OUR COMMUNITY
Advance Care Planning How to make a difficult conversation a little easier.
W
e look forward to having many life cycle conversations with our families … about the person we’ve fallen in love with, about what we might name the baby (G-d willing) or what our retirement plans might look like. But there is one life cycle conversation we do not look forward to having … the one about our wishes for care near the end of life. Lynn Breuer Despite the fact that this is a vital and straightforward conversation to have, most of us would be hard pressed to think of a more uncomfortable topic to bring up. And if we summon up the courage to talk about it, our children or partners may not be in a place to hear it. But I have sat with too many adult children, poring over power of attorney documents trying desperately to understand what their parents would have wanted at that moment to not push the issue. The Advance Care Planning process gives each of us the opportunity to have a voice in decisions made about our care should we ever be unable to speak for ourselves. This includes deciding what types of care we want and what types of interventions we do not want. It also invites us to think about more subtle issues such as whether or not we want family to gather, if we would like a pet therapy visit while in the hospital or if we would like a certain type of music
22
|
APRIL 7 • 2022
playing. Hopefully I’ve already covered the “why” it’s important to have this conversation and put it in writing. Now let’s turn to the Who, What, When and How. WHO An important part of the process is deciding who will carry out your wishes. In Michigan, this is called your patient advocate. Most likely choices include a spouse or partner, adult child or friend. Points to consider as you ponder your options include: • How does this person respond to stressful situations? • How often are you in contact with them as your wishes may change over time? • Will this person be able to carry out your wishes even if they don’t agree with them? WHAT You’ll need papers stating your clear wishes for end-of-life care. It can be confusing because these documents can be referred to as a Patient Advocate Designation, Health Care Power of Attorney, Health Care Proxy or Medical Power of Attorney, but regardless of the name, the content
Resources FOR HELP • https://fivewishes.org/ • https://theconversationproject.org/ • https://www.michbar.org/public_ resources/probate_pad
JFS ST. PAUL
and intent is the same. An attorney can draft them, or you can download a form to complete on your own. WHEN The best time to start the conversation is before a health crisis occurs, when everyone is thinking clearly and able to talk openly. Holiday gatherings ironically end up being the perfect time as families’ members are usually in the same place. April 16 is National Health Care Decision Day, which coincides with Passover this year. This might provide the perfect opportunity to start the conversation. HOW Many people start this conversation by referencing a plot line on a TV show or book where a main character passes away or struggles with illness or reference a related news event. Others suggest starting the conversation after processing through a loss saying something along the lines of “I’ve been thinking about how difficult it was to know how best to honor your Mom’s wishes last year and think we should talk about what we want.” WHERE Once completed and signed (because, in Michigan, a patient advocate must sign that they accept this responsibility), give copies of your documents to your physicians and hospital (where the information can be added into your medical record), and keep a copy at home in a safe place where family and your patient advocate can access it if needed. One final thought: Be as specific as you can with your wishes, and update the documents as needed. This is not a one-anddone conversation. For example, someone might draft that they do not want heroic measures taken if there is no chance of a good quality of life. What does “quality of life” mean to you? It might mean something very different at 55 then at 85, and the choices we make today may be very different from the choices we might make 10 years from now. Lynn Breuer, LMSW, CDP, is the Senior Director of Community Outreach & Wellness at Jewish Family Service, overseeing the health coaching and cognitive fitness programs. She is also adjunct faculty at Madonna University School of Social Work.
