Miss. Gender

By Wesley Pastuszko

Excuse me, Miss, IOh, I’m so sorry!

I’m so very sorry!

It’s not what I meant to say! I swear.

I didn’t meanto call youOh, geez! I’m such a Horrible, pitiful, disgusting bug, A burden to humanity, The person you have every right to Kill right now, For insulting you so.

I’m begging for your forgiveness

To comfort me

And make me feel Like I didn’t commit a hate crime!

Of course, we both know I didn’t, but I’m going to keep apologising

In every way I can possibly think of Until I make you wish I had Actually committed one; Just so I’d stop floundering and Making this process even longer than it ever had to be.

I desperately need you to Keep assuring me

And telling me:

“It’s okay,”

“It’s fine,”

“No worries,”

“I promise you it’s nobigdeal.”

I need you to push aside your Discomfort

And console me

For not knowing how to talk to you,

How to approach you, To speak to you, Because I’m afraid!

You’re an alien and I’m afraid you’ll Be angry at me Just for messing up my words. I mean, They’re just words And, like you told me, It’s fine! Not that big of a deal! So stop being so sensitive about it.

Your presence makes me uncomfortable And in order for me to get over this Harrowing experience, it is Necessary that you shrink, Becoming the bug I keep calling myself for Sympathy and pity points. It was just a mistake, and I’m Really, reallysorry this time. I promise, Next time I do this, I’ll be sure to drag on my “Sincerest apologies” for another ten minutes.

You’re a freak and I don’t want you To know that I think that. I don’t want you To know that I only call you “He” because it’ll ruin the Image I have of myself: The perfect human being, The ally, the trans rights Activist.

You know I would never Intentionally missOh, I’m so terribly sorry, Mister-gender you!