How Retirees Underestimate the Importance of Identity

By Len Hayduchok, CFP ®

For retirees, it’s essential to understand their “identity.” When working, many folks have an identity related to work, greater family responsibilities and all the associated obligations and activities that reinforce them. Even though these two important roles in life came with a lot of requirements and pressure, they often provided meaning and purpose. Often, we replace these activities with recreation once we step into retirement. While leisure and fun are enjoyable, they can eventually leave one lacking that connectedness with who they are, and what’s important to them.

In a nutshell, retirees can make this stage of life more meaningful by connecting

1) the things they enjoy doing most,

2) with the individuals who mean the most to them.

Reflecting on IDENTITY for retirees means considering what ultimately drives who they are. It drives the things that propels an individual’s interest, those things they’re passionate about (what they really want to focus their time on doing). “Identity” discussions can include everything from ancestry, upbringing, and responsibilities to roles and relationships. However, to take a quick, practical look, retirees should start by considering the activities they do and the people they most want to connect with.

One helpful starting point is to categorize activities. Not all time is truly discretionary as there are basic needs (sleeping, eating, chores and taking care of one’s health). But then there are the things each retiree “has to do” (because of choices they made and continue to make)—such as exercising, caring for pets, helping others, watching grandchildren, and caring for their home and yard. These are obligations they have chosen to take on (willingly or out of a sense of obligation) and they may even enjoy…but they could choose to discontinue. Then there are things they do out of routine that they really do not have to do—like reading the newspaper, spending time on the computer, engaging in hobbies, watching TV, socializing, etc. In those 2nd and 3rd categories— “have to do” (which they really don’t) and routine activities—there are potential time wasters they do out of habit but might not add measurably to their quality of life. It’s beneficial to reflect which ones are neither necessary, meaningful nor especially enjoyable. This exercise helps to answer, “where did all my time go?” and can be the start of making important changes.

The more personally rewarding and important the activities, the more they impact personal identity—either shifting it or reinforcing it. It’s important to be careful that life pursuits align with what a retiree wants for their lives from two standpoints. First, is that the destination one really wants for their lives? And second, will the people they say they love the most be there when they “arrive”. Meaning, will the retiree’s loved ones recognize them on the other side.

(TIP: It’s important to consider whether there’s a way to share the journey so loved ones share the retiree’s journey and feel connected to the person the retiree BECOMES.)