THE RAINBOW PRIDE

By: Poornima Menon

Irecall the uncomfortable feeling that cruised through me when I watched the movie Brokeback Mountain. It was two years after we had moved from India and homosexuality was still unchartered waters for me. I knew about it but had never given it much thought. And 19years ago, no one in India spoke about it.

Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain released in December 2005 and soon became one of the most controversial films of the year. The mainstream audience was confronted by the vision of two straight male actors more than just kissing on the big screen. For the first-time movie goers saw gay men as the main characters instead of the clichéd sidekicks, or AIDS victims or the so-called dregs of the society. They saw two men fall in love! The newspapers carried news of people leaving the theatre upset and aghast. The scenes elicited a very strong response from the audience, which is not surprising. The response this statement piece of cinematic art received was varied—some praised the team for the honest portrayal of a homosexual relationship and the homophobia that lead to the closeting of emotions, while others found it ‘disgusting’ and unsavoury.

Eighteen years after the release of the film, society has come a long way, but there are pockets within our community who are still marooned in ignorance and intolerance and closed to the idea. In LGBTQIA, the ‘Q’ stands for Queer. Queer is generally defined as any sexual identity that exists outside ‘normal’. But then what is ‘normal’ and who decides it? Maintaining the ‘normal’ ends up being a façade for there are several homosexual individuals who keep up a heterosexual cover, are married, and have children. There are many who choose to come out of the closet after years of being in a heterosexual relationship. Globally, Brokeback Mountain started the much-needed conversations, which is the first step towards understanding and acceptance.

I always considered the Western world to be more accepting and open-minded than the Eastern culture which is quite rigid, conservative, and stoic. I recall the unhappy story of a colleague of mine back in India, who divorced her husband 2 months after their marriage. He had chosen to marry to keep his sexual orientation under wraps fearing the wrath of his parents and the society. The lack of freedom he had to lead his life the way he wanted to, dragged another life into the quagmire. Hearteningly things have begun to change. Same gender marriages are legal in some countries, same gender couples are allowed to adopt and raise children and there seems to be normalised response about this from the general public. Even mainstream Bollywood cinema is portraying stories with protagonists from the LGBTQIA community, and these are being accepted by the public. Movies like ‘Kapoor and Sons’, ‘Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga’, ‘Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui’ and the likes are just a few examples.

My interaction with colleagues and friends who identify as gay, lesbian or transgender has been an educative one. I don’t believe in differentiation, but I do believe in celebration. Every day we should to able to celebrate who we are and feel comfortable about it. No one should have to hide in the closet for fear of ridicule. And this is not limited to the LGBTQIA community; it includes women and members of certain other communities. I personally don’t think that one’s sexual orientation or gender or social status should define one’s personality. I have more respect for those who go about their lives like ‘normal’ people without making a huge ‘hoo-ha’ about the whole thing. In a free society, no one should be made to feel isolated, and no one should have to stand on a roof top and shout out who they are. The definition of free is to be able to live one’s life the way one feels fit by respecting the choices of those around them.

Conservative and religiously inclined communities still have a long way to go when accepting the reality of the LGBTQIA members in their families. It is very difficult for people who have been raised with certain fixated norms and traditions to change or alter their way of thinking and will continue to view society through their coloured glasses. The fear is always of the ‘unknown’ and so is the case with these certain pockets of the society to members of the LGBTQIA community. The fear factor results in discrimination and marginalisation. This can lead to depression and anxiety. Studies show gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people are three times more likely to experience depression compared to the broader population. Discrimination and the feeling of inadequacy also leads to the extended use of recreational drugs and practice of unsafe sex. It is the lack of connection that makes life meaningless. And I strongly believe that education is the key to removing this shroud of ignorance.

During my years as a teacher in a mainstream public school I have seen teenagers struggling with ‘identity crisis’. They want to change their names on the school records but cannot do so without parental permission and parents do not give the permission as they don’t want to hear about it. I have seen the brave ones run away from home to make the transition. But it is not easy. I have witnessed and assisted two individuals who successfully made their transitions – one from female to male and the other from male to female. The latter was a colleague when I moved into the corporate world. As Head of People and Culture I made sure that the individual was not vilified or bullied. And I must say that the individual’s co-workers were the most inclusive bunch that I have seen. Being an EEO company, there are employees from all strata of the society, and each is hired for their talent and skill and has nothing to do their gender or sexual orientation. I do not believe in the ‘quota system’ and sometimes equal representation may not be possible, but I am a strong advocate of equal opportunities based on talents and skills. And as equal members of the human race we should all work together with no difference between queer and straight! Here’s to “Gather, Dream, Amplify” for all !