14 minute read
Matters of life & love
and rages’. As such, both parents need to approach their differences with a curiosity and a care to understand, not, a judgement and a need to be right approach.
Rather than being in conflict, couples can become a unified parental team and combine each other’s different capacities, once they begin to appreciate and understand the different foundations of their family beliefs and values system. When we engage in this exploration it can lead to a personal reflection to decide together whether you want to keep to your inherited ways or develop a different approach, together, based on committing to a shared value system.
In Gottman Couple Therapy, we call this uncovering the ‘dream within conflict’. What are the feelings and beliefs that hold someone strong to a position on an issue? What is the dream behind their position, or the story of the source of the dream or belief? Where does this deeply held belief come from?
Humans will fight for their values. We will fight for our dreams. And sometimes, they are so hidden, unspoken and without language, we will fight for them and not even know it. And as partners/parents, we can find ourselves unknowingly, unwittingly, crushing each other’s dreams when we think we are fighting about something else.
Some questions to ask can be: “tell me why this is so important to you?” or “is there a story behind this for you? or does this relate to your background or childhood history in some way?”, or “what is your ideal dream here?”. Soon you might realise that you are not fighting about disciplining children differently, but you are in the presence of deep personal values/dreams such as freedom, safety, being true to yourself, getting over past wounds or being worthy of love.
Maybe a boy’s experience of his dad’s tough love kept him safe, protected and disciplined (all good things) but it came at the cost of being scared of his dad, losing respect for him and rebelling, and ending up not in close relationship. Now that boy, as an adult father, may find himself replicating his dad’s style but it is affecting his closeness to his own son and causing conflict with his wife. We can’t change our childhood, but we do get a choice about how we parent. We can break patterns and learn new skills. It is about knowing what you value, holding onto the right dream for the future you want.
Sharing values and the same goals but having different approaches to express and create experiences in pursuit of the same bigger picture, is OK. Try not to force your way as the only way. Both of you can be right.
Much love Sarah x
Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love: Sarah is a marriage therapist, life & love and relationship coach, end–of–life consultant, an independent and bespoke funeral director and holistic celebrant. She provides holistic care, mentoring, guidance, healing and transformation for individuals, couples and families at their most important times of life & love – at end–of–life, in love & relationship, and in ritual and celebration. Sarah has a relationship online course for couples called “Creating a Miracle Marriage” and a free resource and video series for families facing dying, death and grief called “Landscapes of Life & Love and Loss”. To find out more, visit www.sarahtolmie.com.au.
All aboard our Jungle Safari
What if your child’s first experience at a hospital could be a positive one?
It can be at Brisbane Waters Private Hospital with all our Jungle Safari experience which begins at admission and continues throughout for our littlest patients.
Upon arrival our pint size patients will be equipped with a safari hat, binnoculars, jeep and backpack before embarking on an animal spotting tour at admission, complete with map. It doesn’t end there with jungle themed food menu, animal decorated bed and bravery awards.
We make their first clinical experience a memorable and fun one for all the right reasons. Find out more at: www.brisbanewatersprivate.com.au/patients/caring-for-kids.
21 Vidler Ave, Woy Woy NSW 2256 T: 4341 9522 / brisbanewatersprivate.com.au
Central Coast Kids in Need
Retired nurse Lorraine Churchill is one of the finalists of Westfields Local Heroes that recognizes the important contribution made to the community by locals, which is to be announced on 12th October. Through Central Coast Kids in Need, Lorraine has dedicated the past 16 years to providing financial help to families with premature newborns or children who need hospital care in both Sydney and Newcastle.
As Lorraine tells it, Central Coast Kids in Need is a small volunteer group of 18 members, that gets no government assistance and is a not for profit organization that has no paid employees. Central Coast Kids In Need fundraises to assist local families of seriously ill children and children with disabilities, with their accommodation costs so that families can stay with their children whilst they undergo specialised treatment in both Sydney and Newcastle hospitals. We also assist with high cost prescription items, specialised formula’s, quality of life equipment and travel expenses.
A large proportion of the children are cancer patients, premature babies with life threatening health issues, bone marrow transplants, organ transplants, spina bifida, cystic fibrosis, Autism and ADHD, as well as children with disabilities.
Central Coast Kids in Need has been established for 28 years and initially only had 3 hospitals on our books, Westmead Children’s Hospital, Sydney Children’s Hospital Randwick and John Hunter. Though over the past year we have had numerous premature babies airlifted to Royal North Shore and Royal Hospital for Women Sydney, as occasionally we have to go to wherever there is a NICU bed available, as hospitals in our area are not able deal with premature babies less than 31 weeks.
Some children are in the hospital for months on end and this can put an enormous financial strain on families as they go from 2 salaries down to 1, with mum having to stay with their sick child and dad trying to work and visit whenever possible. Central Coast Kids in Need pays travel costs for these trips and subsequent visits after the child has been released from hospital, if there is a need for them to attend clinics for treatment.
We rely on Social Workers to introduce families to our organization and we don’t means test our families as they still have every day living expenses such as mortgages, rates, insurances and utility bills to pay.
Over the past 16 years Central Coast Kids in Need has outlaid in excess of $4.02 million and assisted in excess of 3256 families.
Last financial year we helped 309 families, paying out $321,553 in assistance. Already this financial year we have 151 families on our books and have paid out $55,124.
Central Coast Kids in Need raises funds through donation houses in local businesses, recycling cans and scrap metals. We also run an annual raffle held in conjunction with The Adam (Molch) Hillier Surf Classic held on the October Long Weekend as well as charity days run by various organisations with our assistance. Unfortunately due to Covid these events haven’t been able to go ahead so we are dramatically down on funds and do not qualify for Government Stimulus Assistance as we are all volunteers.
We do however apply for Grants from the Club’s NSW CDSE Grant Scheme, philanthropic trusts and foundations, along with the generosity of the local community.
It’s with these grants and donations, along with the community spirit and generosity of the people on the Central Coast that allows us to do what we do and keeps us keeping on.
We endeavour to continue this fundraising to keep our families together during their time of crisis, we strive to make these children’s lives as happy as we can, as nothing is more important in our lives than our kids.
To our knowledge we are the only volunteer group of our kind in NSW.
Should you require any further information or wish to donate, call Lorraine on 0428 326 284 or email lorraine@cckin.com.au
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YES YESYES YES YES
Paper, cartons Paper, cartons and cardboard Paper, cartons and cardboard Paper, cartons and cardboard Paper, cartons and cardboard and cardboard
Plastic bottles and containers Plastic bottles and containers Plastic bottles and containers Plastic bottles and containers Plastic bottles and containers
Metal food, drink and spray cans Metal food, drink and spray cans Metal food, drink and spray cans Metal food, drink and spray cans Metal food, drink and spray cans
Glass bottles and jars TOP TIPS
Glass bottles and jars TOP TIPS
Glass bottles and jars TOP TIPS
Glass bottles and jars TOP TIPS
Glass bottles and jars TOP TIPS
Make sure recycling is empty and rinsed. Remove lids and place in bin separately. Don’t squash bottles, cans or containers. Flatten boxes and paper. Make sure recycling is empty and rinsed. Remove lids and place in bin separately. Don’t squash bottles, cans or containers. Flatten boxes and paper. Make sure recycling is empty and rinsed. Remove lids and place in bin separately. Don’t squash bottles, cans or containers. Flatten boxes and paper. Make sure recycling is empty and rinsed. Remove lids and place in bin separately. Don’t squash bottles, cans or containers. Flatten boxes and paper. Make sure recycling is empty and rinsed. Remove lids and place in bin separately. Don’t squash bottles, cans or containers. Flatten boxes and paper.
Paper cups, long life Paper cups, long life cartons and meat trays Paper cups, long life cartons and meat trays Paper cups, long life cartons and meat trays Paper cups, long life cartons and meat trays cartons and meat trays
NONONO NONO
Plastic bags Plastic bags and wrappers Plastic bags and wrappers Plastic bags and wrappers Plastic bags and wrappers and wrappers Crockery, drinking glasses and Pyrex glasses and Pyrex Crockery, drinking glasses and Pyrex glasses and Pyrex Crockery, drinking glasses and Pyrex glasses and Pyrex Crockery, drinking glasses and Pyrex glasses and Pyrex Crockery, drinking glasses and Pyrex glasses and Pyrex Clothing and linen Clothing and linenClothing and linen Clothing and linenClothing and linen
Unwanted or broken items Unwanted or broken items Unwanted or broken items Unwanted or broken items Unwanted or broken items Shredded paper, tissues and paper towel Shredded paper, tissues and paper towel Shredded paper, tissues and paper towel Shredded paper, tissues and paper towel Shredded paper, tissues and paper towel
PolystyrenePolystyrenePolystyrene PolystyrenePolystyrene
NO PLASTIC BAGS! Any plastic bag, full or empty, is sent to landfill. NO PLASTIC BAGS! Any plastic bag, full or empty, is sent to landfill. NO PLASTIC BAGS! Any plastic bag, full or empty, is sent to landfill. NO PLASTIC BAGS! Any plastic bag, full or empty, is sent to landfill. NO PLASTIC BAGS! Any plastic bag, full or empty, is sent to landfill.
Soft plastics can be recycled through Household your local Redcycle Bin Batteries & Light Globes can found at the front of most be dropped off at Central supermarkets. Coast Council Libraries for recycling.
Household Soft plastics can be recycled through your local Redcycle Bin found at the front of most Batteries & Light Globes can be dropped off at Central Coast Council Libraries for recycling. supermarkets.
1coast.com.au 1300 126 278 1coast.com.au 1300 126 278 1coast.com.au 1300 126 278 1coast.com.au 1300 126 278 1coast.com.au 1300 126 278
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ALPINE Everesting
Alpine Everesting is an upcoming fundraising event established by Central Coast GP, Dr Elly Warren, and her elite triathlete friend, Bec Hoschke, who met on a Tour de Cure charity ride last year raising money for cancer. Tour de Cure raises $7–12M a year for Australian cancer research, prevention and support services. Elly and Bec discovered they share the same birthday as well as a passion for community and a strong determination to address social inequality.
Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people are 40% more likely to die from cancer than other Australians. Cancer screening rates are lower, leading to more advanced disease at diagnosis and poorer treatment outcomes. Cancer risk factors like smoking and obesity are more prevalent too, causing cancers that would otherwise be preventable with healthy diet and lifestyle changes. Barriers to cancer care relate to social disadvantage, lack of access to transport, financial strain, low health literacy, and a range of other cultural, political and health care system factors.
In January 2022, Elly and Bec are targeting the cancer gap for Aboriginal families through their Alpine Everesting challenge with Tour de Cure. They hope to raise enough money to fund an Aboriginal Health Worker Cancer Navigator position to provide cultural support, health education and guide people with cancer through treatment. This is an amazing and unique opportunity to directly benefit Aboriginal people with cancer on the Central Coast.
Elly and Bec have assembled a group of 30 incredible athletes from across Australia to complete an Everesting Roam challenge, including more than 20 women, 5 of which are from the Central Coast. Only 27 women in the world have ever completed an Everesting Roam. Every rider will raise a minimum $1000 for the project. They will cycle 500km in 36 hours in Bright, Victoria (or in their own local government areas if borders are still closed due to Covid). Everesting challenges have become popular during the Covid pandemic while other endurance cycling events have been cancelled or postponed. Riders can choose a route that suits them if it satisfies the Everesting rules: minimum 400km within 36 hours, 10000m vertical, sleep allowed.
A special artwork has been created by local Aboriginal artist, Jodi Shannon, in honour of her nephew Beau, who died from cancer aged 5yo. The riders will wear a cycling kit designed using the painting. Beach towels, stainless steel water bottles and swimming costumes will be customed from the artwork for purchase before Christmas to aid the fundraising.
Yerin Eleanor Duncan Aboriginal Health Centre and Dr Elly will also run a Get Active for Cancer challenge, inspiring the local Darkinjung community to exercise and improve the lifestyle factors that lead to poor cancer outcomes. The Darkinjung community and Alpine Everesting riders are working together for the greater cause, inspiring true collaboration and raising awareness about cancer in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people.
Dr Elly rides with Tour de Cure in her helmet painted by Aboriginal artist, Jodi Shannon, who has also created a special artwork for the Alpine Everesting event in January Pictured: Dr Elly and the team at Yerin Eleanor Duncan Aboriginal Health Centre
Help them reach their $50,000 goal by donating at www.alpineeveresting.com.au
Follow Dr Elly, Bec and their team of Alpine Everesters as they train for this epic adventure on Instagram and Facebook @alpineeveresting Dr Elly Warren works at Yerin Eleanor Duncan Aboriginal Health Centre and Your Family Doctors at Erina. Read her ‘What should I know about cancer?’ blog on Instagram @drelly_warren and follow her Tour de Cure journey on Facebook @drellystdc
