Make Your Life Pop! Don't Wait For It, Create It! (Section 1) by Deborah Farrell

MAKE YOUR LIFE POP!

DON’T WAIT FOR IT - CREATE IT! D E B O R A H FA R R E L L ( M C O U N P S YC H )

MAKE YOUR LIFE POP! Don’t Wait for it, Create it!

Deborah Farrell (MCounPsych)

Make Your Life Pop - Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Wait for it, Create it! ÂŠ Deborah Farrell 2015. www.deborahfarrell.com.au All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without written permission from the author. Cover Image: makemebark Publisher: Joie de la Vie Pty. Ltd. Author Photograph: Kerrin Smith Photography 1. Psychology 2. Self-Help 3. Life Coaching 4. Motivation 5. Self-Actualisation First Edition Disclaimer: Given the diverse individual circumstances of potential readers, the information contained in this book is in the nature of general comment only. Readers should consult a registered psychologist for personal advice specific to their circumstances. Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at press time, the author and publisher do not assume, and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to my four amazing children. May you learn early to be the author of your own happy, healthy, and fulfilling story.

iii

INTRODUCTION

Scientists in the 19th century found that if they put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it would immediately jump straight out - surprise, surprise. However, they also discovered that if they put a frog into a pot of cold water and set the water to boil slowly, the frog would stay in the pot and boil to death. These researchers (Sedgwick, 1888) theorised that the frog was able to adjust to each slow incremental change in temperature without realising that the situation had become dire. Although this experiment is questionable on so many levels (and please don’t try it at home), it is a great metaphor for life. Often we just keep adjusting to each incremental change and don’t realise how far off track have become. Most of us are too busy, or too afraid, to take the time to really look at our lives in a systematic way. We tend to just accept life as it comes, and grasp the ‘accidental joys’ with both hands; but imagine being able to create moments, rather than waiting and hoping for them to happen. Successful people do just that, they live their lives on purpose, and with intention. Socrates had a rather morbid view - he claimed that ‘an unexamined life isn’t worth living.’ Personally, I believe all life is valuable, and align more with Thomas Hobbs - knowledge is power. Information allows you to make better choices.

“Knowledge itself is power.” ~ Thomas Hobbs When you know what brings you joy, or allows you to feel happy, satisfied, connected, smart, or loved, you have the power to do more of it. When you know what brings you down, makes you feel unimportant, not good enough, or alone, you can choose to do less of it. Most people meander around aimlessly - vaguely heading in a particular direction, zig-zagging along, afraid to ask for directions, often ignoring obvious signs. iv

Consequently, they end up feeling like they’re driving in circles, or just spinning their wheels on the road to nowhere. On the other hand, successful people take the time to work out exactly where they want to go, they develop a plan, take action, make adjustments, and take more action. Lather, rinse, repeat. Similarly, if you are committed to living a life filled with joy and satisfaction, a life you can look back on without regret; you too need to develop a plan and work it consistently; accept that no endeavor ever goes strictly to plan, adjustments will be necessary and that’s okay. Most importantly, you need a compelling reason for going to all that trouble. If somehow you were just suddenly thrust into your current life: this relationship, this job, this house, this body, with these friends, etc. - would you quickly jump straight out? Are you genuinely happy and satisfied with your life, or are you slowing boiling to death (metaphorically of course)? If instinctively you would jump straight out, or can even just recognise that conditions aren’t optimal, then this book is for you. By working with literally thousands of clients over the past decade and a half, I know the old adage is true. You can either be the author of your own story, or a character in someone else’s. This book is about helping you design the next chapter in a life that makes you smile and want to leap out of bed each morning, excited by what the day holds - a life that you can look back on with joy and celebration.

“To get the most out of life, you need a plan. It doesn’t just happen by accident.” ~ Deborah Farrell As you work through each chapter you will begin to understand how you can truly be happy and why, but most importantly, learn a proven system for making that happen. In Section 1, you’ll find exercises to help you get better acquainted with where you are right now – Your Starting Point. Through reflecting on the past twelve months

you will notice what’s been working, so you can do more of it, and what hasn’t, so you can do less of it. You’ll also be able to recognise and celebrate your wins, and learn from the challenges to make informed choices about moving forward. In Section 2, you will learn what drives you to do, and want, the things you do Your North Star. Determining your why is a crucial step for creating the R.I.G.H.T goals for you right now, and this is covered in Section 3, along with how to develop an achievable action plan unique to you, complete with daily a ‘to do’ list to help you Find Your Way. In Section 4, you will find ways to Stay the Distance, overcome procrastination, maintain your momentum and make the most of your life. The book concludes with printable versions of each worksheet and wisdom from some of the most successful people of all time should you need a little extra inspiration. In short, this book is your formula for success. It’s about helping you to getting your bearings, discover where you want to go next (and why), and provides proven strategies to help you get there with joy and confidence. Make this chapter, and those that follow, a story well worth rereading! Best wishes for a long, happy, healthy, and rewarding journey, Deborah

THE FORMULA SYSTEM

vii

SECTION 1

YOUR STARTING POINT “Usually, when the distractions of daily life deplete our energy, the first thing we eliminate is the thing we need the most: quiet, reflective time. Time to dream, time to contemplate what’s working and what’s not, so that we can make changes for the better.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach With the use of modern technology, getting from A to B couldn’t be simpler. A GPS takes all the hassle and guesswork out of even the longest journey. A simple push of a button will tell you where you are, and give you detailed information about how to get to your destination; including route options, traffic conditions, tolls and expected arrival time. It makes it easy to weigh the options and determine the best route to take right now. In days gone by (and I’m showing my age here) we had no such technology; we had to rely on the good old ‘street directory’. For those of you that haven’t had the dubious pleasure, for this cumbersome tome to be of any value, you’d first have to pull over, drag it out of the glove box (or from underneath the front seat), and look for a street sign nearby to find out where you were. Heaven forbid you didn’t know the suburb and there were numerous streets of the same name. Beside each street name in the directory was a page number and co-ordinates to help you pinpoint your exact location. You’d then have to study the map, get the ‘lay of the land’ so to speak, and work out the route options for yourself. If you were fortunate enough to have a ‘navigator’ with you, they could keep track of your progress, give you warning prior to each turn, and suggest alternative routes when you missed one (assuming they could actually read a map - a highly under-rated skill). Without a navigator, you needed to remember the next few turns, hope for a red light, or pullover from time to time and hope you were still on track.

While I’m sure someone, somewhere is working on a app for personal life journeys, right now there is no GPS. For now, you need to rely on the old method – use signs to work out where you are, get the lay of the land, plan the route and review from time to time. What’s been working, what hasn’t? Where did you shine, where did you stumble? What do you already know, what do you need to learn? Reflecting on the past twelve months of your life, will provide the knowledge you need to make more deliberate, empowering choices about the year ahead. To do this review, set aside some time to focus, and write your answers in as much detail as you feel is appropriate and useful. The answers are not for anyone else to read (unless you want to share), and there are no rights or wrongs. You can complete as many, or as few, of the exercises as you choose, but remember, knowledge is power, and allows you to make more informed choices about your future satisfaction and happiness. By the end of the section you should: 1) 2) 3) 4)

Know your starting point; Be able to appreciate the good parts of your life; Consolidate your lessons from the past year; and Identify the changes that will keep you (or put you) on track.

This entire process will mostly likely be both uplifting, and deflating. It’s just as important to acknowledge and appreciate the wins, as it is to identify the areas you wish to change. Be grateful for both - the wins and the growth opportunities, and keep things in perspective. If life currently seems too out of balance, don’t be disheartened. After all, until you identify a problem you can’t change it. Be glad that you are committed to change now, rather than continuing down the same path for another one, five, or even ten years, slowly boiling to death, getting further and further away from the life you desire and deserve. Even though you might not know how right now, trust the process, this book will show you the way - in small manageable and achievable steps. Start by getting your bearings - assess the upside, the downside, your use of resources and life satisfaction over the past twelve months...

CHAPTER 1

ON THE UPSIDE “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Most people don’t take time to really appreciate the wins, and great moments in their day-to-day lives. Begin this review by celebrating the highlights of your life during the past twelve months! Ten great things that happened: (Please note: these don’t need to be huge life changing events. Often it’s the little things that bring the greatest joy.) What made it special? How did you feel? 1.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

2.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 4.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 5.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 6.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 11

7.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 8.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 9.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 10._____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Three accomplishments I am proud of: (What strengths did you bring?) 1.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 12

___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ Three ways I grew personally: (What initiated these changes? How have they improved your happiness?) 1.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 13

3.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Three ways I fostered better relationships with those I care about most: 1.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Three ways I grew professionally: (How has that increased your marketability?) 1.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

The most interesting person/people I met: (Include why theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re interesting/ how they changed your life.) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 15

The smartest decision I made: (Why?) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

A difficult experience I came to terms with: (How? What strengths did you bring to the situation? What support sources helped?) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 16

___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

The biggest risk Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m glad I took: (Why?) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

The opportunity or experience I am most grateful for: (Why? What did it lead to?) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

The most important thing I learned: (How did this help?) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

The biggest way I changed: (Is this a good thing?) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

People I could rely on for support: (Personally and professionally) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 18

My proudest contribution: (Work, home, or community, etc.) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 2

ON THE DOWNSIDE â&#x20AC;&#x153;I think the challenge is to take difficult and painful times and turn them into something beneficial, something that makes you grow.â&#x20AC;? ~ Michelle Akers

Life is a mixed bag; no-one goes through life unchallenged. Amidst the wins, are the tough times that provide some of our most valuable lessons. Now is the time to explore what might be considered the downside of the last twelve months. Make a note of the strengths that you brought to each situation, and the support sources available to you.

My three biggest obstacles or challenges: 1.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 21

Three things I could have done differently: (With hindsight.) 1.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 22

___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

The worst choice I made: (Why? What prompted the decision? How did it impact on your life? How did you feel as a result?) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

A risk I wish Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d taken: (Why? What stopped you? How is life different as a result?) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

A difficult experienced I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t come to terms with yet: (*NB* Please seek professional support) ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Additional Thoughts: ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 3

RESOURCES â&#x20AC;&#x153;If you want to lead a life you love, start by managing your resources rather than letting them manage you.â&#x20AC;? ~ Deborah Farrell

We all know that by budgeting our finances, we are better able to meet our commitments and have some left over for fun (even if we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do it). The same is true of time and energy, which are equally finite resources. Knowing where these precious commodities are being spent (or not spent) allows you to invest them more wisely, and achieve better returns for your happiness, and your success. We have a tendency to under-estimate how much things cost, and even dismiss small amounts - $5 here, 10 minutes there. We can also discount, or overlook entirely, the cost of normal everyday activities such as stopping to buy milk, taking a shower, dropping the kids to school, cooking dinner, or getting to work. Every little thing you do throughout the day costs a certain amount of time and energy, and often money too. It all adds up, whether you acknowledge it or not.

Each yes, is a no to something else. 25

An awareness of the ‘big bills’, as well as the seemingly insignificant ones, provides a realistic assessment of what you’ve got left to play with. When it comes to financial decisions, you may be aware of what you can afford and what you need to leave on the shelf, but are you equally savvy when it comes to what you can afford in terms of time and energy?

TIME Research shows that we tend to be overly optimistic when it comes to estimating how long we will take to do something (Kahneman & Tversky, 1979). Interestingly enough, this same phenomenon occurs even when we know that similar tasks have taken us longer in the past (Kruger, 2003). To give you an example from my own life, it takes around ten minutes to drive my daughter to a particular friends house under normal conditions, however it takes at least twice as long during peak traffic. Despite evidence to the contrary, I continued to allocate ten minutes for this task no matter what time of day I was travelling because I ‘knew’ how long it took. I was genuinely confused how I ended up late. After the second apology I was forced to recalibrate this belief :) Do you have your own story where you continue to allocate 5 or 10 minutes for a half hour task? You are not alone, research shows that unless we consciously take previous evidence into account (Buehler, Griffin & Ross, 1994), or break a task into subtasks (Forsythe, 2008) we all continue to underestimate time factors. Curiously, we tend to overestimate how long it will take someone else to do the same task (Buehler, Griffin & Ross) and may account, in part, for our reluctance to delegate - “It’ll be quicker if I just do it myself” (sound familiar?). Our inability to realistically predict how much time we need, often leads to unreasonable expectations, missed deadlines, and disappointment. By completing the chart below you will see clearly how each additional task or activity you agree to, impacts on your timebank and requires an equal sacrifice in another area. More often than not, that sacrifice is the cream; time with family or friends, relaxing, reading, exercise classes, date nights, etc. Carefully consider your time priorities; what are you, or your family going without because of time bankruptcy?

Unlike money, when it comes to time, the bottom line is the bottom line; there are no credit cards or loans to help you out. You can only spend 168 hours each week. Period. How do you spend your time in a ‘normal’ week?

TIME EXPENDITURE

AREA

CURRENT

Sleep

IDEAL 52.5 - 56

Work Eating/Food Preparation Personal Cleanliness Romantic Relationship Parenting Duties Household Chores Family Activities Friendships/Socialising Personal Development Leisure/Recreation Sport & Fitness Spiritual Growth Community Involvement

TOTAL

168 HOURS

Chances are, like most of us, you actually have no idea where the time goes. If that’s you, your challenge over the coming weeks is to start to make a note and acknowledge each hour of the day. It will seem tedious to begin with, and you don’t need to do it forever, just long enough to get a baseline of various tasks and activities. Whether you were able to specify your time usage or not right how, how satisfied are you with your time management overall? 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 Where could you make some changes or budget cuts? What can you start to delegate, or say ‘no’ to? Which areas deserve more time? Less time? How would you feel if you had less time pressures? Irrespective of whether you think it’s possible right now, make a note of some potentially helpful changes: ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 28

E N E R GY Energy is an interesting phenomenon. Some activities, even those that are time consuming can cost very little energy, while others can leave you feeling completely drained in no time at all. Some activities, events, or people can even perk you up. Although energy is finite in many respects, it is also a renewable resource; it can be topped up throughout the day if you know how. As a general statement, anything that makes you feel good replenishes your energy. It can be as simple as walk on the beach, a long hot shower or bubble bath, a good meal, an exercise class, reading a book, deep breathing or meditation, even coffee with a friend. Measuring your energy expenditure is clearly quite subjective and difficult to do in concrete terms. One of the easiest ways to get an understanding of this area is to consider the things you do each day that energise you, and the ones that drain you - at work and at home. Some things may come to mind easily; others may not be so immediately obvious. As you go about your day, begin to make a mental note. What people, places, events, activities, and even foods energise you, which ones zap your energy?

ENERGY EXPENDITURE THINGS THAT ENERGISE ME

THINGS THAT DRAIN ME

How much of your time is spent in ways that: ______ % Energise You ______% Drain You

How satisfied are you with the results? 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 How do you manage your energy levels? Do you run until you collapse, or do you take the time to top-up when you are running low? If so, how do you do that? Where can you make changes to protect, restore, or increase your energy levels? ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

MONEY MONTHLY Income

INCOME

Wages/Salary Investments Other

Home

Mortgage/Rent Rates Insurance Repairs/Maintenance Groceries

Utilities

Gas Electricity Phone Internet

Car

Loan/Lease Insurance Registration Fuel Repairs/Maintenance

Education

School Fees Uniforms, Textbooks & Stationary

Other

Entertainment Clothing Sports/Leisure/Recreation Health Insurance Public Transport Credit Cards/Loans

SUBTOTALS TOTAL (INCOME - EXPENSES)

EXPENSES

It’s the age-old question – can money buy you happiness? Contrary to popular belief, studies show that as long as you have enough money for essentials, happiness actually doesn’t increase exponentially with income (Easterlin, 1974). However, there is no doubt that living beyond your means can cause considerable stress, and make you miserable. Begin this review by assessing the basics. Do you have a budget? Do you know, specifically how much you earn and spend each week? Is there a surplus or deficit at the end of each month? Most people actually don’t know where their money goes.

“The secret to wealth is no secret - start by spending less than you earn.” ~ Deborah Farrell If you are completely aware of all the ins and outs of your financial situation, and are confident with your financial plans, please skip this section with my congratulations - you are in a small minority. Very well done! Bravo! If you don’t know the answers to these questions, please take the time to complete the simple household budgeting plan on the next page. Financial awareness is the most powerful change you can make to your financial security. Once upon a time you could appraise your financial position simply by looking in your purse, wallet, or cookie jar, but not anymore. Life is much more complex, and as you know, technology has made spending beyond your budget far too easy. With the introduction of eftpos, credit cards, interest free purchases, small loan apps, etc., money has stopped being real. If one card or avenue ‘doesn’t work’, you can try another, and another. To be financially secure, simply earning more is not the answer. Irrespective of how much you earn, the same rules apply. You need to make money real again and start spending less than you earn. Not just this week - every week! Despite how you might feel right now, a budget sets you free; it puts you in control, rather than your money.

There are any number of budgeting programs and apps that can help you keep track of your money. My personal favourite is YNAB (You Need a Budget). It works on the bucket system, allocating funds each month to upcoming expenses, allowing you to easily see how you are travelling financially. It encourages you to build in financial safety nets, but allows you to ‘borrow’ money from other buckets for unforeseen expenses, while making you aware of the impact of your choices. Keeping track of your money allows you to make informed decisions, rather than flying by the seat of your pants hoping that something is left in the bucket for a rainy day (or electricity bill). Budgeting has become a dirty word, however until you try it you won’t know the peace of mind that a budget brings. You’ll have more freedom to do the important things, and feel less stressed each time a bill arrives.

Financial Awareness How accurate is your knowledge of your day-to-day finances? 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10

What can you do to make it even easier to stay in control of your finances? ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Financial Management Once you are au fait with the basics of your financial position, consider how you prioritise your spending. Research shows that it’s not how much money you have, but how you spend it that determines whether money makes you happy. Giving money away tends to make people happier than spending it on themselves (Dunn & Norton, 2014), but if you do spend it on yourself, experiences will literally provide more bang for your buck. Although generally speaking, most people tend to prefer the longevity and permanence of buying ‘stuff’, the joy and excitement wear off pretty quickly. For instance, after a few months, that brand new car is no longer “The New Car :)”, it’s just “the car”. On the other hand, experiences tend to give us a greater sense of connection, form a bigger part of our identity, and leave us less likely to make social comparisons with others (Howell & Hill, 2009). That world tour will always be “The World Tour :)”; skydiving will always be “Skydiving :)” and so on. When it comes to money, are you making the most of what you have? Are you in charge of your financial security, or is it in charge of you? Do you tend to prioritise material purchases, or experiences? In other words, how happy are you with your money management?

1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10

“If we command our wealth, we shall be rich and free. If our wealth commands us, we are poor indeed.” ~ Edmund Burke

What changes can you start making today that would be better aligned with your goals? ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 35

CHAPTER 4

LIFE SATISFACTION “Happiness is not a goal...it's a byproduct of a life well lived.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

In our crazy, busy worlds we often operate on autopilot. Our various habits and routines simplify life by eliminating the need to use unnecessary brain power and allow us to conserve precious energy. Like most of us, you probably have a set morning routine, a preferred route to work, regularly shop at the same supermarket, and eat at the same restaurants. Routines and habits are easy, practical and comforting; you know what to expect - if you do a certain thing a certain way, you will invariably get a very similar result. You know how long you need to get ready in the morning, which driving lane to be in for the next turn, which aisle holds particular grocery items, and what to order from the menu. There is no doubt that habits and routines can be enormously beneficial, but they also have the power to be destructive. How often do you stop to assess if your current habits are helping or hurting you? Perhaps there’s a better brand, traffic conditions have changed, there’s a new restaurant, or a cheaper supermarket. Perhaps you have gotten out of the habit of exercising, greeting your partner with a kiss, eating well, 37

socialising, or staying focused. Some habits take time for the damage to become obvious, particularly relationship, health, or spending habits. Your habits and routines are directly related to your values. If you value your relationship, for instance, you will have very different habits to someone who doesn’t. Similarly, with health, career and every other area of your life. Your habits contribute to your level of happiness and satisfaction. Periodically reviewing and adjusting your habits ensures they are still aligned with your values to give you the best results, both now and into the future.

Building better habits leads to better results. This section addresses your satisfaction with various areas of your life, and allows you to consider how your habits are helping or hindering. Small, easily achievable changes can often make a huge impact on your day, and your life, if you know when and where to make them. For optimal results, as you work through this section consider the following four questions: 1. 2. 3. 4.

What do I need to do more of? What do I need to do less of? What do I need to stop altogether? What do I need to start doing?

Keep these four questions in mind as you add notes to each section. Another approach is to ask yourself “What did I do differently when I was more satisfied in this area?” or, “What would someone else (who is more satisfied in this area) do?” Satisfaction Scales Using a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being “Not at all Satisfied” and 10 being “Perfectly Satisfied” consider your current level of satisfaction in each area of your life. These ratings are not about what someone else thinks, or what you think you “should” be satisfied with. This is about your honest assessment, and again there are no rights or wrongs. Each person will interpret the scales a little differently, so don’t worry too 38

much about whether you are rating the ‘right’ thing. Base your assessments on your definitions. Please note: Just because something is currently missing from your life, doesn’t mean you automatically have to give it a rating of 1 (unless of course you are dissatisfied with its absence). For instance, you may be completely happy about being single right now, in which case you might rate Romantic Relationships as a 9 or 10. You may not play sport, but meet your Fitness needs in other ways. Alternatively, you might enjoy watching live sport for Leisure, but never go to games and so you might provide a low rating, etc. As you work through this section, consider what would need to happen for you to give each area a ’10’ and make notes. What could you do more of, or start doing? What could you do less of, or even stop doing? Do you know what success looks like for you in each area? Give some thought to how dissatisfaction in one area might be impacting on other areas.

R E L AT I O N S H I P S Romantic Relationships 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Family Relationships 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Friendship & Social Relationships 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Workplace Relationships 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10

Community Relationships 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

CAREER Current Role 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Professional Growth & Development 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ Additional Thoughts: ____________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

SELF Happiness & Well-Being 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Personal Development 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Leisure Time & Recreational Activities 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Spiritual Growth 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ Additional Thoughts: ____________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 44

H E A LT H Physical Health 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Mental Health 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Diet & Nutrition 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Sport & Fitness 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Hydration (1.0L per 25kg of body weight/day) [Crucial for energy levels] 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 46

Energy Levels 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Sleep (Recommended: 7.5 - 8 hrs/night) 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Stress Levels 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Addictions or Excesses (Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, sugar, caffeine, etc.) 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

C O M M U N I T Y I N VO LV E M E N T Local Community (E.g. school, church, fundraising, etc.) 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Volunteering 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Supporting a Charity or Cause 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Additional Thoughts: ____________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

FINANCES Current Financial Position 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Managing Your Budget 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Financial Goals & Planning 1 |___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___| 10 ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ Additional Thoughts: ____________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________

THEME If the last year of your life was made into a book or movie, what would the title be? Get creative. My theme for the LAST year was: ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 52

CHAPTER 5

WHAT’S IT ALL MEAN? “You are the master of your destiny. You can influence, direct and control your own environment. You can make your life what you want it to be.” ~ Napoleon Hill

Conducting a life review is no small undertaking, and filled with both pleasure and pain. It takes considerable courage to look at your life honestly, and I congratulate your commitment to taking charge of your life and making it this far! Hopefully, you are now more aware of your wins and taken renewed pleasure from them. Hopefully, you are also more aware of the areas that are already working well, and the ones that need attention. You may be feeling thrilled with your results or a little disheartened, or even overwhelmed by what seems like a long list of things you’d like to do differently. Take heart, small changes can have a big impact. Consider what happens if a pilot alters course even one or two degrees, or the effect of changing the angle of your racquet, golf club, or cue stick just the tiniest fraction. Even the smallest adjustments make a big difference over the long haul.

S U M M A R I S E YO U R F I N D I N G S Are you pretty happy overall, with perhaps just a few minor tweaks to consider, or are you feeling like your life needs a complete overhaul? Based on what you have learned so far, summarise your findings: The areas of my life I am MOST satisfied with are: (Why? How do you feel when you think about those areas?) 1.

_______________________________________________________

The areas of my life I am LEAST satisfied with are: (Why? How do you feel when you think about those areas?) 1.

_______________________________________________________

Three things I need to do MORE of this year are: (How will that help you become happier or more satisfied with your life?) 1. ________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

Three things I need to do LESS of this year: (Why? How will that impact on various areas of your life?) 1.

_______________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________ 56

___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

Three things I need to STOP doing completely this year: (Why? What can you do instead?) 1.

_______________________________________________________

Three things I need to LEARN how to do this year: (How will that help you to achieve your goals?) 1.

_______________________________________________________

Three tangible things Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to ACHIEVE next year: (How will achieving these goals make you feel happier or more satisfied?) 1.

_______________________________________________________

The things that STOOD OUT most for me during this review were: ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

TA R G E T S Now, review all of the potential changes you have identified, and narrow your focus to no more than three goals or areas youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to improve. Scattered energy produces scattered results. You are much more likely to succeed by concentrating your energy on just a few key targets at any time. Ideally pick the ones that will make the biggest difference overall, or can be achieved quickly and easily. Once these three are achieved you can always pick another three and so on. The three most important areas or goals I can focus on right now are: 1.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

My theme for THIS year is: ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

END OF SAMPLE

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Deborah Farrell (MCounPsych) is the founder of Relationship Wise, and a leading authority on personal development and relationship success. Deborah regularly advises corporate leaders on building better relationships with their partner, family, friends, and colleagues, but most importantly, with themselves. She combines traditional psychological strategies, with the latest findings from neurobiology, to provide a unique and effective approach to resolving life’s challenges. An expert in her field, Deborah has been featured in Grazia Magazine, Herald Sun, mX, Body & Soul, Weight Watchers Magazine and Women’s Health & Fitness. Deborah is also the author of Make Your Life Pop! – Don’t Wait For It, Create It and 101 Ways to Build a Better Relationship. To find out more please see www.deborahfarrell.com.au

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