All Abroad Oct 12 by Dave Bull

Oct 2012 issue number 15

EE FR

www.allabroad.es

CAR HIRE IN SPAIN Are you getting what you THINK you´re paying for?

10 THINGS you can LEAVE BEHIND when you move to SPAIN!

INSURANCE:

Are you covering yourself ...or not? and... Premier League roundup, Fiscal advice, Horoscopes, DOUBLE PAGE PUZZLES, Terrible JOKES

Plus!

All the markets & Fiestas in the region!

cant la A n a r G m o r f t s a o c h to: the t n o m y r e v e s ie p o c 0 beyond! d n a n o d Distributing 6,50 n o H , o s o in P iguel to M n a S m o r f d n la in & to La Zenia Photo: ©Mitch Bull

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Now that was interesting... l

Dave Bul

Now…waking up early at the weekend and heading off

dogs´ are now officially banned from our house as the

for a cup of coffee while the roads and pavements are

BS meter keeps going off the scale.

quiet and the croissants still fresh is a great plan…so long as the café bar owner has a similar idea…so you

Just go away…

can guess what happened to me one day last month.

Changing the subject (totally) I had the pleasure of a

We live in a country so laid back that I often have

weekend in Madrid early in September after being set

to shake the trees in the morning to wake the birds

a challenge by CoastRider newspaper to get as far as

up – so we have to develop a little patience of we are

I could, for as long as I could on just 125€ (I think it

truly to enjoy this land sunshine, siestas and flattened

was a challenge – although they didn´t get me a return

rabbits. So this month we´ve put together a guide for

ticket…). Anyway, I ended up spending two nights in

anyone wanting to truly enjoy life out here, 10 ´must

Spain´s capital (the first in a hostal with a lot of ham-

haves´ you´ll need to live in Spain.

eating Chinese students (no idea) and on the second,

I´ve been ´Tweeting´ this month and although it´s not

I bumped into an old mate who was busking and who

for everyone I guess it is a great way to keep up with

took me off to the Athletico Madrid football stadium to

news and breaking events or stories. Or just for seeing

meet a few more buskers who had retired from mu-

what the smart people of this world have to say, and

sic for the night…but not from

footballers… Stephen Fry is always interesting, along

drinking. My last mem-

with Ricky Gervais and many others and you can even

ory of Madrid

converse with Lord Sir Alan (Sugar) if you wish – I did,

is a dark

but we had a row – I’ll get over it. If you are on Twitter

bus station

or want to start following me (or the magazine) – just

at 7.30 the

next morn-

us @davejbull or @allabroadmag and we´ll be happy to

ing…and a

keep you informed.

baby crying

On to more serious matters this month…bloody kids!

all the way

Well one in particular really – mine. You see I’ve tried

through the

drumming it into him that a used cereal bowl doesn´t

five hour

necessarily need to ´soak´ and especially not for five

bus jour-

days! Also the phrases, ´I forgot´, I didn´t see it´,

ney home…

´it´s not my fault´, and ´of course I’ve walked the

bless.

WE DON’T CLAIM ANYTHING MORE THAN TO BE ’ORIGINAL’

QUALIFIED GESTORA

Est. 1991

DEADLINE FOR

Fiscal help...

OUTSTANDING TAXES

IS RUNNING OUT

Spanish probate / Inheritances Spanish Wills Conveyancing Notarial deeds Fiscal representation Property taxes Power of attorney Private sales contracts Change-over of utility bills Planning permissions

hose readers that have

this, the tax authorities will no longer

been paying their non-

demand a fine, interest on arrears or

residents’ taxes please bear with me.

There are others

that don’t and don’t under-

surcharges. And the deadline granted by the tax authorities will be running out on 30th November 2012.

stand why they should pay

It is important to note that the above

it.

no longer applies if the declaraction and payment is made after the tax authorities have notified about having

The facts: Any non-resident property owner in Spain is obliged by law to pay annually a non-residents’ income tax (and wealth tax) to the Spanish Hacienda (Inland Revenue). This tax is based on the rated value of the property and is, in most cases, a reasonable enough tax. However, it has nothing to do with any real income generated in Spain. Claiming to have no income in Spain and forgetting about this tax is not the answer. For the payment of this tax you need to find yourself a fiscal representative who will prepare the tax

initiated investigative procedures. In order to clarify, this tax is not to be confused with two annual payments that you make to the local authorities. One is called Basura / Alcantarillado (this is the rubbish collection and waste water charges), the other is called the I.B.I. (Impuesto sobre bienes inmuebles) and is the rates payment.

For more information please check our webpage www.andreaburns.es or make an appointment for a free consultation on that matter.

forms and present them to the tax authorities. Now this tax is being chased up by the tax man. But a chance is given first to put outstanding payments up-to-date with a surcharge of a mere ten percent on the amount due. By fulfilling

Please

visit

www.andreaburns.es

for more detailed information about our services or call 96 6697824.

Avenida América, 32, GRAN ALACANT 96 669 7824 OFFICE@ANDREABURNS.ES

- BUT IT’S FLATTERING TO BE COPIED - ALL ABROAD!

Our own contributors - experienced for expat info

KEEPING Keeping it IT bri

MAKE SU

We all want an easy (ish) life here in Spain but not

Small print in mortga

always that easy is it?

Especially when it comes to the man with thehave rubber Many banks stamp. And let’s face it, included in their mortgage the tremendous amount contracts, executed to of currently runapaperwork variable rate, which is ning through known todaythe as Spanish CLÁUSULA bureaucracy system Limit not SUELO, i.e. Clause only brings (several) of Minimum InterestSouth Rate, American countries’ rain and CLÁUSULA TECHO, forests down, but assuror that is, Clause Limit of edly their unemployment Maximum Interest Rate. numbers too. of Butthese that’sclausthe The purpose

es is a limit the to rise and fall system we have work of interest rates. with but with some expert Ithelp must said that the yoube can make sure Cláusula Suelo itself is not that you’re not one of the against the law; since ones rushing to the bankit isonspecifically regulated the 20th of June to payina an arrangetaxadministrative bill at the last minute, or ment mandatory as the worseisstill a fine. Decree May 5, With theofannual tax1994 dec-. laration (Renta) deadline

However, given the

The offices taxman (Alicante Region) cometh… CIUDAD QUESADA Avenida de las Naciones 36, L.6, Ciudad Quesada, DaveRojales Bull Tel. 965 480 737 – 606 056 282 Email: info@pellicerheredia.com discovers the ALICANTE Plaza Calvo Sotelo,1, 03001 Alieasy way to live cante Below British Consulate Tel. 965 480 737 – 606 056 282 a trouble-free (as Email: info@pellicerheredia.com HONDÓN DE LAS NIEVES far as the Plaza de la Vila, 30, 03688 Hondón de las Nieves (Alicante) Tel. 965 480 737 – 606 056 Tax man is282 Email: info@pellicerheredia.com concerned) life in PETRER Avda de Madrid, 60, 03610 Petrer (Alicante) Spain. Tel. 965 480 737 – 606 056 282 PELLICER & HEREDIA

Email: info@pellicerheredia.com

coming soon, on 30th June,

complexity for consumers anyone with an income

and users, understanding should be getting their

the financial implications declaration in order (if

of mortgage contracts

you really want that ‘easy’

are to be concluded, the life) so we asked Alicante

mentioned Order also

lawyers, Ignacio and Pedro

sought to ensure adequate to once again step in and

protection of information

explain just what the ‘Renta’

and who agree mortgages, is and who should be get-

paying particular atten-

ting the pens out to fill in a

tion to the phase choice of form or two.

credit institution, requiring Who?

it compulsory delivery of a Everyone who has an

prospectus initial specifyincome while living here in

ing clearly so standardized Spain needs to make a dec-

as possible, the financial laration whether it is from

terms of the loan, failing, a salary or from a pension

however, often , financial in another country. Now

institutions with this inesbefore you start worrying,

capable requirement.

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

SIMPLE IN SPAIN ief...

ALL YOUR LEGAL NEEDS

URE YOUR BANK IS BEING FAIR not everyone and will have pay taxes on their decla-

because your pension comes from the UK and is

ration and the odds are that if you’ve retired here in

over 11.200 euros (and it has not been tax-deducted

in Spain) only have pension, Spain and areoften receivinggoes your pension from abroad, age contracts unnoticed – here´s one- even youthough willyouwant to one look out for! you might not have to pay depending on certain

you must to declare your income in Spain.

At issue, of course, with these clauses, is

relation to the customer who does not enjoy

whether they have CHARACTER OF ABUSE (do

protection in the event of an upturn in the index,

they infringe your rights?), especially when

or other advantages that could compensate for

fixing a real lower limit (about 3%), but on the

this lack of protection. “

other hand, the upper limit, which can be fixed

In other words the bank is having its cake and

on the day of signing mortgager contracts can

eating it while covering its own rear from market

often be considered totally unrealistic (ranging

fluctuations – leaving you the customer to pay

from 10% to 15%).

the difference.

requirements.

If you have retired to Spain and stay in the country

more than 183 days then you too must declare your income here and not in the UK. You will also benefit from the special International Treaty between Spain and the UK. There are still an awful lot of people living in Spain but still declaring their incomes in the UK which means that could be missing out on saving a

These clauses, unfair, cause a significant imballot of money just because

Compensation from a road traffic accident is also exempt from the tax office but again – it’s worth declaring it anyway.

Anyone receiving unemployment benefit (up to

15,000€ - who’s getting that much..?!) is also free from deductions.

How?

To make sure you don’t need to pay tax on your income, or indeed reduce your bill at the end of the fi-

ance in the rights and obligations of the parties

This is because the lower limit clauses is pretty

involved in signing the contract, and clearly it

much effective from the start of the contract to

significantly affects consumers by not allow-

date, freeing the bank of damage involving the

ing them to enjoy the interest rate decreases

possible lowering of interest rates and therefore

when they come along. That situation forces

a lower income for the bank as a result of a

the borrower to pay a higher interest rate than

dramatic reduction. The customer is not covered

they originally believed and had not signed the

and faces the risk of having to face a much

clause. However, the upper limits of interest that

higher payment in the event of an upward trend

we have seen set have been established many

in the evolution of the Euribor rate.

they don’t realise that they can do their declaration

here and take advantage of the fiscal benefits such as inheritance tax for residents, or just paying less taxes, for example.

Why?

Obviously the Spanish government needs taxes and, if you are receiving an income you need to be legal.

Even if you know there will be nothing to pay – you’ll get yourself in the system (which, trust me on this

times, and they would have been as unimaginaone, only make life easier) so when the day comes

ble at the time of signing the contract as they that someone (we’ll call him ‘Johnny Foreigner’)

are now (especially when the upper limit is set

nancial year, it’s highly recommended that you speak to someone who is experienced in the Spanish tax

system – or you could end up paying more than you need to!

Pedro told me that there are often an array of options

for people to reduce their tax bill (or even pay nothing at all) if their case is looked at professionally and

with an experienced eye. For example, someone who has their parents living in the same house can have certain funds deducted from their end of year tax bill

So how I can remove Clauses?

as can anyone who has perhaps had to adapt their

Our team of experts will negotiate with the

house for disabled access.

dies in Spain Johnny’s family will have a simple task

bank on your behalf and even may have a claim

dealing with the fiscal (the Will etc.) matters than

As ever, with any taxinoffice, are you a little more on against the entity orderthings to save money

someone who has never gone into the system.

complicated thaninstalment we’d like but by dealing every monthly because thewith interest

so high that it is statistically impossible to offer). It is also noteworthy that in some contracts we have seen the maximum interest rate set, which

Exceptions

is clearly an abuse of the agreement between

someone in the know it often works out farthan simpler you pay will probably be much higher the

To keep it simple (remember it’s me writing this…)

official interest money provided by who the European (and less expensive) to have someone knows

here are some exceptions to the rule of ‘Having to

Central Bank. what they are doing look after those (very) important

contracting parties.

declare’ but remember also what I said earlier about

Currently, these issues are being questioned in

there being no harm (only benefits) in getting into the

the courts, and sentences consisting rave about, system.

among which include the following:

If you earn less than 22,000€ annually (from one em-

fiscal matters that can often become an expensive

P & H are a Spanish law firm skilled in nightmare in the wrong hands – ours. negotiating with banks. From my own experience, the fee charged to make my declaration was less than Pedro managed to

Alicante Provincial Court, judgment of 10 Febru-

Why do we do it?

ary 2012: “In any case, apart from these digres-

Because we firmly believe that most “limit

ployer and are already having tax deducted) or (if you have incomes from several place) that none of those

sions, there is no reciprocity in the contract,

reduce my tax bill after showing me exactly what I

could and couldn’t claim and therefore the cost of clauses” reflecting mortgage contracts are unfair

exceed 1,500€ annually.

doingcustomers it properly of hasbanks cost me and arenothing…in being hurtfact by I’ve their

If you have received profits from shares or dividends

madeofa knowledge little on the deal, now…do I declare that…? lack in financial matters.

and we believe that it is contrary to good faith, when in the same entity the bank protects its

of less than 1,600€ per year (this even applies if you

If you have any questions or queries about the

have, for example, sold a car for a profit privately).

Are we the only ones? indeed you should be upcoming ‘Renta’ and whether

Salaries or incomes below 11,200€ (usually pen-

No. Otheryour agencies consumer organizations declaring incomeand – call either Pedro or Ignacio

sioners) are exempt but remember also that if you

such as OCU also filed against and they’ll put have you straight. Andlawsuits the benefit for Allthe

are employed your employer is obliged to deduct a

Abroad readers is that they’ll give you first consulta-

contractual interest by including a ground clause and by including a clause ceiling. As the bank is interested in “hedging” against certain types of economic scenarios, the client also would also

be interested to be covered. By this clause, un-

relevant entities.

minimum of 15% from your wage packet to withhold

tion free – so what have you got to lose apart from a

for the taxman here in Spain. If that does not happen,

headache from those piles of paper!

requited, the lender with variable rate obtained objectively a more advantageous position in

About Pedro & Ignacio The two spent a year at Southampton Institute of international law so it’s no surprise that they speak English so well. Later, having studied law together at Alicante university, Pedro and Ignacio teamed up and formed the highly successful Pellicer & Heredia Solicitors (based in the same building as the British Consulate) and using their understanding of British people have built a firm of three offices (so far) with a fourth opening in Ciudad Quesada very soon –and all the staff speak English, very handy.

Their doors are always open – even if you´re not sure if you really need a lawyer – so pop along and see them in Avda de Naciones, Ciudad Quesada – or one of their other local offices.

Be Original - ALL ABROAD! -TEL. 606 540 408

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

10 THINGS YOU CAN LEAVE AT HOME WHEN MOVING TO SPAIN

1 Stress.

When you come to live in Spain you can really relax. I’m not just talking about chilling out on a beach, around a pool or even by diving into a pint! No, what I mean is the pace of life here is different, and famously so. You may have heard people say, ‘it’s all manana over there’ and it is. And the best thing about that is that as soon as you accept things are down in a more relaxed manner here you’ll find yourself wondering why you ever got stressed before. Winding down after a sunny day, listening to the cicadas hugging trees and emitting their trill evening message along with a fine bottle (or two) of local wine is not a scenario expats ever tire of.

Your suit. Whether, like me, you drag one out for weddings and funerals or have had to wear one for work purposes, when you arrive in Spain you won’t be needing that anymore, trust me. Smart casual is about as dressed up as people ever expect, or even want in Spain. Daytimes (and for about 330 days each year) the dress code is ‘keep it simple’ - shorts, sandals and T-shirt are the norm, whether for an evening out or a day on the beach. Leave the trouser press and the tie-rack in the UK…unless of course you like your trunks with a crease…?

Your preconceptions about Spain. Forget what you see on documentaries and other TV shows about Spain and come and see for yourself because far from being ‘Blackpool by the sea’ Spain is a huge, diverse country. Rich in history (and wines…) it has often had a reputation as a resort full of Brits, but come on over and take a look at this magnificent country through your own eyes, experience the tradition, the kindness, the family life and the climate (have I mentioned the wines…?). Now with some of the best roads in Europe (and definitely the best beaches) you can explore and experience Spain form your base wherever that may be, and see the real Spain (your Spain) for yourself.

The instant coffee. Once you have tasted the superb range of coffees available in Spain (drinking coffee in Spain is an occasion to be savoured and spent time on) you won’t be wanting that stuff that comes in a jar claiming to be the ‘real taste’ and offering you a funny hand-shake. With a snifter of brandy alongside you’ll witness many a local en-

joying his breakfast coffee seated at a bar and shouting (over a TV) to someone a few feet away. It may take ten minutes for your coffee to arrive, but don’t fret –enjoy it – your coffee will arrive, and what’s the rush? Served with a smile and possibly a ‘Tapa’ to tide over those hunger pangs for a while…and not a funny hand-shake in sight.

The plan B. I remember organising barbecues, parties for my son (or for us parents) when I lived in the UK and we always had to have a plan B. why? The wonderfully unpredictable British weather is the reason as I’m sure you know already. How many times have you been to a barbecue in someone’s garden only for the heavens to open and everyone ends up in the kitchen! In Spain that just doesn’t happen. Now I’m not saying that it never rains in Spain (especially on the plains…?) but 99 times out of a hundred, when you plan something like a party or barbecue in Spain – it happens, because, more often than not the good ol’ sun is shining, again. So come on over, make some plans and forget about a ‘what if’ and just think of when.

Everyone else. Now I’m not saying forget the family and disconnect yourself from your friends who will no doubt be very good friends now that you have a property in Spain and will soon visit, and soon. But when you come to live in Spain you’ll soon realise that the expat community in Spain is full of people who have ‘been there and done it’ as far as being new to these shores is concerned and who are always willing to help out, and make you welcome. It’s daunting enough arriving and trying to set up home especially in a new country, but amongst the expats you’ll find help, guidance and some very good company with which to make the move so much more enjoyable. Expats are a breed that look out for each other and help out (if needed of wanted) and they’re always a cheerful bunch…well wouldn’t you be living here…?

The lawn mower Spain doesn’t do grass very well so trade in your lawn-mower for a far more handier gadget in Spain, say a drinks cooler or an all-singing barbecue for the patio. You see unless you’re going to pretty much dedicate your hours awake every day to tend to grass that for ten months of the year

A fun guide for those thinking of coming here to enjoy THE LIFE!

is being frazzled then flog the mower before you come and worry about your new weekly chore – in charge of a leaf blower… far more fun.

All those ‘must have’ British essentials. No longer are Brits stuffing their suitcases with pork pies and industrial packs of bacon as was the norm a few years ago. Now with an abundance of British supermarkets and with the big boys such as Carrefour and Mercadona have taken note that their customer base is far more international these days and their stock now reflects that with items such as PG Tips and cheddar cheese commonly available in the traditionally Spanish-stocked shops. Everything that you can get back in the UK is now pretty much available in Spain… except perhaps for the winter flu…

The blinkers. If you’re only experience of ‘Johnny Foreigner’ is on holiday or in your local newsagent then get ready for some eyeopening experiences. Spain is now multicultural and living amongst other northern Europeans as well as South Americans, Africans and the odd Aussie (they get everywhere don’t they?) means that new cultures are often brought to the public’s attention through shows and exhibitions. The Africans with their wares on sale at beachfronts –displayed on a blanket – are a marvel to witness as they go about their work creating amazing pieces of art from leather, wood or the occasional cola can. Enjoy the cultures that will intersect with your life in Spain – it’s a whole new world out here!

The socks. Now, I may need to be a little delicate here but, if you are a gentleman of a certain age and believe that socks should be worn at all times (out of bed) you will need to refine your self-discipline just a tad – to benefit fully from the Spanish climate, and to stop your children dying of embarrassment. What am I talking about? Well, I’m afraid it’s the old socks and sandals ‘fashion’ that seems to be unique to northern Europeans – can you imagine Julio Iglesias wearing socks with sandals? No, I didn’t think so and your wife probably thinks he’s a Latin Adonis, so why not make yourself one….and it must start with leaving the socks behind!

S to

HAVE Next month: 10 MUST live in Spain!

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‘aving a laugh... Yorkshire hunour Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs. Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth. Police say the dangerous practice is called “e by gum” A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshireman: “Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat.” Vet: “Is it a tom?” Yorkshireman: “Nay, I’ve browt it with us.”

as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to rememYorkshireman:

of yon dog?”

Sheriff´s FUNNY FACTS

A PIG’S ORGASM LASTS 30 MINUTES.

Jeweller: “Do you want it 18 (O.M.G.!!!) carat?” Yorkshireman: “No I want it chewin’ a bone yer daft bugger!”

Sheriff´s FUNNY FACTS

IF YOU YELLED FOR 8 YEARS...

7 MONTHS AND 6 DAYS YOU WOULD HAVE PRODUCED ENOUGH SOUND ENERGY TO HEAT ONE CUP OF COFFEE.

A COCKROACH WILL LIVE NINE DAYS WITHOUT ITS HEAD BEFORE IT STARVES TO DEATH.(CREEPY) (I’M STILL NOT OVER THE PIG.) BANGING YOUR HEAD AGAINST A WALL USES 150 CALORIES AN HOUR. (DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME; MAYBE AT WORK.)

(HARDLY SEEMS WORTH IT.) THE MALE PRAYING MANTIS IF YOU FARTED CONSISTENTLY

CANNOT COPULATE WHILE

FOR 6 YEARS AND 9 MONTHS, ENOUGH GAS IS PRODUCED TO CREATE THE ENERGY OF AN

ITS HEAD IS ATTACHED TO

ATOMIC BOMB. (NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!)

A Yorkshireman’s dog dies and

ber the dog by.

“Can tha mek us a gold statue

THE HUMAN HEART CREATES

ITS BODY. THE FEMALE INITIATES SEX BY RIPPING THE MALE’S HEAD OFF. (HONEY, I’M HOME . WHAT THE...?)

ENOUGH PRESSURE WHEN IT PUMPS OUT TO THE BODY TO

THE FLEA CAN JUMP 350

SQUIRT BLOOD 30 FEET. (O.M.G.!)

IT’S LIKE A HUMAN JUMPING

TIMES ITS BODY LENGTH. THE LENGTH OF A FOOTBALL FIELD. (30 MINUTES. LUCKY PIG! CAN YOU IMAGINE?) THE CATFISH HAS OVER 27,000 TASTE BUDS. (WHAT COULD BE SO TASTY ON THE BOTTOM OF A POND?) SOME LIONS MATE OVER 50 TIMES A DAY. (I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE THAT PIG ...QUALITY OVER QUANTITY.)

BUTTERFLIES TASTE WITH THEIR FEET. (SOMETHING I ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW.) THE STRONGEST MUSCLE IN THE BODY IS THE TONGUE. (HMMMMMM.......) RIGHT-HANDED PEOPLE LIVE, ON AVERAGE, NINE YEARS LONGER THAN LEFT-HANDED PEOPLE. (IF YOU’RE AMBIDEXTROUS, DO YOU SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE?) ELEPHANTS ARE THE ONLY ANIMALS THAT CANNOT JUMP. (OKAY, SO THAT WOULD BE A GOOD THING.) A CAT’S URINE GLOWS UNDER A BLACK LIGHT. (I WONDER HOW MUCH THE GOVERNMENT PAID TO FIGURE THAT OUT.) AN OSTRICH’S EYE IS BIGGER THAN ITS BRAIN. (I KNOW SOME PEOPLE LIKE THAT.) STARFISH HAVE NO BRAINS. (I KNOW SOME PEOPLE LIKE THAT, TOO.) POLAR BEARS ARE LEFT-HANDED. (IF THEY SWITCH, THEY’LL LIVE A LOT LONGER.) HUMANS AND DOLPHINS ARE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT HAVE SEX FOR PLEASURE. (WHAT ABOUT THAT PIG? DO THE DOLPHINS KNOW ABOUT THE PIG?)

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10 GOING FOR IT in Spain! more!

expat businesses that are

If you saw last month´s All Abroad you may have read the article we did covering expats in business here in Spain – and how well some of them are doing! It was in response to the British press (and media) who seem intent on portraying us expats as so skint that we´re now queuing up for bread and even watching daytime TV… Any we decided we´d continue high-lighting those businesses here in our region who are coping, expanding or just making the most out of the situation that has come to be called The Crisis.

to stop and discuss the menu with diners. They didn´t know 1. Firstly, Jose and the team at Chimeneas Candela who have been looking

I was coming or that I was going to write this – mind you, at the point neither did I…until I’d eaten.

after customers from their Elche base for as long as I can remember. Always helpful and offering decent advice they have grown their business not just in the Spanish market but they

3. My friends Derek and Sandra at TV Choice Magazine have

have successfully and rightly taken their place in the expat

proved that through sheer hard work and determination you

marketplace too with much of their business coming from

can overcome the most difficult of obstacles and still manage

referrals these days – which is a testament to how they treat

to produce a top class product. They have gone from strength

their clients.

to strength in recent times and TV Choice Magazine is a testament to the professionalism and hard work of the team behind them too (I should know…).

2. I had the pleasure to eat at a very nice restaurant last month – one of the best I’ve been to in Spain – and we´d gone along on a recommendation - The Vestry in Algorfa. It´s clear from

4. If you´ve never met the guys at Euronics in Gran Alacant and La Marina (Javi & Pablo) pop along and see two of the most helpful guys around. They opened their

the moment you walk in

first store in Gran Alacant four years ago and have

the door that attention

gone on to open a second (just as successful) store

to detail is a priority

in La

Marina. They´ve also made sure that

(as well as attention

they´ve improved on their language

to me – and other

skills to better deal with clients from

customers of course…)

all over Europe, who often (you know

but as I watched the staff

who you are…) don´t speak enough

efficiently go about their

Spanish to explain exactly why they

work – they still had time

need the biggest screen available. continued on page 17

10 GOING FOR IT in Spain! more!

expat businesses that are continued from page 15

5. Steve at Howell´s Removals is never there when I call in to see him – and that´s a good thing! You see he´s always out delivering, picking up or pricing estimates for potential customers. With one of the largest fleets of trucks around Howell´s have continued to grow year on year and as Steve told me, “we´ve had to adapt to the current climate but we´ve done that by streamlining our business where it really needed it and cutting unnecessary costs. That way we can offer customers a better deal – which is why we´re so busy!”

based in Quesada

they

6. Saveway supermarket at Benimar has just moved in to its

cover most of the

new premises (just up from Studz Bar- Benimar) and now has

installing good quality equipment at a reasonable price – and

Costa Blanca

an impressive range of stock after leaving the smaller unit it

always with a smile. That´s just part of why they´ve done so

previously occupied just up the road at Benijofar. The family

well!

run business – fronted by dad Paul, is a popular stop off for expats (not just Brits either) and despite the doom and gloom

9. Tyres Direct is another company that has met a demand

from certain corners the family team have taken the positive

where it was needed and has grown due to the experience,

step of expanding – which has worked wonderfully since they

knowledge and skill of the staff. Being competitive and with a

opened the doors once more!

huge stock from which to supply clients from they have shown that in the current climate it is possible to be successful and even grow quickly if you have the right product. Clearly they

7. At the bottom of the hill in Gran Alacant in the commercial

have.

centre car park Spazio Motor started trading just six months ago and they have been full with cars needing attention ever since! What a success story for the lads who saw a demand

10. Francesc Agullo hair dressers in Gran Alacant have also

and filled it with a professional and well run set up. Batteries

adapted to meet the crisis head on by welcoming foreign cli-

and tyres are just a couple of the specialist services on offer

ents and treating them not only to a new style or colour, but

as well as quality car sales.

by making them feel comfortable amongst the Spanish all-girl team. A coffee and a smile are the first two things you´ll be greeted with (trust me…I go often even when I don´t need a

8. Getting British TV here in Spain can be a confusing and

trim…) and the head massage…? Don’t get me started! Pop

daunting task and finding a reliable and informative company

along and see the friendly team led by the lovely Noelia – and

is vital. Welcome GO SATELLITE!

soon!

GO SATELLITE was set up 6 years ago by husband and wife team Ian and Deborah – and they have done so well in that time because they know their stuff. Ian has experimore than 20 years’ experi ence, having spent 10 years with SKY In Home Services in the UK. Now

So there yo u have it another 1 many) bu 0 (of sinesses n ot just do ing ok, but being successfu l, and ther e are many more out there too. Supp them if yo ort u can – an d we can all go home smili ng! I should p oint out th at not all of the businesse s here are advertiser s and have been chosen on their succ rather tha ess n any fina ncial incen tive for or by us.

ALL ABROAD! - original ideas...

ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.

TEL. 606 540 408

STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

If it seems

too good to be true… T-A-CntAR REN No small pri

Dave Bull investigates complaints from readers concerned over the hidden ´extras´ when renting a car in Spain.

Have you rented a car recently? And how did it leave you

Spaniard giving directions. They also cover themselves (but unfor-

feeling? Now, I can imagine that if you used one of the

tunately not you) by telling you which bits of the car aren’t included

smaller, family run, car hire firms that works hard to please

in the insurance that comes with the car.

its customers here in Spain then it is more than likely that

Make sure you´ve read the T & C´s because (as we discovered on

you are quite content with the service, price and more that

some) tyre damage, damage to the underneath, flat battery, days

you received. However, if you perhaps booked online with

off road after you’ve hit a pothole… will NOT be covered and there-

one of the bigger companies you may well be one of those

fore your credit card is going to be taking a hammering should any

people that feel they have been financially abused when

of the above unfortunately occur while you´re in Spain.

you arrived to collect your hire car and discovered that the

They will even offer you an insurance (at an extra cost) that will

´great price you thought you´d booked the car for is actual-

cover the bits that aren’t covered…still with me? Good, because in

ly just the starting point and like a contestant in Crackerjack

the small print of THAT insurance you’ll (in some cases) discover

you are going to be fully loaded (with ´extras´) before you

that the hire firm have covered their rear end (nicely) by inserting

can leave with the precious car keys in your hand.

such disclaimers as, ´exclusions from insurance can be partially covered with this insurance…’ of which there is no explanation as

Things have changed

to exactly what it is you are covering, or not – and that´s suppos-

In recent years the car hire industry has changed (and changed

edly English!

back) and then changed again and where less than ten years ago travellers were happy with a Seat Marbella (Fiat Panda) that had no aircon, no power steering, no stereo, no airbags or even comfort come to that, nowadays thanks to some ridiculous pricing structures (that has seen some big companies go bust) customers are being offered very good cars – at unsustainable prices. It is no accident that with the advent of the internet based compa-

BARGAIN! CUT PRICE! CHEAP! LOOK!

nies who have offered more and more for less

Why? Why all the extras? As I said earlier, with the emergence of the online and what seem at first glance, ‘budget’ companies the price to actually rent the car is extremely cheap, so they need to make it up somewhere, and they are very reluctant to let you out of the car park without having a good few swipes of your credit card first. I spoke to Mike Haynes of Coys rent a car -

and less in an effort to beat the competition, customers now require

who has been successfully looking after their customers on the

all the luxuries but at the super-low prices that, on first impression,

Costa Blanca for over 20 years – and who was very helpful and

look very accommodating indeed, but for those pesky extras.

happy to explain how they operate, “With regards to fuel for ex-

We´ve had many letters asking just how the big car hire companies

ample, with us our customers pay 12.00€ for smaller cars or 25€

can squeeze 75€ euros worth of fuel into the car that you’ve rented

for the larger ones, or the customer can let us know what they

– which, by the way, is roughly the size of a wheelie-bin. Whether

would like to have, say 30€ or even full and we will charge you

they are using aviation fuel or not we’re not sure yet. One of the

accordingly”, – which is a big difference to the companies that are

many other charges are for baby-seats - which if you plan to spend

charging 75€! He went on, “and with the insurance situation we

more than a couple of weeks here means that you might as well

make it very clear on our website that if you pay an excess waiver

have left the little darling at home – with a full time nanny. Then

– that´s exactly what it is – not an excuse to introduce even more

you´ve got to cough up for ‘extra drivers’ – just tick the box, and

charges! This payment (€2.50/day, groups A-E €3.50/day, groups

yet I know that it costs the hire company no more money to add

F-G) waivers

drivers…but they charge for it handsomely.

or 600€ depending on the model of car you hire. The EWC (Excess

For this winter it looks like the weekly rental could be as low as 30€

Waiver Charge) covers you for everything except the loss of keys

per week (prices quoted on agencies web site) and after looking

and the deposit of incorrect fuel.”

the excess in the contract which will either be 300€

into the ´bargain price´ a little more carefully we discovered that car suppliers will be looking to re-coup AT LEAST 70€ + in extras,

Advice

more than double the initial cost of the hire!

Our advice is stick with the small guys – the price you see is the

Now we get to the small print…yup, there’s a fair bit of it and of

price you get, and the service will be so much better. Find a reputa-

course it´s not always quite as easily to spot as, say, the special

ble company and deal with the owners (usually) directly and you’ll

offers? However, on some sites we checked we couldn’t even find

get straightforward answers…and no bloody small print! At least

any! And on those that we did…well they were about as vague as a

Dick Turpin had the courtesy to wear a mask…

Gran Alacant sunrise Dave Bull

ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.

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STILL the cheapest advertising around- TEL. 606 540 408

2 BIG PAGES of

PUZZLE FUN!!

riddles

Riddles - Answers below

1. With a 7-minute hourglass and an 11-minute hourglass, can you explain the quickest way to time a boiling egg for 15

Across

Down

1. Brutal, primative (8)

1. Village NW of

1. magical (8)

2. The Granite City (8)

Penzance (6)

2. type of wall (8)

3. US television award

4. my role in making

3. porcine noise (4)

(4)

this puzzle! (8)

5. make too simple

5. Having many sides

9. proverb (6)

(12)

or aspects (12)

10. made to feel at

6. step (4)

6. 26 and 27 betray the

home (8)

7. prisoner (6)

most precious belief 4,

12. 9th Greek letter (4)

8. overnight trans-

4, 4 (4)

13. booth (5)

atlantic flight (6)

7. With the beat (2,

14. remain (4)

11. rude (12)

4) (6)

17. notice (12)

15. indian dish (5)

8. Organisation that

20. someone who stirs

16. foe (5)

distributes free bibles

it up! (12)

18. old-fashioned play-

(6)

23. all books have

ground game (8)

11. Sweet manufac-

them! (4)

19. type of cow (8)

turer (12)

24. rigid (5)

21. cloud (6)

15. Play a guitar (5)

25. domed or vaulted

22. woodwind musician

16. Organ that controls

recess (4)

(6)

hormones (5)

28. on the sussex coast

26. protruding part of

18. Bending over (8)

(8)

the lower jaw (4)

19. Abdominal delivery

29. swimwear (6)

27. curse (4)

(12)

(8)

30. devil worship (8)

23. Harvest (4)

21. Ticklish spot, oxter

31. gas that with hy-

24. Expression of mild

(6)

drogen foms water (6)

surprise or fear (5)

22. Plain-woven un-

25. Very small quantity

bleached cotton (6)

(4)

26. see 6 down (4)

28. Nag in pot (ana-

27. see 6 down (4)

Across

Down

1. Smoker wants civic 1. Scottish society, often quoted anony-

minutes?

mously (6)

2. A sundial is a timepiece that has the

4. Hip, cool or wicked

fewest number of moving parts. Which

in the 1950s (8)

timepiece has the most moving parts? 3. Life or Death? The Emperor’s Proposition You are a prisoner sentenced to death. The Emperor offers you a chance to live by playing a simple game. He gives you 50 black marbles, 50 white marbles and 2 empty bowls. He then says, “Divide these 100 marbles into these 2 bowls. You can

9. Watery, especially eyes (6) 10. Made a a long, wavering, high-pitched sound especially at an Arabic wedding (8) 12. Assistant (4) 13. Page, page number

divide them any way you like as long as

(5)

you use all the marbles. Then I will blind-

14. Cartridges, bullets

fold you and mix the bowls around. You

(abbreviation) (4)

then can choose one bowl and remove ONE marble. If the marble is WHITE you will live, but if the marble is BLACK... you will die.”

17. Able to be distinguished (12) 20. American diner (for midday meal only?)

STRAIGHT LINES OR NOT?

gram) (8) 29. Type of offering made in thanks or anticipation of a wish (6) 30. American pants (8) 31. Advertising phrase (6)

Answer 1. Start both hour glasses as the egg is dropped in the boiling water. When the sand stops running in the 7-minute hourglass, turn it over. When the sand stops running in the 11-minute hourglass, turn the 7-minute hourglass over and leave the 11-minute hourglass. When the sand stops in the 7-minute hourglass, 15 minutes will have elapsed. 2. An Hourglass 3. Place 1 white marble in one bowl, and place the rest of the marbles in the other bowl (49 whites, and 50 blacks). This way you begin with a 50/50 chance of choosing the bowl with just one white marble, therefore life! BUT even if you choose the other bowl, you still have ALMOST a 50/50 chance at picking one of the 49 white marbles. SOLUTIONS:

a toughy! ALL ABROAD! - allIt'sour own ideas.

It's a toughy!

Word: ABSOLVING

TEL. 606 540 408

RED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all

BORED? all BO all BORED? all BORED? all BOR

all BORED? RED? all BO all BORED? all BORED? all BO

Across

Down

Across

Down

7. US state whose capi-

1. A collection of remi-

1. German measles (7)

1. Put back in its proper

tal is Montpelier (7)

niscences typically writ-

5. Type of duck (7)

place (7)

8. A wave with a white

ten in retirement (7)

9. Copying (5)

2. Newlywed (5)

breast (7)

2. The Red ___, Lincoln

10. Shun (9)

3. Diplomatic mission

10. See 16 Down ()

City FC nickname (4)

11. Comprehended with

(8)

11. A freshwater fish of

3. and 9 Composer of

certainty (10)

4. Distant (5)

the carp resembling a

the musicals Cats and

12. Band at the bottom

5. Saw a crime being

roach (4)

Starlight Express (6,5,6)

of a sleeve (4)

committed (9)

12. New York street

4. See 6 ()

13. Sleeping disorder

6. Dull in appearance

synonymous with the-

5. The state capital of

(10)

(4)

atre (8)

California (10)

16. Part of foot (4)

7. Devotee of luxurious

14. The stoat during

6. 2005 film starring

18. Sleeveless outer

living (9)

winter when its coat

Owen Wilson and Vince

garment (4)

8. Required (7)

becomes white (6)

Vaughn (7,8)

19. Impediment (10)

14. Morally unprincipled

15. Author of The Secret 9. See 3 ()

21. Coagulation (4)

person (9)

Diary of Adrian Mole and 13. A blue variety of

22. Shades of a single

15. Newspaper column

The Queen and I (3,8)

beryl used in jewellery

colour (10)

(9)

19. A condition in golf

(10)

26. Litigant (9)

17. Ban (8)

when the path to the

16. 1999 film for which

27. Meat in rashers (5)

18. Pilots’ compart-

hole is blocked by some- Michael Caine won an

28. Shamrock or clover

ment (7)

one else’s ball (6)

Oscar (3,5,5,5,)

e.g. (7)

20. Everlasting (7)

20. Royal castle on the

17. American city - host

29. Relating to the side

23. Edible internal or-

river Dee (8)

of the 1996 Olympics

(7)

gans of an animal (5)

22. Catherine ----, 6th

(7)

24. Take place (5)

wife of Henry VIII (4)

18. Administrative head-

25. Reverse the effect

23. Sport associated

quarters of Somerset (7)

of (4)

with John Curry and

21. The ____ Lads, TV

Robin Cousins (3,7)

series starring Rodney

25. The capital of the

Bewes and James Bolam

Falkland Islands (7)

(6)

26. Oliver Stone film

24. Adopted name of

that won Best Picture

Yugoslav leader Josip

Oscar in 1986 (7)

Broz (4)

DUCK OR RABBIT? (Very bunny...)

Riddles - Answers below 1 Henry has been caught stealing cattle, and is brought into town for justice. The judge is his ex-wife Gretchen, who wants to show him some sympathy, but the law clearly calls for two shots to be taken at Henry from close range. To make things a little better for Henry, Gretchen tells him she will place two bullets into a sixchambered revolver in successive order. She will spin the chamber, close it, and take one shot. If Henry is still alive, she will then either take another shot, or spin the chamber again before shooting. Henry is a bit incredulous that his own ex-wife would carry out the punishment, and a bit sad that she was always such a rule follower. He steels himself as Gretchen loads the chambers, spins the revolver, and pulls the trigger. Whew! It was blank. Then Gretchen asks, “Do you want me to pull the trigger again, or should I spin the chamber a second time before pulling the trigger?” Answers below 2. A gambler goes to bet. The dealer has 3 dice, which are fair, meaning that the chance that each face shows up is exactly 1/6. The dealer says: “You can choose your bet on a number, any number from 1 to 6. Then I’ll roll the 3 dice. If none show the number you bet, you’ll lose €1. If one shows the number you bet, you’ll win €1. If two or three dice show the number you bet, you’ll win €3 or €5, respectively.” Is it a fair game?

Answer 1. Henry should have Gretchen pull the trigger again without spinning. We know that the first chamber Gretchen fired was one of the four empty chambers. Since the bullets were placed in consecutive order, one of the empty chambers is followed by a bullet, and the other three empty chambers are followed by another empty chamber. So if Henry has Gretchen pull the trigger again, the probability that a bullet will be fired is 1/4. If Gretchen spins the chamber again, the probability that she shoots Henry would be 2/6, or 1/3, since there are two possible bullets that would be in firing position out of the six possible chambers that would be in position. 2. It’s a fair game. If there are 6 gamblers, each of whom bet on a different number, the dealer will neither win nor lose on each deal. If he rolls 3 different numbers, e.g. 1, 2, 3, the three gamblers who bet 1, 2, 3 each wins €1 while the three gamblers who bet 4, 5, 6 each loses €1. If two of the dice he rolls show the same number, e.g. 1, 1, 2, the gambler who bet 1 wins €3, the gambler who bet 2 wins €1, and the other 4 gamblers each loses €1. If all 3 dice show the same number, e.g. 1, 1, 1, the gambler who bet 1 wins €5, and the other 5 gamblers each loses €1. In each case, the dealer neither wins nor loses. Hence it’s a fair game.

D? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED? all BORED?

more riddling!

SOLUTIONS:

ORED? all BOR.ED? all BORED? all BORE Easy...ishSTILL

Word: CERTAINLY

It's a toughy! around- TEL. 606 540 408 the cheapest advertising

Office: 96 679 5233 email:info@ipgspain.com www.ipgspain.com

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Avda. Londres 1-A, Local 8, Urb. La Marina San Fulgencio Office: 96 679 5233 email:info@ipgspain.com www.ipgspain.com 26

ALL ABROAD! - all our own ideas.

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Linda Rowland Talks Insurance

During these difficult times of crisis I would like to issue a word of warning by referring to a true case that was reported to us by one of the insurance companies that we use. They tell us of a client who changed his insurance company to save 20 euros. The new company did not inform the client clearly that robbery was an optional guarantee and the client only found out that he hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t opted for this cover until after he had the unfortunate experience of a break in. Fortunately the repairs and replacement of stolen items came to just under 2,000 euros which the client had to pay from his own pocket. It could have been 20,000 euros or more. Before cutting your insurance premium consult us and we will carefully explain all the covers and exclusions and still provide you with a competitive premium and all the help and advice that you need. We speak English, Spanish, Finnish, German, French & Catalan

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‘aving a laugh with... After closing time at the bar..... After closing time at the bar, a drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. ‘What’s up with the big brass gong?’ one of the guests asked. ‘It’s not a gong. It’s a talking clock,’ the drunk replied. ‘A talking clock? Seriously?’ asked his astonished friend. ‘Yup,’ replied the drunk. ‘How’s it work?’ the friend asked, squinting at it. ‘Watch,’ the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. . The three stood looking at one another for a moment....... Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, ‘You asshole! It’s three-fifteen in the morning!

A Yorkshireman’s wife dies...

and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words “She were thine” engraved on it. He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.

TIME TO USE YOUR BRAIN..!?@#

h. He has to choose between three 1. A murderer is condemned to deat , the second is full of assassins with rooms. The first is full of raging fires that haven’t eaten in 3 years. lions loaded guns, and the third is full of Which room is safest for him? she holds him under water for over 2. A woman shoots her husband. Then 5 minutes later they both go out But 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. er together. How can this be? together and enjoy a wonderful dinn when you use 3. What is black when you buy it, red throw it away?

it, and gray when you

days without using the 4. Can you name three consecutive day, Friday, or Sunday?

words Wednes-

curious as to just how quickly you 5. This is an unusual paragraph. I’m It looks so ordinary and plain it. t can find out what is so unusual abou g with it. In fact, nothing is wrong that you would think nothing was wron Study it and think about it, but you with it! It is highly unusual though. if you work at it a bit, you might find still may not find anything odd. But ! out. Try to do so without any coaching RIDDLES ARE BELOW:

THE ANSWERS TO ALL FIVE THE

s are dead. That

eaten in three year 1. The third room. Lions that haven’t one was easy, right?

She shot a picture of her husband, 2. The woman was a photographer. t; held under water; and hung). developed it, and hung it up to dry (sho ng.

3. Charcoal, as it is used in barbecui

ive days, yesterday, today, and tomo

When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it’s been engraved “She were thin”.

4. Sure you can name three consecut row!

He explodes: “’ells bells man, you’ve left the bloody “e” out, you’ve left the bloody “e” out!”

mon letter used in the English lan5. The letter e, which is the most com paragraph. the in guage, does not appear even once

The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud: “E, she were thin”.

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Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: “There you go sir, I’ve put the “e” on the stone for you”.

Ten Catholic Priests were killed in a road accident. At the Pearly Gates St Peter says ‘’If any of you are Paedophiles you can clear off down to Hell.” Nine of them start to walk away, when St Peter calls out ‘’And take this deaf git with you.’’

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The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.

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MARKETS

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Tuesday Markets Alicante (Rastro) Aspe Altea Barx Bellreguard Benijofar Campo de Mirra Castalla Elda Jalon (Xalo) Orihuela Palma de Gandia Piles Rafelcofer Relleu San Fulgencio Tibi Villalonga Xeresa

Wednesday Markets Ador Albatera Alcoy Alqueries Almoines Banyeres Barx Benjema Beniaries Benidorm Benilloba Benitachell Biar Callosa de Segura Calpe (Rastro) El Campello Elda Guardamar del Segura La Font d’en Carros La Mata Muchamiel Monforte del Cid Novelda Orba Ondara Petrer Polop Potries Rotova San Miguel de Salinas Teulada

Thursday Markets Agost Agres Albatera Alguena Alicante Aspe Benidoleig Cocentaina Hondon de los Frailes

Thursday Contined... Javea (Xabia) Llocnou de Sant Jeroni Pego Playe de Bellreguard Rafelcofer Rojales San Javier Tavernes de Valldigna Villajoyosa Xixona (Jijona)

Friday Markets Albatera Alfaz del Pi Almoines Banyeres Benejuzar Beniarres Benidoleig Crevillente Daimus Denia (Rastro) El Verger Finestrat Gata de Gorgos Granja de Rocamora L’ Alfas del Pi Monforte del Cid Montesinos Moraira Muro de Alcoi Oliva Onil Petrer Pilar de la Horadada Rafol d’ Almunia Tibi Torrevieja Villalonga

Saturday Markets Alcoy Alicante Almoradi Alqueria Banyeres Bellreguard Benifairo Benissa Callosa d’En Sarria Calpe Castalla Castell de Castells Catral Elche Elda La Font d’En Carros La Romana Gaianes Hondon de las Nieves Novelda Ondara Pedreguer Playa Flamenca San Vicente del Raspeig Salinas Relleu Santa Pola Xalo (Jalon) Rastro

GIG GUIDE

This week I went out and met The Caballeros they are three local entertainers who joined forces to bring the Costa Blanca tribute shows with a difference! They are Charles Prince, Cherry K and Dave E Moss. Recently, the three decided to invite Rebecca Holt to join them to make four. They are now a terrific team and you are guaranteed a fantastic night out in the company of the Caballeros! Charles Prince trained at the Royal Academy of Music in his teenage years but did not become a professional singer until his late 30’s. Charles specializes in his Garth Brooks tribute and is one of the most popular Country Music artists on the Costa Blanca. However, his talent does not end there and he is well known for his fantastic tribute to Freddie Mercury. You will never forget a show that contains Charles Prince! Cherry K started her singing career at the tender age of 13 in the Country group, Country Kittens in the UK. Country Kittens were extremely well respected in their home country but it wasn’t until Cherry moved to Spain in early 2011 that she discovered her talent, not only having an incredible voice, but for being a comedian! Cherry is great with an audience and is extremely quick witted and funny. Dave E Moss was always being told he looked like Buddy Holly and then, by chance, discovered he sounded pretty much like him too. Since then he has

gone from strength to strength and has developed other tributes too, a local favorite is his Marc Bolan! Rebecca Holt is only 15 but, boy, what a voice!! This young lady has an incredible range and she often strikes audiences dumb when they hear her. Rebecca likes to express herself through music, and that is quite clear when you realize that her skill set goes far beyond singing, but she is also a highly accomplished pianist and also plays the saxophone. It is rare to come across real talent, let alone talent that is so multifunctional in terms of instruments that she plays, but also the incredible range of her voice, able to adapt to just about any singing style and genre there is. The Caballeros are proud to include her in the team. A Caballeros show is a great night full of entertainment, fun and laughs and you will remember the night for a long time to come and every show they do is always different to the last, so make sure you go to see this fantastic show in your area. If you’re a bar or an entertainer and want to appear in the gig guide or you have any events coming up that you would like me to tell everyone about then please contact me by email on mandy@starsinbars.org or call me on 685302529 or just visit my website www.starsinbars.org

Sunday Markets

Algorfa Benidorm Benijofar Campoverde El Campo de Guardamar Elche El Zoco La Nucia Lliber La Marina Pedreguer Verger Villajoyosa

ALL ABROAD! - original thinking. TEL. 606 540 408

Mandy x

FIESTAS IN OCTOBER Fiestas de Octubre, Petrer October 5, Sant Francesc, Polop October 5, Fiestas del Pilar 2012, Pilar de la Horadada from October 6 to 14,

HAVE YOU TRIED THE CARABASI CENTRE IN GRAN ALACANT YET?

CLUBS & Things to do

MUSIC: JAZZ, BLUES & SOUL Brian James Jazz Trio Every Sat At Alfie’s Dock La Marina Avda. del Mediterrano, beach side

HELP Torrevieja & Vega Baja

every Saturday at 13:00. The

Aplec de Sonadors, Mutxamel October 7,

Charity Sale

Brian James Jazz Trio features

Every Sat

Eo Simon on piano, Pablo Fojo

Virgen del Rosario, Rafal October 7,

On the first Saturday of every

on the double bass and Brian

month from 09:30-13:00 at

himself on drums. Traditional

Día de la Comunidad Valenciana, Pilar de la Horadada October 9,

Casa Ventura. Tel:966 723 733

jazz standards. Free entrance.

Moros y Cristianos, Callosa d’en Sarria October 10,

Charity Market in aid of AECC

Every Mon

Mare de Déu del Rosari, Guardamar del Segura October 10, Virgen del Remedio, San Fulgencio October 10, Virgen del Pilar, Benejúzar October 12, Ntra. Sra. del Pilar, Los Montesinos October 12,

LIVE

ENETERTAINMENT ALL WEEKENDS THROUGHOUT OCTOBER! Plus, quizes, bingo, karaoke, and much more at: CENTRO CARABASI GRAN ALACANT

for more information. Live Jazz at the Jasbah Every Mon

Live Jazz at The Jasbah, lower

At Vialli’s Restaurant Via Park

level, Flamenca Beach C.C.

1 Playa Flamenca on the last

next to Jamie’s Curry House

Monday of the Month from

from 21:00 every Monday.

info.santapolasharksrugby@gmail.com Tel: +34 671 98 0258

10:00 (stallholders 09:00), in

Del and Lynne are pleased to

aid of AECC. The restaurant is

announce the return of The

open during the market time.

Jasbah Combo. Jazz musicians

Club Torrevieja Classics and

Cost €5 per table, free en-

and singers welcome to join in

Specialists Cars

trance. Tel: 966 189 375 or 636

the free jam session

Every Wed The club for classic, special-

766 268 All that Jazz

ist, exotic, kit, interesting,

Football for Kids

Every Tue

customised and future classic

Every Sun, Tue, Thu

At the Marina Bar Torreta 2,

Children’s football at Cabo Roig

behind the fire station from

Mare de Déu Pobra, Jalón / Xaló October 18,

and Mil Palmeras every Sunday,

13:00 every Tuesday. Concert

Tuesday and Thursday. Chil-

of traditional or Dixieland style

Mig Any, Onil October 20,

dren aged 4 to 14 years of age

Jazz every Tuesday with a full

wecome. Cost €3. Tel: 678 955

6 piece Band. Free entrance.

501

Contact John Hutchings. Tel:

Fiestas Mayores, El Campello October 15,

Santísimo Cristo del Sudor, Calpe October 22,

679 011 081 MUSIC: CLASSICAL & OPERA

cars enthusiasts meets on the first Wednesday of the month at Club Marina International, 19:30. Contact Keith. Tel: 609 063 614 Jazz Greats Every Mon At El Pescadito in Mil Palmeras from 19:30-22:30. Various

Día de las Peñas, Benidorm October 25,

Unión Musical Torrevejense

Age Concern Costa Blanca Sur

Rehearsals & Lessons

Every Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu, Fri

Fira de Tibi October 25,

Every Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu, Fri

Meet for information, advice or

Palacio de la Música C/ Unión

just a coffee and chat at The

Fira de Tots Sants 2012, Cocentaina from November 1 to 4,

Musical Torrevejense 55 1º

Centre Calle Paganini next to

Planta from 18:00-20:00

local police office, Urbanisation

Art Classes

Monday to Friday. Also teach-

La Siesta. Open every Monday

Fira de Tots Sants, Cocentaina November 1,

Calle Benimeli 6, Urb. Monte

ing sol-fa, flute, oboe, clarinet,

to Friday 10:00-13:30. Contact

Pego, Buzon 336 Pego

saxophone, bassoon, horn,

Tel: 966 786 887

Alicante Spain

Mercado Medieval, Callosa d’en Sarria November 3,

trumpet, trombone, tuba, eu-

artists perform jazz classics every Monday evening. Free entrance. Tel: 966 762 308

phonium and percussion.

July - August Opening Times www.almarchanavarro.es 09:00 - 14:00 www.almarchanavarro.es info@ almarchanavarro.es info@almarchanavarro.es MONDAY TO FRIDAY

OPENING TIMES MON - FRI 09:00 - 14:00 & 16:30 - 19:30

t Expa

Mystic Monkey

with

OCTOBER 2012

AUGUST IN SPAIN

My, that was a long hot summer, August especially so. It really makes me smile how we are enjoying the life in Spain when in the UK they have had one of the worst summers ever, torrential rain and one night in Scotland, the temperature went down to minus 2.5ºc. Shame!

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”, “It’s a long shot but it might just work,” and “You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off” are your lucky movie phrases to slip into conversations this month.

You are about to invent an iPad killer device this month for half the price of an iPad. It’s a gift from the planets who are becoming increasingly concerned at the power of Apple, and now Amazon with their new Kindle Fire tablet.

The number of meals you can make out of minced beef continues to amaze you even after all these years. Hungarian cooking and dumplings is well starred until the 19th.

Embrace growling animals no bigger than a squirrel this month, they are only playing, and the worst that can happen is a little nip and then they lock their little jaws and won’t let go regardless of the amount of swinging about you to to dislodge them. Aaaah. Put on your happy face even though you feel like an angry trout, especially on Saturdays. Your destiny shares the dreams of the obese ballet dancer who hasn’t been able to fit properly into her tutu since 1978. Beware Elton John songs for much of the month, especially now that Lion King 3D has been re-released, much to the chagrin of Jupiter who thinks 3D is just a transient gimmick to make up for the lack of good scripts these days. Your unofficial Paul Simon song writing course is coming along in leaps and bounds when you discover the 51st way to leave your lover on the 25th. You have never thought that there is much erotic about eating a banana. Well, times are a changing this October, as sensitively lit fruit beckons. Coconut oil is your lucky frying, massage and furniture polish oil this month, especially if frying chicken, doing back rubs and buffing mahogany tables between the hours of 5-8pm or until dusk whichever is sooner. An idea that reading a scary book will keep you awake one night this month is ill starred on many levels. The most likely outcome will be that you nod off to sleep unexpectedly and into a Nightmare on Elm Street world of men with sinister claw nails determined to scare you even more with a Doctor Evil type bladed-finger to the lip. Artificial sun bathing is well starred particularly a new craze thought up by planet Neptune - of tanning on sun beds in the dark outside at night - introduce it to your neighborhood for added Kudos.

Gunky stuff is well starred at times through the month especially if the thing that is gunky is supposed to be that way. Fortuitously gunky stuff should be investigated thoroughly - maybe prod it with a pencil or some such a bit - before deciding how to proceed.

Mark Hayes The red-bearded mechanic at Performance & Diesel

‘Uuuummmmm...’

Your new aviator style jacket is about to confuse a passerby who may ask you aviation related questions that you have no idea the answer to. Watch Airplane again early in the month and make up your answer based on that, ensuring you don’t miss the opportunity to say ‘don’t call me Shirley’ if the opportunity arises.

life

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However, these high temperatures bring with them their own dangers...one evening in the middle of August, with the sun just disappearing over the horizon; I was just winding down after a very long sweaty day´s work in the garage. Now my method of winding down is very simple........I sit back in my reclining chair and enjoy an ice cold beer or three! But this evening I was enjoying my second pint, with my feet up and eyes closed, thinking how lucky we were to live like this, when the most incredible jolt of pain pulled me back into reality. I looked at my arm and saw a 4” long (100mm to you youngsters) yellow and brown striped giant centipede with its jaws embedded in the soft part of my inner arm. With a yell I tried to knock it off with what was in my right hand, which just happened to be a ¾ full pint of cold beer. I missed the bloody centipede, instead hitting my arm, sending the beer up in the air, which landed in equal doses in my head, my groin and the floor by my feet. With a giant centipede embedded in my arm, beer dripping from my forehead, I jumped out of my chair. However, the beer soaked floor proved very slippery, too slippery for my bare feet which promptly went in opposite directions, causing my coccyx to embrace the ceramic tiles somewhat over enthusiastically, giving me enough pain to forget about the centipede that had been having its evening meal. The pint glass that I had lovingly brought with me from the UK all those years ago, had somehow parted company from my right hand, and was now in inexplainable slow motion coming down from above in a graceful arc and made contact with my ankle, in doing so shattering into what seemed a million pieces and instantly producing a nice claret coming from my leg! Hearing the bellow and sound of broken glass, my loving family came out to see what was going on. Now I don’t know what they thought, but all three of them were in hysterics while I sat there rubbing a throbbing arm and trying to stop the bleeding and getting the beer out of my eyes. I never had problems like this in England! PS I never found where that giant centipede went to!!!

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Each month sees more dogs in need & funds being stretched even further. Thank you to Chris, Peter & girls from The Mini Market & Scissor Sister Hairdressers, Las Kalendas, Fortuna who along with Karen and Jim of the The Albero Restaurant raised 1156 euros for us. A great evening, we hope to have another event there in October. On 15th September The Castle Bar, Fortuna is holding a Hog

Roast to raise funds for the dogs. Tickets 10 euros .

Tele: 659274573 Email :barneys.hope@gmail.com Web: www.petsinspain.info for our dogs and events. 38

www.toldospenalver.com C/Gaspasr Quiles Pascual, 24, ELCHE

Tel.

965 43 23 50

Classifieds

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ask@allabroad.es

Please place adverts by 16th of each month - sorry no businesses

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GENERAL

Computer Desks - Large €50 Wheelchair for sale VEHICLES folding good condition light- Small - €25 - Fortuna, 650 for sale piaggio free 50cc 1985 . weight 125euros first twist and go with electric 788851 Single folding bed used once start 2 seater colour yellow new Quesada 966717851 30E. 1.4 satellite dish,stand saddle excellent condition and LNB 100E. 966979630 Hp Printer + 4 Colour Ink, 3 tyres on italian plates new battery (pinoso area) OFFICE SPACE Black Ink - €45 - Fortuna - 650 collectors piece €350

Generator Fujiyama F-GF New Unused high output 5.5kw 390 euros Hondon De Los Frailes Tel 610667706

LA MARINA Modern - Fully Equipped in V. Reasonable monthly rental central location. Call Steve on 660 202 002

788851

FORTUNA 650 788851 Ford Mondeo Estate N/S/R Light Unit Complete 30€ Tel: 633193156 Fortuna Harley Davidson. 2003 Anniversary Road King. 24,000 Klms, One Owner. Star pool series 60 made by F.S.H Over 2000 Pounds Of gre out of the ground oval White Extendable Table/Small Extras.Tel. 966 699 465 11,995 pool Drawer & 4 Whicker Effect Euros Ono 3.75Mx7.3M with salt Chairs - €60 machine proffesional pump/ Fortuna - 650 788851 Mazda Mx5 2.0 Litre. 6 Speed. sand/filter liner is perfect 2005, One Owner. 26,000 Klms All dismantled needs a bit of Complete Excercise Gym Only. Metalic Red. Spanish Ikea Light Wood Computer work cleaning etc all inPlates. Lhd.As New 12,995 €200 - Fortuna - 650 788851 Desk With Top For Disks Etc Euros Ono structions/dvd how to install €30 - Fortuna - 650 788851 Tel. 639 545 694 bargain €599 One 1.4 Mtr Portugese Prime Fortuna 650 788851 Wanted To Purchase Mobile Satellite Dish. In Very Good Yamaha 1600 V Twin Wildstar Homes/Wooden Chalets-AnyOrder Only Done 8,000M As New Gre 3.5M round by 1.2M thing Considered - Call 650 €5,000 Tel. 693525799 And Complete With Lnb And deep brand new never been 788851 Fixing Bracket. Reason For Sale erected with upgraded pump Piaggo Nrg, 50Cc, Water sand filter ladders instruction Is The Need To Provide Two 200 BUSINESS CARDS = 35€ Cooled Special Scooter, manuel and dvd bargain €599 Take Offs. Price 100 Euros 1,400Kms From New, Black/ 24 hr turnaround fortuna 650 788851 966716400. White, Itv 2 Years, Tax Paid, Tel. 606 540 408 Excellent Condition €695.00 For Sale Computer Desk Tel. 650 788851 Petrol professional disk cutter Computer desk hardly used, Electric Induction Glass Hob, excellent condition working Excellent Condition, €150 need the space 15€ Bmw 323 Ti Com€220 fortuna 650 788851 Fortuna - 650 788851 tel/text: 622 03 35 82 pact Evo M 2001,Itv 4 Newell Posts For Stair2013,Manual,170Hp,Full Bmw Caravan 2 berth abbey case Cost €108 For €20 Tel. Evo M Pack,Blistein Pss9 GLASS COMPUTER DESK lincoln approx 1990 double 693525799 Coilover Suspension, Jbl And Ikea, with sliding keyboard glazed windows hot cold ,Custom Colour Coded Head panel. water shower oven hob fridge Lining,17 Inch M6 Rims,Twin SPORT v.g.c hardly used. 50€ 3m awning waste water bottle Stainless Exhaust,In Extremely *Fibre Glass Dinghy 3 Man tel. 606 540 408 and fresh water container Fits Ib Riif Racj 4Hp Engine Or Good Condition 5750€ Tel. 603142786 needs tlc inside to woodwork Oars €380 Tel. 693525799 where the sun has lifted lami- Breville Slow Cooker 3Ltr New Landrover Freelander 1.8I 5 nate in places bargain €600 €20 Tel. 693525799 Picton 4.5 Sportboat With Door A/C Electrics Alloys fortuna 650 788851 Trailer, Needs Fairing And 3295€ Engine. Oak Veneer Writing Bureau Tel. 634 377 276 Caravan birstner 390tk 650E O.N.O. La Marina Tel: 1930’S - €20 - 650 788851 sportiv 4/5 berth lightweight Range Rover Vogue 3.0 Tdi 666029666 caravan galvanised chasis Fully Lopaded Blue Pearl 27’ Tv-Built In Dvd €40 Tel. only covered 200kms like 16.995€ Set 12 Wood Carving Chisels 693525799 new includes brand new Tel. 634 377 276 €15 Tel. 693525799

awning cassette toilet hot cold water shower fly screens night blinds gas fire fridge €3,495 fortuna 650 788851

Sky Boxes From €30.00 Tel. 650 788851

Ikea Bookcase Light Wood €15 - Fortuna - 650 788851 Ikea Light Wood Dvd Stand €10- Fortuna - 650 788851

Golf Clubs 12 In Bag Dunlop €35 Tel. 693525799

Breaking Opel Corsa 1.2 Most Parts Avail Tel: 633193156 Fortuna

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DIAGNOSTICS CENTRO COMERCIAL - GRAN ALACANT TYRES NEW WORKSHOPS CLUTCHES BATTERIES SERVICING BRAKES PRE-ITV SKILLED TECHNICIANS

Using the LATEST TECHNOLOGY

CAR SALES MERCEDES CLK

€7,500 RENAULT MEGANE

€6,500 AUTOMATIC

CAR WASH

We’ll clean YOUR CAR

KIA PICANTO

BY HAND!

€3,800 FIAT PUNTO

€4,900

VACUUMS &

ed to Everything you ne good make your car as as NEW!

JET WASH

CALL US:

96 666 5201