brought up sheltered, so when I chose a career in an industry, primarily run by men in positions of power, I was caught off-guard with how to handle some of the situations that came my way.

At a very early age (12 or 13 years old) I began to get approached and propositioned by 30-40 year old men that were executives in the music industry. I felt intimidated by them, especially if I didn’t do what they wanted; I was worried they would make my life hell.

My first record deal was with a major label. I was under age at the time, so there was some protection, but, ulti-

mately, acts of inappropriateness still occurred “off the record.” I learned to bite my tongue and just tolerate it; if I didn’t do as I was told, my dream would be taken away.

Dealing with this, led me to, gradually, start hating the one thing that used to make me so happy. It began to feel like prostitution, especially when producers that worked with major artists and labels, were making offers of stardom, as long as I would follow along and play their game of “lets exchange sexual favors.” My strong moral values would not allow me to agree to this.

that I was not interested, and did not date people who I worked with professionally, it sent him off the deepend and was the beginning of a nightmare! He began to stalk, harass and threaten to kill me, if I didn’t do what he wanted. After a restraining order was placed, he found out where I lived and showed up one night, unexpectedly, with a gun and took me against my will. That was the last straw for me. That changed my perception of how dangerous some people, involved in the music industry, can really be.

After enduring this for so long, I grew up and decided to take a break and go on my own. I partnered with an independent producer, non-exclusively, and released a single to national radio. Fans began to come, as well as other producers who wanted to work with me. All sounds great, right? Well, as naive as I was young, I was too trusting.

Another producer contacted me, offering to hire me on a project, and used names of people I knew to make me trust him. After agreeing to work with him, he, then, professed he had an interest in dating me. When I expressed

These lessons and experiences taught me the importance of being selective when deciding whom I choose to work with. If an opportunity doesn’t come directly through someone I know, personally, i.e., my agents or other professionals that I have established relationships with, I wont do it. I am, also now, very aware of who I am as an artist, and have so much more to express through my music. We as, artistic women, need to spread awareness to others, and need to be reminded that, not all that glitters is gold.

B

eing a performer at such a young age, I experienced things that, at the time, I didn’t fully understand. Multiple male “predators” would come to my shows when I was between 13 and 16 years old, befriend me, and then start telling me that they would make all of my dreams come true.

I have always known what was right and wrong, but I struggled with calling these men out. Being young, I had no one to turn to. The social media messages, I would receive from men, would start with, “Let’s record you,” then moved to how attractive they thought I was, to comments that were beyond okay, such as: “I would love a girl like you in the passenger seat of my car.” “Are you going to the carnival? I’ll give you a hot dog, and maybe something to eat.” I was scared, and didn’t know who I could talk to. If I told my dad, who was a police officer may I add, I would risk having to leave the band I was in. I even dealt with misconduct from our tour bus driver.

Eventually, these predators started to make me loathe music. I started to lose the spark that I had for it. I thought, “Well, if this is what showbiz is all about, then I don’t want to be part of it.” Although nothing physical ever happened to me, my experiences really started to tarnish my dream. I stopped playing for two years, and moved to the country to start fresh.

I now have thick skin, and the hunger and drive to get back into what I was born to do. Although these experiences happen every day in the music industry, I have learned what is right and wrong, and how to overcome and stand up to men who try to take away my passion.

I was born to play music.

A

s a songwriter, I have done many co-writing sessions with both male and female writers.

For the most part, writers have been very respectful. While I have had a few uncomfortable instances, there was nothing that I couldn’t handle.

However, there was one male writer, who I worked with and actually became very good friend with, who took things way too far. He would call me after heavily drinking and start insulting me. He would tell me that I wasn’t talented, nobody really liked me, and that I was fat and ugly; the whole nine yards.

He even went on to tell me that the only reason our songs became popular was because he was featured on them and he knew how to attract fans. He took to the internet to publicly shame me and degrade me.

Eventually, the insults turned into physical threats.

He began showing up places, he knew I would be, and stalking me. The local sheriff got involved in order to end the situation. At first it was humiliating and I did not feel safe. He used physical threats to get what he wanted, and I soon realized that, despite his personal issues, he felt the need to degrade me because he thought he could get away with it. He did not expect me, as a girl, to stand up to him. When I put my foot down, he was surprised and retreated back into his shell.

Another experience actually involved a woman I worked for. I briefly worked as a receptionist at a big recording studio in Los Angeles. At first, I really admired her straightforward, blunt attitude. After

Stay strong, stand your ground, and be proud of your actions...

a while, I watched her passion turn to bitterness, and saw that her motives were different than what I originally thought. She told me that the reason she was so tough and abrasive was because of the way men had treated her in the business. She told me that the only way to succeed was to be able to look a man in the eyes and take control. The day before I quit, I watched her scream at a full-grown man, because that was the only way she felt like she would gain his respect.

Even though I am only 17 years old, I have definitely seen and experienced the divide between men and women in the music industry. I have always been very outspoken and have never been afraid to stand up for myself. Due to my age, I am often surrounded by adults who look out for me and protect me.

Unfortunately, I have heard story after story about women who have, in fact, been taken advantage of in the music industry.

I think it is so very important not to lose yourself in the quest to find success. While it is great to stand up for yourself against men (or women) who try to take advantage of you, you must not let them change your character. Do not let them harden your beautiful disposition. Do not give them the satisfaction of thinking that they “won” and were able to change you. Stay strong, stand your ground, and be proud of your actions, because at the end of the day, you have to love yourself above anyone else.

M

y story is similar to every other, aspiring, girls’ story. I sang in church; I was the best singer at my school, even had the nickname “Songbird,” but unlike most girls, whose dreams end after high school or college, I actually made it to the next level and signed a deal with one of the most popular labels in the country… or so I thought.

I can recall like it was yesterday... his hot breath on my neck, hands groping my breasts, whispering promises of stardom and fame. All I had to do was drop to my knees and please him. He said, “Baby, I don’t even want sex; just use that pretty mouth of yours and sing on my dick like you sing on the mic.”

Perhaps, I should back up and give you the full story. See, I was born to sing; came out my mother’s womb hitting a high C-note, and never looked back. My mom was a singer, her mother as well, however, my parents didn’t want that life for me.

“Go to school. Educate yourself,” they would say.

“Singing is a hobby, not a career.”

I didn’t listen. I had dreams of making it big, and everyone around me told me I had a gift. Throughout grade school, I sang in every play, choir, church function and talent show around town. I was determined to live out my dream. At age 19, I was “discovered” by a vet in the game. He wanted to mold me, train me and help me get to the next level. Of course, my parents weren’t having it, but I was “grown,” so I decided to make my own choices.

When my “mentor” offered to move me to New York, I was on the first plane smoking.

At that time, New York was the place to be for an artist. For three months, I recorded an album, performed at open mics, met with labels and had vocal training with some of the best in the business. My “mentor” was amazing to me; he could do no wrong.

He believed in me, was my protector, and was willing to spend his money on me to make me a star. Unfortunately, our New York trip was cut short due to “funding,” and we came back to Atlanta. For six months, nothing really happened. No recording, no vocal training, no mentor-- just silence. I began to think, the only person who believed in me, lost faith, so I focused on school. I didn’t think a degree in singing made sense, so I focused my studies on Public Relations and Journalism.

One day, I got a call from a friend of mine urging me to go to an audition for, renowned writer and producer, Bryan Michael Cox. The word was that he was creating a girl group. Nervous and scared, I went, doubtful that I would make it. Hell, the only person who believed in me, with any sort of music industry credibility, disappeared, so I wasn’t confident in my talent anymore. However, I went, sang my heart out, and became the lead of his group, “Krave.” I was on top of the world, so excited that someone else, with power and credibility, believed in me. I quit school, and decided this time I WOULD make it! One day, at rehearsal, a group of guys walked in and

took a seat. They watched us, whispered and smirked.

I watched their faces as we danced, as I sung and harmonized with my group members. One of those faces, I knew all too well-- my mentor was back. I didn’t let his presence shake me though; if anything I sang harder, danced sharper and hit every note with my girls.

I was determined to show him he made a mistake by disappearing.

After rehearsal, he greeted me and pulled me aside. He explained that he often thought of me, but had to stop working with me because he didn’t feel I was focused enough when we were in New York. He said that he felt like I didn’t show enough gratitude to him for spending his money and time on me. I was confused, but promised that I meant no harm and was grateful for his help. He asked me if I wanted him to be my manager, and of course, I agreed. He was at the top of his game, discovered top A-list artists, and knew what it took to make a star; I wanted to be a star more than anything. He told me I couldn’t tell anyone, or the other girls, that he was my manager because they would be jealous, and that he would work out all of the paperwork with B. Cox. As the lead of the group, I was in the studio at all hours. It was a regular occurrence to begin a session at 1 a.m., so I thought nothing of it when my “mentor,” now “manager,” told me to meet the producer at the studio, and bring my overnight bag.

I was ready to work!

When I got to the studio, I found it odd there were only three cars in the parking lot. Normally the studio was full, regardless of the hour of day, but I let it go, not wanting to be distracted by the small things. Our album was almost done; I was close to being a star,

and everything I worked for was so close to its completion. When I hit the buzzer, to get into the studio, I was surprised my “manager” opened the door. He was smiling from ear to ear and hugged me before I could even get in the door.

“Damn, don’t you look beautiful, as usual,” he said.

“So listen, tonight we are going to celebrate!” he exclaimed, as he led me into the studio kitchen.

“Celebrate what?” I said with excitement.

“You! We all knew you were the star, and as such, they want you! Only you Aisha,” he said. “Wait, what do you mean?” I asked confused.

“Listen babygirl, you’ve been working your ass off, carrying this group, and while you guys sound good together, you sound better solo. Universal Records wants you, Aisha. They want to sign you to a two album deal, give you a hefty advancement, and they’re even willing to partner you with a Universal label mate for your first single!” He said.

Of course I was excited, terrified and elated, all at the same time. It was finally happening!

When he opened the doors to the studio, I was in for another surprise. There were candles set up all around the room, with music playing softly in the background, and a piece a paper and pen sitting on the island countertop.

“What is all this?” I asked him.

“This is only the beginning,” he said.

“I knew when I first saw you and heard you sing, you would be a star. I knew I had to help you! And look at us now; here together. This is your contract from the label,” he said, pointing to the contract on the countertop.

“My contact back in L.A. is waiting for me to send it. I have to get it to them by midnight. Are you ready?” he asked.

“Yes, of course,” I said. “But don’t I need to have a lawyer look at this first?” I questioned.

“Don’t you trust me? Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?” he asked.

I thought about it for a second and realized that he was right. He was like a big brother to me. He always protected me and we had come so far. Without a second thought, I signed my name on the dotted line. As soon as I signed, he excused himself because he needed to fax off the paperwork in time. When he returned, he asked me to stand and give him a hug. I was, officially, a Universal recording artist. We hugged and I said thank you. When I started to pull away, he grabbed my face gently and kissed my forehead, then my nose, then my cheeks and, finally, my lips. I was confused, but thought it was just his way of showing me love. Of course, I laughed it off and tried to move again, but his grip became tighter. He put his arms around my waist and said, “You are mine now, I will always take care of you. I need you to focus on two things from here on out: 1. Your music and 2. Me. I will be the only man in your life from here on out. Whatever you want or need, I can provide for you. Do you understand?” he

asked.

“Yes, I think so,” I said.

I was confused as hell because his tone was different; the look in his eye was scary and I felt uncomfortable, but I trusted him, so I tried to shake the thought.

I smiled and said, “Can I get some water please?”

“Of course queen. Anything you want,” he said as he let go of my waist.

I walked over to the cooler sitting in the corner, bent down and grabbed a bottle of water and began drinking it slowly. I could hear him walk up behind me, but for some reason I was afraid to turn around. Before I could brush my fears aside, I felt him push me up against the wall. I could feel his dick against my sweatpants and knew, then, what kind of “celebrating” he wanted to do. I’ve watched enough movies to know, when you fight a rapist or molester, they get pleasure from your fear, so I stood still, breathing slowly.

“What are you doing,” I asked.

With his hands groping my breasts, he whispered promises of stardom and fame. He told me how hard he had worked for me; how much he always loved me, and he wanted to be closer to me. I told him (face still to the wall) that I was on my period and couldn’t.

“Baby, I don’t even want sex; just use that pretty mouth of yours and sing on my dick like you sing on the mic.”

I began to cry. I knew that he was going to rape me if I said no. In that moment, everything I worked for felt like a distant memory; I needed to get out of there.

“Please don’t do this to me,” I cried.

“Do what to you?” he said spinning me around. He looked so angry, like there was nothing in his eyes.

“I don’t want to do this. You are like a brother to me.

Please back up and let me go home.” I cried.

“OK. I’ll let you go home, but just note that I have the power to destroy that contract, with Universal at any time, and you’re going to give me what I want, whenever I want it or you’ll go back to singing at talent shows where I found you. Do you know who I am?

I’m a well-respected, industry vet baby, and if I blacklist you-- well don’t think you can go around me,” he threatened.

“I would never try and go around you,” I said with tears streaming down my face.

“Good girl,” he said as he slid his hand in my sweatpants, violating my sex.

“There is nowhere else for you to go,” he said as he exited the room.

After that day, I was different. Everything was different. My studio performance was lackluster, my energy was depleted and I lost the love of it all. Everyone could tell I was different, but didn’t know why. I never told a soul, until now. To be honest, I blocked it out of my head. That’s what 11 years will do to you.

People who know me, often wonder why I stopped singing. Well, now they know. Oh, and my deal? There was no deal. A month later, after the incident, I discovered that the contract, I signed, was nothing more than a replicated copy of a deal he had, previously, gotten a well-known singer, earlier in his career. I wanted to

say something-- warn people-- but for what? I figured no one would listen to me. He was “the man,” and still is to this day. He has moved up in his career, and we often see each other, but I’ve never spoken a word about it to him.

I’ve moved on. I have a successful public relations firm and live my life free and happy. I agreed to tell my story, not to expose or out him, but to warn young girls of the overly kind, “I want to help you” folks. I’m not saying there aren’t good people out there, however, I do caution you to understand there are no secrets in this industry. Your manager shouldn’t tell you to keep things from your family or friends; he shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable in any way. I always felt something odd when it came to him, but I never listened to my inner voice. Listen to yours; she can be your best friend, if you let her.

T

hrough the years, I have often struggled to be respected as an artist rather than being treated as a sexual object by many of the men in the music business whose intentions were not honest. Unfortunately, many of these men selfishly wanted me for their own personal desires rather than to actually work with me and support or help me like they originally claimed to be interested in doing. As a professional who strives to be productive and work with greats in the business, I aim to grow in my artistry and advance my skills as a vocalist, arranger, writer and entertainer. It has been hard to pass on certain opportunities when approached and invited to collaborate, knowing they could be life changing; however, I’ve never been willing to compromise myself or place

myself in harm’s way. Sadly, there were many times I decided not to go to the studio when, in my heart, I really wanted to be there. My instincts knew I would be placed in an uncomfortable position that I would not be able to handle, and I didn’t want to chance regretting what might happen. My reputation is very important to me as well as my self-respect, and I promised myself I would never compromise.

Personally, I have been cornered, seduced, tricked and manipulated by producers, artists and industry professionals, who had only one thing in mind when talking “business.” I can happily say that I never compromised myself for any opportunity, but of course, I have made mistakes

that have landed me in the wrong environments, especially in my early naïve days when I was trying to break into the industry. We are all human, but I learned quickly to avoid situations that I knew could go wrong.

I learned a hard lesson as a result of a relationship that I thought was real, honest and productive. He and I had an incredible close and collaborative friendship, which I trusted without question, but unfortunately, I eventually found out that I was just one of many being used and played. Throughout all of this, I thankfully learned to be more guarded and protective of myself.

I do have some examples of amazing of men in my life

though. My dad is number one, and a few other wonderful old and new friendships give me hope that there are men I can trust. I can say that I am very grateful for the trust I’ve gained through my faith and the examples of others, and I hope to be a great example for young women entering the business who may face challenges as well.

As a result of my continued patience, hard work, tenacity, determination and the friendships I’ve developed, I am finally surrounded by some incredible like-minded industry greats who inspire me to be the best me and support and respect me as a woman, artist/entertainer and singer-songwriter. I am now around people who see, admire, and respect my beauty and talent rather than secretly acting on their own desires or lustful thoughts. It is possible! (LOL...Thank God.) Many men have tried to dangle opportunities in front of my face like candy. Some see your hunger as their opportunity and attempt to prey on it. Along the way, I have learned what these scenarios look & sound like, and I don’t fall for them anymore! The bottom line is that doing your work professionally, showing up, and following through speaks for itself. For young up-and-coming artists, I advise you that if a professional cannot honor and respect you, your time, and talent, in a safe and comfortable work space and deal with you professionally (which does not include partying, doing drugs, and drinking at late night sessions, or being involved in sexual acts) then 95% of the time, it will only get worse and lead to compromising situations.

Business should be done when it is time to do business, and personal matters during personal times. It’s rarely a good idea to mix business with pleasure, and it is best to avoid personal relations when conducting business...period. Get your work done first, take time to build a friendship, and gain the appropriate trust and respect before considering anything further. I am excited about the future for us all. Knowledge truly is power.

I am so grateful for men like Devine Evans who are willing to take a stand and fend for us ladies in order to make a difference. Thank you!

A

t the tender age of 14 years old, I thought that all of my little girl dreams were coming true. What I didn’t realize, was that it was much different than the dream I envisioned. I walked into the sitting room of his beautiful Ladera Heights home to a room full of men gawking at me and dissecting me from head to toe. It was a very intense moment but I still proceeded to accomplish what I came for, this was my moment to shine. So I opened my mouth and began to sing. As they looked, I closed my eyes, connected to my soul to give me comfort and sang my heart out. “Very impressed! You have “it”, but there are a few things that ain’t working,” is what he told me. He acknowledged my talent, but focused on my beauty and how marketable I would be if I lost some weight. I was too curvy. He said, “Sex sells, so I need you to have sex appeal and be able to wear anything I choose for you.” I had never even

thought about sex appeal until this day. I didn’t think it was an important factor at the age of 14, but, I was willing to do what was needed to make it, and besides a little weight loss wouldn’t hurt anybody.

I signed to the label in efforts of accomplishing my goals of becoming a superstar singer, and was finally “in”. After being with the label for about a year and a half, there were so many different things happening around me that I wasn’t accustomed to. There were different women coming in and out of the studio, drugs being utilized, older men making passes at me, and more and more time being spent away from my family and school. And I’ll be honest; I even participated in some of the festivities at times. I thought this was the life.

After putting in so many hours of work days and nights in the studio and nothing coming from it, I finally opened up, to my mother, about what was going on. Mind you, prior to this experience, I had never been away from my mother’s protection or in any type of environment such as this. This was the norm for them, but it just didn’t feel right to me.

The last straw, was when my manager, at the time, offered me sexual favors in exchange for my being focused in school and keeping my mind off boys. I couldn’t take it anymore. During the initial negotiation of my contract, my mom made a deal with them, in regards to my grades in school. If my grades started dropping, she maintained the authority to pull me out [of the contract] so that I could get refocused in school because that came first and foremost to her. Once she pulled that card, it was pretty much the end of that nightmare.

I was devastated; I had worked so long and hard on so many records, to only find out, later on, that they were using my recordings to shop demos for other artists. I couldn’t believe this news I was hearing from my lawyer, in addition to being made aware of royalties that I never received.

But hey, you reap what you sow and I haven’t heard their name around town in years. I thank God that I am still here, and I am grateful for Him bringing me out of that situation. Who knows what could have happened if I kept accepting that type of treatment; the situation surely taught me a whole lot. I will never sell out to make myself less then who I am. I’m a beautiful woman from the inside out standing strong. Gifted with a song in my heart that I want to share with the world. Here’s to 2016! I cant stop; wont stop; time to win!

Symbiosis sym·bi·o·sis ˌsimbīˈōsəs,ˌsimbēˈōsəs/ noun (pl. symbioses |-ˌsēz| ) Biology interaction between two different organisms living in close physical association, typically to the advantage of both.

• a mutually beneficial relationship between different people or groups: a perfect mother and daughter symbiosis.

I

n our case this word represents the relationship between man and woman; the “X’s” versus the “Y’s.” In this ultimate battle of the sexes, to think that you can hurt one without hurting the other is the true definition of insanity. It would be the equivalent of your brain telling your body to stop breathing. One gender simply cannot exist without the others undying love and support.

There are not many human beings that would or could intentionally take a bite out of their own flesh. The idea of that alone seems silly. The imagination’s fear of the thought of such an action, would make the idea of that level of self inflicted pain just about as entertaining as a standup comedian. The action would, most likely, never make it past the laughter we would experience in our own heads. Most of us are not capable of inflicting such a detrimental wound to ourselves, but, for the purposes of our own entertainment, we would annihilate the image of the opposite gender. We as a species do not have enough foresight to see the long term damage that is being caused by our own actions.

We willingly take our species on a journey to die a slow death. Small wounds, left untreated, take years to cause harm and usually they happen at a slow pace. By the time we realize that we are bleeding, it is already too late. For example, I remember, when I was in the 7th grade, I heard a guy call a girl a bitch, for the first time in my life, because she wouldn’t give him her phone number. During this time, calling a woman bitch was parallel only to cursing God’s name in church. This was a road that only a suicidal man would dare travel. If I had a stop watch to calculate the time it took for not just the recipient of this “B” word to react, but for every woman with in a 100-foot radius to react, I don’t think it would have taken longer than 3 seconds. He was surrounded, cussed out, and for sure lost all status with the ladies at this school forever. Now-a-days the word bitch is so common that it might as well be written on women’s Starbucks cups. One song at a time, small doses of this degrading word has caused women to grow numb. The threshold for respect has now reached an all time low. Now that women have accepted this word as the new normal, the sky is the limit for disrespect.

These days, there are songs that play on mainstream radio, that are filled with so many degrading words, that it is impossible to create a radio edit that doesn’t have 70% of the lyrics edited or muted out. What do I know, right? Well, I can say that I have seen the quality of musical content reach such a low point that I am positive it will not be long before radio will die. Recording artists with more than 2 albums no longer exist. The saddest part, is that all of the people, men and women alike, that supported this slow demise of our music, will act innocent and sigh at the condition and the soulless music that they are left with. Soul music of all genres could one day only exist on the underground

level, and the artists that actually make an effort to preserve the art of songs will be too broke to tour.

To understand what we are doing to ourselves, maybe it would be easier to visualize an environment behaving as we do. Imagine every forest in the world and all of their trees.

Imagine them creating a flyer announcing to the world, “We are setting ourselves on fire and you do not want to miss it!” Imagine them holding a party and streaming it live.

Imagine them thinking in their minds that this is the cool thing to do, so they invite the grass and bushes to join in, and then they invite the fish in the sea to show up with cameras. Imagine animals hosting the red carpet. Imagine all of this and then ask yourself with the trees gone, how will we breathe? Now, imagine all of the worlds clouds, filled with rain, knowing they have what it takes to save us from our trees mistakes by putting out the fire with their rain. This would be the right thing to do, and the clouds should know it because they too can not exist with out trees. Regardless of this reality, and what they know or don’t know, the clouds will only rain if they realize how desperately they, too, need the trees.

We are human, and we all need each other to survive. Men need women, and women need men. The way we treat each other as a whole must change. We must learn to value the roles we all play in each others lives. Money and power can’t save you. If a drug dealers’ son sells drugs to a lawyers’ daughter, and her boyfriend is the son of preacher, all three kids are in danger. If a man pees in the same river we use as a water supply, men and women will both drink piss. Not just her and not just him. He cannot hurt her without hurting himself and she can not hurt him with out hurting herself. Learn this and expand on the idea everyday of your life. We are all connected, we are all family, and respect for one another is the only thing that can save us.

There is a type of man who thrives on the high he gets from degrading the people he comes in contact with. The type of man that takes what he wants and kills for sport like an apex predator. This man knows no boundaries; he has no fear, and no respect. This is not the wolf dressed in grandmother’s clothes, awaiting the arrival of Little Red Riding Hood, this is the beast who greets her, fangs out, at the door. He only needs a few moments to reveal his true intentions. He will touch you, uninvitedly, and call you outside of your name if you resist. This man will do whatever he can to make you feel small. He thrives off of the fear in your eyes and the increased tempo of your heart. Whatever is not given to him, he takes. This man is THE SAVAGE.

I

n 2013, I was connected with a producer in Los Angeles, who prides himself on discovering Bruno Mars and working with Michael Jackson, Mariah Carey, Lady Gaga, etc. My representative, at the time, spoke with him on the phone to get more details, about working with me, prior to me flying out there. We had a conference call, followed by a few emails back and forth.

The following week, I was in LA, on my way to his studio. When I arrived, everything seemed very legit. He had pictures with all of the people he said he worked with, framed records and various awards. He played a demo he did for me, inspired by my background, which made me feel like he really cared about my artistry. He brought out a million dollar contract, and had me look over it; it felt like a dream come true. A major label was a part of it, an amazing producer, and on top of everything, this would secure my ultimate dream– to live in America. He, then, called an immigration attorney, who said he could take care of my immigration status within a month.

Excited about everything, we started working on a song. He brought out a mic from the recording booth and had me sit next to him, so he could vocally produce me. Verbal lessons, then, turned physical, and his hands started going down my body. He told me to relax, trust him and to close my eyes and take a deep breath.

The next moment, he was on top of me, holding me down and pulling my dress up. Shocked, I pushed him away with all my strength, grabbed my purse and ran toward the door. He held the door saying, ‘’If you want this career, I can make it happen, but you have to be mine in every single way.’’

I angrily said “NO!” and told him I would call the police if he didn’t let me go. He, thankfully, did, leaving me with one last threat, ‘’If you ever tell anyone about this, or ever mention my name, I will make sure that you never get signed to a major label.’’

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I

was never the typical little girl. While my friends were begging for Barbie dolls and dress up clothes, I was begging for instruments, cassette tapes and vocal lessons. My mom used to say to me, “I wish you knew bible scripture as well as you knew all of the songs on the radio,” because I made it a point to know every word to every song.

At times, when I felt alone and misunderstood, I sat in my bedroom closet and wrote ideas, words, poems and songs to different melodies I created in my mind. Music became my outlet and was the only thing that ever made sense to me. There was never a question, in my mind, about music being my passion and the only thing I ever wanted to do,

but my dreams came with a price and hard lessons.

At 19 years old, I was a book smart college student who lacked street smarts. I had very little knowledge of the music industry, how it operated, and what was expected of a young female in a male-dominated industry. Halfway through my college career, I landed a spot as a vocalist in a female R&B group, moved to Atlanta and worked in top recording studios with GRAMMY nominated producers.

I was living, what I considered, “the dream,” but quickly learned that trust in the music industry was hard to come by. Eventually, trust was broken, our group disbanded and I was right back in California. Discouraged and heartbroken, I temporarily gave up music and finished college.

Five years later, I gained the courage to pursue music once again, as a solo artist. During my solo quest, I was introduced to a talented local producer, who was interested in working with me. After much back and forth, we set a date to meet at his studio, listen to some tracks and write. The night of the meeting, my boyfriend, who was also a producer, was out of town, so I decided to attend the meeting alone. As I pulled into the dimly lit parking lot, located in what seemed like the middle of nowhere, a feeling of uneasiness came over me. I walked into the building, was greeted by the receptionist and taken to Studio “B.” Immediately, as I stepped into the studio, the smell of liquor and marijuana filled the air. The producer,

slowly removed a bottle of Hennessy from his lips to greet me.

As I sat down, he offered me a drink; I declined. “You smoke?” he asked. “No. I don’t,” I said. “OK. Let’s get to work.” He proceeded to play me beat after beat until they all collided into, what sounded like, one long R&B song. After 45 minutes, he stood up, turned the lights off and grabbed my hand, urging me to dance. Confused and taken aback, I, hesitantly, stood to my feet. Without warning, he picked me up, pinned my petite frame against the wall and attempted to kiss me. “What are you doing?

Put me down!” I screamed, praying that someone could hear my voice above the loud music playing through the studio monitors.

Shocked and afraid, I froze. Within a few minutes, the studio door opened and I was spared. I quickly grabbed my things and left, what could have become, a dangerous and traumatic situation.

A few days later, a rumor that I had slept with the producer made its way to my boyfriend’s doorstep. The man I loved didn’t believe me. He no longer trusted me and was convinced I was willing to do anything for attention and a chance in the spotlight. It became a “he said, she said” uphill battle, where my word meant nothing. Eventually, the dust settled and my boyfriend and I were able to mend what was broken. Through it all, I, still, questioned why that producer was on a mission to destroy my relationship and me. (Because I didn’t give him what he wanted?)

Although my relationship was tested and my reputation was tainted, by a sexually driven man who couldn’t take “no” for an answer, that night, I came out of the studio unharmed. Unfortunately, some women are unable to say the same. It’s imperative that women, in this industry, know what they’re getting themselves into, and protect themselves because things aren’t always what they seem.

Being alive means going through adversity; adversity promotes growth. Run toward your fears, that’s the only way you’ll overcome them.

Kristinia Debarge

I

’m Ebony Love, but they call me “Hooka.” I am the go-to girl in Atlanta for all of the rappers. My phone rings at all times of the day and night, and when they call me, they know I’m coming; coming to lay it down. I give them what they want, and exactly what they need. They know what I’m selling.

They know money makes me come (I said it on the song with Rick Ross), but I mean C-O-M-E to where the money is, not C-U-M. I’m grinding for blue checks, royalties, generational wealth, and for my son and me… on my feet, not my back.

When I got the call that the vice president of a major record label was interested in me, I did the holy dance! I was waiting on this all my life! I worked hard in the industry, writing for major artists and “planting seeds,” waiting for my “big break;” I felt like this could be my harvest time. A mutual associate told the VP about me and my music. He began following me on Instagram, liking my pictures and corresponding with me, online, inquiring about my music. We began direct messaging, exchanged numbers, texted back and forth, and made plans to link. Ironically, I already had his number from years before, when he was referred and reached out to me about writing some songs for a group he signed to the label. After months of him flying back and forth, and us communicating periodically, we never found a chance to meet... until one day the stars finally aligned. I saw him at a day party at Lucky Lounge in Atlanta. I came alone, as I usually did. I didn’t approach him, but when he left, I texted to let him know that I knew he was in town and that I just saw him. He said he and his buddies were at his house playing cards and invited me over; I was ecstatic!

He was very polite upon my arrival, and even seemed somewhat bashful. He offered

me a drink and introduced me to his friends. I felt comfortable and everyone was respectful. I thought at some point he was going to ask to listen to my music, but the card game went on, for what seemed like hours. Eventually I fell asleep. At some point, I was awakened by him, and when I opened my eyes I saw everyone was gone. He asked if I was OK. I said, “OK to drive? Yes.” We walked upstairs to the foyer, and instead of opening the door to let me out, he turned around, grabbed my hands, and asked me if I could stay. I told him no, and that I needed to pick up my son. Apparently, what I said went in one ear and out of the other, because he, suddenly, had an erection, took his penis out and wrapped my hand around his dick. I was standing in the foyer of this man’s house, with a couple of his friends crashed on the couch in the room behind him, and his penis was in my hand. It was an awkward silence and I was shattered inside, knowing the motto I lived by, “I’m coming up on my feet, not my back.” I was crushed. Even though I already knew what time it was and I wasn’t surprised, because I knew the game and understood men and how they work, and I understand sexual desires, so I could, generally, overlook unwanted lust, I was still thrown off because he had tried me and I knew that however I responded, at that very moment, would determine the depth of possibilities that could arise from that relationship. How I responded to him and his penis in my hand, could make or break the chance of a lifetime, that I had been waiting on. It, possibly, could determine whether I’d ever even see this dude again, much less achieve the goal of getting him to hear my music and ultimately signing me as an artist and/or writer. So as I stood there, looking at him, looking both egotistically weak and strong at the same time, I asked him, “What am I supposed to do with this.”

He grinned slyly and said, “It’s up to you.”

As I pulled my hand away, and told him no thank you, I knew that would be the last time I would see him, and knew that opportunity was over. I was right; from that point on he never returned any calls or texts… and I knew why.

Because Jezebel wins… And I’m not her.

It’s almost 2020, and apparently it is still a man’s world, and “Jezebel” knows it. She plays by the man’s rules, and wins. Who wants to turn down what could be an opportunity of a lifetime, especially if you’ve been waiting your whole life for that moment. But who could have foreseen that moment would end like this?

I’m Not Jezebel

A

nyone who has worked in music (or entertainment, for that matter) professionally probably knows that carrying it off, successfully, can be a delicate balancing act for many reasons. Maneuvering the ins and outs of “the business,” and the people involved with it, is a dance – a bold turn here or a subtle shift there – all in hopes of moving just a little farther down the line. I liken it to dancing on a high-wire, fraught with propositions, cheaters, thieves, psychic vampires, back-door deals, politics, and just haters in general. Don’t get me wrong…I love music! It’s a true artistic medium that reaches every creature on this Earth, in my opinion (you know, frequencies and shit) and I have met some wonderful, beautiful people. However, I have learned that, unless you are working with your people, in your studio, controlling EVERY aspect of a project, any number of things can happen, at any time during (or even after) the process that we call making music. It will shake the wire, unsettling your balance or throwing you clean off and down into the depths. Even then… the secret is in the balancing act. Let’s draw from the well…

I remember circa 2009, when I was a part of a writing/production group and we had been working with the urban division of a major label (think contractor). One of their studios was in the Valley (San Fernando, for those who may not know) which was where we did the bulk of our work with them. Now, in the studio life, it’s very often that “work” doesn’t start, for most people, until a late afternoon/ early evening timeframe; some don’t come in before 11 p.m., and they will work all night. The creative sweet spot hits right about 1-2 a.m., and you get a high like none other. I love being creative! Anyway… this makes late night food runs pretty common, and often a studio will have a binder with great eats, that either deliver or are open in the wee night hours. The studio is my favorite place for all of the creativity and collaboration that flows through it.

On one particular evening, a more senior member of the label was in to check things out and see how the music was going (or that’s what we were told; anyway… a lot of information comes on a need to know basis because money is often at stake). At some point, in the latter part of the evening, the topic of food inevitably arose, and a call to Wingstop was made. Yes… it’s a staple. The division head said that he would make the run and asked for a volunteer to go help

with the order. We had just finished writing a song, so I said, “Sure…

I’ll go,” and off we went.

I want to take time, at this point in the story, to remind the reader that I was part of a writing group, and we were good – really good. This is important because when opportunity knocks, you have to be ready, otherwise it will knock for someone else. This gig was big for us, because working with major labels, at that time, held a better chance of placement opportunities than the burgeoning indie scene that has now exploded. The balancing act becomes more elaborate when it is not just you, but your writing group as a whole being able to work, is at stake. It should be constantly in the back of one’s mind, especially since rumors fly like weed smoke and travel faster than Superman.

Politics are a bitch.

And we’re back... I hop into his randomly-colored luxury car and we head on, what I thought was going to be a nice, short food run. This short trip turned out to take forever, in my mind. You know how it starts… a compliment here, some jokes, to make you laugh, there – EVERYONE is playing the game, by the way. Always be aware of that or at least prepared for it. Anyway, he seemed harmless enough, until he started propositioning me, right there in the Wingstop parking lot, while we were waiting for the food. Blast Wingstop! Of course the food wasn’t ready yet… grrr, so, I had to sit there in his car, and play the game with him. I’m balancing, and he’s shaking the

wire to see if I would fall or not. In fact, he was betting that I would, probably because experience had taught him that in the past. Well, this is when my life experience came in. If there was anything that growing up with my dad and brother and then serving in the Marine Corps with a 95% male environment had taught me, is that I am a flexible somebody. I will dance circles on this wire. Don’t play.

He kept talking all this smooth shit, and I kept reminding him, in my professional way, that he is married, and his wife probably wouldn’t like this conversation. He applied the “She does her, I do me” technique, and I countered it with the coy, “And you want to ‘do’ me…

What kind of woman do you take me for,” spin. All this time, in the back of my mind I know that, if I crushed him too quickly, my writing group may lose the gig. This is how the dance gets really complicated. So, I have learned the fine art of saying no without saying “no.” Sometimes being a woman has its rewards. The “dance” continued all the way until we pulled back in to the studio parking lot, with moves and countermoves the entire time. That studio never looked so good. Before I got out of his car, he is like, “Well?” and I simply told him (in my own way, you’ll have to find your own) that he would have to do better than that, and walked into the studio. I made it to another resting post on the high wire, without falling off.

Put a rose in my teeth and call me twinkle toes, suga.

“D

on’t wear red, it’s bad luck. We’ll fly you to Vegas from LA… of course you’ll have your own room. He just wants your company while he gambles, and yes I’m sure there will be time to talk about your music with him.” ~ The female executive assistant to the CEO of a Japanese music company, who invited me to Las Vegas for a weekend. (I was 23 years old and he was 66.)

I was seventeen and a regular on the R&B showcase circuit in LA, when I met one of the singers in the biggest R&B trio at the time. They were full force on tour and on the charts.

After a showcase, “James” (name changed to keep his anonymity) and I were talking – he was complimentary of my voice, my talent – I was excited to hang out and talk with him about my music. A handful of us went back with him and his bandmates to their hotel.

Everyone was hanging out, but “James” wanted to grab something from his room, so we walked down the hall and ended up in his hotel room, alone. As I write this today, even I am asking, “Wendy, what were you thinking... or NOT thinking?!” I didn’t have any sense of self-protection, didn’t even see the danger. I was a very green 17-year-old, and this was 1987 – pre-Law & Order: SVU, pre-Internet; the awareness just wasn’t there, besides, I thought I was there to talk music. I was wide-eyed and passionate, full of dreams to make come true. “James” started to massage my back. I said, “no, that’s not why I’m here;” he tried to convince me to “relax.” I was so uncomfortable and I was a virgin. It was also not, at all, what I thought I needed to do to “make it” in music. I’d been working as a performer since I was eight years old: voice-overs, national commercials, a couple of TV guest spots, singing three nights a week in a club, and writing my own music. I had skills and dedication; isn’t that what it’s about?

“I gotta go. I’ll call you later. I’d really love to get my demo to you…” I did call, and of course, I never heard from “James” again. Years later, I heard many stories of how notorious he was – hiding women on the tour bus, in the bathroom and under the bus with the luggage. Who knows who was there for the fun, the thrill of being with a singer, or hopes of an opportunity. I was very lucky I wasn’t assaulted that night.

Music is where I am strong. It is the place to express my deepest self, tell my truth, and the arena where I received accolades. My voice is a gift I was blessed with, and I dedicated myself to learning it, loving it, and respecting it. I was three years old, when I declared I was a singer and that was what I was going do with my life, and at nine years old, I wrote my first song… it was not a great song, but it did have a solid melody, was brutally honest, and more importantly, I had discovered my passion for writing.

Music was my sanctuary, yet every time I got an opportunity, on the phone, or in a meeting, there was a man telling me that my soul, my being, my gifts, my talents, and everything I put into it, wasn’t enough– I had to offer up sex too.

I was sexually assaulted several times when I was six years old, and again at the age of nine... by fifteen and through my twenties, when I was actively pursuing my music and my career, I unknowingly had PTSD. My guard was up; I had an undercurrent of anxiety and sadness running through me like a river. I was already a warrior and no one was going to take advantage of me like that again. It shut me down and made me vigilant to strong sexual advances... and there were a lot of them, mostly from men 30 and older, while I was just a teen and into my twenties. In a way, so many potential doors were already internally and subconsciously shut by me.

I’ve had many other situations, where opportunities and sex could have been traded, but I couldn’t take that route: The CEO of a Japanese music company, who wanted me to be his “lucky charm” for a weekend in Vegas, the big name music producer, who I was introduced to by mutual friends, who called me at midnight asking me to talk dirty to him while he jacked off so he could cum, meetings that, somehow, always needed to take place after 8pm, and countless

producers, whose advances came before the creative process could begin.

At one point, when I was about 25 years old, I thought, perhaps, I was wrong; maybe I was being prudish or hardheaded and maybe I should say yes. Every opportunity had some sexual component – a date, flirtation, an invitation, an attempted kiss… so I attempted that route. I said yes, once.

I didn’t sleep with the man, but I allowed for the sexual element, and we made out. I had zero interest in him, personally; it was strictly a “business transaction.” The next day, I was recording new songs and I could not sing.

My voice would, literally, not come out.

My throat was so tight as I held back my vulnerability, my self-disgust and pain. I felt like I had killed a piece of my soul. I felt like a prostitute, abused, angry, and taken advantage of… it was my choice, but it was almost the only choice I found myself regretting over and over. I went home, crawled into bed and didn’t get up for three days.

At age 32, I was suicidal and buying a gun in South Central LA. The gap between my dreams and my life was so great, I couldn’t imagine ever reaching any of my goals. My sadness and pain were so unbearable; it was die or change everything. I chose to change everything and I was grateful for my friend Christopher, who spent the weekend with me listening, loving and understanding me, and so grateful my will and the light burning deep inside, was strong enough to have the courage to live. I began my process of healing, voraciously excavating my pain, my wounds, my past and my traumas, because I wanted to heal, to evolve and let go of the burdens that were keeping me from being joyful and my best. I’m so grateful I did and continue to do the work.

I started coaching when I was 20 years old, and had no idea it would lead to a satisfying lifelong vocation, working with incredible artists like Regina Spektor, Sara Bareilles, and A Great Big World – from first voice lesson to a GRAMMY – helping and supporting their process to accomplish their dreams, expand their abilities and stay healthy on tour. I see my role as helping artists cultivate fulfilling lives. I am a coach, songwriter, vocal producer and founder The Artist’s Circle – a monthly artist development event in NY & LA, that supports the process and provides the tools for artists to develop and expand their authenticity, to be genuine, to share, in their own unique way, and to speak their truth with joy, rhythm and a lot of soul.

In The Artist’s Circle and workshops, I led, I share these stories to let artists know, yes, certain circumstances definitely happen and I see the youth, particularly, shocked and afraid. I encourage people to trust their instincts, protect yourself and don’t let someone abuse their power by dangling your dreams, as the carrot, to make you do anything you don’t want to do. We all have the power to shape our career & maintain our integrity.

I am different, as a result of my life experiences, and the people I work with are different. I changed, so my world changed, and I started taking risks I never had before. I am an explorer– a seeker of adventures, and I’ve taken so many – I’ve traveled around the world alone, lived in India (and by India I mean Bombay, which makes New York City look like a ghost town) skydived, galloped through the fields with an ex-racehorse every weekend for two years, and made music in other countries.

I love my career and I work with amazing people of character. AR Rahman and I have

written a number of songs together, one being, “Dreams on Fire,” which is on the GRAMMY Award-winning soundtrack, Slumdog Millionaire. AR is a devout Sufi, and his wife is a powerhouse of a woman, who I admire and adore. Five-time GRAMMY Award-winner, Val Garay, is a beloved man in my life. We have the best time creating, writing, laughing, and arguing over musical choices, and share a great respect for one another. Val’s wife, Nicky, is a smart woman who welcomes me into their home with open arms. These are the type of, remarkable, people I work with.

Perhaps, it took me longer to have some of my successes, or maybe it’s just the path I was meant to take, but I am the one who lives in my skin, with my choices. I chose to be genuine, honor my integrity, and love myself first. The outcome of my endeavors is none of my business – I am my business. My choices, my inner peace, my integrity – that is what I am in command of.

Life truly is a heartbeat – up and down, up and down, yet every moment, every loss, every gain, I am grateful for. I learn, I evolve, I share and I love myself. I am love. I am joy. I am music. I am grateful.

I am.

I

was a recording artist signed to a “record label” and working on my very first album. I had spent years paying my dues performing with my dad in his band as well as recording and writing in studios with producers, and my dreams were finally about to come true. Or so I thought. I learned at a really young age what REALLY goes on behind the scenes in the music industry and about all of the struggles an artist has to go through - the waiting game, the hype, the politics, the egos, the promises, the “I gotchu’s”, the “Trust me’s”, the “I’m gonna make you a big star’s”, the lies, the know-it-alls, the pretend-toknow-it-alls, etc. I could go on forever.

There have been many situations I have experienced, but one in particular sticks out the most for me to share in this book. I was young, ambitious, humble, and ready to work. My love for music was tremendous. Singing was what made me happy, what made me light up! It still does to this day. All I wanted to do was create music and share my gift to inspire people. I had sung in front of a room filled with top record executives, and I was signed on the spot. I literally was not allowed to leave the building until I got my lawyers on the phone. It was a surreal day I will never forget.

Fast-forward to after all the signing hype, and the label execs had started dragging their feet. This was typical label behavior. Time was passing me by, and I was beginning to feel anxious and frustrated. I would complain to my then “A&R” (artist & repertoire) who would always tell me the same old thing. “You good. I gotchu! We gonna make it happen! Trust me!” Oh how these words have traumatized me. I wasn’t buying it anymore, so I expressed my feelings to the man who signed me - Mr. CEO. He assigned whom he called his “Right Hand Guy & Producer” to me. Let’s just say his name was Mr. No One. I was told that Mr. No One was the best and knew

how to make “hits”. I needed to listen to HIM and what HE wanted to do. Say what!? I’m an artist. Any artist will tell you that you can’t tell us what to do! We want the freedom to create and be ARTISTS! True and real artists, songwriters, and musicians want to collaborate and be a part of the creative process. We want to tell our story. We want to be heard! I’m a creator. I’m a musician. You can’t judge a book by its cover, and that was what was happening. I had to prove myself.

I was always iffy because I had never seen Mr. No One make a track or a beat in the studio. He was what I call a head-nodder and Mr. Spirit Fingers when a track was playing. I thought, “Can this guy even play an instrument? Does he really know how to produce?

Or even have an ear for music?” I would ask myself these questions, but of course, you can never question a “Know-It-All-Label-Executive”. So I went with the flow.

I promised to cooperate, listen, and be a team player. I wanted to prove myself to Mr. CEO that I could do this.

I was going to make hits and be a success for the label. I was on a mission, and I was going to do whatever it took to win!

Mr. No One suggested to Mr. CEO that I go to a studio in Miami with him to record under one condition: that I go alone with no parents. “No parents?” I thought. Labels always feel that parents get in the way and try to butt in; when in fact, my parents have only protected me from the industry. My mother understood the business side and my father understood the music side as a musician. They had stepped in as my managers for the time being, so why was I being told to go alone? My dad was always with me in the studio, but I promised to cooperate, listen and be a team player, right? Right. So off I went to Miami.

Once I was in Miami with Mr. No One and another pro-

ducer and writer, there was nothing but drama, arguments, lack of creative freedom, and bad vibes that made me feel uncomfortable. This is the part of the industry I dislike – having to play the game, keep your mouth shut, and do whatever the label wants. I bit my tongue many times.

Things were not feeling right. I noticed how Mr. No One would look at me and sometimes try to be playful with me. “Why is he looking at me like that?” I would wonder.

I stuck it out though because it was an amazing opportunity, and I didn’t want to ruin my chances or lose my record deal. I just wanted to sing, so I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I could do this.

I was doing fine until one night, drama struck again. I was in the recording booth in the studio, and I did not like what I was recording. My ideas weren’t being considered at all. I felt forced, and I was alone, which was extremely frustrating. Mr. No One was really getting under my skin and threatened to complain to Mr. CEO about me. He said that I would lose my deal and be dropped. I was so upset and angry that I left the studio to get away from Mr. No One. The studio was built in a huge mansion, so I ran to where I could hide in one of the rooms where no one could find me. Who did Mr. No One think he was thinking that he could completely control me, tell me what to do, and have things go only his way? He was not only an a**hole to me, but he was also completely disrespectful in front of the other people in the studio! Did they not see this?

I wanted to scream. I wanted to call someone, but who would listen to me or believe what I had to say anyway?

I remember being so upset and crying my eyes out. I was emotionally drained and mentally abused. I was completely delirious. I had cried myself to sleep on a couch in the dark. I was passed out. All of the sudden, I woke up to the pressure of a heavy body laying on top of me and

lips kissing me as I was sleeping! It was Mr. No One! What the @%!? Get off me! Fade to black.

The rest of my trip I was completely numb. I emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. I felt abused. I didn’t know what to do or say. I was threatened again about my career if I ever tried to tell anyone or Mr. CEO about anything that happened in Miami. I was completely lost, weak, and alone. I was helpless.

experienced was something no artist, girl, or woman should ever have to go through. I had been abused.

What were they going to say me now? I didn’t cooperate? I didn’t listen? I wasn’t a team player? All I ever wanted to do was sing and create music. That was my only wish! I was still hurting inside and scared. I didn’t want any problems in the industry. I wanted to put all of this negativity behind me, move on, and start fresh.

Finally, I was free from the drama and free to be me!

I was free to move on to new situations and better opportunities. I was free to create the music I wanted to create and free to be happy! I was free to sing and never look Back, and I never did!

I went on to be featured on Beanie Sigel’s single “Feel it in the Air”, on two Wyclef Jean songs (“Selena” and “Touch Your Button”) on his album “Carnival II Memoirs of an Immigrant”, and on a Latin single When I returned back to New York, I wasn’t myself.

Days later, I found out Mr. No One got fired and tried titled “Rica y Apretadita” by A.B. Quintanilla & The I had changed. I had a dark cloud over me. My attito make up false stories about me. He was a bitter Kumbia All-Starz that went #1 on Latin iTunes. I tude had changed, and I was completely closed off. I man, but the damage had been done. As for me, I toured with Wyclef Jean & The Kumbia All-Starz, built a thick wall and created a mask to hide my true moved on and continued to make music. I was no and then toured around the world with Nile Rodgers self and my feelings. I was hiding from & Chic as a lead vocalist. I’ve sung The Nation“It is not what happens to you in life that mateveryone and not allowing anyone to get al Anthem at Madison Square Garden, Yankee ters, but the attitude you bring into what hap- Stadium, Giants Stadium, and the U.S. Open. to know me and see me for the person I really am. I hid every bit of vulnerability I’ve performed with The Kumbia All-Starz on the pens to you.” and authenticity. I completely shut down.

Alma Awards, Latin Billboard & Sports Awards, - By Unknown I was on autopilot. Bitch mode. and I was also featured on NBC’s The Voice Season 6 on Team Usher Top 20/Top 5.

Then, one night out of the blue, I received an e-mail longer happy at my label either. There was so much sent accidentally by Mr. No One. The e-mail exother drama going on behind the scenes between label I am so humbled and extremely grateful for my jourpressed his true feelings for me, discussed what had heads and other executives that it just wasn’t a posney and all of my experiences. Although the music happened in Miami, and reiterated how I’d lose my itive space anymore for me to grow. I had producer business is a crazy and tough industry, I’ve come a deal if I didn’t do things HIS way. He sounded obfriends of mine in the industry giving me a heads up long way from where I started, and I have let the past sessed. I went NUTS. This man wasn’t going to conthat it was best to leave my label. So my dad spoke to go. I am no longer a victim; I am a VICTOR! I’ve trol my life and take advantage of me! I immediately Mr. CEO man-to-man, dad-to-dad, and requested that rediscovered myself, and I continue to grow. I’ve reacted. This was ALL the proof I needed to show I be released from the label with no worries or hard evolved and opened up, and I NEVER gave up my Mr. CEO and everyone at the label what a fake liar feelings. Sometimes you hear crazy stories about artpassion for singing. I’m still in love with music, and Mr. No One was, and I did just that! I went into Mr. ists being dropped from a label, being shelved with no there is nothing or no one that will ever take that away CEO’s office and showed everyone the e-mail Mr. No chance to get out of their situation/contract, or owing from me.

One sent. The e-mail was so detailed and creepy that money back to the label. Fortunately, in my case, I it immediately made eyebrows raise. This was not a was completely free. good look for the label, and they knew that what I had

H

e constantly reminded me of the importance of maintaining good relationships with people who could get you a job someday. “The industry is ruthless and won’t give you a second chance if you rub someone the wrong way,” he preached. In order to become successful, people sacrifice their time, money, resources, and oftentimes, their dignity. There I was, an innocent young woman in college, thirsty for any insight professional musicians could offer. I craved any bit of advice someone could offer to send me into a successful career as a trumpet player and composer. I was happily overwhelmed with any advice he gave because he was truly a success in the industry, and I was glorified to be in his presence.

work with because she was uptight – a real prude.”

In hindsight, I believe he may have been hoping to cheer me up, but his approach couldn’t have been more inappropriate. My reaction was mild at best. I allowed his gesture to last for about a minute while he spoke about my missing class, and then I continued to casually giggle and move away from him. I tactfully smiled at and agreed with everything he said afterward as I hoped our relationship would be undamaged.

I don’t hold any regret about how I reacted in that moment of confusion and anxiety. There isn’t one right way to handle a situation like that. Stand up and make your voice heard loud and clear when someone treats Time marched on, and our interactions began to leave you like anything less than whom you are. Taking adme feeling uncomfortable. It was only after several vantage of someone who is struggling through a time of months of contemplation that I realized what was makvulnerability is very low. It’s outright disrespectful and ing me feel so uneasy around him. I decided to attend should be acknowledged as such immediately. Regarduniversity in order to develop myself as a respected mu- less of just how cutthroat the industry is, a career is sician, and he was not taking me seriously. As I enthusi- never worth sacrificing self-worth. Additionally, most astically initiated conversations about music, we would men’s threats are empty and will not affect your career. instead talk about what I did over the weekend, how When we say no to these men, we take one step closmuch he loved my new haircut or piercing, or whether I er to a place where respect is mutual and suggestive was still happily in a relationship. My frustration contin- overfriendliness is not permitted. Each time we expose ued. My peers respected me as a strong, talented woman a man who violates a woman’s boundaries and threatens who sat as the only female among a classroom of twenty to ruin her career forever, we women reclaim our rightstudents, yet my professor couldn’t hold a conversation ful place in this world. Because of this experience, I’m with me about the countless questions I had. building a reputation as a strong woman with character and clear principles, who is taken seriously and respectNot only was he disrespecting me, he took advantage of ed for her work. My work speaks for itself, and those a moment when we were left alone in a classroom. That who fail to see past the archaic idea that sex determines day, I informed him of my mom’s passing. He expressed the value of one’s work are, thankfully, going extinct condolences and was then overwhelmed with nervous thanks to women like us. energy. With my back toward him, I reached into my backpack to pull out my laptop. I was interested to As a sex, we’ve progressed immensely over the past hear his constructive criticism on my newest orchestral one hundred years. Whether the Suffragettes who gave piece. He giggled like a little boy, pressed the front of us the right to vote, Barbara Walters paving the way his body against the back of mine firmly, and grabbed for female anchors, or Maya Angelou’s feminist impact my arms. After tensing up more than a tightly coiled through literature, women have made strides toward the spring, thoughts of anxiety raced through my mind. abstract idea of equal opportunity. Let’s continue to be “How do I handle this? He could recommend me for a the change we want to see in the world. job that could change my career forever. If I don’t let him do this, my success could be unreachable. I’ll take a reputation to my grave as the girl no one wanted to

1. Queendom Guard your “Queendom” with your life. A drawbridge left down, can leave you vulnerable to surrounding armies. The moment you let down your defense, predators will strike.

Be mindful of your surroundings, and keep your soldiers on high alert at all times. Build your castle on higher ground; in other words, be smarter than your enemies. Stay armed with reality, perception, intuition and extreme focus, for they are your strongest weapons.

Sharpen these weapons with experience, and always keep your mind three steps ahead of your enemy. Respect his potential to invade your palace, and honor the fact that he is stronger than you. As brave as you may be, physically engaging with your enemy is not a risk worth taking. Conceal your feelings, because if he can see your heart, it will not take much to stab you in it with his dagger. You are a woman, and it is crucial for you to realize that his weapons are unlike yours, his intentions are unlike yours, and his strategy, also, not like yours. He is armed with the weapons of deception, kindness, and manipulation. His words, though painted pretty, are like grenades designed to break down your defense of common sense. The devil will try to keep his intentions at arms length. From this range, he knows your sword can not be drawn. He is very clever and he knows a hug versus a handshake is a good first move. The boundaries of of respect are now much easier to penetrate, and it is a good first step towards breaking down your defenses.

2. A Ballerina in the Room Master the dance. The perfection of a ballerina’s performance comes from years of training and rehearsing well planned out moves. Her entrance is as grand as her exit. Her introduction to each partner is crucial. When dancing with an enemy, it is imperative to quickly identify each partners style. You can not waltz while your partner taps. Master his style and by the time he realizes you’re dancing; the song will be over.

3. The Imaginary Friend During recording sessions or private production meetings in uncharted waters, always keep someone from the outside world in the room. Keep this friend on speed dial and call them as frequently as you need to. Do not send them text messages by the thousands, actually make a conscious effort to call them.

During the first call, give them details on your location and a quick run down of the who’s who in the room. During each conversation that follows the first, remember to keep it short. The goal is for you to be safe, but use your judgment, and do all you can to stay professional in your session. Upon arrival, announce to the room a possible last minute business opportunity that your manager needs you attend soon after you leave your session or meeting. This time restraint on your session or meeting will naturally influence a professional person to get straight to work. It will also influence an unprofessional person to reveal his true nature and intentions.

The very minute you differentiate these two behaviors, plan out your exit strategy. While

working with the professional, I would advise getting straight to work, get as far along into your song or meeting as you can. If you need more time, find a way to announce a change in your conflicting plans. While working with the unprofessional, try your best to push him to stay on task but cleverly announce the need for an earlier departure for the “big opportunity” you announced upon arrival.

4. Moral Compass It is important for us all to remember that everyone’s moral compass does not point in the same direction. As individuals, it is a smart idea to embrace this reality and always be prepared for oncoming traffic. Your east may be his west, and his south may be your north. Do not be surprised, because any and everything is possible when it comes to human behavior. If you were raised to believe in love and respect, do not be surprised when a man that has yet to evolve beyond their basic animal instincts fails to approach you with your ethical and moral standards.

We all know that there are many, many women that willingly throw themselves at men in positions of power. They sit on their laps, have sex on the first day, send nude pics on demand, and they laugh at any and every joke he tells. Honestly, you know this girl when you see her. She is not hard to spot because she walks, talks dresses and thinks out loud. You can spot her a mile away and so can the men they seek. It is actually sad that the men who entertain these women actually need them as fuel for their ego’s to thrive.

It is also sad that because of women like this, men think the same rules apply to the real women with moral standards and ethics. If he can grab the ass of these money hungry girls that approach him by hundreds if not thousands, why would he assume he should treat you any different?

I remember sitting in a room with two male celebrities, and hearing them go back on forth over girls on Instagram, classifying them one girl at a time. One girl was the one they would share with the whole crew, while the higher profile women were labeled as targets. One guy actually said his goal is to tell his grand kids that he fucked all of the Marilyn Monroe’s of his time. He has become programmed to think this is how men and women should treat each other. To him, the idea of love may as well be from the Paleozoic era. Scientists from the movie Jurassic park might as well merge this extinct feeling into the DNA code of a new dinosaur.

When it is all said and done, we all deserve respect and one persons twisted perception of right and wrong does not make the mistreatment of another person acceptable. I just want you ladies to be smart and do not be surprised by the actions of others. Do not move in fear, but please do not assume these issues do not exist and that it can’t happen to you. Keep your moral compass pointing north, and lets all do our part to guide the lost in the right direction.

5. Purpose Looking back, I find the responses I got from a lot of male associates, that I reached out to find our girls for this book, interesting. Many men asked why I would want to create a platform for open dialogue to hate on men. I would like to clarify that this book and the purpose behind its message was never aimed in the direction of darkness and hate. I am a father of two daughters. I am soon to be married to a beautiful and intelligent woman.

I love my mother, I loved all of my grandmothers, all of my closest friends are women, so, I say to all the men who do not understand my purpose, why would I not do this book?

Any man with a daughter has heard the words, “You are going to need to get a gun soon.” Now, why should I need a gun for my daughter to be safe? Who am I protecting her from? If she is truly that at risk, how can I not only stop the attacker, but how can I attack the source? As men, we know how we are, and because we are so in tune with our own behavior issues, when we see a little girl it is our natural instinct to fear the day she encounters her male counterpart. This is a sad truth that we, men, are so afraid of our own behavior issues, that the very idea of our daughters dealing with boys, makes our first thought to kill them all. We know these boys so well, because we know ourselves, and therefore we feel these young men cannot be trusted.

This brings me back to my original point, purpose. At one point in my life I believed my purpose was limited to the art of song. I felt I had no other responsibility or obligation to the world in any other way. During this phase of my life, I was not a father and now, 25 years later, my purpose has evolved in many ways. I am now driven by foresight and constantly guided by forward thinking. Everyday, my thought process must include a positive plan for my daughter’s future.

I encourage everyone to consider life beyond the current moment. As a species we must abandon our quest for convenience and embrace the effort it takes to live up to our full potential. Find your purpose and align it with integrity. There is a gift in embracing the bigger picture. The bigger picture, is where your destiny resides. Focusing on that bigger picture, will allow you to be okay with the bumps in the road that you perceive to be failures. The bigger picture, is that you have to go through the trenches every now and again, walk away from a few people, sever unhealthy ties and get your hands dirty, in order to allow your journey to evolve.

6. Responsibility Do you play a role in supporting and encouraging the poor behavior patterns and attitude that many men have towards women? As you ponder over this question, I would like for you to consider the music you listen to. Do you fuel the relevance of the word “ratchet”? When a song containing degrading lyrics comes on, do you clear the dance floor? Or, do you bend over and pop that ass like there is no tomorrow? Think about it,

if you were a rapper, why would you consider writing a song that respects women? The answer is simple, you wouldn’t. You would realize that the pot of gold at the end of hip hop’s rainbow could only be obtained through glorifying this behavior.

As women, you have not only a responsibility, but, the power to stop endorsing the people who promote the same behavior that contributes to the growing negative outlook that the music industry has towards women. This means two things. One, is that if you are a woman in the industry you have an obligation to create music responsibly. The other, is that if you are a fan of the music industry, you have power as a consumer to change the game. Either way, the fate of many women around the world partially rests in your hands. Just as life begins with you, so does change.

7. Accountability Lately, in my opinion, nudity has become so common that society has become numb to it. It confuses me to see recording artists dressed like swim suit models. What are these artists selling? The idea that sexier means naked, to me, is a very interesting perspective.

Now-a-days, a myth plagues our industry. That myth teaches the up and coming generation, of musicians and artists, that its all about social media numbers. If we looked deeper into this concept, you would find record labels signing female artists for their massive online presence and not for their actual musical abilities. Ass injections and auto tune set the pace of todays radio. Like a bad song stuck on repeat, talent and true artistry seem to take a back seat to pretty face every time. I have not had a single conversation about music with any human being from any walk of life that is satisfied with today’s music.

I have no real desire to criticize the today’s standard of sexy. My view on the sex-based artists of today is simply an observation of behavior and an acknowledgement of cause and effect. When G-strings and bling flood our TV networks and global marketing materials, it causes our young boys to assume this is the key to life. Music is not a parent, but, for many of us, it is one of our number one teachers. You cannot mass market a million photo shopped asses and air brushed faces and expect our young girls to believe there is another way to be beautiful. At the same time, you can not expect our boys to understand values and respectable behavior when they see rappers pouring champagne all over a model for a job for a $500-day rate. I mean honestly, for $500, at a video shoot, you can get some women to do any and everything you want. It’s pretty heartbreaking, but I have seen this first hand, and I am not sure if women who take these jobs will ever gain enough foresight to see the damage this causes to society as a whole.

Honestly human beings do not seem to be very smart at making decisions for the future in any industry. All we can do now is keep putting out positive messages and try to save as many lost souls as possible. Constantly faced with temptation in every direction they turn, most women spend every minute of the day in a mirror making sure the masks society requires them to put on to feel beautiful, are in place. Insecurity is a contagious disease. Women live life with no faith in their natural beauty, which is a part of society that I hate.

For society to make women feel this way makes me afraid. I am afraid for my daugh-

ter to grow up, because I know one day, soon, she will look in the mirror and hate who she sees. She like many women will not be able to walk past a mirror with out feeling a need to double check themselves for flaws. Myself, and a lot of men I know, love the natural look of women. In fact, nothing could be sexier than a woman who is naturally confident.

Accountability is the obligation or willingness to accept responsibility, or to account for one’s actions. Simply put, it is liability. Do NOT be a liability for yourself and your sisters in womanhood. KNOW WHEN TO SAY NO. You do not have to be who, or what, the world or TV tells you that you need to be. You should be an honest portrayal of the woman God created you to be. Be confident in that choice. The world is not designed for things to fall at your feet just because you snap your fingers. Greatness takes time; and no amount of airbrushing, nudity, or make up can make you, and I am talking about the real you on the inside, great. It is one thing to know that you have a responsibility, but, it is a greater thing to be accountable for that responsibility.

“I never wanted to be seen as special, just for being a girl who played music- I just wanted to be treated like a person, and an equal. To me, taking a feminist stand in music isn’t about eliminating male collaborators, it’s about working with the ones with whom you share a mutual respect. If you avoid the ones who treat you as “different,” by patronizing you, manipulating you, hitting on you, or even placing you on a pedal-stool, you free up space in your life for the ones who will see you for you- as a human being. Spend time with the people who already believe in you and make you feel confident and respected, not the ones who make you feel like you need to continually prove yourself. As long as you trust in what you have to offer to the world, you won’t need to bother with those who will make you doubt your own worth.

Sometimes there are hard choices to make in order to stand up for yourself, your dignity and for what feels right in your heart, but in doing so- in choosing to reserve our gifts for the ones who truly respect us, we elevate ourselves and each other so much more.

Stay in tune with the child in yourself and the dream you had, in its purest and most innocent form- and never let anyone take that away from you.”

Amber Coffman

Her Dreams

Her Reality

Some of the most amazing things in life are often overlooked. The mere fact that we live on a giant rock, that spins so fast that it keeps us from floating into outer space, is a daily oversight by most. Often, we overlook special people. Before she was the Oprah Winfrey we all know today, she was demoted from her job as a news anchor, because she wasn’t “fit for television.” Walt Disney, was once fired from a newspaper for “lacking imagination” and having no “original ideas.

Even The Beatles, were rejected, by Decca Recording Studios, and told they had “no future in show business.” Unbeknown to most, failure is, often, one of the greatest setups for success. Great things come to those who wait, and no one understands this better than THE UNDERRATED.

M

y very first job, as a drummer, was in 1999. I auditioned two months prior, was immediately hired and went on tour the week after. At that time, Universal Europe needed a techno band to compete with “The Prodigy,” so the band I joined, received a major push from the label.

We were sent to London to record, what was going to be the European hit single “Rock Me,” which featured vocals of mine. There I was, on my way, on a first-class Eurostar trip, trying not to think too hard about how my life was dramatically changing, one challenge after the other.

After arriving in Europe, I went straight from the station to the studio, where the band and the, Mercury Records, A&R were waiting for me.

The track already had heavy kick and snare, so I came up with the idea of bringing in a tom pattern with flam strokes, which I was pretty good at. I could feel the lustful stare, of the A&R’s eyes, while I was recording. He had that, “I’ve been a drummer myself; let me teach you with a good spanking baby girl,” look, and it made me feel, extremely, uncomfortable. Since I already had a “warrior” attitude, I just ignored him and nailed my take. He couldn’t stand the total lack of attention he was receiving, so he said, “I’m sorry guys, we’re gonna have to do it again; the strokes are not perfect, one is always a little bit late than the other and not as loud.”

Everyone turned to me, and I replied with a big smile, trying to look like a confident person, and said, “Yes, two strokes with a little delay between them, that’s exactly the reason why they’re called “FE-LAM” strokes mister. I’ve been a drummer and I can do regular strokes too, but I think the “FE-

LAM” is way more elegant.”

Everyone laughed, especially the guys in the band, and I could hear some say, “Told you it wouldn’t be that easy with Alix; she’s actually a true musician, not the kind of chick you usually hunt.” The A&R got so upset that, when the session was done and we were about to leave for the hotel, he dropped the key to his room and said, with a big smile, “Pick it up and join me later; somebody has to teach you drumming obviously.”

I remember feeling extremely angry and disrespected. Next thing I knew, I heard myself saying, “If I was a whore, you wouldn’t be able to afford my toenail. I’d probably do somebody with actual power in the record industry,” as I stepped on the key on my way out. That was my first sexist experience in the music business, and definitely not the last.

A couple of years later, I had an established name in the business, as I had signed my first contract with the huge cymbal company, Paiste. I got called to audition for the tour of a famous French rapper, so I took my brand new cymbals and went to the studio, where the production team wanted to meet me. I arrived a bit early and started putting up the drum kit, the way I wanted it. A couple of minutes later, someone walked in, handed me a nurse blouse and a golden bikini, saying, “Hello Alix, put this on for us to see if you physically match the concept of this artist.”

Of course I refused, saying I was there to audition on drums and nothing else. I was then told, “Stop giving us attitude; the only reason you’re here is because you’re good-looking, and we need to see

if your body fits with the concept. We already have ‘real’ musicians to play the music behind a curtain, so we don’t care about your, whatever, drumming. You’ll pretend to play drums and you just have to look good behind the drum kit, period.” I left, speechless.

I, also, remember during a tour, asking for less bass in my monitors, when the sound engineer stated, “You women never have enough bass anyway. The reason why you have that tight ass is because the vibrations got rid of your cellulite; you should thank me.”

I kicked the monitor away, and it fell with a big noise. I knew it would be the only way this guy would take me, and what I was saying, seriously.

Two years ago, I was on tour on a special project where I played drums, a bass line on an Octopad, and sang background vocals. The sound engineer was really into me, but I was really not in the mood, so I didn’t “signal back” to his little hints about how he liked me. One day, his wife and kid showed up unexpectedly, and I could see how uncomfortable he was, as he wondered if I, or anyone else in the band, would tell his wife about his attitude. No one said anything, but the day after, the atmosphere changed. We were all a little bit embarrassed for him, especially me, who realized that his whole charming “dance,” was the lie of a married, frustrated man. I distanced myself even more, however, that was when he started to hassle me, saying things like, “Spread your legs a bit more; you excite me so much,” in my ear monitors, during soundcheck and, even, during gigs. After a week, at soundcheck, I suddenly heard in my monitors, “Mmmm Alix, your ass looks so tight; must be really comfortable in there right?” I dropped my in-ears and shouted out, in front of everyone, “Hey clown sound guy, how about you fuck your wife for a change? Oh wait a minute, she already knows how disgusting you are; that’s why you’re not getting any! So how about working your hand on your tiny bit, since you’re doing shit for us sound-wise; at least you’d become useful, somehow!”

A

E

I

began my journey in music when I was 12 years old, having just experienced my first session at a real recording studio. I knew what I wanted to do for a career at a very early age. I knew I wanted to be an artist, and for me that meant singing and creating music for people. But while my songwriting skills and singing talent were always highly praised, what I didn’t understand then, but have painfully discovered over the years, is the obstacle I’d face because of my physical appearance.

Having struggled with weight for my entire life, I was already beginning my career from a place of disadvantage. By the age of eight, I was already over 100 pounds. By 12, I was well past that. And although I’ve never thought of myself as particularly unattractive, the entertainment industry imposes a nearly impossible standard of beauty onto young women. This is especially acute in the music world. One’s viability, as a female performer, rests almost entirely upon their sex appeal, and ability to inspire envy in women and most importantly, lust in men. At 12, I certainly didn’t fit this description, and I probably never will.

Despite my physical shortcoming, I continued to pursue my goals as an artist. This led me to many exciting places. I wound up in Nashville by the time I was a young teenager. At 15, I already had several demos and one full-length album under my belt, of my own original songs. I had an incredible vocal coach and an, even more incredible, music producer who guided me for many years thereafter.

But what never ceased to be an issue of concern was “the weight.” In vocal lessons, I’d found myself in conversations about a new vitamin I should take, or miracle herb I could try to shed some of it quickly.

Meetings with producers often veered to the topic of “the package” and what steps I could take to improve it and make it “marketable.” I began to notice a pattern. All of the people helping me to further my career were men, and all of them had something to say about the way I looked. While I don’t believe, for one second, any of their concerns were malicious, or sinister in any way, I’m quite certain that if I’d chosen to be an astrophysicist, my mentors would have had very little to say about how much I weighed.

What happens, after repeated negative reinforcement about a person’s appearance, is they begin to internalize it. As a girl in elementary school, I’d already been teased, poked or prodded at for looking a way that was less desirable. I knew I wasn’t neces-

sarily going to get the boy that I wanted, but now, I couldn’t have the career I wanted either– of this, I became more and more convinced. So some years and a move to Los Angeles later, I found myself running along the outskirts of the music business. I was moving further and further away from the dream I’d started out with. I became a personal assistant and began scheduling recording sessions instead of singing in them. I went to sound engineering school, because no one cares what the girl at the console looks like (they’re simply impressed she’s a girl). I was a runner, a production assistant and an intern. I did everything I could to stay in the industry, but placed myself in positions where my weight didn’t matter. For years, I went on like this, however, around the end of 2013, something started to change.

In January of 2015, a model by the name of Tess Holliday sent shockwaves through the fashion world when she signed the biggest modeling contract ever offered to a woman of her size 22 frame. I’d been following Tess’ rise to fame for a few years, after a friend suggested her Instagram feed to me, saying I’d find it “inspiring.” It was clear that a cultural shift was on the horizon, with groundwork already having been paved by women like Angie Stone, Wynonna Judd and Adele.

Attitudes were changing about women’s bodies, and my feelings toward my own were catching up. I graduated from audio school, ended a toxic relationship, and started writing again. I started writing for music libraries, enjoying several placements on MTV, Oxygen, FXX and other networks. But most importantly, I started creating my own music again... after 10 years. And what I ended up creating was more confident, rawer, more honest and more “me,” than anything I’d ever put down. After so many years of self-doubt, I feel like I finally became the artist I was meant to be. She was always in there, but I was so scared she wasn’t thin enough or pretty enough for anyone to see. I had let the insecurities, the men, and the power of that impossible standard, shadow her. As creative women, we can’t let this kind of fear silence us, but instead, we must use our beautiful voices to defy it. I’m not yet where I want to be in my musical career, but I have high hopes for where I can go. To create music that inspires others, we have to first inspire ourselves.

Don’t let anyone’s beauty standards get in your way of that. That’s what I’ve learned... so far.

A

s a young up and coming singer/songwriter, raised in Detroit, I was constantly surrounded by the most amazing female as well as male musical talent. The history of singer and songwriters honed in Detroit was and still is like no other place. At 9 years old after a citywide talent show I performed in, with my live band “Tri Star,” my mother and I met a woman named Cynthia Girty who would become my mentor. She had enjoyed a long career as a singer/songwriter herself and instilled deeply in me the power, strength, and fight needed to establish myself with principle in the music business. Her mentoring and guidance was key to my confidence as a music visionary.

At 16 years old, I met another great mentor of mine, Patti Labelle, who I later co-wrote a single for. Over the years, she gave me amazing advice as a female artist in the business and instilled something inside me that I still hold tightly onto today, which is to stay rooted in your truth no matter what.

Being a female artist and songwriter in the business was harder than I thought. I was signed to my first major label record deal at 15 years old and found that although I was supported greatly as a singer and performer, the support wasn’t the same for my songwriting. In fact, it was opposite, and the reason was “control”. I remember one incident vividly where I was told that a writing session was cancelled and to stay at the hotel and rest. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, a team of male producers and writers were called in to write a new song for me. The next day I showed up at the studio excited and thinking it was a writing session, but instead, I was told to record a completed song that I wasn’t part of creating. After my hurt, shock, and being told my writing was “too mature,” I tried to record the alternative song. The song was extremely sexually suggestive lyrically, and not melodically fit for my voice, so I abruptly stopped the recording shortly after the start. Just like Cynthia and Patti had inspired me to do, I stood my ground in being heard and ended up co-writing a great new song, on the spot, that same day led by my true voice and spirit, which gained a whole new respect from everyone involved and most importantly, myself. As a songwriter and artist, I went on to write and/or co-write most of my own released music projects and features and also for other fellow music artists. I’ve also written a slew of songs and records that were and are currently featured in TV shows and films as well as other media at all levels, including network and studio.

As a female writer in the music business, holding on to your vision and integrity is the most valuable resource you have to navigate through the obstacles you will encounter in pursuit of your goals and dreams. Connecting with and extending support to other female writers is also vital. I believe it is the duty of experienced female writers and artists to mentor fellow up and coming female artists whenever they can. It is, and will always be, a big part of the foundation these women need to preserve themselves. All female music creatives truly are sisters, mothers, and daughters to each other, and with that sense of family and unity, we can all be sincerely embraced and heard.

I

go by the name of Lucky and I am a female music producer from Temple Hills, Maryland. I started rapping at 18 years old, and rapped about my life experiences and my sexuality; I am lesbian. I performed at various clubs in the DC area, in order to create a buzz for myself and a following. After high school, I attended Frederick Community College where I played basketball on a scholarship.

Juggling basketball and school was pretty intense with exams, practices, weightlifting, study hall, games etc... but I still had a passion for music.

Once I was done with college, I went back home and focused all my energy on music. I created a demo package and sent it to “Mr. Executive” from Def Jam Recordings. I laugh at it now, but my demo package consisted of a Polaroid picture of myself, a handwritten bio and a song I recorded on a karaoke machine that I transferred to a cassette tape; definitely not a professional package, however, the talent was raw and you instantly knew I had skills. “Mr. Executive” told me the lyrics were too “controversial” and nobody would ever accept me rapping about being openly gay. He told me I would have to flip my whole image, dress more feminine and rap about being with men, because that was what most women related to, and men did not want to hear an openly gay

rapper because they were not able to fantasize about themselves ever being with me sexually. However, he did tell me I had skills, but my talent was not enough to actually get me signed.

I needed to be the “full package,” and sex sells. The only way I would be able to come out as gay, was if I came out as bi-sexual and rapped about men and women as well, but mainly men.

Either way it was all very frustrating for me.

I definitely was not down with that and I did not allow that to slow me down either. Every chance I got, when I heard a celebrity would be in my city, I would make it a point to be at whatever venue they were going to make an appearance at, in order to pass on my demo. One day, while standing outside of a local record store, hoping to meet Puff Daddy, I was able to meet a representative of Bad Boy Records and gave him a more professionally updated demo package. To my surprise, he actually called me back that same night! Also to my surprise, he never made one comment about my sexuality or trying to change me, for that matter. A couple of weeks later, he called me to come up to New York City to meet him at the recording studio. I met with him and he introduced me to Harve Pierre, and I actually had the opportunity to

rap for him personally. I was extremely nervous, to say the least. I actually froze because I was so nervous, however, I still rapped along my demo for Harve, and was shocked to see him actually rapping some of my lyrics along with me, and him letting me know his favorite parts of my songs! He told me he definitely could tell I had talent, however, he just felt, at that time, that “people were not ready for me.” I know I definitely had strong lyrical content, as far as my sexuality, but it just hurt that I was not able to do what I love to do... what actually came naturally to me. I did not rap about money and cars, because at that time in my life I did not possess those material items. I rapped about what I knew…period.

Sometime later, I made a trip to Los Angeles, California just to walk around to various record labels and submit my demo package. At the end of the day, I made a trip to Priority Records and I was directed by the receptionist to the mailroom to drop off my demo package. Once I got there, a guy in the mailroom wanted to hear if I had skills. He popped my CD in the player and blasted my music. Everyone in the room enjoyed the music and before I left, the guy asked me to follow him upstairs. When I got upstairs and approached an office, I then realized that the “guy in the mailroom” happened to be the head A&R representative for Priority Records, Kevin Faist.

Kevin really enjoyed my music and complimented me on my lyrical talents. He took about five demo packages from me, and promised he would be in touch. About a week after I got back home, Kevin reached out to me, only to hear the same song, “You are very talented, lyrically, however, the world is not ready for you right now.”

By this time, I was really discouraged and felt it just was not meant for me to be a rapper. Nevertheless, over the months, I was able to get

my demo package to a few more people in the industry, Chucky Thompson being one. I continued to hear the same feedback from everyone, “the world is not ready for you.” I even posed as a stripper on amateur night in order to gain entry in a popular Atlanta, GA Gentlemen’s club to meet industry celebrities, hoping to be able to pass on my demo package. Needless to say, I was out of there by the time they called my name to come to the stage! (LOL.) A few years went by, and I decided to form a rap group with some buddies of mine. However, at this time I no longer rapped about my lifestyle within the group. We rapped about the typical sex, money and drugs. I always had to rap about being with a man instead of a woman, which bothered me, but I figured that was what I had to do in order to get signed and to be a part of the group. We were approached by a local record label that was responsible for some DC artists’ success in the music industry. The label liked me so much, that they wanted me to go solo from the group. We all agreed me going solo would be a good look for the group, and I figured this was finally my chance because I was not being told my lyrical content was “too much” anymore. However, the label still wanted to change my image. The image I heard the most was the “Aaliyah” look- a high cut shirt that exposed my stomach with baggy jeans. That was always the only “look” someone ever had for me, and I guess the only box I actually could fit into, based off my appearance and personality. I never signed the contract with the record label, because they were not willing to negotiate. It was basically one of those “sign your life away” contracts, and even at a young age I was not impressed with the “fame.” I wanted to make sure the contract actually made sense for me to sign it.

You know the saying, “if it don’t make dollars… it don’t make cents (sense).” It made no sense

to me to sign a contract, to still be broke. I was doing perfectly fine being broke, without having to be stuck in a contract. Nevertheless, I never signed, and from what I heard, the label is no longer today.

As time went on, I graduated college and began working full-time as a government contractor in the multimedia/Internet technology (IT) field. I made great money, however, my love for music never died. I began to become more intrigued with creating music, rather than rapping. I always played the piano as a kid, classically trained, and taught myself how to make beats. As time grew, I enjoyed producing music because it allowed me to be behind-the-scenes, instead of in front of the camera, which gave me the freedom to express myself through song. I have learned I am more of a “behind-the-scenes” type of person now, so it works for me. I do not have to worry about a certain “appearance,” or being told “the world isn’t ready for you right now.”

Music is universal, whether gay or straight. I am now able to make extra money on the side selling my music online.

I see openly gay entertainers currently out, with a huge following, and some are able to make a living doing it. At times, I think if only things were like they are now, then. I know for sure everyone would know my name. I liked rapping, however, producing is a passion for me, and I guess this was the path I was chosen to take instead of the rap career. I believe, in my heart, that the time is now. I learned a lot growing up, trying to make it as a female rap artist, but I never stopped being who I am and what I was born to be. We all have a purpose in this world, and I know in my heart it was meant for me to be a music producer. The world is more accepting now, and I just hope everyone is ready for me!

I

remember when I was young, I would sing just for fun. I never wanted to be a “star;” I wanted to become an artist.

I would draw things in front of me, things from my imagination and I’d sketch outfits that I wanted to create one day.

My mum enrolled me into such theatre schools as, BLA Theatre School, Mick Jagger Theatre and Sylvia Young. I remember going to class and seeing all these girls who were beautiful and so talented, and I wanted to be just like them. I wanted to walk with their confidence, sing with the same passion they had, and just be, allround, perfect.

At 16 years old, I had my first music manager, who was the former manager of the UK girl group, ‘Mis-teeq.’ She was the first person to tell me I was too overweight

to be able to sing and sell records. I called my mum and cried the whole way home. I remember getting a personal trainer afterward, but I still had people making comments, all the time, about my weight. It was like I couldn’t win; I was either too fat or too skinny. That moment I realized my music career wasn’t going to be just about my voice. Often, guys would say, “you’re light-skinned; you have the look,” “your voice is great; it’s not too black, so your gonna sell records,” which always made me feel uncomfortable, and still does now.

It’s a shame that talent isn’t the only thing that’s needed anymore. It’s about how many followers you have, how fat your “arse” is, the size of your breasts, the amount of skin you are willing to show, allowing men to flirt with you so you can get your work done, and, perhaps, sleeping

your way to the top... which some girls think they have to do.

To survive the music industry, you have to be a fucking bad bitch through and through– from your talent, to making sure your body is on point because sex sells, to making sure you’re business savvy, and most impor-

tantly knowing your worth.

I’ve been in and out of management and deals, I’ve toured the country and performed overseas, supported artists like Miguel, B.O.B and Keri Hilson, had crazy hits online, and had the biggest DJ’s play my songs…

And I’m still pushing.

I’ve learned to be 100% myself, because people aren’t stupid; they can spot a fake when they see one. Also, people’s opinions of me don’t really matter anymore, unless I really value what they have to say. As long as I’m happy and doing what I love, I’m gonna keep it moving.

LOVELLE

S

ince I was 17 years old, I’ve been in and out of different recording studios in Los Angeles, working with predominately male producers and writers.

I’ve been very lucky to have met each and every one of those producers and because of them, I am, where I am in the industry today. Being an Asian-American female, in the industry, has been a plus; it has made me stand out from the crowd.

There were times during studio sessions, where my opinion didn’t matter, and because of this, I’ve never felt like my work was ever good enough. I would get asked for an opinion, but since my opinion would never matter, it almost felt like I was being ignored half the time. This made me doubt my work and prohibited me from falling in love with my songs. As time progressed, I started to step up my game by speaking up during sessions, instead of being ignored.

This allowed me to have a voice in the studio, become more noticeable and have my opinions taken more seriously.

My advice to any up-and-coming female songwriters is too speak up; definitely let the people you are working with know that you matter, that your opinion matters.

When you feel like you are being ignored, step up and repeat yourself to make sure you are being heard. Make your talents known, and you will, definitely, be treated right by everyone.

I

try to do my best to remain positive when it comes to the topic of women navigating their way through the, male-dominated, music industry. I, also, try to be as honest as possible for the young woman reading this, who is deciding whether or not to pursue a career in this industry– do not be surprised by the misogyny you may, often, encounter.

I started doing music, professionally, when I was 20 years old, in Atlanta, GA. I was fortunate enough to have some really great people around me– men and women– to guide and help me develop a strong business-sense about music, which I still have today. I am, now, 36 years old, with 16 years under my belt in this industry.

Throughout my career, I’ve sat in meetings and recording sessions, with men of lesser credibility and experience than myself, and my input was still (often) completely undermined. It’s not because they didn’t think I was talented... they wouldn’t have wasted their time with me if they hadn’t seen my talent… it was simply because I was a woman. I had a guy tell me that, although, he respects me very much, he prefers to have certain professional conversations with men (as if their input is, automatically, more qualified). Other times, the disrespect has been more explicit. At one of my band’s shows, the male announcer introduced every man in the band enthusiastically, and by his correct name, but he introduced me as “Sexual Chocolate.” I could go on for days with these kinds of stories. It is unfortunate, when you grow sick of accepting such blatant dismissal and insults and stand up for yourself, you’re labeled a diva, which is essentially the equivalent of being called a bitch.

As promised, the positive part...

Understand, that it is not your fault. It is how these men have been conditioned. If I can give any advice, it would be to educate yourself. Discover who you are as an artist, and learn your voice. Know what you’re capable of, and work on the things you’re not. Define who you are, as an artist, before they tell you who they expect you to be, and speak up and repeat yourself if you need to be heard.

Understand, that even though it may be a male-dominated business, a strong woman can still carve out a space for herself, much like Beyoncé, Lauryn Hill, Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, and all of the great female artists before them, have.

T

here are so many stories I could tell, about people in the entertainment industry, particularly the music industry, but I think that’s the reason it is what it is today; it’s full of secrets. You want to be a “secret keeper” because it makes you feel like you’re a part of something big, like you are in the inner sanctum of something really special.

Over the years, I have learned more than I ever thought I would. There have been many tears of happiness, and many tears of defeat. You learn to love the extreme highs, and power through the disheartening lows. It’s a whirlwind every single day, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, be-

cause in the end, you get to create something really special, that is so meaningful to you and to so many other people. Music is a universal language that everyone can speak, which is the reason I do what I do, and love what I do.

Gaining a deeper level of understanding about who I am, is something I will definitely take away from all of my experiences. In times of vulnerability, when you’re striving for acceptance, you tend to get tainted by what other people are doing. You want to sing like Mariah Carey, dance like Michael Jackson, and have Beyoncé’s fierceness, but throughout that, you forget to be you.

There are a lot of people that will have different ideas and opinions on who you should be and how you should look. They will try and mold you and push you down paths you don’t, necessarily, feel is right. A lot of the time, your naivety will let you get pushed in the wrong direction, believing that it might lead to something bigger and better, but success really begins when self-belief and honesty, about who you are, starts. You are your biggest fan. Learn to believe in yourself wholeheartedly, trust yourself, protect yourself, love yourself and respect yourself; everything else will fall into place.

B

eing a creative individual isn’t easy; being a musician is even harder, so being a woman who is creative and a working musician is a very crafty task. In all of my ten years of working as a professional songwriter, I have experienced ups and downs. The downs…well… they can be downright humiliating, all the while being perceived as “normal behavior” in the industry; not because it is, actually, normal, but because you are a woman and that’s “just how it is.” There are many phases you encounter, as well; there’s the “hungry and totally naive” phase, then the “I’m angry as hell” phase, until maturity, or the constant “crash and burn” syndrome, pushes you to more positive and alternate routes.

The entertainment industry has always made the women involved, subliminal second-class citizens. I started off in this industry with a songwriting partner. I was pretty green and knew my friend (a guy) had way more experience, socially and professionally.

He had been featured in a film and was making his rounds, so we set out for a takeover. As soon as things got good, I began to be referred as the “sidekick,” and it was stated, in my absence, that he was the “brains of the operation.” I had contributed just as much work and effort as he did, but was still considered the “help,” which felt condescending and belittling. Here I was thinking he would represent us equally, however business affairs and discussions were conducted without me. It was my first glimpse into the subculture and division of women in the industry; we’re good enough for ideas and singing, but not business.

There are countless moments I can remember; experiencing the betrayal of some-

one, you’re actually interested in, personally and musically, and that person using that against you.

Let’s be honest, there are times when the energy is so high, in a studio, that an attraction is formed, but that connection isn’t to be bartered for a “track “ or opportunity; it’s to appreciate that moment. I have witnessed many girls/ women lose deals, songs and opportunities when they didn’t want to “engage” in certain behavior.

These were talented women who gave themselves, not as a pawn, but because they were convinced these men had their best interest at heart and wanted to see them succeed.

The lesson, in all of this, is to see these things in advance.

To trust your instincts and create real relationships with other women who are in more of control of their careers and have experienced the industry, enough, to offer alternate routes to take or choose. This issue has to have a united front or the complaints will just get drowned out by the noise.

My body isn’t for barter, is a great motto.

have always been attracted to music. As a child I would sit in front of the guitar in the hallway and pluck the strings; and just listen to them ring out. The old upright piano held so many thoughts in simply one key. My parents were always playing music on the stereo, everything from Metallica, Garbage, to Eric Clapton, Dave Matthews Band and even movie soundtracks and classical albums. I will never forget, when I was 12, my dad bought me my first drum set. It was a starter-set navy blue Pearl Export.

That was the beginning of my musical journey.

I

mix. I named the band and, even though I was just the drummer, I had co-written the songs with them as well.

At 18 years old, I moved to Los Angeles for a band that never came to fruition. However, that experience taught this little homeschooled girl a lot about choosing a career as a musician. Unfortunately, it’s not all about talent. Especially, when you are a female and looked at for sex appeal as well. On the other hand, there is also the occasion where being too physically appealing can work against you. I have auditioned for bands where I did not get picked, simply because I was a girl, and they felt the attention would be more focused on me than the singer. In either case, talent, alone, was not what they were evaluating.

What felt like nothing more than an eyelash stuck in my eye, quickly, by that evening, had turned into something much worse. I had developed a white spot on my pupil and was losing vision.

A doctor, at the urgent care, told me something I thought I’d never hear in my life. “You’re going blind,” he said.

“I need you to go to the ER tonight or you will lose it.” I spent the next month and a half going to doctors and trying to save my eye. A piece of wood scratched the cornea and got stuck. While recovering I had to wear an eye patch and quite frankly without it, I was a little scary to look at.

Female musicians get picked on quite a bit. It often feels like it’s the boys you have to prove yourself to, and the girls you have to watch your back for. I once had an all-girl original rock band. I auditioned musicians to find the right combination of looks and talent. I wanted someone that a little girl could look up to and say, “I want to play like her.” A girl that could, easily, kick it with the boys, yet could be confidant and inspiring to the ladies. I thought I had found the right

Two weeks after the incident I was able to get back to normal life, aside from looking like a pirate. My guitar player came to visit me during this time. She seemed sweet with her words and concerned but, a few days later, she told me something that didn’t even seem real.

“You’re just not pretty enough to be in the band anymore, Emily.” These words hurt more than you could imagine. Maybe I’m crazy, but I think a pirate drummer would have been awesome.

One day, at a rehearsal, I noticed my drumsticks were getting frayed and splitting at the top. I said aloud, “Hey guys, let’s make a trip to Guitar Center, I’m going to need new sticks soon…” and we continued along to the next song. My drum set was sitting in a bay window.

Something outside, on the right, caught my eye and on entrance to the downbeat I had swiped my eye with a loose piece of the drumstick.

We had showcases coming up for a few labels, and her concern turned from being girls who could actually rock, to girls who look like over-done Barbies.

Don’t get me wrong- I love Barbies, but I was more focused on an over-all package and inspiration, than girls pretending to play and wearing barely anything. Before I knew it, everyone in the band was replaced with someone who “looked good” and, somehow, we had this management from London that wanted a “sexy band”.

Apparently, a lot had happened while I was in the hospital. My girl power band turned into, merely, an eye candy for men. Lingerie – I mean outfits, included. I wouldn’t have minded this, as much, if there were actual talent and decency involved. My discomfort with this created an argument with the guitar player, who thought this was her “last chance” so she had to take this route or there was nothing else. The last thing she said to me was, “I’m going to make sure you never have a music career.”

She was right. She ruined a lot of opportunities for me. But over what? Because I didn’t take the easy way out? If we were getting offers that early in the game, we should have just waited, rather than letting someone change who we were and what we were about.

The thing about it is, never burn a bridge with anyone. You never know who they might be tomorrow. We are girls, we get discriminated against, which is all the more reason that we should help raise each other up. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not good enough or that “you’re up next, because the guy playing now is too loud.” I used to get offended by that comment but nowadays I think it’s funny.

When I tell people I play drums, I often get laughed at. I’ve had more than a few instances where these people will re-introduce themselves, with a different attitude, when I get off stage. So, it’s kind of entertaining to me when men look at me and go, “Seriously? YOU play drums?” because I can’t wait to prove them wrong. It makes me work even harder.

I

t was the end of 2011 when I told myself I would turn over every rock to become the dopest female mc in the hip hop industry. I didn’t have a plan, but I had a pen armed with a message. In my heart, I knew that being a woman would be one of my biggest obstacles so I decided to get some tools under my belt by going to school for audio engineering and the business side of music. By June 2012 I was enrolled in The Los Angeles Film School recording arts program learning to be an audio engineer and record my own music, however I was not experienced in recording and needed to work with other artist to learn the ins and outs of getting shows and studio time. It was crazy when I noticed not only on the mc side, but even on the audio engineering side how out numbered we women are being I was only 1 of 4 girls attending orientation in a room full of roughly 200 students. I knew the battle was just beginning.

I excelled in school, but trying to get studio time and shows was a challenge because all the nonsense so called “producers” would hand to you just because they wanted to talk to you or thought they could hit if they had a good enough lie to tell. Knowing this would be an issue either way, I figured I would have to work harder and rap harder to make it clear I was serious about my business. Most of the time it didn’t make a difference, the people who could really pull some decent strings were used to females who would fuck for an opportunity so when they noticed my disposition they wouldn’t give me a shot because I was talking about prospering as a woman and generation, rather than sexual bars and using a sexual image to become popular.

My first project I recorded was called “Ladies First”, I paid a producer and friend to the family to record and mix it for me. I never released the project listening to criticism about how I wasn’t ready, or It’s missing something. I was too naïve in my craft to understand people are going to say anything if you are not doing what they think you should be doing. I learned quickly its best to go with your plan and stick to the message in your heart, not what other people think or have to say, that’s what makes an artist special. It became discouraging and disappointing, watching this cycle of sexism and stupidity which ignited my fire even more, that’s when I began working on my first Independent project I released called “The Appetizer”. I decided it would be one of three, “The Appetizer”, “The Entrée”, and “Dessert”. Through these projects I will send a message that is clear to all haters and wack ass music industry people who ignore raw talent in so many women just because they couldn’t get any action. These projects will be the voice for the people who come from poverty, the women who are treated differently because the way they look, people who face discrimination and are bound by societies inbreeded self hatred, we will prevail.

F

airy Tales, mirror shows and gumdrops would pretty much describe my younger self in a nutshell. I was always surrounded by unconditional love, and yes, one would say I was sheltered. At one point in time, I would have even put my last dollar on the fact that Santa Clause was real, and that I even saw him fly away from my house with his reindeer and sleigh. With this kind of imagination, it was only right that I would be an entertainer.

During college, I met a guy who was very talented, not too bad on the eyes, and who had a great fashion sense. To an outsider looking in, he had the world at his fingertips, great connections, money behind him, and even a solid label. He was truly on his way to becoming a well-known artist, and I looked up to him for that.

Being from the same city, we kind of knew the same people, but we were never really acquaintances until I received a Facebook message from him asking me to sing a small part on one of his records. At this point, all I knew about recording was a USB blue microphone and musical theatre. The idea of being in a real, professional studio excited me, and I excitedly agreed. After working together, we stayed in touch, and a few months later, I asked him to help me record a pop record I wrote.

This catapulted into a full-blown working relationship. The chemistry was so good that we decided to become a singing duo. We ended up touring Asia twice, had major radio play, and were truly on our way to the top. All was well on the outside, but on the inside, I was miserable. I felt trapped because it “seemed” we were so close yet I was not happy. He became controlling, verbally and mentally abusive, and a very angry individual. His actions resulted in unnecessary situations, arguments, pushing and shoving, etc. I mean I loved “What’s Love Got To Do With It”. Heck, Tina Turner is my idol, but I never once thought I would live a similar story. I lived in secrecy about these events, and I felt so low. I was told so many times, “You are tone deaf. You won’t be anything without me. Anything you do musically, consider yourself black-balled.” The good ol’ fear tactic is what I call it. However, no one can stop your true destiny but you.

One day, I woke up and yearned for that fairytale Santa Claus loving girl named Paris.

That day, I told myself, “This is not life, and this is not living.” I no longer wanted what I had spent 3 years helping to build. It was corrupted and unhealthy, and I thank God for giving me the strength and vision to move on. If I took anything from this lesson in my life, it’s that God never wants you to be a part of something that was built to destroy you. Your talents will always make room for you. Never sacrifice your well-being, innocence, or soul for anyone. “Acknowledge Him in all that you do, and He will direct paths.” - Proverbs 3:6 “Just simply believe in yourself. That small gesture is the most powerful gift the universe gave us”. – PA’R Anderson

WARRIOR

M

otionless, a woman stands fearlessly on the front line of her family’s defense. Longing to live, but willing to die. She fights for the future of her sister’s dream. Unintimidated by threats, undeterred by ultimatums from the enemies that surround her. She is a WARRIOR, and she knows her bloodline is worth fighting for.

Written by: Devine Evans

Presentation is everything. This is no secret to most people. It is a natural human behavior to, impulsively, act on a situation when it is presented perfectly. Since childhood, we are conditioned to fall for this tale as old as time. Think about it. When you go to a store, such as Target, with careful consideration, you select all of the items you need and place them in your cart. However, upon your arrival at the check out lane, you are presented with perfectly packaged items, that you may not necessarily need, but they appeal to your impulsive senses. “I might as well grab that chocolate bar while I’m here.” You tell yourself. Meanwhile, as the cashier displays your total on the register, they offer you one final thing, 10% off of your purchase today, and future purchases, if you sign up for a credit card. Now, after having spent the extra money on extra items in the check out lane, 10% off of your, now higher, total doesn’t sound so bad. So you impulsively enter into an agreement that you otherwise would not have, because Target had an AGENDA. You will learn in the pages to follow, why this chapter is befittingly titled, THE AGENDA. This is the first type of man we will meet on our journey through this diary.

Beware of the man with THE AGENDA. This is the guy that seems very sincere in the beginning. He says all of the right things, and he offers to help you musically and personally. This man will do all that he can to earn your trust, by appealing to your impulsive nature. His presentation will be grand, it will be exactly what you think you need, all of your hearts desires in beautiful packaging with a big red bow. However, as you approach the check out counter, he will begin to reveal his ulterior motives. He played you all along. From the moment he met you; he learned you, and he used what he learned you wanted, to get what he really came for.

M

y name is Chris Loung, and I am a guitarist, singer, songwriter, writer, and director.

I was born and raised in Paris, France, but I now live in the United States.

One day, I received a phone call from one of the most gifted British musicians and artists. It had always been a dream of mine to work with this artist to the point that I carried a newspaper cutting of his photograph and one of his most famous quotes about music in my handbag for 2 years. He is regarded worldwide as an undisputable genius and virtuoso. What he was saying on my voicemail was so unbelievable that I started to think it was certainly one of my English friends making a joke. He asked if I could call him or his agent back as soon as possible and let him know if I could join his team of musicians in a studio in the UK for the recording of his new jazz album. He asked me if I was available to co-write one or two songs with him as well as if I could sing one of them as a duet with another famous singer/songwriter.

A few months earlier, his chauffeur when he is touring in France, whom is a friend of mine, was driving the virtuoso back to his hotel after a show.

The chauffeur was listening to the demos of the album I was working on at the time, and suddenly, the virtuoso turned and asked my friend to turn up the volume so hear could hear the music better.

Excited, he asked who it was, and my friend proudly explained that it was a good friend of his. The virtuoso asked for my contact information, and my friend called me the day after to explain what had happened. Feeling blessed and encouraged that such an incredible musician had enjoyed listening to the project I was working on, I thanked my friend for playing him the demos. We shared a laugh as we realized the fact that this artist may simply forget and never even call.

A few months later, after I had completely forgotten about the encounter, I received a missed call from the virtuoso. There I was, now calling back the virtuoso to thank him for his encouraging and kind message about my demo and also to discuss more in detail about his invitation to join the songwriting and recording of his new jazz album. Only a day after I had called him back, everything had been arranged by his agent for me to join the recording in the UK. I sat, a few days later, writing songs alone in my own suite in a prestigious recording studio near Bristol, where many of the world’s legendary musicians had also stayed and recorded. It felt like I was in a dream. Moments later, my dream was interrupted by knocking on my door. I was so concentrated on writing the songs that I wasn’t really interested in answering the door. The knocks then became insistent, and I thought it might be the virtuoso himself. Maybe he needed to share some new thoughts about our current songwriting experiment. When I opened the door, it was actually the pianist who had been playing with the virtuoso for years. I, politely, explained to him that it was really not a good time to talk because I was in the middle of writing the songs that needed to be finished for the next day. I asked what the reason for his unexpected visit was since he too was working on the record with us all.

The pianist apologized as he made his way into my room as if he had not heard what I had just said when I had opened the door. Backed by the confidence over his connection to the virtuoso, he definitely used a bit of manpower to enter my room. His attitude was now somewhat pretentious, but I still gave him the benefit of the doubt that he only had good intentions. I am naturally shy, and at that time, I was so preoccupied with my writing process that I didn’t immediately realize how pushy and rude this guy was really being. I was not expecting such an

encounter only a few hours after I had arrived. Considering where I was and whom I was working with, I assumed a situation like this would never happen and an environment of professionalism would be upheld.

Uninvited to do so, the pianist then sat on my sofa and started to explain to me that he felt a strong desire for me as soon as he had met me a few hours earlier.

He expressed that he was really hoping we could spend some time together as soon as I finished writing. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing!

I firmly asked him to leave immediately, and I told him that I was quite upset that he dared to disturb me with such an unwelcomed intention, especially since his unexpected visit had absolutely nothing to do with what we were all here for – writing and playing music together. I made clear that I would appreciate if he would not come back again unless it was concerning the recording. He grabbed his glass of wine he had already set on my writing table, and I noticed the wedding ring he was wearing on his left hand.

During the next day’s recording session, the pianist was rough with me at any occasion. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable, and consequently, it was very difficult to work. He was obviously frustrated to have been turned down the night before, and he had fun all day telling bad jokes about French women that suggested they may not be as hot as some say. I made a conscious effort to shut down my emotions and turn off my ears the whole day. Of course, I couldn’t share the previous night’s incident with the virtuoso. He was so kind, and the last thing I wanted to do was to pollute his soul during the recording of his album. Also, he didn’t really know me, and everything had happened so fast. I feared that he may doubt my professionalism if I brought up such a story only a day after my arrival, especially since he had been working with the pianist for so long. So, I kept my mouth shut and did my job to the best of my ability given the awkward atmosphere. The virtuoso never realized what was going on and only expressed how happy he was that everybody

was getting along so well, even while performing. I felt that it would have been selfish to spoil his happiness and generous invitation.

since he always seemed very friendly towards me at every step of my collaboration with the artist he was then still representing.

A few weeks later, the virtuoso’s agent called me to talk about the publishing agreement, and I gave him the contact of my music lawyer. He also asked if I would be willing to do some live shows in Europe for the album release. I was ecstatic, but I still had my experience with his pianist in the back of my mind. I decided then that if I ever had to play live with the pianist, I would make sure to stay as far away from him as possible.

On the last day of his weekend stay, I met the agent at my friends’ apartment so he could give me back their keys. He asked if I could walk with him to the Eurostar train station because he had something very important he wanted to tell me about. While walking, he explained that he and all the virtuoso’s musicians were preparing a surprise for a special concert and were hoping that all the people involved on the album could be present on stage for it. The album was going to be released in Germany and the event was going to be held at the Hamburg Opera House. He asked if I would like to be part of the surprise and insisted that, if I could make it, the virtuoso would be so happy. I thanked him very much for his consideration and trust and for offering me a part in this very special occasion.

He said it only made sense, but there was only one thing that may be a problem. I would not be paid for the performance because apparently the virtuoso had a hard time giving away his money. He jokingly said the virtuoso was a real tight guy to which I responded that it was not a problem. I already considered it such an unexpected privilege to be on his album, and because of that, I couldn’t have cared less about money.

To be invited to sing live at the Hamburg Opera House with the virtuoso was the icing on the cake! The agent carried on and expressed that he liked my attitude. He then disclosed that the virtuoso had actually just told him that he wished to introduce me to the people of his prestigious music label, regarding a possible deal for my album. He continued by saying, that his role as an agent was to make things easier for the virtuoso by making sure his dearest wishes could be heard and accomplished, and that this concert would be the perfect occasion to do so.

At the end of our conversation, the virtuoso’s agent explained that he owned a house in France and asked me if I could do him a little favor. His French was bad, and he was having a hard time talking with his architect who was also French. He very politely asked if I could translate some questions for him, which to me was no big deal. He was appreciative of my help, and his questions for the architect were finally able to be understood and answered.

A week later, the agent called me back again. His tone was noticeably more friendly than professional this time, and he told me that he was planning to come to Paris for the weekend. He asked if I knew anyone who would rent an apartment out to him during his stay and expressed that he didn’t really like staying at hotels, since he was already living in hotels most of the time when touring with the virtuoso. I kindly obliged, and he stayed for free in the apartment of a couple of my friends who were conveniently away for a few days. In spite of their absence, my friends generously arranged everything for his stay to be unforgettable. When he arrived, I welcomed him at the Eurostar and took him to the apartment where I handed him the keys. At his request, I had prepared for him an itinerary of museums, restaurants, and other landmarks. I was simply trying to be a good ambassador of my country and culture. It was so natural for me to do that, especially

I explained to him that my only reservation about the trip was that I could not afford the cost of my flight or hotel expenses at that time. He told me not to worry

about any of that! He suggested that we could share his room and told me I would have my own suite and that there would be plenty of space for us both. Given my past experience, I felt really uncomfortable at the thought of sharing a room with this man, and I politely refused the offer by saying I would find a way to book a cheap hotel nearby the opera house. He assured me that he would make sure I was reimbursed for my expenses after the concert, and went on to say that however I made it happen would be worth the effort, given what this opportunity could do for my career.

As an agent, he was convinced that it was an opportunity that me, or any artist for that matter, should never turn down. How could I have doubted the wise words of the man representing such an illustrious genius? I felt very lucky to be guided by such a professional.

I had not a penny in the bank at this moment of my life, but I agreed that it was unreasonable for me to refuse such special invitation. In addition, I had never performed on the stage of a classic opera house and an amazing opportunity like that could very well not happen again.

A few hours later, I spoke about the invitation with my fiancé who is also an experienced musician and songwriter. He was skeptical about the agent’s offer and said that he found the scenario to be really weird. He immediately questioned if I was really invited by the agent himself or truly as a surprise for the show and for the artist. He asked why my travel expenses would not be covered beforehand since this collaboration was all very professional with competent, high profile music lawyers involved and a serious publishing deal. He also questioned why such a prestigious and internationally acclaimed artist would not want to pay another fellow musician for a live performance, especially given my current status in the industry. These questions certainly made a lot of sense to me, but my joy over having the opportunity to be performing live alongside an artist I admire and respect so much was much stronger than any apprehension. My fiancé declined my offer to come along with me and said that

we couldn’t afford to both go at this time. He agreed that despite his concerns, I had to go perform, and he offered to pay for the flight expenses from London, where we were then living, to Hamburg, Germany. We also found and booked a cheap hotel nearby the opera house.

When I landed in Hamburg, I started to have a strange feeling, which grew stronger when I first spoke to the agent upon my arrival. He sounded rough and said he was sorry but no one could pick me up at the airport.

Apparently, the virtuoso was currently using his driver.

He suggested that I take a taxi. He had obviously completely forgot about what I had told him in Paris about my present financial situation. I was shocked and disappointed, but I kept myself happy by thinking about how I would be performing live later in the day. I didn’t want to be a problem for anyone, nor did I want people to know about my financial woes. Nevertheless, I thought the agent might have been stressed out from overseeing the entire event. He certainly had a lot to do, and I didn’t want to add to that stress by pushing for favors. I was still just grateful that he had offered me the opportunity to perform. I had no doubt that the agent would later realize his rough attitude towards me. He had always been friendly and respectful with me, so I figured there was nothing to worry about. His present stress had nothing to do with me.

When I arrived at the hotel, I took a nap before starting to get ready for the concert. I called the agent again to ask what time he wanted me to arrive for sound check.

With the same cold tone as when we previously spoke, he explained very briefly that there was a change of plan, I would not be performing, and that nothing had ever been confirmed anyway. He said I could pick up my backstage pass at the entrance and hung up shortly after, giving me no chance to argue about the matter. I couldn’t believe what was happening!

Completely shocked by what I had just heard, I suddenly felt very sad, stupid, and humiliated. I was feel-

ing so bad that I couldn’t even share all these mixed feelings with my fiancé who kept calling to ask how things were unfolding and if I was okay. At this point, I didn’t even want to go to the concert anymore, but I finally decided to go. I was in Hamburg alone with no other plan, and I still wanted to go and at least enjoy the virtuoso’s music and incredible live performance. I desperately needed to see something positive about the trip.

The show was of course fantastic. It ended with a long-standing ovation as usual. As good as the show was, I was feeling very much out of my own body.

I hadn’t completely, yet, understood what had really happened and why plans and the agent’s demeanor had so suddenly changed. I chose not to go backstage even though I had an all-access pass that enabled me to do so. On my way out of the opera house, I found myself face-to-face with the virtuoso’s wife who, like her husband, was very humble and kind. She warmly hugged me and said what a wonderful surprise it was to see me. She obviously didn’t know anything about the agent’s behavior either. She said her husband would be absolutely excited and touched by the fact that I came all that way to see the show. She said he loved and respected me very much and thought I was a very talented and courageous artist. She then asked why I hadn’t told her or the virtuoso’s agent that I was coming and said that they could have arranged for me to perform at the event.

It felt as if she had just pushed the knife already planted deeper into my heart.

Before I could even say a word, some of her acquaintances appeared exclaiming how blown away they were by her husband’s performance. She turned back to me and kindly apologized for the interruption. She explained that she was about to be very busy greeting people, but she wanted me to join them all for the after show dinner and party in their hotel suite. She said she would meet me there so we could properly catch up.

Obviously, it was really not the best time to tell her why I had come in the first place. She quickly gave me the address of their hotel and their room number then went back to thanking and greeting more attendees.

There was still no sight of the agent anywhere to this point.

I found someone at the reception that was able to give me directions to the artist’s hotel, which ended up being only a short walk away. When I arrived at the suite, it was already filled with happy and drunk people.

Friends, long time fans, journalists, agents of all sorts, and label heads all gathered to celebrate the night’s performance. I was really not in the mood for a party, and I quickly spotted the agent who appeared happy and relaxed. I walked over to him and asked why exactly he wanted me to come. He responded by telling me not to be upset and reminded me that I didn’t come for nothing because I had got to experience an amazing concert as well as attend the after party. He told me to just have fun. I confronted him about our discussion in Paris, during which I specifically told him about my poor financial situation and reminded him that he insisted I come for the opportunity to perform. He looked at me sarcastically and denied everything with no shame.

The pianist of the virtuoso then came over to us with another musician. This was the same pianist who had tried to push his luck in my room at the recording studio in Bristol a few months before. Interrupting my dialogue with the agent, both said their hellos and expressed how good it was to see me. I quickly understood that the organized surprise was a ploy. They carried on joking with the agent who eventually told them that I was unhappy because I thought I would be performing at the concert. He informed them that he had offered for me to stay with him in his suite since I could not afford to pay for my own hotel and that I declined. The agent and the two other guys then started to laugh like crazy. I still could absolutely not believe what was happening. It all seemed surreal. It was clear

that my coming and involvement had been a private joke shared between these three men. I turned to the agent and told him how disgusting and twisted his attitude was, and I walked away.

experience. The empty-promise making agent and the disrespectful pianist have in fact offered me a precious gift. I am now extremely cautious no matter who may be involved in projects I am working on.

On my way out, I was able to see the virtuoso who was, per usual, very gracious of my presence. I didn’t have the heart to fill him in on what I was going through at the hands of his agent, plus, he was surrounded by people. I discretely thanked him for the amazing show and made my way to the bathroom where I ended up crying my eyes out. After I regained control of myself, I dried my tears and re-entered the party. The suite was still packed with drunk people, and I just wanted to disappear as soon as possible.

I decided not to say goodbye to anyone and quickly made my exit.

To this day, I have remained in contact with the virtuoso, and we are always trying to find time to be able to work together again. I still have never told him what really happened. It isn’t necessary. I truly believe that it is very important to always maintain humility, faith, and determination. After what I went through, I know it can be difficult to take the high road, but I have learned that things will always work themselves out for the best. The greatest protection in any circumstance will always be to do everything we do with heart, sincerity, honesty, and humility. Believe in these principles.

A few weeks later I learned that the so-called agent had been fired after the virtuoso finally discovered that he had used his name and reputation to manipulate other people for various purposes. He had even tried to steal money from the virtuoso. Fortunately, one of these manipulated individuals had contacted the virtuoso and alerted him to what was going on. My lawyer called me to explain that the new agent had called her to introduce himself as the new representative for the virtuoso. I was so glad to hear that the agent got fired as well as the pianist. I had nothing else to do, say, or explain at this point. Justice had finally been served.

Today, I am grateful for this experience as painful and humiliating as it was for me as a woman and a musician. It taught me to be less naive, and I have also learned to listen more to the suggestions of my fiancé and others I trust when and if similar situations present themselves. Unfortunately, the music industry is still very much a man’s world, and I have had to accept that I may always have to deal with mistreatment down the road. I also gained the understanding that this reality had nothing to do with my abilities and competency as an artist, my age, or my level of

I

’m very big on family time, so I really wanted to be with my nephew on the Fourth of July to see his excitement under the fireworks. I wanted to have wine with my mom and kickback with my sis. Instead, I got a phone call, a few days before, from a producer who was very interested in contributing to an EP I was working on called “Ascension.” We’d been having conversations about it two weeks prior. My subconscious said, “If you want to succeed in this business, you have to make sacrifices. He’s only available on the fourth. If you work fast enough, you’ll be out of the studio in time to enjoy the holiday with your family.” So I committed to the session.

I asked a friend of mine to drive me to his studio; although, I’d been there before, I still wasn’t comfortable going alone. I’m glad I made that call. When we got there, vibes were a little off but I figured, I was just nervous and had to loosen up a bit. The producer and I started talking about his influences and I talked about mine; he went over some ideas and I shared mine, which nearly took three hours.

He was very long-winded. After sharing ideas, he put on a track that I was sorta feeling, so I began writing in my cell phone, which was how I usually wrote my lyrics. He then, out of left field, caught an attitude and said, “I’m not on my phone right now. I’m in here, focused on you! My phone is not even in the room.”

“Excuse me? My phone is....” I, then, laughed and interrupted, “I’m writing!”

He had to have been joking. Why would he question me in that moment and in that tone? It was the Fourth of July and I was there focused too! I could have been with my family.

I jotted down my ideas and melody; he was not impressed. He said he was looking for something specific. I said, “Well if it’s specific, then you should be able to sing it to me.”

We then started talking about influences again, and he pulled out some old school records that I didn’t really connect with, but was being open to the process. As he played the records, he wrote down a to-do list. A list of things he would like for us to work on that would separate me from other artists. As I sat down on the studio couch, he was standing near the mixing board. When he finished, he put the pad down on the board and stepped out of the room to take care of something. I approached the board because I want to get back to the song we were working on. As I looked for the volume button, my eyes caught a glimpse of his notepad, specifically the last item on his list read, “9. Fuck Ruby.”

My face turned pale. My heart started to beat so fast. I texted my friend, who was waiting for me in the lounge area and told her it was time to go! I should have taken a picture of the moment, but I was too appalled. My friend came in the room and asked if I was okay. I told her, I was going to the bathroom and when I came back we were leaving. Without question, she said okay. I texted her when I got out of the bathroom; she was already approaching the hall with this “Don Juan,” who thought he was going to get in my pants.

I waved goodbye to him from the bathroom stall, and never said a word to him again.

I definitely believe there is courage in vulnerability, but this particular session made me proceed with a bit of caution when it came to getting acquainted with men in the music business. The day he wanted to “9. Fuck Ruby,” reminded me of the reasons I have a recording studio setup at home that I prefer to work out of. Unless it’s a paid gig or someone I am really good friends with, I am careful about whose studio I go to and who I have meetings with.

Ladies, we are functioning in a male-driven paradigm. My story is not to make you concerned every step of the way. If you believe in your creator, then you know you will always be okay and whatever happens is for a reason. My story was written to raise awareness of things that could, potentially, happen; to encourage others to use a little bit of caution. Do background checks on people if you can, and never go unrepresented, because that is when you leave yourself open to be in such positions. When you find people that you can trust and create with, keep them close and take care of them.

I

had just moved to Los Angeles from Detroit and was eager to “make it.� I was introduced to an old school rapper who was looking to develop artists and procure record deals for them. He talked so much game about what he could do and how a major label wanted me, but I had to get a new demo done immediately; he said it was pretty much a done deal. If I, quickly, did the demo, I would be signed. I trusted him because he always had celebrities around him, a big house in Studio City, and of course, sold tons of records. He said he was responsible for another major female artist who sold millions of records, so I figured since he appeared to have obtained all of that success for himself; and others, then he could make it happen for me.

I rushed and used my entire savings to pay for studio use and complete my music project. Everything I had ever saved (a 5-digit number) was put in this project. A week later, I was cornered and propositioned, by this well-known rapper, for sex, who told me that all of my dreams would come true. I was scared and felt completely dumb. I freed myself from the corner, realizing that he lied about the labels and getting me in the door with many execs. I knew, then, he lied about everything. I heard from others that he was a con artist and could talk people into believing a pig was a goat if he wanted. I got out of the situation safely‌ but broke.

My advice would be to always have someone represent you and speak on your behalf; never ever go into a studio alone, and, first, ask others what they think of anyone who wants to do business with you...sometimes word of mouth speaks volumes.

I

got my start in the music and entertainment industry at age ten, but after high school and during college, I started to learn how to become independent, both personally and professionally, making my own decisions, writing my own music and networking. Although I’ve always had, and continue to have, my parents’ support in regards to my career, there was a time where I wanted to do things on my own.

While in college at the University of Florida, I decided to further my music career by moving to Atlanta by myself.

It was there, that I got a good taste of what it meant to be a young, independent female artist.

In Atlanta, I met and started working with several industry insiders: producers, A&R’s, event coordinators, managers and even some executives. Soon, I had the opportunity to work with a production team, who was signed to one of my favorite producers, renowned for working with some of the artists I’ve followed since I was a child. It seemed like an opportunity of a lifetime! If I proved myself as a singer and a writer, it seemed, almost guaranteed, that I would be working with my favorite producer, himself!

All I wanted to do was sing and write my heart out. I was hungry, but my hunger and passion were often taken advantage of.

At the time, I had a manager that was going to the studio with me, to work with this production team. Each visit was extremely productive, professional and promising. I started developing a relationship with the producer, and with that, came trust. Never once did I feel uncomfortable; however, one evening, I decided to go to the studio, without my manager, to finish up a few records we had been working on. It was then that the producer preyed on my passion and eagerness to do music and be successful.

He locked the doors to the studio, dimmed the lights, and attempted to make the environment “relaxing and comfortable.” He offered me a drink. I’ve never been into alcohol, so naturally, I declined. I knew something was off, but as a young girl, “don’t piss off the producer and blow your opportunity” was at the forefront of my mind.

The producer became extremely flirty, making remarks

about how I should take my jacket off, and insisting that I lay down on one of the oversized bean-bag couches. I suggested that it was time for me to leave and started to get up, only to find him pushing my shoulder down and making attempts to kiss me. I turned my head and started to get up again, firmly telling him that I had to leave. At that point, I knew I needed to get out of there. I knew this situation, with this producer, was no opportunity I wanted to take, at the expense of my value and worth as a young woman and artist.

When I left, the first person I called was my Dad, who was back in Florida. When he answered the phone to me crying, he knew something was wrong. He was extremely worried and concerned. He explained to me that I cannot and should not go anywhere alone, even if I feel I can trust the situation. I also told my manager at the time.

He too, was irate and gave me the lecture of not going anywhere by myself. The next day, the producer sent me several flirty texts. I texted him back that his behavior was unacceptable, that I felt unsafe and that we weren’t going to be working together again, under any circumstances.

His response, in so many words, was, “you asked for it.”

From this experience, I learned not to be so naïve to the world around me, especially not to this industry. As a young woman, you have to guard yourself. I learned not to be so trusting; that everyone’s intentions are not pure.

Both personally and professionally, I learned patience and to allow people to show you their true intentions in wanting to work with you. To this day, I continue to keep my parents close and I have a great manager. I run everything through him, regarding business.

My advice to female artists would be, to never forget your value and what you bring to the table. No opportunity or industry connection, no matter how promising it seems, is worth sacrificing your morals and values, nor your respect as a woman or professional. What’s for you, is for you.

Nobody can take that away. Have faith in your destiny and path, and be confident in your abilities. Everything will happen when it’s supposed to, and under circumstances that do not compromise YOU!

I

t was the beginning of 2014, I decided to begin my musical journey and studio shop. My friend forwarded me a text, inviting me to a grand opening of a brand new recording studio. I had no intentions of making new relationships outside of “music,” but it happened. Admittedly, I didn’t make the best choices or follow my gut instinct, the moment I realized how much game was being run on me. I went against my better judgment and did what I thought would be “fun.”

The next day, after the grand opening, I went back to the studio for recording session. The CEO/Executive Producer, asked me if I was single. I instantly shut him down and requested we stick to business. I was very proud of myself and felt good about having willpower, however, on the other hand, I felt like I was being a little too hard on myself. I thought, perhaps, I should loosen up and enjoy myself sometime; so I went back to the studio, the next day, to let him know I was down to have a new “friend.”

The first week we met, he was begging me, badly, to date him, but became frustrated with me because I wouldn’t give him the type of attention, he demanded. He was very aggressive, impatient and immature, but I ignored all of the negatives, and gave him the benefit of the doubt. I fell into the “trap.” I suspected he was, either, absolutely crazy, or seriously had to have me, and perhaps fell, immediately, in love with me. I pushed forward and gave him everything, he wanted, right away. He instantly started to help me out, with my career, and because of that, I liked

him even more. I thought he really cared about me. We would sleep together, and he’d get upset when he woke up and I was gone. Anytime I wasn’t at work or in the gym, I was right by his side. He yelled, cursed and was very rude to me, in public settings, but I stayed because I felt like I could help him calm down if I just gave us time. I went through his cell phone and discovered he was cheating on me, and even got a female pregnant, at some point before me. I went off, put my hands on him and everything; although we fought, we still stayed together.

So much time was put into arguments, fights, and being aggressive with one another, and he never stopped playing women. I would see his phone ringing while we were recording, incoming FaceTime calls, text messages and direct messages, which made me feel so worthless.

He certainly used his occupation and position to his advantage.

Months into our relationship, I looked him in his eyes and screamed, “I understand you’re a very talented musician, that will be surrounded by hoes at times, but- -” He interrupted, jumped up in my face and yelled, “Deal with it!” I couldn’t believe him, but I started to feel like, if we just prayed more often, he may change. We prayed and spent several days, even several weeks, side by side.

I wasn’t even focused on my music career, like I should have been, and my only true goal was to make sure he was happy. When we were on good terms, we created music, things were on the up and up and everything was good, but when we were going at it, I was removed from the music group, given the cold shoulder and thrown out of the studio. I even tried to fight him.

The best thing, any up-and-coming female artist, can do is: keep her business separate from her personal life.

There must be a line drawn between what’s temporary and what’s permanent. The music world can be absolutely amazing, and is so much more productive, if you prioritize, maintain structure and always follow your values or morals. The moment you show signs of weakness, is

the moment that others feel like they can take advantage of you. Keep the control; focus on getting work done in the studio, not making friends or kicking it with anyone.

It’s sad to say, but the truth is, not everyone has your best interest in mind. However, that’s life, right?

F

or as long as I can remember, I have always loved music. It has been an immense part of my life, bringing me joy when I’ve been sad, or strength and drive when I have felt I needed them most. It has helped me pass through the hardest of times, without losing myself or losing my way. I have felt it was like a little ray of sunshine that God put inside me, so I could live forever with a song inside my heart.

Naturally, my love for music gave me the guidance I needed to pursue my dream of singing. It never mattered to me whether it would be for audiences, large or small; it has always been about singing for the pure joy of it, for the genuine pleasure of giving away and sharing that sunshine that I feel lives inside my heart, in the belief that such an aspiration could become a serious way of life. I looked up at stars like Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez, Shakira and Selena Quintanilla, and heard as much intensity and emotion in their music as I am able to convey with my own voice. I found their success to be inspiring for my life, and their music

to be motivating for the pursuit of my dreams.

I started looking for work as a backup dancer/singer in the local music scene. Slowly work came my way, and I acquired some experience singing, dancing and dealing with audiences. I feel I have been somewhat successful in helping audiences relate to the enjoyment of the music I carry, so present, within me. Unfortunately, I have also lived through some of the saddest, scariest and, otherwise, most humiliating experiences of my life, thanks to some of the ugliest people I have ever met, sadly while trying to succeed at doing what I love and know best in my life: music.

The first memorably bad experience happened as I was beginning to seek work in the field. Two young men, in elegant clothing, approached me inquiring about my experience and singing skill. They gave me a business card with the name of some company, saying they were talent scouts interested in finding new artists. I was interested, so I gave them my cell number and agreed to see them again to discuss possible professional management/rep-

resentation. The next time I heard from them, I was in one of my college lectures, when they texted me to come outside of the classroom to see a document they brought for me. They showed me some paperwork, and insisted I had to sign right there. According to them, they had not brought anymore copies, I could not make or keep a copy to read it, and they required I forward them a set of pictures. I became immediately suspicious, and I refused to sign anything without properly reviewing it first, so they left in a hurry. The following day one of the men called me, insisting to see photographs “in either a bathing suit or lingerie. In either case, the less, the better.” I became upset, and demanded to know how this requirement related to the intention of recording music. He specifically told me, “it may not seem related, but the cold truth was that sex sells, and if I ever thought I could get a record deal without ‘allowing them to sample the merchandise,’ I better change careers.” (As cold as that.) I did not dignify these words with so much as an answer. I hung up the call quietly and sat down to collect my thoughts. I never heard from either one of the men since... No regrets, though.

I continue, to this day, nurturing the sunshine that came from the Lord’s “factory.” I care for it with intent and purpose, because I believe it was given to me, specifically. I share it, and in doing so, I will, hopefully, help someone, somewhere forget about life’s ugliness for a while. I have continued working to polish myself, and have become a better singer, a better entertainer, and overall, a better human being. I have continued navigating through the sea of lowlifes and sharks, that use the aspiring artists’ hunger for success, against them, and only regard them as puppets to exercise their own penchant for depravity. It is so sad that the music industry seems to collect so many of these, so easily. Otherwise, I have been proudly able to not lose my dignity or morals on the wings of achieving artistic success. I can sing and dance with the same joy in my heart as I did on the very first try. Even better, I can look at myself in the mirror, every single instant of my life, and for this, I feel very proud.

My name is Sarah Ocasio, born in New York to Puerto Rican parents. I am an artist and an entertainer. Singing and dancing are my art, and the sunshine in my heart... And I am proud of that.

He wanted me to stay with him in LA, for a week, and in exchange for my “company,” he would provide me with the services I was seeking. I felt beyond disrespected and decided to sever all ties with him, because it was not in my character to get results that way; I work hard for everything I have. I am very independent and consider myself to be “self-made.”

I am fully content with being a struggling artist that makes independent moves, opposed to being a household name that slept her way to the top. That’s just not me and never will be. If you can’t respect me, as an individual, you can’t respect me as an artist. I would like to give a shout-out to all of the women that did not have to resort to compromising their morals and self-respect to get to where they are. If you want something, then work for it. I promise you that you will get out, what you put in. Set your vision in motion and let the universe do the rest.

Ambition. Persistence. Success.

A

s I searched for professional production for my upcoming project titled “Gunsmoke,” I came across a solid lead- a producer I found (whose name I prefer to keep anonymous) who worked with major artists in different genres. I felt the versatility was there for us to be able work on something, so I decided to reach out. We went over various visual concepts and variations in sound that I was looking for, musically. He was, clearly, someone I could make quality music with, so I began to inquire about pricing.

He stated everything would be free, but we all know nothing in life is free.

M

y first encounter was with a man that I used to work and make music with. I was unaware that he had a problem with alcohol.

Each time that he would come to the studio (which I paid for) he would not work and, instead, spend the hours making me listen to his stories. Although he was talented, in the end, we only made two songs that I was unhappy with. When I told him that I wasn’t happy with the work, and that I would not attend any of his dinners or parties, he uploaded the songs on YouTube, without my permission. I wasted my money and time. When I asked him why he would do such a thing, without my permission, he told me that things would’ve been different if I would have been a “good girl” and pleased him.

My second encounter involved a manager, who I tried to contact for events. The first time that I went to his studio, he told me that my song wasn’t OK and wasn’t what he wanted. After a while, he saw me on TV and called me to meet with him. I was really happy. However, when I arrived, he was only talking nonsense. He turned on music and told me to show him that I can dance. When I asked him why he needed to see my dancing skills [I am a singer, not a dancer] he said, “Lets have some fun, and after we can talk about serious things.”

He stood up, came toward me to

hug me and then tried to kiss me.

I was a bit shocked and didn’t know how to react.

I said, “I’m sorry,” with a smile, “but I’m not here to look for a boyfriend.”

He then said, “If you’re not gonna please me, you’re not gonna have any future in the music industry, because I’m very powerful and I can close all of your doors.”

He saw I was a bit shocked and was not expecting that, however when I started to cry and said, “You can’t do this to me,” he looked at me, with smile, and said, “Now you know how it’s going to work in this industry.”

With a straight face he said, “Next time, come with a sexy dress, please me, be naughty and I’ll make you famous.”

When I told him that I wanted to go and to please open the door, he tried to, forcefully, kiss me. I shouted at him to open the door and then I left.

The most recent encounter occurred about two months ago, with a very influential producer.

He called me and said that he liked my image and my work as an artist, and invited me to a business dinner to talk. I, gladly, went, and our first meeting was absolutely amazing. We agreed to create a new song based on my lyrics and his instrumental, as

well as, a video.

The second time we met, he offered to give me a ride after our meeting. I accepted, but didn’t expect him to take me to his place, instead of mine. When I asked where we were going, he said, “I’m very excited about our work together, and I want to show you the recording studio, which is at my house. It is, only, gonna take 15 minutes and then I’ll take you home.”

I asked why it was imperative to see it at 10 p.m., and not the following day, but he told me to not be silly and that nothing was going to happen.

We arrived at his house and he was very polite; he quickly made me a cup of tea, showed me the studio, and then said that we would go after we finished our tea. While we were drinking tea, he said, “Why don’t you open your legs a little bit and show me your underwear.”

I tried to ignore the comment by pretending like I didn’t hear it, but then he carried on and said, “Why don’t you open your legs and play with yourself a little bit.”

I stood up and said, “Enough!

I’m not here for a XXX movie casting.”

There are many stories like these, which can make it very hard to do something in this industry, with as much passion, as you may have.

A

s a woman in the industry, there are always going to be obstacles, but the one thing I’ve learned is that there is strength in knowledge and confidence.

It can be hard being a girl. Let’s face it: we have curves to die for, smiles, and sweet pleasant voices, usually. In the music industry, where everything is superficially based, and we are judged by the content in our jeans rather than our character, it can be next to impossible, at times, to navigate our way as professional creatives or artists. Adding fuel to the fire, is the dynamic within the subject matter of a lot of current popular music. It is a known fact that sex sells; it also helps sell your personality (as an up-and-comer) or your skills (whether they truly exist or not). So for a professional female songwriter, entering a studio to hopefully collaborate on a fantastic project, sometimes turns into a sticky situation.

I am a very friendly person by nature and my personality is outgoing and silly, which can often be misconstrued as flirting. I can remember one particular occasion, being in a studio with some people that I was very excited to work with (because of their resumes). The session started out great and seemed to be very productive, as we blazed through the song that we were working on. It became clear, as the session progressed, that the engineer wanted more than just my voice. He said to me that I, “obviously wanted the attention by the way I was singing and the way I looked.” His advances were unwelcome, but I tried to be nice and professional in my rejection of them because I didn’t want to ruin the opportunity to work. He basically told me that if I wasn’t “down,” I could leave. After writing and recording, what was actually a great song, I had to leave the studio because I was not into having sex with him. This was the first time this ever happened to me, so I was completely floored. You hear about these kinds of things in Lifetime movies, but as far as I was concerned, they didn’t actually happen.

It is sad to think that the world has welcomed a mentality, where we value what’s in our bras and underwear, over what’s in our hearts and in our creative gifts. I feel that I was blessed to get out of that situation without being taken advantage of sexually, as there are other women who ha-

ven’t been as lucky. I value myself, my gifts and my body more than that. If the attraction was mutual, and this was something that I wanted, maybe the story would have ended differently, because as we all know, sexual attraction is a part of human nature and completely natural. However, that was not the case in that situation. I really just wanted to work and be recognized for my gift.

I was disappointed when he asked me to leave because I wouldn’t have sex with him, but I am grateful for the experience because it taught me a little more about my own character. I never wanted to be one who settled for that, and I can say that I have upheld that character trait. I, also, always welcome the opportunity to help other women who need advice or help navigating this, sometimes, crazy industry; it can be tough.... but not impossible. Stay strong.

Stay a woman, and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself if you find that you’re in a situation that you don’t want or need to be in. You are a precious gift in and of itself, and should be valued as such. Respect should always be a mutual thing when working in a professional environment.

Be YOU. Be beautiful. Be grateful. Be humble. Be courageous. Be great. You deserve that, and so much more.

I

worked in a, well-known, music store and the store manager, finally, convinced me to start writing for an artist that he knew. He made everything sound so wonderful; success was there, if I just took it. I just didn’t notice any of the signs.

It was our first writing session, alone. He offered me a drink and once I took a sip, and then another, something in my gut told me that I shouldn’t be alone with him, which is why I invited two friends over, without telling him.

By the time they arrived, I was so drunk that my world was spinning. I only had two sips! I got up to let them in; he stood in front of the door and said, “Why did you invite them? This is a closed session!”

A sinking feeling set in, something wasn’t right.

When he mumbled, “You owe me this,” fear really started setting in. Luckily, my friends were already at the door, hearing our conversation and, when I reminded him of that fact, he reluctantly opened the door. I was still heavily intoxicated but he kept trying to convince my friends to leave me there with him; that I would be OK in the morning if I just slept on the couch. They rescued me and I never went back.

Make sure someone knows where you are at all times. Give someone, you trust, your location, as well as, the info of the person you’re working with. Most importantly, stay in touch and never, ever sway from your boundaries! Not every man, in this industry, is a creep, but there are far too many to not stay on top of your safety.

E

arly in my career, I crossed paths with an older, much more accomplished, male musician. We decided to work on some projects together and I was, absolutely, ecstatic about it. A little while into working with him, he started making sexual advances towards me. I really wasn’t sure how to handle the situation because I felt pressure to keep a good connection, in fear of losing the things I worked for.

A while after our project ended- he became obsessive and wouldn’t leave me alone- he would write poems and notes to me, even after I expressed that I wasn’t interested. Once he finally understood I wanted nothing to do with him, he made it clear that he was willing to tarnish any connections I made through him and my reputation. I couldn’t handle it anymore and cut all connections with him. I was so embarrassed, I couldn’t tell anyone because it put such a negative light on something that was supposed to be a positive experience.

Looking back on it now, I know he preyed on me, as a young woman, and used his connections and reputation as leverage to try to make me his. This was not the first time something of this nature had happened to me-- and it was far from the last. I cannot stand the thought of any woman feeling like she has to bend her morals to become who she wants to be in the music industry.

W

e worked together for so long that he felt like family. I never imagined that he would do something like what he did. I respected him and he raved about my talent and how much he believed in me. The music we made was incredible.

And then, it happened-- He violated me. Four times, I shoved him off of me before I could finally leave. I felt sick. I felt betrayed. I felt humiliated. And the worst part was: I felt like it was all my fault.

“If only I hadn’t put myself in that situation.”

“He was drinking, what did I expect?”

“Why did I choose to wear that outfit?”

“He’s a man, I should’ve known better than to be alone with him.”

“If only I had thought it through.”

I think that if the shame isn’t the worst part, it’s the self-loathing… Or maybe the fear.

I am scared to be alone with men; scared to get in elevators, scared to walk alone, scared when I am constantly catcalled and scared to tell them to fuck off.

I am scared to sit wrong or to be too attractive, scared of making them mad, scared when they shut the studio door and it’s just the two of us, scared to do somethinganything, that would enable history to repeat itself.

I know the truth now; it wasn’t my fault. I am not defined by what he did to me. What I wear, or don’t wear, doesn’t change that I am human and deserving of respect, and it certainly doesn’t make what he did, okay.

I know that I am worthy of working with a team that respects me for my talent. I am proud of my body and my voice, and I refuse to hide my opinions, be uncomfortable, or change myself to please anyone else.

Yes I am scared, but I do not let it rule me. Yes, that happened to me, but it doesn’t define me. I kept this experience a secret, for so long, because of the shame.

But I am telling my story now, because I know that someone out there has gone through something similar. If that’s you, I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know, and believe, that it’s not your fault. I want you to know that you are not defined by what happened to you. Your story is not over, and your best is still ahead of you. I want you to know that I’m here, and we are growing, fighting and healing together. Thank you for existing and reminding me that I’m not alone. I know we can get through anything and come out the other side, stronger, brighter, and more powerful than ever before.

M

y father preached to me, that a woman has to be selective with whom she chooses to deal with, because the industry is very small. I took his words of advice to heart, since I take my craft very seriously. Through my musical journey, I have learned that some men, of power, prey on females, especially, in the beginning, before God assembles you a team to protect & guide you. It is crazy how many people want to work with you until you tell them, “Feel free to contact my manager.” It allows you to see who is important and who is trivial.

One time, I was booked to perform at an event. The man who planned the entire event was the manager of a major rap group in the industry. Over time, we became friends and I considered him a mentor. He informed me that he was interested in becoming my manager and wanted to have an in-person discussion about further plans and taking my career to the next level. I was so excited and amazed by this news. My performance was great and business was handled professionally, until, I was returning back to my hotel room to call it a night. He walked me all the way up to my room, but I didn’t think too much of it, because I thought he was just being a gentlemen. However, when I opened my door and turned around to say goodbye, he kissed me. It totally caught me off guard because I never viewed him in that way. I explained to him how I couldn’t believe he “tried me,” especially after all of the previous talks, I shared with him, of the obstacles I had to overcome, being a female artist in the game. The last man I would expect this type of behavior from, was him. Since he was rejected at the door and probably “embarrassed” by my harsh reaction, he responded with: “I don’t want you JiGi! Its nothing like that or anything....because, I’m married.” From that day on, I never spoke with him again.

Ladies, only handle business with your management team present. Lesson Learned.

I

moved to Atlanta, at the age of 18, wanting to pursue a successful life in the entertainment industry: acting, dancing, music, etc. I was fresh out of high school and new to everything. The first person I met, who was willing to “help,” gave me free vocal and piano training, and free access to a dance studio. I thought it was great!

After a year or so, of working with this male figure, he started to ask for more. He started to call me “baby” and would get upset that I was dating another male, my age. One day, he turned to me and said, “I need you to get more sexy pictures. How about you come over to my place; we can get some sexy lingerie and shoot you on my bed.” When I started to be more aware of what was going on, I stopped going to the studio. I, even, cut back on talking to him. I felt so uncomfortable, but as an artistic individual, I just couldn’t express it in any way, and it started to affect my craft.

After that experience, I was on the fence about working with any males in the industry. I found myself working with females, but even that became an experience in itself. I would find myself, around women, who were giving into the deadbeats to further their career. A girl, that I knew, even attempted to pimp me out to a male artist, by telling him that I would go to his house to clean and cook for him.

For nearly four years, I did a lot on my own, for shows and bookings, and kept many at arms length. When I finally started opening up, to people in this industry, I found myself in another situation with another male in a recording studio, who started making sexual innuendos towards me. This time I was more aware. At first I’d laugh it off, to avoid any awkwardness, but after a while, it became too much. Again, I felt uncomfortable expressing myself artistically, so I left and never looked back.

Now, I just keep an open eye. I’ve had negative experiences in this industry, but I’ve had many positives, as well, with both males and females. At the end of the day, it is important to be aware and educated.

As women, we tend to live far from the edge. We let society place a hold on us from being our true selves. We’re all one in this universe, created with a self-purpose. Trust in yourself and allow yourself the freedom to fly.

Allow Yourself the Freedom to Fly

I

am Jessica Zenzen. I’m a singer-songwriter from DeKalb, Illinois. I decided to move to Las Vegas with my best friend and producer, “Peter” (named changed for anonymity), to pursue my singing career full-time. I have been through a number of situations, that I hope by sharing, will help women to, possibly, avoid situations I have encountered and better understand to never give up.

My first experience was with my first manager (who I’ll call “Joe”). He found me on social media, loved my music, and asked me to come to his loft to “audition.” “Peter” and one of my dancers, “August,” accompanied me. We wrote, recorded, and performed a complete routine, we created, over and over, nearly 50 times, until the point I was almost in tears. “Joe” had been drinking all day, so it got to the point where I, finally told him, if he didn’t see my talent and want to work with me, I would find someone who would. He told me that he had to really see it in me... in my eyes. Well, with tears in my eyes, he finally said he would work with me. This was just the beginning.

Every session with him, there were drinks, which was a HUGE problem when trying to be professional. At a session, he put his hand on my leg and tried to kiss me.

I told him no, and things changed almost instantly. He brought my producer “Peter” in, behind my back, and began working with a new artist. I was, soon, replaced, and was devastated, not only because I lost my manager, but my best friend betrayed me as well. Months later, the artist quit music completely and “Joe” wanted to work again.

I’m proud to say I did not go back and I did not give in. I will never sell my soul.

After that experience, I auditioned for a group I heard on the radio. The manager booked me and asked me if I knew of any other singers that would like to join. I brought in two of my close friends, that were both very talented singers/dancers. We started gaining some attention, but the group broke up because one of the members developed a drug problem. Our rehearsals kept getting cut short because, instead of working, everyone just wanted to party.

I was stuck in a place where a friendship was on the line and so was the group. I confronted my friend and shared my concerns- not showing up for rehearsals, ignoring my phone calls, etc., he always seemed to have an attitude. The group broke up around the same time we received some interest from Sony Music. He tried to blame me, saying that I was being bossy, yet he didn’t realize how much their bad attitude

was really affecting the group as a whole. Yet again, I was devastated; not only did we lose the group, I lost my best friend. Fortunately, I did not let myself go down that path and I was proud of my work ethic. It is important to surround yourself by people that share the same mindset as you; if you want group success, you can’t be the only one that wants it.

Shortly after, I met a producer/singer at the ice skating rink. He noticed the tattoo on my neck and we started talking. He asked if I wanted to jam someday. Just getting out of my group, and really wanting to get back in the studio, I accepted. He picked me up in a brand new Escalade with a personal driver and a bottle of champagne. I was thinking, “here we go again.” We went to one of the biggest studios in Las Vegas, called Odds On Recording Studio. We began creating an awesome song; he played and I sang. Afterward, we became close friends and started talking about any and everything. I felt we really developed a genuine friendship, however, I had no clue how or where he got his money from, and he had an excuse for everything that always seemed to make sense. He wanted to get a new place and asked if he could stay at my house for a few days; of course I said yes. I actually had to go to LA that weekend, with a mutual friend of ours, to work in the studio, so I told him that he could stay for free if he watched my dogs for me. He smiled and agreed. While I was in LA, he called and asked me for my girlfriend’s phone number so they could go to the gym together, so I gave it to him, while I was doing a meet and greet at a studio, he set up.

Once I came home, after what seemed to be a great weekend, I walked into a house he robbed and stole my check book, which he wrote a $2,500 check to the people I went to LA with for the “meet and greet,” and the rest he wrote to himself and deposited into my girlfriend’s bank account. I called her and asked what happened. She said, “He loves me. He gave me money so I can buy a motorcycle.”

It was MY money; he stole from my home. Everything started making sense. He bought the Escalade with someone else’s credit card, I found in my house along with her bank statements; clearly another woman he stole from.

I spoke to the engineer from Odds On Recording Studio, which he never paid for, and realized, I got– “got” by one of the best scam artists I have ever met. Moral of this story is don’t trust just anyone. You can have respect for them, but don’t let your guard down.

ss sic is a stre u M r. e b m g n reme long as I ca also studyin s e a il r h w fo rs ic s u of mu and ho presents in some form cticed music for hours usiness, which often d e g a g n e been I pra sic b I have e to the mu isse. I have e. As a kid, y emotions e id m n s a fr a Y o m rk s f a is l o d e e o a fe m y na ere is kes me st are tw rtunately, th me and ma on and ang fo r ti n a fo U tr . s e s iz ru a b F le e re th ers.” excelling in ssions. power play ed in g studio se n other artists teractions with male “ ri u d y mains etch ll re ia r c e la p in u s ’ e ic ts , rt s usines ale artis rtist and ne in pa the music b sessions, o itself in fem was as an a I in io d o d e h tu c s w n pe g d n e ri expe to name-dro ences duri d I explain e ri n e a ïv p , a s x n personally e e s lv a le e b w rs ld ced ou h, and I unfavora We introdu as always to worked wit . red various w y d I te rt a . n a h e u p e n o y h o c h t tr n s a p e have ists th on the an indu in some Although I versations roducer at all of the art may work n p t g o a a c in t th r e lg la w u m u o iv g e h bout c d on arn more a ed having re ing together. I can see . He started le rt in my mind. I ta to s g r d e in n n o a g in n d s work go to rmatio n I wa the directio other before roducer suggested we hanged info c h x c e a e e w W o . e n tim et to k priate. cific p ping at that ts should g er. This spe ing inappro is re th rt a y a c n d a r n u e a o s y n rs e e to ut of n’t really s that produc etrimental d getting o id d n d a e I b g r, n o e o n ls s a in e can I was iling th ut the d cases, but it nd though used on na d througho a c n , a fo io s t, d a n e tu w s w d e I ’t in in r. that I wasn nd out of th a ived, my m one anothe e rr m in a I g g n in in e ll el m h nt men co s began. W r self was te ay, which made me fe re e n fe n io if s in s d e y d s e M c . io ti at day , I no ea stful w r, my stud I didn’t lik in the booth n’t feel comfortable th looking at me in a lu d g n A week late in a , rd n o c io s re s s were c, I did e I was s my se all, this wa oth, the guy there. Whil f extra traffi o r o b e y ft e it A th il . f ib o re s e s t e po ere th and ou aware of th why they w I walked in d s n a A . re n e o w ti a y oved u of who the nd me. I m the right sit e u lu ro c a . o s n rm s a e far d c a y. I h is way. As e placed his th creative pro h g y d n n m very uneas ti a c g a r, n e s ti c a p he w ed e produ le interru ndered why s relationship. He start t next to th o a s w lot of peop I I , . o ls s a c g o s e fact me doin busine ten to v othered by nts about th n beyond a booth to lis e b o e ti m d th c e m e f m o n o e c n t e o g s u c o e t he g our d makin When I cam empt to stop him, bu sted in takin aggressive. He starte re te in s tt a a w n that I e very around in a e case. tone becam showed him r is e h v d e n n a h was not th I , , in this ic e w h m e w n h , k it d I e w s it a of the men nce s o to be d c d n g a te in n m e a e b d w e s e e h d said I wa mbed to th males can b to n u e telling me a c F c n . u e e s p n o o o h d g w g ’t bein males nythin decide that I wasn om other fe cult to get a ptly stop a session or fr fi if s e d ri ry to e s v ts, we r eard horro y can abru gh. As artis ss makes it h e u e s o th in y s th e a u s n b u lw o a a ti ic c g s e e ta t, I hav t my repu ery hard b ard winnin n in the mu u v e w o is b A m a y e rs d e m As an artis m c ie o m u s rr d ra o e pro een w ith a G ealing with ng with som met. I have always b me room w li a a s e industry. D d e d th n a in , t you are s are no s objects to be when looked at a their desire t n if a u w o y u o h y it gw ho do stop workin o bad, but w k your career? s l fu s s e c c su or brea want to be elp launch h n a c o h w producer

M

M

y name is Angel B. I am a Brazilian recording artist, professional dancer and choreographer. I moved to Los Angeles four years ago to pursue my dreams, not imagining how difficult it would be to deal with producers in this town, or to find professionals that really wanted to work and not just have sex with you. Back home, I never encountered these problems, but being mature, having experiences with the opposite sex, and knowing exactly what I came to do, I was able to easily see through some people, stand for what I believe in, and hold on to my principles. I have numerous stories, since I moved to LA, of producers calling me late at night, to go to the studio, to have a “meeting,” or session, yet when I arrived, work was the last thing they had in mind.

Being on my own, in this town, is not easy, but I have God and friends that care about me. Every time that I have to go to an unfamiliar studio to talk to a producer that I’ve never met, I ask a friend to go with me. The minute I enter the room, it is established that they are not getting anything, from me, other than my friendship and my work-- MUSIC.

I had an incident with a certain producer who worked with a few major artists, and was a touring drummer, as well. Nowadays, it’s easy to find everyone on social media and check out their work; he contacted me and we spoke on the phone about music, a few times, while he was out of town. He told me that as soon as he got back, he would set up a meeting for us to discuss my project and what I needed.

Once the meeting was set, he told me to come to the studio at 11 p.m. At first, I tried not to judge or think anything bad, since most producers do not sleep, and some stay at the studio the whole night, but to be safe, I invited a male friend to go with me. As I was on my way, the producer texted me, asking why I was taking my time. I said that I stopped to pick up a friend. He replied, “Oh, why are you bringing someone? Who is coming with you?” which showed me what type of “meeting” he had in mind.

I replied, “I do not know you, and I’m not going anywhere, late at night, by myself.

You want to talk business, correct?”

At that point, I knew I was on the way to wasting my time, but I wanted to check and show him that I wasn’t one of those girls that sleeps with producers to get a track.

When we arrived, the producer and a young singer were having “a little party,” drinking and chilling. The funny thing was his face when he saw that I came in with a man. His attitude changed and he got serious, trying to be professional. We spoke; I showed him my material and spoke about what I wanted for my brand, but all he said was, “Dope. Yes let’s work together.

I will hit you up so we can work in some songs for you.”

He only hit me up to go party and hang out (much like many other producers that I had dealt with). One thing that I have learned and realized, is that if a producer actually wants to work, they will hit you up to work and to be productive, not to hang out late at night or go to clubs.

I am the type of person that says things straight up. It is important for females to not be scared. The people that are suppose to work with you and who can help your career get to the next level, will do so, without expecting you to take your panties off. Producers who try to have sex with you, usually, are the ones who can or will do nothing for you. Be clear and confident in the way that you carry yourself and speak with people, so they know who they are dealing with. I do not play games and I am happy with everything I’ve accomplished on my own, so far, and I didn’t have to sleep with anyone to get my work done. Trust your intuition; I believe that I’ve been fortunate enough to have never experienced a really bad situation because I always follow what God says to me about where to go and who I should trust or not, and I, always, try to remain cautious of malicious intent. Girls, if you are serious about what you do, protect yourself; know the value of your talent, so that when you make it, there’s nothing that you will regret!

I

have had way too many run-ins with disrespectful men in the industry. I am from Australia, and to be honest, haven’t found the industry over there, anywhere near as bad as the LA scene.

My first meeting in LA was with an A&R from a major label that had an artist who was playing on every radio station nationwide. He suggested we meet at a cafe, which was fine with me, as I was a lot more conscious of my safety here than in Australia. After talking himself up for a good hour, he played me a bunch of songs that his writers had done and suggested I write with them. I thought it was a very successful meeting and he suggested we meet again the next day.

The meeting was pushed back to 8 p.m., which I felt uncomfortable about, but was a little more trusting as I’d met him once already. He said he would pick me up, which I should of declined, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. We drove to a cafe across town, and he proceeded to tell me why I couldn’t write with his writers; somewhere along the lines of me being unknown, and his writers not wanting to waste their songs on me. He was very abrupt and I found it quite the dramatic turn around.

After we finished coffee, he said he just needed to drop in to see a friend at a bar. I was so uncomfortable, but felt stuck because he was my ride. When we got to the bar, his friend was already very drunk. When the A&R got up to go to the bathroom, his friend told me we were a good looking couple. It turned out I was being paraded around as his fake date; his friend then asked if I wanted to have a threesome.

I returned home fairly unscathed, apart from an attempted kiss from the A&R, and a message the next day, saying he couldn’t stop thinking about me. I sent him a return message letting him know how unprofessional and inappropriate he was, which seemed to go in one ear and out the other. This begun my journey in the American music industry.

I

have come across several men, in the entertainment and music industry, who try to flirt with me or play like they are single, all while having a wife or living with the mother of one of their children. They come to me as if they are interested in me, as a writer, yet, actually, have ulterior motives: they want me to promote for them or, blatantly, want me to sleep with them.

I’ve had experiences with some trying to be sneaky, saying they could bring their portable studio to my place instead of using the studio at their place and others who have said they have a studio, yet, upon arriving to their place, they have no equipment and use stories like “my ex girl destroyed all my equipment,” knowing their intentions were not to, really, work on a project.

I’ve dealt with many who have mentioned that they are interested in me or bring up how good I look to them, instead of discussing business. I’m asked if I’m single or married, which have nothing to do with music or business, basically, attempting to see if I will hook up with them.

Unfortunately, almost each and every guy that I have attempted to write or make music with, thinks that something will “pop off” between us, when, reality is, other than business, I’m not interested in them.

I have heard it said, that nothing in life is free, you just haven’t received the bill for it yet. Perhaps it is a harsh reality to digest, considering the person who told me this said she found it in fortune cookie, but, nonetheless, it is a somewhat truthful statement. The terrible thing about it, is that some people use this partial truth as a means to get what they want. Maybe it’s true that everything in life has a price tag, for example, hard work is a price to pay in exchange for many things. But, when a price tag becomes bait, then we must call into question the integrity of the seller.

Beware of THE BAIT. I am referring to the kind of man who will dangle your hearts desires and dreams, in front of your face, while making you painfully aware that he holds, what he perceives to be, the “key to your success.” Everything comes at a price with this man, and it usually involves compromising both your integrity and your body. He will offer to give you exactly what you are asking for, if you do this one thing for him, which often becomes an ongoing thing. He won’t promise you a bunch of grandiose luxuries that have nothing to do with what you are asking for, but he will bluntly let you know that he can do exactly what you require of him, if you do exactly what he requires of you.

M

y name is Aleena Gibson and I am a singer-songwriter from Gothenburg (the west coast of Sweden).

In 1995, I decided that all I really wanted to do with my life, was to sing. Realizing that I needed songs, I picked up a guitar and started writing. I taught myself to play, and after a year, I had numerous songs. I thought it was going to be easy. People seemed to like my songs, so I decided I wanted to pursue a record deal. I had no clue how to go about it, but I figured it would cost money, so my thought was to contact someone who would be thrilled to invest in my amazing record and me. I contacted an investment company and booked a meeting. An executive listened to my songs and thought they sounded good. He asked me why I believed I would make it and be successful. Honestly responding that I didn’t know but would find out, we decided to meet again when I had an answer to that question.

I called a professor at the University of Music, asked him to listen to my demos, and provide feedback regarding my likelihood of succeeding. A week later, we met and had dinner with the investor. The professor had not, yet, told me what he thought about my music, but in those days, I was very cocky and self-confident, so no matter what, I knew I would get a positive response. The professor cleared his throat and announced that he listened to the songs, and believed I had an 80% chance of making it as an artist. I was surprised and happy, and the investor seemed pleased as well. We decided to reconvene, after he spoke with his partner.

I contacted a small independent label in Sweden, and explained to the executive director that I wanted to make a record and needed to know projected costs. He was silent at the other end of the line, so I repeated myself, talking a little slower and more clearly, asking, again, how much it would cost for me to make a record with him. He responded, that was not how it worked in this industry, and explained that IF he believed in me, he would take on all costs and I wouldn’t have to worry about a thing. This was great news to me, so we scheduled to meet in Stockholm at the end of the month.

The record exec loved my songs and gave me a record deal. I turned down $100,000, but signed the deal. That was probably a mistake, but at the same time, my education of the industry had to start somewhere. On the day of my recording session, I missed my flight, and when I finally arrived, the band had been waiting in the studio for 8 hours. They played me the rough demos that I was supposed to sing on, and I hated them. I immediately announced that it sounded like shit and they needed to re-record. I was so inexperienced, I had no understanding that music needed arrangement, mixing and mastering in order to sound like the records you hear on the radio. The producer, pissed off with me, told me, “Who do you think you are, Michael Jackson?” I can, now, understand his frustration on a professional level. We, eventually, decided to sit down and talk it through. As I sat down in the couch, the producer sat next to me… very close. Next thing I knew, he put his arm around me, in a very “friendly way,” but it wasn’t until he grabbed my breast, that I understood that the uncomfortable suspicion I got from him putting his arm around me, was correct. I removed his arm to show him that he had gone too far. I felt really insecure after that, and later called the record company exec to tell him what happened. He was very upset and fired the producer immediately. That was my first encounter with sexual harassment in the music industry.

A year later, my manager introduced me to an A&R from an international record company,, and we exchanged numbers. He called me the same week and notified me that he was in my hometown, and invited me to a meet-

ing. He was interested in signing me. I was, of course, over the moon with excitement about the opportunity.

I made sure I looked my best, and brought my guitar to the late meeting at the Scandic Hotel in the city. When I arrived I noticed a whiskey bottle and 2 glasses on the table, and I could sense that the tone of the meeting was not entirely business. I was hesitant to trust my intuition since the meeting was important to me. He invited me to sit down; I opened my case, pulled out my guitar and began to perform the songs that I rehearsed. He thought we should get to know each other a little first, and asked if I wanted whiskey; I declined. We talked and he told me all about his unhappy marriage. I listened, wanting to make a good impression, but was wondering if he was going to ask me to play something or not. I guess I asked him at some point; he listened and told me it was really nice and

I had great songs. He, then, started kissing me and, somehow, got me into a position where he got his hand inside of my clothes. After wrestling him a bit, and battling with my own feelings, I was, in a way, attracted to him, since he was so sweet to me and gave me a million compliments, but I finally managed to say no. At first, he didn’t listen and tried to push on, attempting to make me excited about having sex with him. Eventually I used enough force to stop him. I was crying and I felt incredibly violated. I never told anyone, because, despite this, I still hoped he wanted to work with me as an artist. I met him again in Stockholm, and he told me I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t vulnerable enough to be an artist, and that I should lock myself into a basement and write songs for others. It scarred me because it made me doubt my ability, my appearance, etc.

Today, I have tens of millions of records, with my songs on artists like, S Club 7, Chenoa, Jason Derulo, Austin Mahone, and others. I work with amazing people and love being able to do what I do, working in music. It’s really a team thing, and I am thankful to all of the men that I have been working with, who always saw me as an equal, despite sex, race, age, religious differences, level of success, etc. I am aware that this is most of the men that I’ve had the pleasure of working with, and the bad apples aren’t that many. However, it is far more usual than one thinks, and it needs to be discussed, to encourage woman to stand up for themselves, and know that they are not supposed to be treated less or used because they were “born the weaker sex.”

W

hen asked, “What is one of the most difficult decisions you’ve had to make in pursuing a career in music?” I would have undoubtedly said, “Moving to New York City, from the comforts of my hometown in Dallas, TX.” At least that’s what I would have said, until I moved to New York City, and found that the journey and the decisions that must be made were far more difficult than one would imagine.

It was the night of R&B Live at Spotlight, the poppin’ music venue where all the existing and burgeoning superstars would gather to celebrate their talents and successes on stage among peers, fellow artists and music executives alike. I walked in, looking like a million bucks...well, maybe a couple of thousand. Whatever the dollar value, my look caught the attention of a very high caliber, well-known major label Vice-President. After the festivities, I followed my new, New Yorker friend, that had invited me, and hand in hand we walked outside after being summoned by “The Executive”. Flashing lights, expensive cameras, inquisitive admirers and a jet black Maybach awaited us at the end of the crimson red carpet. It wasn’t my first time seeing one up close, but it was definitely my first time being chauffeured into the backseat of one. The surprises continued as I quickly discovered, my backseat partner was indeed, “The Executive”.

It was a night of fun at the Mandarin Oriental lounge; I was hanging out with the who’s who of the industry, after not even a full month of being a New York resident. I was excited, apprehensive, doeeyed, eager, naive and optimistic. After schmoozing until it was late, my friend decided to leave so I followed suit. But before I left, I walked over to The Executive, extended my right hand, and told him how delightful it was to meet him and that I would love to set up a meeting. He held my hand, pulled me in a little closer and whispered, “You can’t leave yet. You haven’t given me anything to remember you by.” Nervous and offended, I extended my, freshly opened Vistaprint, business card and said, “Hopefully this will do the trick” and slid it into the label pocket of his, impeccably tailored doubled-breasted, suit jacket. He chuckled and said, “I like you. This is going to be fun.” Before I could walk away, he immediately announced to everyone we would be going to Club Marquis. We sojourned in style, walked in VIP, danced and drank complimentary bottles of champagne. Maybe I should blame the liquor for the far more direct behest, “Come home with me,” said “The Executive”.

“I am very flattered, thank you, but I would rather not. How about we set up that meeting we discussed earlier?” I rebutted.

“The meeting starts now and it can go however you would like it to.” he smirked.

With newfound insight, extreme disappointment and overwhelming sadness, I said the only thing I thought appropriate, “Again sir, it was a pleasure meeting you.”

A polite brush past him, I made my way through the venue crowd, said goodbye and thank you to the door guys, in high heels that were not meant for walking, turned right and walked from the Maybach to the train, back uptown to my, then, Washington Heights apartment; I made my way after 4 a.m.

Welcome to New York City. The awakening began.

T

he music business is tough. As a female musician, I found myself needing to constantly prove that I can actually do the things that I do. A lot of men assumed that I got certain gigs because I slept with someone important, or because being a “female musician” is just a cheap sensationalized gimmick. The truth is, the number of people I’ve slept with to get jobs, in the course of my career, is zero. I worked as hard as every male out there, who wanted the same gig I did. I put myself out there and went for auditions. 90% of the time, I didn’t get the gig, which was okay, because the 10% of the time, when I did, I could proudly say that I got them because I was qualified for the job, and not because I took a shortcut.

is a necessary step to take, because they feel as if they can’t say no to someone with power and money. That man promised me fame and fortune, but I stood my ground and focused on what was important to me. I always hated being pressured to do anything, and I stood by that principle. When I finally turned down his advances and decided not to work with him anymore, he became verbally abusive and told me that I would never be successful in anything that I do. I struggled with that, and I almost believed him. It never feels good to have someone curse you, but you have to keep your chin up, as difficult as it may sound. I kept moving forward; even though, in the back of my mind, I kept hearing his disparaging words, however, things have a way of working out. After that whole experience, good things started happening for me.

I started getting better gigs, than I ever had before, my songwriting ability improved, and I’ve never been happier as an artist.

There have been many instances, where I had to turn down male advances in this business, some of which were obvious and direct, and others more subtle. One of the biggest challenges for me was when I was working with someone of a recognizable name, who was highly interested in producing and molding me to be a famous and successful artist. I saw his vision and was really excited for the project.

The project started out fine and, seemingly, professional, but my gut instinct started telling me something wasn’t right, when the producer started to delay production of my single. He wanted to fix tracks that were fine, redo tracks that I was happy with, and kept calling me into his studio to “rework” the song. At first I trusted him and his judgment, but then we started to work late hours. He, eventually, made a pass at me, and told me it would be in

my best interest, and best for the project, to have a sexual relationship; according to him, it would bring us closer and would better my music and my art. Here I was thinking that all I wanted to do was record a song.

I can see how a lot of women get trapped in similar situations and feel that, going into a sexual relationship,

I think it’s always important to remember that when someone tells you that you’ll never go anywhere, or you’ll never be successful, it’s never the truth. Most of the time, they say that because what you want doesn’t fit into their agenda. People are most manipulative when it’s their last resort to try to gain advantage over you. In that moment, those hurtful words may feel horrible and the world may feel like it’s caving in on you, but don’t fear it. Walk out of the situation and hold on to what feels right to you.

It pays off tenfold, in the long run, and you’ll be glad that you listened to your inner self.

I

t all started as a normal dancing gig for a very well-known local artist. Rehearsals, touring and performing together led to the development of a great friendship… or so I thought.

It, first, started with us going to clubs with him flashing his connections and VIP services, which he quickly noticed did not phase or impress me at all, then led to out-of-the blue comments like, “You know I could pay for you to get your boobs done,” and strange getaway offers. Of course, being just an innocent 18-year-old, I brushed these aside and continued being my friendly self. Suddenly, he started to spread rumors about an intimate relationship between the two of us, leaving the very small industry, having a tarnished idea of the type of woman I am, based on a non-existent relationship.

I never really took it seriously, until one day I

found myself cornered with our faces just about to touch. I could feel his warm breath and dirty energy grasping my face as he told me how he could, not only help me with my dancing, but with my music too; he could make me famous, and we could work out a “deal” in which I could “repay” him. Instantly refusing and running away in shock, I thought the nightmare was over, little did I know, I would then be fired from my dancing gig and refused recording hours, studio space and representation. I was now all on my own in the big bad world of entertainment, with a newfound and very influential enemy.

We, as women, often forget, not only how beautiful we are, but also how much power we hold.

We do not need to sell ourselves short to get ahead. “A woman is not written in braille; you do not need to touch her, to know her.” We are women and it is our time to shine.

T

hroughout my journey within the music industry as a singer, songwriter, and audio engineer, there are many times I’ve second-guessed my God-given talents and their purpose in my life. The entire industry, at least as I’ve experienced it, is centered on or around sex; looking sexy, acting sexy, being sexy, doing sexy things, and writing sexy lyrics. The reason is simple: sex sells. At least that’s what I’ve been told. Not only are women expected to have a certain appearance, size, and shape (thus the explosion of health-hazardous waist shapers and butt injections) they are often expected to be willing to compromise themselves in order to succeed and “get ahead” of the next girl who is just as talented, just as eager, and probably younger. Unfortunately, many women concede; some are able to climb to the ladder of success, if they’re lucky, while others fall flat on their face (or back) ashamed and discouraged for selling their soul. It is important to note that not all experiences are overtly sexual, and that the exertion of power by men can manifest as violence, extortion, or other ways of getting what they want from women, or means of retaliation, when they don’t.

My personal experiences with men, in the industry, have varied; I’ve worked with some wonderfully talented and respectful musicians, writers, engineers, and producers alike. I’ve also experienced chauvinistic, arrogant ones who expect you to “earn” your way in the door by paying whatever “currency,” they determine, is fitting. There were moments where I’ve stood my ground; and moments I’ve given in. Yet with each one I learned successive lessons (though not always right away) that I feel are important for any woman in the industry to understand; lessons that I hope they won’t have to experience themselves in order to benefit.

My first negative experience was working with a producer who was interested in making beats for me to sing and write to. The first red flag was that he didn’t have his own car; but desperate to begin working on my own music, I was willing to transport him back and forth to the home studio I had scrounged money together to build. Although our sessions were generally unproductive, since he was very easily distracted and disorganized, I persisted simply because I was promised more connections and better beats; he told me that I just had to “embrace the process.” One night, he and another male artist had come over to work on some music; a female friend of mine had been in town visiting. The artist and I had, immediately, begun working on a song that had progressed quickly, while the producer was in the other room; this was the most work I had accomplished in months! I suppose the producer was upset that the artist and I had made so much progress, he became somewhat jealous. He became very angry and demanded that I, immediately, begin working on what he was tending to. I told him we were on a roll and I hated to interrupt the flow and vibe. He began yelling, “I’m the king!” “This is my world!” “I tell you what to do and when!”

Shocked by his anger and blatant disrespect, my first instinct was to mouth off: “You’re not the king of anything! This is my house and this is my studio, and that’s my computer we’re working on!” I mean, how dare he? At that moment he ripped out

the external hard drive, containing the music we had worked on (which in hindsight, wasn’t that great anyway) and threw it against the wall, breaking it into pieces. [From now on, I will use several different methods to back up my music and data.] “I’m the king!” “I’m the king!” He screamed again, bringing me back to reality. I calmly told him to get out of my house immediately, to find his own way home through a cab or however he needed to, and that I was not going to be driving him home. With his 6-year-old son downstairs (who had come along with him to this session) he pulled out a gun and told me that I had better take him and his son home or he would kill me and my friend. I grabbed my girlfriend and we huddled in the room next to the studio, shaking with nervous fear, until he had packed up his gear. We then drove him home.

[Note to self: Never be alone with another male, unsupervised, if you can help it, and have clear-cut, preferably written, agreements with producers in regards to expectations and working relationships.]

Years later, I performed a show in a new city and was excited that I had gotten a few good songs under my belt (once I had learned to record on my own, and further developed my writing and engineering skills.) I met another producer/musician, at an event, who was very successful and extremely talented. He seemed nice and normal, and said he’d love to get together and make a couple of songs. Since he was only in town for a show and was leaving in a couple of days, I told him we could work on some songs in my studio (which I had slowly built up and was now a pretty decent setup.) While working on the music, he began massaging my neck, saying it would help me relax. This led to him kissing my neck and, subsequently, removing my clothes, despite my saying no. I finally gave in, after he told me that this would help make the music better and “real.” Needless to say this sexual “encounter” left me feeling used and ashamed. We never did finish the song. [What was that about not being alone with a man unsupervised?]

Years later, I met a producer who was a pretty talented musician, and was regularly playing at one of the local spoken word events that I attended and performed at. I, yet again, moved to a new city and was eager to have a new start. He solicited me to do some work for him in exchange for producing songs, as he thought I had talent.

Again, being vulnerable, having little money to be able to afford the $500-$1000 cost of a decent quality exclusive beat at that time, I was willing to negotiate. He said that the work was for a pantyhose company commercial that he was involved in. I was told to bring certain attire and that he would provide pantyhose. I asked who all would be there and he told me, “Oh there’s a whole team of people for this.” My gut told me it wasn’t right, but I proceeded anyhow. [Maybe this could be a lead in to other acting or modeling work!] When I showed up at the address he had given me, it was to an unkempt cheap motel. Inside the motel room was the producer, a small video camera and birthday cake spread out on the bed. [This wasn’t the prelude to the “Cake” remix by Rihanna, in case you were wondering!] Needless to say, the “commercial” involved getting cake on my pantyhose and my, otherwise, under-dressed

body and hosing it off in the shower while he (not a professional videographer) recorded it. This was to show how “durable” the pantyhose were. Needless to say, this “commercial” would not air on the next Macy’s promotional…it was a sick fetish fantasy that I was a part of. I never did get any production beats, but was given $100 for “being a good sport.” I was embarrassed, yet grateful that it did not lead to an even more compromising or dangerous situation. [Note to self: do no work without a contract, research all venues prior to participating in any event, yet again, bring someone with you! And if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t!]

After working with some great producers and writers in the following years, I had a few songs that were receiving a lot of attention on my social media and from some interested record labels. I wanted to make sure my songs were able to get a great mix; often a mix can make or break a great record. I decided to work with an established mix engineer who, though costly, did some great work. I traveled out of town to record a few songs with him and to sit-in on the mixing of some others (I did have someone, who was a male, whom I trusted, with me this time.) He flirted with me, at first, in a friendly way, but later on more aggressively, and made an advance while my male friend wasn’t around. At the time I was in a relationship and expressed that I was faithful; he stated that I should’ve told him that before. After that weekend, it took months for me to get my mixes back, despite the fact that I had already paid him several thousand dollars.

[Hey wait…didn’t I learn not to pay for anything without a contract or written agreement?]

I have many other accounts of experiences, where men have abused their power or attempted to take advantage of me (such as the time my co-writer encouraged me to sleep with a business manager, who was shopping one of our songs to major artists.) I think these stories speak enough to the difficulties aspiring women can deal with, in their attempts to break into the industry. We often make compromises when we are vulnerable or feel an opportunity is too good to pass up; usually, it’s just too good to be true. To this

day, I even wonder if I’d given in to some of the sexual advances I had been offered, if I would be further along than I am now. But I guess I’ll never know. It is hard enough developing your writing, producing, or engineering skills and working for placements or performing for less than sold out crowds, while having to navigate through a male-dominated, sex-filled industry, can prove to be impossible and demoralizing. Unfortunately, it is a necessary evil, unless you empower yourself with knowledge or are able to afford and/or put together a team of people who have the necessary knowledge and skills to help navigate for you. The more skills you have, the less you have to rely on other people, and the more marketable you are. Now I write, record, and mix my own music and choose to work with people when and where I want to. I’m working on music production, and have created my own record label where I develop and market other artists. I draft contracts before working with anyone, discuss and write splits immediately after a song is written, and have an entertainment lawyer to review every contract or endeavor prior to my commitment to it. My experiences have taught me to be as multifaceted as possible, and has led me to become more independent and in a better position to negotiate and navigate the rocky ocean of the industry.

Aside from the creative aspect of music, the business of music is the single most important aspect that one must understand. Additionally, knowing what you believe and what your boundaries are, will go a long way in avoiding situations that compromise your integrity. Make sure you and everyone on your team know who you are, what you believe, and how you wish to be portrayed in this world, because some things are hard to take back once they are out there. I hope my stories help shed some light onto the, often hidden and darker aspects, of the music industry and help you to make wise decisions in your endeavor to climb the ladder of success! Best of luck!

R

egardless of where you’re from, how old you are, no matter how naive or self-conscious you seem to be, I think every girl knows when she is being hunted. I, also, believe that, we, as artists feel that the pull to create comes as naturally as anything does, and often we are informed of our affinity for that passion by those who share it. Unfortunately, as if to balance this out, we, sometimes, are reminded of it by those who want to exploit it. The first time this happened to me, I was nineteen.

I often see a curiosity spark in people’s eyes when I tell them I’m from Utah. Sometimes it’s shock, sometimes it appears to be pity, and sometimes it’s like they have this great idea and feel it has just become their job to “teach me” … no specific lesson though.

One particular gentleman, let me know (within minutes and waves of inappropriate hints, throughout the duration of our first session) that he felt a certain responsibility to me. He smiled and told me he knew just what to do with me, and that I should be weary of anyone who wanted to control my blessings. He made it a point to pull out the first suitcase of money I’d ever seen in person. He wanted to fund my career, put me in a nice house, “allow” me to avoid “working a real job,” and “make me the Kimora Lee to his Russell.” Being raised in a traditional Filipino home in a nice, family-oriented Midwest town, I politely declined.

I have been offered deals under the condition that I market myself as the “fantasy” Asian, dressing as a schoolgirl or getting surgeries to look like the “classic car model.”

Every time I see this spark go off in someone’s eyes, I think about the first man (and I use the term “man” loosely) to offer me anything of that nature, and I immediately find myself a quiet step ahead of whoever is either foolish or, sadly, successful enough in their hunting, to think of me as prey; thanking him for teaching me exactly what he said he would.

The fact that there are people who want to take advantage of others, is not what makes me most upset, because as much as I want there to be good in all people, there is evil as well... or at least ego. The thing that saddens me the most is that, with every encounter like this, every inappropriate advance made toward me, it hardens me and I am less soft, less warm, and less welcoming to the next person I meet. I don’t want to assume that people are bad or conniving, and I get angry with myself when my guard is up. Music is a way for me to connect with people, and art is a way for us to express ourselves. I wish I didn’t have to feel the need to remain guarded in a place that gives me so much freedom.

F

irst off, let’s get one thing straight… I’ve gotten this far, in my career, without bending my back for NO man! I was raised by my militant father, Capt. Ferrer, who, to this day, will still “check me,” all the way from the Philippines, on photos posted to social media, if I wear something too provocative or sexual. I was born in Manila, and I’m the “OG Thrilla from Manila.” Sometimes, I do feel like Muhammad Ali, fighting my way through this industry, where things are only given when you’re giving it up.

I’ve been singing since I was a fetus in my mother’s womb. Growing up in the Philippines, where they only played what was on top of the Billboard charts, my influences in music were extensive. Upon coming to America, my first U.S. show was at Leimert Park in Inglewood, CA. I stood out like a sore thumb. Being Asian with a big voice was unheard of in the mainstream industry. None of my family or friends were in the music business, so I had to learn and meet people on my own, and fall on my own.

The “typical Filipino” was studying to be a nurse, doctor, accountant or any typical corporate career that was “safe.” No matter what anyone said, I followed my purpose and what’s in my heart- MUSIC! Coming from a sheltered upbringing, I was thrown to the wolves as soon as I stepped into the industry.

At 18 years old, there were people using me to bait a successful entertainment lawyer to get their artist signed. I, innocently, was advised to come to the lawyer’s office, after hours. He seemed to be in his 40’s at the time, and I knew something didn’t feel right, but I just followed orders, thinking the “team” of people, whom I thought had my back, were trying to help me with my career too. The lawyer asked me to play strip poker in his office. Without hesitation, I decided to leave. That was my first taste of the sickening pursuit of men in this industry. From that moment on, I promised myself I would work very hard to prove that I had both talent and brains, underneath the “image” people see.

As my musical journey continued, I was fortunate enough to be referred to Dwayne Wayans, by my hairdresser. He invited me to his studio, and to my surprise, I drove into the Walt Disney parking lot in Burbank where “My Wife and Kids” was filmed.

He was the musical composer for the show. I worked with him in the studio, almost every day, for four years. Dwayne was, probably, one of the very few people that never looked at me in a sexual way, and is still one of my best friends to this date, and

a great mentor in my music career. I was taught not to be a “whore” in this industry, and, again, I was protected from the wolves. He told me to “perform, perform, perform,” as he would say it; so I did. I became the first Asian mainstream unsigned artist to perform all over Hollywood. I was all over flyers, red carpets, and I even got a spot being a radio host for 102.3 KJLH on Saturday nights (Stevie Wonder’s radio station).

My battle wasn’t just being a female in this game, but also my background. I was always asked if I could really “bring it” or could I actually “sang.” Asians don’t get opportunities on stage and to perform in Hollywood, and the only ones you see are probably in porn or were just “gimmicks.” However, I did it and kept pushing! I opened up for Keyshia Cole, Nelly, Twista, and more, and each time I got on stage, I surprised the audience… then came the “wolves.” I was a target of a lot of producers and music execs for their “sexual fantasies.” I tried to explore working with other producers, outside of my main producer Dwayne, however most would not work with me unless I paid them up front, acting as if I had a “sugar daddy” funding me. At 19 years old, I worked a corporate job as the Director of Marketing for an online car company, so I funded myself throughout the business. Unfortunately, my salary wasn’t enough to pay the ridiculous fees people asked for, after all I was only 19 and had no management at the time, nor did I even know what a “team,” “branding,” or “publishing,” and other musical jargon, even meant. I just focused on music, and did what I loved, without losing my dignity. I did a lot a lot of free shows, to gain publicity, and met a lot of people, on my quest, who wanted to be around me just so they could get a piece of what I was offering.

The time came when I decided to spread my wings and grow up. I had legendary rappers wanting me to be a part of their team… but as long as I was, also, the chick that was down for whatever the team had in mind for me. There was this one instance, a music director took me to the studio and a famous football player was invited to watch me record. I was initially cordial, but the player tried to get too fresh with me, and I pushed him away. He said, “F*ck you, you stupid b*tch,” in my face, because he felt stupid that I shut him down.

I responded, “I rebuke the devil out of you in the name of Jesus.”

The whole room got quiet. I heard a few chuckles, but they were scared. The music director pulled me to the side; I thought he was checking to see if I was OK, instead he said, “What the f*ck is wrong with you? Do you know who that man is? Do whatever the man tells you to do, he’s funding our project!”

That was another eye-opener. I was being “pimped,” and that was the first time I realized what that

word even meant. I left the studio and never worked with those people again.

Another experience involved an agent, who was considered one of the top in the industry. He said he was too busy to meet with me and suggested coming over my apartment, and for me to “impress him” by wearing something sexy. (Are you kidding me?) Sometimes the comments and thirst of certain men were so discouraging, it’s hurtful. Thank God I can actually sing, and I know I have something to offer to the world, more than ass, but the music industry has really broken my heart in more ways than one. It’s comparable to finding the perfect lover you’re going to marry. I’ve had to kiss many frogs before finding my prince-- the right team, the right song.

Recently, I was offered to be in the presence of one of the greatest musicians on the world. He said he’d work on my EP, as long as I gave him what he wanted all the time… basically to be his side-chick. This was, probably, one of the worst encounters I had, because I fell for the guy. I thought my “Mr. Prince Charming” finally came, then I woke up and found out he had a woman he lived with. He stated he would work on my music, as long as no one knew what was going on behind closed doors between us. I’m not a woman to be kept as a secret, and if I was, it would be under specific circumstances like protecting my private life from the media and public, not in a conniving way.

Being a singer may not seem to be ideal for “wifey” or “girlfriend” material. We come home from the studio at 7 a.m., and work with a bunch of men, which is not considered “normal.” Sometimes I wish I was “normal,” living in a house with a white picket fence, dating the man I’m supposed to marry by now, but, unfortunately, it’s not that easy. We, as women, have to be desirable in the public eye; the bigger the star, the brighter the glow. We attract people from left and right; from pumping our gas to walking down the street, we get harassed. It’s just a matter of figuring out how to work my way around the B.S. that comes with the game. The only thing that keeps me in this game, is the purpose God gave me, knowing I’m different. There’s still no Asian-American artist with a household name… none! I’m just here living my purpose, which is beyond me and beyond being famous. I have a voice that God gave me as a special gift, and I’m just following His orders.

I

had the opportunity to write for a European girl group. Many of the sessions took place in a home studio, at the engineer’s residence. Originally, I was only supposed to write and demo the songs, but at the engineer’s request, I was asked to stay on as a vocal coach during the group’s sessions.

The engineer was obvious about his interest to get to know me on a personal level, and took every opportunity to tell me about the, many, opportunities that he’d love to connect me with. One particular opportunity involved singing background on a nationwide tour with a famous 90’s R&B group.

He said they were having auditions and he wanted to take me. At the time, I was mobile and thought it’d be a better idea to meet him at the location. He insisted that we ride together and, after going back and forth for a while, I agreed to ride with him.

He asked me to meet him at his house, but when I arrived, he was still getting dressed. He asked me to come in and wait, as he finished getting ready, but walked around half dressed. He proceeded to, then, question me about my personal life and expressed his interest in “dating.” I was, overly, uncomfortable, but managed to keep the conversation from going completely left, reminding him that we were supposed to be heading to the audition.

We, finally, left the house and headed to the audition. The entire ride over, he spoke about what a great team/power couple we could be. In his words, “being my woman comes with a lot of advantages.” Needless to say, I knew that any connect, through him, would come with a price, or a least he would feel that way.

As we pulled up to the location, I was shocked to see that we were at a strip club, but I kept my cool. Supposedly, the artist/group were partial owners of the establishment and used a back room for rehearsals. It turned out that the audition was legitimate, but due to prior commitments, I was unavailable for the tour dates.

I was, actually, relieved to have an out. I thanked him for the opportunity and quickly found a reason to get back to my car and leave.

I

used to be a private school teacher until I finally decided to pursue another passion of mine- a music career. After networking and even being contacted directly by some industry professionals, I quickly discovered that all that glitters definitely isn’t gold in the music business. For starters, being a woman in a male-dominated industry is a challenge in itself; adding the label of being “attractive” or “sexy,” makes it even more difficult. My singing ability and physical appearance opened some amazing doors for me. However, the problem was that these doors were opened by men who only cared about sex, money and power. Music was the hook, and promises of a career, was the bait.

I met the VP of a well-known major record label, who also happened to be a successful record producer. During one meeting, in particular, he gave me some “free industry advice.”

He said, “To get a label to sign you, you will need a hot track, and to get a hot song you will need an amazing producer, the best actually. And I can make this happen for you.”

Sounds perfect, right? What are the odds that within a few months of pursuing a singing career, I would meet a producer who believed in my talent, who worked with countless established artists, had an unfathomable amount of connections and was the vice-pres-

ident of a major label? I thought it was the perfect scenario... almost too good of a scenario. I just knew he would be able to jumpstart my music career.

After what felt like an eternity of hearing him ramble about his accolades and what he could do for me, I was asked if I had any questions about the business. I went with the cliché question of: how do I really get started. We have all heard the traditional story of an artist recording a demo and shopping it to a label via the help of a manager or lawyer, but I wanted to know the real process of how to get discovered and signed; after all, I had a demo that displayed my potential, but now what? He told me that unless I had $70,000 to pay him for music, I would need to be like many other women in this industry, and compensate him in “other ways.” He proceeded to list many well-known female artists that slept their way to stardom, and, unapologetically, said men controlled the industry, and many of these men use sex, money and/or power to run it. Being that I didn’t have $70,000 to pay for the tracks, I would have to give him sex in return. Instead of outright revealing his intentions, he tried to play the, “I REALLY believe in you and feel you are that something ‘different’ this industry is needing,” card. He offered to move me into an apartment in the Valley, give me a new car, and have me in the studio with him and his team every day. I have always made my own money, so after making that known, he offered me the chance to earn money by recording songs for a popular

TV show, that he was the music supervisor for. The ultimate catch was he wanted me to return the favor by having sex with him whenever he wanted; in other words, I was to be one of his studio girlfriends.” I, of course, avoided him like a plague.

Although I maintained contact with him, his business proposals always felt more like a pimping proposal than a music adventure.

After meeting a handful of other sheisty multi-award-winning producers, A&R’s and VP’s, I quickly learned just how sheltered and unprepared I was for this industry. I learned not to become too friendly with these music industry associates, and that if a producer truly believes in you and your project, you don’t have to provide much, if any, upfront money. Honest producers will just squeeze you in when they can. I now avoid going to studio sessions or meetings alone, and always bring a family member or close friend, that can be an extra set of eyes and ears. Unfortunately, there was a situation where my sister went to the restroom, and a married producer/engineer turned around in his chair and forced his lips against mine. I now avoid being alone in the studio with any producer, at any time. Again this is a business…you are a business. Without the artists there would be no producers or labels, so treat every venture as a business venture, and play these men as such.

Know that you NEVER have to sleep with anyone to advance your career! You just need the RIGHT people who believe in your talent and vision. After countless propositions, I began to really question my talent, so I stopped singing for a while, but let’s be honest, when you have music pumping through your veins, you never completely stop. I just learned who was trying to use me, and who really believed in me.

M

y experience began when I was about 18 years old. I was still new to the music industry, having only worked with one producer on a six track demo, at the age of 16. I was discovered by a man who was affiliated with The Artist Factory, in downtown Atlanta. He was amazed by my vocal ability and wanted me to join a girl group that required me to go through a “boot camp” to test my stamina, and if I was really ready for that lifestyle. However, one of the girls got pregnant and another got married.

The group fell through, and I thought that was the end of my dreams.

I met my, current, boyfriend about six months before my 18th birthday, and realized that he was a recording artist as well. This was perfect! I could, finally, be with someone who understood what it took to be an artist.

Little did I know, the most professional producers, engineers, and label owners, in the business, don’t care about boyfriends. They don’t want your boyfriend around while you are in a session and will make excuses to try to get him to leave. This should be your first clue that something is wrong.

Two years after the collapse of the girl group, I received a Facebook message from the same man who recruited me to The Artist Factory. At this point in my life, I started a duo group with my boyfriend, who was the “nice looking rapper,” and I was the “pretty girl with the big voice.” The recruiter told me he saw our music page on Facebook, remembered me and wanted to give me another opportunity to become famous.

My mentality was, “No way! You won’t split my group up. Either you take us as a package, or not at all!” I could tell this upset him. He did not want a rapper, but I was very stubborn at 20 years old, so, eventually, he stopped communication for quite a while.

It wasn’t until I was 23, that the recruiter “had something good for me.” I kept thinking, how could someone want my voice, that much, to keep going back and forth? He told me that he worked for Universal and a producer wanted to, eagerly, work with me. By this time, I deleted my personal Facebook page, however he tried to persuade me to make a new one. For personal reasons, I did not want a new Facebook, which seemed to upset him. He said, nobody would want to work with me without a Facebook, and threatened that if I didn’t make a new page, he wouldn’t sign me to Universal. He really broke down my self-esteem and said, “You and this producer need to be the next “Stevie J and Joseline Hernandez.” I was so upset!

I was, and still am, in love with my boyfriend. I would never jeopardize my relationship to have a fling with a producer that may or may not, even, be real. I told him I would NEVER be that artist. The recruiter harassed me for nearly six years, on and off. I was so embarrassed that this man would even suggest that I have sex with this producer for a record deal. After I turned his disgusting offer down, he told me that I was a nobody and that I needed to do this to be famous. Now that I look back on the whole ordeal, maybe the recruiter was the producer. He harassed me for quite some time.

My tip to other women, trying to get their foot in the door, is: THINK! You do not need to have sex or flings with someone who offers you a record or production deal. If someone truly believes in you, they will NEVER ask those things of you.

new, but he already had signed acts and was looking for more. I met him at a music event in San Antonio, Texas, where he heard me sing and immediately wanted me to be part of a group he already had on his label. He informed me that the situation was already set up, but they were looking for a fourth girl for the group. I formed a girl group in high school, and I knew how chaotic it could become. I declined his offer, but he was persistent in wanting me in the group. After several failed attempts, he then offered to fund a solo project for me. I was now interested in doing business with him, but I still didn’t quite understand the concept of someone believing in my dream.

I

decided very young that I wanted to be an entertainer.

Music was my first love. Growing up in Clarksdale, Mississippi, my big dreams, as a young country girl, seemed too extravagant to many of my elders who believed the cost could be too great.

I learned early on that connections were everything in the music business, but I never fully understood the significance of this lesson until I was old enough to pursue my dreams on my own. I began professionally writing and singing, and I spent a lot of time in the studio singing hooks and background vocals for other artists. I attended a lot of networking events where I quickly learned that there was more to the “music business” than meets the eye.

I met a man who owned a subsidiary label under Virgin Records during a time a major producer was represented on the same label. The subsidiary label was relatively

The label’s CEO’s and producer’s families were already in the business and had successful careers, so there was no doubt that this person could help me. I just wanted the best situation for myself so that I could be proud of the steps I was taking. I was no one in the music business at the time, but this CEO believed I could be the next “Big Thing.” I began going to the studio with him to listen to tracks to start writing and recording to. One of his studios was in his home. That’s when I begin to see the inside of his world. The girls from the group he was developing on the label were living in his home. They walked around almost nude as if he wasn’t there, which confused me. The girls didn’t like me, but I quickly learned that they were all sleeping with him for a chance at a music career and to maintain their lifestyle. After discovering this, I was seriously questioning his motives for helping me, because I had no plans of lowering my standards. He informed me that to “make it,” all lower their standards to some degree.

He began making advances toward me, which made me cold. He offered me money, housing, and more stability in my life at the expense of me being another woman in his control. He said, “Your attitude towards the situation is everything,” and that I shouldn’t see it as control, but guidance. I turned down the entire situation. I turned down a lot. I believe his fascination with the fact that I had morals made him want to work with me more, but I knew I couldn’t trust him. The decision I made was one I felt I needed to make in order to be able to live with my morals intact. I came first.

Eventually, I got to know this CEO as a friend, and I later won his complete respect. He would frequently ask about my music and how I was doing, but I was more interested in meeting musical mentors along the way that truly guided me and helped me without extra baggage and selfish expectations. His girl group skyrocketed to success after the release of their first single, and it was bittersweet because I knew the price they had to pay.

As an indie artist, I know there are many routes that I could’ve taken. A lot of these routes, however, would not have gained me the respect that means the most to me, which is the respect of my professional peers. The music industry continues to be male-dominated, and this story is one of many encounters I’ve had. I cannot say all males in the industry are bad though. One of my influential music mentors has been Jazz of Dru Hill, who has been a positive force and motivator in guiding my music. As I’ve worked with him over the years, he has shown me how to respectfully network, connect, and work persistently to build my brand. I am forever grateful for men like Jazz. I just know now that not all men in higher positions are the same.

The most valuable advice I can give women who want to be in this business is: 1. Connect with positive-minded people who see the potential in your craft, not your body.

2. Learn as much as you can about the craft you want to pursue. Take classes and lessons.

3. Invest in yourself. Don’t depend on others to do everything because that is how you become vulnerable.

4. Find a publicist who can help you find events that are appropriate for your brand.

5. Work harder than anyone that is working for you.

6. Move to the right city where work is available and where you can benefit from your art form.

7. Create standards for yourself and refuse to settle for anything less.

8. Love the process. Don’t rush it or force it, and never give up.

I

could go on and on, in endless amount of detail, about various times I’ve been in uncomfortable circumstances with men in the music industry, however, I’d like to shed light on just a few of instances.

made me wonder if I wasn’t talented enough, so after that, I started to distance myself from him.

Another uncomfortable instance was when I was only 18 years old. I had a manager who was able to get me a session with a renowned producer (at that time). When my I have always been a hustler (much like many other female artists) trying to prove I can actually sing, dance and manager stepped out to chat with someone, the producer write, therefore, I was excited when a high-level manager/ cornered me and proceeded to try and put his hands down my pants. I froze, out of fear, because he was so much executive, who was a part of an elite music management bigger than me. Thank God, my manager came back in, agency, agreed to meet with me. He said he loved my and the producer stepped away from me fast. I never said voice and look, but I needed better music. I pushed for a meeting in New York so we could go through his produc- anything, due to his power, and I didn’t want to ruin my chances with him. tion team list, etc. The first few meetings were harmless, very professional and very exciting, then one occasion I was alone with him, he asked me to grab dinner; I agreed. These are only two, of many, instances I have encountered with men in the industry who abused their power.

He made sure I was tipsy, and we kept getting refills on There are more foul stories, where producers have tried to drinks. He then asked me if I “hook up” with people, seduce me in the studio, which I prefer not to get into deopenly, in the industry. This threw me off guard, because tail about. There have been instances where I have feared never did we have a talk, of that nature, come up. I told him I did not understand, so he said, “I’ll tell you what. If my life and possibility of getting raped. I want to make you come back with me to LA, stay with me and show me sure I caution women, because it DOES HAPPEN more than people think. a good time, I will, not only, take you as my date to the GRAMMY’s, I will, also, make sure you get a good record deal. I have many connections.” I was disgusted that he made me feel like I had to trade my body for a deal. It

A

ll of my life, I’ve endured things like fallen hopes and shattered dreams, but I never gave up. I continued to sing because it’s my desire. I gave my all and poured my heart into every page and every thought, still pushing the pen, so I wouldn’t go soft... because I’m on fire.” – Jaies I’ve always been drawn to the entertainment industry, much like a moth to a flame. I was always fascinated by different genres of music, from classical, to R&B, to classic rock (and the list goes on) just thinking of how each genre was equally beautiful in its own way. Over the years, I became jaded, and on many occasions, came really close to just completely walking away and taking the path of least resistance– much easier than the path of a female artist. As a female artist, it’s the whole “dangling of the carrot” nonsense, in terms of a record deal or opportunity, in exchange for something much more valuable… your sense of self, your compromise…your soul.

I have traveled to many showcases, studio sessions, and meetings with stars in my eyes, thinking, I was personally invited so this HAD to be it, my big break; only to leave questioning why am I even still trying to do this, what the hell was I thinking, or realizing, that this was just like EVERY other time. What it comes down to, is do you want to have sex or not? Now that’s the real question. They want to know how bad you want it, then they go down a slew of A-list celebrities, stating, “well she did this and she did that to get where she is; you are going to HAVE to give it up one way or the other, so you might as well give it to someone like me who can help you.” But, do I? I guess so, because every door that I have approached has been slammed shut in my face as soon as they hear that the answer is no.

A few years ago, I thought this was IT! I called my parents, my family and friends and told them this was “for real” this time, because I talked to the producer/founder of a prominent record label. There was a contest, you submitted your photos and music to, for a chance to be an artist, model with their clothing line, and have a tennis shoe named after you. Since everyone knew of the label and their artists were climbing the charts at that time, when I got the call, I was over the moon! I just KNEW it was legit… or so I thought; so I told everybody! Everyone was so excited, as was I, as I anticipated the follow-up call and paperwork.

When I finally spoke with him, he congratulated me, told me that he enjoyed my music and pictures, why I was chosen, and thought that I would be a great fit with the label. He stated that I would receive a $10,000 stipend to give to the charity of my choice each year, so that I appeared humanitarian, I would have the newest female shoe, named after to me, added to their line that year, and the artist and modeling contract advance would be two million dollars. The first two things that he mentioned seemed okay, but, two million dollars?! Right then, I knew something was NOT right. An unknown artist, getting that kind of advance?

Hell no. When I mentioned my concerns about the two million dollars, explaining how that was a lot for an unknown artist to have recouped, he stated, “Well Ms. Baptiste, sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.” That wiped the smile clean off my face, because yet again, here we go! I asked, “So, will I have to take nude pictures, or something like that?”

He stated, “Somewhat.”

I asked, “What was the rest of it?”

So… he broke it down for me: If I signed, I would have to do six pornographic films a year that would be sold overseas, I would learn how to cater to a high-end clientele, I would have to go to Philadelphia to live with a pimp, so that he could show me how to “properly please a man,” and only when he said I was ready, could I come back and begin work on the album.

He stated, “The reason we are paying you so much, is because we don’t want another issue, like what happened with (a famous NBA player) where a woman stated he raped her and tried to sue him. That wouldn’t happen here. You would have your own money, so this would put our clients at ease, plus they would still pay you on top of what you already make. These are celebrities. We would send the official letter welcoming you to our label, but you would go directly to Philadelphia for your ‘training’ first.”

I was so dumbfounded, that tears began to roll down my face. My freaking heart hurt, and on top of that, I was super embarrassed because I had told everyone that I had this deal, no doubt. DAMN! Yes, I had been propositioned for sex, multiple times in this industry, but NEVER had someone with so much industry power have the gall and audacity to approach me with a proposal to be a high-priced hoe, basically a prostitute. I could barely whisper, “Is there no other way? There has to be other women who would gladly do this. Why couldn’t I just be an artist and you make your money off of me that way? I don’t need two million dollars. I’d be good with $150,000.”

He snapped back, “Is that a NO? Do you understand the opportunity that you are passing up here?”

I didn’t see it as an opportunity; what I saw was a scam to sell women into prostitution. I could see now, that there was never a deal on the table, that I’d never see a microphone or a tennis shoe with my name on it, and definitely not two million dollars.

I told him that I had another offer at that time, and I was going to go that route to see how that panned out. I didn’t know how far he could reach out and touch me, being who he was, so I didn’t want to get into a conflict with him. When he knew that my answer was no, he told me, “If you ever discuss this with anyone, just know that we have a team of 32 attorneys.”

I never heard from him again, and I’m fine with that.

M

y name is Courtney McManus. I’m a singer/songwriter from Middletown, New Jersey and have been in the music industry for 15 years. I’ve had great experiences working with very professional men, but on the other hand, I have experienced many inappropriate advances, initiated as an exchange for professional favors and false promises.

For women, it can be a jungle out there. More often than not, we are treated as prey. Sex is often used as a bargaining chip; a slight touch on your lower back, a hand on your knee, accompanied by an off-color comment, that could make anyone cringe, is all too common.

I was once offered a tour, and full tour support from a man who said he wanted to help me. He said he believed in my talent, and that I had what it took to make it to the top. He told me that he needed to stay in the same hotel room with me, while on tour, in order to keep me safe. Moments later, he proceeded to tell me how sexy I was, which made every inch of my skin crawl. I confronted him and told him how unprofessional he was being, and that he was making me feel uncomfortable. He, slyly, told me, “Well you want my help, don’t you?”

That was it for me. I walked away feeling used and defeated, knowing I would have to start over.

Since then, I have been offered many meetings and introduc-

tions, to big managers, saying they want nothing in return, but I’ve started paying attention to their body language, their tone, and I look for proof of what they were promising, however, it’s not always so black and white. It’s, often, the little comments, that make you feel uncomfortable, but are too afraid to confront. Nobody wants to be “that girl” and lose the opportunity of a lifetime or her dream.

I am wise to certain types of behavior, such as “grooming.” I am a sexual assault survivor and activist and speak on sexual violence at many different universities. I can, now, sense that “red flag.” I spend most of my time in this male-dominated industry, and while most of the men are professional, there are a few bad eggs.

Music is my passion; it is all I have ever wanted to do. I feel blessed to have met and worked with amazing people, who share the same love of music that I do. I truly feel for the young women, who are chasing their dreams, and are exposed to the dirty part of this business. Although it is a small part, it can have a terrible impact or outcome for a young vulnerable girl. I am no longer that vulnerable girl. No deal, no financial backing, or silly empty promise is worth being disrespected or mistreated! There are red flags everywhere, if you know what to look for.

I

’m a singer/songwriter and composer, who has written a few songs that I wanted to get produced. However, every time I would meet a producer to discuss terms, price and details of the song, they would start flirting and saying that they would “hook me up” with production, if I would go on a date with them. I only wanted a produced song, yet things, usually, became uncomfortable every time I’d take a meeting.

One time, I met someone, who heard my song, and said he would give the song to Timbaland to hear, because they were good friends. The next day, he insisted I meet him at the hotel, so we could go to the studio together, for the meeting. When I arrived at the lobby, he called and asked me to come upstairs for a second. I knew this was leading to something suspicious, but I didn’t want to lose my chance at the Timbaland meeting. I went to up to the room, and next thing I know, he became physically forceful with me and wouldn’t let go-- I felt helpless-- then, I felt stupid and ashamed, especially after he said the meeting, at the studio, had been rescheduled.

Joelle Sahar

I

’d left Chicago with a van full of everything I needed to tour, indefinitely. Some thought I was brave, but most worried about a girl on the road on her own. Over a year passed. Nearly 85,000 miles and hundreds of shows later, I was heading down the west coast for the third time. I had a meeting scheduled in LA with the manager of one of my musical heroes. His band had been the soundscape for many significant moments and as I drove through the Hollywood Hills toward my fate, his song came on the radio. I was one degree away from my hero and sure I would be his next protégé.

The manager set me up with a studio session the next day to record vocals for one of his other artists. He said it’d be a good stepping-stone to working with my hero.

He arranged for someone to meet me and take me to the studio. I could stay there that night. “Jason” (a name I will use as an alias to maintain anonymity) made me feel uneasy immediately. He insisted that I was extremely lucky to be there. He made promises of opportunities to come and told me to stay out of the way and hold my tongue during the session. I wanted him to leave, but he opened a bottle of port and offered me a glass. I took a sip and felt something besides liquid slip down my throat. My body buzzed with fear and a few minutes later, I felt myself starting to slip into a haze as “Jason” moved closer and laid his hand on my leg. At first, my body was frozen as my heart sank. Then, my survival instinct kicked in and I heard my own voice scream, “Get up!” I refused to be prey in the name of opportunity. I made it to the bathroom, locked the door and stood in front of the mirror. “Just stay here,” I whispered to myself. The knock on the door made me cringe and I managed to say, “I’m fine,” as I shrunk to the floor feeling the despair of disappointment and the heaviness of the drug. I awoke the next day and though the previous night was fuzzy, I remembered waiting there until I heard “Jason” leave. I knew without a doubt that I had escaped something terrible.

The studio started to bustle and soon there was a posse of guys swarming around. I was clearly unwelcome and intentionally ignored. I wanted to get as far away as I

could from these people, but I remembered my hero. I decided to wait it out a little longer thinking somehow this could still lead me to him. “Jason” arrived, and was even sleazier in the light of day. In an awkward moment, he tried to explain to the artist and crew that I was sent by “so-and-so” to sing on the record. Their response was clear. I would not be tracking any vocals that day. At that point, nothing else mattered to me besides getting the hell out of that dark little corner of the entertainment world. I left feeling defeated and as I drove out of LA, I just wanted to go to the home I didn’t have. I knew it was time to stop, to reflect and to close the chapter on this phase of my life and career. I’d been so close, but I knew my worth and not even the promise of success would allow me to sacrifice myself.

Weeks later, I awoke from a dream. I was standing in the calm center of a cyclone and holding the base of it between both hands.

There was a storm on its way and I was anxious about driving up to Colorado for a gig. I left at night and a couple of hours in, the highway had become a sheet of black ice. Without warning, I found myself sliding sideways down the road. There was no regaining control. I grabbed the wheel with both hands and braced myself. The wheels hit the dirt, the van rolled, then all went silent as I felt arms wrap around me, holding me as if I was suspended in mid-air. The van rolled one more complete time and came to rest upside down on a set of train tracks. I unhooked my seatbelt, fell to the ground, and scrambled out of the van. I turned and looked at my wrecked chariot, the light was on inside the car and I wondered if I wasn’t still in there. Besides a throbbing head, everything seemed in order. I went back in for my guitar.

In the light of the full moon, I looked around slowly. Scattered along the side of the road, were pieces of my long musical journey and me. A big diesel pick-up stopped and Phil and Luanne got out. They were my angels. We called the police, but the only one to show up was Buddy the Car-quest driver. He told us that at precisely 12:10 a.m., a train would come. Soon, we saw the tiny light of the train coming down the tracks. I held my breath for what seemed like forever, as the train came closer and closer. A part of me was still in there and was about to die; a part of me who’s past was ready to fade away. I gasped as the train made those final strides toward the car. The explosion of glass and metal was amazing. The engineer hit the brakes. The train screeched down the tracks and came to a stop with the van curled beneath it. Luanne held me as I sobbed, uncontrollably. I had died.

Phil and Luanne dropped me at the Days Inn in Colorado Springs. I finally lay down and took what felt like my first breath. In the stillness, I could feel every cell in my body shaking like chaos trying to come together. There were things that I had left on the side of that road. There were fears that were knocked out of me forever. That was my chance. A doorway opened for me to do with it what I wanted... stay or go. I wanted to live. I wanted to keep making music and I would never again allow my life and purpose to be taken for granted.

Every once in a while, we are delivered to the clear awareness that we are undoubtedly blessed and life is precious. The events that catapult us into states of awe and grace are the snapshots we carry in our minds as we handle the challenges of life and dreams. While music has saved me time and time again, the crash was a milestone. It was raw and profound; intensely swift and quick like a warrior’s sword.

I

was introduced to a male producer; let’s call him “Tony” (to maintain anonymity), through a mutual friend of ours. Tony resided in Atlanta, and during one of my many trips to the city, I had a meeting arranged with him by our mutual friend. I was excited to say the least.

This was a new opportunity to work with a new producer and bring something fresh to my musical career. Music has always been another passion of mine (in addition to acting), so being able to meet with Tony, knowing all that he has already contributed to the music industry, had me super giddy.

I met Tony at his studio. He showed me around and I was very impressed. We sat in one of many recording rooms, and discussed my musical goals and what I wanted out of my project. We bounced around many ideas, and I was pretty much sold. Not that I trust too soon, but, I felt as if Tony completely understood where I was coming from and how hard I was prepared to work to have my voice, story and music heard, in a very positive way. We set a date to meet the following week, right before I was to fly back to LA. Tony had mentioned a team of producers and musicians that he wanted to bring to the table, those that would bring live instrumentation to my project and allow me to have a sound that no one has ever heard before; something different and unique, something Kiami. I was elated, and I let Tony know that while I would be caring for my family and personal matters, I’d be writing and come prepared with some material for everyone to hear when we met again.

During the middle of the following week, Tony called me and explained that we had an issue. He proceeded to tell me that his team wasn’t coming to an agreement with the payment of the project, and that I needed to meet with everyone before we decided to go any further. I agreed, and met Tony and his “posse” at the studio the following day. There were two other males that showed up with Tony for this meeting. I wasn’t uncomfortable because I know how to hold my own, but I was cautious because it was a bit of an awkward situation. One of Tony’s friends wasted no time delving right into the topic of discussion, stating that we wouldn’t be able to proceed with them being apart of the project unless I could be prepared to pay $50,000

per track. I thought that was absolutely ridiculous and I told him straight up, “No!” I wasn’t prepared to even agree to that type of money when I had no idea who they were or what kind of reputation their music had, and it was total foolery for this stage of the game. I, also, explained to this friend, that Tony and I had previously agreed upon a figure, and as far as I was concerned that was not up for discussion. Tony’s friend then came behind me, stroked my hair and said, “Well, do you need a sugar daddy? Someone who can front you the money to do what you need to do? How bad do you want it?” Tony laughed and so did the other stranger in the room. Tony said, “Yeah Kiami, I mean, we can probably work this out, But it’s gonna cost.

What are you willing to pay? I mean, after all, sex rules this industry…so...are you down? I mean, for real, you gotta spread it before you record it” I was astonished. This was the first time that I had ever been in a situation like this. I didn’t know what to do or think at that moment, and at that point I became totally internally paranoid. I knew that I had to remove myself from the situation, AND FAST, before it became something I couldn’t escape. I looked at Tony and both of his friends, and simply said, “Gentlemen, thank you for your...um... generous offer, but I must respectfully decline. I love me way too much to degrade myself.” I quickly gathered my things and walked as fast as my 5-foot frame would carry me. I heard them as I was walking out say, “Well good luck, you’ll never make it!”

Needless to say, I’m proving them wrong! And have kept my clothes on and dignity in tact in the process.

My advice to women in the music industry would be: You never have to lower the standards you set for yourself to get what God has destined for you to have. The blessings that are meant for you will never require you to degrade yourself, or be any less than the queen you are. You are to be treated with decency and respect; therefore, it’s important to remember that anyone who doesn’t treat you accordingly is most certainly not tied to your dreams and destiny. Stay focused. It may take you longer to get to where you’re going because you’re doing it correctly and honorably, and that’s ok. You’ll get there... I promise!

M

y name is Jaclyn Shaw, I am a classical guitar player and musical composer, producer and songwriter. I did really well, in New York, as a musician, and I received many offers, by older men, who wanted to work with me. I had a nice following, and was head of many groups, in the area, for artists to come together, collaborate and support each other, one, being a group called “Live Your Art New York.”

There was a man who was, musically inclined, but had a lucrative business writing labels for medical drugs, and writing and editing articles for medical journals; he was a millionaire and friends with the guitarist, who I was, occasionally, playing with. He offered to invest in me, while I developed my talents, which was exciting because it was difficult for me to pay off my college loan debt, from my Masters in Psychology, while simultaneously paying for expensive vocal lessons. He spent about $120 per lesson, which afforded me to go to a famous Broadway coach in Manhattan. He, also, paid, about $500 per session, for me to work with a recording engineer and producer, whose credits included Meatloaf and Michael Jackson, who wanted to market my songs to become more “accessible” to popular audiences. Although I was delighted to work with him, the producer wasn’t interested in working on my songs. He would play his own songs, and use my session time, to show me things that he had done in the past. When I expressed that I wanted to start focusing on my material, he would sit really close to me and talk to me while trying to touch my leg and stare into my eyes. I was finally angered by his advances and couldn’t take it as a, mere, friendly gesture anymore. I told him that I felt like he was overstepping boundaries and was making me feel uncomfortable.

After the incident, it became weird making music with the producer. I told my investor about it, who said there was nothing he could do about it, so, I recorded, mixed and mastered my CD, “Thread of Red,” on my own terms, with my own equipment. The CD did really

well, and funded a tour across America for two months.

Before I left on my tour, the investor offered usage of his house for me to film a music video. While I made arrangements for the video, he said something inappropriate to me, telling me that if I wasn’t doing anything, when he went on break, he would love to make out with me. I laughed at him, thinking he was kidding.

Evidently he wasn’t; when I finished with the video that day, he cut off all contact with me. He stopped all funding, and whenever I reached out to him, he wouldn’t respond. Since I was going full force, into the artistic realm, it was a bit of a struggle. It was unknown territory to me, & I didn’t know how to sustain a living doing it. I made the move to LA, thinking that I could take a leap and a “safety net” would appear, but, unfortunately, the net had been broken.

I feel that men, often, mistake being attracted to a woman as a need to have sexual relations with her.

Perhaps they are just attracted to the woman because they are meant to be in each other’s lives, in other capacities. When I was struggling, and was asked to leave the guesthouse that I was living in, so the landlord could rent it to out to his nephew, a fellow musician asked me to stay with him. He said, if I’d pay rent, he would be grateful, and would help me produce a CD. He was an artist, who was recently dropped by Epic Records, because they said they weren’t looking for any more rock acts. He was in a bit of debt, himself, so I figured he would understand the struggle.

After living with him for a couple of weeks, he told me that he had feelings for me and wanted to be intimate. Once I told him

that I wasn’t interested in him in that way, his attitude towards me changed. He no longer wanted to work with me musically, and for the remainder of the month that I stayed with him, he brought other female artists over to the house and worked with them. It was a big slap in the face, considering that I had gone out on a limb to help him out financially, when there were other, more feasible, spots to live in.

I ended up staying in LA, for a year, working creatively, and trying to enhance my musical and performance skills. I planned to leave California and head back to New York, so that I could work with an East Coast producer, who worked with many bands, and volunteered to produce, manage and shop me. Initially, he told me that he was interested in me, but I, immediately, told him that I had no sexual interest in him, not only because of the age difference, but because I didn’t feel a mutual attraction in that way. I told him that I would work with him, if and only if, he would never hit on me again. He vowed never to advance me, however, he, later, began to address me as “baby,” and he told me that he thought that once we met in person, I would fall for him. He saw no problem with this.

I told him that I wasn’t interested in working with him anymore, due to the way he was addressing me, and because he didn’t curb himself from “hitting on me,” in a professional relationship.

I haven’t had much luck with men in this industry, including with male band-mates. I would perform with them, then they would, either, hit on me or downplay my skills, because I am a woman.

It isn’t the best industry to work in, so I’ve decided to just go out on my own, play by myself, and make a living doing so. We’ll see how it goes.

T

here’s a certain association that comes with being a woman in the music industry. The association that in order to get through in the male-dominated music world as a woman, you better be willing to pass out a few “favors,” engage in certain relations, and accept a few advances.

Thankfully, it’s an association I was aware of when I decided to pursue a career in music. This awareness, accompanied by my determination to not fall victim to allowing myself to be taken advantage of in exchange for being able to “make it” musically, put me in an on-guard position, and guided my interactions with all music professionals I have worked with.

For me, being on-guard has meant that over the years I’ve constantly had to set boundaries with music professionals.

I’ve had to think twice before agreeing to work with individuals, and feel out whether there may be any non-music related agendas. I’ve had to, on more occasions than I can count, remind music professionals that I’m not their “babe” or “hun” and ask that they don’t address me that way. I’ve had to strive to ensure that I always uphold a certain level of independence in my music projects, by

maintaining properly documented agreements and sufficient funds to meet project costs so as to avoid any “free” assistance which may, actually, come at a cost.

But even so, that has not spared me from verbal sexual harassment, from not being taken seriously simply because I am a woman, or from being filled with empty promises from individuals with hidden agendas.

On experience in particular that I can share is when I had a marketing and brand manager, from a corporate company in Saint Lucia, assure me that my formal proposal to his company for sponsorship of airfare for me and my band to travel to Tobago to perform at the Tobago Jazz Experience. He assured me that the sponsorship had been approved and I could go ahead and formally accept the performance offering and sign the performance agreement. Soon after, I began to receive messages from him stating that he’d always had a crush on me and wanted to kiss me and get to know me better. I responded that I was uninterested on that level. Following my rejection of his inappropriate and unprofessional advances, the brand manager dodged my attempts to move forward professionally via telephone, email, and text. When I sought

follow up on the sponsorship proceeds, I was told each time that the check would be ready at a later date. Eventually, after following up with another representative from the company, I learned that no one in top management had ever seen my proposal and that the company was unable to approve the airfare sponsorship. This placed me in a panic over the possibility of suffering professional embarrassment and reneging on a signed contract with the Tobago House of Assembly, all because the brand manager hoped he would be able get in my pants by lying about the approved sponsorship. Thankfully, I was able to obtain sponsorship from another Saint Lucian corporate business in less than four weeks, which allowed me to meet my obligations and participate in the Tobago Jazz Experience.

The most recent case where I encountered a man in the music industry with a hidden agenda happened when I attended a music summit in Santa Monica, in hopes of gaining new knowledge and networking with music professionals. I was also slated to participate in a live performance showcase.

On day one, I was approached by a highly reputable music supervisor who asked about my music and style. When I said I was from Saint Lucia, he told me that he was responsible for placing one of Rihanna’s songs in a movie, and would be happy to take a listen to my music to decipher if any of my material was a right fit for any music projects he was, current-

ly, working on. Of course I was elated at this possibility, so we exchanged email and phone contacts.

It began with a simple text from him providing me with a link to his film and TV credits and inquiring if I was on Instagram.

Instagram contacts exchanged, he then texted to let me know he was disappointed that he wouldn’t be able to be at the live performance showcase, but he asked me to “hit him up after” if I was free. Thinking nothing of it, I responded, “Okay,” to which he replied with a kiss emoticon—the first sign that he wasn’t interested in just a musical connection. Although I found the text to be unprofessional and out of place, I simply chose to ignore it. Later that day, he texted to ask about the showcase and when would we get to hang out. Remembering my discomfort with the kiss emoticon, I responded that I had a business meeting so I could not hang out. He responded, “Okay,” and then asked if maybe I would want to get some Caribbean food the next day. I let him know that I would not mind getting Caribbean food, but my friend and music colleague would have to accompany me. He responded that this was fine, which set my mind at ease a little. Maybe there was no agenda, I began to think. However, his next message certainly revealed his true intentions, it read, “Do you need a boyfriend in LA? I volunteer.”

And there it was! The real agenda. That statement made it

crystal clear to me that the mention of placing a Rihanna track in a film, and his interest in listening to my music was nothing but bait. He hoped that I, as an upcoming artist, would see my interaction with him as a means of moving myself forward. Totally taken aback, I simply responded “No. I don’t.� Needless to say, that was the end of any further talk of music placements or interest in listening to my music, from that individual.

Indeed, it is a constant battle women are faced with fighting, to be taken seriously, and ensure that individuals are interested in working with us because they see music merit, and not merely because they like what they see from a physical point of view.

As women, we must constantly decipher whether our male colleagues are legitimate, whether their intentions are musical or sexually driven. It is truly unfortunate.

As someone who has constantly fought those battles, who thankfully has never been in a position where I have been used or taken advantage of, and has also been able to catch certain ill-intents before they caused me reputational damage, my advice to beautiful dreamers, to my sister artists, and music professionals is to constantly keep a look out. The bait usually begins with a subtle message or hint. Look out for those and be upfront from the get-go with these individuals that their behavior is unacceptable and not what you are about. Seek to enter into professional and signed agreements regarding your music projects that clearly

map out the expectations of each party and the pay. Avoid ambiguity, as it could lead to individuals making a claim that you owe them.

I strongly advocate that women maintain a certain level of control of their music craft. In order to do that, it is important to be educated on how the music business works, so that you are able to notice if something being promised seems wrong. For me, another important point is to ensure that professional communication is properly documented. Follow up verbal requests and agreements with email confirmation. This is important if you are in a position where you have to seek recourse like I did with the corporate brand manager. I had to formally make a report to the human resource department at his organization.

Lastly, know your rights as a woman. Know that it is wrong if someone is asking you or trying to guilt you into sexual favors in order to achieve something musically. Believe that you can walk away from working with any individual who expects you to compromise yourself. Hone your craft, invest in yourself and your talent, and know that you can achieve greatness solely on the merit of your music talent, your investment, and hard work.

Manipulation, is the skillful handling, controlling or using of something or someone. Not to get all “Star Wars” on you, but, it is a powerful force that can be used for good or evil, depending on the person doing the manipulating. This is probably one of the most common type of guys. These clowns are the ones who attempt to make women believe that the only way to make progress in the industry, is by spreading their legs. THE MANIPULATOR’S only goal is make you believe that, “everyone does it, if they want to make it.”

W

e all know that males, ultimately, run this industry, from the A&R, to the engineer/ producer, to the record label owner himself.

Often, A&R’s abuse their power by identifying pretty females, and the minute they find out that you can sing, they see dollar signs, but only if you’re willing to “validate” your talent. I’ve had many record deal offers... meetings today and flirtatious messages tomorrow... however, if you respond and maintain your professionalism, they become “suddenly unable” to take you on as an artist.

I remember one incident when my female duo partner and I were backing up a rapper. He was not very popular, so they felt that “decorating” the stage with us (female vocalists) would boost his performances. We took it on because we believed in his music, however, at the second rehearsal we were asked if we could wear tiny two-pieces on stage. Our response was immediately, “Absolutely not.” We were told, “we might as well get it out of the way, as we would all be doing orgies, eventually, anyway.” and “it’s standard in the music business.” We were put off, and on the next rehearsal, we were canned as backup singers because they felt that we “lacked confidence.” If that is a lack of confidence then I will continue to be patient and let my music speak for itself.

For my performances, I, purposely, have a tomboy style, as a form of rebellion. It has worked for me because it catches peoples’ attention. I know that I have to work and perform, extra hard, to win my audiences over...and that is OK.

I

was 15 years old, working in make-up at a local mall in Cincinnati, OH. There happened to be a world-renowned comedian shopping. Somehow, the girls I was working with and I ended up sitting on the side of a Starbucks with him, begging him for a joke. He asked me what I liked to do and I answered him, “I like to sing and write.” I sang a song; he liked it and asked for my number. Less than 24 hours later, his friend, who managed artists in Los Angeles, called and we began to build a relationship. He would tell me about the industry and, one day, said to me, “You know you’re going to have to do things, right?”

“What do you mean by ‘things?’ “ I asked.

“Well, how do you think Mariah Carey, Beyoncé and TLC got where they are today? They had to do ‘things.’ “ I said, “Holy sh*t! You mean they had to sleep around?!”

He laughed, “Yes, so don’t be surprised. Everybody has to do it. Everybody does it. It’s a male- run industry and they’re going to be expecting that.”

I told him that I would rather start in the basement of a friend’s house, in Cincinnati, than to do “things.” I explained that God’s got me and that could not be a part of the plan; if they want “things,” I have brothers who know a lot about “things.”

Sexual favors are, inevitably, implied. It can be a demeaning, discouraging and faithless industry, without eyes on God. I worked my butt off, faced a thousand fears, was rejected a million times, dealt with personal inadequacies and was homeless and hungry for years, before I had any success. There is no, one specific, path to success in the music industry.

Be a good person, follower, worker and leader, and your world will build itself around your dreams. Be encouraged, hold your head up high, walk in the light and be confident in yourself. You can never undo a sexual favor. Create and build your relationships based off of your work and lyrics, and don’t forget to be good to yourself.

S

ince early childhood, I felt at home in the entertainment arena. Even before stepping foot into the industry, it seemed I knew what to expect. Through research, I heard the rumors of the industry’s inner workings, the womanizing, the massive over-sexualization, and the expectations of exchanging sexual favors for jobs. What I wasn’t prepared for was the massive “group think” mentality accompanying this reality; the fact that women, in all professions (especially the entertainment industry) are typically viewed as creatures whose primary role is to provide sexual fulfillment. We are told that taking off our clothes is “sexual freedom.” In reality, it has caused imprisonment; take your clothes off, or you’re not marketable.

I’ve been sent nude pics by big names, turned down life-changing opportunities, and been told many times: “Dressing like a stripper doesn’t make you a stripper,” “You’re not sleeping with them...just giving something to look at,” or “Those men are gonna cheat anyway, you might as well benefit from their shallowness, become a star, then make a change.” My personal favorite is, “You’ll never make it if you don’t stop being such a prude.” Apparently, not wanting to show 99.9% of my body to thousands of strange men makes me a prude.

But it’s the same brainwashing rhetoric, forced upon us by media every day, but on a more sinister level. They talk so smoothly, you are almost convinced of this warped logic, but upon leaving, quickly realize what they’re trying to convince you to do. They aren’t asking, they’re demanding you do this. By not submitting, you lose yet another job, and that studio never contacts you again.

Demands like these happen regularly. For example, I had a placement on a major record, recently, with one of my favorite artists. I made the trip, arrived at the hotel, and was greeted kindly by the producer who setup the arrangement. Our car service arrived and we sped off in a car equipped with every luxury, including five industry leaders that could have literally made my career with a single phone call. We arrived at the studio, and recorded for thirteen hours. When finished, we all went to dinner, then back to the hotel. I had to go back to the room with the producer to collect my payment. We rode the elevator up to the penthouse suite, he turned on the TV, got in bed, and told me to get in with him. I said no. He asked again and again, and I said no. This went on for several minutes. I began feeling more on edge by the second, so I finally said, “I don’t feel well, please just pay me so I can go.”

He replied, “Listen, babe that’s not how it works. I’m not paying you shit til you deliver. I thought we had an understanding.”

“Deliver? I thought I did...I just traveled hours to get here and recorded everything you requested. This is my job,” I explained.

“No, that’s not how this works. I’ve been in this longer than you, trust me. You need to learn the ropes. Most new girls aren’t even offered pay. You are...so you should feel lucky I’m even offering. Don’t bother going to the label or artist about this because it’ll make you look unprofessional, so there’s no way they’ll work with you again,” he said.

At that point I got up to leave, furious, sad, nervous, and sick to my stomach. When I walked out, he grabbed my hand to lure me back. I resisted, which is when the bellhop walked past. He circled us a few times listening to the exchange, then came to me and asked, “Ma’am are you ok?”

I said, “Yes, I’m fine.”

I then grabbed my things and let him escort me out. Thank God for that bellboy. This isn’t to say the producer would have forced anything, but he was expecting a sexual exchange in order to fulfill my end of the deal, much like a prostitute. This is not to complain, but simply to paint a picture of reality. At that point in my career, I had experienced enough to know that nothing is out of bounds with some of these people.

They will betray their own moms without blinking, as long as it gives them what they want. They operate on different frequencies than I, so I’m still, sometimes, surprised. I left that situation with only $100 in my pocket, a pit in my stomach, and a disillusioned soul, and cried all the way home.

This wasn’t the first time something like that happened, and it won’t be the last. I am aware, alone, I cannot change the unfair expectations and demands on women in the music industry, but I can give an insider view to provide better understanding of its reality, and the daily issues most, if not all women, in this profession are forced to deal with behind closed doors. Women are constantly being blacklisted and smeared, so I understand writing about it could place me on such a list, but it is a risk I have weighed and accepted. I refuse to remain silent about such unequal demands, in what once was (and still is in many places) an exciting and beautiful industry.

I believe women should have the freedom to make a living sharing their art... without being required to share their bodies.

If you’re going into the industry, know what to expect. Know what you want. Know how to protect your mind, body, and character.

Here are 10 tips I have collected over the years; tips I wish I had when I first began: Build a team: You need men who respect women, behind you. I cannot stress this enough. You can have women on your team as well, of course, but you NEED men who are certain to have your best interests in mind. Focus on people who will work for the team without you asking; not the ones waiting on you.

Be more concerned with your character than your reputation: Expect disrespect,

simply for being a woman. Expect rumors to circulate about you when you stand up for yourself. Expect to be blacklisted for refusing a man’s advances. However, just because it is so prevalent, this does not mean it cannot change. When people disrespect you, without reason, write them off. It doesn’t matter how important they are to your career.

Warren Buffet once said, “In a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.” It applies here.

Be a fox: By this I mean, have your head on straight. You know the saying, “Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything.” Don’t let that be you. Be on guard. Be a fox: always observant, always mindful, always alert. This could not only save your career, but your life.

Trust your vibes: This is simple, yet hard to follow. Had I followed my gut in my situation, I would have never made the trip in the first place. The producer came off as sketchy to begin with, but as one who tends to see the glass half full, I like to assume the best in people. This mindset is not necessarily bad, but is a double edged sword. So pay attention.

Allow yourself to make mistakes. Elbert Hubbard once said, “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be, continually, fearing you will make one.” I agree with his sentiments, and as a Christian, I also believe in forgiveness. Forgiveness of yourself and others. To me, true forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”

You do not view mistakes as defeats, because they are not defeats. Mistakes are lessons, so learn from them quickly. Move on and move up. Do not allow failures to dictate your worth.

Do not live in negativity: Strength lies in those who have been hurt a thousand times, but never broken. They aren’t afraid to feel EVERYTHING. They are humble, giving, and kindhearted people. They know how to live, because they know how to give. Scooter Braun, (Justin Bieber’s manager) is an industry front runner, who holds that ideology more than most. Make time to read up on him. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Think greater than you feel: “Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.”

- Albert Einstein. Feelings are fleeting, but action is forever. When you feel defeated by life’s hardships, remember, “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.” Dr. Seuss said that, and it stuck with me throughout my childhood.

You are crucial to this world and have changed lives you’re not even aware of! If we all understood that, our focus would be adjusted, and our fleeting feelings and negative attitudes would not be such a driving force in our life actions.

“Trust your vision because you are willing to accept the risk, not because it’s certain or safe:” This is an anonymous quote I read once that has stuck with me through the years. Will Smith once said, “Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity.” The path to success isn’t always the most realistic; in fact, in my opinion, it rarely is. Could you fail? Of course. Should you allow that broken record of fear and

doubt continue playing in the background all the time? Absolutely not.

There’s a fine line between paying your dues and knowing your worth: Don’t let years go by without getting paid for your work.

Pay your dues, yes, but also KNOW YOUR WORTH. If you don’t know your worth, paying your dues will translate to you being worthless, and you will never progress. Do not think for a second that industry millionaires will offer to pay or help provide some sort of advantage for your career if you work for them. Some genuine people may offer, but at the end of the day, everyone is trying to hold on to their money, thus, you must demand it.

Know the power of positive choices: I’ve met celebrities, CEO’s, millionaires and billionaires. I’ve heard it said before, and must agree, that the most successful people live in the metaphysical law of positive choices. These people recognize that during each day there are, literally, hundreds of choices to be made, most, seemingly, small, but ultimately important. With each choice, there is a consequence. Everything in your life today was brought about by the choices you made in the past…. everything. Make them wisely.

W

hen I first realized that I was good enough to pursue a career as a professional singer and writer, I knew I had a long way to go in terms of building a network.

Friends of mine who had been guiding me through the business, taught me all they could about the ins and outs of introducing yourself as someone “in the industry,” and how to not be shy or underwhelming when approaching people. The only problem was, these friends of mine were all men, and it probably didn’t occur to them to teach me how to spot someone who’s being phony or even potentially dangerous. That aspect, of networking, I had to learn on my own... the hard way.

I found myself at Spotlight Live, one night, on the outskirts of the VIP section. A big DTP (Disturbing the Peace) event, featuring a lot of major names was occurring, and even L.A. Reid was in the building. I felt prepared: makeup done, hair done, and still having no clue as to what my personal style was, a short-cut dress that I thought said “artist” all over it. Although I arrived with every intention of collecting business cards, I spoke to no one most of the night, too nervous to screw up my own introduction. As the night rounded to a close, a tall, middle-aged man approached me and introduced himself. He told me he handled the accounts for all of the major tours, and began to name drop random people, “Look there, that’s Mary J Blige’s father.

That’s Ashanti’s publicist.” I was fairly impressed

that he knew so many people so well, even though he hadn’t tried to introduce me to them. When he learned of my goals as an artist, he immediately invited me to grab drinks with him, in an impromptu “business meeting” kind of way. I warned him that I couldn’t be long since I lived in Jersey, and that late night buses would stop running soon.

The two of us hopped into a cab, and although I felt something was off about him, nothing prepared me for the fact that, before I knew it, we were in Brooklyn at his apartment. “The bar is just below, but let me run up and change quickly. You can come wait upstairs, I won’t bite.” He had no furniture, so I stood in his doorway, waiting for him.

Suddenly the propositioning began, as he said to me, “I promise, I will have you in the studio every day. You’ll never have to pay for anything again.

But before we start our business relationship I want you to know, you’re a woman, and I’m a man, and there’s no reason why we can’t have everything we want.”

He began to grab me forcefully, but luckily I was able to squirm out of his grasp. I was still so timid then, and politely declined his “offer,” still afraid that if he were really in the business, me rejecting him, could ruin my career. I took a cab home that night and vowed to never go to those events alone again. I think back on that night, and realize all of the signs, that I could recognize, had I been in that predicament today.

The business woman I am today, recognizes that name-dropping, without anything to back it up, is a huge red flag. I also know, now, that there’s no reason why something is so urgent, that it can’t wait for a daytime meeting over lunch in a public place surrounded by people. I know that I am lucky to be alive after getting in that cab with that man. I remember the look on my friend, Keith’s face as he saw me leave the venue. I couldn’t tell if he knew how naive I was to have left with a strange man I had just met. The truth is, a good businessman will always respect when you take precautions, as a woman. Insisting on bringing an escort with you to the studio for a first time meeting, or choosing to work during daytime hours, should never be an inconvenience. They should respect that you know how to protect yourself and never take it personally.

I can recall another experience where I found myself being approached inappropriately by a man in the music industry. For years, I networked at events with no music posted online to back up my claims of talent, until one day, I finally started my social media music page. I posted the only song I had recorded, a song called “I Can’t,” over a heavy hip-hop inspired beat. It gathered a fair amount of attention all over the social networking platform, including interest from some big-named rappers. One such rapper, (I’ll call, “S”) messaged me in the middle of the night saying how dope the song was.

I was so shocked, and clearly surprised that he actually managed his own social media account. I expressed my gratitude in him contacting me and he told me he had finished recording his album, but until his label would allow its release, he would be recording other things that he’d involve me in, if I was interested. I was fresh off of reading a blog from songwriter, Claude Kelly, about the importance of being able to go anywhere, at any time for opportunities, so I viewed this as my test of “how badly I wanted it.”

“S” invited me to his condo to listen to the album and get my opinion, while also promising to hear how I sounded on some things. I couldn’t believe it; “this was my chance,” I thought. I knew I’d gain so much notoriety doing any kind of collaboration with him! So what it was already late and I wouldn’t make it to his place until 2am; I had to be a go-getter! I accepted his invitation and messaged a friend with the address, should something happen to me.

Notebooks were strewn about, filled with endless rhymes he had penned, and he even had a cardboard cut-out of himself in his living room. We headed upstairs, where he had his computer set up for me to listen to the album. As I

listened, I was really floored how incredible it was. “S” was an emcee I had respected for a long time, and his level of musicality showed in his work. I was a fan, but also wanted the opportunity to work with someone like him. I knew I could learn so much from him. He sat beside the computer and began to tell me how beautiful I was, and said, “You’re gonna do it; you got ‘it.’

You’re really talented.” The conversation quickly took a turn without warning, and he began pleading with me to be his girlfriend. When I nervously laughed it off, he got angry and dismissive. It dawned on me, this man was institutionalized still, from all the time he spent in prison. And here I was, in his home, just the two of us, praying I didn’t say or do the wrong thing.

By 4 a.m., I was visibly exhausted and had a long drive home ahead of me.

“S” insisted I not drive in my condition, and that I take a nap in his bed and he would sleep on the couch. Feeling too nervous to set him off again, I accepted his offer, but awoke to him trying to pull my clothes off, as he groped me forcefully. Still trying not to say the wrong thing, I insisted I was awake enough and went home. I was in shock, and so green in my career, that I didn’t want to burn any bridges. I still can’t believe it to this day, but I went back to his house after another invite. I tried to arrange a daytime visit, but he insisted that, with his schedule, it just wouldn’t work.

He said, “Do you want to record, or nah?” “And bring your music this time,” he demanded, promising that he’d give it a listen and pass it along to some important people.

I arrived late to his house and he put me to work sequencing his mixtape, even allowing me to add a track to it that he hadn’t intended to include. I thought he was finally taking me seriously by allowing such a big decision, like that, to be put into my hands, but once again, those words, “I’m a man, and you’re a woman...” that I had heard from so many others before him, came out, and before I knew it, he was masturbating over me. Disgust, shock, fear... I can’t even begin to put into words how I felt in that moment. All I know is that I managed to leave, and never returned. To this day, I hear his name being praised for all his “conscious” work in the community and for being so slept on as a lyricist. I used to be a fan, but I can’t hear his voice anymore. Since that time in my life, I became best friends with someone who happened to share a frighteningly similar experience to mine with “S,” even being struck in the face by him. She still keeps things civil when she sees him. I don’t know if I ever could; I’m not that naive anymore.

I

am 23 years old, and I was born in Sánto Domíngo, República Dominicána, on November 30th 1992. Ever since I was a child, I really liked music, and at the age of four, my parents noticed that I had the unique ability to sing. My father says today that I was a natural. I always liked the arts, and my passion for music shined in the school shows that I would enter at one of the most recognized music schools in the country.

I was raised in a Christian household in a family full of musicians and composers. I grew up in a musical environment full of instruments. At a very young age, also sang in church.

My mother and especially my grandmother were very supportive and always encouraged me to follow my dreams. I started composing my own songs at the age of seven. All of my family got to enjoy live shows that I would interpret for them. I liked the attention and never had stage fright.

I was always independent too. I was interested in sales, business, and entrepreneurship, but above all, I always dreamed of being a successful artist in the music industry. As I continued to grow up and become a woman, I started to attract both positive and negative attention. I started familiarizing myself with the music business as well as making contacts that could help me make my dreams a reality. Little did I know that terrifying things would happen. Reality has a way of knocking you down and making you see things in a different light. I quickly woke up from my dream and saw that it wasn’t as easy being an artist as I thought, and it especially was not easy trying to be an artist as a woman.

When my family decided to move to the United States, I had to learn a whole new culture. As I began to grow out of my adolescence, I decided to leave home and be independent at 19. I realized that the only way I was going to be successful in my career was if I did it on my own. I was the one responsible for turning my dreams into reality.

I had finally begun production on an album that I financed myself by working every day.

Everything was going well, and that’s when everything began.

I had contracted a music producer, and we both agreed to start the album. At that time, I had half of the disc paid for. Soon, the producer started being irresponsible. He would disappear, not answer any of my calls, and he would give me personal problem excuses that made no sense. Eventually, we started having legal problems. I was naive to completely trust him. I had to sue him and take him to court for not fulfilling our agreement, and for putting all the paperwork in his favor in case there was ever a disagreement or if he was late with his work. Even though he was married with kids, he also wanted to involve himself with me, romantically, which is the main reason I had to stop the project. I was frustrated for a long time, but that didn’t stop me from continuing to chase my dreams. I continued to meet musicians and producers, and I started making connections.

Many of these connections would invite me out for “business” dinners, but sadly, the topics of these dinners would often turn into attempts to get with me.

I met another music producer who I admired greatly, and he eventually invited me to his studio so that we could collaborate together. He too wasted my time and effort by ultimately being inappropriate. I loved music so much, and these men would take advantage of me and sell me dreams in order to bring me closer to them.

They saw me as easy prey, but thanks to God, my parents taught me morals. I didn’t accept the fact that the only way to achieve my dreams, aside from being talented, was to give in to fulfilling the personal fantasies of men I worked with.

Feeling fed up, I started collaborating with female artists, especially one singer with whom I was great friends. We agreed that we would become a duo with a song that I had composed. After this singer had finished producing, she wanted to cut me out and record it on her own. She also wanted to rob me of my credit as the composer of the song. This hurt me the most because she had been a close friend of mine that had seen me grow up. From that moment on, I knew I would have to face and overcome many obstacles in the music industry in order to make my dreams a reality, AND I would also have to deal with sexual harassment as well. I had to deal with the fact that there were a lot of people who were going to try to mislead me because I was young. They perceived me as ignorant. Armed with this knowledge, I started to educate myself about music negotiations and how to have more mental and emotional strength.

Soon after, I met the president of an independent record label, and we came to an agreement. I signed a contract with the label for a year to produce one complete album. They would be responsible for promotions and presentations as well as financing the whole album. Months passed and they were only sending me demos of the arrangements. I felt that I was wasting time, so I started to demand things. In response, they changed the agreement, breaking the rule of the contract, stating that they only wanted to produce one song. I was yet again working with incompetent people who wanted to deceive me. Thankfully, I had only signed for a year, and I demanded that they cancel the contract due to incompletion on their part. Even though they didn’t want to, they had to because the time period on the contract had passed. Once the contract was cancelled, I was free. I decided to be more precautious and not to jump in too fast during future negotiations. I decided that if I was going to sign a contract, I had to take my time and inform myself better.

Another anecdote in my life that I remember that also greatly impacted me, was when I met a well-known investor in the music industry. He was very interested in

my talent, and I got super excited at hearing the proposal of him funding my career.

He would of course take a percentage to recuperate the money he had invested. I became very hopeful and excited because I thought that I had finally found the right person to work with. I accepted his dinner invitation to discuss our plan. When we finally started talking, he started referring to other female artists and stated that all of them had gotten to where they are now because they had all done sexual favors.

He told me that if I wanted to work with him and further my career, I would have to do the same. I was so shocked, and after a deep breath, I firmly told him, “No!” I told him I was better off as I was without having people know my name, and I was fine with not being the famous singer he promised to turn me into considering I would have to compromise my morals in the process. He then looked at me and started to smile at me mockingly. He told me I could stay where I was then and that I would always remain at that level in my career for the rest of my life. I picked up my things and left.

That night, I cried my eyes out. I felt like all my dreams would never become a reality because I had knocked on all the doors that I knew to no avail. Looking at all the artists on television, many of which he had mentioned to me, I became frustrated and ashamed to see how the industry degrades women. When I say this, I’m not only thinking of myself, but I am thinking of all of the other young women who are chasing their own dreams who also had to go through similar experiences and will never dare to confess because doing so would be damaging to their careers. I feel especially bad for those who are just starting to chase their dreams.

Honestly, all of us women deal with harassment, inconsideration, lack of respect, and lack of self-love. We are special beings called “Women.” We are intelligent, talented, sensitive, and fragile. I know that many of us have made mistakes, and that for many years, society has cataloged us as sexual objects and denied us the freedom to express ourselves with our talents and show our true worth. As a woman, I believe in my talent and that it doesn’t matter if I do not accomplish my dream if I have to do something I do not want to do. I love myself and my talent, and I am worth more than anything else in this world. I am special, and I accept myself.

Above all else, that is what makes me happy.

E

ver wonder what an independent female recording artist really goes through on a dayto-day basis? Step into my world for a few minutes. Imagine being 19 years old, unemployed, newly graduated, and music is the only thing that’s keeping you sane. I’d do anything to make my music prosper, except sell my soul. That’s exactly the opportunity offered to me when I met another independent artist, with a little more clout than I had.

I met him a few months before I decided to step out on faith, and stop, solely, doing features and ghostwriting. He was a cool person, who coached me, showed me the ropes, and put me in front of some really esteemed people. Unfortunately the bond we

created, became a little more than coaching. Now this isn’t the average “trade sex for a favor” story; I could never take myself down that path, but I was dumb enough to believe that I was the only one.

We became so close. I listened to all of his ideas, his ambitions and reasons why he loved music, and couldn’t help but to smile when I was around him.

He was supportive (at times) and brought out a side in me, which I thought I’d lost. He made me happy... all the while entertaining who I believed, was the other woman. He was engaged, and his fiancé was with child, in an entirely different state. I had been played to the ultimate degree.

When we parted ways, the truth came out: I was the side chick, and he played it well. I was taking him back and forth to the studio, I kept him well fed, and in return I got free beats, studio time and lyrical coaching. In my eyes, I thought I was gaining a companion, a partner, someone I could grow with.

We’ve, since, parted ways, and I can’t say it was a complete loss; I gained an amazing single from the situation. I would encourage any young female artists, if you’re going to be involved with someone in this industry, make sure you know the full extent of their background. You never, completely, know who you’re dealing with.

M

y experience in this industry has thought me one thing: DONT TRUST ANYONE!

People that I’ve come across, or who wiggled their way into my life, claiming to be invested in my brand and career, have disappointed me by, either, failing to promote me at the pace I thought was attainable, or giving up where obstacles along the way seemed easy to overcome.

I’ve always believed in my talent and myself, and over time this ideology hasn’t changed. My belief is that, with experience, I learn and will earn my way to the top. I’ve been conned many times, in this industry, and have, through hard work and determination, made it out of that hole. I am, now, starting to build my brand from scratch. I own and run multiple businesses, outside of the entertainment industry, that have become profitable.

It’s hard to be taken seriously in an industry run by men, especially when you’re beautiful or come from a certain background, with a certain stigma. But where you come from, won’t determine your outcome. I am extremely passionate about everything I decide to put energy and thought into. I’ve been promised fame and fortune by many men, who claimed to have “a way in.” Most methods involved me setting aside my morals and values, which is why I’m still at this point and haven’t succumbed to those with ill intentions and temptations. Some might say I’m taking the hard road.

I’m happy in my family life, and know I set a good example for my three-year-old daughter. I instill kindness, love, understanding, passion and enthusiasm. I consider myself street smart, after all I’ve been through, which I’m known for, amongst my peers. There is still room for improvement regarding my PR, and I’m shopping for new management. Weary, but optimistic, learning and experiencing every day, my professional approach is one that will get me far. No time for distractions from my goals; you won’t see me in a club, unless I’m booked to perform or making an appearance.

I think my biggest problem is when men approach me, for business purposes (wanting to collaborate or shoot videos) I hold back and meticulously research them, but unfortunately, it usually ends up with sexual intentions on their behalf. I hate even wasting my time, as I have no intentions other than business. I’m here to make good music, and collaborate with people that make good music and are willing to push and put it out there. I have an authentic and different flavor; exposing and having people embrace and acknowledge my culture is important to me, and you will hear it in my music.

I am proud, strong, beautiful, influential and encouraging. My goal is to live a truly happy and healthy life with the people who are loyal and love me as I do them.

Some say I’m “not famous yet,” because I don’t seek the approval of others. I live my life the way I want to, and don’t submit to the general way of things. This includes how and what men expect of me. A man will treat you the way you allow him to. I am a queen and only expect to be treated in that way. I’m lucky to have been in relationships where I was treated as such, and when it comes to business, I keep it professional.

I

have been working in the entertainment industry, since the age of 19, as a professional dancer, singer and actress, I have been very fortunate to have traveled the world, performing and doing what I love for a living. As with any business, there are always going be highs and lows. It is all a learning curve, and all about how we cope and deal with certain situations; all we can do is try to do our best. I have found over time, through the challenges life has thrown at me, it has helped me to become a much wiser and stronger person, and as I share my views about what I have gained along the way, working in the music and entertainment industry as a female artist, I hope that I can give useful advice and scenarios from my experience.

With the internet being a huge part of people’s lives, especially the use of social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, etc., I find it is a great way of keeping in touch with friends and family, as well as networking. It’s been an excellent tool for me, within the music industry, to engage with fans, and to initiate new dialogue with people, around the world in the industry, I may have, otherwise, never had a chance to meet. However, it has, also, been a big problem at times, as the World Wide Web has made it very easy to access people directly, who you wouldn’t normally come across in certain circumstances. Like most things, there are always pros and cons. On several occasions, I am contacted by people, via my social media pages’ private messaging, who seem credible in the music industry, e.g., label heads, execs, managers and CEO’s, saying they love my music, however, they then ask to meet me, and start telling me how beautiful I am, asking where I live, and stating that they can help me with my career. Excessive flattery starts sounding off alarm bells with me, especially if I have never heard of them before. For any young girl, or for any woman for that matter, trying to succeed in this business, this can be a very difficult situation.

I, usually, uncover, in these cases, these men tend to hide behind fake profiles, to draw you in, and then start to interact inappropriately. As soon as I am asked strange, personal questions, I cease any further contact, ignore them and delete them altogether. In some cases, I would advise reporting them, to potentially prevent future problems for others, and so the site can remove them from the platform.

When I am asked to collaborate, or before going into any business relationships, I make sure I always do my research, and look at

reviews, blogs and recommendations, including that of friends & colleagues. I would never meet someone, for the first time on my own, who, initially was not recommended to me; I think it’s best to take another colleague or friend with you, or if you must attend alone, meet in a public place to avoid any possible problems.

There are many people in the industry (“agents and managers”) who talk a good talk and can fill your head with all of the luxuries and promises of how (they say) they can boost your career with high end live shows, songwriting collaborations with major artists, or getting you record and publishing deals, etc. Be aware that some, also, have very good selling techniques to get you to sign into five year management agreements. I once had an “agent” invite me to an audition at a five star hotel, with a private time slot, only to meet a man who arrived in a very posh car, who was only asking me to give him money upfront for him to get me to where I needed to be in my career. He was, clearly, not interested in talking about my talent, and only kept asking sleazy questions to see if I may go that route. I stood up and walked away; luckily there were people around me, at the time, so I was safe. This industry is all about taking risks, but it is imperative to do enough research first. Base decisions on recommendations and previous success stories, and even ask for proof, if you feel it is needed. If possible, an entertainment attorney can be essential in clarifying any doubts or concerns regarding a manager or company. You can never be too cautious, when you are putting your career or life in to someone else’s hands.

A while ago, I made a mistake and got into a management deal that didn’t work out in the end. I was promised many opportunities, yet, not one thing came through, unfortunately; just a lot of lies & time wasted. I lost a lot of confidence, as the manager did nothing to enhance my career. I, even, found out through external channels, that they weren’t doing their job right at all, but unfortunately, I was trapped. I knew I needed to get out of that deal ASAP; luckily I had a good lawyer to assist me. The manager breached the contract; therefore I was free to move on, after being stuck for one and a half years. I am so happy I am out of that situation now, and it opened my eyes to a lot, I have learned from the mistakes, and I am much wiser now and recognize the signs to look out for. Before I make any decisions, I know “research is key.” I have gone on to meet some great people around the world, who i am pleased to have on board. I, now, have a strong and honest team around me, who I can trust and work with.

The future is a moment to look forward to, the present is a moment to be seized, and the past is a moment to be cherished for what is was. The past is not meant to be held onto, however, there are some people who just don’t know when to let it go.  When the lights fade, as they do, and the curtains fall, as they do, and after the groupies pack their bags and leave, alone stands a man who once had the world in the palm of his hand. This man refuses to move on from a past filled with flashy lifestyles, extravagant parties and money hungry party girls. He cannot get the taste of fame out of his mouth, so he walks the earth like a zombie with a champagne heart, and treats everyone he meets like a peasant. Success, for him, ran its short course, and now he is in denial, refusing to accept that he is now a member of regular society. Because of this, he treats women who work with him as if they owe him something, simply because of who he, once, was. A man who lost his crown, and along with it lost his way... Ladies and Gentlemen... I present to you... THE USED TO BE KING.

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his industry can be full of wolves in sheep’s clothing. One, in particular, was a gentleman I met about a year ago. He was an A&R for some pretty big named artists in the 90’s, and a few current acts. My manager told me that he was one of the “big dogs” of the music industry that everyone wanted to work with. One of my music industry contacts, also, was very candid about him, saying that he was “the man.” Obviously, I expected him to live up to the hype, because grown men admired and spoke highly of him.

My first encounter with him was at a music event that he hosted. He discussed different opportunities and how artists should network, and, of course, he was name-dropping every six seconds. I introduced myself, and he suggested that I submit some music and that we sit down and talk. Of course, I was excited. After I submitted my music, he told my manager that I wasn’t ready and he didn’t like my songs. Not being arrogant or anything, but everyone who heard my music, up until that point, had only good things to say, so of course I thought his critique was strange... and he didn’t give any reasons as to why he felt that way.

The next time I saw him he wanted a hug, which I thought was normal, until he started getting, consistently, upset if I didn’t hug him before I left each event. When I attempted to talk to him about business, he wasn’t interested, but suggested that I go his house at 1:30 a.m. to discuss it. Obviously, I was no fool and knew the reason he was blocking my music was so he could get some “alone time” with me. I declined his offer and stayed away from him. I wanted my music out there, but not so bad that I would sleep my way to the top. Long story short, I found out that a lot of women accepted his propositions, and that was the game that he played to get them in bed. Of course, my career has continued to soar to new heights, even without his help!

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oo often, it is assumed that a woman can get whatever she wants if she is cute... that may be true IF you are willing to put out, but for someone with morals like me... it is often, as much of a curse as it is a perk. We exist in, more than, a double standard industry, but more so a TRIPLE standard industry. A man is considered an “alpha male,” a glorified “player or pimp,” or a “boss” if he gets a lot of women in bed without commitment. The more women, the higher his respect status, in society, is. On the opposite hand, if a woman sleeps with even ONE man, without commitment, she is automatically labeled a “hoe,” “slut,” “groupie,” “easy,” etc. That, in itself, is psychological bigotry, and at a time where society, as a whole, is being programmed to be lust infected. I personally am not into casual sex without commitment, but I don’t think anyone should be glorified for something, while another is shamed for it. However, it is what it is If you are an independent female in the music industry, you don’t come from money, have a big family or support group, or get, randomly, discovered by a connected individual who wants to help you, solely by the grace of God, you’re in for a LONG road of sexual harassment & awkward moments.

You will meet people who, at first, are extremely excited to work with you and offer whatever services they have to assist you (engineering, beats, studio time, etc.). To start, things will seem exciting and great, and then nine out of ten times, halfway or so through, things begin to get weird. Some will be flirty, some aggressive, and some will start asking sexual questions or unveiling the future they see for “you guys.” You will be promised the earth, the ocean, the moon, the sun... offered to be whisked away to exotic places, and promised the BIGGEST connections in the industry. Don’t take the bait.

Anyone who ACTUALLY WANTS TO HELP YOU will do it WITHOUT anything in return (other than financial gain, of course). However, when you express that you are NOT interested, the project will likely become dead in the water; people will act funny, disappear completely, or prolong the process and continue to “dangle the carrot” to see if they can wear you down. I’ve been friends with some major producers/ artists for six- eight years, and several of them are cool 95% of the time, yet STILL, after countless declines, try to hug extra long or grab inappropriately. It’s a sad reality. You have

to learn to let projects go at the expense of keeping your integrity, yet you must be polite in the rejection, because this is a “who you know” business. A lot of people can get past a friendly turn down, however, most will NOT get over being embarrassed or called out.

Now here’s where the triple standard comes in...

People will say to me “Why don’t you dress down.”

I laugh and I say, “First off, I dress how I feel like dressing day to day... nobody is going to take that from me, especially if I’m pouring my heart into my craft. I need to feel like me. Secondly, do you know how hard it is to get someone to work with a woman in a 98% White male-dominated industry?” The last few major female artists to make it big did so by selling their bodies (a lot of which are enhanced with surgery). The industry wants− scratch that− REQUIRES the world to want to fuck you! If they can’t see an image that can sell, it doesn’t matter if you sound like Lauryn Hill or MC Lyte, mixed with Missy Elliot; they aren’t spending any time or connections on you. I have been modeling for ten years and don’t, personally, believe in plastic surgery. I’ve gotten nothing but praise, in that realm of my career, for my body… but in Hip-Hop? I cannot tell you the amount of times people have asked or flat out told me I’ll need to get implants at some point. I simply remind them of Aaliyah, Left Eye, & Gwen Stefani... all women that have similar body types to me and, are absolutely beautiful women, true Queens. It’s important to remember that making music is not a beauty contest. The triple standard is, they want you to be sexy, but can’t control their focus and professionalism when you are. The sooner you realize that paying for everything is the only way to guarantee a finished project, the sooner you can start saving up a budget.

There are so many stories; I wasn’t sure which to share. There was one artist in the industry (whom we’ll refer to as “Mr. Famous,” for anonymity) that was big in the early 90’s, and had some major hits again in the mid 2000’s, who met me through one of my best friends. My friend was signed to a

world record-breaking athlete’s label and we hung out at least every other day working on music and dropping smoke. “Mr. Famous” was skeptical, like everyone else, if I could even rap, and never ever asked to listen to me for three months. When he finally did, he tried to stop me right away saying, I couldn’t rap aggressive like that because I look too pretty. Thankfully, my homies were right there and jumped in saying, “No let her go Fame, let her go!”

He let me finish and was suddenly on board. He said as soon as my friend’s album was done, my project was next. We spent a lot of time in one studio located in Inglewood that all of the West Coast legends had been to, the most inspiring to me being Tupac. I got beats from “Mr. Famous” and went home and wrote to them right away.

Months went by, and, although I learned a lot from everybody I was around at that time in my life, no progress was being made, musically. One night at the studio, about eight months into working with “Mr. Famous” we were all vibing, but he had been drinking. He turned to me and asked, “So you want to be a rap star?” The question itself was offensive, so I laughed lightly.

He said, “Oh she thinks I’m playin?” Then he turned to me, dead serious, and said, “If you want to do music, you’re going to need to bring me a different girl each week.”

I was like, “What do I look like Heidi Fleiss?” and tried to laugh it off.

He was like, “I’m serious... you’re not down to fuck and I don’t smoke weed, so you’re going to have to bring me something. I laughed and free-styled a bit more with my homie, and then I left. When my homie walked me to the car I was like, “Fame’s crazy.”

He replied, “Yeah but he’s serious.” To this day my homie and I are still friends, but I never saw “Mr. Famous” or went back to that studio ever again. The songs I wrote were never recorded.

H

ave you ever sat back in awe and asked yourself, “Did this just happen to me?” I have, especially after what was told to me by someone I considered an icon and a legend in the music industry. I had heard the stories before, but I was always uncertain if they were true.

Being a young aspiring singer/songwriter has never been easy. Often times as an artist, you deal with a ton of “dream sellers” or people who just aren’t as serious about business as they appear to be. After having many encounters with various teams, management companies, and fellow artists, I thought I had a keen sense of whom I shouldn’t waste my time with as far as my work was concerned. I never let men cross me wrong, nor did I ever mix business with pleasure. Music has always meant so much to me, and I couldn’t nor wouldn’t ever jeopardize my career for in-the-moment distractions. One would assume a girl like me would know better than to meet with a random stranger on Facebook to have dinner with one of the biggest stars in the industry for whom I will use an alias. Wrong. Social media is such a common form of communication nowadays as is meeting people you have met online. Because of this, I gave this gentleman the benefit of the doubt. Silly me.

Shawn (an alias) reached out to me on Facebook with a message saying, “Let’s work. I’m a songwriter/producer; you can Google my name. Text me.” I didn’t bother to Google him, but I went to his Facebook page instead and noticed tons of photos of him shaking hands or just hanging with a lot of big names. I assumed he was legit! I texted him, and I told him to save my number so that we could chat the following evening. The next morning, I received a text from Shawn asking if I was free that evening around 8pm. I replied that I should be home around 9:30 after my guitar lessons and that we should chat then. He replied, “Oh, that’s unfortunate. I wanted you to come to dinner with me and Mr. Industry. Maybe another time.”

I didn’t know who he was talking about, so I responded, “Oh, I didn’t know you wanted to meet. If that’s the case, I can head straight to you from my guitar lessons, and by the way, who’s Mr. Industry?” “Okay cool,” he said, “Call me when you are out of your guitar lessons. And I mean Mr. Industry as in [insert famous person’s name

here].” My heart began to beat out of my chest with excitement. I can’t even begin to describe the way I felt. I was never usually one to get star-struck, but to know that in just a few hours, I would be sitting down and chatting with an icon made me feel as if my breakthrough had come. I prayed on it and decided not to tell a soul until I was sure that I was going to meet him. I definitely did not want to jinx my chances.

Finally, it was time to leave my guitar lessons and call Shawn. He had a very friendly, pleasant voice. He didn’t sound intimidating. I could tell he was much older - mid 40s or so. He told me that they were going to play basketball at a local gym and then head over to a cigar bar in Harlem. He told me I had the option of meeting them at the bar or going to the gym beforehand to watch them play before heading to the bar with everyone. I love the game of basketball, which is actually my first love, so I decided to just meet them at the gym. As soon as we got off the phone, he texted me the address, and shortly after, I was on the train heading to meet a music industry icon.

With my guitar in hand, I just knew that they would all view me as a serious and real musician! I arrived to the gym and immediately saw Shawn, Mr. Industry, and two other men playing a half court game. There weren’t too many people in the gym, so I was noticed as soon as I walked in. I took a seat on one of the courtside bleachers

and said hello to a woman who was sitting there watching too. She introduced herself as Mr. Industry’s stylist, and we immediately began to chat about the game. Shawn then walked over while the other gentlemen continued to play, and we hands. He was an older man like I had expected, and he was very friendly as he was on the phone.

He told me that they were going to get dressed, and that he was going to put me in a cab to head over to the bar where they would meet me. I agreed to the plan, and just as I stood up, he mentioned that there was another girl who would greet me at the bar who I will call Ashley. He informs me that she is an aspiring singer as well - a little tone deaf, but still a very cool person. I chuckled, and we walked to a nearby cab.

I arrived at the cigar bar to a young Palestinian girl who waved and signaled for me to come over. She mentions that Shawn gave her the heads up to keep an eye out for the girl with the guitar. Ashley was two years younger than me (22 years old) but didn’t look a day younger than 30 (no shade, I promise), I could tell she was very experienced. We sat and chatted about my music, and I began to ask her about her goals. After a few responses, I could immediately tell music was maybe more of a hobby than a passion for her. The waitress walked over and asked if I wanted anything to drink? I asked for what kind of juice they had, and she replied, “Sorry, the only things we serve are water, coffee, tequila and Hennessey.” I was in shock and found it interesting that a bar would only have four choices of drinks. I opted for coffee, but Ashley on the other hand began to take shots (in addition to the ones she already had before I got there). I’m no angel, and of course, I drink with my friends every now and then.

I knew that this was a huge opportunity for me though, and I wasn’t going to let the “devil’s juice” ruin it for me.

After about 3 cups of coffee (and Ashley’s 3rd “Henny on the Rocks”), we noticed an hour had gone by, and Shawn and Mr. Industry hadn’t arrived. It was already midnight, and I knew I had to take the train back home. I texted Shawn and asked if he was near? He replied, “We just pulled up.” My heart began to race immediately, but I calmed myself down, fixed my skirt, my hair, and prepared a big welcoming smile for Mr. Industry.

When they walked in, I stood up and greeted Shawn and

Mr. Industry with a hug and shook everyone else’s hand. Mr. Industry was dressed very casual, so I realized that I didn’t have to be so prim and proper. Mr. Industry sat next to Ashley who was already next to me, and soon we all began to chat.

There was a basketball game on one of the TV screens, so I immediately mentioned the fact that if I never made the decision to sing I probably would’ve pursued the sport. He seemed interested, and Ashley chimed in and asked if he played regularly to which he replied, “Yeah, it was my first love before the music.” He seemed like a very nice and humble guy. After being away for 5 minutes, Shawn came back to sit down, and almost immediately, the drinks began to pour and the music started bumping. Everyone started to take shots of Hennessey, and since the music was so loud, I figured that a professional conversation about music careers wasn’t on top of the list.

Glasses clinked and clanked against each other as everyone toasted, and I sipped on my coffee, still smiling and waiting patiently to see how this night was going to end up. They began to pass the cigars around, and I politely declined. Shawn looked at me and said, “Oh, so you’re a good girl huh?” I chuckled and replied, “No, just taking care of my voice.” I assumed that my honesty would impress Mr. Industry as he looked over at us, but he didn’t flinch. They began to play his old music as well as some records that will be on his upcoming album, and I decided to show that I supported his music by dancing with everyone else in a circle. As I started to dance, I noticed Ashley chatting with Mr. Industry and frequently whispering in his ear, which I assumed was because the music was too loud. As my hips swayed left and right to the bass, I noticed Mr. Industry had started to look at me from head to toe. I paid it no mind though because this was normal to me.

As my mother liked to say, “You can look as long as you know you cannot touch.”

Hours had gone by, and the music was still blaring through the speakers. We all soon realized that it was 4:30 a.m. and time to go! I asked Mr.

Industry if I could take a selfie with him, and he replied, “Listen mama, we’re going to be here again tomorrow night, and I really want you to come out and hang with us again, but I’m drunk and high right now, and I don’t want that going on the net, so we can take one tomorrow.” I nodded my head in agreement, we hugged, and he kissed me on the cheek. I assumed that maybe I’d finally get the chance to discuss music and potentially working with Mr. Industry with Shawn at least before heading home, so I was happy when Shawn said, “Wait one second, Anise. I’m coming with you.” As we all stood outside, I exchanged numbers with Ashley (she and I connected really well despite the fact that I couldn’t hear much of what she said over the music), and then waited on Shawn to say goodbye to everyone. As I stood there, I noticed Ashley climbed onto the tour bus alongside Mr. Industry and members of his entourage. Shawn finally walked over, and we crossed the street in an attempt to hail a cab. It was now 5:00am in Harlem though, and there were no cabs in sight! The bar owner noticed we were still waiting and called us over to let us know that he had called a cab. As Shawn and I waited, I jokingly said, “Man, I can’t believe I’m going home smelling like a ton of cigars, and I didn’t even smoke any. I can only imagine what my mom is going to think.” “Oh no worries, you’re coming with me,” he replied. “Coming with you where?”

I asked. “Oh we’re going right over to 162nd,” he said very nonchalantly. I asked, “What’s there?

Is that where everyone else is going?” I assumed that maybe they were taking the party to another location. “No, that’s my crib. You’ll sleep and just leave later in the morning,” he said without batting an eye. My eyebrows instantly shot up and I replied, “Oh no, no, no. That’s okay; the cigar smell isn’t that bad.” The cab finally arrived, and though I didn’t feel very comfortable after what Shawn said, I have always believed in giving people the benefit of the doubt. After all, he didn’t try to make a move the entire night, and again, he was an older man who didn’t seem like he would be interested in a young woman like myself. I

assumed he meant well and probably just wanted to spare me the lecture my mother might give me after coming home smelling like a nightclub.

We hopped inside the cab, and I was feeling a little disappointed that the night didn’t turn out the way I had imagined. I glanced over at Shawn and said, “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” he replied. “Okay, but can I be totally honest?” I asked. “Anise, you can be one thousand percent honest,” he said. I sighed heavily and began to speak. “You know, I often meet a lot of ‘important’ people and icons like Mr. Industry, and at times, I feel like if I’m not overly sexual then I don’t get the attention that I want.” Then Shawn asked, “Now, can I be a thousand percent honest with you?” “Of course,” I said. He proceeded, “Anise, let me tell you something. When you were in that room, everyone thought you were beautiful.

You’re a gorgeous girl, and Mr. Industry wanted you. He told me that, but you wanted to sit there with your legs crossed like you don’t have a vagina with a hole in it.” I didn’t quite understand what he was trying to say, but I was definitely shocked at his remark. He continued, “In order to get what you want, you have to put out. It’s that simple.” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. I asked bewildered, “Are you kidding me, dude? So you’re telling me my only way to success is to sleep my way there? That’s ridiculous, and I really can’t even believe you just said that.

There are tons of women who have made it in this industry without having to sleep with men to gain success.” He laughed and said, “You serious? You gotta think like a man; that naive mentality of yours is going to keep you where you are now. Do you honestly think that women like India Arie or even Beyoncé are about that tree hugging bullshit? Those women make Ashley who’s on the tour bus right now look like an angel!” I shook my head in disbelief.

The friendly, welcoming man I had originally met had just turned into the biggest scumbag on earth to me. “I really can’t believe you’re saying all of this to me right now.” After being

at a loss for words, he said, “It’s not like you’re a virgin, so I don’t know why you’re holding on so tightly to your pussy. Just put it out. You see, someone like Ashley is going to do what she has to do, and while she doesn’t have as much talent as you, she might just open up the door for herself and get invited to the studio with Mr. Industry. And BAM! Just like that she’ll have a hit record, and you’re just here in a cab heading home.” As tears began to well in my eyes, I looked at him and asked, “Would you even tell your daughter something like that?” He replied, “Honestly, that’s a very hard question to answer, but if she wanted to make some money in this industry, I would have to tell her the truth.” Just when I thought I had heard it all, he continued to amaze me. I finally blurted out, “Man, listen, forget the fame and forget success. I would never ever sacrifice my morals, my self-pride, or my beliefs as a Christian to gain success. If that’s what it takes, then I don’t need it, but I can promise you I’ll have the success I’m working hard to achieve without having to sell my soul. You’ll see.” “Do you have a record deal yet?” he asked. “No,” I replied. “Exactly. But hey, you know what? You don’t have to do anything but stay black and die, so it’s your choice.

But I promise you, you won’t go far.” I told him I no longer wanted to have the discussion, and soon enough, the cab driver arrived at Shawn’s destination. We both gave each other very cold goodbyes, and shortly after, the cab driver headed to my destination.

I sat there with tears still welled in my eyes and fought hard not to allow a single tear to fall. A flood of confusion and emotions flowed through my mind and heart. The cab driver signaled for my attention and said, “Don’t listen to that; you did the right thing.” Although I knew I stood up for what I believed in and didn’t sacrifice my pride or dignity, I still didn’t feel at ease.

I had met a lot of important producers, but I’d never been around someone as high profile as Mr. Industry. I grew up on this man’s music and

had always been a huge fan. It made me wonder if the entire industry was in fact really like this. I have always heard the saying “New levels bring new devils,” but how would I have known the truth? I wasn’t in the industry. I was just a young girl on the outside trying to make my way in, so what if everything Shawn told me about the industry was right? After I drowned in my own thoughts, I arrived home, settled in, and went to sleep only to wake up with the entire scenario still playing over and over in my mind. I reached out to a producer friend of mine who is in the industry as well, and I explained everything that happened. He told me Shawn wasn’t entirely wrong, but he wasn’t right either. He said that there are people who believe in that type of path to success, but not EVERYONE is like that. He even joked with me and said, “I mean, Mr. Industry’s music isn’t too far from the truth of his beliefs anyway,” which I laughed at and agreed.

I should’ve known.

I shared the story with friends and family and even took to social media to express my

feelings about what happened to me (without naming any names). I received so many positive responses. I realized that I went through my experience for a reason. Maybe it was supposed to be a testimony that I could share with other young girls who have faced or are facing similar situations. Soon after my rant on Facebook about my situation, I was approached to have my story featured in this book! I believe my experience was a test from God, which I knew I passed with flying colors. Overall, I realized that this music industry does in fact have a dark side hidden beneath the glitz and the glam, and it takes a strong mind to overcome and stand your ground without being swayed. On that day, I realized the strength of my own will and mind. I made myself proud! My advice to other young women who are pursuing music or any other vocation for that matter is to ALWAYS stay true to what you believe in and never sacrifice that for anyone. Your faithfulness to yourself will be rewarded!

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e all start somewhere in music.

Perhaps I could say that my musical journey began in my mother’s womb when she would sing to me, however, I recall my own first attempt at music was when I began to whistle at ten months old. I remember feeling frustrated that I was unable to sing lyrics I knew to Old MacDonald because I hadn’t learned to talk yet. (My memory can be quite vivid. It almost feels like time travel in the mind, feeling all the bygone senses associated with a memory, if you can imagine.) It didn’t really come as much of a surprise for my mom when I began to whistle, since I wasn’t the first whistling baby in our family.

I grew up in a family where my mother would sing so many different songs around the house, every day, with her beautiful, deep-register, voice. For years, she would play songs on her keyboard and have us “name that tune.” She played records on the stereo and had us dance and act out songs. She still sings all the time to me, when I see her. From birth until to my teen years, the French side of my family camped together, and every summer night, practically, the adults would all sing and play instruments around the fire and under the stars.

Gender roles were not always defined, in a traditional sense, growing up in my immediate and extended family; men did the dishes too, and women helped build things around the campground. One of my female cousins, even, became a mechanic and went into Pro Stock Racing, winning top points. As a close family unit, we did so much together, like cliff jumping, endurance swims across the lake, group water skiing and crawling through ancient caves in pitch-black tick infested darkness. I have memories of my aunt teaching us to catch and wear snakes, and my cousins, siblings and I piling into the back of my uncles open pick-up truck, while he sped down dirt country roads,

blaring Johnny Cash and smoking wine-tipped cigars, as we all shouted, “Faster! Faster!” By age seven, my father trusted me to chop wood with an ax, and carve wood with a knife. At ten, I started to build my own tree forts. My uncle (John) deemed me the family’s little black sheep.

Uncle John recognized something early on- I didn’t mind doing my own thing and never succumbed to peer pressure. I took more to hanging out with old wise souls, and played poker pool with a group of old men down the street in my hometown. At school, some of my closest friends were boys, and we spent hours contemplating the universe. I thought that I had a clear focus on what the future held, however things weren’t always easy. Kids tried to coerce me into playing spin the bottle a few times, which I refused to do because I had a romanticized idea about how my first kiss should be, and a game like that, wasn’t it. When I was 18, I was swarmed and attacked by nine teenage bullies.

As it was happening, I prayed my face would be okay for my sister’s wedding the very next day. I won that day, even though that day caused me to halt my guitar playing for years. I won, even though I now manage the injuries that have impacted my body and guitar playing ability. I won, because I never allowed it to break me in life. Winning, that day, has contributed to my strength and how I apply it to other uncomfortable life scenarios.

I’m sharing snippets of my history, as a lead into why I only welcome positive, benevolent, healthy and mutually respectful relationships in life. It is simply how I’m wired. Life is too short, so maintaining dignity, honoring myself and always being true to who I am at the core, will forever be my way. Who I am doesn’t always resonate with others, but that’s fine, because it naturally filters out insincerity, and guides me to experience life honestly with other

genuine hearts, in all aspects of my life, from family, friends, romance, my design career and my music endeavors.

Along my music path, I have met, worked, recorded and performed with many wonderful men and women. However, I have crossed paths with a few men who have been unprofessional, inappropriate and sexist toward me. I never observed such sexism growing up, as explained, men and women were equals in my world, so why would I have to be subject to it now? I sincerely hope that, somehow, my words and experiences will help empower or strengthen someone reading this, who may be faced with similar circumstances. Every negative circumstance, where I maintained my dignity and said no, always led me to something positive and even better.

One guy, who was a bit older than my dad, but looked about 20 years older, said he wouldn’t work with me unless I had a relationship with him. He explained he only worked with women if they are sexually involved. I said no, without hesitation, which was not received well. He proceeded to throw stones by calling me names and telling me I was too old anyway, since we now live in an era where music is for tweens and teens. This formerly successful music executive, well past his prime, with an impressive roster under his belt (apparently not only figuratively speaking) failed to even realize why I recorded music. He used his past ways to, selfishly, attempt to sexually persuade me into, what guaranteed nothing, except losing outer and inner respect. His name-calling didn’t hurt me, for it only revealed his true colors, which I am glad I caught early on. Within days after closing that door, by happenstance, I met someone musically established on a plane, whom I continue to work with to this day, and has been all positive.

Another older guy, who owned a reputable studio, said he wanted to whisk me away to a secluded place way up North, for days. He said the trip wouldn’t be music-related, and that I would sleep in a small space

with him. He never outright said it would be romantic, but I got the vibe that was just what he hoped for.

I found it bizarre that a studio owner would say this upon meeting for the first time, while I was shopping around for a place to record a new album. It felt more like something a boyfriend or very good friend would offer. I declined and hoped he was joking, wondering if he actually asked out of innocence. That’s doubtful. Once he realized I wasn’t going up North, he said that his studio had no openings, although I knew it did and I had a good budget for this particular project. I later learned that I wasn’t the first he propositioned, and probably not the last.

A few years ago, a relatively known producer from the USA, liked my music and wanted to work with me on a new album. I agreed to bring him here to co-produce my next album. Immediately, we began the planning process, agreeing upon a budget, and I made all of the arrangements to fly him here to work with me. I rented recording equipment and figured out his accommodations and meal plan. During our conversations, he would drop subtle sexual hints, which I said no to each time. I made it clear that this was business. Each time I said no, his cost to work with me kept climbing. He would state that it was obviously professional, but would continue to make more inappropriate hints, telling me to never share his emailed propositions with anyone (because he was married). The night before arriving, he suggested, again, that he sleep in my bed with me. I made it very clear he was not getting into my bed, and that I made other very comfortable arrangements for him during his stay… Surprise... He canceled the flight I funded, after his online check-in, and refused to work with me unless I paid him an amount that was ten times the initial quote he provided. There’s no chance I wanted to work with him after that. I lost money from turning down work that conflicted with the planned recording schedule, and lost most of the flight cost. Thankfully I got a refund, for all of the equipment, from some very kind and understanding people at a local music rental shop. Him canceling,

turned out to be a blessing in disguise! To this day, I hear stories on how he’s messed other people over. By not working with him, I wound up working in a much better studio, with some amazing friends.

I like to think that most men, in the music biz these days, are not this way- objectifying woman; that it’s an old school way, and strongly recognized as archaic and wrong. One’s talent doesn’t diminish another’s, and it After my unpleasant experiences, I met a woman should really be about the song! But as long as women through a friend, at a live show, who admitted that she say yes to these unprofessional, sexist and inapproprislept with all her producers in hopes of helping her mu- ate ultimatums and propositions, it helps perpetuate sic career, but continued to profess that it only brought the issue, enabling the wrong men to stay in power and her turmoil, frustration and a reputation where she think they can try it on any woman, as if we are just wasn’t really respected. The producers she slept with, sex objects, which that’s not cool. Casting couch? No were not even well established, but she, somehow, thanks! chose that road thinking it would be beneficial. I told her she was worth more and should never have to sleep I’m an honest straight-shooter, and foster strength and with anyone to reach her goals and dreams. I saw her a gratitude. I’m a mixture of tradition and way-out, and few months after, and she said that she felt really emfollow my own style, my own path, and not one to barrassed sharing her story with me the first time I met succumb to peer pressure. Staying true to my core is her, and that my response was a wakeup call for her. empowering, and always guides me safely. It separates She had since made a promise to herself to never fall the genuine hearts from those who don’t have my best into sex traps again. I gave her a hug, and told her that interest at heart. Kindness is a beautiful thing; it is not I was proud of her for saying that. Sometimes a comweak or naive, nor doesn’t it mean to get naked. My passionate ear and the smallest amount of feedback, is body is a sacred temple, so sex is something personall we need in life to realize our own self-worth. al that I reserve for love, not some guy in a studio or on some executive who attempts to give me a sexual When I shared my personal experiences with a male ultimatum to “maybe” boost my career, at a cost that friend in the music biz, who is an established veteran can never be returned. Creativity oozes from me, but and still very busy, he told me that someone like me, when I think it’s not, I rest and then it starts all over typically, struggles to get anywhere in music because again. I’m making my own art, independently, however a lot of the men like a “party girl.” He said, “You’re I wish. I don’t alter my music or who I am to appease smart, you’re super talented, you write better songs others, but it is a great treat when others enjoy it. I feel and you lead a healthy lifestyle, plus you’re not sleazy. that music is a special gift from within that deserves They don’t like that, so take my advice and try to scale dignity in how it is processed and cast out to reach back your intelligence a little, to not intimidate.” He those appreciative ears. I enjoy pursuing my art, and elaborated more, stating he absolutely didn’t feel that will always remain dignified in the process. way, but, again, knew many who did. I told him that I absolutely would not pretend to be someone else, to I recognize that we are all complex beings who have appease insecure men in the music industry, or anyso much creative capacity to offer in life, so I wish for where, and that I would always, and forevermore, be all to be healthy, happy and wise with their decisions. myself. Whatever will be, will be. Truth guides me…

Allow the music to speak for itself.

And again, who said that was the crowd I want to surround myself by, anyway? All I’m doing is recording In the words of Coco Chanel, “The most courageous my art, and putting it out there to the best of my ability, act is still to think for yourself. Aloud with no expectations... If it does well then, great!

A

s a female guitarist, I’ve seen and dealt with a lot. One thing that never seems to change is how women are perceived in the music industry. It seems that the prettier you are, the less respect you are given, so you must work harder and keep proving yourself. I remember being featured in a music magazine for my guitar playing in the all-girl band I was in at the time. It was a great interview, and the writer and mag gave us female musicians a lot of respect – I believe because of our musicianship and musical worth. But during that same week while at my job working in a music store, a customer wouldn’t let me touch his guitar for fear that my little female hands might drop or damage his “expensive” baby.

While performing with my former band, there was always the occasional, “Oh, great!

Girls! They probably suck!” Of course after we were done killing it on stage, those guys were the first ones at the merch booth telling us how much we rocked.

The best example I can give you of what a woman in the music industry can expect when it comes to sexual bias would be a recent experience I had. It all started out as a meet-and-greet sort of audition. A fellow female musician found me online and asked if I would be interested in auditioning for the part of guitarist for an all-girl band that was being fronted by a pretty well known actor turned musician. The gig was a paying gig with some exposure, so I thought it couldn’t hurt to go meet up with the artist and his band, jam for a few and get the details. When I arrived, I was greeted by the girls in the band and then introduced to the front man himself. He was exactly how I pictured him. I had seen a few of his films and one of his older films, in particular, was an ultimate favorite of mine. The girls were very nice, and he was funny and friendly. Things got weird fast though when he started a speech about women empowerment and helping girls in need, taking them in and helping them with their careers, etc. He went on and continued to ask me if I was comfortable dressing sexy, emphasizing the importance of it. I sat there as he continued on, but I couldn’t help thinking to myself, “What is he talking about? How does all this have to do with empowering women?” The whole scenario sounded like a bunny ranch or wayward home for lost girls ready to get exploited by Hollywood. He went on to say required band attire consisted of something that looked similar to lingerie (but covered up a bit more) and a set of costume props that made the whole attire appear just a tad bit ridiculous and over the top and a far cry from the intended fantastical drama and sexy flare he was most likely trying to create in my opinion. The whole thing was a little out there and not the typical meet-and-greet you’d expect at an audition. At the end of the evening, he invited me to his birthday bash. It sounded like it would be interesting and would help me get a better idea of whom I’d potentially be working for.

I t was a Saturday night. I picked up a couple of my musician friends and went to the party. We arrived at the Hollywood mansion ready for an eventful night. A few nights before at the first meeting with the front man and his band of babes, I had been repeatedly asked if I would be comfortable in the band attire, the sexy sorta-kinda lingerie costumes. I hadn’t put much thought into it, so when I showed up to party I hadn’t realized that he had expected me to wear what his band was wearing. I wasn’t even a band member yet. Was the dude trying to get my clothes off or just see how

I looked in lingerie? I don’t know, but I wasn’t feeling comfortable. So there I was, with my friends, who are actually a big deal in music, in a half-empty Hollywood mansion. The room was semi-filled with men in zoot suits and half-naked girls in lingerie. It was awkward to say the least! I thought I was looking pretty sexy when I showed up in a small black biker bikini top and tight black leather spandex, but clearly, I was overdressed in comparison. When the birthday boy got a look at me and my comrades’ attire, he was not the least bit pleased. In the middle of the room, the man of the hour and his beautiful gang of half-naked girls immediately swarmed me. The 20 questions start. “Why are you not in the appropriate attire? Didn’t you know what kind of party this is? You were told you had to wear lingerie.” I was shocked and very surprised by the reaction to my clothing faux pas. I was never told any of what they were saying to me. It was the first time I was hearing this, and there was no way I was going to go home and change. The host made numerous attempts to go upstairs and borrow his female friends’ lingerie, but all of his attempts at convincing me to change did not budge me. There was nothing that was going to change my mind and make me anymore uncomfortable than I already was. For someone who said they were trying to portray a ‘female-empowered’ environment, it seemed quite the opposite. Empowering women has never meant forcing them to wear sexy clothes or perform half-naked. First of all, just because you can, doesn’t always mean you should. Just because I love my body and can pull off the nothing-but-lingerie look, it is not what empowers me as a woman. I think it’s more about your mind, body, soul, and how you put them to use. What do you do with it all? How do you hold yourself? Do you respect and love yourself? When you feel empowered, you can empower others. We can celebrate one another and root for each other. We all work better united, rather than separated.

I told the birthday boy that I appreciated the invite and had a pleasant time, and that I just wanted to stop by and wish him a happy birthday and be on my way.

He seemed pretty shocked and tried one last time to convince me to stay and change my clothes. I shook his hand, said my goodbyes, took my friends (who were still in shock by the entire event), and went on my way.

As a female, you’re expected to look sexy and play the part. You’re expected to just roll over and loose your self-respect and dignity just because you’re a woman in the industry. It’s something that’s been expected of women in the entertainment business for decades. But times are changing. If you’re a female or male out there, regardless of what field you’re in, hold on to your self-respect, know your self-worth, and always surround yourself with positive, like-minded individuals. Know who you are and own it. Also, verify if there’s a dress code before you go to a party.

WINDING ROADS I

n my mind I keep telling myself, men do not keep diaries. With that said, I also cannot help but to analyze the statement, “men do not cry.” However, my perspective has forever more changed since the first time I let tears proudly and freely flow down my face, years ago. I grew up in a home with an extremely strong, independent renaissance black man. The closest crying I had ever seen my father reach was on a night when I got smart with my mother. I watched my father’s eyes go from Dove soap white to Kool-Aid red in a matter of seconds. He was so angry with me that he was shaking uncontrollably and his eyes, slightly, watered as he tried to control himself.

In my house, that was as close as it came to seeing a tear fall from his eyes, that is, until about three years ago. I flew home to visit my family in good old Lubbock, Texas, “the 806”, “Hub City”: one of the most racist cities I have ever experienced, anywhere in the world. I could write an entirely separate book on the oppression and savage behavior of the good ol’ boys of West Texas but for now I’ll stick to the point.

On this trip home, I came in and my father immediately asked me to join him in his room to talk. This already was different for my family because we didn’t really talk much. We all just worked and did our own thing. My dad began talking to me from a place in his heart that I never experienced. In the 30 years I’ve been under his guidance, this is the first time he came to me to put me in check as an adult. He talked to my two younger brothers and me, and opened up to us about how sad he was that we were all so distant. He then proceeded to tell us how much we hurt our mother by not calling and showing her we love her more often. He went on to tell us, how sorry he was for being the way he was with us, but mostly how deep his regrets were with how he was to our mother. He confessed to us that the only reason he was still alive, and that our family had made it this far, was because of her strength and because of her love. By this point, tears were not only pouring down his face, but down the faces of

each one of his three sons. This was a major turning point for me, and a major reminder of how easy it is to drift off course.

Here I stood; in the eyes of the world I was a huge success, but to the woman that I loved the most, I failed her as a son. I failed her because I forgot why I left home in the first place. I did not remember that my journey towards a career in music was not for the awards, the pretty girls, the extravagant parties and lavish lifestyles. No, I left home with one goal. That goal was to help my mother open her own flower shop, so that she would not have to work for any of the assholes that she worked for when we were growing up. I succeeded at failing; I failed her, so in my eyes I failed at succeeding. Even though this hurt deeper than any physical wound one could imagine, it is exactly the pain I needed to experience. My mother has always been proud of me. I mean, for a kid who grew up in the middle of nowhere, in a city plagued with racism and hate, to achieve a fraction of what I had accomplished was unheard of. It feels good to see her smile full of pride in her first born son, but nothing compares to the happiness in her eyes when she sees how I love my daughter Skyler and soon to be wife Day’nah. I love them as she loved me, and that is the most important lesson any man can learn.

As far as the myth of men not crying, I now and forever more give no fucks about this rule. Crying with my father was one of the most strengthening moments of my life and I would not trade it for the world. In fact, I wish that there were many other times in our lives that we could have shared this level of intimacy with each other. As men we are not perfect. We are not glass, but we are not stone either. We all make mistakes but once we find our way through life’s winding roads there is one thing all men seem to have in common, and that is our love for our mothers and for our daughters.

If you really think about it, I am sure that everyone will agree that we fathers guard the lives of our daughters and do all we can to protect them from guys like our younger selves; irony in its highest form, which I have yet to solve the mystery of. Is the only woman a man is capable of truly loving his daughter? If this is true, what hope could a father possibly have to protect his little angel when she grows up? Countless fathers have proved this notion to be untrue; a real man can love beyond his child. Thus, revealing a major missing element in the conversation, a man’s wife.

This is the kind of love that is in the most fragile state.

The bond between man and woman has grown to become so broken and frail, that most people end up giving up and have very little faith in the reality of love. In today’s society, the idea of raising a child in a broken home is more of a norm than it has been at any point in human history. Even through art, we promote separation between the two sexes. Women become objects of desire and men become objects of financial stability. What is the solution?

Is there hope for change? As men, are we living up the expectations of our mothers? If not, are we ok with letting her down? How would most men feel if the habits, secrets and lies they have kept, hidden behind closed doors and within the code of degrading text messages, came to light to the woman that matters most?

Maybe the solution for men and women to break away from this insanity is to do what my dad and me did with each other. Maybe, we, as men, need to take the time to talk to women, that we barely know, and listen to their stories, listen to their pain and maybe they need to do the same with us. Maybe, we all need to cry together and find a way to relate to each other’s pain. As we grow, the one thing we all must learn is that only God can measure a mother’s worth. No matter how far off course her sons travel, true happiness can only exist when you find your way home.

SURVIVOR

S

weak and, eventually, she learns that her hunter is the true victim. She learns to embrace the fact that time will one day have its way with his kind. One day the memory of his wrong doings will haunt him beyond his grave. Eternity’s revenge will be sweet, and her spirit will be cleansed by this truth.

Her transition has not been easy. Learning to trust feels like choking, because hating her hunter feels just like breathing. Somehow, she finds a way. She learns to live all over again, even though a huge part of her spirit remains lost. She is too strong to remain

She is a survivor. No matter what the world did to hold her back, her smile could not be broken. Her eyes read sadness, but her heart beats freedom. Her wisdom will one day lead a new generation towards hope. She spent her lifetime being underestimated, but the end of her story will not be defined by his weakness. The tale of her survival will be defined by her strength.

he was the hunted. But now, she wears a lifetime of scars like a tiger’s stripes, visible for all to see. Her pain runs deep and, most days, remains dormant and unreachable by love. Against her will, her future was forever taken off course. She spent a lifetime recovering from the experience; her light hidden in the shadows of loves stolen kiss; every touch, in slow motion, and every word echoing through time. A predator’s breath, a thief’s touch and a criminal’s handshake surround her in a triangle of hate.

W

hen we are growing up, we are so pure.... our innocence literally radiates. We see a world where no harm can possibly exist. Well I had to learn at the age of nine, that’s not always the case. I can still remember it, every small detail of the day; a grown man robbed me of my innocence. The smell of warm chocolate heating on the stove, his wife making one of my favorite desserts… that’s where my whole world, as I knew it, was dramatically changed.

I couldn’t wait for my parents to get me from that house. It was supposed to be a place children would be safe and looked after, while the parents worked, or did daily tasks where children could not go.

That was the worst thing, I thought, could ever happen to ANY person, let alone a CHILD. I thought I could never experience anything that could possibly surpass the trauma of being molested.... oh how wrong I was. You see, when someone is molested, their thought process changes... well at least in my case. Every decision I made, was thought through over and over again in my head. From walking to school in the morning, so I wouldn’t be late, as my parents worked tirelessly and I never made it on time, to staying home EVERY SINGLE DAY, after school to watch over my three younger siblings, so they wouldn’t have to “need” a babysitter. That meant no school dances, no after school tutoring… which meant NO teen social life.

When I was 17 and about to graduate, I fell in love with a prince… well at that age, to me, he was my knight in shining armor. I felt extremely happy and loved, for the first time in so long. I felt “safe.” He promised to always be there and he helped me through my traumas, so I could pursue my dream. Although I had siblings, the only friends I truly had were a pen and a notebook. I would carry them around and pour my most intimate feelings into them. I had no one to talk to and they were my true, loyal, “friends.” I, actually, felt butterflies in my stomach and how it felt to go to sleep thinking of another soul and waking up to those same thoughts. It was beautiful!

My prince came just in time.... I thought. Once I graduated, I started a job as a manager, then before I knew it, I was married, living with him, and all before I could even, legally, have a glass of wine. In hindsight, I think I saw my prince as a “way out.” I felt at 19 years old, I had lived a lifetime. What I didn’t know was that, I put myself in a relationship that would test every ounce of bravery in me; test my sanity, and my endurance.

I remember the first time “it” happened. We were in my car, and he wanted me to make love to him. I wasn’t in the mood; I just had my third miscarriage. My body and mind were weak, and I was in so much pain, I couldn’t sit straight, so my seat had to be at an angle. Before I could finish saying, “are you serious, “ I felt a warm sensation around my mouth, a heaviness on my body, and my throat starting to get tighter and tighter. He raped me that night- my husband, my bodyguard, my hero… my prince.

After that, my marriage was filled with EVERY form of abuse you can think of.

Mentally, I was drained. I had no identity; I lived day-to-day. When I went out to promote concerts, events and shows, in various venues, everyone would always comment on how independent I was, how they loved my social ability to talk to people from all walks of life, etc. Yet to me, that never meant anything, I didn’t believe others because I didn’t even believe in myself! Years passed by and it seemed as if I was in a dream, because I, to this day, can’t remember any great events during that period of my life, except the birth and death of my daughter in 2004, and the birth of my oldest daughter in 2006, who by the grace of God is about to be 10 years old.

When you are humiliated as a human being, feel as if you’re nothing but a piece of furniture or accessory to someone’s life, you have no identity, no self-worth, no self-esteem. The cycle of domestic abuse is one I, still to this day, have trouble understanding. Sometimes as I laid there in bed, in the dark, crying silently as my “prince” used me to satisfy his needs. I would think how wonderful it must be to just not feel anymore… not cry anymore… not having to cover bruises anymore.

That was possible, because one thing I had always been sure of was… DEATH; Death is a reality for all of us. I came to a point in my life where I didn’t want to live, to feel, to exist.

I think the phrase, “You have to hit rock bottom “ is so washed out. I don’t know why I went through everything I did. I don’t know how I got out, when it ended; but I remember a small angelic face looking at me, one early Sunday morning as I laid in the bathroom with a bottle of pills (my husband would use for pain) and a swollen face. As I remember, it had been my 26th birthday and my husband went all out to celebrate it; I had fun that night…until we came home. As every other day, I was punched, kicked and dragged to the bathroom.

My daughter saved my life. Who would take care of her? What would her fate be?

Would she think I was a coward, not willing to get up and fight, if not for me...not even for HER? NO! I lived through horrible experiences and was still standing. There had to be a purpose to all the madness. So I promised to take it one day at a time, an hour at a time… a minute…a second. I remembered my faithful friends- that old pen and notebook. I looked for them, and although dusty, they were still there, loyal like always. Then I noticed something I seemed to have never read or understood. In the front of my notebook were the most encouraging words: “THE FUTURE BELONGS TO THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN THE BEAUTY OF THEIR DREAMS,”

by Eleanor Roosevelt. Everything made sense now! Why had I not ever paid attention to what was in my face every day? But now it didn’t matter, because I understood exactly what that meant.

I had Moxi Entertainment, which was the “cause” of the continuous abuse in my

marriage. My husband felt it was a dirty industry, and believed I was sleeping with artists, promoters, club owners, etc. The dreams I was striving for were becoming reality, yet being a female in the entertainment industry, you are, automatically, seen and labeled differently. At some point, you, either, get mad enough to prove others wrong, or you shut down and kill your dreams‌ Quitting wasn’t an option!

No matter how hard life gets; no matter the circumstances we are born into, or the situations we become a part of, if we stop dreaming of a better tomorrow, we have no right to feel sorry for ourselves. All we have to do is KEEP ON DREAMING FOR THAT BRIGHTER FUTURE! The mind of a human being is very extraordinary. If your thoughts, alone, can get you into the deepest dark depths of the human mind, they can, also, take you to the most brilliant places, and to that future you dream of.

Two and a half years after my divorce, I found myself starting over, in the most positive way possible. I have those loyal friends, again, who remind me to keep dreaming, for I dreamt of being in a safe environment, and I am. I dreamt of the beauty and warmth of family, and I have it every day. I still have many dreams to reach, but I know that I can reach them. My daughter has the same notebook now, and I tell her, every day, how lovely life is, and how lovely it is to dream of whatever your heart desires. I am my own inspiration, but it sure feels great to hear, from your child, that you are theirs!

I

have always been well aware that I was at a slight disadvantage being a woman in the music industry. Despite the many successes of women, fighting to break the glass ceiling in the corporate world, we must come to terms with the fact, that even in 2016, equal pay for men and women in the work room is not a constitutional right. Furthermore, I chose a career in a field that has no human resources or complaint department.

What happens to, us, girls in the music industry happens behind closed doors, curtains, and smoke filled rooms where dirty little secrets often get swept under the rug. We end up in studios with many of the same men who write, produce, and endorse the misogynistic lyrics that make todays biggest hits. Many of us fighting to be heard, or hoping to be seen for who we really are, appreciated for the talent we are blessed to posses, or respected for the passion for music that burns from deep within us. We fight a battle in this industry that unbeknownst to most, can be dark at times, especially if you, unfortunately, find yourself in the clutches of an oppressor using his power against you, and dangling your dreams in front of you like a morsel of food to a starving child.

I believe, to survive this industry as a woman you must have a superior mentality every time you enter a creative space with men you don’t know. Not to be confused with cockiness or ego, but rather a confidence that politely suggests, “don’t fuck with me” when you enter a room. You have to make it clear that you are there to work and not to hang out. The differentiation between the two sets the bar for how people in the room receive you. You are the talent, not the groupie, and making the difference clear could save you much pain and suffering.

I guess I would call it a blessing that I don’t have any studio horror stories to share.

Due to the fact that it is unfortunately an industry norm for men to overstep boundaries, I walk into most situations very guarded. In any moment that I have ever felt a session was focused on anything other than music, I left. I never take any chances to feel out or see where an uncomfortable situation might lead. If it feels strange, I’m out of there faster than a one hit wonder’s music career.

It was not until I was asked to write this diary entry that I realized; I have made my way through my career as a singer/songwriter driven by fear. The mere thought of encountering a man capable of using his power against me has terrified me from opening many doors and entertaining hundreds of opportunities. That’s pretty fucked up, when I think about it. This is such a major issue in the music industry, and I have heard so many horror stories, that I would rather risk failing at my dream than risk ending up in a room with a man using my dream against me. I am willing to bet that some opportunities I didn’t follow up on may have been genuinely great, door opening opportunities for me. But, as I stated before, if a persons intentions are not painfully clear to me in this music industry, I simply cannot take a chance on it.

Although I have been in the music industry since I was fourteen years old, since moving to Los Angeles in 2008, I have been faced with navigating this industry alone as best as I could. It was not just the tales of sexual abuse that frightened me, it was the pressure to act relaxed with people you are meant to work with, and also the pressure of discussing business with men who think that, because you are a young woman, you don’t know what you are entitled to. All of it scared me, and this is the first time anyone will ever hear me admit that.

I’ve always walked into every room tall, with the heart of a lioness and a fearless posture. I would often find ways to drag one of my “big brothers” along with me if I was unsure what to expect my first time at a studio. But most importantly, I always made certain that someone always knew my whereabouts. I think that it is important that as women we understand that, a lot of times, we have more power than we think. We have the power to excuse ourselves from awkward situations. We have the power to anticipate the worst-case scenario and prepare an “insurance policy,” in case shit happens. We have the power to stop the little inappropriate comments dead in their tracks before they even have the opportunity to grow into big inappropriate situations. We are not inferior to men, and thus, we must act accordingly, powerful.

Though I may have been afraid of ending up in certain situations, I have never been unafraid to walk away from any situation, because I truly believe that what is for me is for me and no one can take that away from me. If a producer, or record executive, or whomever feels that I need to sleep with them, for me to advance, then I believe I’m just not meant to work with them and it would have been the wrong path to my destiny. I have never been tempted by that notion in the slightest. I understand that there are all kinds of extenuating circumstances on levels I may not have reached, yet, and hope to never experience. But, I truly believe in my heart that the secret is being unafraid to “lose” out on something by not staying somewhere you were not wanted for your talent in the first place. If they are more worried about what’s between your legs than making the next hit, something is wrong.

I must address my final philosophy, and that is that as women we also have a level of accountability for the way we carry ourselves in this industry. In an age where the number of followers an artist has on social media seems to somehow trump their talent, it can be, quite, difficult to balance integrity and numbers. However, I still feel that you can’t be “that girl” on social media that has more pictures of their body than endorsement for her talent and wonder why people have ulterior motives when you get to a studio. Accountability doesn’t make what men who prey on those types of women do right, but it certainly can contribute to their outlook towards them. I am not saying that I feel women cannot be sexy (I’m all about owning your sex appeal), but I do feel that there is a time and place for everything. Think about it, if a male producer came to a session with his privates partially showing, how would most people receive that? Right… double standards go both ways.

Now, here comes the million-dollar question that I am sure many of you are wondering. If I am so unwilling to blur the lines of business and pleasure, how did I end

up with the GRAMMY award-winning author of this book, Devine Evans? (I know Devine didn’t think he was escaping this without at least shout out.) When I first met Devine, I had no intentions of working with him or becoming personally involved with him. This was not because I didn’t find him attractive, but because I did not come to his studio that night to work with him. I came to work with my friend Lex Lu, who happened to be his artist. Devine was to be at the studio that night finishing up a meeting with Lex, and I sat there fly on the wall style until he was done. He was about his business and I respected that. He couldn’t wait to get out of that studio and get home to his daughter. That observation both warmed my heart and gave me a little perspective on what type of man he was. He had heard nothing of my work and I was unaware of his long list of achievements at the time. We were simply two individuals with a mutual respect for each other who greeted each other briefly and cordially, and that was it.

Over time, Devine and I followed each other’s achievements from a distance. He reached out to me after seeing footage of some of the shows I had been doing at the time. I believe what he saw in me was crazy potential that needed guidance. I had so much passion packed in my tiny little self and it was just bursting out of every which way, but I needed someone I could trust to work with and hone my strengths.

We decided to have a meeting to explore the possibilities of working together and everything from there has been such a whirlwind of awesomeness, that I will do my best to put into words that make sense.

I walked into our lunch meeting and after a few cordial formalities said something to the effect of, “I’ve been making the music I like, my way, on my own, and I’m sure the mix sounds terrible, but it’s all I’ve got and I stand by my work because it has made me happy.” He grinned, I’m sure because it flew out of my mouth as if it were rehearsed because, remember, this was our first legit meeting, and I was guarded.

We chatted over lunch about all kinds of things and how passionate we were about music. This was the first time I realized the man I was sitting across from was BRILLIANT. He was as painfully truthful as they come and we were on the same page.

There was a vibration in the room on a higher level; it was accompanied by respect and no expectation that dictated the outcome of our meeting.

What sealed the deal that we were meant to be creative partners in crime was what came out of my mouth next. “So check it,” I said reluctantly, “I wanna play you some songs in the car, I have had this idea for ages to do a my own R&B rendition of Jay-Z’s first album Reasonable Doubt. It has been difficult to pull together the musicians I need to execute this vision but I think it’s a dope idea.” You should have seen this mans face light up. We were on the same page, in the same chapter, of our favorite book of all time, HIP HOP. We paid for our lunches and headed out to his car. Devine listened to the songs and it confirmed what he knew all along, there was serious potential there. We agreed to work on my first full solo project which we debuted on June 26, 2015 Reasonable Doubt: The Lost Tapes. We have gone on to work together on projects for artists like (my sistah from another mistah) Queen

Latifah, Janet Jackson, Janelle Monae, and most recently the incredible soundtrack to this book.

Now, that was the beginning of my business relationship with Devine. To explain the beginning of our personal relationship, I have to tell the tale of a different side of Devine, better yet, a different man. I will here forth refer to this side of Devine as “Mr. Incredible” in keeping with the theme of this book.

“Mr. Incredible” was a way more vulnerable man whom I met over time. I watched “Mr. Incredible” give so much to so many people in his life asking for nothing in return. I also watched people walk into “Mr. Incredible’s” life when they needed things, and disappear like thieves in the night when they had gotten all that they came for. I watched this man go home to his beautiful daughter, Skyler, every night, in hopes he would make it in time to enjoy a movie with her before she had to go to bed. I happened to meet “Mr. Incredible” at point in his life, whether he knew it or not, he needed someone that didn’t want anything from him. I was that person.

I will never forget the night, we were supporting a friend at a show, and the room was active, drinks everywhere, and I saw the weight of the world just resting on his shoulders. It baffled me that no one else in the room could see. It was almost as if time stopped and we were in a bubble and no one knew what was going on. In midst of all of the celebrating that was going on around us, I looked him dead in his eye and I said, “For just a few seconds close your eyes and think of only you and Skyler. What do you want? What do you need? Fuck everybody else, including me. What is best for you? When you find the answer, do that.” I believe it was in that moment where our souls recognized each other on another level. The rest of the story is history.

It is pretty much safe to say that our situation is unique. As far as blurring the lines of business and personal relationships is concerned, we actually don’t, and we never did. Business is always business as usual we have some tough days where we don’t see eye to eye, but it never comes home with us. I work with Devine Evans, and have built a life with “Mr. Incredible”. We ride around the city like Bonnie and Clyde murdering tracks and listening to throwback records together. Forever bound by music, respect, love, and passion.

While many men in this industry are guilty of taking advantage of women they work with, I would be remised if I didn’t pay respect to some of the amazing men that I have worked with, who obtain a high level of respect for women and appreciate their musical contributions to my life. I am grateful for people like my play brother and writing partner Gabe Roland, who if ever asked if we have ever hooked up would respond in a disgust so truthful that it is endearing, “Ew, that’s my sister!” I am thankful for my amazing manager Jarvis Taylor. Lastly, I am thankful to the following gentlemen: Luke Austin, Seth Hope, Y2 (my brother wizard), Wes Styles, Hakan Mavruk, Ray Angry, Big D, Marcus D Tray, Authentik Beats, Gavin Brown, Ventage Frost, Briddy (my brother from another mother), Keith Harris and many others I have had the pleasure of working with, for being such wonderful gentlemen on every occasion we have been blessed to create together.

Before closing I’d like to impart these final words of encouragement my girls in the industry.

Protect yourself, do whatever you have to, and if people have a problem with you protecting yourself, then my belief is that they are showing you their true intentions, right then and there. Stay strong and stay confident. We are women, we are almighty, and we deserve our place in, not only this industry, but in every workplace. Lastly, I would like to say to my girls that have been victims of men in the music industry abusing their power; keep your head up, do not let your circumstance defeat you; rise like a phoenix from the ashes and tell your story, your testimony could save a young woman in the future.

M

any say that it requires thick skin to survive in the music industry, and as women, we often face unique challenges as we strive in this male-dominated industry. In my experience, I have been blessed to work with talented men who did not offer their musical services in exchange for sexual favors, in order for me to work with them. I’m particular about the circle of people I surround myself with, in my personal life, and that same principle transcends over into my music career. I always pray about projects, and whether or not I should take an opportunity that is presented to me. Things may look great on the outside, but once you get into the situation, often, it’s not what it was disguised to be.

The music industry is a business, just like any other business. If I were to going on a job interview, I would not only be interviewed, but I, too, would ask questions and evaluate the culture of that company to make sure it’s a good fit. I think it’s important, as an artist, to do the same thing. It’s easy to get so caught up in trying to “get on,” that you allow yourself to be willing to accept, or do anything, to work with certain producers and writers to get a song done, to hang in certain circles, or to get signed to a label. As a female recording artist, I learned to be OK with walking away from certain situations that would not, ultimately, benefit me. Saying “No,” to the wrong situations, put me in position to say “Yes” to the right ones.

I, not only, worked with men who produced or wrote records for me, but men who actually took the time to invest in me; they invested their knowledge, skill and resources to make me a better artist and equip me with the tools I needed to be successful on my musical journey. I worked with one producer, who would send me emails every week, with everything from songwriting handbooks to tips on recording, music business principals, and information on marketing my music and building a team. I worked with another producer, who took time to listen and give me his expert opinion and advice on songs I recorded that he didn’t even produce, and another who would pray with me before my sessions. These are just a few examples of how these individuals enriched my life as a recording artist.

I am extremely grateful for these men who have helped set the bar for others that I may work with in the future.

Some of the people I’ve worked with, originated through relationships from other artists or people in the industry, who I knew and trusted; they gave me referrals. In my first session working with new people, the person that gave me the referral came with me, to the session, to formally introduce me and help bridge the new relationship. By keeping those relationships professional, it allowed me to avoid uncomfortable situations, working with men. I think it is important to have creative chemistry with whomever I work with, but to, also, have mutual respect for each other. In addition, it’s crucial to set clear expectations upfront, to avoid any misunderstanding later.

My advice to other female recording artists would be: to love, to value, and to believe in yourself so much so, that you don’t let false appearances of men, who seem like they have power over you and your music career, allow you to compromise yourself. Let your uniqueness, your drive and your talent be what determines your success!

I

was five years old when I touched a piano for the first time. Ever since that moment, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life, although it always felt like a dream that was unattainable; a goal that was unreachable, based on talent and hard work alone. Growing up, I had no friends who were musicians and no peers to share my love of making music with, until I moved to Los Angeles. I always heard of “shortcuts” in order to get your album heard, get featured on a track, picked up for a tour, etc., but it never once crossed my mind as an option to get my foot in the door.

There was a time, early on in my career, where I had nothing except my music. I got kicked out of school, didn’t have a place to live, didn’t have any money and,

since I refused to move back home and give up on my dream, I ended up living in my car for about a year with nothing but my keyboard. Would I have taken a “shortcut,” had it been offered to me at the time? Maybe. But looking back now, my whole career would have been built off of regret; touring the world and performing in arenas, knowing the only way I got there was because I let another person take advantage of me, at a time where I felt like I had nowhere else to turn.

In the last ten years, I’ve been working as an artist, touring keyboardist and studio pianist. I have witnessed, avoided, but have unfortunately, also, experienced harassment, in the music business. In no way did I, intentionally, put myself in such a position; however, I allowed

someone else’s actions make me feel less than what I was worth. It didn’t take long for me to change my way of thinking and realize that I had done nothing wrong. Was I angry? Yes. Was I a victim? Absolutely not.

There is a dark side to this business, but it’s a side that we never have to be a part of. The more women come together, and make it known that we refuse to let our dreams, goals and careers be tainted as a result of someone else’s actions, the stronger we’ll become as individuals. Becoming a working musician is hard; building yourself up after experiencing any form of harassment, is harder. However, both are attainable. Both are reachable. And no one has the right to break our hustle.

W

hile becoming acclimated to Los Angeles, I saw a lot of things. Coming from a small town in St. Louis, Missouri, (the city that I, now, call my home) it seemed to be bubbling with physical appeal and material treasures. Women dressed up in very seductive clothing or, sometimes, barely dressed at all. It was everywhere. This was not typical for me, however.

While working in the studios, I began to get noticed, a lot, for my artistry and songwriting. So many aspiring artists, would in-turn ask me to write or vocal produce for them. I was always happy to work, so I would say yes. One particular artist did not have the financial backing to afford some of my services, so instead of saving up or negotiating a payment plan, she immediately threw herself at me, saying, “I think you’re hot...” or “I think you’re cute; we should date...” That simply disgusted me, only because I’ve worked and struggled to get everywhere I am.

“The body is not built for such misuse.”

I’ve shared this story with others (also in the industry) who they laughed and asked why I didn’t go through with it. (Wow; not the least bit shocked!) It was plain to see from the friends that I made in LA, that it was considered the absolute norm to proposition whatever, physical, goods you had to “get-ahead.” May work for some, but in the end, it’s never worth it.

I noticed bits and pieces of this back in St. Louis, where females were a vast minority in the music community. The male-dominated musical matrix, out there, left aspiring female artists with the idea that they had to, either date the producer or the studio owner just to get a decent sounding mix, and then go sleep with the DJ to get it played. A “process” that is long and drawn out; “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” Once I noticed that “trend” within several production companies, I began purchasing my own studio equipment. I taught myself how to track vocals, produce and mix. This, in a way, fueled me to be better and more self-reliant in the industry… I guess you can call that motivation.

W

hile my journey, as an artist, has not always been easy, it has been blessed. I have had so many generous and genuine people share their knowledge and talents with me. For example, I first met Nico Stadi, my producer and creative partner six years ago. Besides being, superhumanly, talented, Nico also has the character to match. He has been with me through two deals and has seen me at my lowest and highest points. His unwavering support and dedication to the music, we make together, is unparalleled. He truly respects and values my creative input and has never once made me feel my creative ideas are unwanted or less valuable than his. In fact, I feel the complete opposite. Creating with Nico is a gift and our time together is as much fun, as it is productive and professional. We share something magical together and I never take that for granted.

Truthfully, I’ve been lucky to receive respect and love from all of the producers I have worked, closely, with. Jack Splash and Warryn Campbell have been great mentors and supporters of mine. Besides being extremely gifted, these men are incredibly intelligent and rich with vision. They know talent is beyond gender and age. I feel so blessed to collaborate and share a friendship with all of them. I’ve been lucky and I am very grateful.

Q

ueens Only! For my ladies out there, you HOLD the POWER, in every room you walk into. Let me further break it down: How you enter a room, especially a room full of men, is crucial. The importance of your entrance sets the tone of how the wolves will approach you.

When working in the music industry, it is inevitable that you will have to collaborate with men. The number one key is to keep it professional, on all levels, most importantly, with the way you dress. The goal is to always look professional, not sexy. I’m an advocate of embracing your sexiness, however, there is a time and a place for sexy; a studio, record label, meeting, etc., may not call for that sort of attention. Save it for your man, and keep the other men focused on business!

The inevitable may happen, and you may find yourself alone with an exec, producer, businessman, etc., and feel uncomfortable vibes from them; my advice is to take control and center the conversation back to business. If that is unsuccessful, and he presses the issue, simply stop the conversation and tell him he is making you feel uncomfortable.

You will know, based on his reaction, if you should continue the meeting or excuse yourself and leave. No career boost is worth the infinite scar of unwanted, pressured or forced sex.

Morality is always going to play a huge part. It is difficult to reject an opportunity that can lead to a huge career boost. This is where your ethics come in. Right now, while you are in a non-pressured, clear frame of mind; make a decision as to what you would do, in awkward sexually pressured situations, and remember that decision. The key to this exercise is to make a sound decision, with a clear mind. Under circumstances, the mind becomes clouded or pressured; the answer is already stored in your memory bank. Your mindset, in your clearest space is a reflection of your reality, as well as a forecast of expectations to have, when dealing with sharks. You are what you attract, so choose wisely!

As long as you remember that you are always in control, you will never find yourself defeated by the pressures of a male in the industry.

Stray from negative thoughts; one opportunity passed, is not worth compromising your self-respect. Your longevity, in this industry, will last far longer and, more importantly; you’ll have peace of mind!

Love and light, queens.

Although I don’t remember the exact moment when I knew I was destined to become a singer, my mother seems to believe that she does. And every year around my birthday, she, giddily, shares her version of the story. It was an ordinary day; my father was at work, she had just finished tidying up the kitchen, and I was playing with my toys in a room nearby. Since it had been 15 or 20 minutes, since she’d last checked on me, she decided to take another peak around the corner.

While in route, she began to hear a peculiar sound, and as she got closer, she just knew that the operatic voice, she heard, could not possibly be coming from her twoyear-old daughter. Perhaps I’d overheard something on the television or radio, or maybe Barbie and Ken were just tired of having the same mundane conversation with each other that afternoon. Whatever the case may have been, my mother would soon have a front row seat to, what was arguably, the most dramatized production any toddler had, instinctually, orchestrated. She laughed; she cried…no actually... she just laughed. But, it was a day that she would not soon forget, and it was the moment that, in retrospect, marks the beginning of my musical journey.

I grew up in a Christian household, with very protective parents. My father always taught me to strive for excellence, and to do so with humility and integrity.

Through him, I learned to appreciate the value of a person’s word and character, as well as the importance of self-respect and honor. For those teachings, I am forever thankful, as they constantly serve as my guide and moral compass. Ironically enough, however, it has been my sense of purpose, drive, and self-worth that seemingly “interfere” with my career and ability to advance.

Sex sells, and certainly at a more rapid rate than talent alone, in this day and age. In an industry predominantly run by men and heavily saturated with young, ambitious women who are willing to “do whatever it takes,” it is both disheartening and discouraging for women like me, who refuse to compromise or belittle themselves in order to get (often times, merely a few steps) ahead. Time and time again, I’ve heard, “You’ve got the total package. I’m gonna make you a star!” And with every proclamation, a proposition likely followed.

“Hey. I know it’s late, but I was wondering if you could stop by the studio for a few hours. I have a drink with your name on it.” “You’re so beautiful. I could see myself marrying someone like you. Let’s make some magic.” “I don’t want to charge you for this. Just let me take you on a date. It’ll be fun.” Nothing could be further from the truth.

As a result of my unorthodox methods and determination to make a way for myself based upon effort, ability and dedication alone, you could say that I still have not quite “arrived,” while some of my peers have gone on to have at least moderately successful careers in the entertainment industry. Although I don’t condemn them for the choices they’ve made, I do, wholeheartedly, believe that women are capable of achieving great things without selling themselves short. The key, without a doubt, is acquiring all of the pertinent skills, information and contacts – being in the “know.” Now, more than ever, knowledge is power. To date, I’ve studied music business, marketing, branding, contracts, accounting, psychology, theory, composition, production, diction, and education. With each completed course, I have become more empowered and confident that I can and will achieve all that I set out to, simply because I took the time to understand all of the elements required to do so.

There is one other important piece to this puzzle, perhaps more important than any of the others, is having an open, giving spirit. As the saying goes, “to whom much is given, much is required,” and each of us has a responsibility to use our gifts, talents and resources to help those who will one day succeed us. Often, in the midst of “trying to make it,” we lose sight of who we are and why we began our journey in the first place.

Feelings of stagnation and hopelessness set in, leaving us cold, disconnected and disgruntled. We take no interest in doing anything for anyone else, as if somehow serving the universe with some sort of payback for all of the injustices we’ve endured; but, it is in our darkest hour that we are given the opportunity to shine the brightest. And when we live this way, giving freely to others, and remaining equally open to receiving in the same manner, we have no choice but to succeed.

M

y first recording experience came within five minutes of stepping off a plane from Nebraska. I was thrown into a world and industry, I knew nothing about. I didn’t have time to worry or overthink anything; all I could do was sing.

I was in awe of hearing my voice playing back over speakers; I felt so cool, as I slipped one side of the headphones off my ear, like I saw so many of my idols do when they would record. I took direction effortlessly, and most of all, I was having legitimate fun.

In a lot of sessions, you just walk in blind and have to commit, listen to feedback and stop second guessing your talents. When I think back to that first session, in a room full of experienced, talented, award-winning professionals, my naivety turned out to be my biggest advantage.�

I

’ve been pursuing a music career for the past few years, and can honestly say that if something sounds too good to be true, then it usually is. More times than I can count, I have been promised a record deal (or some form of assistance to help make it in the industry) only to find out, in the end that, that particular person (9.9 out of 10 times “that person,” being a man) was not interested in helping me at all, and only interested in helping themselves.

Although, I do believe there are genuinely good people working in the industry, the number seems to dwindle drastically, and there are people, few and far between, that actually care about your success. Countless times, I have been invited to studios to collaborate and record, only to find drugs, alcohol and sleazy guys trying to hit on me. It is very disappointing, as I consider myself a professional singer with a lot of creative talent to offer the music industry.

Nowadays, it seems as though, for a female to make it in the industry, you have to either sell out or put out. I don’t plan on doing either. My faith in God, calling me to this industry, keeps me strong and going! I truly believe that everyone has their own unique, specific destiny to lay hold of while on this earth. Music is not a profession for me, it is a calling.

Do not pursue a career in this industry for fame and fortune. If you are desperate or hungry to make it, you will end up compromising your character and/or beliefs, and do things you will, more than likely, regret. Come into this with thorough knowledge about the business side, and always exude an attitude of positivity and confidence. You are unique and have something special to offer the music world. If some people fail to notice your talent, and instead hit on you solely for your looks, respectfully decline and move on.

I

consider myself to have been pretty lucky in the music industry in many ways.

Most importantly, I was introduced into the game when I was 15 years old. No one was looking to get with a 15-year-old girl—and I actually looked 15.

Once I hit 18 years old, certain things changed. Producers that used to call me “lil’ sis” started calling me “babe” or similar things. I’ve never been asked to suck a d*** or do any other sexual favors in exchange for money, a deal or success, however, I have been in situations where, for instance, men were watching porn in the studio and asking me personal questions about my sex life...clearly highly unprofessional. I knew coming into this industry that I’d have to be prepared for things like that; it really just comes with the territory. Producers and managers have sent me texts saying, “send me sexy pics,” but I, always, respond with a picture of a gremlin or something hideous. Honestly, I like to have fun with it; you can’t take it too seriously, otherwise, you’ll get discouraged very quickly.

I’ve heard horror stories and have, multiple, female friends that have been in situations, where they felt they had to do “certain things,” for their label not drop them. I can understand that pressure and wanting success, so badly, that you’ll do anything.

I feel grateful to have gained a certain level of respect, as a creative person in this industry, so the men, who actually know me, KNOW that I don’t play that! Word travels fast and the music industry is way smaller than people, on the outside, think it is. I have great people around me and when I do, by chance, encounter someone who wants something “extra” from me, it’s extremely easy to walk away. I’ve gone, my entire career, without dropping to my knees! And so can anyone else, with hard work.

I

n my opinion, women, occasionally, tend to look at themselves as victims, instead of conquerors. A bold statement, I know. Women should be more aware that some men, in this industry, will try their hand at having sex with them, just as much as, women who flaunt themselves in order to get ahead in the industry.

I have not, personally, incurred such a situation, because I was taught how to conduct myself and how to be self-aware. I am not, in any way, saying that every situation or disrespectful statement is the female’s fault. I can only say, that when a man approaches me in, what I may deem as unprofessional, I know how to correctly handle it so that we may maintain a working relationship.

I am able to give off a presence and air of no tolerance, without exuding a presence of being a bitch. If there is alcohol and weed everywhere, I, very quickly, excuse myself from the session, text the person that initially invited me, explain that I don’t work in environments like that, and recommend we do a one-on-one session another time.

You can choose what setting you want to be around and what kind of company you wish to keep. Know who you are working with, before you work with them. Meet and vibe out with your fellow producers and songwriters, and don’t be so pressed to take every job. No one has the key to your future but you and God. You have the power to take your power back. For the women that exhibit this positive attitude and educate the ones that choose flaunt themselves, men will have to respect us more because we are showing that we respect ourselves.

I

’ve been working in and around the “alternative” music scene for over ten years, first being a guitarist, then the lead vocalist in various bands in and around my hometown, along the south coast UK. I made a move to London and was in two other bands, before my current band, Death KoolAid.

Being a female has its advantages, but also has its disadvantages. The role of a female-fronted vocalist is a strong upholding part to play, but some men can exploit that role. Luckily, I have never been propositioned or needed to throw myself at a guy to make my way to the top. I would never go so far as to sleep with a guy to get my band a step closer to fame. Let’s not forget the fact that a lot of women are pulling the strings at the top of big music industry corporations, and we are not living in the 80’s anymore. I do not think female musicians need to sleep with anyone to become successful, and doing so, just demeans themselves and their musical integrity.

Yes, you can use your looks to catch people’s attention, which is an “edge,” I feel, females have, whether current culture likes it or not. I am not a feminist (to be clear) and no matter how much we fight for equal rights between genders, at the end of the day men and women are different. There will always be a battle between boobs and balls.

I

am an independent artist from Los Angeles, CA. Being that I am, what society calls, a lesbian, but more importantly, a professional woman, I have tried to keep myself out of sexual situations with men in this music industry. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been approached or haven’t dealt with the issue.

In my case, I feel it’s worse because I am confident in who I am and that can be challenging to some men in this industry. Some men react rudely and some love the chase. I’ve had a few experiences, where they found out they had no chance and some wrote me off and tossed me away, as if I never existed. I’ve, also, lost male managers and music associates because they had their own agendas in mind, when it came to me or the women around me, which had nothing to do with my music.

Some men, I’ve worked with, wanted to turn me into this sex symbol, in a way that wouldn’t represent my message and who I am as a true artist. This fueled my fire to become even more of my artist self. It forced me to, truly, find and accept myself, build and evolve into who I am as a person and independent artist. As I stayed my authentic self and my hustle remained consistent, I started to gain respect from men who carried themselves professionally. I started to work with, and come across, men that were about growth in this business and looked at me for my talent, drive and work ethic. I, now, predominately work with men.

I feel like anyone can cross paths with the right industry professionals if you stay true to yourself, keep your eye on the prize and never quit. I’m not going to sit here and say that staying true to yourself, and not quitting, is that easy or simple. The truth is, it is one of the hardest things to do. I am still on the journey myself, but I can say from experience that gaining respect from men in this industry, in a professional manner, can be done. Carry yourself with confidence, respect, stay consistent and don’t be afraid to walk away if it conflicts with who you are or what you represent. There are plenty of people in the world that are looking to build, work and create music, without forcing sexual favors or agendas. Keep searching and stay true to you.

A

s someone who, always, had the desire to be an artist in the entertainment industry, I was very fortunate to have years of indirect industry experience, which prepared me to handle certain, inevitable, situations as I grew into my artistry and became directly involved. I had, already, witnessed the positive and negative effects of “politics” in the industry and opportunities that weren’t as lucrative as, initially, presented.

There are key lessons I’ve had to learn on my own: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket,” “Keep a supportive team in your corner,” “Work in silence and allow the product to speak for itself” and “Sex sells; that doesn’t mean you have to.” More importantly, there are lessons I have begun to teach and share with others, like “Don’t make assumptions about a woman’s creative capabilities because of what’s ‘typical.’ ” I write and produce all of my music, which is not considered prevalent among women in the industry. I’ve had to, occasionally, inform people that music production and overall creative control is NOT gender-based.

I want to continue to showcase my art through what I do. Hard-work, skill and desire are not gender-based and everyone has the potential to succeed with the right tools. I’m not a female producer. I’m a producer.”

W

hen approached about contributing to this book and sharing my experience, I hesitated for a second, thinking, “I don’t really have any outrageous stories.” And then I started reviewing the past ten years, since I really delved into the music industry, performing at festivals and working with producers. Retrospectively thinking about how normal it was that many, of those producers, promoters and even “entourage,” of some of the more famous artists, believed it was to put their hands around a woman’s waist, trying to convince them that “they will be able to work so much better and can make so much more happen, if they get the sexual energy out of the way.”

Some would try to put you down and tell you everything that is “wrong” about you and your body, in order to, then, say, “Maybe I’m mistaken and your breasts are not as small. Why don’t you show me?” Others, with their hurt ego over the rejection, would even go as far as to post comments on social media vilifying you.

The worst part is, this is all relatively normal, and happens so casually that you don’t even realize it happens anymore. You just learn to cope, push them away, and stay nice and polite.

Many women struggle with the burden of “staying nice,” or being scared to lose out on an opportunity and worried about the lies that some may start spreading.

I

have been singing all my life... it’s all I have ever known. From being in school productions and the church choir, to singing on TV, to performing in front of thousands of people, and having my music played on the radio.

was only there to work. I think in the end the guys respected that, but it made me angry that they would think otherwise. Honestly, dealing with men in the music industry is tough, because there are a lot of gorgeous and talented female singers out there. Sometimes people get bitter if they don’t get what they want, but I can always be proud that I stayed true to me, and was never someone who gave in for a bit of fame.

I started writing and recording at the age of 18. I was a bit shy, but was, often, told that I wasn’t “sexy” enough, which was something I had to be more of. This bothered me because I felt like I was already being viewed as a sex This industry is male-dominated... that’s just the way it is! I don’t think it is ever going to symbol, but I also recognized the fact that, change, however, I am okay with that. As a unfortunately, SEX does sell. young woman, you have to demand respect from others so you are seen as intelligent, So as I continued to cut songs and produce talented and able to stand your ground. My more material, I began to get exposure on BBC radio, as a young emerging artist. I start- advice, to any young ladies wishing to pursue a career in the entertainment field, would be: ed to meet more producers and was invited to work with them. I started to feel an energy to know and be accountable for how you carthat made me feel uncomfortable, and felt like ry yourself– this is your responsibility. most of the producers I worked with were trying to hook-up with me, and that making music was really not their priority; this really annoyed me. They would prolong sessions or not work, which frustrated me! I never let anything happen, because I would immediately check them and make them aware that I

I

feel very honored and inspired to be included in this much-needed book of awareness! I’ve seen many talented artists, sadly, drop out of the music industry because of all the tests and injustices that we, constantly, have to endure, for simply living out our calling. I’ve been very active and dedicated to expressing my own obstacles and experiences, in hopes of saving others from the pit of the music industry. I’m begging other artists not to sell their souls! There’s always a better way- a lasting and more powerful path to achieving true success! In my opinion, a true artist, who achieves true success, always has integrity. True artists, and unfortunately the not-so-true artists, do influence the world with their works. We are living examples since we are constantly in the spotlight. Music is so powerful, that it can either empower others or destroy them. We can make a big impact on young kids who will grow up to change the world, if we stay true to ourselves. My entire last album “Break Free” is all about believing in yourself and staying on the right path.

I was raised by parents who always taught me my worth as a woman, and injected me with life-long values. I was always taught, from a very young age, that I never had to compromise myself for the wrong reasons. Believe me, that came very handy when I started my journey in the music business.

I’ve just had way too many heartbreaking encounters with con artists and scum bags, in this business, to mention. Every one of my female (and some male) artist friends, have been through the same kind of hardships. The trick is really to never stop believing in yourself and in your purpose. My path has not been an easy one, but it was and is worth all the obstacles I’ve had to endure. Nowadays, people want to work with me for all the right reasons. I’ve become extremely self-sufficient, and discovered my truest self from staying on the right path, even during the most challenging and darkest moments in my career. Here’s some advice for all those artists who want to keep the only thing that is truly theirs- Your soul!

Don’t sell out! There are no shortcuts in life. If you get something too fast or for the wrong reasons, be ready to keep the lie lit for the rest of your career. Don’t rely on, or base your career on, your looks and sexuality. If you do, it is what will be expected of you for the rest of your career, not to mention, there is always an expiration date. Some women think that if a powerful person in the industry is

attracted to them, they will get ahead, when in actuality, many times the guy will become very possessive and will not truly want you to get ahead; you are now solely a fixed part of their ego. Your soul is all you really have when you arrive and leave this world. Don’t give it away!

I have a lot of compassion for artists, because we all have a major calling that is undeniable, but our path is not an easy one. When things just don’t seem to be moving fast enough, we start to lose hope and become very vulnerable and susceptible to being misguided. People in the industry play with our dreams and vulnerabilities like crazy! It happens to the best of us! We are misdirected and mistreated with our gifts and truest purpose, and it becomes so tough to keep moving without any real validation of our purpose, no real promises or support. We are constantly encouraged to be like someone else, who sold out, or to conform to a situation that is extremely morally wrong. Anything that is given to you in this life way too easily, or for the wrong reasons, will eventually turn on you. Our entire existence is based on tests that can either enlighten us or hold us back. Please remember, we all have choices. ANYBODY WHO PUSHES YOU AWAY FROM YOUR INTEGRITY IS JUST A TEST. Don’t dirty up your own precious karma for someone who doesn’t appreciate your God-given gifts. They will not be able to get you there anyway, and you will lose yourself and your purpose, and any success you receive, will become a living nightmare. Please listen to my songs of hope and perseverance, “Break Free,” “Office in the Sky,” and “Bourgeois Peasant,” for reference or inspiration to BELIEVE IN YOURSELF, FIRST, NO MATTER WHAT! Set boundaries from the very beginning! Everyone will try to have their cake and eat it too. If you feel that someone is making passes at you or showing strong signs of sexual attraction, just respectfully decline or give them a kind warning from the very start. Don’t be fooled by or give into false promises that come with the wrong expectations, because it will only lead you to a traumatizing outcome with negative repercussions. It’s natural for people to find a beautiful talented woman attractive, but IT’S NOT OK for anyone to think that, by helping you, they are entitled to possess you or sleep with you! Even if you’re flattered, set those boundaries in a respectful way and please don’t forget that they are only one person in this giant world. There is a big audience just waiting to receive you with love and pure respect, FOR YOUR PRECIOUS MUSIC! If you hang in there and stay true, the right opportunity will meet your efforts and set you free! Please don’t be insecure. Respect yourself and your music by setting strong boundaries from the start! You will scare away potential lowlifes and attract productive and professional relationships to your career. You will blossom and become unstoppable! Don’t have conversations about person-

al things in your meetings, unless it has to do with your works. Make sure your music is at the forefront of every meeting.

Stay in motion and don’t just put all your eggs into one tainted basket. Don’t surrender yourself and force it to work, with that one wrong person, out of fear of not finding the right one, because you will be taken advantage of and have no way out. Always give yourself as many options as possible so that, if one contact turns out bad, you have three more to try out; otherwise, you will feel obligated to give into someone’s wrongful requests. They will, eventually, make you feel desperate, defeated and deflated, with little to no hope. It’s an illusion!! THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF CONTACTS OUT THERE, SO YOU’RE NEVER TRULY STUCK WITH ANYONE, ESPECIALLY NOT A SOUL-SUCKING SEXUAL PREDATOR! Nobody will pass up a true talent that they really believe in. At first, some will try to have their cake and eat it too, but if you respectfully decline, they will either respect you more or help you, for the right reasons, with proper boundaries in mind. In most cases, your industry contact will actually respect you more and take you way more seriously, if he senses your strength and commitment to your work. If he doesn’t, then he wasn’t intending on moving forward with you to begin with. You will also know right away what their intentions are, and if they are serious about moving forward with you or not, otherwise, you will not only waste a lot of your own precious time, but it will leave you feeling so low and jaded that it may be tough to get back up again and trust others. Protect your heart, soul, mind and purpose from losing hope and missing out on real opportunities with genuine people.

Try and always meet with people during the day, and research anyone you are meeting with. Take someone you trust along with you to help you assess someone’s motives, otherwise it’s so easy to hear the right things and overlook all of the warning signs of anyone who has the wrong intentions for you.

Have contracts with everyone! If you take your work seriously, so will others. Get promises down on paper, with a written deadline. If someone isn’t right, don’t waste any more time. There’s five more people who are looking for someone just like you! Initially, it’s tough to even find that one person who truly gets you and will be able to really help you on your unique path, but if you’re willing to work hard and stay dedicated, then luck will meet your efforts. Don’t sign any contracts with anyone who is attracted to you; it’s asking for trouble. You will be stuck in a bad situation that can keep you tied and chained from growing. Better to keep looking and seeing this as a sign that you need to keep developing yourself and attracting the right person or people to your work.

Become as self-sufficient as possible, and build your gifts and skills so that people want to work with you for the right reasons, based on your talent first and foremost. The more you know, the faster you can get ahead and not rely on favors. It’s not wise to rely on others for everything. It also hinders you from developing your truest works, based on who you really are, otherwise, someone else, with little to no vision, will step in and not only

tell you who you are, but stunt your growth away from what will set you apart from the rest. You can’t bypass the necessary developmental stages of yourself and your work anyway. Build yourself and your career, based on your real authentic self, and the right people will come to you!

It’s important to trust people and to give them an honest chance to help and guide you professionally; but if you’re being misled from what feels right, then learn to never underestimate your instincts!

Learn to expect the tests and prepare yourself, with rationality, not fear or paranoia. You are way more powerful than you realize, and these opportunities will unveil your strength and wisdom. Don’t let obstacles lower your confidence or make you think that you’re not worth being appreciated for the right reasons. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH HARD WORK AND A VISIONARY ATTITUDE! If you feel an unwavering desire to pursue your music, then you’re not imagining it. Your soul knows it’s truest purpose, even when nobody else does at first. You’ve received the gift, but you need to guard your gift with pure unconditional faith and stay in motion. Keep your heart and mind open to any sign of helpful guidance; sometimes the best advice comes from very unexpected sources, and not some “bigwig.” Success is waiting for you, no matter how doubtful you’re made to feel. Strengthen the strongest muscle in your being- YOUR FAITH. That faith and hope will ignite you and give you the necessary fuel to fight, even the most disheartening moments, until you rise to the top! Remember, you’re a singer, not a sinner. The right people are just around the corner, if you can endure the obstacles and tests, which are, actually, a blessing in disguise, since they will lead you to major empowerment.

You are meant to learn from your worst experiences and keep that empowerment like a torch in your heart, to spread like fire in your precious music! Don’t ever forget that you’re not alone. The struggle happens to everyone, so see these battles as the greatest lessons of your career. Trust your gut instinct, no matter how dismal or unclear your current situation seems. You always have a choice, and the right choice will lead you to your greatest victory! Even if no one gets you, be patient and place a lot of value on yourself and your work, because it’s gonna be YOU, who will set you free!

I

used to think it was only in movies where a character would have an “out-of-body” experience – until it happened to me on a warm summer night in late 2012. I stood at the corner entrance of a 3500 sq. ft. kitchen, one hand tightly gripped on to my carry-on suitcase, with my baggage claim ticket still attached announcing my arrival from St. Louis to Las Vegas. I saw myself standing there, eyes gazed, jaw half-dropped, but face still with poise, in a room full of beautiful women, half-dressed in lingerie and the rest in hoodies and short shorts. There was little alcohol to be seen, but big red cups in every hand. In every corner, a tall dark man stood still, arms crossed. This was my first day on the job as a pianist for a new record label… A record label owned by an escort company.

Welcome to Las Vegas.

The studio was located off the Las Vegas Strip and all I saw were palm trees and Mercedes. I was quickly recognized as a young talent. Each morning started in the studio and each night ended at the mansion. As the recording sessions became more intense, the label decided it was time to promote, and the CEO became more focused on touring, marketing and performing. The days then started at the mansion, and the nights ended on

the streets. My job, as a session pianist, was coming to an end; Las Vegas was coming to an end.

The CEO made me an offer to join the ladies. He did not want me off the team, but no longer needed me as a pianist. We both understood our relationship was purely business– regardless of the bond that we made. Standing on my own, 20 years young, I counter-offered him with a proposal.

At the time, I knew very little about websites, graphics or video editing, but I had a computer, a smart phone and Internet access. I understood that this was no longer the “age of knowledge”– it was the “age of reason.” While promoting in Miami, I sat in the hotel, streaming every tutorial on web design, Photoshop and Adobe software. As I cleared out the hotel supply of red bull, I went to the CEO, the same morning of my flight home to St. Louis, and presented him a portfolio titled “Jenn Asia – The Marketing Ninja.” The portfolio contained a 90-day marketing plan (compiled from a free template courtesy of Microsoft Word.) My flight home from Las Vegas was canceled.

I knew from the beginning that in this industry, I had to focus on my role and I, also, needed to stay on payroll. I understood that being in a studio, off the Las Vegas strip, was exactly where I needed to be to offset my career; my network was my net worth. You have to, always, stick with your passion and stay focused with integrity. Being a woman in this industry, you’ll find yourself with many “distracting opportunities” that may seem to be attractive at the moment, or in my case, your only resort. I promise, that if you keep your head in the game and stay focused on the big picture, you’ll find yourself being able to create opportunities to save yourself.

If your goal is to be in the entertainment industry, your beauty should always be an asset and not your talent. Your assets are what help contribute to your end result. Keep in mind that not every opportunity is going to pre-exist, sometimes you need to get your hands dirty and create opportunities for yourself.

Make sure that the position you are creating is aligned with your personal brand.

T

he breakdown is the portal to the breakthrough. Keep going, keep elevating, keep vibrating higher, keep rising; flow. Warrior up and push through daily. Trust the birthing/shifting pains. You are shifting and birthing out your new level, mindset and reality. Push...through!

O

ur mother always said that being a woman is a gift from God. Because of her, we believe in ourselves, trust our instincts and dream big. This is why we are able to do what we love.�

R

emember, that no matter how talented you are, there is always someone right behind you willing to do what you wouldn’t do, to get on.

As you navigate your way through the industry, perfecting your craft and figuring out who you are as an artist, be mindful of keeping on top of your business.

We get so caught up being superstars; we forget that this industry is 25% talent and 75% business. Being ignorant to the business side could be a major setback or even your downfall.�

I

truly believe and know that our gifts will make room for us without us having to degrade ourselves. I’ve had men approach me about investing in my career if I agreed to sleep with them and basically let them have their way with me.

I’ll admit that at times, some of the offers were tempting because many of them came during times in my life when I was broke and struggling in my career. Yet, as tempting as some of the offers were, my soul just wouldn’t allow me to accept any of the offers. I decided long ago that I wouldn’t degrade myself or sleep around with anyone for tracks, studio time, deals, or investments; we don’t have to do that. We are all capable of turning our dreams into reality.

After seeing how power gets misused in the music industry, I set out on a path to learn as much as I could learn so that I wouldn’t have to be so dependent on others. I discovered that money and resources come from talents, skills, and ideas applied and used.

That thought motivated me to teach myself how to play instruments. I learned how to write, produce songs, and how to record myself. I learned about the music business and how to market and promote music. I also started putting on my own events.

Overtime, more like-minded loving souls came to assist me along my path without me having to degrade myself.

Know your worth! You are valuable. Never forget that the foundation of everything is key. If you start out degrading yourself, you’ll more than likely continue to attract similar situations.

No matter what anyone says or promises, please remember and know that sleeping with men or doing other sexual favors doesn’t guarantee that you will advance in your career. When going to the studio with men that you don’t know very well, take someone that you trust with you. Set boundaries if you see or feel that a man is crossing lines that you don’t want to be crossed and shut the situation down immediately even if it means that you have to stop working with them. Surround yourself with other like-minded people who value you. Learn as much as you can about your craft and the business. Also, always remember that when one door closes, another one opens. You don’t have to be afraid to walk away from situations that don’t align with your morals or soul.

W

e live in a generation whereby people don’t date, or take the time to properly get to know one another; where microwave relationships are “in,” and “Netflix & chill” is, often, joked about, yet an option for many. Sadly the idea of dating is a thing of the past. Females often accept the bare minimum and don’t question a man’s intentions, yet engage in whatever, situation, fits. The problem is, when the more ‘traditional’ females come along, we are viewed as difficult, wanting too much, as if our expectations are unrealistic. Making memories? Good company? -- Doesn’t sound like such a crazy idea. Guys don’t treat all girls alike.

What works for “Jezebel” may not work for women who carry themselves with respect.

W

hen I was asked to tell my story about men offering their services in exchange for sexual favors, I realized how lucky I am to not have experienced anything more, severe, than being hit on or flirted with in professional settings…not yet anyway. In fact, it made me feel angry, sick and sad that the reality, of this society (specifically the entertainment industry), is that I feel GRATEFUL I have not experienced sexual harassment or worse. Being grateful for something that isn’t supposed to happen in the first place, is like coming home each night and saying “Well, I didn’t kill someone today.” It’s obvious you’re not supposed to kill people, just like women are not supposed to feel grateful they weren’t harassed, hit on or exploited, especially in a professional atmosphere.

My name is Amy Monzon and I am an independent artist. Although I am “green,” I still observe the challenges of being a relatively new female artist, and feel like I am part of one of the most vulnerable demographics to be taken advantage of. I think many people are very trusting at the start of their career. I have been involved in projects where dreams were sold to me as an “overnight success,” and have been approached by men about starting new projects, only to find them distracted by flirting and hitting on me, rather than, actually, doing the work they promised to do. [I’d like to note that the experience of being hit on or flirted with causes a mild anxiety when meeting/working with someone new...cut that shit out guys.] I think some dudes might see how, badly, we want to be successful and they know we may not have the knowledge or resources to make it happen on our own, so, instead of sharing insight on how we might go about it, they convince us to let them do it for us, as though we are incapable of achieving our own success.

The ASSUMPTION, that women are less capable than men, is the definition of sexism. I am a believer that true social change begins with those suffering from oppression. Whether the oppression is racism, sexism or sexual orientation, it begins with the recognition of self-worth, despite what the status quo might tell us. Self-worth begins with loving ourselves wholly because there is no one and nothing that will make us feel more complete than ourselves.

When we are less worried about our insecurities and hoping someone with “power” can fill the void, we can be more aware of someone’s intentions and be able to walk away from a situation that, we know, does not serve us or our purpose. We, also, possess the confidence and faith, in ourselves, that we don’t need to depend on someone else to make our dream come true. I know that I still have a lot to learn about this business, but feel I have experienced a lot and hope that I can pass that knowledge onto other, up-and-coming, female artists.

I

am blessed to have become successful in the music industry, without being taken advantage of, sexually. However, I know many people who have taken a different route than I have. I know many women who have given away pieces of themselves, that they can never get back, in exchange for success, or who have been taken advantage of and have had these things stolen from them.

In most cases, the reason people give things away in life is, often, because they believe they have little to no value, or what they are hoping to get in return, is of greater value to them than what they own: whether it be material, physical, or emotional.

People only give away what, they think, is “expendable.”

The FIRST thing you have to define, within yourself, before pursuing a career in any business, is “YOUR VALUE.” When selling a house, a business, or even a talent or skill, before you present the “product,” you have to put a “value” on it. The value is simply: “The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.”

When you allow other people to place a “value” on you, your talents, your body, or your emotions...You give them “ownership.”

People can’t control what they don’t own. I think the biggest issue is placing your self-worth at a lower price than, that of the success or fame you desire. That decision causes you to do things, in order to purchase success, at the cost of who you are.

There is nothing, in this world that can match the value of who YOU are: your body, your heart, your mind… These things are, and should always remain, non-negotiable!

I made a choice, when I entered this business, to never gamble myself against my career. I never put myself in situations that would cause me to have to choose between success and self- worth. I sell music; music doesn’t sell me.

Understand that, if you give people the chance, they can and will buy you! In my own experience, I made it clear that I was NOT for sale.

I know my value does not come from other people, or accolades (hand-made by other people). My value comes only from, the one who created me- God, and He says I’m invaluable! So the question is... What’s your value?

A

s writers, thinkers and dreamers, we must continue to protect our vision by standing firm and assertive, within a society that forcefully promotes the submission of women, both, personally and professionally. We know this already, though specifically, regarding the entertainment industry. I remember, early on, being haunted by my own vision when it asked me if I was going to fight for it as hard as I fight for everything else in my life. We must protect our vision.

The secrets and lies, paired with attempts of manipulation, in combination with egos, are exhausting and unimpressive. So many scenarios ignored and voices unheard.

My point is that feelings of insecurity and defeat cannot reign in your subconscious when it comes to the level of your work, while you are making your way through your journey. Nor should you ever acquiesce to the, so called power, of any man dangling an “opportunity,� supposedly with your name on it, in exchange for your flesh.

I was exposed to my biggest strengths in the seat of my struggle and continue to understand, deeply, why it is important to constantly speak love, light and truth into each space you get thrust into, in order to set the tone for your rising, regardless of who is involved.

D

eciding to live the life of an artist, whether it is a musician, dancer, painter, actor, etc., is a lifestyle and a lifelong pursuit.

There are no quick shortcuts to success, or a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Most likely, you will have a harder time and more disappointments, than the non-creative types, because you are on the less traveled path. Congratulations, however, for being brave enough to follow your soul’s calling. It takes a brave person to live the life of an artist.

The best advice I can offer, through my experiences in the music industry and through some of the toughest lessons I have learned, is that you need to trust your instinct, gut and intuition, and above all, you need be true to yourself. You can’t compromise yourself or vision. If you don’t have a clear vision yet, that is OK; keep searching. If you are always looking to someone else for answers, you will never find them. All the answers to your questions come from you.

It may take a long time and a lot of effort to realize this and figure it out, but the pursuit is worth it. That is what a true artist does; they dig deep, they question things, and they find out who they are and what they stand for. The only way to learn is through experiencing life- both the good and bad. There is no time limit; again, being an artist is a life long journey. No one can tell you who you are or what you need to be. The person, who knows what is best for you, is YOU. Have faith in yourself and stand strong in your convictions.

Trying to become “successful” and measuring success by outer material rewards, will always lead you on wild goose chase of searching for superficial things like fortune, fame and possessions, to fill voids that only can be filled by self-love and respect. Material success will become a bi-product, if you are living from the heart. Have integrity; kill your ego and always remember why you produce art, which is, hopefully, for your own happiness and self-fulfillment and to share that with others in the world. There is nothing wrong with having huge expectations or “getting ahead,” but never “sell your soul” or step on other people to do this. Have empathy and compassion for others on your same path, rather than looking at them as competitors; it is always more fun that way. Believe that there is enough to go around and that happiness and wealth is not just available to the selected few on the top…in other words- don’t take bullshit from anyone. Remember that slow and steady wins the race…and that, us, artists and creatives, are in this together.

A

s an up and coming hip hop producer I’ve met and worked with many industry professionals, both men and women, and I’ve never had any uncomfortable experiences. Everyone has treated me with respect and has approached me professionally, because I approach them the same way. I don’t even think about these things when I meet someone from the industry, I just know that the other person will appreciate me for who I am and what I do. The key to a positive outcome is a positive mindset.

When you’re going to the studio or to a meeting, just remember what you’re going there for. Many girls rely on their appearance more than on their talent and the other person picks up that vibe and of course responds to it. I’m not justifying the assholes who try to take advantage of that in any way, but even the nastiest perv in the room would know when not to mess around with the wrong person. You don’t have to do or say anything rude but it’s all about the vibe that you create. Just know your value and respect yourself, show off your talent first before your looks and people would appreciate that, I guarantee you.

There are many hard working talented girls who respect themselves and don’t attract the wrong energy, while at the same time there are girls who intentionally look for attention (low key) and when they finally get it, they play the victim.

Even if there is still someone trying to approach you in the wrong way, go to another engineer, get another producer, hire another manager. Just get rid of all people and drama that don’t make sense for your career and your success.

Surround yourself with honest, hard working people who are on the same page as you.

But still if men’s attention and Instagram likes are more important to you than your career goals... I can’t help much here, do as you like, just don’t blame it on others. If being a ‘bad bitch’ is all you have to offer, don’t expect people to respect you and take you seriously.

H

ard work and dedication mixed with a little bit of crazy – some call it passion – is what it takes in this business. Sometimes ya gotta just make it happen. There are no excuses.

Do not let anyone take your kindness for weakness.”

B

e true. Be YOU. Embrace your individual beauty, originality, and intricacy with no limits and no fear. Put love in all you do.�

A

s a Latina female indie recording artist, who has been trying to break into the music business for several years, I have many experiences behind me. To be honest, most of the experiences were difficult to go through, but they taught me a lot.

The most important lesson I learned was to persevere in the face of adversity. It can be very difficult as a female artist to be heard or taken seriously, at times. I’ve had many encounters with male producers that either wasted my time or had other plans for me that did not include music or business.

In the beginning, I wasn’t being taken seriously as an artist. I wanted to record, write and perform; yet some of the people I worked with, over the years, had me nearly jump through hoops to do the smallest things. Now, if I collaborate with anyone, they know where I stand within the first five minutes of our meeting.

My advice to aspiring artists is to not be afraid to leave a situation that doesn’t feel right in your heart. If there is even an ounce of trepidation, then it probably isn’t the right project for you.

There were times when I stayed in a project longer than I should have, because I thought I might not find another opportunity, or I became too

comfortable. It took, basically, having no opportunities at one point, to realize I had to create my own.

I read an amazing quote that said, “If the plan isn’t working, change the plan not the goal.” That statement couldn’t be truer for me.

I decided to take matters into my own hands. I found music that spoke to me, and I wrote, recorded and recently put out an EP. This, one, small project has blossomed into great opportunities.

Now, instead, of knocking on people’s doors, they are finally starting to knock on mine.

It is, also, essential to continue to work on yourself and create your brand. There are so many tools available today that were not around even a few years ago. Research other artists, go to shows, and learn to how to really use social media to market yourself. I have been knocked down so many times in this business, yet I am still here. As an artist and person, I have never been in a better place. Be confident and know your worth. Don’t say if; say when.

I

salute all whom, everyday, have to dig deep and reflect on a bad experience in our past. Most of us ran from these memories, and the hardest thing we ever have to do is look back at the experience and learn to forgive, to smile and trust that we learned from our mistakes, and find strength to take a stand against abuse and sexual oppression. Today we stand on this platform and together we fight for the freedom and continued evolution to soar above the clouds of pain until we rise victoriously as a species. Lets spend each day as if it were our last; with the understanding that our last of anything, is the perfect opportunity for a new first.

T

he most important thing in life is to never give up and to overcome all obstacles, no matter how hard they seem. Self-love and discipline are everything in life. Love yourself with all of your open consciousness, care for those who inspire you, learn and discover the person you choose to be in this world and never forget it. Perhaps you will never be known in the mainstream market, but you will still be a success for yourself and that’s what really matters at the end of the road.�

I

’ve been writing since childhood. Growing up, I didn’t get a chance to go on vacations, so to kill time, I would write and use my imagination and creativity. I write mostly for women. I feel like I’m a part of the “Sex and the City” generation where women are in power. Women finally say out loud what they actually think, and they are embracing their beauty, femininity, and sexuality. I believe it is important to pursue your own happiness, and through that pursuit and progress, make others happy.”

B

eing a woman in the Entertainment Industry can be challenging.

It seems as though this paradigm has existed since the beginning: men using their position of power to offer opportunities to woman in return for sexual favors. This doesn’t only happen in our industry but it happens every day in all walks of life, but somehow the entertainment industry has tolerated and almost accepted this paradigm as a norm.

I understood this from a very young age. Going into the Industry at 19 years old I was already aware of these types of men. From watching stories about it in movies and on TV, to hearing the way my favorite hip hop or rock artists would talk about women on their records... it wasn’t much of a secret. But you can’t just blame the men for this. There are always two sides to any story. Yes, it’s a man’s world and they have always had their way, but we as woman have also allowed this behavior. I know too many women who go into this industry thinking, knowing, that they can sleep their way to the top. And yes, it’s true. You can definitely sleep your way to the top, but in doing so comes a price. You’re putting yourself in situations where being taken advantage of, or even worse raped, can become this wishy-washy line of acceptance where ultimately no one is being held accountable.

We have to take responsibility for our actions as well. We have the power to turn away or make the choice not to use sex for opportunity. We can see the signs; we can feel the energy when it’s going in that direction. That’s our moment… our moment to empower ourselves and walk away. Yes, it may make it harder to achieve success quickly. Yes, you may run into many more obstacles by choosing to stay away from those types of men and situations where opportunities are being flaunted in your face for a quick and easy “favor”. But what do you gain in return for choosing what may be the tougher road to success? Your soul. And when you’re older, looking back on the path you chose, will make you feel proud knowing that you got there completely on your own and on your own terms.

I am living proof that it can be done. I’m not at the top of the game yet and it’s been a slow and steady road, which has even been tough at times, but I’m proud of the road I chose. I’m proud that I’ve been fortunate enough to follow my instincts, and see the red flags to stay away from situations that could have given me the misfortune of being sexually taken advantage of in the industry. So I write this hoping that it will encourage you to choose this road: the road of empowerment and morality. We are just as talented and intelligent as any man in the industry, and we don’t have to use sex to achieve success. So let’s shift this diseased paradigm and prove our worth!

T

he inherent superiority complex among men usually won’t allow their female counterparts to rise as high as them. It’s almost subliminally built into them. We see it, but they don’t.

They often feel unfairly accused of this and become even more arrogant and dominant in their behavior at times. Being a woman, I can relate to it almost feeling easier to give up than to keep fighting a losing battle. But even in the darkest times, the sun will come out again, and that is what we women must remember. Keep pushing forward and fight for the chance to stand on the same platform as your male counterparts.

Wanting to be treated equally doesn’t qualify as being a feminist.

It’s simply being a realist and understanding that no two lives, regardless of gender, are less deserving than the other, and every individual has the same right to be heard and seen. More importantly, as creative women, we have a higher calling to lead the way for equality because we truly are as talented as our male counter parts regardless of the recognition we may or may not receive. Our right to be recognized for our art and our creative intellect does not warrant male accreditation or acknowledgement. Together as women, we can rise above these challenges gracefully because we are creators of life, art, and all things beautiful.”

CLOSING THOUGHTS Y

ears ago, in a furniture-less apartment, I made a commitment to become my own creative circle.

I took the only $25 I had to my name and bought a mic stand. My goal was to view this mic stand everyday with hope that it would encourage me, one piece of equipment at a time, to build my own studio. That day was the beginning of my independence. That mic-less mic-stand, within a years time, grew into a $100,000 studio. I worked hard, and I always remembered the six-year old version of myself that fell in love with the art of music.

I will never forget the band that rehearsed in their garage on Saturdays, across the street from my house.

I remember asking them what I had to do to join their band, and the band leader told me I just had to buy a guitar. I spent weeks begging my mother for my first instrument and, after she finally gave in, the next rehearsal could not arrive quickly enough. Finally, the day arrived and I walked over to rehearsal. With stars in my eyes and a dream in my heart, I told the band leader I was ready to join the band. In my mind, I expected the band to be ecstatic, but instead, a few of the boys, simply, laughed at me. At that age, I could not comprehend that they, probably, just thought what I was doing was “cute” or “adorable”. Needless to say, that moment of rejection fueled my fire for decades to come. My neighbor and me decided to create our own band. I already had my guitar, but my neighbor and a few other kids did not have theirs, so we built our own guitars out of scrap pieces of wood, white paint, rubber band screens, small nails for the fret board and large metal pipes for our mic stands. We used a few tires to symbolize the drum set, and we made a pair of rock star capes out of my mothers favorite curtains. (She wanted to kill me for that!)

I hope and pray these stories and my words inspire you all to become great. As my last piece of advice, I encourage you all to learn every aspect of the business. Learn to write, learn to record, learn to mix, learn to produce and learn to be as independent as possible. Doing these things will make you more valuable.

For everything women have done for me, I am forever thankful. It is not easy for any of us and, everyday, I watch you (women) make miracles happen with the cards you all are dealt. With anything I do, my number one goal is to leave people better than I found them. If a person, man or woman, makes you believe anything is worth the loss of your integrity, dim the lights on that relationship as fast as you can.

Creative minds like ours do not just dream in the dark, we also dream in the light.

<<< Devine Evans - Author

Devine Evans has been a dominant figure in the music industry for over 20 years. Starting in Atlanta under the watchful eye of Left Eye Productions, Evans is now a 5x Grammy Award winning songwriter, producer, and music programmer, who has worked with many of the world’s biggest recording artists and musicians including Janet Jackson, Queen Latifah, Rihanna, Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Pharrell Williams, Nick Minaj, Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nico & Vinz, Hans Zimmer, and Selena Gomez.

Evans received his most recent Grammy for his work on Pharrell Williams’ live version of the Billboard hit song “Happy”.

Over the past 10 years, Evans has worked on some of the biggest tours in music. Recently, he created the intro for Janet Jackson’s Unbreakable World Tour, and he has also created concepts and sound design for Rihanna’s Diamonds World Tour, Justin Timberlake’s 20/20 Experience Tour, and Pharrell Williams’ Dear Girl Tour.

Evans’ work in televised performances includes programming and sound design for Beyoncé’s 2013 Super Bowl Halftime performance. He is set to break into the film industry with his work on the upcoming film Talbot County, starring Dania Ramirez (Entourage, Devious Maids, X-Men), for which he scored and provided original sound design.

Outside of music, Evans focuses on positively impacting the music industry as well as his community by way of creative projects like his first upcoming book Sheet Music: The Diary of a Songwriter, which aims to shed light on the sexual injustices female artists can encounter while chasing their dream of a career in the music industry. In an effort to empower these women, Sheet Music shares the stories of a variety of female artists’ personal experiences as well as general advice on how to cope with and safeguard themselves against such abuse and injustice.

Day’nah - Assistant Editor & Creative Supervisor >>> Meet Day’nah, an innovative singer/songwriter from the Washington DC/ Virginia area. Her heavily hip-hop influenced sound is an eclectic blend of sophisticated rhythm and blues melodies with percussions influenced by the sounds of DC gogo music, and her Guyanese carribean heritage. Day’nah is a proud graduate of Hampton University and has performed and toured internationally as both a dancer and vocalist with many artists including: Fergie, Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Nicki Minaj, Diddy Dirty Money, Leah Labelle, Pharrell Williams, and more. She has written songs for artists including: Lil Mo, J. Holiday, Silk, and Troupe to name a few. Day’nah’s candid lyrics, energetic performance, and sex appeal are sure to keep you both intrigued and entertained as she shares her life with you on a refreshing musical journey.

<<< LIZA CANO - Executive Assistant Liza Cano is a graduate of Saint John’s University where she studied Communications & Science. She moved to Los Angeles in 2014 where she has worked in PR. She has interned with Rebel Marketing, publicist Courtney Barnes, and was an editorial intern for Music Connection Magazine. She has also worked with The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Liza now works with Devine Evans where she helps to oversee projects like Sheet Music.

<<< DIANA D. - Adminstrative Assistant Diana D, born on Feb 9, 1990, is better known as Lil’ Lyss. She is a West Coast hip-hop producer based in the Bay Area, California.

Inspired by legendary producers like Dr. Dre, Scott Storch, J.R. Rotem, Swizz Beatz and many more, she started making music herself at the age of 18.

Since then, she’s been producing for upcoming artists and has had several notable mixtape features hosted by popular DJs. She also appeared in the BET Awards Issue of Makin’ It Magazine. Even major industry pros like Jas Prince and Delaney Douglas have noticed her original style. You will hear about Lil’ Lyss very soon!

JOHN OVERTON - Administrative Assistant/Editor >>> John Overton is a writer and entertainment industry professional living in Los Angeles, California. His company, Popular Rapture, specializes in events and marketing. He also has experience in artist management. The music industry has always been a focal point of John’s career, and he hopes to continue making an impact through his creative efforts.

<<< Adrienne Mari’ya - Senior Editor Adrienne Mari’ya has shared the stage and screen with some of Pop music’s biggest names, working with such artists as The Rolling Stones, Rihanna and Madonna. This all-around entertainer and songwriter has collaborated with award-winning and multi-platinum producers and writers, choreographed and served as creative director for numerous artists, events and shows, and toured and performed with several established and up-and-coming musical acts.

With a B.A. in Journalism from California State Northridge, Adrienne Mari’ya established her company Entertainment Vision Group, specializing in public relations, radio airplay promotions, Billboard charting and studio and publishing consulting. With over 20 years of professional entertainment industry experience, established contacts, and more than 10 years of experience in public relations, market research and client relations, working with major national and international corporations such as (RED), Converse and Universal, Adrienne has provided public relations consultancy and services for major label artists and clients involved with NARAS (The GRAMMYs), Disney, American Idol, BET and more.

This California native has been surrounded by the arts since birth, with her family touring as “The Honey B’s” and, later, her mother and aunt notably working with such artists as Babyface, Bobby Brown, Jose Feliciano and Michael Bolton. Adrienne, who is a mother of two, shares her passion, industry knowledge, life and performance experience, and talent by mentoring and coaching youth and motivational speaking.

<<< MECHELLE TUCKER - Social Media & Brand Management Mechelle Tucker is a creative authority in networking redefining the Win Win Win in Business because of who she knows, and she has become a sought after business leader in the marketplace. A leading business consultant, branding specialist, project manager, talent developer, blogger & marketing strategist, she has provided client counsel to business owners, celebrities, entrepreneurs, philanthropists, professional athletes, performing artists and authors since 2006. After commandeering hundreds of successful independent, corporate and celebrity events, Mechelle was nominated for “The Stars of Tomorrow People Plus Award”, mentioned in the top selling book “Genius Potential”, and has been featured on numerous radio shows and in news publications where she has shared her insight on philanthropy, business, technology and current events. As a wife, mother, entrepreneur, consultant, branding expert, trendsetter, educator, philanthropist and non-stop career professional, Mechelle is indeed one of the hardest working women in the entertainment business.

JEWELS JASSELLE - Product Developement Supervisor >>> Jewels Jaselle A native of the San Francisco bay area now living in Los Angeles started her professional musical career at a very early age. Upon Signing a major recording contract, Jewels debut resulted in one of her singles being featured on the 90210 Soundtrack . She then began touring nationally and internationally. You might have heard her voice on the song “Life is for Living”, featured on Desperate Housewives which became the theme song for the TV show “Boystown” and the #1 downloaded song on payplay.FM. Her vocal duet of “Vuela Hacia Mi”, “Come and Fly with me” along with Sony latin artist Pedro Capo is an “inspired by” international release from the movie “Adventures in Zambezia” starring Abigail Breslin, Samuel Jackson and Jim Cummings. Jewels voice has also been on projects for Lucas Arts and Lucas Films. Last season she recorded another duet with Howard Hewett for the remake of “Baby its Cold Outside” on his internationally released Christmas album.

Jewels also sang on the soundtrack for the film version of the musical theatre production RENT directed by Chris Columbus under the musical direction of Tim Weil and Rob Cavallo through Columbia Pictures.

<<< MOSSY - Product Developement Supervisor Mossy is a multi-talented singer, songwriter from St. Louis, MO, who currently lives in Los Angeles, CA, where she is pursuing her career in music. Her musical journey is one of purpose and passion. When people see Mossy or listen to her music, she wants them to walk away with a sense of hope and empowerment that encourages them to step out of their comfort zone and pursue whatever it is in their heart. She strives to be a living testament that all things truly are possible to accomplish! Mossy’s brand represents one of love, strength, hope, and the breaking through of barriers! Mossy’s goal is to leave behind a legacy that will continue to inspire and change lives. Be on the look out for amazing music and entrepreneurial ventures from this rising star.

<<<Alexander Elite Martinez - Entertainment Executive / Business Connector Alexanderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s principal function in life is to receive and to give verbal as well as written information. He is a collaborative spirit and enjoys to unite people, to sponsor businesses, to create solutions, and teach. Many see him as a quiet, agreeable, sweet and attractive person. He overcomes difficulties or tense and uncomfortable situations, and seeks to surround himself with people and situations that offer stability and harmony. Alexander is very persevering in his objectives and has a realistic vision of the material world. He is very industrious, constant and loyal; his artistic ability, good taste and aesthetic sense will be exhibited in his work. The profession he chose has encouraged his desire to find harmony, economic stability, and possibilities for artistic or creative expressions.

Professional Skills include Public Speaking, Team Building, Event Planning / Event Management, Branding / Brand Management, Creative Writing, Marketing, Social Networking, Business Networking and Management Consulting.

Elvira Waterval>>> Elvira Waterval is a multi-media, film director and editor who is born in Amsterdam in the western Netherlands Province of North Holland. Elvira prides herself in her ability to capture real life in real time. No moment worth remembering escapes the Lens of her Camera. Elvira has been an extremely supportive and irreplaceable volunteer, capturing all of the behind the scene moments of The Diary of a Songwriter project and movement.

Thank You God, in a world where so many of your sons and daughters wake up lost everyday, I am eternally grateful that you have always made my path clear. I have never questioned your power, nor my purpose in your world. For me to properly say thank you to all the people that have played a role in this book and in my life, I would probably need to as many pages as are in this entire book. There are so many people that have been believers and true supporters. I would like to start with the number one supporter of them all, Day’nah. Little did you know, one year ago, when you agreed that this book would be a good idea, it would be the only idea either of us would have time for.

As if the book wasn’t enough work, you followed me into the darkness and willingly agreed to do a full album with me. This was a lot of work and it took a lot of faith for you to go this hard with me. I can’t wait to marry you!

To my daughters, Jordan and Skyler, I want you to know that my honor, love and support for the empowerment of women starts with you. I am expanding on Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream and fighting for not only equality amongst different races, but for equality for our women.

To my mother Kathy Evans thank you for the light you always shine, the inspiration you always provide and the support you give to all of your sons. We love you, and no sacrifice you ever made for us will ever be forgotten. To my father Ronnie Evans, thank you for instilling strength in me. I get up everyday believing the man in my mirror must be stronger than my father, and you were strong as hell. Living up to your strength has been tough, and though sometimes my light dims in your shadow, I am proud to be your reflection. I am proud of you and all you have over come, and even if I only amount to 50% of the man you are, that still puts me on the level of a king.

Over the past year I have grown so attached to all of the women that have contributed to this project. I cannot begin to tell you how good it feels to see the solidarity and togetherness of all of these beautiful women. I am

humbled to stand by your side. Together our voices will inspire a nation. I have to give a very special thank you to my administrative team: Liza Cano, John Overton, Mechelle Tucker, Jarvis Taylor, Diana D, Adrienne Mari’ya, and Lauren Munroe. Thank you all for working so hard and giving up so much of your lives for this cause. I love you and long for the day we can sit back and celebrate our success on an island, drinking something with a plastic umbrella hanging to the side.

To my creative team Dante Davis, Roy “Caz” Beasley, Unique, Remy and the almighty Kenneth Brayden Matthews. I can’t imagine a stronger group of creative minds.

The life you have given to my vision will never dim and, together, I am sure we will change the lives of young women and men forever. To all of my make up artists, starting with Nicole Faulkner a.k.a. Lipstick Nick (Chief Make Up Artist), Leah Peters (Lead Hair Stylist) Taisha Lynell, Laquisha Seams, Carleigh Garret, Rosiekia Artis, Madyson Herdman, Bridget O’donnell, Cydney Montalbo, Tara Edwards, Rachel Edwards, Allison Embury, Mary Mcgivney and Hannah Bennett all of you are rock stars in your field, and I sincerely thank you for everything. To my sisters Jewells Jaselle and Mossy, I can never lose as long as I have both of you. I love you and truly look forward to a lifetime of love, success, fun and friendship. I see our bigger picture and I am honored to be your friend.

Dana “Queen Latifah” Owens, over the past 2 years with you, I have learned and I have grown more than I could have in 10 years with out your guidance. Musically you have lifted me to a level that is beyond my wildest dreams, and my dreams can be pretty damn wild. You have inspired me on a business level and taught me to think so far into the future that success is the only possibility. The love you have shown my family will never be forgotten. You have inspired me for decades before we ever met, and for you to trust and allow me to work so

close to you has been a priceless experience. I love you beyond measure and I hope this book makes you proud.

With out your guidance I don’t know if I would have been able to endure this journey. Thank you, fam!!!

Dania Ramirez, we have not known each other for long but, in the short time that we have been working together, I can honestly say you are an inspiration to watch. Working on your movie with you and witnessing your 24-hour push to meet deadlines and your laser focus had me ready to conquer the world. I love you not only for who you already are, but the legend you are destined to become.

When it comes to the art of creating music, all of my success comes from the army that stands behind me. How can I not be great with all of you on my team? Day’nah, Seth Hope, Gabe Roland, Wes Styles, Luke Austin, Mauli Bonner, Y2, Gavin Brown, Alvin Speights, Bernardo Passarinho, Hakan Mavruk, Alex Teamer, Marcus D Tray, Adam Blackstone, Authentik Beats, Kevin Randolph, Javadd Day, Dominique Taplan, Ray Angry and Phillip Martin Jr. Thank you all for being better than me and keeping me on my “A” game.

Finally, to all of my readers, I truly hope this body of work inspires you to love and respect one another. Thank for your support. To all the critics out there, if any of you frown upon this collection of work and feel we did not do a good job, I encourage you to do better. Please show me the “right” way to do it and I’ll be the first one to show my support. Gods army always can use a few more soldiers, we are fully enlisted and await your challenge. I love you all!!!

DE

Strength.

To be a woman, one must find strength; the strength to balance between separate worlds.

We must walk the line between the labels of harlot, prude, heroine and damsel, never stepping a foot too far, one way or the other, for fear of dirty looks, gossiping foes and the judgment that surrounds our every move and every choice.

One must be bold, fearless of judgment, cast off labels and break out of the boxes that this, limited, world has chosen to confine our, limitless, potential and depth. We must work to honor that subtle voice within our own hearts, allowing no one, man nor woman, to alter our conscience path. We do this, not only for ourselves, but also for our neighbors, our families and our daughters. We do this to show those around us, as well as future generations, that true strength lies in self respect; having the self respect to do what you think is right and to not limit yourself, as this linear world has done for centuries.â&#x20AC;?

Aisha Sho

Coming into the music business, I think it is important to understand the business and the bullshit that comes along with it.

I’ve learned, early in the game, to respect yourself, first and foremost; never compromise yourself, learn how to take rejection, learn patience and understand that your path, is yours and what you see others doing, may not be what’s intended for you.

Surround yourself with a good team and good people. Don’t expect any handouts; work hard for what you want. Make sure you are as creative as possible. If people don’t get it, it’s a good thing; that means it’s different and not everyone is doing it.

There is no handbook for how this game will treat you, but all I can say is to keep God first.”

Rasheeda If I am to be remembered for something, let it not be who I signed, what I’ve done, or where I’ve traveled, but for the lives that I have impacted and the difference I’ve made along the way.”

Catherine Brewton, BMI Vice President Writer/Publisher Relations Never accept the phrase “For a girl.” Your gender does not define who you are and who you will become. Your talent, work ethic is your passport to greatness!”

Armando Colon