Create a Life You Love by Debra Smouse

Fall in Love with Your Life 3 Steps to Achieving Your Heartâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Desires

By Debra Smouse http://DebraSmouse.com Fall in Love with Your Life

ÂŠDebra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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GRATITUDES

I would not be where I am today, creating this book, without love and guidance of some amazing people in my life. I send love and thanks toâ&#x20AC;Ś

John aka JB. My partner, significant other, man of my dreams , soul mate, play mate, love of my life and so much more. He is my anchor as we journey through life together. My loving friend, occasional editor, and social media helpmate, Elizabeth Rago. She never fails to remind me of the sacred, always inspires me to jump higher and laugh harder. The ladies in my Brain Trust & Mastermind: Brandi Lee, Deborah Reber, Dianna Woolley, the aforementioned Elizabeth and Kayce Hughlett

My dear friend and editor: Melissa Bartell. Any grammatical errors you might find are totally mine and not hers. I could do it without her, but she makes my great stuff utterly fabulous.

My coach, Blaze Lazarony, who bears witness and helps keep me moving in an upward trajectory as I do my own necessary soul work.

My amazing clients, who wow me with their amazing hearts and souls.

ÂŠDebra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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You may use this eBook for your own personal development, but it is not to be duplicated, copied, or otherwise altered, re-printed, or published in any form or medium without prior written consent of the author. Additionally, it is only authorized for the purchaser’s individual use and may not be transmitted via email or any other electronic or print means to another party.

Disclaimer

This version of Creating a Life You Love: 3 Steps to Achieving Your Heart’s Desires was revised on March 27, 2013. This version was downloaded via the author’s website: http://DebraSmouse.com as a complimentary gift for subscribing to the author’s mailing list. Future versions – as well as versions sold via Amazon may be slightly different.

How to Use This Book & Technical Notes This workbook is intended to assist you clarify how you want to feel and move you towards creating meaningful goals and intentions. There is no deadline or due date. You are not behind. You are right where you need to be.

The work can certainly be done in a matter of a few hours if that’s the way you choose. Work through this in one day if that feels right. If that feels at all pushed, be gentle with yourself and work through this book over a period of several days or several weeks. Find your own beautiful

rhythm that fits your life in this space and time.

This book was created with Adobe Acrobat and you should be able to fill in the blanks and “Save As” to preserve your answers. There are some challenges in this process if you are using a MAC based computer. No challenges have occurred with PCs or iPads.

I do recommend printing Pages 10 to 12. It’s the on portion of this book where the exercise is more tactile. Alternatively, you can print the whole thing, place it in a small 3-ring

binder, and take a pen to it. Doodle on the pages.

It’s yours to play with and dream with. To assist you as you create meaningful goals. To help you create a life that exceeds your wildest dreams. To encourage you to live.

©Debra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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Table of Contents Gratitudes Copyright Disclaimer How to Use this Book & Technical Notes Table of Contents About the Author Get in Touch - Connect – Get Social Introduction Part One: How Do You Want to Feel? Part Two: What Do You Want? Part Three: Taking Action Conclusion Closing Thoughts

©Debra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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About the Author

I’m Debra Smouse. I’m a Life Coach and Writer. I’m an expert detangler and self-admitted Tarnished Southern Belle. I’m a Native Texan currently living in Ohio with the love of my life, JB. I believe that in order to live life the way you were meant to, you must fall in love with the day-to-day activity of living.

A huge part of my coaching style is the act of bearing witness. In a world where we communicate so often with the written word, it is important for us to be heard. Sometimes, that involves the loving act of holding space. Sometimes that involves a little push (or a pull) as you discover what you really want in life: what you value, what’s important to you, what sets your soul on fire! And since no one likes living in limbo, I’m here to lend a helping hand as you traverse between limbo and the life of your dreams. Better yet, I’ll hand you tools to create a beginning here to getting there plan To see what my clients think about working with me, read these notes of Love & Affection. To find out more about me, check out my full bio. There’s a special truth in that first cup of coffee each morning and a beauty to the art of simple living. Are you ready to fall in love with your life?

Get in Touch – Connect - Get Social Web: http://debrasmouse.com

Intimate Coaching Circle for Women: http://MakeYourInnerSexKittenRoar.com eCourses: http://30daystoclarity.com

Email: debra@debrasmouse.com (no mailing lists please) Twitter: http://twitter.com/debsmouse

Facebook: http://facebook.com/debrasmouse Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/debrasmouse

©Debra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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Introduction:

"Men are not free when they're doing just what they like. Men are only free when they're doing what the deepest self likes. And there is getting down to the deepest self! It takes some diving."---D. H. Lawrence

Let me ask you a question, darling: do you want to just bounce around in life or do you want to achieve or create something? I’ll be honest and tell you that nothing is wrong with simply being, but I am guessing that if you were to push aside the fears and the sometimes-mean voice of your inner critic, what you really want is to create or achieve something. You see, I believe that each of us was put on this earth for a purpose. We are born into the world with our souls set on fire to explore and create and be bold. Life happens, though, and we sometimes give in to the need to remain safe and small and unchanged. While I dislike resolutions, you might be surprised to discover that I’m a big fan of goals. Why is that, darling? Because when it comes to creating change and reaching for your dreams, goals can be incredibly effective tool to achieving your heart’s desires.

I’m the first to admit that goals can seem typical of a “Type A” personality. I'll even agree that the process of defining your goals probably won't seem terribly sexy, at least at first, but baby, I promise you that you can find a way to make goals work for you. My method may seem overly simple as I explain it, but - cross my heart - this approach works. Here’s the process in a nutshell: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Get clear about how you want to feel. Brainstorm a GIANT List of Dreams and Goals Choose a couple of goals from your list based achieving those feelings. Break each goal into bite sized pieces. Take action.

Sounding any sexier, yet? Are you getting that tingling sensation down in the depths of your heart? The slight rush of blood to your head? If so, you're on the right track.

But maybe, just maybe, creating that first sentence and accepting the inkling of exactly how you want to feel still sounds super scary. Feeling fear is perfectly okay. In fact, either of the two reactions I described is perfectly okay, and that's because each one is a message from your soul, telling you that you're onto something. I’ve divided this process into three steps to make it beautifully easy. So, let’s dive into that, shall we? ©Debra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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Part One: How Do You Want to Feel? Getting Clear on Your Desired Feelings

ÂŠDebra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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"We are desire. It is the essence of the human Soul, the secret of our existence. Absolutely nothing of human greatness is ever accomplished without it. Not a symphony has been written, a mountain climbed, an injustice fought, or a love sustained apart from desire. Desire fuels our search for the life we prize."--John Elderidge I have a couple of questions for you: How do you feel today? How do you want to feel? During my personal journey in living the life of my dreams, I’ve learned two important lessons about feelings.

One - You have to learn to identify your feelings and actually allow yourself to experience them. All of them. Yes, even the “shadow” emotions. You know, those not-sonice ones like anger, shame and embarrassment. And yes, even the good ones, too. Because all too often we feel we don’t deserve to be happy, experience ecstasy or embrace pleasure. Two – You get to choose how want to feel. When you get in touch with your heart’s deepest desires, it will whisper to you that it wants to experience some area of feeling good.

Identifying how you want to feel is critical to creating a life you love. You get clear about how you want to feel and then you begin doing things that make you feel that way. If you aren’t in touch with your heart’s desire, then creating goals, guidelines, and the steps you need to take to create a life you will love won’t work out the way you imagined.

Look at it this way. You come up with goals and visions for the areas of your world – personal and career. You believe that if you actualize that goal, it will give you a level of feeling successful, worthy and satisfied. When you reach a goal, how will you feel?

Sometimes, we reach goals and feel something unexpected: dissatisfied, anxious or even empty. When we look at it, we realize we set a goal based on outside expectations of us, not our inner burning desires. If you are not clear on how you want to feel, then you have no way to determine if your actions are congruent with your hearts desires. So, let me ask you again: How do you want to feel?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Don’t allow guilt to play into wanting to feel the way you want to feel. In order to fall in love with a life you love, you need to follow your desired emotion. Let it roll. It’s deep inside your heart for a divine reason: it’s a guide for you to fulfill your purpose. You have a right to be happy – and one of the steps to being happy is being in touch with your feelings.

Step One of Creating a Life You Love is to get clear about how you want to feel – and because many of us have spent years numbing or denying our feelings, it can be a little daunting to approach. ©Debra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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The exercise below will be a guidebook for clarifying and defining how you want to feel. Going through this process will bring your crystal clear clarity. Defining how you want to feel will put you on course to living the type of life you truly want.

There are three steps to this exercise. In Step One, you’ll let your heart go wild as you peruse a list of positive leaning emotions. In Step Two, you’ll record those emotions that made your heart sing. In Step Three, you’ll choose FIVE emotions that you want to play with over the next three to six months. These emotions will serve as your own personal anchor.

And whenever you find yourself in the midst of a storm, you will simply need to get in touch with your heart by dropping your anchor to the depths of the sea. “There is a full spectrum of human emotions and when we numb the dark, we numb the light. While I was “taking the edge off” of the pain and vulnerability, I was also unintentionally dulling my experiences of good feelings, like joy.” –Brene Brown

♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥ STEP ONE: NARROW IT DOWN Beginning on the following pages is a list of more than 385 words that are feelings. I suggest you print them out. If you don’t want to print this entire book, print pages 10-12. Grab a pen and a timer.

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and get centered. Set the timer for eight minutes.

Read through the list and circle the feelings that make your heart say: YES! I want to feel this way!

Go with your gut.

Don’t overanalyze. Just circle.

This is not about choosing how you are “supposed” to feel. There is no right way or wrong way to feel.

Don’t allow judgment or guilt into your choices. Trust your heart. It will guide you.

©Debra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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Able Abundant Accepted Accountable Adaptable Adored Affluent Alive Amenable Amusement Approving At ease Attracted Awake Awe-filled Beautiful Blissful Brave Calm Cared for Caring Challenged Clean Close Comforted Competent Comprehending Congruent Considerate Cooperative Credible Decisive Desirable Dignified Distinguished Eager Easy-going Efficient Elevated Encouraged Engrossed Euphoric Exhilarated Expressive

Absolved Accelerated Accepting Achieving Admiration Affected Agreeable Amazed Amused Animated Assertive Attached Attractive Aware Awesome Believing Bold Bright Capable Carefree Centered Cheerful Clear Collected Committed Complete Concerned Connected Constant Courageous Curious Delighted Determined Discerning Drawn Earnest Ecstatic Elated Emancipated Energetic Enthralled Exceptional Expansive Exuberant

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Absorbed Acceptable Accomplished Active Admired Affectionate Alert Ambitious Amused Appreciated Assured Attentive Authentic Awe Balanced Blessed Bonded Brilliant Captivated Careful Certain Cherished Clever Comfortable Compassionate Composed Confident Conscious Content Creative Daring Dependable Devoted Disciplined Dynamic Easy Edified Elegant Empowered Engaged Enthusiastic Excited Experienced Faith Page 10

Faithful Favored Firm Focused Forgiving Free Frisky Generous Giddy Gleeful Good-natured Grateful Great Guarded Harmonious Heroic Honorable Hopeful Important Included Influential Inspiration Intent Intrigued Invited Joy Jubilant Kind Light Loose Loved Loyal Marvelous Meek Methodical Motivated Non-judgmental Open Organized Overjoyed Pardoned Peaceful Pleasant Positive Precious

Fantastic Fearless Flexible Forceful Fortified Free and easy Fulfilled Gentle Gifted Glowing Graceful Gratified Grounded Happy Healed High Honored Humble Impulsive Independent Innocent Inspired Interest Invigorated Involved Joyful Judicious Learning Light-hearted Lovable Love-struck Lucky Masterful Merciful Mindful Neat Nosy Open hearted Outgoing Pacified Passionate Persevering Pleased Powerful Prepared

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Fascinated Festive Flowing Forgiven Fortunate Friendly Full Genuine Glad Good Gracious Gratitude Growing Hardy Helpful Honest Hope Humorous In control Infatuated Inquisitive Intelligent Interested Invincible Jovial Joyous Keen Liberated Lively Love Loving Magnetic Mature Merry Modest Noble Observant Optimistic Over the moon Pampered Patient Playful Popular Praised Present Page 11

Pride Progressive Proud Punctual Qualified Radiant Reasonable Receptive Redeemed Regenerated Release Relieved Resolute Responsive Rewarded Satisfied Selfless Sensitive Settled Shining Sincere Smooth Special Stable Strong Supported Surprised Tactful Tenacious Thoughtful Touched Trust Unburdened Unhurried Unselfish Valiant Valued Virile Willing Wonderful Yielding

Productive Prosperous Provocative Purified Quick Rapturous Reassured Receptive Re-enforced Rejuvenated Reliable Remembered Respected Restored Rooted Secure Sensational Serene Sexy Silly Skillful Snoopy Spirited Steadfast Successful Supportive Sustained Teachable Tender Thrilled Tranquil Trusting Understanding Unique Upbeat Validated Vibrant Vital Wise Worthwhile Youthful

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Proficient Protected Prudent Purposeful Quiet Rational Rebellious Recognized Re-enforced Relaxed Relief Replenished Respectful Revitalized Safe Self reliant Sensible Serenity Sharing Simple Smiling Soothed Splendid Strengthened Sunny Sure Sympathetic Temperate Thankful Tolerant Triumphant Unbiased Undisturbed United Upheld Valuable Victorious Warm Witty Worthy Zealous

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STEP TWO: YOUR HEART’S MAP Now that you’ve begun to narrow down the possibilities, it’s time to begin drawing your heart’s map by getting clearer. Go back over the list of circled items and record below every word that you’ve circled.

My Heart’s Map

©Debra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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STEP THREE: GETTING CRYSTAL CLEAR Now that you’ve begun to narrow down the possibilities, it’s time to give yourself the gift of crystal clarity. Review the list above. Read them out loud and check in with your body. When you read a word aloud that gives you a positive visceral response, mark it. Cross out the words that don’t. Now narrow the field down to FIVE Ways you want to FEEL.

Use the table below to record your discovery. In the column on the left, write down the feeling and next to that, write down your definition of what that means to you.

Feeling

My definition

©Debra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

I Want to Feel…

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Part Two: What Do You Want?

Hopes, Dreams & Goals: Who do you want to be? What do you want to create?

ÂŠDebra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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"Don’t let other people’s ideas of success and good or meaningful work filter your perception of what you want to do. Listen to your heart and mind’s purpose; keep listening to that and even when the “shoulds” get really loud, try to stay in touch with what you hear within yourself." ---Maria Popova

It’s time to set some goals. Now, here’s where you may be poo-pooing me with the notion that “goals” sound rigid. You may have set goals in the past, but even if you achieved them you didn’t get the sense of accomplishment you expected. Look at it this way. You come up with goals and visions for the areas of your world – personal and career. You believe that if you actualize that goal, it will give you a level of feeling successful, worthy and satisfied. When you reach a goal, how will you feel?

This is a new way to create and achieve your dreams, darling.

Now that you’ve clarified how you want to feel, I want you to dive into your dreams. I’m talking DIVE in. The only way I know to do this is to brainstorm.

Who do you want to be? What do you want to have? What do you want to create in this world? What would you do if you could not fail?

Thing short term. Thing long term. Think forest. Think trees. It’s about the big stuff – and the tiny inklings of desire.

♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥ STEP ONE: DREAM BIG. DREAM SMALL. Grab a pen and a timer. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath and get centered. Set the timer for ten minutes.

Brainstorm: Who do you want to be? What do you want to have? What do you want to create in this world?

Go with your heart.

Don’t overanalyze.

©Debra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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ÂŠDebra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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STEP TWO: NARROWING I T DOWN

It’s time to use that brilliant mind of yours to narrow things down. First of all, take a good look at your list. If there is anything that smacks of “my mamma would be proud if” or “my friends would be impressed if.” Cross it off. This list, darling is all about YOU.

It’s time to figure out what you’d like to consider doing, being, having or creating over the next 18 months. Look at your big list from above and choose 10 items from your list.

Carefully examine each one of those 10 items and ask yourself: Does this align with how I want to feel? If it doesn’t , cross it off your list.

This isn’t in stone, but I don’t want them to fall off the radar. Record them below along with a time line of when you want them to be accomplished.

Goals for the next 3 to 18 Months Goal

Time Frame 6 months, 12 months, 18 months, 3 years...

2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

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STEP THREE: CHOOSING A 3-MONTH GOAL Now it’s time to allow your mind to weigh in. This is your life, darling. YOUR plan.

If it passes these two questions, now ask yourself this: • •

WHEN do I believe this can go from dreams to reality? The next 3 months? The next 6 months? In a year? Three years? Be both realistic – while pushing yourself a little.

I want you to choose TWO items that you really want to hone in on over the next 3 months and record them below.

My Two 3-Month Goals Are….

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Part Three: Taking Action Breaking It Down & Taking Action

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“Living never wore one out so much as the effort not to live.” –Anais Nin You can dream big. You can create soulful intentions. You can lay solid goals with milestones. But unless you take action, you’ll never realize your dreams, intentions or goals. If this sounds familiar, it’s because I gave you a big hint in Part Two when I shared that you get clear about how you want to feel and then you begin doing things that make you feel that way.

Yes, my dear, there is a very important component to living the life of your dreams… Actually living.

You can create novels and symphonies in your head, but until you put pen to paper and record them, you’re not a writer nor a composer. You’re a dreamer. Don’t get me wrong. I love dreaming. I’m a huge fan of day dreams. I applaud you being a dreamer.

But I want you to achieve your dreams, and you aren’t going to be able to do that unless you take

action.

It can seem so daunting from the surface and I know it can feel really scary.

It’s time to begin to make those dreams and goals you’ve chosen a reality. How? By approaching it the way you would eat an elephant. Not in one single giant bite, but little pieces that are easier to swallow.

You see, you don’t one day wake up and your dream has magically come true. Nope. You wake up and realize that you are living your dream because you’ve done the work to make it happen. The actual way to achieve big dreams is to take tiny steps forward. Recognize that sometimes a step forward may mean a step back as well. When you break down the steps of what needs to be done to achieve a goal, then it removes big pieces of your fears. Better yet? You’ve created your very own road map to achievement. And this is where the real magic happens, darling.

You create a life that is truly a dream come true. And you live it.

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My Three-Month Goal Breaking it Down! Reaching a goal may seem daunting, until you realize that the journey is truly begun with a single step. In order to help you reach your goal, brainstorm the actions and steps you can take towards achieving your dreams.

My 1st 3 Month Goal is: __________________________

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

ÂŠDebra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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My 2nd 3 Month Goal is: __________________________ 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.

ÂŠDebra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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Conclusion

"What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals." --Henry David Thoreau

Are you proud of yourself for taking steps to create a life you love? I’ve seen this process work time and time again. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Save this workbook and be open to repeating this process again.

About once a quarter, I take stop of where I am. I review current goals, evaluate my action steps, ask myself if the desired feeling I chose still matches how I want to feel, and update my goals.

Email or Call a trusted friend or mentor and share not only your top two goals, but how you want to feel. Sharing helps you seal your intention. It will help you stay accountable when your goals are feeling all kinds of scary. If you’d like put your goals “out there” and aren’t ready to share it with a friend, don’t hesitate to reach out. (Drop me an email at: debra@debrasmouse.com )

If you want help for your journey – and someone to help hold you accountable, I offer a variety of coaching plans designed to fit your life (and budget).

♥ Hunka Burning Love: A Year of Support & Accountability - You choose the number of sessions that fit your lifestyle (and budget) and we’ll create an amazing year together for a life you love. ♥ Full-Speed-Head: Classic Coaching Plans – a 3-month commitment with weekly or biweekly coaching sessions. ♥ Love & Pixie Dust – A La Carte Coaching Options – single session, half-day planning intensives or full-day in person

If you’re looking for a group program, check out Make Your Inner Sex Kitten Roar – a 12-month Intimate Group Coaching Circle for Women . The next circle opens April 22, 2013 and details can be found here.

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Closing Thoughts

I know that this process can feel super scary. Sometimes, it can cause you to believe that you are reinventing yourself. I can tell you from experience that every bit of the fear is worth it. In the long run, it means that you are learning to choose between love or fear. And baby? I will choose love every single time.

To be in alignment with the belief that living my best life means continually improving, I’m willing to get vulnerable and make a request for feedback on this book. Would you be (please) willing to offer your thoughts on Create a Life You Love: 3 Steps to Achieving Your Heart’s Desires.

And a final note of gratitude to YOU. I feel gratitude down to my toes for your presence in the world and for sharing your time with me. Much love,

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"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours. It is an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins."

â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Bob Moawad

ÂŠDebra Smouse Coaching http://debrasmouse.com

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