Sharing the Message July / August 2016
The Ozark Area Newsletter Vol. 5
ozarkasc.com
Message from the PR Subcommittee! If you have any artwork, poems, events or birthdays that you would like to submit for the upcoming newsletter, or subscribe to receive this bi-monthly newsletter please let us know by contacting us at: ozarkareanewsletter@gmail.com
The Eight Step for me is about justice, freedom, honesty, and keeping my side of the street clean. As I make my list, here’s where brutal honesty has to come into play. When I come against the faceless and nameless, I must find a way to add them to my list. That includes pharmacies, institutions, stores, banks; anywhere that I practiced dishonesty. I need to add myself to this list, including family, friends, employees and employers. No one step is gonna take care of every amends I need to make. My list will shorten and lengthen as I live life on life’s terms. This is where sponsorship takes on the importance of another addict. This step is about others, but it’s about me. Anonymous
PLEASE NOTE: The opinions expressed herein
are those of the individual contributor, and not the opinions of the Narcotics Anonymous as a whole. The Handbook for Narcotics Anonymous states that: “The 12 Traditions of NA should serve as the basic guidelines for editing your newsletter… the language of NA recovery should be used.” This newsletter will be examined by our Public Relations Subcommittee before it is distributed to ensure we are keeping in line with our traditions. We welcome any feedback in accordance with our traditions. Please indicate if you would like that feedback published.
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Basic Text Quote! We Came to Realize That We Had No Power To Change The Outside World, We Could Only Change Ourselves (Pg. 101, 6th Edition)
Clean date: 6-20-13 Home Group: Fifth Tradition Favorite NA Slogan: NEC SOLUS, NEC ULTRA (NEVER ALONE, NEVER AGAIN)
God I’m tired of starting over is what I told myself repeatedly in the days leading up to my move from Nevada to Joplin. Once again, I was having to uproot my life to try and get ahead of the system and to keep from going back to prison. Because you know, quitting drugs wasn’t an option. It was an endless cycle that I thought would never end. I was used to the starting over, because that was my life. As a child I had been shuffled through the system in order to escape physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual abuse. Yet every home I was sent to, I was confronted with those same issues. I was stabilized somewhat for about four years during that time, but that was the biggest break I was going to catch. Then back into the cycle, and even when I was finally adopted at ten years old, the abuse didn’t stop. When I was sixteen, I left home and lived from place to place. I found finance and worth in prostitution, and I found solace in a needle. At one point, I found a father figure and called him my husband. The words “money can’t buy happiness” never rang so true. I sold my soul for hit after hit, until it all came crashing down. He was on his death bed, and I was in a basement being raped. I was alone. I was always alone. I couldn’t understand in my life why I had to live it alone and feel all these feelings, and never had a soul to reach out to. After my predator partner passed, I figured I could regain my footing and move back to my hometown. But the chaos ensued and my addiction won again. Only this time, I wasn’t able to run from the consequences, and ended up on probation. Off to rehab I go, and then recovery house, rinse and repeat. It seemed like those six years of my life were spent practicing insanity with rehabs and recovery houses. At one point, I was dating a woman and we were expecting kids, because that’s what normal looked like, until we broke up and she claimed to have had an abortion. The devastation of that loss sent me in to a tail spin and I returned home in full force. At one very low point, I decided the world would be a better place without me, so I got a shotgun and pulled the trigger. Of course being so messed up I never imagined I would have missed and blown a hole straight through my cheek. After that incident, I received a few more violations, and ended up in prison a few times, where I was sexually assaulted again, multiple times actually. The third time I was released, I began the cycle of recovery houses again, and was kicked out of one, and landed back home. But the decision was different. This time instead of staying stuck I figured I would get ahead of the system and move to another recovery house before being told by my parole officer, that would totally land me some brownie points. Anyway off to Joplin I go. I have been here for going three and half years now, and I have been clean for over 3 of those. I never wanted to put in the footwork before, but I figured this time it couldn’t hurt. I mean I had proven that nothing else would work and no one else was going to do it for me. So here I am. I have done some pretty incredible stuff, and got to meet some pretty influential people; none that compare to the people and personalities I have met in the rooms. But most of all, through Narcotics Anonymous, I have found that whatever I go through, I don’t have to do it alone. For me that’s huge because I never knew what that was like. Of course it’s a lot of hard work and the steps are tedious and the growth process can be painful. But all in all, It’s totally worth it. I am not sure where I would be, but I am positive I am grateful I am not there, and even more grateful that this is where I am today. Here in Joplin Missouri, Narcotics Anonymous, In Loving service, Jackie L.
Step 9 We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Because I have a God in my life, I have a spiritual foundation that allows me to face this step with a lot less fear than I did with previous steps. The spiritual principle that goes along with this step is FREEDOM. Step Nine is a “clean up” step. It takes the information about those we have harmed and starts us on a journey of amends. We usually face this step with some trepidation, however, with the guidance of our sponsor, we can find the correct ways to make amends and understand the process. My sponsor is vital to my process because I needed someone to help me face my fears, and understand the things that may or can happen in an amends. When we start the amends process, we find we may have those in our lives that are so grateful we are clean that they tell us “Stay Clean! That is how you can make your amends to me!” and others who say, “Don’t ever talk to me again!” Either way, we learn where we stand with those we harmed, and we feel the feelings of their reaction. Those feelings help us to stop repeating behaviors that hurt others, whether acceptance or rejection. Your sponsor may suggest who to start with in the amends process, however I have heard many addicts in meetings share that people just suddenly “pop up” and they make the amends. This happened to me just about every time I worked this step. I tried to start with the person my sponsor suggested the first time, but it didn’t happen that way. Since then, having the experience of allowing it to happen, and doing what I can to make amends on purpose as well, has been a great combination, and worked well for me in my process. Some of us may have people we are not sure if we owe an amends or not. I had a cousin that I didn’t get along with very well, and I just avoided her when we were kids. I struggled with whether or not I owed an amends to her, and realized that in some way, I may, since I felt I owed every person I ever looked at an amends! I wasn’t ever sure how I would make it, and it stayed on my 8th Step list for about 4 rounds of steps. The day came I went to see her mother with my mother (sisters) and found out she had been arrested and was court ordered to go to meetings. Long story short, my aunt asked me if I would talk to her. I gave my aunt my personal cell number and told her I would, despite the feelings of dislike and resentment I had for her. I became willing to help. One addict helping another’s therapeutic value was a relief. I walked out of my aunt’s home, realizing that giving her that number to give to my cousin was an amends. It helped me release the resentment I had towards her, and it helped repair my relationship with my mother. I hope to see her in the rooms someday! Step Nine gives us a freedom we had not previously experienced. We no longer have to worry about running into someone we harmed. We can now face them, make the amends, and always know we did the right thing, no matter their response. This gives us a new level of the freedom we have sought, some of us in our addiction, and all of us through the steps. I remember an individual who made amends to their grandmother. This grandmother wasn’t very nice. She was a very selfish and angry person. When they made their amends, they asked HER what SHE wanted them to do to make up for all the harm they had caused. She said she wanted them to come once a week and visit on Sundays. This didn’t seem like too big of a deal. However, they were unable to keep this commitment, and admitted the visits were horrible. With the help of our sponsor we can structure our own amends. We can visit grandma once a month, not every week. Personally, I have struggled the most with financial amends. I am presently taking a class that is helping me with how to view and feel about my finances, and how to not feel like going without some of my favorite luxuries will not kill me! I love being able to pay things forward for the financial amends that I can never pay back to someone. Some people are dead. Some people, it could cause me harm or them harm if I did. I am not going to pay back the dope man I stole from!
I can buy an addict a cup of coffee and I enjoying helping an addict with my talents and time. We cannot put a check in a coffin! An addict I know stole some money from someone, and in order to not be arrested for the theft, they began anonymously putting an envelope in the mailbox every month with some money in it. They were caught doing this, arrested for the theft, and spent 18 months in prison. This is why we need a sponsor to help us! This is a perfect example of “Except when to do so would injure them or others”. The interesting thing was that when he got out of prison he told me, “It was God’s will that I was in there.” I believe Step Nine is a step that is ongoing, Once I understand the process and experience the feelings and the spiritual freedom from this step, the fear is lessened and the ability to make amends gets easier. I get to see past the mistakes I made, the harm I caused and feel that the door to a future with less fear and more love is now possible. This gets better with every set of steps for me! I do have to remember, that I caused people harm since I got clean. I made an amends once to another recovering addict, and I was pretty sure they would do the same to me, however they did not. At first I was upset about it, but then my sponsor reminded me that this process of amends is for me! It feels good today to know that I have not repeated that harmful behavior since I had to make amends for it to someone in recovery! Step Nine gives us freedom to move on to Step 10, which helps us maintain freedom in our lives! Read about Step Nine in the Just for Today book, August 25th. I love NA, the process and all I have been given as a result of working steps in my life! In grateful Service. Shelly W. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
We are never forced into relapse. We are given a choice. Relapse is never an accident. relapse is a sign that we have reservations in our program. We begin to slight our program and leave loopholes in our daily lives, sooner or later we fall into the illusion that drugs will make life easier. We believe that the drugs will change us, but when we forget that those changes can be deadly, that is when we get into trouble. Our ability to remain open-minded disappears. We resort back to our sickest behavior patterns without even having to use drugs. As a lot of people in the program can relate to, a relapse does not always have to involve drugs or alcohol, it can be a relapse of spending money, shopping, gambling, sex or any behavior that is self-destructive in our lives. Recovery is also something that is never forced, although when we accept the fact that if we want to accept that there is a problem, that is the first step for recovery. All people recover at different levels. Whoever chooses a recovery program has a chance for a better way of life. SUBMITTED BY SANDEE A.
May & June Anniversaries Against All Odds Sonia M. – 1 yr Amberlea M. – 2 yr Kristy C. – 4 yrs Delphia G. – 5 yrs Mike B. – 8 yrs Craig C. – 12 yrs Karen H. – 28 yrs
Dawn S. – 1 yr Jody B. – 3 yrs Robert S. – 4 yrs Donald B. – 8rs Chris M. – 9 yrs Neil D. – 26 yrs
For everyone that contributed to this newsletter. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, strength and hope with us. Your words inspire and encourage the readers as they continue on this journey we call “Recovery!” PR SUBCOMMITTEE
But Do It Sarah P. – 1 yrs
Mark J. – 14 yrs
Fifth Tradition Tony N. 3 yrs
Native American James S. – 3 yrs
Miracles Mana R. – 3 yrs
Point of Turning BJ – 1 yr
Jeff – 3 yrs
Spiritual Principles Kelly S. – 8 yrs
Steve D. – 21 yrs
We Do Recover Mikey – 1 yr Stan N. – 1 yr Anita P. – 3 yrs Misty H. – 6 yrs
Kelly H – 1 yr Patricia W. – 1 yr Jackie L. – 3 yrs
TOTAL CLEAN TIME IS:
184 years!
Ozark Area NA 37th Annual High On Life Picnic, August 12-14, 2016 Roaring River State Park – Camp Smokey
Ozark Area Service Committee Meeting, August 21, 2016, 1331 Wall Subcommittees begin at noon.
SMRCNA, August 26-28, 2016, Jefferson City, MO
Together We Can – 1st Annual Chili Cook Off, September 3, 5-9 pm, Nevada, MO
Campvention, September 9-11, 2016, Lake of the Ozarks
FORGIVENESS
focusmagazine.org
Forgiveness is such a fickle thing. I have always viewed myself as a very forgiving person, before I got clean anyway. In my past it didn’t really matter how anyone hurt me. I “forgave” them, and would continue to associate with them. Even my mom that had done so many unspeakable things to me - I was able to “forgive” without batting an eye. In fact, I even went as far as blaming myself for the horrible things in my past. I deserved every bit of it, or so I thought. It wasn’t until I got clean that I realized I actually resented everyone and everything, and the fact that I was able to be so quote, unquote, forgiving of others is because I was too busy blaming myself. I was never very good at differentiating between my faults and the faults of others. Through the step work, I was able to see what parts I owned and what parts had nothing to do with me. Also through the step work I started to understand the struggle of others and was able to take certain people off of the pedestals, that I had unknowingly placed them on. It was through this understanding that I was able to forgive others. Then came the hard work, forgiving myself. So I set out and put in the footwork, and by that I mean my amends. There’s something about having to look a person in the eye and admit you did them wrong that is a very humbling and empowering experience all at the same time. During the process, I learned how to stand up for myself. I found my voice. I learned how to fake my confidence until it became real, and I was able to gain some self-respect. It took all of these things to help me see that I was not the demon that I had always imagined myself. I was simply a lost man that had had a few missteps. All of the guilt and shame lessened and I realized that I had done everything I could to make it right with others, and now it was time to make it right with me. I realize that I have worked hard to be different and that I am different, and that speaks volumes to the depths of a person’s soul. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that I forget what I or others have done, I would be a fool if I did. But that’s where I get the benefit of two rewards. Forgiveness gives me inner peace, and remembering gives me a life lesson. It’s a win, win in my book. Jackie P.
Amends
My name is Sarah and I am an addict. I just recently went over my 8th step with my sponsor, and am in the process of making amends to the people I have harmed. Through working the steps of Narcotics Anonymous, I have come to learn that making amends means changing my behavior, not just saying I am sorry. A lot of the people I am making amends to have heard me say that I was sorry in the past and then watched me continue to act out on the same behaviors continuing to cause more pain and heartache to anyone in the path of my active addiction. The words I am sorry no longer held any value coming from me. I blogs.psychcentral.com was at a meeting the other night and the topic was the abuse we caused others in the fourth step, I heard another addict share on how he was still causing harm to others even with some clean time and while working the program of NA. I admired the courage it took for that addict to openly share that in a meeting because I myself had been battling inside myself over that very thing. Some days I can be a rage-filled, hateful human being and it comes out towards the people I love most, one in particular. When I open my mouth and this monster comes out, it really makes me question what kind of recovery I have. And how can I make amends to someone when I am still causing them harm? The answer for me is that today the program has given me awareness. Today when I harm another person it is a choice that I am making and when I find myself doing that, I promptly make an amends. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress and I am far better today than I was when I started this journey. A lot of my amends are to people I used and lied to during my active addiction. I am finding on this journey to freedom that these people don't want money from me. They don't hate me or hold any grudges. They simply want me to stay clean and keep doing what I am doing. So I am finding that making amends sometimes is as simple as going to meetings and working steps. I really wanted to procrastinate on this step. Some of the amends I need to make - make me extremely uncomfortable, but as I allow this program to work in my life, I can see how making amends to these people is helping my grow as a person and relieving a lot of baggage I have carried for way longer than I needed too. Each amends I make is like letting go of a burden, a weight being lifted off my soul. With each amends, I come a step closer to freedom.
Feelings are sometimes great, sometimes simple, sometimes painful, even paralyzing in the moment, and sometimes without definition. Feelings will not kill me- Getting loaded will! Gratitude emerges from the strangest of places, like a shadow after a rainstorm; the lesson often arrives hidden within the storm or behind the clouds. Never forget the light is always in the heart of the humble. My ego loves to get my feet wet. Pride keeps them wet as I shiver when the snow begins to fall. The key to staying warm is humility. Never underestimate the power of my desire to reach for the stars. I am usually the only person surprised by my success. If the world feels like it has stopped turning, it is probably time to take a few deep breaths and touch the ground so God can get through to my heart. The program is the black part of the book, my opinion is the white part, and even if I am not paying attention, hope is found in between. My brothers and sisters in recovery may let me down and I them. The program is proven, it will not. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing; breathtaking miracles may take time, yet come easier with acceptance. My progress usually shines when I am not paying attention. The purity of my progress lies within the person I am when no one is looking. Intuition is that place between the bottom of my heart and core of my gut. Serenity is what happens when my mind catches up. If ever I may doubt my Higher Power's ability to perform miracles of magical proportion, my sights are set in the wrong direction, my motives are displaced or impure, and once again I am talking when it behooves me to listen. And finally, recovery holds gifts far greater than human measure. As we spread our wings towards new horizons, each of us a miracle. Together as a flock, we will soar never finding an impossible feat. For, along this journey the only path that may defeat us is the one traveled alone. S. Templin (Western Wayne County Area), reprinted with permission
“Just For Today – Living The Program” 1
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20. EclipseCrossword.com
Learning to use our literature helps us stay clean, the solutions are always in there.
Down 1.
"Worrying is a lack of ________." (pg 90) 2. "Part of the __________ of addiction is being cut off from this sharing experience." (pg 95) 3. "When we stop living in the here and now, our problems become ________ unreasonably." (pg 96) 5. "This is, hopefully, when our pain motivates us to ________ our daily spiritual maintenance." (pg 92) 6. "Our own self-will leads to _______ problems in our recovery." (pg 90) 7. "We emphasize setting our ________ in order, because it brings us relief." (pg 93) 8. "Rigorous ________ is the most important tool in learning to live for today." (pg 92) 10. "The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous are a ________ recovery process established in our daily living." (pg 96)
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14. 15. 16. 18. 22. 24. 27.
"What we knew about living before we came to N.A. almost ________ us." (pg 93) "If we ________ our spiritual condition daily, we find it easier to deal with the pain and confusion." (pg 92) "We are slower to ________ and quicker to forgive." (pg 94) "We no longer need to make fools of ourselves by standing up for nonexistent ________." (pg 93) "The Narcotics Anonymous Program is ________." (pg 91) "Everything we know is subject to ________, especially what we know about the truth." (pg 91) "Any clean addict is a ________." (pg 92) "We receive ________ when we ask for knowledge of God's will for us." (pg 92) "As new members, the ________ of God we heard in meetings repelled us." (pg 91)
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23. 25. 26. 28. 29. 30.
"By rigorously ________ the few simple guidelines in this chapter, we recover daily." (pg 94) "We recover in an ________ of acceptance and respect for one another's beliefs." (pg 91) "JUST FOR TODAY I will have a program. I will try to ________ it to the best of my ability." (pg 90) "We must be ________ to do whatever is necessary to recover." (pg 93) "If we have difficulties, we trust our groups, our ________ and our Higher Power to guide us." (pg 96) "Today we have people in our lives who ________ with us." (pg 95) "JUST FOR TODAY my thoughts will be on my ________, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs." (pg 90) "As our defects are removed, we are _________ to become all that we can." (pg 94) "A new ________ cannot be grafted onto a closed mind." (pg 93) "As ________, we have trouble with acceptance, which is critical to our recovery." (pg 90) "When we honestly tell our own story, someone else may ________ with us." (pg 95) "We honestly have to ________ our own self-centeredness and self-destructiveness." (pg 94) "Each day most of us ask our Higher Power to help us stay ________, and each night we give thanks for the gift of recovery." (pg 91)