28 minute read
Don’t Be That Guy Guest Etiquette at Weddings
Don’t Be That Guy
By Judy Garrison
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Photography courtesy of Seeing Southern Photography
Put away the iPhones
70 DeSoto 68
Good Manners Never Go Out of Style
In 1922, Emily Post understood the necessity of guidelines for every occasion and published Etiquette in Society, an immediate blockbuster. Synonymous with manners, Post might cringe at some of the modern wedding practices and conduct at these 21st century soirées. Although many of Post’s wedding rules have loosened or been abandoned, her fundamental truths about how to act at a wedding or any other of life’s gatherings have not changed. Always attempt to please the greatest number of people because good manners never go out of style.
Have a blast
Allow the photographer private time with the couple.
The good, the bad, and the ugly… wedding photographers who have seen it all offer advice for being a considerate guest.
Come Monday, the conversation should not revolve around you. The festivities at last weekend’s wedding caused even Cinderella to blush with envy. The bride was heart-stopping in a lovely vintage gown, and the handsome groom was obviously so much in love, “but (and this is where it all goes wrong) could you believe those embarrassing moves the best man did on the dance floor?” Don’t be that guy that outshines — or eclipses — the bride and groom. According to The Knot, the average cost of a wedding in 2019 was $33,000. Every cent has been carefully allocated between the venue, caterer, photographer, florist, and multiple others to ensure that this moment in time is as close to perfection as humanly possible. And to enjoy it all, invitations are sent to the couple’s closest family and friends, an honor no guest should take lightly. As wedding photographers, my husband and I have seen our share of the good, the bad, and the ugly at weddings. We have filed every single one of these moments in our brains to share with our clients and all who celebrate at weddings. From the moment you receive an invitation to the last second of the reception, be the best wedding guest by observing correct etiquette and following some simple advice.
Yes, I’ll be there.
The invitation in the mail signals the beginning of the social affair of the year. Return your acceptance card through the postal service immediately. The couple depends on your nod to secure numbers needed by the caterer and venue long before the wedding day. Don’t text or send a message via Facebook; it might be easier, but it’s tacky. And, while you’re at it, go ahead and make plans to mail the wedding gift (or order via their registry) so that you won’t have to lug it to the wedding. Gifts should be sent whether you attend the wedding or not.
Let’s go shopping!
Whether it’s casual, semi-formal, or formal, dress according to the bridal couple’s request. The most popular, semi-formal; however, casual weddings sporting bedazzled Keds and flipflops are on the rise. In regards to color, never wear white and avoid wearing the color of the bridal party. I love a party! Can I come? You have children, a significant other, or close friend, and you wonder if you can bring them. Refer to the invitation. If it doesn’t say “plus one” or guest or children, that’s a “No!” “Wedding Crashers” was a great movie, but that’s where the idea should end.
She (and he) is off limits!
No matter if you are family or friend, don’t push your way into the bridal suite to see the bride (or groom) before the ceremony. The hours before the ceremony have been planned down to the minute. Stylists are busy preparing the bride and the entire wedding party, gifts are being exchanged, photographs are being taken, and frankly, this is the time when the bride needs time to exhale. Months of planning have come down to this very moment; she deserves a little reflection. In fact, don’t text the bride or groom on the wedding day for any reason. If there’s a problem, talk to the wedding planner or anyone besides the couple. Even good intentions cause stress, and that’s the last thing to add to the couple’s shoulders. Don’t be late. The ceremony is the most important part of the day. Ideally, arrive 30 minutes before the ceremony time on the invitation; if it’s a large wedding, play it safe by arriving even earlier so you’ll have a good seat. Be on time for the vows; avoid an awkward entrance. Fashionably late doesn’t apply to weddings. And, don’t skip the ceremony. It’s the main event, and as much as you might like to ditch the ceremony and show up at the party, it’s looked upon as rude. Respect traditions. Some wedding traditions are as old as time itself. Familiar ones like exchanging rings, wearing a veil, tossing the garter, or wearing something blue are always popular. But what about religious traditions? The Jewish ceremony takes place underneath a chuppah, and the reading of the Ketubah lays out the marriage contract. In Latin weddings, the groom gives the bride 13 gold coins, symbolizing Christ and his apostles. Some Christian weddings include the braiding of three strands of rope, representing the bride, groom, and God, and when braided, become one. A Celtic tradition of cords or colorful fabric is wrapped around the couple’s joined hands, signifying the literal tying of the knot. No matter if the expressions be religious, cultural, or secular, appreciate the experience by honoring the couple’s traditions regardless of your faith or belief.
Put your phone (& camera) away.
Be present at the ceremony. Focus your attention on the bride and groom, not on getting that iPhone shot to share on social media. The professional photographer should not have to compete with iPhones, cameras, video cameras, or
flashes. Having your devices show up in the professional photos is not how the couple wants to remember their day. And, silence your phone. Once the reception begins, snap away.
Let the photographer do the job.
Photography is an investment for the couple, a hefty investment. And, for the professionals to do their job, guests need to get out of the way. Do not hover over the photographer or stand behind them with cell phones and cameras shooting over their shoulders. It’s important that all eyes are on the photographer, not on Uncle Bob or Aunt Susie. Stop sticking phones and iPads out in the aisles during the ceremony; the photographer only has one chance to get that first kiss. Don’t shout poses to the bride and groom, and for heaven’s sake, stop messing with the bride’s dress. Most photographers have a person in charge of fluffing and straightening. Forget the afterceremony photo shoot of the bridal party; go enjoy the reception. You’ll have the opportunity to relive every moment in about six weeks when the images are delivered.
Get out on that floor!
In other words, have a great time. You are an important part of this experience, and the bride and groom have gone to great lengths to make sure you enjoy yourself. A live band or charismatic DJ? Hit the dance floor. Request tunes. Mingle with other guests. Enjoy the open bar, but know your limits; don’t embarrass yourself or the couple, and never, ever grab a bottle from behind the bar. Time to leave. It’s good to stay for the entire reception; of course, 80-year-old Grandma Liz can leave early if she wants. Keep dancing until the very end. However, before calling it a night, it’s important to speak to the couple (or a family member). Acknowledge the beauty of the wedding and thank them for including you. Your happiness means they made it as wonderful as they imagined.
Writer Judy Garrison and her husband/photographer Len Garrison love love. For that reason, rather than taking the weekend off, they spend their time traveling, photographing, and curating some of the greatest love stories of the 21st century. View their work at www.seeingsouthernphotography.com.
Custom Personalized Notecards
Grace Anne Byrd
Branding Your Wedding
By Elizabeth M. Tettleton | Photography courtesy of Grace Anne Byrd and Sheri Scruggs
Tell your love story from the save-the-date to the thank-you cards with custom-designed stationery.
The internet is flooded with options for brides. From blogs to Pinterest, professionals and amateurs, brides can become quickly overwhelmed when being told what they should want when it comes to wedding papers and stationery. Instead, they should be getting assistance in discovering what they truly need. It can be an undertaking that comes with a hefty price tag, especially because brides are usually looking at professional services for stationery for the very first time. Two Oxford-based stationery designers Sheri Scruggs of p. press papers and Grace Anne Byrd of Grace Anne Byrd Designs help couples craft images that depict their unique styles and can brand the wedding from start to finish.
Know Your Budget “You have to decide what is most important to you,” says Scruggs. “Knowing priorities dictates where you use your budget.” Your budget for your overall wedding is important to establish, but deciding a specific budget on save-the-dates, invitations, thank-you cards, enclosures, etc., is most crucial to determine in the beginning phases of the journey, Scruggs emphasizes, especially if stationary is one of the top prioritized must-haves. “I don’t want to show a bride something she can’t afford,” says Scruggs, who has a PDF packet she emails to brides who reach out to her. “It helps me establish with her
Personalized Notecards
what the real cost of what ‘she’s seen before’ actually is before we meet in person.” Scruggs has found this approach helps her brides reduce frustration and not waste time, and they can both gauge if meeting for a consultation will be beneficial. Her company provides options for a range of budgets. By offering digital printing and outsourcing to other printers, she says she is able to offer brides exceptional rates.
Artists Bring Details Artist Grace Anne Byrd provides hand-calligraphed images. Her work is uniquely “you” and is an example of personalization for a signature life event. “Every piece of artwork starts as a conversation with the client to nail down what’s important to them,” says Byrd. “How I can perfectly encapsulate words and artwork will become a treasured work of art for them for years to come.” She offers four types of calligraphy, and specializes in hand-calligraphed envelopes, papers, cards, and enclosures, but she also takes her art to a larger format that continues to narrate the couple’s love story long after the wedding day. “These custom pieces of artwork have contained scripture verses from the wedding service, wedding vows, lyrics from the first dance, or a quote that is meaningful to the couple,” Byrd explains. One piece of Byrd’s work that has caught attention on social media was the laundry room of a friend she recently hand painted. “In years past I’ve tried making wallpaper from a collection of handpainted watercolor patterns,” says Byrd. “When I wasn’t able to make the wallpaper designs transcribe to wallpaper like I wanted, my friend asked me if I could just paint a pattern on her laundry room wall.”
Getting What You Pay For In the business world, “you only get one first impression” with your next client, and the same can be said for every detail of a wedding when communicating with guests. Some styles of paper printing dictate the thickness and type of paper required, but aside from that, the weight, touch, and feel make a more significant impression on the recipient. Scruggs understands that this realization is not something that translates for brides without them being able to feel the product in their hands. “I require an initial consultation,” says Scruggs. “I have found that you cannot translate quality online, through photos or through email.”
And there’s a distinct difference between ordering a save-the-date from an online printer versus a quality printing house that solely prints as their craft. “I don’t print anything from my home,” says Scruggs. “I outsource to quality vendors I trust that handle those aspects. I create the layout, the design, and mediate the order, but I’m not printing and pressing in my own home.” Scruggs then has items dropshipped directly to the client, or to herself and then delivers to the client. Essentially, p. press is the intermediary and the quality control that the “do-it-yourself ” option doesn’t provide. Invited guests, quite literally, will feel the difference.
ppresspapers.com Etsy: GraceAnneByrdDesigns
Wedding Invitation History Wedding invitations have come a long way since the days of the town crier, which is how guests were invited in the 1700s. Anyone who heard the announcement could attend the ceremony. Although the days of the town crier invites are gone, many other long-ago customs for wedding invitations still survive today. As more people learned to read, wealthier families often commissioned monks to write the wedding invitations. Calligraphy from monks was highly coveted, and they often added a family crest to the invitation so that those who were virtually illiterate could identify the family. The delicate piece of tissue paper with the invitation is actually a hold-over custom from the 1600s when metal plate engraving was invented. The engraving would easily smudge, so a small piece of paper was placed on top of the invitation. That custom continues to be commonly used today. And what’s with two envelopes, another tradition still used today? Before the 20th century, hand delivery was the only guaranteed way a wedding invitation would arrive. Many of these deliveries were by horseback, and the envelope did not arrive in the cleanest condition. Thus, the double envelope idea was created. Once the courier reached his destination, he handed the invitation to a servant, who then removed the outer envelope and handed the inner envelope along with the invitation to the master or mistress of the house. Source: www.weddings.lovetoknow.com
Based in Oxford, Elizabeth McDaniel Tettleton is a freelance writer and the leader and co-founder of The Oxford Comma creative writing workshop group. She is also an event planner for the Ole Miss Alumni Association.
Dance Like Everyone is Watching
By Jason Frye | Photography courtesy of backyardballroom.com
The first step to a happy marriage might just begin on the dance floor at your wedding.
78 DeSoto My wedding day was gorgeous. A perfect October day on the coast of North Carolina. Blue skies, photogenic clouds on the horizon, nary a hurricane in sight. We had our ceremony – short and sweet – and a cocktail hour – just enough time for one sip and 100 photos – then our introduction and first dance. Oh, that dance. As a former middle school teacher, I can say with certainty that I’ve seen better moves in a gym decorated with crepe paper and one too many dark corners than anyone witnessed in Southport, N.C., on Oct. 20, 2006. My wife and I, we dance at Phish shows. If you don’t know Phish, think Grateful Dead with fewer tie-dyes; think The Allman Brothers with sillier lyrics; think 10,000 people dancing like those giant blow-up noodle things that car lots use to try to get you to stop in for a test drive. That’s what I look like when I dance: a windsock puppet flailing in the breeze, following no particular rhythm or rhyme or tempo, just moving for the sake of moving. Frankly it’s embarrassing. Oh, it’s freeing when you’re in the crowd at a concert and the lights and music conspire to whip everyone into an ecstatic frenzy, but to dance like this at your wedding? No bueno. Let’s just say that if I had decided to whip out some Phish moves for our first dance there’d have been no honeymoon. That’s not to say we didn’t try to learn to dance. We did. But 20 minutes into our complimentary one-hour intro
session at Babs McDance, my wife-to-be and I both knew that we’d be doing the eighth-grade shuffle in front of 100 of our nearest and dearest; we decided to be fine with that. So, when Bob Dylan’s “Bye and Bye” played, we assumed the center of the dance floor and attempted a simple box step. Which we managed until the first chorus. That’s where things fell apart. We lost count. Blushed. Kissed. And scooted close – so close my eighth-grade teacher self would’ve slid onto the dance floor and politely reminded us to leave a little daylight between each other – and began to Frankenshuffle. You know the move. You’ve done the move. Her hands on your shoulder, or, scandalously, clasped loosely behind your neck. Your hands on her waist, or, if you’re feeling your oats, on her hips, or, if you’re hopeful things are going to go that way later, hands on her lower back, pulling her so close she could count your pocket change with her hip. Through all of this, your feet barely move. Essentially you lean to the left, lift your right foot ever so slightly, reset your right foot and repeat on the other side. Advanced shufflers might attempt a glacially-slow turn. Which we did. In the months building up to the wedding a friend attempted to teach us to Shag, but the silky smooth six-step was too much for us to handle. We tried a Foxtrot and a Waltz to no avail. And in the middle of it all, the videos of coordinated dances – wedding parties doing the Thriller dance down the aisle, couples reenacting whole choreographies from movies and music videos as they made their entrance, father-daughter dances that showed signs of professional ballroom dancers in someone’s family tree – emerged. We watched a ton of these videos. We laughed at a few. We stared in awe at others. We agreed that this was not for us. In the years since our wedding, I’ve come to regret not learning to dance, not learning at least one set of steps that I could do with my wife and make the whole world disappear for the length of a song. I’ve seen Shag dancers in North and South Carolina disappear into a melody and dazzle onlookers. I’ve stood by in bars in Louisiana while a zydeco band plays and the dance floor is awhirl. In Texas and Wyoming, I’ve watched cowboys take their ladies’ hands and lead them in nimble steps or hold them close when the tempo calls for it. In Chile and Peru and France and The Netherlands, I’ve stayed off the dance floor and left room for hip-shaking, quick-stepping, silly and sensual dancers and wished I had the confidence or the moves to match theirs. So, Southern Gentlemen and Gentleladies, if there’s one piece of wedding advice I can give you it’s not about how to live in bliss or how to make things last – those answers are yours to figure out – it’s this: learn to dance, and on your wedding day, do it well. And every anniversary thereafter, every moment you’re standing in the kitchen making dinner and your song comes on, grab your partner and dance.
Jason Frye dances like no one is watching and prefers to dance when no one is watching. Maybe one day he’ll dance on Instagram, but you’ll never know if you don’t follow @BeardedWriter.
Getting on the Music Map
By Jim Beaugez | Photography courtesy of Best OK Designs and J.B. Lawrence
Southern indie rockers rediscover creativity and partner with top talent for their latest release.
Just when Jackson, Mississippi-based singer-songwriter Micah Smith thought things were all over for Empty Atlas, a new chapter unfolded for his indie-rock band. On the eve of releasing their debut album, Hestia, in 2016, Empty Atlas decided its album-release show would be its last. But there was no drama to the decision. Front man and songwriter Micah Smith simply wanted to tour more often, while his bandmates had responsibilities that kept them close to home. Smith didn’t realize that Brennan Michael White, the next lead guitar player for Empty Atlas, was at their farewell performance. Nor did he know that bassist Alex Ingram, who played in an early version of the band, would move back from Nashville at the same time. He surely didn’t realize drummer
Robert Currie Hansford, whose band opened for Empty Atlas’s second-to-last show, would play a role. “At the end of December 2016, we got that group together and really haven’t stopped playing since,” says Smith. “We’ve had a really good time getting to tour all through the Southeast and recording new music.” Empty Atlas’s music centers on the storytelling of Smith, whose melodic instincts and emotional heft put him in the same category as songwriters like Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cuties and Matt Berninger of The National. His bandmates deliver the rhythmic muscle to carry the weight of the songs and the sonic inventiveness to illustrate the depth of his lyrics. Smith calls the band’s latest release, Kairos [Carved in Stone Records], the “spiritual successor” to Hestia, which dealt with different notions of what home means to people. Also loosely conceptual in nature, Kairos deals with the search to rediscover creativity for the sake of creating. Both albums, although not autobiographical, follow seasons in Smith’s own life. Hestia arose from the existential question marks he encountered when he decided to get married and what it meant to create a home and a family. “I started thinking of these questions about what home means to me and why it’s so important,” he says. “[But] for other people, it’s not the same situation. Some people view home as this thing to run away from, not run to.” Four years later, Smith was rediscovering music as a means to create, rather than an end in itself. As the songs for Kairos took shape, he realized they also dealt with the personal reckonings that come from going all-in on one path. “It’s really about the idea of finding joy in the act of creating and in the act of making these connections with people, and about what you’re willing to sacrifice in order to be happy,” he says. The first single from Kairos, “Maximal,” wrestles those themes in the foreground, around the centerpiece line, “I never set the goal, so it’s always out of reach.” The main character casts aside relationships he’s built in order to commit to dream no matter the consequences, and having that blow up in his face. “[Goal chasing] is kind of a losing game in itself, because as soon as you set one goal and hit it, your desire is to set a higher goal for the next thing,” he says. “And it doesn’t necessarily work that way. “If all you care about is where you’re going to be in five years, then you’re going to spend five years trying to be somewhere and not actually be in places.” To achieve the album’s punch and clarity, the band called upon the mixing skills of Tyler Spratt, who contributed to the Imagine Dragons album Origins, which hit No. 2 on the Billboard 200 albums chart, and worked with The Revivalists on their Platinum single “Wish I Knew You.” Just as Empty Atlas was finishing the album, the North Carolina-based indie label Carved in Stone Records heard about the band and contacted them. Smith says the more they talked, the more it became clear how much they cared about the band’s music. “We talked to a couple indie labels before about the potential of putting something out, but every time it just felt a lot like, ‘Well, what can you do for me?’” he says. “It just felt really crappy to get treated like a commodity before we ever signed anything.” Smith admits that what record labels can offer today is vastly different from the days when labels controlled the distribution and promotion of music. In the streaming era, many talented musicians have become savvy marketers, as well. “It’s just nice to have somebody else in your corner to help, and that is definitely what they were offering.”
Jim Beaugez is a freelance music writer based in Clinton, Miss. Follow him on Twitter @JimBeaugez.
Shaken, Not Stirred
Story and photography by Cheré Coen
The famous Ramos Gin Fizz requires several minutes of shaking to produce its beautiful frothy head.
One of the most popular cocktails hailing from the spirited city of New Orleans is the Ramos Gin Fizz, made popular by Henry “Carl” Ramos at his turn-of-the-20th-century bar, The Imperial Cabinet Saloon. There’s some argument as to whether Ramos created the drink or it was the brainchild of friend Philip Machet, who owned a package liquor store in Baton Rouge. “Machet was an enterprising sort, and as a way to encourage business, he created a new drink from gin, cream, egg white, lemon juice, and soda water,” writes Elizabeth M. Williams and Chris McMillian in “Lift Your Spirits: A Celebratory History of Cocktail Culture in New Orleans.” Machet offered this unique mixture to customers and soon the demand for the drink outpaced the sales of his store’s liquor, not to mention his ability to serve the drink to so many customers, the authors attest. So, Machet sold the recipe to Ramos. When Ramos opened the Imperial in New Orleans, he sold the original gin cocktail but added his own ingredients. Because of the cream and egg whites, intense shaking for several minutes is required for the drink to produce a frothy head. Ramos hired “shaker boys” to vibrate cocktail canisters for eight minutes per drink to produce the required result. The drink became a sensation — sometimes selling up to 5,000 in a week. During one Mardi Gras, there were 32 bartenders behind Ramos’ bar. Ramos served his last Gin Fizz in 1919, when Prohibition began and bars and saloons were forced to close. The moment Prohibition started, Ramos published his secret recipe in the New Orleans Item-Tribune, according to the Bourbon O Bar at the Bourbon Orleans Hotel, which serves the Ramos Gin Fizz. Ramos died in 1928, his drink so renown his obituary was published in TIME magazine. Today, the Bourbon O Bar continues the tradition, not only serving the drink but shaking the concoction for six minutes via a shaker machine. “It’s (the machine) the only one of its kind in the French Quarter,” says Camille Harley, the Bourbon O Bar mixologist. “‘The Joy of Mixology’ says to blend the Gin Fizz in a blender, but it doesn’t quite get as frothy.” The prolonged shaking makes all the difference, Harley insists. “When you shake it this long, it forms a meringue. It’s very frothy, very fresh.” Harley offers one last piece of advice for the perfect Ramos Gin Fizz. “The biggest thing is to add soda water last,” she says. According to the owners of the Bourbon O Bar, the following recipe is the exact recipe Ramos published in the New Orleans Item-Tribune with one exception. The bar uses simple syrup instead of Ramos’ use of powdered sugar.
Ramos Gin Fizz 1/2-ounce gin 1 tablespoon simple syrup (1:1) 1/2-ounce fresh lemon juice 1/2-ounce fresh lime juice 1 fresh egg white 1-ounce heavy cream 3 drops orange flower water 1-ounce club soda, chilled Tools: shaker, strainer Glass: 8-ounce juice glass
Directions: Combine the first six ingredients in a shaker with one square cube of ice or three regular pieces of ice. Shake vigorously for at least six minutes. Pour the soda water into the glass, then strain the shaken mixture on top.
Cheré Coen is a native of New Orleans and thus, a lover of cocktails. Her roots hail back to Mississippi, however, which may be why she loves Four Roses bourbon as much as Faulkner.
Planning a Special Wedding in One Week
By Betty H. Adams | Photo courtesy of Betty H. Adams
The ceremony was rushed to accommodate the groom’s military assignment, but the community wouldn’t be left out.
In my senior year at Louisiana College, Robert L. Adams sent a letter asking me to wed. Not only was the letter a pledge of undying love but a list of logical reasons why this wedding should happen within a week. Bob followed up with a phone call, of course, explaining that his first duty assignment after graduating Navy’s Officer Candidate School was being sent to the Philippines for three years. If we were married, the Navy would allow me to join him as soon as I graduated and pay my way there. I anxiously headed home to Bogalusa, La., to plead my case with my parents, who took wedding vows seriously. I waited until morning at the breakfast table to state my case for a wedding the following weekend. There was complete silence until my Dad asked if I was prepared to spend the rest of my life looking at Bob across the breakfast table. “You must be sure,” my Dad says, “for in this family there is no divorce. Murder maybe, but no divorce.” My Mom and I decided to have a simple service in our living room with our immediate families present. Our minister would perform the ceremony, Mom the paperwork, and Bob sent me money for two simple gold wedding bands. Back at school Mom called and said, “This isn’t going to work.” I thought she was calling off the wedding, but instead she wanted to move the ceremony to the church because half the community wanted to attend. That weekend, flowers were delivered, my dear cousin arrived to sing in the ceremony, a photographer showed up, and a friend of the family created a wedding cake with a bride and groom on top that my sisters later used on their wedding cakes. There are some perks to living in a small town where everyone knows you. That night when the music swelled and I walked down the aisle on my father’s supportive arm, I knew I had made the right choice. The church was decorated with flowers, the pews were filled with family and friends who had loved and supported me my whole life, and Bob and his father waited at the altar. Bob looked so dashing in his new naval uniform of dress blues. The ceremony went off without a hitch and the simple reception was as elaborate as most receptions in Southeast Louisiana were at that time. Bob and I left for our three-day honeymoon in his father’s white Ford. His Dad never did get “Just married” off that car for my cousins had used shoe dye instead of polish. Our brief honeymoon consisted of me finding an apartment near campus and getting Bob ready to travel to the Philippines. Conservative Louisiana College had a firm rule that married women could not live on campus even though my husband would be on the other side of the world serving his country. A funny postscript happened years later. My daughters came across the article of our wedding in my hometown paper. It was a huge spread because I had worked for Mr. and Mrs. Houser’s newspaper every summer. When their former staffer got married, they treated it as if it were the society event of the year. For me, it was.