My Doubts About God

225 Portsmouth University. She had previously studied on an Access Course at Barnfield College in Luton, when I was working at Fareham.

It took us 18 months to sell our house in Luton during which time we were living apart as a family yet again. I felt alone and still suffering from depression even with the medication.

We were eventually able to sell our house in Luton just before my wife began her first year on the degree course at Portsmouth University. We were able then to move into rented accommodation at 8 Queens Grove, Southsea and the children went to St. Jude’s junior school, in old Portsmouth.

My Doubts About God

At this time I began to shut my ear to the Word of God and I allowed temptation to enter my thoughts. We been attending St. Judes Church in Southsea and I felt that I was as Steven Royce had called me, like Mephibosheth - crippled and living in Lo debar. Mephibosheth was a crippled and had been driven out from his rightful place in his father’s kingdom (King Saul) and was living in a place called Lo-debar, a place of dry land and no pastures.

I began to entertain various sinful thoughts and then actions. I found greater arguments and reasons to explain away Gods dealings with me in the past. It could not be denied I had really believed in God and experienced many remarkably deliverances and provisions from God, but now the subtlety was in the form of such thoughts as these:

“How do I know that it is God working and not just the product of misguided interpretation of events? I.e.. Yes, you believed God worked for you and yes your life had been radically change by that belief or faith but surely all you believed could have been just not true - granted it would have effected your life just as it effects other peoples - but believing in something does not actually make it true. You have believed in something just like others and what you believed is not true”. That was the argument and I began to accept it. (Reader - this is a lie from Satan, don’t you believe it also)).

Reader, as you read this I want you to know that as Peter was astonished and all that were with him at the draught of fishes that they had caught when they fished at Jesus’ command, I believe I have written this account at the command of Jesus, and we too will be astonished at the many fishes caught through this testimony of the loving kindness and faithfulness of God to me.

Although I did fall away from God I now recall what Jesus had said to me on the night of my salvation on the 16th January 1970. Jesus said, “David I will never leave you”. And so it will become clear that He does restore and seek the lost and the prodigal sons.

Soon we were attending Titchfield church, but I still felt like the cripple in the New Testament lying beside the water pool at Bethesda. I wanted to be