Delbarton PCDI Newsletter by Delbarton School

VOICES "HERE, WE BELONG" Delbarton School Parent Council on Diversity & Inclusion Newsletter

FACULTY SPOTLIGHT: MR. LYMAN BY ABDIEL PERDE ‘24

May 23, 2022

IN THIS ISSUE Faculty Spotlight

Page 1

Parent Corner

Conversations

Celebrations

Announcements

Delbarton School Parent Council on Diversity & Inclusion

hen considering belonging, it’s easy to think about being a part of something, or for some, being excluded. I interviewed Mr. Andrew Lyman, a first year music teacher at Delbarton School on the topic of belonging, and he was delighted to share his story and the realities of his experiences – both within the Delbarton community and outside of it – being raised as an adopted child, with an adopted Indian brother and two white parents. I asked Mr. Lyman about first coming to Delbarton and his expectation of the experience in terms of belonging and fitting in and how the experience actually turned out. He shared that he started in August and wanted to be accepted by his colleagues first, then his students. But he was hopeful that he would be welcomed. Mr. Lyman said that he was truly accepted when he came in and it felt like a good fit. His

Delbarton band teacher Mr. Lyman leading the MS band in the 2022 spring concert

colleagues did welcome him, and his students were receptive and friendly immediately. He was specifically drawn to the sophomore Intro to Music class at first because everyone was so open and talkative and that made him feel comfortable. Mr. Lyman felt differently growing up as a minority in the school he attended from K-12. He didn’t feel like he truly belonged in elementary school, but more due to the actions of adults, not fellow students. Mr. Lyman shared, “It’s a shame to feel that way as a student.” However, through all of his adversities, trials and tribulations, he persevered. Music allowed him to stand out in a positive way and fight back.

We are very excited to welcome you to the first issue of Delbarton PCDI’s biannual newsletter. We hope that you will be informed, engaged and inspired! For those who are just getting to know us, PCDI is an organization of Delbarton parents that helps our school fulfill its mission by affirming and supporting Delbarton’s belief that “when we foster inclusivity and universality in all dimensions of Delbarton life, we seek to ensure that members of our community have not just a foundational respect for others, but a deep and sincere understanding of the true interconnectedness of our global human family.” Thank you to all who have supported the great work of PCDI this school year!

During my Intro to Music class, Mr. Lyman mentioned that his parents adopted him from Bucaramanga, Santander, Colombia. In our conversation for this article Mr. Lyman shared how it felt growing (continued on page 3)

PARENT CORNER:

BELONGING AT DELBARTON, A MOM’S JOURNEY (PAGE 2) BY PATRICIA GOMEZ P ‘22

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Delbarton School Parent Council on Diversity & Inclusion Newsletter

May 23, 2022

BELONGING AT DELBARTON, A MOM’S JOURNEY BY PATRICIA GOMEZ P ‘22

hen I volunteered to write about my experience of belonging at Delbarton I carefully reflected on why I feel so comfortable here. It felt the answer laid beyond the obvious. Beyond people’s courtesy and friendliness, beyond the gatherings and soirées, coffees, dinners, and cocktails. Past how much I feel at home on campus because of my love of nature and architecture. I am an immigrant. I arrived in the United States as an adult, filled with scholastic curiosity, personal dreams and professional aspirations, which fundamentally shaped my experience of living here. I do not claim to be a good representation of any particular immigrant experience, but I want to share my encounters with rejection and discouraging treatment to frame my story. The subtle, arrogant, mistrusting, unwelcoming up-and-down stares almost everywhere. Being bluntly denied a perfectly legally obtainable driver’s license at the DMV in Jersey City. The DMV employee refused to look at my documents and I had no idea

what I had done wrong nor how to fix it. The subtle teasing of my children over their rice and beans lunches, and even one of them being called a “spic” by a classmate, all at different schools. I wonder if anyone who has never been advised to avoid all contact with NYC police to stay out of trouble can imagine how terribly unsettling it can be to feel so defenseless. Or how offensive it can be to see a woman shout

I was very excited to apply to a Benedictine school with such a prestigious academic reputation as Delbarton but I arrived with the same apprehension that I have come to experience with any other beginning. However, something totally different happened here. Like my son, I have made kind, compassionate and caring friends, always making sure that I am greeted with a smile and whenever possible a hug. We all come from different spaces, but we are forever bonded by the love of our sons and the incredible experiences that we shared during their years here. I am particularly touched by the kindness and warmth with which all the moms of this year’s seniors have always gifted me. Delbarton has offered spiritual growth opportunities which foster bonding and community building. We are living a Benedictine cornerstone! How cool is it that our kids, and us, by extension, are led by people who live what they promote? I love that (continued on page 3)

DELBARTON HAS OFFERED SPIRITUAL GROWTH OPPORTUNITIES WHICH FOSTER BONDING AND COMMUNITY BUILDING extremely loudly to my husband to get away from her after a crowded weekday commuting ride in the subway. Every time we have been to a new place, a new school, town or church, we have had to build systems around these “encounters,” especially when the children were exposed. We work hard to manage them because we refuse to let any of that define us.

DelbartonPCDI

Delbarton School Parent Council on Diversity & Inclusion Newsletter

May 23, 2022

FACULTY SPOTLIGHT: MR. LYMAN (continued from page 1) up in an adopted household. His adoptive parents always made sure he felt like he belonged. They gave him everything he wanted and asked for, while also nudging and guiding him towards good opportunities and experiences. Additionally and actually amazingingly, his parents always made sure that he knew where he came from and that he was adopted with love. Mr. Lyman further shared how growing up in an adoptive home influenced his ideas of belonging. He was a Colombian kid with white parents and an Indian brother. Growing up, he received a lot of stares and was used to it. He recalled how he went to Virginia Beach in the summer as a child and people would just stare at him and his family as they walked. The same thing happened in Washington, D.C. and even around New Jersey. He was always made aware, since he was young, that he and his family looked different together –white parents, Colombian kid, Indian brother. His parents really informed him and his brother and made them feel “comfortable in uncomfortable situations.” It was tricky and challenging for Mr. Lyman as a young individual at times but his parents always supported him and his brother. When I asked Mr. Lyman what belonging means to him he expressed, “It means that I am accepted for who I am. That I feel like I fit in and have connections to other people. That I’m supported by other people. That I can be myself without reservation. People have my back because they understand me, and that I will stand up and support others for who they are.”

BELONGING AT DELBARTON, A MOM’S JOURNEY (continued from page 2) I can minister to the school with my personal gifts and skills and every single person that I have encountered in this capacity has shown nothing less than kindness and gratitude for everything I have done. There was never a hesitation or a doubt that I could contribute, that what I was going to do for the school was important and appreciated. I have felt valued, recognized, seen. Thinking about people at Delbarton made me realize that, although historically humans have had the tendency to gather around those who feel more like us, name it same religion, same ethnicity or origin, same socioeconomic status, same cultural and intellectual pursuits, this is something that does not stop us from meeting here and becoming the greater Delbarton family. A community of many colors not just understood as a skin tonality but a wide coloration of interests,

vibes and pursuits that day by day create this incredible melting pot where respect for human dignity is not only taught and mentored, but where the opposite is never tolerated. Delbarton has been an oasis for me. My son is a senior and it feels like I am bidding farewell to “my” school. I am very sad to leave the school that became a shelter for him during the worst years in recent history; where he found friends with whom he has deep connections, teachers and coaches that he greatly respects and looks up to, and a place where he truly feels that he belongs. And then it hit me. This realization completed the circle. Delbarton’s brotherhood is sponsored and nurtured very clearly and openly, but it has overflown and touched my family in tangible as well as subtle ways. And that is my personal measure of a place that welcomes all, a place where Together We Belong.

DelbartonPCDI

Delbarton School Parent Council on Diversity & Inclusion Newsletter

May 23, 2022

CONVERSATIONS

BELONGING BY JULIAN OSORIO ‘24

(Left) Delbarton and Kent Place students working together at the BHM Fashion Show at St. Benedict Hall in February 2022. (Right) Delbarton students outside Old Main during the Copa América Delbarton Tournament at the HHM celebration.

hat does “Belonging” mean to you? At first, I attempted to answer this question on my own. As a sophomore in high school, I believed that I would be more than prepared for this question, which when presented to me I considered relatively simple. However, as the school year has flown by, I’ve experienced many situations that have greatly humbled me and have shown me that I only understand a mere fraction of what it truly means to belong to Delbarton, not only to the student body, but to the broader community that has practiced the

value of brotherhood for over eighty years now. After some pondering, I resolved to ask the people whom I spend more time with than my own family at home — my brothers. Specifically, I asked several highly cherished friends of mine, one of whom is graduating this year and has attended Delbarton for six years, Ikenna Amadi. When I first posed the question, Ikenna gave me a bewildered look, as he and I have never discussed such a deep question before; yet after a brief pause, he gave his answer. In short, Ikenna emphasized that every student whom Delbarton

has accepted since 1939 both belonged within the community and deserved to be there. All of us as brothers have overcome some sort of obstacles or challenges that have led us here; and as we continue our individual journeys on campus, we grow into men through the lessons of our teachers and in the presence of each other. At this point, it’s more than a brotherhood but a true family as emphasized in the multiple texts we have studied and that future Delbarton students will continue to study for years to come.

COMUNITY DIALOGUE

n January, PCDI welcomed Delbarton consultant Lawrence Alexander of Carney, Sandoe, and Associates for a conversation with the community on “Belonging.” Mr. Alexander, a Catholic school graduate, was hired by Delbarton to provide guidance for a community belonging survey. He specializes in advising related to board governance, climate assessment, and inclusive hiring and also assisted in the school’s strategic planning initiative. During the meeting, Lawrence explained that our Catholic identity enables the Delbarton community to do work to promote representation and participation. Lawrence highlighted that “Diversity is a fact, Equity is a choice, Inclusion is an action, and Belonging is an outcome.” Lawrence pointed to the all-boys brotherhood as one of the strengths of Delbarton and made recommendations to further enhance the Delbarton experience for all.

Question to the students: What does BELONGING mean at Delbarton? Here’s what our student community said in one word, when asked what belonging at Delbarton means to them...

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Delbarton School Parent Council on Diversity & Inclusion Newsletter

May 23, 2022

CELEBRATIONS

LUNAR NEW YEAR On February 1, 2022, DAP, Asian Culture Club, and PCDI partnered to host a Lunar New Year Spring Festival. The celebration included a presentation on Lunar New Year traditions and festivities, a variety of delicious Asian foods and music, and Delbarton's first Lunar New Year dragon! (See picture above.) This joyful event celebrated Asian cultures, while wishing our Delbarton community peace and prosperity in 2022 – the Year of the Tiger, symbolizing curiosity, independence, and self-esteem.

HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH This year’s Hispanic Heritage Month celebration was a beautiful display of Hispanic food, music, and traditions. On the day of the celebration, Old Main and the formal garden were covered with the vibrant colors of flags representing the different countries from which Delbarton’s Hispanic families hail. With cultural tables, Hispanic food trucks, art exhibitions, and a live band playing through the night, the celebration offered something for everyone to enjoy. This event was not only an outward display of the diversity that exists within the student population, but also an opportunity for everyone to admire and appreciate the often under-represented cultures of their peers. Although the celebration only happens once a year, it is always a beautiful representation of Hispanic culture that provides an opportunity for the entire Delbarton community to appreciate and celebrate the diversity found within itself.

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Delbarton School Parent Council on Diversity & Inclusion Newsletter

May 23, 2022

CELEBRATIONS (CONTINUED) BLACK HISTORY MONTH Our Black History Month event on February 10th was a magical night filled with vibrant art, melodious music, chic fashion, delectable food and, most importantly, fellowship. The house was packed with Delbarton families and students celebrating Black History and the many cultures of African descent. Attendees were able to explore the rich display of art shared by Delbarton parents, including sculptures and paintings, peruse historical and first edition books written by authors of African descent, gaze at beautifully styled clothing created by world renowned designers of African descent and modeled by a diverse group of Delbarton and Kent Place students, and enjoy a tasting tour of soul food favorites, the Caribbean, and African countries. The festivities were complemented by a live DJ (Wade Merritt P’ 21), an African dance troupe, and an up and coming performer who belted out “Home” from the Wiz as the finale. This was an amazing and memorable evening and an incredible opportunity for so many to connect, celebrate and learn something new.

DIWALI CELEBRATION Diwali is a 5-day festival that coincides with the harvest and new year marking the birth of a rejuvenated soul. Families perform pujas (prayers), visit family and friends to feast and exchange sweets and gifts, decorate their homes with rangoli designs, light oil lamps (diyas) and light firecrackers. While Diwali is a religious festival, it has also become a secular national holiday celebrated by millions widely across the world. Delbarton parents, students, faculty and administration came together for the Diwali celebration on November 2, 2021. This celebration showcased traditional artifacts, decorations using candles, and flowers (including Rangoli) along with a sumptuous dinner of Indian street food dishes. The event concluded with everyone gathering around to learn a popular India dance form – the “Bhangra”--a high-energy folk dance from the state of Punjab. Father Michael along with parents, students, faculty collectively learned and then danced away with joy to celebrate the coming together of our community.

DelbartonPCDI

Delbarton School Parent Council on Diversity & Inclusion Newsletter

May 23, 2022

CELEBRATIONS (CONTINUED) INTERFAITH FAST AND FEAST As we neared the end of the school year, we engaged in fellowship once more with Delbarton’s Interfaith Fast and Feast, a unique immersive experience of brotherhood and friendship.The Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which fell in April this year, commemorates the revelation of the Quran. It is a month spent in prayer, charity, selfdiscipline and sacrifice, during which Muslims are commanded to fast during the daylight hours of an entire month. The tradition of fasting is universal to all faiths and this year Ramadan coincided with Easter and Passover. In a show of unity, Delbarton students, faculty and parents from various faith traditions joined their Muslim brothers and sisters and celebrated one day of fasting by abstaining from food and water from dawn until sunset. The fast began with a pre-dawn zoom gathering to set intentions for the day and ended with a prayer from Father Michael in the beautifully blooming Old Main Gardens. Students delivered reflective speeches and a grand Middle Eastern meal was enjoyed by over 200 members of Delbarton’s community. Parents, students and faculty shared their gratitude for the unique occasion. As Kenna Baudin P’25 noted: “It was indeed such a beautiful evening. We heard from our impressive young men, reflected on brotherhood across all faiths, enjoyed the community, met new friends and enjoyed amazing food!”

PCDI BOOK CLUB

he PCDI book club is in its second year, with parents gathering to discuss texts by and about underrepresented groups, with the goal of creating intentional space and time to discuss topics related to diversity, equity and inclusion. We started with two fiction selections – The Road Back to Sweetgrass by Linda LeGarde Grover and The Leavers by Lisa Ko – and met over Zoom to engage in meaningful dialogue about not only the plots, but the culturally significant aspects of the books. Our dialogue led to discussions on wide ranging topics such as belonging, changing family dynamics, cross-cultural adoption and straddling different worlds. For our final meeting we gathered at the home of Crystal Comeaux P ‘24 to discuss A Dream Too Big by Caylin Moore, as a follow up to his in person talks with Delbarton students and parents. We examined his choices in life, his positive disposition and resilience, and his unwavering reliance on faith, as well as topics such as childhood adversity and the lack of educational opportunities for children from economically depressed environments. Stay tuned for more impressive authors, inspirational stories and stimulating conversations next school year!

DelbartonPCDI

Delbarton School Parent Council on Diversity & Inclusion Newsletter

ANNOUNCEMENTS PCDI would like to acknowledge the hard work and commitment of our outgoing board members: Marjorie PierreMerritt (President), Daniel Excellent and Shreni Zinzuwadia. Thank you for your service to the Delbarton community. We extend special gratitude to Marjorie and Shreni as founding members. PCDI Board 2022-2023 Heba Abdulla-Eltaki (President) Malak Atut Yemi Benedict-Vatel Anita Bobba Amardeep Chahal Ashley Doyle Varanda Handy Jonathan Yee Michele Smith Reinke

May 23, 2022

Contributors Copy Editors: Patricia Gomez Marjorie Pierre-Merritt Michele Smith Reinke Design Editor: Jonathan Yee Newsletter Subcommittee: Heba Abdulla-Eltaki Ashley Doyle Lee Giblin Varanda Handy Kelly Jackson Weiqing Yang Additional Contributors: Malak Atut Amardeep Chahal Julian Osorio Abdiel Perde Karina Rivera Contact us at pcdi@delbarton.org

PARENT COUNCIL ON DIVERSITY & INCLUSION

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Delbarton PCDI Newsletter

Articles inside

Celebrations

Faculty Spotlight

Announcements

Conversations