Editor's Note

2022

Am I "Over- Parenting?"

Sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s offi ce, I had some time to spare. I like to fi ll in this extra time getting up to speed with health and parenting articles (you would think after three kids, why would I need to read parenting articles, right? Life is constantly changing, plus it’s good to be reminded of when to wean my baby from breastfeeding and to keep up with the trends and times!) I go on reading What to Expect newsletters about baby development; and then my eyes scroll through intriguing mom blogs. A particular article really gauged my interest: “Are You OverParenting?” I blew it off thinking, No, not me. No way do I over-parent, and I’m not a helicopter parent, either. I froze and remembered hovering over my kids’ shoulders. And that time I didn’t back away soon enough to give them the independence they needed. I kept reading. The article explained over-parenting as being excessively involved in the day-to-day life of your kids which can result in shielding them from handling diffi cult situations or succeeding on their own. I learned about all of the different parenting styles these days and how we all fi t a description. Recognizing your style and tweaking it to result in positive parenting techniques is the trick. At the end of the article, there was a fun little parenting “quiz.” If you answered “Yes” to one or more of the questions, then you may need to reevaluate your parenting. Yes, I took the quiz:

• Do you choose your kids’ after school activities? • Do you pick out your kids’ clothes? • Do you answer for your kids when someone asks them a question? • Do you replace broken or missing toys? • When your child forgets a project or homework, do you drive over and drop it off for them? • Do you constantly step in to referee your kids’ fi ghts? • Do you carry your kids’ backpacks for them?

Let’s just say I didn’t pass with fl ying colors, but I realized that over-parenting is a trap we can fall into unintentionally when we're in a hurry or we simply don’t want our kids to feel hurt, loss or disappointment. But unfortunately, they have to. They have to grow and advocate for themselves. It’s one thing to carry something that is obviously too heavy for your 5 year old; it’s another to let him carry his own backpack. It gives them independence and responsibility! The next time you start to jump in to "save" your child, take a step back and let it go. I wanted so badly to teach my then 5-year-old Eva to ride her bike. She refused to lose the training wheels. The day came when she told me she was ready to take them off. I couldn’t believe it. Running up and down the street, holding on tight, she told me to let go; it wasn’t that I didn’t trust she could do it, I just didn’t want her to fall. I closed my eyes and let go. When I opened them, there she was. Doing it all by herself.