JACK AND GILL IN 2008
COMPOSED BY DAVE HAMBIDGE
PART NINE (Well, Part Eight, second instalment really) THE VISIT TO JACK’S PARENTS
Neither Gill nor Jack were feeling pucker after eating a dodgy supper. They'd consumed a pile of chicken curry and now were in a desperate hurry to reach the toilet and chuck (as in spewing intestinal contents) and frankly neither cared a fuck. By midday they had the trots as well and were feeling as if they'd gone to hell.
Which is where they were actually due; visiting Jack's parents, Bert and Sue, for the very first time since Jack and Gill became a pair after he was so ill. Jack had gone home on just one morning to collect his bits and pass a warning that Gemma and he were done and that Gill was his intended one.
Jack's news had gone down like a lead balloon, hit the floor, failed to bounce, and soon both father and mother were letting rip, shouting and telling him to get a grip. Gemma was such a lovely creature comely figure and fair of feature with good genes and so full of life, she would make him the most perfect wife. What they meant, as Jack well knew was that Gill was someone who worked in trade, selling shoes. Unlike Gemma, one of the few who had a proper job, with her own assistant, able to respond in an instant to Gemma's requirements, tea or coffee or "just nip down to the offy..." (Standard English slang for off-licence.) Bert and Sue were pretentious snobs! Even though both had working class jobs, they'd aspired for their child to do better earning a living handling files and letters. Not just swanning around, holding live cables off the ground repairing street signs and lights even during the middle of the night!
After swapping anger, abuse and wrath Jack stormed off and returned to T'Both. He was incandescent with righteous rage sitting staring at the same page of the tele mag, until he calmed down enough for Gill to risk a frown and take Jack to The Half-a-Crown and ensure his aggro was drowned. A few months later Jack's folks realised that they had better get on and apologise. They invited Gill and Jack to call by and share a snack for tea on the next Saturday. Gill persuaded Jack to go and play at being a dutiful son with his next of kin on the promise of a jolly good fucking. However on the Friday eve Gill was feeling rather peeved so asked Jack to bring a take-away for them to eat after a disconcerting day. This they did, with a glass or three watching tele, trays on knee. And all was quite well until the morn, when they began to wish they weren't born!
Jack and Gill knew what they had to, find a way to stop visiting the loo! Desperate times brought a reckless resolution a massive dose of corking solution! The jollop had been in the cupboard for yonks but it immediately stopped the runs and pukes. Although they smelt of mouldy egg yolks off they went to meet with his folks.
"Hello," said Bert, "do come in, you look as if you need a gin?" A hefty double slid straight down and soon Jack was playing the clown. The medicine and liquor went to his brain as they all played with his old choo-choo train. But Bert and Sue very soon saw that Gill would become their daughter-in-law.
Jack and his Gill shared a mutual trust That was glaringly obvious and must Indicate to all who beheld A deep love and desire to meld Their lives together For now and ever. (Aah, I surprise myself sometimes!) So, back on the floor at Lou and Lil’s pad Jack now knew that he actually had Survived an episode of being so tidily But now was desperate to go for a widdly! But, try as he might, his legs would not move Each seemed welded into a floor board grove. With a mighty effort he managed a trick, To espy his friends laughing themselves sick.