Essays and viewpoints

PURELY COMMENTARY

for openers Of Pain And Suffering

Hamlet bemoaned suffering the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” Many of us, it would seem, could easily share his feelings as we note the references to bodily discomfort we make in our daily conversations. If you know of an incident where someone has done you wrong, you have experienced dealing with a back stabber. When hearing of bad news, you may respond, “Oh, my aching back.”

Admit it; you do feel good knowing that you are a “sight for sore eyes.” However, if you overstay a welcome, you may become a pain in the neck (or a bit lower down).

You never want your actions to reflect badly — giving you a black eye. It is truly a kick in the teeth to learn that someone in the family has become a royal pain. That might even put your nose out of joint.

No one likes to pay through the nose, but be careful not to put your foot in your mouth when complaining when those who are in control are within earshot. They may turn a deaf ear or give you a slap on the wrist.

Are you a practical joker? Then you may have to twist someone’s arm to go along with your gag until the one being fooled realizes that you are pulling his leg. Such antics are usually a result of

growing pains and not meant to really give someone a pain. Sy Manello Editorial Assistant Not invited to the latest open house given by your cousin’s brother’s latest girlfriend? Well, just take it on the chin; not all such omissions are deliberate slights. If all this talk of discomfort has left you weak in the knees, please know that I share your pain and will just limp along until my next brainstorm.

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Israel Retains High Favorability in U.S.

According to the February annual Gallup poll of country favorability, 71% of Americans accord Israel a “very favorable” and “mostly favorable” rating. This matches Israel’s average favorability since 2013, compared to 58% in 2002, 71% in 2012, 69% in 2019 and 75% in February 2021. Israel’s all-time high favorability was in February 1991 (79%) in the aftermath of the JanuaryFebruary Iraqi Scud missiles striking Tel Aviv.

Israel is ranked seventh among countries rated by Gallup, trailing Canada, Britain, France, Japan, Germany and India. However, none of these countries has been targeted — as has Israel — for daily criticism by the U.S. State Department (which fiercely opposed Israel’s establishment in 1948), the United Nations, the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, CNN, MSNBC and many of the political and social-science departments on North American campuses.

While Israel is considered favorably by 71% of Americans, the Palestinian Authority earned a meager 27% favorability rating, at the bottom of the favorability scale along with Cuba, 40%; Pakistan, 21%; China, 20% (an all-time low); Libya, 19%; Iraq, 16%; Iran, 13%; Afghanistan, 12%; Russia, 12%; and North Korea, 10%.

Furthermore, Israel has retained a high level of favorability among all three major U.S. political groups: 63% of (mostly moderate) Democrats, 71% of Independents and 81% of Republicans. At the same time, the Palestinian Authority received a 38% favorability rating among Democrats, 29% among Independents and 14%

among Republicans. The 2022 Gallup poll reflects the unique bottom-up phenomenon of the U.S. attitude Yoram toward Israel, which is largely Ettinger determined by the U.S. con-

JNS stituency’s traditional affinity toward the Jewish state, contrary to the top-down phenomenon of U.S. policy toward other foreign countries, which is generally determined by the White House and the State Department.

continued on page 10

essay

Israel and Me: Birthday Twins

My Israeli husband, Mickey, and I are on our way to Israel. We will be celebrating Yom Ha’Atzmaut, Israel’s 74th birthday in the “hatzar,” the yard, of the home where Mickey grew up and his family has lived continuously since 1934. Independence Day celebrations in Israel, in the yard, are a long-held tradition. It is a festive gathering for the extended family and friends. Israeli flags decorate the entrance gate, the home, and the yard. The barbecue continuously produces displays of a variety of delicious meats. Visitors bring salads and accompaniments from pitas to desserts.

The day is highlighted by stories, sing-alongs and even dancing. We excitedly board our plane anticipating the joyous day to be with Mickey’s family. Israel and I will both be celebrating birthday number 74.

I am a post-World War II baby. I, too, was born in the spring of 1948. Growing up in Detroit, my mother made sure our joint destiny of birth dates was a fact that I was keenly aware of with each passing year. We, Israel and I, were new, exciting entities hoped for by my mother: I, the gift from my father’s recovery from severe World War II wounds; Israel, the hoped-for Jewish state that arose from the ashes of the Holocaust.

My mother was a passionate, proud Zionistic Jew. Each year, she announced, “You and Israel are celebrating your 10th, 16th, 21st birthday (whichever one it happened to be). Little did she know then that our joint destinies would become more firmly tied.

When I graduated from college, free to go anywhere, I decided that this was the time to visit the mysterious place that shared my birthday. I signed up for an ulpan (Hebrew immersion program) in Israel on Kibbutz Mayan Tzvi. My college roommate, Debbie, prepared me for

my forthcoming adventure. She taught me important words in Hebrew: ice cream, bathroom, please and thank you. I have now visited Israel many times, yet the initial impressions of awe of actually seeing the land Beverly Kent Goldenberg and places that I learned about, heard about and studied can never be forgotten. The phrase “So, this is …?” repeatedly played in my mind. “So, this is a kibbutz?” “So, this is Jerusalem?” “So, this is the Western Wall?” Where Jesus walked? The blooming desert? The “Skadia” (almond tree) that we sang about on Tu

continued on page 12

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PURELY COMMENTARY

essay The Love in the Room

My Aunt Jeannette London Lowen passed away in 2019 after living more than 100 years. Now that I’ve had some time to reflect on her life, this seems like a good time to write about her legacy. Aunt Jeannette (let’s call her AJ) led a most interesting and colorful life. I could write a book about her life and only scratch the surface. She was certainly a survivor of many of life’s challenges. But the time that had the most impact on me, my wife and my siblings, somewhat surprisingly, was the last few years of her life, especially the last three years, after she went into assisted living.

Prior to that time, AJ had lived independently in Florida for almost 50 years after retiring from her job as a social worker in Berkley schools. But inevitably, as happens to all of us, her health began to fail, and she could no longer care for herself.

And that’s where this story begins.

I need to give you some backstory first. My aunt, who was born to immigrant parents in 1918, was always a unique person She had strong Jewish roots, yet led a mostly secular life. She went to college, unlike most Jewish women of her generation. She had her own unique sense of style, including bright vibrant colors to match her personality. She helped out in the family delicatessen, but was clearly more interested in intellectual pursuits. She felt a strong Jewish identity, but her Jewishness was more culturally based.

She was married four times (twice to the same man). Her parenting style always seemed a bit haphazard. My siblings and I always looked at AJ, her son and daughter with mixed feelings of uncertainty, fascination and some envy.

AJ had moved to Florida with Les, her third (and fourth) husband. They lived in a senior complex, and became very involved with various classes and discussion groups. AJ published many philosophical articles for journals of free thought and even authored a few books, including one titled Imagine, related to the message of the popular song by John Lennon.

Her husband, Les, passed away a few years after their second marriage, leaving AJ to fend for herself. She developed a pattern of going in the late morning most days to her favorite diner and sitting for a few hours, researching and writing her articles and books.

Jeff London Contributing Writer

She increasingly relied on the help of her daughter Kathy, who was by then a nurse living in New York City. More than ever, Kathy became her mother’s lifeline and primary support. AJ also would visit Kathy in NYC many summers, taking in the culture (especially opera) and vibrancy of a city that she loved. Wherever she went, my aunt would fend for herself and had a knack of finding people to help take care of her, especially as she aged, even in the hustle of Manhattan.

And then, abruptly, when my aunt was 85, her beloved 55-yearold daughter Kathy suddenly became ill with pneumonia and died.

Jeff’s Aunt Jeanette London Lowen, of blessed memory.

RESPONSE TO DEATH

We all assumed that Kathy’s death would hasten the death of our aunt. But that’s not what happened. Don’t get me wrong — she was overwhelmed by the loss of her daughter. But instead of giving up on life, AJ somehow found a way to maintain the connection to Kathy by writing to her and talking with her on a daily basis.

My aunt also rededicated herself to examining her own life and times in her writing. And she soon reached out to my sister, my brother and me, helping us to define specific ways to become more involved in her life.

We had interacted with AJ periodically, but after Kathy’s untimely death, my wife and I began to plan visits to Florida each winter to see her. My sister, brother and their spouses, began to join us when they could. We also began having more frequent phone contact with AJ. The results were surprising and even life-affirming.

We didn’t come up with a new plan right away after our cousin’s death. To be honest, we all worried a bit about being drawn into feeling overly responsible for my AJ. But, with our aunt’s help, we realized that we were needed, and my sister and I agreed to keep in touch with her much more frequently.

I found our phone calls mysteriously rejuvenating rather than depleting. We would catch up on each other’s news, but we also talked about world events, and I was amazed at my aunt’s unique way of seeing life through her 90 plus years. She was thrilled about Barack Obama’s election and what it said about our country.

We discussed conversations she recalled from many years ago. She recalled things I and others had said (that I usually didn’t remember saying) that had stuck with her and helped her get through tough times. She always had a way of helping me feel appreciated and of teaching me about

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student corner

Understanding Jewish Philanthropy

This year, I was fortunate to be included in a very rewarding Jewish program. As part of the Morris J. & Betty Kaplun Foundation Youth Board, I recently presented $5,000 in grant money to two incredible nonprofits. The board, composed of passionate students from around the country, spent several months learning the grant-making process and eventually applied that knowledge to fund some amazing organizations.

First, we learned about consensus; we often broke into smaller groups, in which we could each share our own perspectives and opinions, then reconvened to report our findings and make decisions together. Using consensus, the board chose two main Jewish values to help us determine which organizations to fund: justice (tzedek) and lovingkindness (gemilut chasadim).

Next, we began the grant-making process by writing our mission statement: “Guided by the Jewish values of lovingkindness and justice, the 2021-22 Morris J. & Betty Kaplun Foundation Youth Board seeks to support organizations that promote education and literacy for youth. The board’s goal is to help young people from any background connect to and learn about community-based social justice needs, and gain access to resources and opportunities to promote career development.”

We then sent out our RFP (Request for Proposal). When we received proposals, we split into groups to study and create presentations on each application.

The next step in our process was, in my opinion, the most gratifying: site visits. Over the course of a week, we joined various virtual calls and connected with the people behind the proposals. Diving deeper than our initial research, we got up close and personal with our applicants,

asking questions and getting to hear more about these projects from the most enthusiastic, driven people. The most exciting part of this experience, however, was getting to lead these meetings ourselves. During meetings, the board members asked all the questions and directed the interview. For teenagers to have Samantha the opportunity to not only Camiker meet with prominent figures in nationwide organizations but also to lead those meetings was truly exceptional.

CHOOSING CHARITIES

Finally, the board decided on two nonprofits to fund: the Olga Lengyel Institute for Holocaust Studies and Human Rights (TOLI), which works through seminars to educate teachers on Holocaust education, spreading awareness to teachers’ students, schools, and communities; and C.B. Community Schools, which provides classes on school subjects and life skills to vulnerable students in the child welfare or juvenile justice system.

Both of these organizations are truly outstanding, and I am so grateful that the Kaplun Foundation provided our board with the resources necessary to connect with and support these projects.

This program as a whole was just about the most meaningful and impactful journey I’ve ever experienced. Not only did we learn such crucial skills as conducting research, creating proposals, directing meetings and making difficult decisions, but we all got to partake in real philanthropy with the most compassionate people.

Our journey to granting this money was such an exciting and educational process and one that I will never forget, and I am so looking forward to taking this experience with me and continuing this rewarding path of Jewish philanthropy.

Samantha Caminker is a sophomore at Frankel Jewish Academy.

ISRAEL RETAINS HIGH FAVORABILITY continued from page 4

The poll also demonstrates the wide gap between most Americans (who are largely supportive of Israel) and the “elite” media (which is systematically critical of Israel).

Israel’s 71% favorability rating attests to the fact that most Americans realize the inaccuracy and immorality of the State Department’s claim of moral equivalence between Israel and the Palestinians. They identify Israel as a reliable, democratic and productive ally, and view the P.A. as a member of the rogue entities of the world, associated with terrorism, in general, and enemies and rivals of the United States, in particular.

Irrespective of the New York Times’ attitude toward Israel, most Americans empathize with Israel culturally, historically, ideologically and strategically. They identify the Jewish state with key precepts that have shaped American culture, civic and judicial systems since the Early Pilgrims and the Founding Fathers, such as faith, the Mosaic legacy, civil liberties, patriotism, optimism, defiance of odds and a can-do mentality.

Moreover, they consider Israel a unique force and dollar multiplier for the U.S. economy and defense in the face of mutual threats (e.g., Iran’s Shi’ite ayatollahs, Sunni Islamic terrorism) and in the pursuit of a U.S. commercial and military technological edge over China, Russia and Europe.

Israel’s 71% favorability demonstrates that most Americans subscribe to the following assessment made by Adm. James Stavridis, former Supreme Commander of NATO: “Our best military partner in the region, by far, is Israel. … It truly is a case of two nations that are unarguably stronger together.”

Yoram Ettinger is a former ambassador and head of Second Thought: A U.S.-Israel Initiative. This article was first published by The Ettinger Report.

PURELY COMMENTARY

ISRAEL — MY BIRTHDAY TWIN continued from page 6

b’Shevat? Seeing Israel itself with my own eyes, I attempted to bring my experiences and visions into sync with my imagined images.

I also discovered something new, as well: the Chagall Windows at Hadassah Hospital Ein Kerem in Jerusalem. On a tour of this amazing world-class research hospital, I was smitten. I fell in love with the windows. I had no idea then that Hadassah, the Women’s Zionist Organization of America, which supports this hospital, would become part of my life and that I would bring items for the hospital on my visits, and become a life member. On subsequent visits to Jerusalem, I always insisted upon driving to Hadassah Hospital Ein Kerem to see my beloved windows.

MEETING MY SABRA

Upon my return home, despite my scoffing at my mother’s suggestions, I did go to the Jewish Community Center, where she said I would meet a nice Jewish boy. Oh, those mothers are always right! However, the nice Jewish boy was not a young American professional lawyer or doctor as my parents had expected. In 1976, at the Israel Independence Day celebration at the JCC, I met Mickey, an Israeli sabra (a native Israeli, as they are called, because, like the sweet cactus fruit, they are prickly on the outside, but sweet on the inside).

In 1978, I married Mickey, adding another dimension to my ties to Israel. My connection to the land and people of Israel expanded as we became a bicultural, bilingual family, and me, a part of Mickey’s loving, supportive, extended family.

My birthday twin and I have a lifetime of experiences to reflect upon; the joyous and the sad. We have marked celebrations together, raised families, progressed technologically. We have both lost friends and loved ones along the way. Dor l’dor, now, my own children, Etai, a urologist, and Oren, a filmmaker, and our grandchildren, Leo, Ami, Estee and Elie, have their own ties and intimate connections to their father’s homeland, their Jewish homeland, my mother’s passion.

On Yom HaZikaron (Remembrance/Memorial Day), the day before Israel’s Independence Day, we will honor those who lost their lives, so that we, Israel and the Jewish people, could be safe, protected and free. We will stand in silent tribute, stopping all activity when the sirens blast for a moment of silence. As the day closes, Yom Ha’Atzmaut, (Independence Day) Israel’s birthday, will begin.

Together with Am Yisrael, I will sing, dance and celebrate the anniversary of meeting my husband and both of our birthdays. As the Israeli national anthem, “Hatikvah” (the Hope) proclaims, Israel and I will rejoice together as “free people, in our Jewish homeland.”

L’chaim to both of us!

Mickey Goldenberg and Beverly Kent Goldenberg

Beverly Kent Goldenberg of Huntington Woods has been a life member of Hadassah since 1968. She is a member of the Eleanor Roosevelt Chapter, Hadassah Greater Detroit. A social worker by profession, she earned bachelor’s and master’s degrees from the University of Michigan. Beverly worked at Jewish Family Service and Hillel Day School of Metro Detroit for over 30 years, creating social skills programs for children that were modeled statewide.

THE LOVE IN THE ROOM continued from page 8

“finding the love in a room.” After about 20 minutes, she would say “I’ll let you go.” I almost always felt surprisingly energized by these interactions.

A PILGRAMAGE

With my aunt’s failing health, the logistics for our visits became more challenging, but seemed even more important. Our visits felt like a pilgrimage to our aunt. We would have long conversations about life and people.

Often, my brother or I would bring a guitar and we’d sing together as a family. After she moved into assisted living, we interacted with my aunt’s Jamaican caretakers. We watched with amazement at how much love they showed my aunt and how much she knew about each of their personal lives. She knew how to engender a loving community around her, and these special people responded in kind to my aunt’s curiosity and caring about them.

Even though her vision and hearing were gradually failing, she never gave in to despair. She just seemed to persevere. And she talked about the continued value of her written and verbal communication with her departed daughter.

My siblings, spouses and I always felt emotionally replenished by spending time with my aunt. AJ’s way of looking at life served as an enduring legacy. She helped us to be and to feel useful to her. And we always left feeling uplifted.

On her 100th birthday, her assisted living facility held a special celebration for my aunt, coordinated with our yearly visit. My brother and I each wrote a song for her, and there was a party outside which included her caretakers and fellow residents. It truly felt like a celebration of her life and her way of connecting with people.

Inevitably, my aunt’s health continued a downward slide. At the end, her grandchildren came down to bury her in the Florida Jewish cemetery she had chosen to rest in peace. My siblings and I did not attend the funeral. We felt we had said what we needed to say while she was alive.

Instead, we headed down to Florida for our yearly visit a few months later. We made a stop at her assisted living home, and we expressed our thanks in various ways to those who had cared for our aunt so lovingly. We decided that AJ would have been okay with that.

My aunt taught us many things. If you are caring and curious about the people who surround you, they are more likely to care about you. Help people to know what you need and what you can do for yourself. Death does not end a relationship.

One of the challenges of aging is to continue to find purpose in your life. And maybe the most important message is: If you look for it, you can almost always find “the love in the room.”