Promises, Promises, New Years Promises

By Mary Jo Tarallo

Do you make an annual New Year’s resolution and never see it through? Whether the goal is to lose weight, exercise more, drinking less or start a new hobby, there is a whole psychology as to why people can’t fulfill their resolution. While many goals spark hope and enthusiasm, the reality is that most New Year’s resolutions are abandoned within a few months. According to an October 2023 Forbes Health/OnePoll survey, 61.7 percent of the respondents said they felt pressured to set a New Year’s resolution. Many respondents said they plan to set multiple goals, with 65.5 percent saying they planned to make three or more resolutions for 2024.

Reasons why vary. According to Very Well Mind.com, we may have 3 particular problems: 1) we may be thinking too big, 2) we may not be asking why we think we need a change, or 3) we may not be ready to make a change. According to licensed clinical psychologist Terri Bly, successful resolutions require a process. It includes:

• Precontemplation: starting to become aware that there may be something to change;

• Contemplation: Thinking about making a change;

• Preparation: Starting to put a plan together to make a change;

• Action: Making the change, and

• Maintenance: Determining how to maintain the change. Tall order!

Lewes resident and life coach Pat Malandra has a few thoughts on the subject. “Of the main reasons we don’t keep our promises to ourselves is that we don’t feel the same accountability to ourselves that we do to others.” Malandra has a workshop called Promises, Promises that addresses the issue.

She defers to a December 2022 article in Time magazine called “Sick of Failing at Your New Year’s Resolutions? There is a Better Way”. The article points out that the NEW New Year’s resolutions tend to be the resolutions from the previous year, and the year before that, and….you get the picture.

The article goes on to say that only 8% of people stick with their resolutions the entire year. According to the article, “Given this less than stellar track record, it is worth asking, what would we do if we were serious? What would we do differently if we really did want to stick to our resolutions for more than a few weeks?”

Based on a review of over 100 studies, many present-day psychologists cite “situation change” as the best strategy for exerting self-control. The theory is this: rather than exposing one to temptations and hoping to possess the willpower to resist, it is better to avoid confronting them in the first place.

The Time’s article goes on to note that it is important to remember that people around us and the groups we belong to have substantial influence on behavior— influence that can be leveraged to help achieve goals. Interestingly, writing more may be another saving grace when it comes to fulfilling resolutions. The authors cited their own experience - leveraging the power of groups and writing, by joining a writing group where monthly meetings are held. “Groups help people achieve their goals by setting social norms and creating a sense of accountability,” they say.

The Rehoboth Beach Writers Guild does just that with its bi-monthly meetings and numerous “free writes”. All things considered, it is not surprising that the organization has about 500 members who take advantage of the Guild’s benefits. It might be worth a look, as a group time to move forward through tracking and reflection on your resolutions (BONUS: and maybe channel some of those creative juices!).