Mental health is top of mind

Just Breathe…

The Breathe Café at Lu-Ma in Wimbledon is the first of its kind nationwide. Darling caught up with CEO of Shawmind, mental health charity, Peter Wingrove to find out more

Shawmind launched the Breathe Café programme to give people suffering with anxiety, stress and other mental health challenges the space to ‘just breathe’. These Cafes are not therapy sessions or clinics but offer the general public an opportunity to learn more about mental health topics. The first Breathe Café was launched in July at Lu-Ma, 43 Worple Road, Wimbledon and features not only a library of free-to-read mental health and wellbeing books and memoirs, but also access to 1-to-1 conversations with Shawmind volunteers. Breathe Cafes encourage people to get out of their current environment, to go out and connect with others, especially important after the isolation enforced on us all by COVID-19.

Long-term health conditions can be managed but often not cured. Understandably, an individual’s primary concern is relief from symptoms, but this is not always possible. Those who suffer with long-term conditions can experience continuous and frequent pain, fatigue and weakness. In turn, this can impact on mood, anxiety levels, self-esteem, relationships, occupations, activity levels and lifestyles.

Research consistently demonstrates that people with long-term conditions are two to three times more likely to experience mental health problems than the general population, particularly anxiety and depression.

In most instances, individuals managing longterm conditions are advised to monitor their diet and lifestyle choices - having a balanced diet, good activity levels and a healthy sleep pattern can reduce the impact of longterm conditions on our mental health. Whilst living with a long-term condition can make it difficult to continue with these activities, withdrawal and isolation have a negative impact on one’s mindset which can severely diminish quality of life.

There are treatments available, like cognitivebased therapy – CBT, which teaches one skills to enhance the quality of your life despite living with a long-term condition. A key area is developing the skills to manage one’s emotions associated with your condition, and stress management.

But sometimes all the diets, exercise and therapies are not enough… when you are struggling with something that may be the biggest battle of your life, you may just need a space to take your mind off what you are going through for a while, to “recharge” yourself to face another day. n

thebreathecafe.org

Becoming a parent, the unseen grief and guilt

Therapist Emma Parr explores these

Grief comes in many forms but often is only discussed when it is in relation to someone dying. I see many forms of grief and within the realms of parenthood they are many and varied. In society and particularly on social media, parenthood is portrayed as an experience of unbridled joy. But what if it isn’t for you? Being a parent can be very hard, the unseen pressure of responsibility and the sense of isolation is an area that I see frequently. Feelings of grief and anger can surface, why isn’t parenthood as we imagined?

We may also feel guilty as we experience feelings that are uncomfortable. How can we be a ‘good parent’ if we feel resentment, frustration, anger towards our baby? Are we allowed to regret our decision? Can we say it is hard, that we might even hate it or our baby at times? The guilt that comes from these thoughts can be crushing and the grief rises, what have we done?

As parents we grapple with this turmoil, more often than not the thoughts and feelings go unsaid; the realisation of what has been lost comes to the fore. The life that was has gone. We start to grieve the loss of freedom and coupled with the responsibility of making decisions for another who is relying solely on us, can be overwhelming.

Awareness of our feelings is the fi rst step, rather than denial. To allow ourselves to recognise the grief as well as the guilt. To acknowledge the loss and pain, as well as the potential for what we might gain. I offer support and guidance to help navigate the way to acceptance. n Emma Parr is an experienced therapist who works with individuals covering a range of issues, but specialises in mothers and babies. MA. MBACP, PG Dip Couns. DBS Certifi cate

emma@emmaparr.net emmaparr.net

Read more at darlingmagazine.co.uk darlingmagazine.co.uk

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It’s no secret that fl owers have the power to change how we feel. Surrounding ourselves with fl owers can lift our mood, brighten our homes and heighten our senses and awareness. Flowers speak to us in their own language and help us connect with each other, nature, and ourselves. These are all good things.

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How happy is your family?

Our families bring us joy, better health and wellbeing but they can also be the source of distress. The pandemic has not eased the situation.

Navigating family life is a process of being able to create healthy connection that can tolerate life challenges without destroying the intimate connection that families bring. Those of love, respect and support.

The positive and negative aspects of family relationships have a large impact on our well-being. These include our ability to cope with stress, engage in healthy behaviours, and increase our self-esteem. However the converse can also be true. The relationship issues that can derail a family’s ability to have positive relationships are many: communication, life stages, unrealistic expectations, rigid views on how families should be - the stresses are countless.

What is important to know is that we are literally wired to connect to our family. This bonding process develops through both our love relationships with our partner and children with what is termed ‘the parental care giver attachment’. We are able to see via brain scans that when we are with our loved ones our anxiety levels reduce and we start producing feel-good hormones. So when these very close relationships are in a state of fl ux we will be physically and mentally impacted.

Keeping perspective as a couple is important. Family life often does not go to plan. Family life can have ups and downs. Couples who commit to working as a team are able to use the process of overcoming obstacles as a means of bringing a family together. n If you are struggling and perhaps have lost your mojo then please contact Pam Custers for an informal discussion. If you’d like to work on your relationship, please visit

therelationshippractice.com

07572 841 388 Pam holds an MA in Relationship therapy Psychology (Hons) (BACP Accred)

Iocal husband & wife team Nick & Jacqui

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