Change negative thought patterns with Emma Parr

Drop the ‘shoulds’ and change your negative thinking, says therapist Emma Parr

Another new year and with that the pressures of New Year’s resolutions, the idea perhaps of a ‘new you’; to be fitter, thinner, stronger – better.

Social media carries this message as do those around us. The media talks about better mental health, but what if some of the ways we speak to ourselves and each other continue negative patterns we aren’t aware of.

A pattern I see among mothers with children of the same age is a pressure they put on themselves and each other without realising it. Is the baby sleeping through the night? Are we back to our pre-pregnancy weight? We can feel despondent, less than and start to take on other’s expectations or views that are actually about themselves. A common term in our language is ‘should’ and when we receive comments like: “you should breast feed”, “you should try exercising”, it can feel like an order and it leaves no room for choice.

Substitutions help us think in a different way. If I recognise the word ‘should’ makes me feel without choice, what would it be like to say ‘could’?

As soon as we use the word ‘could’, there is immediately a pause which allows us to make an active choice: “I could breast feed or use the bottle”. Using the word ‘could’ also connects us to our internal compassion, “I could exercise but today I am exhausted”, giving us permission to choose what is right for us. Emma Parr is an experienced therapist who works with individuals covering a range of issues, but specialises in mothers and babies. MA. MBACP, PG Dip Couns. DBS Certificate

emma@emmaparr.net emmaparr.net

FOR MORE GO TO darlingmagazine.co.uk

by Tim Firth