5 minute read
COULD YOUR FIERY, EXPLOSIVE AND STRONG-WILLED CHILD BE A HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON (HSP)?
BY ALITA BLANCHARD, PARENT COACH
If you sometimes label your child as defiant, challenging, explosive and aggressive, you may have a child who falls into the 20–30% of humans known as a “highly sensitive person” (HSP).
These kids are also sometimes called strong willed, spirited, spicy, fiery and/or deeply feeling. They can often have tricky, challenging and baffling behaviours.
WHAT IS HSP?
Scientifically known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity, HSP is not a disorder but a unique personality trait. Unfortunately, it is often mislabeled with mental health issues and diagnoses, leading to a lack of understanding and appropriate support.
THE MAIN CHARACTERISTICS OF HSP (D.O.E.S)
Depth of Processing
HSPs have a more reactive brain, processing information deeply
Parts of their brain are highly active around emotional content
They can become deeply involved in projects and research.
Example: A highly sensitive child may spend an extended amount of time reflecting on a sad event, expressing deep emotions and empathy for the characters involved.
Fast meltdowns can occur due to overstimulation.
Example: In a noisy and crowded play area, a highly sensitive child might become overwhelmed, leading to heightened anxiety, withdrawal, or even a sudden meltdown.
Emotional Reactivity and Empathy
HSPs exhibit strong emotional reactions
They can feel the energy of others easily
Empathy extends beyond human interactions to animals and the planet
They love deep relationships, but this doesn’t always translate to empathy towards siblings as they can find their siblings overstimulating
Downtime alone is crucial for emotional wellbeing.
Example: When a friend or family member is upset, a highly sensitive child may visibly absorb and reflect that emotion, showing strong empathy or dysregulation.
Stimuli Sensitivity
HSPs notice the little things in their environment
They are sensitive to lighting, physical touch, clothing, environment, noise, vision, movement, atmosphere, and beauty.
Example: A highly sensitive child might notice subtle changes in the environment, such as a flickering light, the sound of a fan, or a specific scent, and react strongly to these stimuli, possibly becoming agitated or seeking solace.
WHAT HELPS THESE HIGHLY SENSITIVE KIDS?
Embrace them – just as they are!!
Patience (your growth in self regulation is KEY!)
Compassion
See their gifts
Incentives (used wisely)
Working on YOUR triggers
Surrender
Flexibility
Embracing the wild beauty of them
Doing your own shame work
Teach them how to be good friends instead of bossy friends
Talk about tone and language
Trust that they will grow (It takes 25 – 30 years for a child’s brain to fully develop!!)
Remind them of their goodness (they really need to hear it!) – say things like:
– “You’re a good kid, having a hard time”
– “You are always loveable”
– “You belong here”
– “I’ll keep learning how to support you AND me”
HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR HIGHLY SENSITIVE CHILD
Build Your Awareness
Research “highly sensitive people”, do the free test online on www.hsperson. com – for your child and yourself. Listen to podcasts, read articles, access support.
Learn to listen to strong emotions and regulate yourself
HSP children (and adults) can have very strong emotions and, as such, parents can end up yelling and shaming these kids a lot because they are so triggering. Create a space to listen and support your child, no matter how seemingly small their pain may be. Reach out for support with a therapist who understands HSP traits or a parent coach if you need to deepen your listening skills and ability to regulate.
Create a sensory and regulating lifestyle
Learn about your child’s needs, sensitivities, comforts and triggers when it comes to the senses such as touch, sound, vision, taste, clothing, movement. HSP kids may need extra movement and like swinging, rocking, jumping, swimming to help them regulate. Establish routines and rituals that provide stability. Structure your family life in a way that accommodates the needs of an HSP child – this may include slowing down, less activities, less socials and simple, short holidays or breaks away as travelling and holidays generally can be hard.
When Your Child Has Meltdowns
Once meltdowns start, there is limited intervention possible, and the best approach is to hold space and co–regulate i.e., You must learn to “ride the storm” of the meltdown.
Do NOT punish, yell or scream as this will increase their fear and dysregulation
Reduce stimulation – low lights. Low sounds, simple space, less sensory overwhelm
Remove task demands – e.g., activities, jobs, chores
Slow pace. Voice quiet. Prosody of voice. Minimal or no talking. (This builds trust and safety)
Slow your breath. Heart–focused breathing. “This is my most important work today”
Physical touch, hugs, massage, back rub, slow firm deep pressure, hug and release (some kids will find touch dysregulating)
Total quiet. Dark room, minimal sensory is fine if that is what a child prefers. Check on them or stay outside door
Clear the space to make it less overwhelming – simplify their room, tent, less toys, soft pillows, sensory blankets and cuddly toys
Soft music, play list, headphones may help some kids.
Embracing and supporting highly sensitive children involves a holistic understanding of their unique characteristics. By advocating for their needs, educating yourself, and creating a nurturing environment, you can empower your highly sensitive child to navigate the world with confidence and thrive in their own beautiful way.
IMPORTANT – There can be some overlap in the traits of HSP individuals and other neurodivergent traits connected to ADHD, autism, sensory processing disorder, giftedness and anxiety. Please speak to your GP/child healthcare professional if you are concerned.
Visit www.theawaremama.com.au and sign up to Aware Mama news to a free eBook on Radical Self Care tips.
Instagram: @alitablanchard_
Alita Blanchard – The Aware Mama Based on the NSW Central Coast, Alita is a mother of 4 boys and is a trauma informed Parent Coach, Rites of Passage facilitator, Holistic Counseller (training) and Somatic Emotional Release practitioner. She provides online parenting support and education 1:1, group programs and occasional in person events in NSW.
