Tough Conversations, Life Decisions & Planning Ahead...

By Dana Ryan, Paralegal, Co-Chair, Paralegal Section | Taft Law | ryand@taftlaw.com

AlthoughI am not a “legal” expert on the topic of estate planning and probate, making decisions and having tough conversations about life (and death) choices has been a big part of my life over the past several years. As a child, teenager, and young adult, and even as a grown adult, we often do not think about many topics that will ultimately affect our lives. Whether we choose to acknowledge it, death is a part of all of our lives in one way or another. How we choose to address the topic can make a huge impact on our lives… mentally, physically, and financially.

I decided to write this brief article hoping to help people from a personal perspective rather than a legal standpoint. The information I am providing is solely to offer guidance and encouragement to prepare for and make decisions regarding some difficult and important life events. These are experiences that most of us will go through, but are not typically the part of our lives that any of us like to discuss.

What I have learned over the past several years is the importance of having conversations with our loved ones, family or friends, about what we want in life and death, and what they want in life and death. Having these conversations sooner rather than later can make a BIG difference; and having them early when sickness or tragedy are not involved can make the situation much easier to discuss. Knowing our wishes and conveying those wishes to loved ones can make life less complicated once a difficult, sad, or unexpected event occurs. Once this happens, it becomes even more difficult to talk about… and often, it is never discussed. After this happens, many “what ifs” can be overwhelming and then life becomes stressful on top of dealing with grief and sadness.

Planning ahead by preparing a Will or Trust can be so important. Having your wishes known and documented can put you at ease now and your loved ones at ease later. Having beneficiaries listed on your accounts (banking, insurance etc.) can make an unbearable event more simplified and less stressful. These are things that I learned, both good and bad, but I certainly learned the significance in doing so. Also important is naming a power of attorney, an executor or trustee. There may be bumps along the way when preparing these documents, but making your wishes known will undoubtedly make the process much smoother for everyone involved. Do not feel guilt or obligation over something or someone you did or did not include. These are your choices. The process is meant to reduce stress and worry and make life a little less complicated. I cannot promise that there will not be some obstacles, disappointment or conflict but I can promise you some peace of mind knowing you did what you could to be prepared. I was once told by a very smart and wise man, make the decisions, and then let it go… Although that is much easier said than done.

Find someone you trust and respect and who will honor your wishes. Find someone who will guide and support you and that will answer ALL your questions when preparing your documents. Find someone who will be diligent in executing and following through until completion. Be persistent and stay on top of things. Do not take anything for granted and do not assume. These are YOUR wishes; your documents; and this is your life. Make sure you are being heard.

Have conversations NOW with your parents, spouse, significant others, children, siblings, relatives, friends, or anyone who may be affected by your choices and decisions. Talk openly and honestly about what you want and what they want... It may sound odd, but try to make the conversation light-hearted and simple. Although there is nothing simple about the topic of life and death, having to handle things “after the fact” is never simple.

Time goes by fast. We all too often say, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” Make a point and do it today. Have Conversations. Make Decisions. Plan Ahead…. Then, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST and remember, “let it go.”

In memory of my dad…

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