17 minute read
You’re Canceled
What you need to know about the current craze
By Melissa Wickes
Over the last few years, “canceling” has come up within the world of celebrities—from the #TaylorSwiftisOverParty to Louis C.K.’s banishment. But what does this really mean? To cancel is to call out a behavior—an offensive remark or an unforgiveable action—and to reject the person responsible through blocking, unfollowing, and even verbally targeting on social media platforms, according to Lizzy Duffy, senior social strategist at Sparkloft Media, a social media creative agency. Unfortunately, cancel culture is no longer just for famous people. It has made its way into classrooms and teen peer groups. And now parents are concerned it’s affecting their kids.
When Kids Cancel When Logan Paul, a 24-year-old YouTuber with 20.2 million subscribers, published a video that included footage of a suicide victim, people banded together to “cancel” him, which in turn pressured not only YouTube but the advertisers and sponsors he worked with to take action against him. Paul was removed from Google’s Preferred, the company’s premier advertising platform, which prevented him from monetizing his YouTube videos. Teens and kids are now applying this practice to their peer groups, Duffy says. While the phrase “you’re canceled” can be a joke between friends, some teens are actually boycotting classmates, and sometimes over a personal opinion. “All the friends I had through middle school completely cut me off,” a high schooler nicknamed “L” told The New York Times. “Ignored me, blocked me on everything, would not look at me.” When L asked a former friend why she had been isolated, she was told she was “a mooch, annoying and petty, and an emotional leech who was thirsty for validation.” When to cancel someone is an arbitrary and personal decision. As Arielle Rokhsar, a junior at The Wheatley School in Old Westbury, explains: “There is no definite line between what actions allow for one to be canceled and for one to be spared, it all depends on how the audience interprets it.” And values are constantly evolving. Ali Bhalloo, Arielle’s classmate, argues the “views that we have today may be considered wrong in the future. Opinions change with time. In my opinion, it is crucial that we cancel cancel culture.”
42 March 2020 | nymetroparents.com Psychological Impact Like bullying, canceling can lead to kids being isolated and ostracized, says Rebecca Sinclair, Ph.D., child and adolescent psychologist and director of psychological services at Brooklyn Minds, a mental health practice with locations in Brooklyn, Manhattan, and Manhasset. “Children and adolescents are much more vulnerable than adults, and isolation can affect depressive moods, anxiety, impulsive behavior, and use of substances.” Plus, cancelation can make individuals afraid to stand up for themselves or voice an opinion, says Alexandra Hamlet, Psy.D., clinical psychologist in the Mood Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute, a nonprofit that helps children and families with mental health and learning disorders. She says that while there are instances when avoidance can be appropriate—such as when someone is racist or harassing—it’s always better to first have a discussion with the individual and help him understand that what was said is not okay. “A question that should be asked is, ‘does the person really deserve the removal of support in such a reactive way for saying one thing that might have been disagreed with?’” Dr. Hamlet says.
The Fine Line A community that unites against someone who has done something unforgivable can be empowering. It can also make kids think twice before posting or announcing potentially offensive views. But there’s a negative too. “It’s balancing this fine line because we want to give our youth and teens the opportunity and power to call [them] out when there are issues in teen behavior,” Dr. Sinclair points out. “The issue is, [cancelation] doesn’t leave opportunity for improvement.” People—especially kids—make mistakes. Kids have not had as many experiences to learn from as adults have. Learning from failures allows adolescents to build up social skills, develop a sense of self, and develop a sense of relationships, Dr. Sinclair says. In 2019, President Barack Obama disparaged the concept of canceling someone in an interview about youth activism. “The world is messy. There are ambiguities,” he said. “People who do really good stuff have flaws. People who you are fighting may love their kids and share certain things with you.”
And kids are often not told they’ve been canceled, or the reason behind it. A confrontation would at least provide them with an opportunity to apologize, learn, and grow, Duffy says. Dr. Sinclair also points out that the confusion caused by social isolation often causes teens to become defensive and cling onto the opinion or belief that led to the cancellation in the first place.
What is the parent’s role? Like any other difficult conversation with your adolescent, it is important to understand where your child is coming from. “Cancel culture might make the parent really uncomfortable and alert them in a hyper-vigilant way, but it is important to hear from the kids what their emotion and experience is, whether it’s worry, sadness, or anger,” Dr. Sinclair says. “There can be a difference between validating a child’s emotion and agreeing with their behaviors. You can validate how frustrated they are and how confused they are without agreeing that canceling someone is the right thing.” Also, as Duffy points out, cancel culture makes it difficult for adolescents to have transparent conversations about things they disagree about, which is an important life skill. Dr. Hamlet suggests parents focus on teaching their child what it means to understand someone else’s point of view and that settling differences doesn’t have to mean blocking someone out of your life or unfollowing them on social media.
Flushing YMCA 138-46 Northern Blvd., Flushing 718-551-9375 Frankie Carlucci, senior director, youth and family ymcanyc.org/locations/flushing-ymca/programs-classes/camps fcarlucci@ymcanyc.org The Flushing YMCA is bigger and better this year! Please join us for an open house on Saturday, March 21 or Saturday, April 18 from 10am-3pm.
Hillcrest Jewish Center Day Camp 183-02 Union Turnpike, Flushing 718-380-4145 hjcdaycamp.org daycamp@hillcrestjc.org “The camp where everybody knows your name” offers an open house every Sunday from 9-11am. Program for ages 4-14. Register online for full or partial season programs.
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Our World Neighborhood Charter School 2 135-25 79th St., Howard Beach 718-392-3405 owncs.org/own2 admissions@owncs.org Visit us to learn about our great school. Tour dates: Monday, March 9 at 2pm, Thursday, March 19 at 4pm, or Saturday, March 28 at 1pm.
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LICE
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The Law Offices of Deborah S. Ball 118-35 Queens Blvd., Suite 1220, Forest Hills 718-520-7754 488 Madison Ave., Suite 1120, Manhattan 212-223-4100 ballnyelderlaw.com With more than 25 years of experience The Law Offices of Deborah S. Ball focuses on elder law issues, matters affecting the developmentally disabled of all ages, and trust and estate planning options including will preparation and estate administration.
Long Island Center for Speech and Myofunctional Therapy Locations across Suffolk and Nassau: East Yaphank, Farmingville, Stony Brook, Commack, Jericho, Wantagh, and Lake Success lispeechandmyo.com Queens: 718-640-6767 Nassau: 516-216-1791 Suffolk: 631-689-6858 Janine Stiene, speech-language pathologist, along with her group of therapists, supports families and children across Long Island, specializing in PROMPT, feeding, myofunctional therapy, voice disorders, fluency, augmentative communication, articulation, auditory processing disorders, and expressive and receptive language disorders.
Lisa Macbeth, Financial Advisor 7 Hanover Square, Suite 800 212-764-6262 x-2820 mobile: 646-726-8332 noalgoldfarb.com/team lisa_macbeth@natfin.net Lisa Macbeth, M.B.A., non-fee financial planner with 20 years of experience in finance and investments-helping individuals, families, and businesses of all income levels develop realistic financial plans to achieve their dreams.
THERAPY & COUNSELORS
Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, P.C. 114-20 Queens Blvd. Suite CS 2, Forest Hills 180 E. 79th St. Suite 1C, Manhattan 1-888-441-0015 comprehendthemind.com Dr. Sanam Hafeez, an expert in diagnosing and treating all childhood psychological and learning conditions, has a refreshing approach; direct, warm, and competent. These qualities have made her sought after in the field of neuropsychology and child development.
TUTORS & TEST PREP
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