Essays and viewpoints.

PURELY COMMENTARY

for openers Sing Me A House

If you are a fan of the DIY network, you are probably familiar with many aspects of the building trade. Maybe you have seen houses built or rebuilt. However, I would venture a guess that none of them was redone with music. “Home on the Range” has graced many a campfire; at holiday time, we know that we can go “up on the rooftop quick, quick, quick.” The actual parts of a house have been memorialized in many songs, if you think about it. And, of course, I am going to.

The idea of a home as an entity has been captured in “Take Me Home” (Phil Collins), “Nobody’s Home” (Deep Purple) and “Home” (Michael Buble as well as Sheryl Crow).

Though a house would never be built this way, let’s start at the top and work our way down. “The Roof” (Mariah Carey), “Rain on the Roof” (Lovin’ Spoonful) and “Up on the Roof” (Drifters) all give a shingular start. (Stay with me; it can only get worse.)

We know of building walls, tearing down walls, climbing the walls and having seen the writing on the wall. Therefore, we are not surprised to find: Pink Floyd telling of “Another Brick in the Wall;” Bon Jovi has been concerned with “Walls;” Sam Smith has told us that the “Writing’s on the Wall;” Miley Cyrus has recounted being a “Fly on the Wall.”

To look in or to look out, what can serve better than a window?

Melissa Etheridge has asked us to “Come To My Window;” the Temptations have assured us that “I’ll Keep a Light in My Window.” “O Mary, At the Window Be” was urged by none other than Ludvig van Beethoven.

Whether it is protected by

an additional screen or being double wide or lifts up to reveal the garage, a door is the portal to the structure. It has been the concern of several singing groups. Consider “Looking Out My Back Door” (Creedence Clearwater), “Knocking on Heaven’s Door” (both Bob Dylan and Guns N’ Roses) and “Behind Closed Doors” (both Sy Manello Editorial Diana Ross and Dolly Parton).

Assistant So, you see you do not have to be good with a hammer or drawing plans or have electrical/plumbing skills. Just get some song sheets and start. Happy house singing!

CORRECTION

In ‘No Jew Should Be Alone” (Dec. 23, page 12), Ellen Kershenbaum’s name was misspelled, and it should have said that Rabbi Hershel Klainberg is also retiring.

opinion Israel Is Fast Approaching the Moment of Truth with Iran

The nuclear talks between world powers and Iran are moving forward and will soon reach the decision-making stage. To borrow a soccer analogy, the sides are done feeling each other out. The Iranians, masters of negotiation, tried conditioning the continuation of talks on the removal of sanctions and were rebuffed. It appears that this time the Europeans (mainly Germany, France and Great Britain) are more involved in the talks, while the Americans, who spearheaded negotiations under former President Barack Obama, are working more collaboratively with the other global powers.

It seems that despite the mutual threats and prevailing sense that the talks were headed toward failure, an agreement will ultimately be reached that will restrict Iran’s pace of uranium enrichment and give Tehran what it wants with the removal of most of the draconian sanctions.

Iran’s long-term strategic interest is to possess a nuclear weapon. In the short term, however, under the yoke of sanctions and a sputtering economy that threatens the regime’s survival, Tehran must get the sanctions lifted.

The United States, under a president with plummeting approval ratings, needs an achievement to improve his standing. The Chinese and

Russians, which regardless don’t abide by the sanctions, will be glad to return to doing legitimate business with Iran — such that ultimately, all sides have an interest in reaching a deal. Israel is in the toughest position of all. If a deal is reached, currently sanctioned funds will be unfrozen, allowing Iranian terror and influence to run amok across the Middle East. We can expect the situation in Syria to change as well, and for the Iranians to apply even Eliezer more pressure in an effort to Marom cement their influence there. JNS.org The Iranian nuclear threat won’t be eliminated, either, with the country remaining close to the threshold point.

continued on page 10

essay

A New Year’s Message

Describing the meaning of community, Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks wrote: “It is where I am valued simply for who I am, how I live and what I give to others. It is the place where they know my name.” “Community,” Rabbi Sacks wrote, is “the place where we know we’re not alone.”

I don’t know a better definition, nor one more relevant.

Today, as we face the latest wave of the global pandemic, thousands of individuals in our local Jewish community remain vulnerable to social isolation, along with the loneliness, anxiety and depression that often come with it.

Fortunately, we live in one of the most caring and closeknit Jewish communities to be found anywhere. There are scores of incredible organizations working to enrich the lives of Jewish individuals of every age and interest, as well as a range of congregations welcoming those seeking spiritual and social interaction and growth.

There are some, however, who remain outside our warm community “tent.” Some may have simply lost connection over time, while others, perhaps, have never been asked.

One of my highest priorities as Federation’s CEO is to bring Jewish experiences and connection into the lives of more of our community members. We do this every day through our support for Jewish schools, camps and other organizations that foster Jewish life — from BBYO and Hillels on Campus to the JCC and Jewish Senior Life, among others. It’s also the goal of our ever-expanding roster of Federation programs, which deliver Jewish content based on interests, stage of life, profession and almost every other category.

Alongside our efforts to raise and distribute the resources necessary to take care of needs across the community, we also work to build a caring and inclusive Jewish home for everyone. If even a single Jewish individual feels alienated, alone or in need of support, our work is incomplete.

We can all play a part in this effort. I would encourage you to reach out to anyone who might need assistance, connection or even a moment of

simple friendship. Remember that this is a time when chesed, the Jewish concept of kindness and compassion, is the most important thing you can share. And for anyone needing assistance, you can direct them to JHELP at jhelp.org or 1-833445-4357. I’d like to wish you all happiSteven ness and health in the coming Ingber year, as well as my deep gratitude. The Jewish Federation — and the work we do to take care of those in need and support this amazing community — is possible only through your spirit and generosity. Thank you for all you have done and continue to do for our Jewish community.

Steven Ingber is CEO of the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Detroit.

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PURELY COMMENTARY

essay

Morality, Wisdom and Hope in 2022

As the turbulent 2021 came to an end, I was blessed to enjoy a family vacation to Washington, D.C. There, we oriented ourselves by the Washington Monument: to the north sat our hotel, just beyond the White House; to the west, the Lincoln Memorial gleamed; to the east of the Monument, the Capitol dome rose on the Hill; and to the south, the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Center shared its message with the world. As a family descended from Holocaust survivors, we believe the United States remains an idea that inspires visions of a better tomorrow and a land that offers refuge to the tired masses yearning to breathe free.

Like the Washington Monument, Judaism stands among the world religions as a centering presence and directional support. Ever since our descent thousands of years ago into Egypt, and then again after the destruction of the First and Second Holy Temples, we Jews have served as an instrument of moral orientation, as well as a towering presence of wisdom and hope to the world.

First, as individual Jews living actively Jewish lives in a Gentile world, we share with our neighbors the ethics and morality derived from a position of intergenerational otherness. Thirty-six times the Torah reminds us that we were strangers in a strange land and that we therefore possess an obligation to protect the vulnerable. As if the entire Torah were an answer from God to Cain’s query, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” (Genesis 4:9), Moses pronounced one of the most important teachings that Judaism brings to our world: “You must not remain indifferent” (Deuteronomy 22:3). The wisdom of Judaism and, even more so the lessons derived from suffering of Jews, lead to the realization that humanity cannot stand when the powerful abuse the powerless.

Second, Judaism declares that a family must take care of its own and that all within a nation are responsible for one another. Our Torah instructs us that maturity is only truly achieved upon seeing the suffering of others and responding with action. Twice we read that Moses grew up, the first in reference to his physical development and the second regarding his spiritual development when he arose passionately to cease the suffering of his kinsman.

Moreover, when the Torah demands, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18), it speaks of one Jew’s need to care, respect, honor and show compassion toward his or her fellow Jews.

As communities locally and nations globally continue to see their residents suffering from the pandemic and poverty, violence and vitriol, they would do well to learn the wisdom of the Jewish people, whose profound sense of obligation toward one another far supersedes any sense of personal rights or self-entitlement.

Third, we Jews exemplify the meaningfulness of joyful gratitude and true humility. At home and at the synagogue, through the whisper of blessings each day to the singing, dancing and culinary rituals celebrating Shabbat and Jewish holidays, Judaism uplifts the spirit and nourishes the soul. Moreover, the brilliance of the mandate to disconnect from technology one day each week offers a powerful salve in a world tortured by the plagues of social media and the 24/7 news industry.

Just as important, Judaism’s commitment to seeking truth and practicing radical listening, especially to those with whom we disagree, are the foundations of our educational process. In a world driven by ever-increasing commercialization, tribalism and the echo-chambers of social

media, the Jewish idea that life is richer through gratitude and humility offers a transformational path to healthier, happier lives. Beyond all this wisdom, though, perhaps the greatest direction toward which Judaism guides the world as we come into 2022 is the hope that comes from faith in God, and the pragmatic optimism that springs forth from the partnership between humanity and the Divine. It is Rabbi Aaron the fervent Jewish

Starr belief in a messianic era, described as peace between nations and the satiety of human needs. In a time of terrible anxiety, bloodthirsty anger and profound suffering, the vision of a time in which every person shall sit under his or her vine and fig tree and that none shall make him/ her afraid should unite us in shared purpose and labor. There is strength in faith and power in hope. As we begin 2022, the morality, wisdom and hope of the Jewish people offer compass and stability to a world desperately in need of direction and calm. May we orient ourselves by our faith and our people, by our Washington Monument, so the rest of the world, too, can find its path forward to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Rabbi Aaron Starr is a spiritual leader of Congregation Shaarey Zedek in Southfield.

essay 40 Years of Psychiatry: What Have I Learned?

Agood friend of mine suggested that I write about what I recall most vividly from my 40 years of practicing psychiatry. (Please notice that I said practicing and not mastering.) I decided to retire two years ago, just before COVID hit. It seemed like the right time for me to retire while I still was enjoy-

Dr. Jeff ing my interac-

London tions with my patients and their families. I suggested to a colleague that I was trying to go out like Barry Sanders, at the top of my game. He laughed and suggested that if that were my plan, perhaps I should have hung up my cleats 10 years ago! (I think he was kidding.)

Over the years, my practice evolved to focus on evaluation and medication management, mostly with children and adolescents. I saw many patients from childhood into adulthood. Some I only saw once because they or their parents didn’t choose to return. The recent events in Oxford are a sobering reminder, however, of how important even one contact with a mental health professional can be.

LOOKING BACK

What do I miss the most? I miss the warm feeling that comes from helping people. Making my living trying to improve the lives of others was a blessing. I also miss meeting new people and hearing their stories. I miss the challenge of figuring out what was important and developing a treatment plan with my patients and their families. I miss my relationships with my colleagues, psychiatrists, therapists and secretaries.

What do I not miss? Paperwork … fighting with insurance companies … conflicts with patients … missed appointments … calling in prescriptions … problems that seemed insolvable (although I was often surprised by how much people benefitted from having someone hear them out and validate their feelings, even if I didn’t have an easy answer!)

I developed my own style, what I called my “Socratic method.” Why are you really here? Why now? What help do you think you need? What do you think that I have on my metaphorical shelf that may be helpful to you? Can we work together to find out what you really need?

I borrowed from Socrates’ famous “Know thyself” and the Serenity Prayer: You may not always be able to change yourself or accept yourself, but you can always try to know yourself better. And if I encourage your attempt to deepen your self-awareness, it usually makes it easier to change what you can and to accept what you can’t.

I learned a lot from coping with my own problems. I saw a few therapists from time to time, some who helped and some who didn’t, and I learned from those experiences.

LEARNING FROM PATIENTS

When I think about it, I did an awful lot of borrowing from others. Psychiatry is a lot like writing; stealing ideas from others is often the best way to find your own style. And I not only learned from national experts, I learned from my colleagues and, most of all, from my patients. A few examples come to mind. (Names and details have been altered.)

Kathy presented with severe IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and intense anxiety. Her anxiety lessened, helped by cognitive therapy and Zoloft, but she continued to feel ruled by her bowel symptoms. Eventually, with a lot of help, she was brave enough to say to me and herself: “I’m tired of missing out on trips and family outings; even if I have to make three bathroom stops along the way, it’s better than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.”

Jake was a kid who never quite fit in at school. I treated him for ADHD with clear improvement, but he was still struggling academically and socially, despite counseling and medication. He was well-intentioned, but continued to get in trouble for his impulsive behavior. I worried about what would happen to Jake as he got older.

I followed him through his high school years and once he started working at a local pizza place, I began to see a different side of him. Unlike at school, he showed a real aptitude for learning at work and was game to try everything from cleaning the floors to serving and even cooking.

Once he graduated from high school (by the skin of his teeth), he briefly tried community college without much success. Instead, he began to work in the kitchen at the schools he had previously attended. Once again, his work ethic and positive attitude led to success and advancement. He continued to take his ADHD meds, which helped with his attention span and, when I retired, he had advanced to

PURELY COMMENTARY

40 YEARS OF PSYCHIATRY continued from page 9

the position of head chef in the kitchen of a local high school.

Jake and others taught me not to give up on people too early.

Joyce came to see me after she had almost flunked out of medical school. She was distraught and discouraged. A careful evaluation by myself and a colleague showed symptoms consistent with ADHD-inattentive type and, once I started her on stimulant medication, Joyce was suddenly solidly in the middle of her class. She is now a successful doctor with a better understanding of herself and her patients.

There are so many other patients whom I have helped along the way with symptoms of depression, anxiety, ADHD and family and school issues. But it’s interesting that the ones who most readily come to mind are those with whom I struggled at first, those whom I saw as unreachable or stuck.

I learned that sometimes I was truly the one who felt stuck. And this taught me to hear the voice in my head not as a defeat, but as a sign that I needed to take a step back and try to reach the patient in a different way, to slow down and redefine our goals.

That doesn’t mean I was always successful or helpful. But this reminded me to sometimes question my assumptions and to search for an authentic encounter, to try to meet people where they were. While many people may not have seemed ready to work on their presenting issues, they needed first to feel safe enough to risk trusting another person to help them look beneath the surface.

A FINAL MEMORY

About 20 years into my practice, I received a letter from a former patient whom I had seen when he was a teenager. He told me in his letter that he had seriously contemplated taking his own life at the time he was in my care. He had even gone as far as to obtain a gun. He had never shared that with me at the time, even though I had asked him directly about any suicidal thoughts or behavior. He went on to say that his relationship with me and his therapist had been vital in helping him choose to keep living. He subsequently went to college and was now working in the mental health field in another state. He wrote that he had wanted to encourage me by letting me know that I had made a difference for him and, he was certain, for others, in case I sometimes felt unsure. I still have his letter.

The thought that one never knows the effect you might have in each encounter has helped me through the ups and downs of 40 years of practice. It was also a wonderful life lesson.

As we all struggle to deal with COVID and the aftermath of the school violence in Oxford and elsewhere, we search for hope and the strength to carry on. As I look back on my practice, I realize that a subtle shift in thinking can often be the source of that hope. It must be tied to a valid reason to believe in ourselves, often borne of finding our hidden strengths and supports, which can lead to finding the courage to accept our problems and face our fears.

I have tried to be part of the village. I have tried to find the goodness in others and myself. And when all else fails, I think back to Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. It turns out we mostly have the ability to get ourselves back to Kansas. We may think we need a balloon ride with a wizard. But we often just need a connection with another person to find our own way back home.

Dr. Jeff London is a retired child psychiatrist from Farmington Hills.

ISRAEL IS FAST APPROACHING continued from page 4

The Iranians will be able to secretly move ahead with their nuclear program, which will bring them closer to nuclear breakout capability.

Israel has the ability to attack Iran and will soon have no other choice because the proverbial sword is almost at its neck. It appears that the critical moment is fast approaching. We cannot rely on American military intervention, which most likely will not come. When Israel has faced significant strategic threats in the past and taken the initiative, the Israel Defense Forces has emerged victorious.

The preparations currently underway are meant to improve the IDF’s attack capabilities and finalize a better plan of action. The IDF must receive a clear directive from the Israeli government, which defines the objective: devastating damage to Iran’s nuclear program; and the target date: fall of 2022. Despite the difficulties, it seems the time has come for the IDF to prepare a strike plan in conjunction with the country’s intelligence services.

At the same time, Israel must prepare for an Iranian response from its soil, and via Hezbollah as well. There is no reason for panic — talk of war with Iran is overblown. Israel has been fighting Iran for over two decades, and the IDF has the ability to continue coping with the Iranian threat and hitting Hezbollah hard. Beyond the operational preparations, Israel needs to prepare a diplomatic plan to legitimize a military strike and soften the international reaction.

Vice Adm. (ret.) Eliezer Marom

served as commander of the Israeli Navy from 2007–2011. This article first appeared in Israel Hayom.