Sharing the Message Jan/Feb 2016
The Ozark Area Newsletter Vol. 2
ozarkasc.com
Message from the PR Subcommittee!
The Message of Hope, Step Two “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”, is a very powerful step of hope and honesty. I remember when I came to the rooms of NA and wondered what that power was going to be. I kept hearing other NA members talk about being restored to sanity and I wanted that too. I was still very lost and confused about where my life ended up and often wondered where that power was during the hard times of my life and my addiction. I attended meetings every day that a meeting was held in my hometown and got a sponsor. I completed the first step and began to write on my second step. I was still lost on what my higher power was in the beginning of this step. While working this step I realized that my higher power was in fact with me the whole time. Otherwise I would not be alive to tell about it. I realized through working the second step the first time that everything that led up to my first meeting was in fact my higher power restoring me to sanity by putting people and situations in front of me that helped me realize I had a problem and needed help. Now I have a close connection to my higher power and feel I have been restored to a better way of thinking and living. My higher power has showed up in different ways throughout my recovery and I believe the most powerful way is when my higher speaks through other people. The steps of NA have changed my life and the second step has restored my faith in a higher power. For the first time in my life I had hope for recovery and a better future, not only for myself but for my children. NA as a whole has restored me, not just the second step but all of the components suggested. I have worked all 12 steps, more than once. I continue to attend meetings regularly. I have a sponsor and I do service work where I am needed. I was told in the beginning that you can’t keep what you have unless you give it away. To me that means not only do you allow yourself to gain hope and be restored to sanity you get to help others find that hope too. That is what keeps me coming back. I love what NA has done for me and for so many others. I’m pretty sure that when I got clean I didn’t think that I would be where I am today and I am truly grateful knowing that I have a higher power that cared enough to help restore me to sanity and allow me to be me. In Loving Service, Grateful NA Member
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are those of the individual contributor, and not the opinions of the Narcotics Anonymous as a whole. The Handbook for Narcotics Anonymous states that: “The 12 Traditions of NA should serve as the basic guidelines for editing your newsletter… the language of NA recovery should be used.” This newsletter will be examined by our Public Relations Subcommittee before it is distributed to ensure we are keeping in line with our traditions. We welcome any feedback in accordance with our traditions. Please indicate if you would like that feedback published.
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Basic Text Quote! We realize that we are never cured, and that we carry the disease within us for the rest of our lives. We have a disease, but we do recover. Each day we are given another chance. We are convinced that there is only one way for us to live, and that is the NA Way. (Pg. 8, 6th Edition)
Hello NA family my name is Casey M. and I am a drug addict. I am 28 and my clean date is august 20th 2010. The first high I remember was when I was seven. I told my parents a lie and got away with it. That addiction has plagued me all through school and adulthood. I was eleven the first time I looked at my past, present and future and felt crippling hopelessness so intense that suicide seemed like a better option than continuing the way I was going. It was like everyone else had gotten some secret key for living that I missed out on. Suicide became something my brain would spit out whenever I was even slightly out of sorts or didn’t get my way. I didn’t try drugs for the first time for another six years. I was seventeen and had just moved from Virginia to Oklahoma. I was a senior in high school who had left everything behind 3,000 miles east. My family was always supportive before the drug use, but I never felt like I fit anywhere. Within a year I was drinking alcohol and doing any drugs I could get my hands on. Between the partying and the online poker addition, I was barely sleeping at night and lost a full ride theater scholarship because I couldn’t keep it together during the day. So at 19, I moved back home and abandoned college. For three years I kept getting worse and promising people that (insert drug tragedy) would never happen again. I meant it, with all my heart but I couldn’t stop using and didn’t know why. I had been 22 for two weeks when I came into NA. I had ruined everything. My mother had found me passed out in the driveway that morning covered in my own vomit. She thought I was dead. I will never forget that day. She had just found her only child’s corpse, she thought. She yelled and slapped me for the first and only time. Miserable, sick, hungover and suicidal, I got hosed down by my heartbroken parents then cleaned up the vomit in my car. Everyone that loved me was done watching me slowly kill myself. I found I didn’t need to kill myself. My next door neighbor was an alcoholic with three years who hit 15 meetings a week. He showed me the ropes of the fellowship over the next two years and would become my sponsor. He took me to my first meeting that night. I felt welcomed. One friend from high school was there and half a dozen older guys I knew from around town. I didn’t belong in NA – so I thought. I had never been homeless or arrested, never went to treatment. No one else had a problem admitting I was an addict. They let me sit with them. Saw in me so much that I had lost sight of long before. I love that meeting and I still see most of those guys a few times a month, some every week. The same meeting I now have a key to and GSR for. Best home group! NA saved my life. At two months clean I stopped counting the ceiling tiles and started to listen. I had only been there to get my family to start believing my lies again. I was finding that life might really get better if I just did these suggestions that I didn’t think would work. I got asked to speak at six months clean, at a meeting I rarely attended. I suddenly realized I had no idea what to say so I bought my first book and dug into it for 25 days as hard as I could. When the night came for me to speak, one of my using friend’s moms walked in. It was her first meeting and she knew exactly who I was. She tells me I did a great job that night. I have no honest idea what I said. She is still clean. The four years since then have been the best years of my life. I fell in love with the rooms. I started working with men in treatment in my home town. It still amazes me that guys with less than 30 days do so much for my program. My family has (Cont. next page)
(Continued – In The Spotlight, Casey M.)
once again become a great asset rather than something I run from. I won’t say that every day is perfect; they aren’t. People get sick, people die and it hurts. I hate when my people die. At two years I had a sudden epiphany that almost all of my core ideas about life and the world had been made under the effect of mind altering substances. So I started the steps again. This time I really wanted to get better and I knew that I would get results. I wasn’t disappointed. The results blew me away. I got more involved with service and started going to functions. My whole attitude about life changed. Suicide is no longer an option for me; going on three years since I made that decision for the first time. I have a choice today about more than just drugs. NA has given me more than I would ever have thought to ask for. More than I knew was possible. What I have learned about the steps since then is too much to write now, but here are the basics: Each step is a tool. I need my tools to fix my problems. I need one, two and three to keep me grounded and remind me where I belong. Four and five save me when I struggle and need to work my craziness out. Six and seven are my walking shoes every day that make my life possible. Eight and nine let me keep my relationships in working order. Ten makes it possible for tomorrow to be better than today. Eleven is all day every day, makes it possible for me to try doing the next right thing. Without twelve, it is all just selfish self-centered theory. Twelve lets me be Casey; no mask, no bullshit, good or bad, just Casey and it’s good enough. Even when I am not ok… it’s ok. I have a quiet mind and a loving heart today. Freedom is the most precious thing I possess. I wouldn’t trade my NA family for anything in the world. So if no one has told you they love you today, I love you. No matter what anyone tells you or what you tell yourself. You are good enough. You are worth it. Any addict can stop using, lose the desire to use and find a new way of life.
What do you do to stay committed in recovery? Show up! How else is our Higher Power going to help us help each other? I like to do the little things in service, the ones that nobody knows you’re doing so I can keep my ego out of the way. It takes all of us! (Kim M)
Service work, giving back what was given to us by our predecessors. (Ed H)
Commitment to Spirituality! When walking hand in hand with God, you can’t be led off the path! (Susi M)
I work with a newcomer. (Tina T)
November & December Anniversaries Dennis D.
11 yrs.
But Do It
Ashley G.
3 yrs.
Miracles
Lynn H. Tina P.T.
3 yrs. 11 yrs.
Point of Turning
Melissa C. Bobbie M.
1 yr. 1 yr.
Native American
Jerry F.
4 yrs.
Stray Katz.
TOTAL CLEANTIME IS: 34 YEARS!!!
We Recover on the Bones of Others If you are here to read this, think of those who aren't. Pray for them: good thoughts for those who lost their minds, love and years to compulsion, addiction and fears. Think of their great sacrifice. We recover on the bones of others. Wrap your loving thoughts around them; alone no more. If you are here and recovering your original shining true self, a moment of silence for those driven mad by the voices and screams of disease driven dreams. We walk from night to day on a path made of the bones of others. Hold them tightly in the warm arms of your spirit; cold no more. If you are here and attaining freedom, a thousand bows for those who didn't reach this shore and drowned in a sea of despair: suffering no more. We walk in freedom past cages made of the bones of others. They hand us the keys of desperation. Quench their burning thirst with the tears of your soul. Calm their cravings. Still their minds Grant them peace in the dark and lonely places below and above the ground. Fill the gaping holes left by their deaths with the immensity of your love. Remember them as you sleep; remember them as you wake. Only a thought is the difference between you and the bones of others. The Zen of Recovery – Mel Ash, (Submitted by Alan F. – 5th Tradition)
“We cannot afford to lose sight of the importance of sponsorship and of taking a special interest in a confused addict who wants to stop using. Experience shows clearly that those who get the most out of Narcotics Anonymous Program are those to whom sponsorship is important. Sponsorship responsibilities are welcomed by us and accepted as opportunities to enrich our personal NA experience.” page 59 of ‘What Can I Do?’ I didn’t get clean to feel miserable, so why wouldn’t I use all the tools this program has to offer to be the best person I can be and to relieve the pain I was in when I got here? Don’t get me wrong, I was one of those addicts who did not immediately get a sponsor. I know, I know, you’re thinking – “what a sadist”! And all that did was prolong my confusion about how to work this program and helped keep me isolated. Because to this addict, sponsorship was very scary. It was my first experience clean of being truly intimate with someone and revealing my soul to them. I was so scared to ask that first person to be my sponsor. After having walked alone in my addiction, it was hard to trust someone. But I did finally ask. The first person had too many sponsees already, so I looked further within the fellowship for someone who had what I wanted. So if you are turned down by the first person you ask, don’t be discouraged! It just means that God has another sponsor in mind for you. The next person I asked, well we had a lot of character defects in common, so she was able to provide me insight into how I might change my behavior. It was so gratifying to know I had someone I could now go to with all my questions about getting and staying clean, my new feelings, and how to deal with life on life’s terms. This sponsor loved the NA Program as much as I did. She not only guided me through working the steps but also taught me how to pray. She emphasized service work and meeting attendance. Today I continue to carry the message of Narcotics Anonymous by being a sponsor. I try to emulate what I received from my sponsors throughout the years, the unconditional love of this fellowship. Like anyone, I struggle with being honest with sponsees about using behavior. But I was taught that you can’t save your ass and your face at the same time. So it is my responsibility to point these behaviors out, sharing my experience in what worked for me in similar situations – or what didn’t work. Hey! I share many of my mistakes with my sponsees. I don’t want them to make the same mistakes I did unless they choose to do so. I also have my new sponsees call me every day for the first 30 days because I remember how hard it was for me to pick up a phone & call anyone for help. I tell my sponsees to call and if there is no crisis, just tell me how their day is going. I let them know that this to get them in the habit of talking to me and not being afraid to call me. Because I used to think my sponsor would be busy so I better not call her, or that what I had to say wasn’t important enough to warrant a phone call. If I am your sponsor, I want to hear from you. I can’t keep what I have unless I give it away. I believe that you do not have a sponsor unless you are using your sponsor. I use my sponsor. Why wouldn’t I use all the tools this program has to offer?
Thank you for letting me share. Grateful NA Member
Show Me Region Narcotics Anonymous Meeting January 9 & 10 Howard Johnson – Columbia, MO PR Subcommittee Workshop January 16, from 10a – 3pm
For everyone that contributed to this newsletter, as well as our very first one, thank you so much for sharing your experience, strength and hope with us. Your words inspire and encourage the readers as they continue on this journey we call “Recovery!” PR SUBCOMMITTEE
Ozark Area Service Committee Meeting January 17 Subcommittees at 12 – 3p, Business meeting at 3p
Cabin Fever February 5 – 7 @ Lake of the Ozarks
Survivor’s Sweetheart Dance February 13 at 6 pm - Galena Senior Center For more information on these events, see the flyers in your home group OR on our Area’s website:
www.ozarkasc.com
FAITH has always been a word with a religious meaning, for me at least. Anytime I had ever heard the word previously, it was always associated with the religion that I had grown up with. Everything that I associated with religion left a bad taste in my mouth, and I wanted no part of it. Being as lost as I was when I got here, I was not able to separate mainly because I did not know there was a difference. It took a minute to come to terms with the idea that faith was so much more than just trusting god. It blew me away when I heard that I would regain faith in myself. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Faith wasn’t believing that God could heal me, it was simply believing that things were going to happen regardless, and I was going to be okay. The realization that I had always been okay was profound in and of itself. I was still alive despite all my efforts to eliminate my own existence from the world, both conscious and unconscious. I had lost all understanding of morals and values and really had no clue who I was. I had lost “faith” in humanity and in myself. I would venture to say that my faith was non-existent.
In all actual reality, I didn’t even have faith in myself enough to not get high. Faith was not a word I had ever associated with self, knowing fully that I was not god, but there it was. I took great interest in the word when I realized that faith was just as much an action word as it was a belief. I had faith when I walked in the rooms for the first time, I had faith when I asked someone to be my sponsor. I practiced faith every time I put the pen to paper. Faith it seemed was an integral part of the recovery process and I was practicing it on a daily basis even without my own knowledge. I still practice faith in my daily recovery. Everything from my career, to schooling, to my spirituality requires faith. Yes, I said spirituality. I am quite comfortable with the word now. Faith is an ever present word in my life and I couldn’t be more accepting of its terms. I actually have faith in others, but more importantly, I have faith in self. I never have to use again, and I have faith that today I won’t. Just for Today. Jackie L.
Step Three If you have never worked the third step you are in for a spiritual gift. If you have, you know the relief this step can provide. Step three; “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him”, is an action step. For me, I was ready and willing to let God drive my bus. I was getting nowhere spinning my wheels, and trying to control everything and everyone around me. It was a step I was willing to take because my life was getting better just by working the first two steps, and I had seen others benefit by “letting go and letting god”. The first time I worked this step, I was trying to hold on to certain areas of my life, like court systems and relationships. I kept thinking I could change and control outcomes. When things did not go my way, I would become angry. I was angry because I did not get my will. People in the program told me things like “you are powerless over people places and things”, and “god’s will, not our own”. I am so glad I understand these sayings now; they make much more sense when you apply them to your life. The third time I worked this step, my sponsor had me put all my energy about a situation on a stick, and then told me to throw it in the water. After that, she asked me to get the stick out of the river. Being the one who loved to have control, I was looking for a way to bring the out of reach stick back to my grasp. That physical inability to retrieve the stick gave me an empowerment, and a visual experience to see what I need to do when giving my will to god. Leave it in god’s hands. Today it is a decision I still have to make regularly. This is much easier said than done at times, but now it is more of a habit when dealing with something I have no control over. The third step brings me peace. I use the third step as part of my solutions of life on life’s terms today. Progressively it gets easier to turn it over.
Tina T.
Hello my name is Jenn P. and I am an addict. I have heard it said that willingness is open mindedness in action.
I have wanted better, wanted more out of life, for as long as I can remember. My fairy godmother with her magic wand never did appear though. I would wish and pray. I would whine and throw fits and resent. Then I accepted that misery and addiction was my path in life. I gave up. It wasn’t until I was forced into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous that I found the missing link. Willingness is an action word. I have to work to achieve the goal. Do what I have never done before to get where I have never been. I write when I don’t want to, because I need to, because the desired effect is just a step away. They told me I was worth it and sponsored me through it. Life became so amazing that it wasn’t hard to do the right thing anymore. It felt good. I was high on life. After the pink cloud drifted off and it wasn’t new and shiny anymore, willingness became an issue once again. I prayed for the willingness to be willing. My higher power is always listening. I was asked to help; service work. The reward from service boosted me into action again. My recovery, this new way of life, is what my dreams and hopes had been for many years. Willingness to suit up and show up and try to do the next right thing, there was the missing link between an idea and the greatest reward. Recovery, the NA way.