L.E.A.D.E.R.S by dedytien

L.E.A.D.E.R.S Becoming a Leader, People Love to Follow

L.E.A.D.E.R.S © Copyright 2022 Dedy Ti’en All Rights Reserved. No part of this publication or the information in it may be quoted from or reproduced in any form by means such as printing, scanning, photocopying or otherwise without prior written permission of the copyright holder.

“It is only when you have learned the art of leading yourself that you can truly lead others.” - Dedy Ti’en

DEDICATION I dedicate this book to my beautiful partner Valery. Without your support this book would not have been written.

TABLE OF CONTENTS Preface

My Meeting With A Leadership Mentor

Chapter 1 Leaders Are Great At Listening

Chapter 2 Leadership Is About Empathy

Chapter 3 Authenticity Is A Quality Of A Great Leader 50 Chapter 4 A Great Leader Dares To Dream Big

Chapter 5 Encourage Others And Themselves In A Loving And Empowering Way 95 Chapter 6 A Good Leader Takes Full Responsibility

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Chapter 7 A Great Leader Thinks of Others

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A PERSONAL NOTE FROM DEDY TI’EN

The book you are now holding in your hands is the result of many interviews and mentoring sessions with great leaders I admire. These are the people whom I spoke with, studied, and interviewed. Please note that the message that I’m about to share will be delivered to you as a story. All the fictional characters are the product of my imagination. The main characters are Denny and Lena, his great mentor. And other seven extraordinary leaders who will guide and teach him the S.T.L.P (The Seven Timeless Leadership Principles) I have used the aid of a fictional story to present to you the principles required to become a leader people love to follow. Note that the principles, tactics, and tools that will be discussed along the way are real and applicable. This book offers you a solution that will serve as a transformational tool that aims to help you reach new heights in your leadership journey. Dedy Ti’en

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PREFACE

've listened to and spent time with many leaders that I admire greatly; when I interviewed them to discover what makes a great leader the answer has always been the same. “Lead yourself first.” What I have found from my years of studying great leaders and true changemakers is that; all of them possess these seven selfleadership principles in common. These principles are captured in the word; L.E.A.D.E.R.S L: LISTENING E: EMPATHY A: AUTHENTICITY D: DARING E: ENCOURAGEMENT R: RESPONSIBILITY S: SELFLESSNESS

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Many leaders that I've studied and interviewed are impeccable at listening, they understand that the art of listening is the foundation of their success in many different areas like relationships, life, and business. They find success by being able to listen attentively to the needs and wants of their partner, kids, and the people they lead. By being empathetic to where people are at. Fully understanding themselves and being their authentic selves. Daring to dream big and to devote their lives to a bigger cause. Encouraging not only themselves but everyone that surrounds them to be all that they can be. Taking absolute personal responsibility for their actions as they fully understand, they are responsible for their reality. They understand the importance of being selfless, thinking of others and being of service. These are the seven leadership principles all great leaders have in common.

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“A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.” - Oprah Winfrey

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My Meeting with a Leadership Mentor

T WAS JUST ANOTHER DAY in the meeting room listening to the owner screaming at the top of his lungs as to the lack of quality of service we had provided to the clients. I was working as a retreat relation and operational manager in a luxury villa. The villa was of a five-star standard with regards to delivering service, the expectation of a worldclass service was demanded from us. The clients we served were CEOs and leaders from companies such as Fortune 500. For some strange reason whatever we did was never good enough in the eyes of the clients or the owner. I was ready to give up, no one could handle the agonizing screaming accompanied by lack of direction, clarity, and involvement in a disorganized organization. There was no ownership.

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Everyone blamed each other, and no one wanted to step up and be the leader. Including me. As I was sitting in my favorite cafe contemplating and looking for answers as to whether I should give up the job or continue. A woman with a gentle touch tapped my shoulder. It was one of our guests who had come to Bali for one of the 40-day retreats. She sensed that I was distressed, and she asked if she could join me. I gladly said ‘yes’. As a retreat relation, I would spend most of my time organizing and scheduling appointments and socializing with guests and this guest; Lena is one of the kindest people I've ever met. She is very compassionate and understands where people are at and is fun to be around. I expressed my frustration, anger about the lack of communication of the team, and the lack of direction. Lena was very accommodating; she gave me her undivided attention and listened attentively to what I had to say.

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“I hear you,” said Lena. “What I'm hearing is that you are frustrated, because there is a lack of communication, direction, and leadership in the organization.” As she reflected on what I had said. “Yes,” I responded with disappointment. “Are you open for me to give you some suggestions?” asked Lena. “Yes, please.” I responded with excitement as Lena was the CEO of one of the biggest financial firms in the US with over 500 people within the organization to whom she had led. “Leadership starts from YOU. The first and foremost crucial step is to lead yourself first. If you observe all the great companies that are successful most of them have employees that take full responsibility. You see... Denny, you can blame the organization, the circumstances, the people, or you can take full responsibility, but you don't get to do both.” she said. She continued, “The ability to see the man in the mirror and ask what part did I play that

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caused the breakdown in the communication is vital. The organization is like an orchestra or a band. If one person is out of tune, let's say the guitarist, the outcome of the sound would be chaotic, would you agree?” “I agree,” I responded while pondering the metaphor. “Denny, you know running an organization is more than just telling people what to do. You must develop leadership skills. knowing yourself, and understanding where people are at, their motivation, what inspires them to act is crucial to run a successful company.” She continued; “I am happy to introduce you to the concept called the S.T.L.P method.” “What's the S.T.L.P method?” I asked curiously. “Before I share it with you, I want you to commit to something. I want you to commit to teaching this method once you master it. Picture this…” Lena leaned forward and said, “What would the situation look like once you have mastered the S.T.L.P Method and 8

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have run an organization that is productive, alive, and efficient at all levels. How would it feel if once you have mastered this method that the people that you lead will fall in love with you and become your loyal followers? Imagine a time where you don't need to say a word, and everything is accomplished on its own. Picture a time where you are so connected with the people you lead that you experience a meaningful connection because you are so connected to each other at the deepest level.” “Oh wow... I want to experience that with the people I lead. Where should I begin?” I spoke. “Yes, I am fully committed to teaching the S.T.L.P method once I've mastered it.” I responded with excitement. “Good, before we get into the S.T.L.P method there are two things that you must do in order for you to be able to go through the process.” “Go through the process?” I questioned. “Yes, there are seven steps you need to go through in order for you to master the S.T.L.P

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method and seven teachers that you must meet.” “Seven teachers?” I inquired. “Yes, and they are all around the world.” “Around the world?” I continued her last sentence. “Yes, around the world Denny.” Lena responded with conviction. “Those are two things that you need to do for you to be able to learn the S.T.L.P method. Meet the seven teachers and travel around the world.” “Since you are already committed to mastering the S.T.L.P method and are willing to teach the method to the world, we will begin tomorrow.” “How can I travel around the world and meet all seven teachers if I barely get by with my monthly salary?” I commented. “Don't worry, all your expenses will be taken care of. It's a gift from me and the seven teachers. We've been looking for someone for us to pass on this leadership knowledge to, but we 10

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haven't found anyone right or suitable, until today.” “Why do you think I am the one?” I asked. “Because I believe in you, I see the unrealized potential within you that you haven't tapped into but when you do you will be astonished at what you can do.” “Thank you for believing in me and seeing the potential in me. That means a lot to me.” I responded with deep respect. “You are welcome. Get ready Denny! Your journey is starting now.” Lena stood up as she said this and walked away. The next day I got a text message from Lena to meet her at an old building next to the public cemetery. I wasn't expecting to meet at such a peculiar place. As I walked through the cemetery, I couldn't help but ponder about the lives of the deceased. I had a deep wave of gratitude wash over me as I began to remember that we are never guaranteed tomorrow and how short life really is.

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There she was inside the building wearing black glasses that gave her an ‘intellectual look’ that I admired. She was waiting patiently for my arrival gazing at the tombs in deep thought. I approached quietly in my demeanor to not disturb her train of thought. In her hand there were two envelopes, one was red, and the other was green. She turned to look at me. She asked me to choose one of the two envelopes. “Before you choose, I'd like to explain to you how the game is played,'' Lena exclaimed with excitement. “If you choose the red envelope, you will go back to your normal life and continue to do what you do as usual with no responsibilities. If you choose the green envelope, you'll have to give up the world that you know and where you will also face many challenges and obstacles. I warn you,” Lena continued “If you decide to choose the green envelope there is no turning back and you will make a lot of sacrifices. So, choose wisely.” I paused for a moment and pointed my index finger to the green envelope. As I opened it, it

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read: S.T.L.P the Seven Timeless Leadership Principles.

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The principles written in the green envelope were as follows. Principle 1: Listening Leaders are great at listening Principle 2: Empathy Leadership is about Empathy Principle 3: Authenticity Authenticity is a quality of great leader Principle 4: Daring A great leader dares to dream big Principle 5: Encouragement Encourage others and themselves in a loving and empowering way Principle 6: Responsibility A good leader takes full responsibility Principle 7: Selflessness A Great Leader Thinks of Others

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Chapter 1

“There is a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.” -Rumi

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Leaders are Great at Listening

ENA THEN HANDED ME a new envelope.. As I opened the first envelope that said L.I.S.T.E.N on it, I found that inside it had a plane ticket and a hotel room reservation. My journey had just begun, and I needed to pack my things and head off to the airport to go to India. In India, I found out that I would have the honor of visiting the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel that was built in 1903 and considered to be one of the finest hotels of the east. It was planned that I would be meeting my first teacher Leoni at the Taj Mahal. I entered the famous Taj Mahal Palace; it was the most magnificent symmetrical building I had ever seen. The lady who waited for me at the receptionist greeted me by saying

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“Namaste” and did a slight bow of the head. I greeted her in the same way to show I respected her culture. She was wearing a lovely green and red Indian sari. Her bright smile and welcoming presence made me feel at ease. I was struck by the overwhelming beauty of the building that nearly took my breath away. I was in awe of every detail of this magnificent architecture, and I could sense that it was created through love. I felt it as I walked through the building like a lost kid in wonder and amazement. The lovely lady escorted me to my room. When I arrived in my room, I was clueless as to what the next move would be. While I was pondering, suddenly the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there stood a tall, beautiful woman with a smile so big that if you were there, you’d feel as though the whole world was smiling at you. “Hi, I'm Leoni, you must be Denny.” the lady said. “Yes, I'm Denny.” I responded. “Can I come in?”

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“Yes of course. Come in”, I responded. “How's your flight?” Leoni asked with a face full of curiosity. “It was phenomenal. I couldn't be more ecstatic flying in business class. I am forever grateful to Lena for organizing all this.” “Yes, Lena is a very close friend of mine. She is a highly intelligent woman. She has dominated the financial industry with her cunning and yet stylish self-leadership fashion.” Leoni expressed this information with great admiration as if the two were sisters. “Today we are going to talk about the first principle in the S.T.L.P Method. The First Principle is the only principle that will contain all the other principles. If you master the first principle, you'll soon realize all the other principles will naturally just fall into place.” she spoke. The sudden sound of a loud bike crossing over the road interrupted the flow of our conversation. I believed it was one of those Harley Davidson bikes.

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“I’m excited to learn more about the first principle,” I said. “I know you are Denny but be patient because patience is the highest virtue of a great leader. When you combine patience and the ability to observe, it forms the first principle. The first principle can be summarized in the word LISTEN.” “The L in listen…” Lena continued “stands for LEAD YOURSELF. Lead yourself first.” She continued to discuss and share with me the notions behind leading yourself. She said that the ability to lead yourself first was extremely potent. That we cannot lead others or nations if we fail to do the basic requirements such as self-leadership. Starting from the basics such as exercising daily, eating healthy and being productive show that you are leading yourself first. Also following through with your words and commitments she explained, if you are going to say you’re going to do something, do it.

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“I see, I must learn how to lead myself first before I can lead others.” “Yes, the more you learn how to lead yourself, the more you will understand your needs and your wants. You will soon realize that everyone around you has the same needs and wants. They want to be treated with love and respect, same as you. They want happiness, health, and wealth, the same as you. There is no one on this planet that doesn't want health, or wealth. Leadership is all about seeing the vision of others and yourself and asking yourself, ‘Can I lead them to where they want to go?’ Leadership is not about telling them what to do or what not to do, that is the manager’s job. Leadership is about leading people to places they’ve never been or wouldn’t even dream of... Can you lead them there if you yourself have never been?” “I don’t think so.” I replied. “Showing others what to do by example is the fastest route to inspire others,” Leoni continued. “Leadership is about letting people realize that nothing is impossible. Leading by example also can change people’s behavior, 22

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unless they see what you say and what you demonstrated is congruent, they are not going to buy into it. “ Leoni then went on to tell me, “If you want them to be the most positive human being then be that person first. If you want them to be happy, then be happy yourself. If you want them to follow you, you must first convince yourself to follow you. Ask questions such as would I want to be led by me? If the answer is no, why would anyone else? It doesn’t make sense, right?” “No, it doesn’t.” I answered. “So always remember the first and the most important step to being a great leader is to learn to lead yourself first and be the leader you want to follow.” “I love that, be the leader I want to follow.” I replied. “Yes, be the example you want to see and remember leadership starts from you. The I in the word listen will remind you of INTENTION. Having a crystal-clear intention of what kind of leader, you want to become and

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how to build yourself to become that leader. The most powerful tool to transform yourself and other people is showing by example, not by words.” She went on to say “Many people have great intentions and yet they don't lead by example. They say one thing and do another. Mahatma Gandhi referred to this message by saying ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world.’ “I understand the importance of having the intention and seeing clearly what kind of leader I want to become.” I interjected. “Yes, having a clear intention of what you want to become and the leadership style that you want to cultivate is absolutely crucial.” She replied. “This brings me to the S in the word listen. the S stands for SEEK, seek and you shall find as the old saying goes.” Leoni suggested that we should leave the Taj Mahal and head down to a cafe where she said they had the best masala chai in town. I was delighted to hear that as I had been looking

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forward to trying the most popular drink in India. I knew it would help me stay alert and focus on the lessons better. As we walked down the never-ending staircases, Leoni continued with her lesson. “Seek for what's going on beyond the appearance and look under the surface. Do not take people's smiles as the reality, being a leader, you must look beyond the mask to engage with people at the deepest level. If you practice this, it will deepen your relationships with people. Respect and admiration do not come because you have a title, it comes to you because you care to find out what the needs of the people are. As Teddy Roosevelt once observed, ‘Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.’ “Once someone knows that you care about them, you have their best interest at heart and you are willing to climb the mountain for them, once they know that you care, they will open themselves up to your influence and that’s what leadership is all about. Leadership is all about the game of influence, the ability to understand what's

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going on behind the mask and truly see what's not been said is imperative.” “As Stephen Covey said in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’” “Powerful insights,” I commented. “Great leaders are not only great at listening, but they are also great seekers,” Leoni summarized the lesson. “Would you like to try the Masala chai tea Denny?” “Yes please,” I responded with delight. Leoni and I walked towards the barista as he welcomes us with a gracious smile. Leoni put in an order and gestured for me to sit, and she continued with her lesson. “The T in the word Listen will remind you to THINK BIG, great leaders are those who think big, think small is the self-fulfilling prophecy. To lead others, we must cultivate the art of thinking big. Always think outside the box, challenge yourself and your team to always think big despite the odds. The level of productivity and performance within any organization depends upon the leader's way of looking at the 26

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organization. If the leader looks at it from his or her narrow point of view of life that's what they will create within the culture. If they think small, it reflects on the team performance, if they think big it will affect the overall productivity and the performance of the team.” “So, thinking big is a must to become a great leader,” I asked. “Yes. This brings me to the E in the listen and that is EXECUTE.” Said Leoni. “Great leaders are all about execution rather than excuses, they understand nothing will happen by talking and planning, real results matter to them. Whatever your intentions are, those intentions could just be listening attentively to your team or seeking to understand their needs, you must execute it daily to truly make an impact that lasts.” She continued “The N in the word Listen will remind you to NOURISH YOUR TEAM. Take the time to coach them, take the time to guide them. Nourishing them provides an opportunity for them to learn and grow. That's a true leader, to lead by example, lead yourself first.

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Set the correct culture by setting the right intentions, seek to understand what lurks underneath the surface. She concluded with “Think big and execute well and nourish your team and watch them grow. So, remember, the word ‘listen’ when you think of the first S.T.L.P method. I must go Denny as my driver is waiting for me, you will go to Spain to meet Emily.” ''Spain?” I responded. “Yes, here is your plane ticket. you have one week to enjoy India before you go to Spain, so I suggest you make the most of your time while you’re here, and it was a pleasure meeting you.” “The pleasure is all mine,” I responded feeling completely full of gratitude. She gave me a hug, turned around and walked away towards the car park, leaving me pondering the first principle and that is to listen. L: Lead yourself I: Intention S: Seek for the Truth T: Think Big E: Execution Over Excuses N: Nourish 28

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Chapter 2

“Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another.” -Alfred Adler

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Leadership Is About Empathy

S I ARRIVED AT THE Airport, in Palma, Spain I saw my name was on the placard as I walked toward the gentleman and introduced myself, he welcomed me and ushered me towards a car. That one week I had in India was the most incredible week of my life. I spent most of the time meditating and soul searching. I thought it was a perfect place to connect with my higher self. I found out that the gentleman that greeted me at the airport was named Roy. Roy took me through Palma and into the countryside for a couple of minutes. Soon we saw the sea and were headed towards a port. We embarked on a boat and set off towards the horizon. We traveled to a small island named Cabrera, a village where Emily lived. The drive around the meandering roads was magnificent. All I could see were grandiose

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buildings with beautiful interior designs and elegant features. “Emily is waiting for your arrival sir,” said Roy. “Thank you for your help”, I replied as I stepped out of the car. “Emily lives in that house,” Roy pointed out to a building a short distance away. I took my bag from the boot of the car and walked towards the building. Roy turned his car around and drove away. Emily was ready to welcome me as she stood at the front of the building door gesturing that I walked towards her in double time. She looked like a wise lady in her 60's that I knew I could learn a lot from. “You must be Denny.” She welcomed me. “Yes, I'm Denny, and you must be Emily.” She greeted me with quite a firm handshake for someone of her age. “Yes, come in. I am the one who is going to teach you the second principle of the S.T.L.P” Emily responded.

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“Welcome to Spain.” “Thank you,” I exclaimed. “Just hang your jacket on that hanger and come with me.” As I followed her towards the kitchen, she began her lesson. “The second principle that you will be learning is contained in the word empathy.” “You people love your acronyms I must say,” I commented. “Yes, acronyms, alliteration, and mnemonic are the most powerful tools to use to memorize concepts, ideas and to remember things,” Emily responded. “The E in empathy will remind you to EMBRACE DIFFERENCES. The very first thing to remember is that we are all so very different, we have our own uniqueness and flavor, extraordinary talents, and gifts. Respecting our differences is so important to be a great leader you must learn to not only recognize but embrace differences. For example, the way people work is different from one another. The way people lead considering their background, knowledge and experience is

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also different. If you can understand and embrace people's differences, it gives you the competitive edge to lead others.” The smell of a delicious pie, wafted from the oven made my stomach grumble as Emily poured the hot water into the teacup. She continued. “As you open your mind to embrace differences in people you will soon realize the most empowering way to connect with others is through respect for their individuality. We all have different needs and wants. There is no doubt in that. The ability to understand these differences is such an important skill to develop.” She handed me a warm cup of tea. “What you need to understand is that the globe is getting smaller, Denny, with technology we can connect with people from all over the world in a matter of seconds. Learning how to get along with people is crucial if you want to succeed in any endeavor.” She was right. The world has changed dramatically in the last 50 years. We should use

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this advancement in technology to enhance our understanding of people. “This leads me to the second letter of the acronym. The M in the word empathy will remind you to MINGLE with people from all walks of life. To mingle is to understand someone who thinks and behaves differently than you and yet you still have the compassion to listen and not to judge, when you develop the ability to mingle with people from all walks of life you soon realize that all of us want the same thing.” She said this last line as she walked over to the oven and peaked inside to check on the food and if it was ready to come out. My mouth started to water. All this information and lessons were making me very hungry. “When you can truly connect with people who are different from you, Denny, and can adapt, respect, accept, and allow yourself to be curious about the differences of everyone, that is true leadership. Once you open to embrace differences, willing to mingle with people from different cultures, races, and religions you will

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soon realize that the door of opportunity will inevitably open in your life.” Emily sliced the hot baked goods into sections and handed me a plate. I took one delicious bite and it made me think. Enjoying and understanding cuisines from all over the world is like connecting with different people. The world is full of delicacies waiting for you if you are just willing to try and take a bite. “The P in the word empathy should remind you to PRACTICE seeing different points of view. As a leader you don’t have to always become someone who will solve all the problems that the people you lead will encounter, instead seeing their point of view and planting a seed on how things can be improved.” Emily said. “What do you mean by planting a seed?” I asked. “Let me give you an example so you can see it clearly. When someone is unconscious, they don’t know what they don’t know, right? As a leader perhaps you can see their mistakes or see the things that are blocking them from

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reaching their goals and full potential. People don't like for others to point out their flaws as they are already hard enough on themselves. You know the saying that you are your own worst critic, and most people are not eager to change. However, if you plant a seed by showing by example, by being the change you wish to see in them you will soon realize that change will occur on its own.” “I see,” I responded. “So, the ability to see the other person’s point of view is crucial to be a great leader?” “Yes,” Emily exclaimed. “How can you lead someone if you don’t see what they see? You see, all of us have different perceptions, experiences, moods, and upbringing. That means we see the same thing in a different light, to have compassion for one another and practice seeing how the other person must be feeling and how they experience the world is imperative.” I finished the last bite of the pie. It was so tasty. Emily continued her lesson.

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“The A in the word empathy will remind you AWARENESS is the doorway to become a great leader.” She collected the plate and cutlery from me and placed it into the sink. “Awareness is the greatest agent for change Denny. To change something, you must know what it is that you want to change. Awareness always leads to better decisions and when you make a better decision you will soon see a better result in your life.” She was so right I thought. “As a leader it is crucial to have selfawareness. You will only have self-awareness when you are willing to learn and engage in ongoing self-improvement, developing yourself to your fullest potential. So that you grow into the powerful leader that you are.” Emily offered to refill my cup with tea, I gladly accepted. I knew we still had a few more letters to go and I would still need fuel to pay attention and fully understand the lessons. Emily started speaking again. “This leads me to the T - TRUST the intuition. A good leader is less about intellect but more about intuition. Lead from your heart and not your head.” 39

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Emily paused and looked out towards the windows and we both saw that the sun was falling in the sky. It was going to be a beautiful sunset. Emily ushered us to go and sit outside to watch as I continued to listen. “When we are dealing with people we are dealing with creatures with a variety of emotions, and therefore we need to understand that whatever action we take, whatever decision we make will affect not only us but the people we lead and the people that they lead, causing a ripple effect. Your intuition somehow already knows what you want when you learn to listen and tune into the inner voice within you and remember everyone has this ability.” “Wow”, I said. I had never thought about it in that way. “Denny perhaps you can relate, when you are about to do something, you can hear your inner voice inside you directing you. Listen to your intuition and follow it.” Emily replied. “So, what you are saying is I must follow my intuition when I lead others?” I responded.

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“That’s right! Many people read books and trust their teacher but never themselves”. Emily continued. “You must learn to reclaim your power through listening attentively to the voice inside you. It somehow knows where it should be going”. She said, “Deep down inside you-you know what the right thing to do is but most of us neglect that powerful self and that powerful voice we have within, that has the wisdom that can solve most of our challenges. You see, the more that you understand yourself the better your leadership skills will become. To know yourself you must learn how to listen to your intuition within yourself.” Emily finished. We stopped for a few minutes and just stared off into the horizon watching the sun slowly setting, adding a wide range of colors across the sky. The lessons Emily was teaching me were processing through my mind. “When you do”, Emily continued speaking whilst looking off into the distance, “you create harmony within yourself and that is what the H in the word empathy will remind you of and that HARMONY can be found

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within you and all around you. Having the mindset of being in harmony with yourself is crucial. You must learn how to be in tune with your true self to create harmony and that is through listening. Listening to the inner voice which I refer to as your intuition. Listen to that inner voice that lurks at the core of your being. The voice that is yearning to express itself. “ The sun finally set over the Greek island. We decided to get back up and head inside and there was a slight chill in the air now the sun had set. “This has led me to the final letter, the letter Y in the word empathy and that is YES TO THE UNKNOWN. To understand more about yourself you must learn to go to the depths of your being which is the unknown, the unknown within you. If the known things are familiar to you, you already know the things in the known, therefore it is important to say yes to the unknown. Through the unknown you can experience feelings of aliveness, happiness and vibrancy that emerge from the unknown.” I looked at Emily puzzled and confused. She could tell I still had questions about this 42

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final stage of the method and so she continued to explain to me in further detail. “Say yes to the unknown by going to the place you’ve never been, read books that you would not normally read, break your patterns by doing different things, break free from your daily routine, say what you want when you want to say it, be who you want to be.” I thought to myself that of course she was making so much sense. How had I not thought about this before? “The more that you step out into the unknown and be ok with that is the moment you step up to the whole new level of leadership.” Emily explained with so much passion. “Being able to become comfortable with being uncomfortable and seeing challenges as opportunities. Leadership is about painting a picture of possibility so the question is can you paint that picture as a leader? The only way you can paint a picture of possibility is by going and visiting the unknown new territory in your mind.” I nodded my head in agreement.

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“Let me summarize the second S.T.L.P principles for you and perhaps we can have a glass of wine? She asked. “Yes, that sounds wonderful” I said. She went to the wine rack and picked out a bottle. “Actually, can you summarize the steps and what they stand for?” Emily asked with a big smile on her face as she opened a bottle of red wine. “Ok let’s see if I can still remember the acronyms.” I then listed off what the acronym empathy meant. E. Embracing differences M. Mingle with people from all walks of life P. Practice seeing different point of view A. Awareness is the doorway to great leadership T. Trust your intuition H. Harmony within and without Y. Yes to the unknown.”

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“You got it Denny, use these principles to be a great leader. If you apply these principles consistently into your life you will be amazed at what's going to happen in your personal and professional life. Denny, in a couple of days you catch a flight, and you will go to America to meet your third teacher. His name is Anthony. He will be in contact with you very soon, now let’s enjoy the night and finish this bottle of wine.” Emily chuckled. “I am so grateful for this Emily, thank you for all the lessons.” “No, thank you for committing to yourself to learn all the T.S.L.P method and being willing to share it with the world.” We enjoyed the evening and chatted about her interesting past that made her seem so colorful and wise. Now I knew why she was the one chosen to deliver the second principle. As she was one with the message, that she was the living breathing example of the very thing that she explained and taught me about. We continued late into the night talking and sharing stories of the past. I felt a cozy

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feeling inside the white stone house, the feeling of warmth from the sleeping oven, the dim light that projected yellow color throughout the room, pulled me even deeper into the moment as I listened attentively to Emily’s story early into the morning.

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Chapter 3

“Be fearlessly authentic.” -Dedy Ti’en

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Authenticity is a Quality of a Great Leader

WOKE UP THE NEXT morning with my mind racing from all the information I collected from the night before. I packed my bag, gave Emily a kiss on the cheek to show my appreciation and she patted my hand. Roy was waiting outside to pick me up to take me back to get onto my next flight. The journey to this foreign land was short but sweet, I had learned so much in such a short period of time. As we traveled towards the airport, I was quiet just staring out of the window and contemplating the lessons Emily had given me. I boarded the plane headed for the land of the free and fell asleep instantly. It was not only my body that needed a rest but my mind also. I arrived at the LAX airport known as the busiest airport in the United States after several hours of a deep sleep on the plane. The airport is known for having four parallel runways that can hold four airplanes at one time! So, you can

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imagine there were people everywhere. Marching from here to there like a swarm of ants. It was astonishing to see an airport with such a huge capacity. As where I come from, that many people in one place just does not exist. Little did I know more surprises awaited me as I approached the exit and started to look for someone with my name. There were so many people shouting ‘taxi’ and people were hustling and bustling past. I spotted a man who held the placard with my name on. He was a strong looking man with a tight chiseled jaw and serious looking face that sent everyone that saw him the message; ‘don't mess with me’. He looked like a soldier perhaps in his early forties. If you have ever watched wrestling or came across an episode you may perhaps know the celebrity, John Cena, that’s the look he gave off. I didn't have the audacity or bravery to say hello and to head over to him as I started to doubt myself. I was feeling intimidated. I sat close to the arrival section peering through the crowds of people to wait and see 51

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there were two people holding two names for ‘Denny from Bali.’ It was no surprise that there was only one. Our eyes met. He looked at me with curiosity and walked up to me and said, “Are you Denny?” “Yes, I’m Denny”, I said with uncertainty. “I’m Anthony, nice to meet you, Denny.” I was surprised and shocked that it was Anthony and that he came to meet me himself instead of sending an assistant or a driver. “Oh ok, so you saw me holding your name and you didn’t come up and say hi?” He asked. “Honestly I was a little intimidated and I was doubting myself when I first saw you.” I replied uneasily. “Well kid, looks like we have to jump to the third part of the S.T.L.P method right away.” Anthony responded. As soon as he mentioned that I was sure he was the man that I was supposed to meet.

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He motioned me to follow him to the car park. “The third lesson of the T.S.L.P method is surrounded by the word ‘AUTHENTIC.” This man wasn’t wasting any time. I chased after his gigantic strides towards the car park as he started with the first letter of the new acronym. “The A in authentic will remind you of the word AUDACITY. The audacity to speak up even when your voice shakes, the audacity to express yourself fully.” As we walked into the carpark towards his car, I was taken back by what I saw. I had never seen anything like it. In Front of us in the middle of the airport carpark was a humongous vehicle with an army camouflage paint job all over it. “Jump in Denny, let’s go for a long ride.” Said Anthony. I put my bag into the backseat and hopped into the passenger seat. Anthony revved the engine, and we took off out of the airport and onto the road. “You see Denny, '' continued Anthony as we were traveling, “you have the responsibility

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to show up, to bring out the best that is in you. No one can do it for you, you must do it for yourself. However, if you don’t have the audacity to step up and express yourself then the world will not recognize your existence.” We stopped at a traffic light, and he turned to say to me, “If you want to be the leader that others inspire to be, you must first be the walking talking example of that. Let me give you an example; let’s say you want to ask someone to do something for you, when you ask them if they can perform the task and finish it in a specific time, they say yes, they can do it. However, when it comes the time to review the work, they say to you they haven’t done as they have forgotten about it, would you have the audacity to speak up or would you just let it go?” The traffic light turned green, and he revved the engine again and took off. Passers stared at the car. “You see, you must have the audacity to speak up and call them out on their inefficiency in performing their task right.”

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“Right,” I replied. “However, audacity without understanding is the same as the blind leading the blind.” He said. “What do you mean?” I questioned Anthony’s statement. “Well, let’s get into it.” He laughed. “By the way, that’s what the U in the word Authentic stands for, it stands for UNDERSTANDING. Take this scenario for example, say your teammate doesn’t perform the task how you want them to do. Would you just come from the place of audacity and bombard them with what you want them to do, or would you come from the place of understanding? Understanding as to why they have behaved like they have.” Anthony was right; it was a long drive across the highway. He continued with his lesson. “Let me tell a story that perhaps you can gain lessons about understanding. When I was your age before I got into the Navy seals, I used to go to acting classes.” 55

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I was shocked to hear this as I couldn’t imagine a big man like himself acting, “One day it was time to perform my part in the acting class, I was so excited about it. So, I rehearsed what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. The time for action came but after I performed, my director wasn’t happy with me. He said, ‘You must let go of your color if you want to truly understand the art of acting’. I was really confused as to what he meant by this. So, I asked my director, ‘What do you mean by letting go of the color?'’ He replied by saying ‘How do you understand the color pink if you are still in the red color or try to bring your red color into the color pink?’ I still didn’t know what the director meant, and he could see the confusion in my face and eyes. ‘Let go of all your assumptions about how it should look, instead respond to what’s in front of you so you can deeply understand your task.’ The director said.” Anthony cleared his throat and looked at me. “From that simple statement, I understood that I had to let go of any preconceived notion of understanding for me to truly understand 56

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what my acting task was. I applied this notion in the same way I lead and run my business. You see, Denny, to lead you must simply be and there is no need to bring your color into that relationship. All you need to do is be neutral and observe. You will soon realize deeper understanding comes from different dimensions; you see things clearer, from a higher perspective.” We pulled into a fast-food drive-in. I was thankful as I was hungry after that long flight. We ordered some burgers and fries and parked up waiting for our food to be delivered. Anthony continued talking as we waited for the food. “When I led my five-man team in the Navy Seals, I understood that to run a successful operation we must work as a team. The only way that we could work together as a team was that we must understand each other's position, physically, emotionally, and mentally. To do that successfully I had to let go of my assumptions of what I thought I knew about them. I had to respond depending on what the moment was like and what was required of me. I know it's deep but bear with me Denny.”

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“I’m paying attention,” I blurted out with confidence. There was a knock on the window as a server stood outside with our food and drinks. Anthony passed food over to me and took a big slurp of his drink. “Don’t tell the wife about this, she is busy making dinner at home.” Anthony laughed. I laughed too and promised. “This has led me to the T in the word Authentic and that is TRUST YOURSELF. When we finally arrived at Anthony’s house, there was a sign greeting us which read ‘trespassers will be prosecuted.’ There were two large dogs waiting outside the door and a woman, which I assumed was Anthony’s wife, standing in front of the door waiting to welcome us. “, this is my wife, Margaret.” Anthony gestured towards her. “Hi Margaret, nice to meet you.” “Nice to meet you too Denny,”

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“You know my name?” I was shocked. “Yes, Lena is a good friend of ours. So of course, I have already heard so much about you.” Margaret commented. “Come on guys”, as Margaret gave a passionate hug and kiss to Anthony. It was beautiful to witness such a romantic gesture of love and devotion. “What part are we up to?” Asked Margaret. “We are up to trusting ourselves.” Anthony replied “Oh, I love that part,” said Margaret. I thought to myself, did she also know the T.S.L.P method? As we sat at the table Anthony continued with his lesson. “In order for you to be able to respond to what is, you must first trust yourself. If you don't, what happens is that you will always second guess everything that you do. Reclaim your power by believing in what you see and in your ideas. No one on this planet will believe in you until you believe in you. No one will trust you, until you trust in yourself. There is an inner voice that knows everything. The truth is that you are the truth and if you look for the truth,

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else where you will always be deceived, we will cover this later but for now I want you to really understand the importance of trusting yourself because without this one thing, nothing will work in your life. Trusting yourself is the cornerstone of all leadership success.” “Trusting yourself is the cornerstone of all leadership success,” I recited the last sentence Anthony had just said. Margret got up and collected some placemats and laid them out on the table in front of us. Anthony caught my eye and winked. I let out a little laughter. Anthony laughed too. “Yes, Let’s say you have a brilliant idea about building the next enterprise business that will shake the business industry or come up with a leadership principle that the world has never heard of and yet you don’t trust that your idea would work, what do you think would happen?” “Well, I think I’d stay in the same spot.” I answered. “That’s right, you must trust yourself to build that business or start new ideas. You see,

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someone will be elected to be the next president, why not you? Someone will be the next New York best-selling author, why not you? Someone will come with a new idea that will transcend human consciousness. Why couldn’t it be you? Once you learn to trust yourself the next step is to look at what’s preventing you from expressing who you truly are - your truth and the knowing of where your heart is.” Margret chimed in with an ‘Amen’ and raised her hands to the ceiling. It was quite clear that this was her favorite point. Anthony didn’t want to stop there and he continued speaking, “Heal and let go of the things that hurt you and that’s the H in the word Authentic. HEAL YOUR HEART. Many leaders that I have encountered and sometimes I have worked with, were very good at what they did and they were relentless in their pursuit of excellence and yet their personal life was in a state of disaster. There is just one simple reason, they didn’t learn or have the capacity to heal themselves.”

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I closed my eyes and took in this last sentence from Anthony. I pondered to myself. Had I healed myself? Did I still have some issues I need to resolve? “Heal yourself first if you want to lead others in a healthy way,” Anthony continued with his lesson. “Many narcissistic leaders only care about themselves, and this is not me judging them, it is simply an observation. I am saying that we all have the tendency within us to be narcissists so to be aware of that quality and understanding that we possess it, is the first step to transform from it. To lead others in an authentic way we must lead ourselves first and to lead ourselves we must understand who we are at the core, remember?” I did remember. Lead ourselves before we lead others. This was the main message that kept going on over and over in my head. Anthony cleared his throat and proceeded to tell me a story. “I was once at a restaurant with worldclass service, the waitresses were very friendly, and the chefs greeted you with big smiles on their faces as you entered. Margaret and I 62

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enjoyed the night so much that I went up to the maître d of the restaurant and asked if I could talk to the owner or the person in charge of this experience.” Anthony switched positions on the chair. “I found out it was the head chef who smiled when we walked in. I asked him what advice he would give to someone if they wanted to run a team that was as friendly and happy as his team.” I wondered what the chef answered. “The chef answered gracefully ‘Leadership starts from within if you are friendly, kind-hearted, loving so will the people you lead. To change the culture, you must first change yourself. Be the role model.’ His knowledge and this message have stayed with me ever since.” Anthony explained. I sighed. “I have a lot of anger built up in me. The last thing I feel like doing is to be friendly and kind-hearted,” I said. “I hear you Denny, I used to be an angry person too in my relationship with Margaret,” continued Anthony.

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“Yeah, that's for sure,” Margaret scalded playfully at Anthony. They both smiled and looked at each other. “When Margaret said that she needed some space I used to react terribly when my abandonment issues from my childhood reappeared. I struggled with it for years and became involved in the things that I was not proud of such as drinking, drugs, and womanizing. These happened for one reason: the unresolved past issue that still lived on in my heart and body. Until I learned to connect with my heart and learn to let go of all the past hurt from my heart. Don’t get me wrong sometimes, we don’t even know what past pain we have until someone triggers it in you. The dark side if you will, the part of you that you don’t even know exists.” I looked over at Margret and she gave a sad smile thinking about the past. Anthony was a walking example of healing himself to better his relationships, otherwise why was Margaret still there I thought. “And that leads us to the E in the word Authentic it stands for EMBRACING who you 64

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are, especially your dark side. As a human being it's in our innate nature that we all have the dark side. Perhaps you say something to someone that you wish you hadn’t, however the realization comes after that fact, or you scream at someone just because he or she behaves in a certain way. Our dark side sometimes lurks underneath the surface and yet sometimes we don’t even realize it exists. “I understand what you mean, sometimes I wish I hadn’t said the things I said to my exgirlfriend.” I commented. “Do you want to share about it,” Margaret asked. “Sure,” I responded. They both looked at me attentively. “When I was in a relationship, I would purposely hurt my girlfriend just because I was hurt. I’d do things that I knew would hurt her. Is that what you mean by the dark side?” I asked. “Yes, Anthony responded. “Whenever there is an intention to hurt someone, you can be sure that is the dark side wanting to come out

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and play. Remember the idea is to be aware of it and channel it into something productive. Let’s say you as a leader in your organization want to get things done, you can channel that energy towards making things happen instead of hurting our loved ones.” “I am not sure I fully understand what you mean.” I replied. “Embracing the dark when you see it, is the first step to free your entanglement with it. People that come to your life will become mirrors in which you see yourself. Some will draw the dark side from within you and some the light. When you are conscious of this you soon understand that all that has happened to you is for your own growth whether the events that have happened be good or bad. You will learn that people come into our lives to teach us a lesson that we need to learn. Those lessons could be about looking at our own dark side, or also about the things that we’ve been avoiding. Many people focus on trying to change the old without realizing that what they focus on expands, you can only transform something by embracing it fully whatever quality you have in

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you. If people call you manipulative, egoistic, selfish, see if you can embrace all the dark and the light aspects of that quality, that's when you can truly be set free.” “How so?” I questioned with curiosity. “When you say I’m not this or I’m not that what you are really doing is protecting yourself. So, all that energy that could be used to create the ‘new’ in you and let go of the old is being used to protect your self-image.” “I see, that’s what you meant by embracing your dark side.” I summarized. “Yes, the first step is to acknowledge that it’s there, once you accept the reality you soon realize that all of us as human beings embodied both qualities, as we cannot have right hand without the left and good without bad.” “So, what you are saying is I have the opposite quality in myself, I’m just good at hiding it?” I asked with curiosity. “That’s right, when you suppress your dark side, it will appear in another form, usually in anger and through lack of self-control. Have you ever seen someone upset and lose control 67

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in the moment? Usually that happens when people suppress their dark side for too long. People say, ‘I don’t know what came over me’. That’s why we have that expression.” “Yup, I know exactly what you’re talking about, my manager would often scream at us uncontrollably and now I know why, behind the anger there was a suppressed dark side.” I commented. “Please help yourself,” Margaret offered me a plate of delicious dinner. I hadn’t even noticed that she was busy getting different dishes out of pots and pans and plates. I was so engulfed with this lesson. It hit so close to home. “The turkey looks absolutely divine,” I commented. “Yeah, what I love most about Margaret is that she cooks a great meal,” Anthony commented with laughter as she touched Margaret’s shoulder and gave that look that said, ‘I love you’.

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“So, what does the N in the authentic stand for?” I asked after cutting through the soft turkey breast. “It stands for NURTURING YOURSELF. Taking some time out of your busy life to nurture yourself. To give what your soul, your body, and your mind need. To lead others, we must first learn to lead ourselves, to care for ourselves. Leadership is not all about leading others, but it also means leading and enjoying one’s own company.” Anthony paused to take a couple of bites of the food and made a mmm sound as he enjoyed it. “You see, if you don’t nurture yourself, who will? If you don’t know how to enjoy your company, who will? The primary relationship you need to have is with yourself, take the time to go to nature, take some time to give yourself the gift of tranquility in the early morning. When you wake up early you have more time to think and plan your day, you have time to look at your own thoughts and the things that are disturbing you. You will think more clearly about your life as you give yourself the gift of waking up early every morning.”

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I nodded my head agreeing to everything he said. I always felt so much better when I took a day off to just drive on my motorbike amongst nature. Anthony could see my thought process and continued, “Many people get up at say 8 am. They rush through their day, and they put themselves in a state of agitation and stress. You don’t want to put yourself in an unhealthy state. Part of being a leader is leading yourself by nurturing your body and giving yourself the time and care it deserves.” “Self-nurture is primordial if you want to lead your field and be great at what you do. You must take the time to give yourself that gift of self-nurturing. Imagine you drive a car, you stop changing the oil, stop doing maintenance and stop putting fuel into the car, do you think you can still run the car?” “I don’t think so,” I responded. “You don’t want to be that person who doesn’t put good nutritious food into the body, stop with maintenance such as having massages, meditating, and taking some time off

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to recharge. Also, you don’t want to be that person that is all work and no play. It’s like driving a car but never stopping for gas, you know sooner or later you will need it.” “'Now I see the importance of selfnurturing,’ I commented. “So, what does the T in the word Authentic stand for?” “It stands for TRUTHFULNESS, no matter what happens staying in your truth is the way to eliminate all misunderstandings. As a leader, you will come in contact with many situations that will clutter the way you see things or what I call the stained-glass window. When you see the world from your own limiting perspective and mistake it as reality. The truth is that your reality is your reality, your truth is your truth. When you are not being truthful, what happens is that you live by someone else’s truth, or the truth is distorted by your own point of view.” “I’ve always been curious as to what is the truth?” I asked as I took a big gulp of water. Learning was thirsty work.

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“Good question, Denny. Yes. What is the truth? How can you be truthful if you don’t know what the truth is? When you are aligned with what you do, and you feel good about it, that is your truth. When you are not aligned with what you do, it generates a lot of anger and the feeling of guilt and shame.” “So, when I feel guilt and shame it's because I’m not aligned with what I do?” “That’s right, or you live by someone else’s truth. Not living in alignment with who you truly are is the cause of the unnecessary suffering. Here is the fact, if we were to ask the question, what is the truth? The answer would be. You are the truth, the very being that you are is the truth. When you try to find it somewhere else, you’ll miss it.” “I am the truth?” I questioned. “Yes, you are the truth. No other truth exists other than you.” Wow. That statement hit me hard. I excused myself as I had finished my meal and wanted to head to the bathroom and wash my hands.

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When I came back into the dining room Anthony and Margret weren’t in the room. I could have laughter from the other room. I walked through to see Anthony leading his wife in a dance in their living room. They looked so in love. Anthony spun his wife around, kissed her on the forehead and then sat down in front of the fireplace. I joined and sat opposite him “This leads me to the next letter.” Anthony began “The I stands for INTUITION. You won’t be able to comprehend the truth through your mind. Truth can only be felt, and the way to access it is through your intuition. At times you will be able to sense that voice that comes from within who knows it. A great teacher a long time ago tried to convey the truth by altering these words. ‘I am the way, the truth, and life’. Intuitively you can sense that he does not speak of himself but instead he pointed out that the very being that you are is the truth. It’s the direct pointer to the truth. When you realize that, all your actions will be aligned with the truth. Our actions can reflect the truth or can reflect falsehood depending on the level of our understanding of the truth.”

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Margret handed me a crystal class, with a brown substance and ice. “Whiskey,” she whispered. “So, you are saying I should feel empowered by what I am saying. It feels very light to think from that point of view. I feel like I don’t need to do anything to find the truth or seek it somewhere outside of myself, instead just being the truth that I already am.” I spoke. Anthony nodded. “As a leader it is primordial to know the absolute truth of your being. Only then can you lead others to seek the truth within themselves. However, not everyone knows how to access their own truth. So, they cannot act from their intuition that allows them to be who they truly are.” He took a sip of his drink and clinked the ice around the class. “That's what brings us to the C in the word authentic which will remind you to always have COMPASSION.” Margret came to sit next to Anthony’s feet and stared into the fire.

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“Compassion is the driving force of successful leadership mastery. What we must understand is that we are all on different paths experiencing our own journeys of our life. The ability to see other people’s perspective with an open mind and compassion is the first characteristic needed to lead with authenticity. We must understand that no one on this planet is the exact same as another. We are all unique individuals with our own special way of creating and doing things.” “Yes, I agree,” I replied. “Condemning and criticizing others is not going to help you in leading them. It all starts from you. If you have greater compassion towards yourself when you discover that you have made a mistake, you will also have more towards understanding when others do the same. If you judge and condemn yourself, you will judge and condemn others.” Margret looked up longingly at Anthony, like she knew what he was going to say next.

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“Have you ever said to yourself whether consciously or unconsciously things like, ‘why am I so stupid,’ ‘why did I do that,’ ‘I am not worth it,’ ‘I can’t do it,’ ‘I can’t lead others,’ etc.” Anthony asked me. I held my head in my hands and nodded with embarrassment. “When we say these words to ourselves, we limit our ability to be the best version of ourselves that we can be as a leader. Take the courage to be compassionate with yourself and others as it will give you the leverage to connect with the people you lead at the deepest level.” “I see the point of being compassionate to myself and others as we all make mistakes. The ability to see the mistakes with the eye of compassion is the key to be a great leader that I can be,” I summarized what Anthony had just said. “Well, Denny looks like we have finished our lesson for the third T.S.L.P method, would you be opened to tell us what the acronym authentic stands for?” I said out loud what the word authentic meant in this lesson.

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Audacity Understanding Trust yourself Heal your heart Embrace your dark side Nurture yourself Truthfulness Intuition Compassion. As I exclaimed with utter joy Margaret looked at me with her hands anchored on her chin with a smile as to give the confirmation that I got the point of the lesson. “Well done, Denny, go and implement these lessons first on yourself before you teach it, when you practice what you preach, there’s power in what you’re preaching. Remember to lead yourself first. That's the foundation of the S.T.L.P method. Let’s enjoy our drinks and I will take you hunting tomorrow, Denny.” “Oh wow, I’ve never gone hunting before.” I replied 77

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“It’s going to be fun; Denny I promise.” Said Anthony “I’m excited, I’m looking forward to it, thank you very much for imparting the third lesson of the S.T.L.P method I am forever grateful.” I commented. “No sweat Denny, the pleasure is all mine. I love seeing how people grow into their full potential, I can see that in you. Keep going, you are doing a great job.” Exclaimed Anthony. “I will, Anthony,” I said with conviction. We all enjoyed each other's company for the rest of the evening and listened to country songs; I remember the lyrics to one particular song that went something like this. ‘It’s not what you take when you leave this world behind you. It’s what you leave behind you when you go’.

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Chapter 4

“Be daring. Be different. Be You.” -Cecil Beaton

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A Great Leader Dares to Dream Big

WEEK SPENT IN AMERICA was none other than a magical experience. Anthony and Margaret were very accommodating. It was time for me to travel and meet my next teacher, Darren in Athens. The oldest city in the world. The founder and home of democracy. I was excited to see what would lay ahead. The flight was long as I arrived in Athens International Airport Eleftherios Venizelos. I was to meet with my driver named Mr. Pelino. I was confused why I couldn’t have flown straight to Athens after being in Rome, it was so much closer. But I was sure this was just another lesson I was being taught. Mr. Pelino drove us to the Athens Capital Center Hotel. I looked around and was amazed by the old buildings and surroundings. It was said the city’s origins go back 3,400 years, which makes Athens the oldest European capital.

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I said my thanks to Mr. Pelino and took my leave to my room. I showered and went straight to sleep. I knew I would have an intense day when I would wake up. The next morning, I woke up and found a green envelope like those I saw at the start of my journey on the bedside table. Darren and I were to meet in the lobby at 9am sharp. I looked down at my watch to see it had just gone 7.am. I slept a full 15 hours. Jet lag was no joke. I showered, ordered some breakfast as room service, and sat down at the desk. I opened my notebook and started writing down anything and everything I could remember from the places I had already seen, the people and most importantly the lessons. Today was the first day in a while I felt fully recharged and ready to understand and learn more. I finished my breakfast, put down my pen and notebook and headed down into the lobby. A tall handsome looking man walked towards my direction and elegantly said “Let’s see, Denny.” The man said as he pointed his finger towards me.

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“Yes, I’m Denny.” I mimicked his style. “You must be Darren?” I asked. “That’s right. Welcome to Athens my friend.” “Oh, it’s great to be here, I’m excited to see and hear what’s in store for me.” “Well, we'll get to that in a bit, first of all, did you get a good night's sleep?” “Yes, I did.” I responded. “Great, that means we can go straight into the lesson, if you have a good night's sleep you can focus and concentrate more, that’s why getting a good night's rest is so important. Let’s go for a walk, Denny.” We walked away from the lobby towards a café next to the hotel, Darren started his lesson. “Your fourth T.S.L.P method can be easily remembered in the word DARE.” “Another acronym again?” I jokingly commented.

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Darren laughed “Of course, Denny, Acronyms are the best way to organize your thoughts and the thoughts of others.” Darren responded with a smile. It was a hot day in Athens, so we ordered some Ice Tea and sat outside in a quaint seating area surrounded with tall trees which gave a nice shadow and some protection from the hot sun. “The D in the word Dare will remind you to DREAM BIG Denny! To achieve anything great first one must dare to dream the impossible. Dreaming stretches your mind to see life from many points of view and that is the goal. When you can see life from many angles you soon realize that you have many options. The options to choose which route you want to take and travel on. When you are not expanding your horizon, you limit your options as to what’s possible.” The waiter walked over and handed us our drinks. I watched the ice slowly melt in the glass. What were my big dreams? I wondered. Darren looked at me, took a sip out of the straw and continued speaking. 84

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“All great achievements were once a dream. The dream of the Wright brothers to see metal fly in the air. The dream of 300 Spartan warriors fighting against the mighty army of Persians. The dream of Gautam Siddhartha (Buddha) to see mankind live in peace and harmony and he entered that dimension and introduced the idea to all of us. What’s your aspiration Denny, what do you want to create, what legacy do you want to leave behind? You don’t have to answer it now; however, it's a good question to ponder.” Could Darren read minds too? How did he know these were the questions inside my mind? “When you think outside the box, when you allow your mind to see reality from many points of view you soon realize that life is just a dream. Nothing more nothing less. When you realize that life is just a dream, you can create whatever you desire.” “Life is just a dream?” I questioned. “Yes, Denny, when you accept that you can shape your reality in whatever way you like, you soon realize, whether you dream big

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or small, at the end of the day it’s all just a dream.” I finished my last sip of the iced tea and sighed with happiness. It was so hot in Athens that I just needed something cool so that I could concentrate. “Some people dream of having a great family, others dream to live a legacy. Some dream to invent something that no one has ever done before. You might dream to become the greatest leader that the world has ever known. Or just a leader that the organization you led is proud of. Whatever might be, you must start from dreaming. Dare to dream big of the person you want to become, dare to challenge your own limiting beliefs that’s holding you back from becoming the best, the greatest leader you know. Dare to act on your dreams.” “I think right now I dream of something else cold.” I laughed. Darren laughed with me and called over the waiter again. This time he ordered some ice cream. “Take action Denny. That’s what the A in the dare will remind you of, to take massive

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ACTION. Dreaming without action is having no dream at all Denny. Action is the vital connection between dreaming and making it reality. You can dream all you want unless you take action on your dreams nothing will happen.” The waiter came over with two big bowls of ice cream, sauce, and nuts on top. It was exactly what I needed. Darren continued his lesson. “Once you have the vision of the leader you want to become, the next step is to implement it. It is only through implementation where the actual learning and development takes place. If there’s no action, there’s no feedback or growth. Only through implementing your plan can you clearly see your dream as reality.” “I understand this, Darren. It isn’t the first time I have heard ‘make your dream a reality’. But so many people say this but don’t actually do it.” I replied. Darren nodded his head, “Imagine a man who wanted to attract the love of his life. He visualized the woman in his mind. And yet his

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daily behavior was sitting around on the couch watching Netflix and binging on unhealthy food. Do you think he would attract the woman, Denny?” “I don’t think so,” I responded. “Why?” Asked Darren. “Because there’s no alignment between what he desires and his personal action.” “Spot on Denny. However, if he was to go to the gym and eat healthy food, looking after his appearance. Do you think he will have a greater chance to attract the love of his life?” “I would say so,” I exclaimed. “Same with leadership Denny, you can visualize the best version of the leader that you want to become and yet if your personal action does not align with the image in your mind then it’s just a pipe dream. Your actions must reflect the person who you want to become. Start to behave your way into the image you hold in your mind. The more you take action the more you draw the image into your reality.”

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Darren scraped his spoon around the bowl getting the last bits of ice cream. “Here’s why, it’s because you give yourself a reason to behave. Reasons reap results. Reality without reason is an accident. And that’s what R in the word dare stands for REASON. When you know your reason why you do what you do it anchors you. Without a reason it’s like a piece of paper floating on the surface of water. I want you to imagine this, Denny.” Darren then went on to describe a situation. I closed my eyes so I could fully imagine what he was describing. “Imagine you have a nice boat that is floating effortlessly on the surface of water. However, you let it float without an anchor. You know sooner or later the boat will end up in some place you don’t want. Reasons reap results. When there's a reason behind why you want to do something and you anchor yourself into it, the result is inevitable.” He was right.

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“Let’s say you decided to get up early every day to practice your craft. You make the commitment that you want to know more about your industry than your competition. You practice, you rehearse over and over and the reason behind why you want to do that is because you want to play at the world class level. As you and I know that if you continue with this self-discipline, world-class is a byproduct.” “I see the importance of having a reason in one’s life, without it, we’d float with no direction.” “Yes Denny, now you must find the reason why you want to learn the S.T.L.P method, find a reason bigger than yourself.” “Well, there are two reasons why I want to master the S.T.L.P method. The first is that I want to improve my leadership skills so that I can lead myself and others in the most effective and efficient way. The second is that I want to make an impact not only in my generation but the future generations to come.”

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“That's a noble intention for sure Denny, glad to hear that you have the mental clarity on why you want to learn these leadership principles.” Darren paid for our drinks and ice creams, and I followed him out of the cafe to walk about Athens and to look at the architecture as he taught me the last lesson. “With that it brings me to the E in the word dare. The E in the word dare will remind you of the word ENERGY. As a leader it’s imperative to have a high level of energy so that you can implement your ideas. You can have mighty intentions but unless you have the energy to execute on your intention it’s pointless. Energy is more important than your intention.” We stopped to look at a building's huge columns and I pictured the people creating this building. They dared to dream big, they turned their dream into a reality, they took action. “Imagine a car without petrol. A car without petrol is just a car or to put it more accurately it’s just a piece of metal. Same with your body, you must have a high level of energy

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for you to use your vehicle more efficiently. So, take some time for you to take care of your body and look after it. If you can master only one thing in your life I’d suggest, mastering your physical energy.” We continued walking. “Let me leave you with this Denny. Dare to dream big and remember life is just a dream. Here's your ticket to Italy to meet with your fifth teacher named Eleonora. I hope you learned well from me and all the best with this leadership journey.” “Thank you, Anthony, for your wisdom, I am forever grateful for your teaching.” What I had learned from Darren was; Dream big and achieve the impossible Action is more important than intention Reason reap result Energy is more important than intellect

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Chapter 5

“Be encouraging. The world has plenty of critics already.” -Dave Willis

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Encourage Others and Themselves in a Loving and Empowering Way

HEN I WAS IN BALI I encountered many Italians, all of them gave me many reasons why I must go to Italy. The passion in people, the love of family, and food shone through. Within the envelope I was given the morning of my departure from Athens, were very clear instructions. Once I had arrived in Italy, I was to make my own way to the Pantheon to meet my sixth teacher Eleonora. Upon my arrival in Italy the buildings dating back from the Roman Empire took my breath away. I was memorized by the large and ornate buildings around me. When I watched people hustling and bustling around the tiny alleys and streets I sensed the love, passion, and importance of family from the Italians. I could see the rich

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culture and personality shine through the pizza shops, fashion stores and men singing romantic songs on the sidewalk as I gazed through the city. The taxi driver stopped at the front of the Pantheon building, I paid him extra and he was very thankful. I made my way out of the taxi, and I stood at this magnificent building. Eleonora was patiently waiting for me at the entrance. There she was with a big smile welcoming me with a kiss on my cheek. I assumed this was their tradition when meeting with a stranger. “You must be Denny,” she said. “And you must be Eleonora.” I responded with a smile on my face. “I’m so excited to teach the fifth lesson. Let’s go for a walk, Denny.” As we walked around the Pantheon building, I sensed that this building was a sacred temple. Eleonora began telling me about

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the fifth S.T.L.P principle contained in the word `engage. “Not those acronyms again,” I jokingly responded. Eleonora smiled and continued with her lesson. “The E in the word encourage will remind you of EMBODIMENT. As a leader you must be living, walking, talking example of the very thing that you want others to do. For example, if you want to encourage others to be all that they can be, the first thing is you need to be all that you can be. There's a saying. ‘Show me, don’t tell me. Showing by example not only sets up a role model for others to follow but it is also the most powerful tool for transformation. It’s very easy to fall into the mindset of ‘do what I say but not as I do.’ I nodded my head in agreement. “You see, so many people are willing to tell you how to live your life, it’s because they want to live the life that they want you to live but have no courage to live it for themselves. I have two close friends that I see on a consistent

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basis. What I have observed in them was that one always brags about his achievements and past accomplishments. The other says nothing other than what he is currently enjoying in his life. From these two friends I have learned the importance of embodiment.” She continued. “What do you mean by this? I am still confused by your story.” I responded. “When you embody life, you dream that you have no need to brag as you are too busy living it. When you envision the leader, you want to become, it's visceral in your body and when your actions and intentions are one what happens is that your leadership shifts from doing to being. True leadership is not something that you do, true leadership is something that you are.” She finished. We made our way to a side door inside the pantheon. It was heavily guarded. Eleonora smiled sweetly at the guards, said something I didn’t understand in Italian, and we were ushered inside. “This leads me to N in the word Encourage. N will remind you of the

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importance of BEING NICE.” Eleonora chuckled to herself. “Just like you are being nice to those security guards to let us into this room?” I laughed. She nodded her head and showed me some very important historical artifacts that were placed so delicately all around the room. “You see Denny, sometimes leaders forget the basics. It doesn't matter how successful you are as a leader, staying nice is imperative. If you understand that people don’t really remember your title but what they remember is how you made them feel when they were in your presence. Are you the type of leader that has an attitude or are you the type of leader that cares, respects and is nice to people?” She turned as if she was asking me the question. I panicked and didn’t know how to respond. She just smiled and continued, “You see, all the principles that you will be learning will make you a powerful leader. However,

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reminding yourself to always be nice when you are in a leadership position is so crucial for the longevity of your leadership.” She was right. I thought back to my previous boss. Life would have been so much easier for all his employees if he was just a little bit more kind. “Think twenty to fifty years ahead, step into this journey with a long-term vision. So that you can anticipate and plan thoroughly for your leadership journey and envision the leader that you want to become.” We approached another door at the end of this special room. Eleonora opened it to reveal some stairs. I knew we certainly weren’t allowed to go up there. “Are you sure we should go up?” I asked her. “Live a little Denny” she said while pulling my hand to follow her up the stairs. As we made our way up, she continued; “This leads us to the G in the ‘engage’ and that is to have the GUTS TO BE DIFFERENT. What’s the point of following 100

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the sheep, the rest of the flock? Have the guts to be nice when the other leaders around you are screaming and use fear to motivate their team. Be different. Be the leader people love to follow by being the one who understands people not as a group but at the individual level.” “A little like having the guts to follow you up these stairs. Where are we going?” I asked Eleonora either didn’t hear me or pretended to ignore me as we kept climbing the stairs. “You see, you cannot lead people who are lost, to connect at the individual level and having the guts to ask powerful questions is so critical in your leadership journey. Good leaders ask powerful questions. By asking questions it helps you to locate where they are. You cannot lead them if you don’t know where they are.” We made it to the top of the stairs and there was another door. Eleanora turned to face me with a big smile and opened the door. We were on a small balcony of the pantheon

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overlooking the busy passersby. What an amazing view. I was so lucky to be able to experience this. “A stands for ATTITUDE.” Eleanora continued after she had soaked up the atmosphere from the view. “Discover the true joys in life by opening your heart to love, joy, and peace through a good attitude. A great leader leads others from a state of love rather than a state of fear. You cannot encourage others from the state of love if you yourself don’t have it. You must first have it for yourself before you can give it to anyone. And it comes through your attitude to life.” She ushered me to sit down and we dangled our feet through the gaps in columns. I was a little scared we would get caught and in trouble, but Eleanora was unfazed. “I will share my morning routine with you. This morning routine has helped me to stay in a state of good attitude, joy, peace, and love. Every morning I play songs that I like, and I envision myself impacting millions of lives

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through what I do. I say to myself- today wherever I go I will create a joyful, peaceful, and loving world within myself and towards others. Living intentionally is so important. There’s no accident in having a good attitude, people who have a good attitude are because they choose to have one. You must set the intention for it. When you set and have a clear intention then you can give back to the people around you.” Eleanora spotted a small child waving up at us. She waved back and the kid's face filled with excitement. “Let’s do the next letter, G in the word ‘engage’ is GENEROSITY. As a leader you must learn to give yourself to those around you. Let’s say you want to encourage people around you to take action or get things done. The very first step is to give that which you desire the most. You must touch the hearts by giving generously before you ask them for their help. The question is not ‘how can you encourage people', the question is ‘how you can give to people and meet their needs and wants so that you can lead them in a more effective way’.

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Encouraging oneself and others is imperative. When we are generous to others, we give them hope and courage.” She stopped and stared off into the distance for a few minutes. We just sat in silence. She finally started talking again, “I want you to remember this 15 second rule. When you meet people remember these three A's: give them attention, affirmation, and appreciation. Use words of encouragement by affirming what they did well, or what they were wearing. For example, ‘you look great in that dress,’ or ‘I like what you did with the house, it looks luxurious. You see, Denny, when people dress in nice clothes, and have put in effort, acknowledge them so that they feel good about themselves.” Eleanora got back up and said we should probably head back down the stairs in case the security came looking for us. We carefully walked down the stairs and into the secret room, there was still no-one in there. She gave a little knock on the other door it opened, and the guard stood there welcoming us back into the main area of the pantheon. I wondered how 104

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many times Eleanora had done this secret adventure. We started to make our way out of the building and found a bench to sit down at. Other Italians were sitting there enjoying their espressos. “Our final letter of today, and the last part of the lesson is E. It stands for ENTHUSIASM. Being Enthusiastic as a leader and passionate about the vision you have is so essential. Why may you ask? People can see right through us if we are not being passionate and enthusiastic by our vision. When you are excited and passionate, it encourages others around you to live fully and embrace the leader within, because that is the whole purpose of living to encourage others and as a leader be an encourager. That’s the Fifth S.T.L.P Denny. Can you tell me what you remember? Let’s see if these acronyms actually work.” She giggled. “Yes, of course,” I answered. Engage stood for.

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Embodiment Nice Gut Attitude Generosity Enthusiasm “Wonderful Denny, remember to encourage others you must engage with them by using the acronym ‘engage. Eleonor let out a huge sigh and stood up. “My job is done, you're so close to the end Denny. But you have another teacher so patiently waiting for you. Your next teacher is Ryan, he lives in Singapore.’ Eleanor said. She opened up her bag and searched for a few seconds until she pulled out an envelope. My eyes grew wide. “Here’s the next envelope, you know the drill.” She parted with me by giving me a kiss on the cheek just like how she greeted me, and then walked away into the bustle of the crowd.

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Chapter 6

“Responsibility is accepting that you are the cause and the solution of the matter.” -Anonymous

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A Good leader takes full responsibility

Y ARRIVAL IN CHANGI Singapore airport wasn’t the most pleasant airport experience I had on that journey.. In my opinion I feel it was the busiest Airport I had ever come across. The country is of course well known for its tax haven, and well known for prioritizing social harmony such as education, personal safety, and health care. No wonder when it comes to quality of life many people feel drawn to choosing Singapore. According to the green envelope Eleanor had previously given to me, my next teacher would be waiting for me at the Marina Bay Sands. One of the biggest tourist attractions in Singapore, and something everyone knew about. I was excited and especially looking forward to meeting him and experiencing a luxury lifestyle with him here in Singapore. Although Singapore and Indonesia were extremely close together geographically, they couldn’t be more different economically. 109

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Upon my arrival at the Marina Bay Sands, I looked up, all these destinations I had visited made me want to look up and take in the beauty. I couldn't resist but awe at the magnificent three buildings that were connected to one another through a roof top that was shaped like a ship. It was a peculiar scene to view especially if you are in the middle of a city. I looked at the envelope again and I followed the instructions to meet Ryan at the pool. I couldn’t believe I was about to witness an infinity pool on top of the 679 ft building. There he was the man that I was going to meet resting under one of the pool umbrellas. As I approached him, he looked at me and said, “Let me guess, Denny.” “Yup, I’m Denny.” I said as I reached out to shake his hand. “Welcome to Singapore, please have a seat. What would you like to drink?” Ryan asked, as he offered me to sit on the relaxing sun lounger next to him. It was very hot on top of this building, I was glad we were protected from the sun under the pool umbrella. 110

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“I’d love a coffee.” I responded. “Coming right up.” As Ryan called for the waitress. Ryan lay down on the sun lounger and put his sunglasses on. He was just basking in the sunshine. I thought it would be rude not to join him, so I laid down and closed my eyes for a few minutes. “Let’s rest and we’ll dive into the sixth S.L.T.P, when you have chilled out a little. Getting flights from here to there must be exhausting. Unless you are ready to continue?” Ryan took down his sunglasses and looked towards me. I sat up promptly. “I’m ready!” I excitedly responded. “Okay, let’s dive into it. In fact, the lesson’s acronym is the word REST, so lay back Denny. It's time to relax and slow our pace down. Enjoy the sunshine, the pool and the coffee.” Ryan said just as the waiter arrived with my coffee.

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“You see Denny to be a good leader, you must differentiate between reacting and responding. And that’s what the R in the word rest stands for RESPOND.” Someone ran and dived into the pool splashing water all over Ryan and myself. “It’s too easy to just react to what happens but it's more difficult to take the time to respond. When something happens, let’s say someone calls you stupid, just because you are driving too slowly. In that instance, there’s space perhaps a millisecond. In that space you have the choice to react or respond.” Ryan said. A bit like that guy that just dived into the pool I thought whilst sipping my coffee. Ryan could obviously read my mind and he started to speak again. “To respond means you are not allowing your unconscious mind to run the show. Reactions mostly come from habits. When you become conscious of this, you are in control, not your conditioning mind. Next time you have an emotional charge take a deep breath before responding. This will help condition your reaction to not have control and

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allow you to become conscious of how you want to respond. The only way you can have the ability to respond rather than react is when you put yourself at ease.” Ryan was correct. He could have reacted to the guy jumping in the pool with anger and thinking with his emotions. But he didn't, he took time to decide whether it was worth responding. He obviously decided it wasn’t. “That's what the word E in rest stands for. EASE. Ask yourself frequently, am I at ease at this moment? If you were to observe powerful men and women of the world, they all have one thing in common and that is they all possess this quality. They are always at ease. No matter what happens around them they put themselves at ease. Have you ever observed someone in a powerful position always reacting and anxious about everything?” “Yes, I have, and funny enough that’s the very reason why I'm here with you.” I replied. “In the organization that I was in, the C.E.O of the company used fear tactics to control people.”

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“And how did it go for you?” Ryan pondered. “Well not well that’s why it led me here to learn the S.T.L.P method.” I replied. “Learning to respond with ease is not enough if you as a leader always use a hard approach such as manipulation or anger.” “Yes, I completely agree with you Ryan. I wish more people knew about this.” I spoke. “This is where the S in the word rest will remind you that this is a SOFT APPROACH. Things such as listening attentively, having deep empathy, and being authentic. In the eyes of the masses, it's considered soft. However, the only thing that overcomes hard is soft.” ‘Yes, so many people tell you to be the man, to harden up but to not be feminine or be soft.” I muttered. Ryan nodded his head. “Let us observe water. It's the softest, most fluid thing in the world and at the same time the most powerful. It can cut through rock and anything else in its path.”

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“That is a very good point to think about Ryan.” I remarked. Ryan laughed and said “As a human being the number one thing we have is our ability to think. And that’s what the T in the word rest stands for THINK.” We both looked at each other and laughed. “All great leaders have this one thing in common. They think. Thinking is the hardest job there is, that's why few people engage with it. You only grow to your true potential through creation and contribution. Not through consuming and copying what's already created. Thinking allows you just that, creating. Through creating you add value to mankind. Through thinking you discover new ideas and inventions. Only through thinking can you truly discover the reason why you are here on this planet. Thinking allows you to respond rather than reacting. I’d suggest from now on Denny learn to think for yourself. If you are not, nobody else.” Ryan stopped talking and went back to closing his eyes. We just sat there in silence for

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a while. I cleared my throat and Ryan started speaking again. “That is all for our lesson for today, remember to take full personal responsibility for your life, don't forget the word rest.” “Oh, I am sure this is an acronym I won’t forget.” I then recited what it stood for; Respond Ease Soft Think “Well done, Denny, you are a fast learner. Out of the four principles the one that I want you to remember is...” “Thinking,” I responded,” “How do you know responded with a shock

that?”

“I read your mind,” I answered.”

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We both enjoyed our time together next to the pool as we gazed at the beautiful surroundings. It was a magnificent scenery.

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Chapter 7

“Selfless action is a source of strength.” -Mahatma Gandhi

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A Great Leader Thinks of Others

ENJOYED THE NEXT COUPLE of days with Ryan in Singapore, it was such a multicultural experience. I got to taste the lifestyle of someone who truly takes full personal responsibility for their life. It was very attractive and powerful at the same time. As always, I was prepared for when Ryan gave me the final green envelope like all the teachers before him had. I opened the envelope and to my surprise found out that my next destination was Peru, and our meeting was to be arranged at Machu Picchu. I was gob smacked but so excited that this would be my final destination. I was extremely grateful to all the teachers I had met during my adventures around the world and journey learning the different methods. Especially Lena who organized all the trips. Traveling from Singapore to Peru was not an easy task, luckily Lena helped with the

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logistics and Ryan with his ‘REST’ wisdom. Two combinations that made my journey more manageable and executed with ease effortlessly. I was to meet my teacher named Selina at Machu Picchu. Machu Picchu was believed as a sacred religious temple for Inca leaders. According to historians most of the civilization around that area was wiped out by Spanish invaders. Apart from the Inca tribe that managed to hide in the ruins of the temples too high up of an altitude for others to travel to. Today, many visitors climb and take the strenuous journey through Machu Picchu every year to see the sunset over its towering, marvelous monuments. Machu Picchu is truly an extraordinary man-made wonder. I met my guide at the bottom of the mountain, and he told me it would take a couple of days to climb the mountain. I thought to myself that the last lesson would be the most difficult. Getting over and changing your life and taking that leap was also difficult.

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When I arrived at Machu Picchu, Selina was ready to greet me. “Hi, you must be Denny,” she said. I was exhausted and threw my backpack down on the ground. Panting with my eyes closed I replied, “And you must be Selina,” “Yes, I am Selina. Nice to meet you.” She said, for a second or two our eyes met. There were butterflies in my stomach, a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. I shook my head and sat up. We both agreed that I needed a little bit of time to breathe and get my bearings before we started on the final lesson. Selina helped the guide to set up a small campfire and put on a pot of water to make some tea. She brought a tin cup over to me. It was lovely and warm, and the tea seemed to soothe my throat and give me energy as I drank. Around 20 minutes late, I felt more like myself and ready to start the lesson. We walked up towards the monuments and were having idle chit chat with each other

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sharing about a lot of things. She was different from all the other teachers that I had encountered. She was very humble and genuine and so interested in my story and what I had to say. We stopped chatting and just looked at the view, for a few moments taking everything in. She then started her lesson by saying, “Denny, to be a leader who people love to follow, you must master this last one thing. That is to be of service to others. To lead is to serve.” A very frail elderly lady was trying to make her way down the steep steps. Selina quickly ran to her aid and offered to help the lady down. When Selina got back to me, she smiled. “Good leaders focus on building relationships while others focus on the title and position. At the end of the day the question is how can you be useful and who can you help? My leadership style transformed when I realized this. I realized that to build up my own self confidence in my leadership skills, I had to

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first think in terms of how I could be useful to others and take away the focus from any selfish act. The lesson that you will be learning is with yet another acronym. I am sure you are very sick of those now, aren’t you Denny?” She laughed. I replied, “They did annoy me at first, but now I know how valuable they are and how much time it saves for me to remember the different lessons. “Good.” She replied. Today’s acronym is Self. The S in the word self will remind you to be SELFLESS.” “You truly embody the selfness characteristic, Selina, I can already tell.” I remarked. She brushed off the compliment and said, “If you were to observe people like Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, and Martin Luther King. They all have one thing in common. They think of others and how they can serve the highest good for mankind.”

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“Of course, they are role models. But how can the everyday man and woman do that?” I asked. “Let’s observe your own life. If you want to be a leader people love to follow, first you must understand that leadership is all about influence. Influence only comes through relationships. Without a relationship there's no influence. Many people focus on their title and their position, but true leaders focus on building up relationships. You can only gain influence through being humble enough to learn the other person's story or problem so that you can find a way to help. To build a deep meaningful relationship you must first understand the art of being selfless. Only through selflessness can you see the person’s world. For example, let's say if you are full of yourself night and day, there would be no room for thinking of others. Could you build influence through that?” “I don’t think so,” I responded. We kept walking up the hill. Selina continued with her lesson.

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“Building and maintaining relationships is not enough if you don’t do it effectively. That’s what the E in the word Self will remind you of. EFFECTIVENESS. The question is how can one be an effective leader? Leaders distinguish themselves through their effectiveness. You see Denny, anyone can build a relationship, but it takes a great leader to lead and influence the relationship. To be an effective leader, ask yourself the question: what are my strongest points as a leader? The more time you spend on your strongest point the stronger it gets. You must put all your time and energy into developing your strengths. “The next question is how I can use my strengths to deliver results. At the end of the day being a leader is to deliver a result, right? Whether you are in a company or home. The only way you deliver results in your leadership is when you care and love what you do. That’s what L in the word self stands for LOVE. Love what you do, Denny.” She smiled. “When you love what you do, automatically people will engulf themselves in what you do. Let's say you detest what you do,

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and you try to influence others at the same time. I know you can imagine how hard that would be.” I looked at her and nodded. When I had previously hated my job and what I did, this affected others around me. Selina began speaking again. “The only thing is to love what you do to be an effective leader. That's when you can truly influence others. Remember leadership is about the game of influence. Once you master these three principles then you can truly become what I call a fruitful leader.” “What is a fruitful leader?” I asked in confusion. “A leader where he or she reproduces themselves everywhere they go.” We sat down on the grass as the sun was starting to make its way further down the sky. It was going to be setting soon and we needed to get a good view of the colors over Machu Picchu. “Wow… can you elaborate on that please.” I interrupted her train of thought. “Sure Denny, the F in our word self stands for a FRUITFUL LEADER. It is a leader that

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you will want to strive to be. You don’t want to create followers. You want to create leaders. The only way to do that is to reproduce yourself and the result you deliver right? So, when you build strong relationships with the people you lead and help them get what they want by delivering results. You are not a leader until you deliver a result and there’s multiplication of leadership in your organization. A fruitful leader focuses on how he can multiply himself by their influence.” There was an explosion of colors in the sky, something I had never seen before in my life. The sky was like a painting. “Oh wow… look at the sky.” I commented. “It's so beautiful.” “It's a beautiful and sacred place here for sure.” Selina commented. “That’s the conclusion for our lesson for today, Denny,” Selina continued. “I think this is a perfect ending to your lesson. Wouldn’t you agree?” She turned to face me, the orange reflection from the sunset glowing over her cheeks.

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“Certainly!” I agreed. Selfless Effectiveness Love Fruitful “Wonderful Denny, now that you've learned all the principles, the next step for you is to implement the principles into your life. Learn to lead yourself first before you lead others. And I am the point of contact for you as an accountability partner to make sure that you practice what you preach.” “Thank you so much Selina, for being my last teacher. I have learned so much from each and every one of you.” I grasped her hands and held them in mine to show my gratitude. “That’s quite alright, Denny.” She replied. “Let’s go back to the campsite, have dinner and sleep. It’s a long way back down to the village.” She laughed. “I don’t mind the journey back down. It will give me so much time to go through the

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S.T.L.P method and think about ways I can implement and teach others.” I replied. When we eventually made it back down the mountain and into the villages Selina invited me to go out salsa dancing. Selina and I went to Sargento Pimiento, we found a bar that wasn’t too crowded but had some amazing music playing. We sat at a corner table as we sipped her favorite drink Pisco Sour. We sat and talked for what seemed like hours and got to know one another much better. We had a lot more things in common than we realized. I again started to feel the rollercoaster butterfly feelings in my stomach. These feelings kept growing stronger as time passed. Selina must have felt the same way too. She dragged me up onto the dancefloor and we spent the rest of the evening together dancing the night away. As we danced, Selina gave me signals indicating that she too was feeling different feelings. Did she want more than just a teacher and student relationship? I wondered.

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I followed the hints and flirting Selina was throwing my way and took a chance and a big leap of faith. I kissed her. She kissed me back. One thing led to another and a couple of weeks later we were inseparable and ended up in a romantic relationship together. I later discovered that the whole thing was orchestrated by Lena all along. Selina was generous with her resources and helped me navigate over ten years of leadership training and implementation to further my understanding of the S.T.L.P method. Our story doesn’t just end there, we are still writing new pages and chapters of our book every day. With Selina’s help I now travel around the world lecturing on the topic of leadership to companies and big organizations around the world. I use the S.T.L.P method and teach all the acronyms. I tell the attendees too that they annoyed me when I first heard about

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them, but now implementing them becomes so easy for me. What I really love about Selina is that she has got my back through the ups and downs of life. We decided to move to Bali, the island of the gods. A very mystical and spiritually intense place. Our hope is that after reading my story, learning the lessons and when you begin to implement the principles within this book you can lead yourself and others in a loving and empowering way so that all of us can live in a world where everyone encourages each other to be the best version of themselves.

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ALSO, BY DEDY TI’EN Inspire: An Inspirational Journey Through the Eyes of Timorese Boy Power: How to Reclaim Your Personal Power Change Maker’s Manifesto The Beach Boy, The Buddha and The Businessman The Impossible Possible E.M.P.O.W.E.R Yourself

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