HOW AN ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT HELPED ME THRIVE IN MY BEAUTIFUL, UNCONVENTIONAL LIFE

By Dr. Elaine Vowell

My life is messy. For some reason, I routinely mess up hotel reservations. My kids often look intriguing for all the wrong reasons, and my mouth moves faster than my brain.

But I would not change a thing! There is something about being a woman with an entrepreneurial spirit that can be unstoppable. I love this group, and I love to push the boundaries of what we can and will accomplish.

This is my story of doing the irrational and unexpected and getting so much more than I ever imagined.

First, a little about me. At 13 years old, I decided I would be a dentist. (I was not a popular kid - insert a really bad perm and early onset acne for a comprehensive picture.) Whether it was a lack of creativity or a divine calling, I never wavered in my plan. It seemed like the perfect job for a working mom. Bankers’ hours and no Fridays! Awesome! At 13 years old, I had watched my mother struggle as a single working mom with four children in Alaska, no less. She did her best, but there were hard times. As a young woman/older kid, I was drawn to the idea of being self-sufficient while still hoping for a future big family. Dentistry fits that dream perfectly.

To accomplish this goal, I attended college at the University of Alaska Fairbanks. It was so cold! Next was dental school in the Midwest - Omaha is an underrated city and a huge improvement in the weather. I then spent five years in the Navy. I am a good dentist, but I was a terrible Naval officer. Think Demi Moore in A Few Good Men. Now, imagine her in a frumpy untailored uniform, perpetually lost on an aircraft carrier. Oh, and unfortunately, Maverick and Goose were nowhere to be found. Suffice it to say, it was awkward. However, I survived and met some truly amazing women that are good friends to this day.

By 2012, I was a dentist with 10 years of experience, and I owned a lovely 3-bedroom home. I also had an extensive collection of not-quite-successful romantic relationships. But the perils of being a professional woman in her 30s dating in the South are reserved for a different article altogether. Teaser - I online dated from the early Match to early Tinder years. (Before Tinder became established as the hook-up site. No judgment. But I was on the lookout for someone to start the family I wanted. Bonus if he looked like Shemar Moore). I was ready to find a Southern gentleman and make some fat babies or some scrawny ones. I was getting too old to be picky. Instead, I had a lot of fun kissing a lot of toads. All nice toads but not the ones I wanted to build a life with.

My next twist of fate came along due to one of my most charming (and annoying) personality quirks - I have never met a stranger! Deep down, I believe even those who are avoiding eye contact definitely want to chat with me. I also believe P!NK wants to be my friend. Still waiting on her phone call, but I did get to meet Shakeena. She was 16 years old and looking a little lost at a coffee shop on a Saturday morning. I introduced myself, she asked if I had a phone charger, I did not. I asked if she was okay, and she said she was not. Under the promise that she would not make a habit of getting in the car with a stranger, I drove her to Walmart to buy a charger, and I let her hang out at my office while I caught up on some paperwork. Six hours later, I dropped her off and gave her my number just in case she was in need. This unusual introduction grew into a deep friendship. I insisted that Shakeena introduce me to a responsible adult, and I met her caseworker. No, Shakeena did not become my daughter. We still stay in touch, and I do credit her for teaching me that I have something to offer a teenager. I realized how hungry teenagers in foster care are for life skills. We talked about debit cards and basic cooking skills, and I taught her to drive. (Terrifying!!!!) At 18, she moved a few hours away.

Enter 2014, I fulfilled my professional goal of owning my dental practice! My hours were even kid friendly. 7:30 AM to 3:00 PM!!! Totally recommend it! Great life but still no kids and no husband, and I honestly wanted both. My office manager was the second person to introduce me to the idea of being a foster parent. While she had never done it, she had connections at a foster care agency. To my surprise, they wanted me. Call me antiquated, but I mistakenly thought they preferred married couples. I was wrong. Foster kids come in all varieties, and they want all varieties of foster parents. I jumped in. Now if you thought passing boards and getting licensed in your state was difficult, that was nothing compared to the paperwork and hoops you must jump through to be a foster parent. Finally, after months of classes, background checks in any state I had a mailing address, and a weird nonsensical test that was supposed to rule out perverts, I got my license to help shepherd a child to adulthood.

My first foster child was a lovely 12-year-old girl. We could pass as blood-related, and she was easy - immature in a sweet way and eager to please. Not perfect, her attempt to learn to play the flute was a special type of torture that should be reserved for terrorist interrogation or members of the opposing political party. Imagine listening to someone spit for hours with intermitting tooting in a key that doesn't exist in music as we know it. And she broke my heart. Her early years were bad, worse than Olivia Bennet on Law and Order SVU bad. I lost a little faith in humanity, but I gained an understanding of the resilience that I aspire to today. And I met my husband.

As previously mentioned, I may have dabbled in online dating in my decade-plus of single years. A bad haircut and a general lack of game hid the treasure that is now my husband. I would never have recognized the gem of a man if not for my being a foster mom. We had only been on 4 dates when I learned my first foster child was on her way. I was a nervous wreck. I canceled my upcoming date with him. Or at least I tried to. When I called to reschedule, he suggested that he come over to help me prepare. An evening of hanging shower curtains and cleaning her bedroom was the best date I have ever had.

Who knew? Nothing is sexier than a man who meets the needs you did not know you had. And I was pretty impressed he was willing to continue to date me. After all, a kid after our fourth date was a curveball. Not only did he stay, but he was a great support. My first foster child was with me for 100 days. And I was okay when she left. I knew in my heart her time with me was always going to be finite.

Teneisha was a different story. I am a person firmly grounded in the literal. I have never been described as whimsical, and my husband and I were not the "locked eyes across the crowded room and were instantly soulmates" type of thing. However, I knew that Teneisha was my kid before I ever met her. Can't explain it, but it is true. That said, the instant connection I felt with her did not translate into an easy relationship.

Being a dentist/business owner makes sense to me. Being a new mom to a 15-year-old was tough. Teneisha is vivacious and smart. From her, I learned that I under season my food, have no “shoe game,” and I talk “White.” From me, she learned she needs to floss, how to budget, and how to drive. (Even more terrifying than teaching Shakeena).

Kasey proposed 5 months after Teneisha moved in. She wanted a mama, and she got it. Then she got a stepdad, then a sister, then another sister, then off to college, then came back to a baby brother. It has been a lot. Thus, my inability to properly reserve a hotel room and my unkempt hair. But I love my life and my family. It has been a lot.

I love my life and my family. And I am thankful for the unconventional start. My entrepreneurial spirit helped me embrace the challenges of parenting a child with vastly different life experiences than my own. I had a lot to learn, and I was often humbled. Conversely, being a foster parent made me a better business owner. I try to slow down and think before I address conflict in my office. Resolution is much easier when I take some time to examine others' perspectives before I share my own. Teneisha taught me that. I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone when you feel called to new experiences. You will not be disappointed.

About the author:

Like our fearless leader, Anne Duffy, Dr. Elaine Vowell calls Charlotte, NC home. She has been a dentist for 20 years and continues to find opportunities to improve or grow in the field. Her days are full of dentistry. Nights and weekends are full of family time. Her newest passion has been creating a modern curriculum and teaching hygienists how to deliver safe, effective, and repeatable anesthesia. Feel free to visit her site at www.yourbestshotnc.com