20.12.2012 | 11:00
Family Affairs (KH)
Icelandic families are very close-knit and are often quite big. Unlike in my native country of Germany, Icelanders count a lot more people to their family. Let’s just look at the terminology. In Icelandic, frænka and frændi refer to a female or male family member respectively. There are other terms for mother, father, sister and brother, but there are no words for niece, uncle or cousin: everybody is either a frænka (female family member) or a frændi (male family member). The degree of kinship doesn’t matter at all. Even someone’s grandfather’s brother's nephew is considered a frændi. And no matter if you are talking about your mother’s sister or a distant cousin three removed, those relatives will still called frænka. Once I went to some family event with my Icelandic boyfriend, and it turned out to be a huge gathering of his grandmother and her eight siblings. Needless to say, all those nine brothers and sisters had brought all of their children and grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. I personally have no idea who my maternal grandmother’s siblings’ children are, nor have I met them or any of their offspring. I might be genetically related to them, but I don’t really count them among my family, but Icelanders do. This extension of family concept results in Icelanders usually being quite confused when it comes to English terminology. My boyfriend always talks about his niece as his “aunt,” for example. A friend of mine often told me how she would go out partying with her uncles, and I thought what an unconventional family she must have. But those uncles turned out to be her cousins of the same age. This whole confusion can be quite amusing at times, especially when one’s niece is only three years old. Now, when I talk to Icelanders about family members, I always make sure to check the degree of relation. Another thing one needs to know about Icelandic society is that there are many patchwork families. Granted, other countries have that too, but it’s still considered as something quite unusual in some places. It is completely normal here to have several step- and half- siblings, step-parents, foster siblings or even stepgrandparents. If only I was paid every time somebody mentioned their half brother or step mom. It all seems to work out fine, though, because families usually stick together through thick and thin. This is certainly the reason why so many young single moms are able to raise their children without a partner because they have strong support from their families. Those moms might be single but not alone. I must say I quite like this concept of close-knit families, that Icelanders don’t differentiate between degrees of kinship but just treat you as a family member no matter how close you are related. You just belong to the clan. When my boyfriend’s three-year-old niece called me her frænka, it melted my heart. It means I am part of this Icelandic family. I think the world would be a much better place if everybody learnt a thing or two from Icelandic families. Going Icelandic won’t hurt! Katharina Hauptmann – katha.hauptmann@gmail.com