Our Stimulus Package
Get ready to laugh and have an incredible time as you read outrageous, humorous, sexy and heartfelt stories guaranteed to help you get through a few hours of this miserable economic climate.
by julia Silva & kirsten Becker
Table Of Contents About Our Stimulus Package..................................... 1 Book Information......................................................... 2 About the Authors....................................................... 3 Press Release............................................................... 4 Frequently Asked Questions....................................... 6 Sample Chapter – The Elephant Man...................... 7
About Our Stimulus Package by julia Silva & kirsten Becker Our Stimulus Package is an incredible, funny, heartfelt anthology of bad dates, ironic and humorous stories as told to two amazing women by their various friends. Julia Silva and Kirsten Becker took their job losses in this miserable economic climate and turned it into their own “stimulus package” by becoming authors. They assembled this entertaining, warm, funny book about their lives, loves and family, and combined it with a series of off-the-wall, racy, provocative dating stories to create one heck of a “stimulating” book. The cast of characters, the humorous nicknames (think Hornyland among others), the outlandish, sexy, funny dating stories, and the heart and soul of the book — Julia and Kirsten — will draw in readers to enjoy what can only be described as a “wild and amusing” ride. When you hear the word “Bobble Heading,” you will never forget Our Stimulus Package or the insatiable laughter and senses of humor of Wonder Woman (aka, Julia) and Cat Woman (aka, Kirsten). US $14.95 | Canada $15.95
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Book Information by julia Silva & kirsten Becker Category: Women’s Interest/Entertainment Authors: Kirsten Becker/Julia Silva Publisher: 3L Publishing, Sacramento, California Phone: 916.300.8012 Fax: 916.726.2983 Email: info@3lpublishing.com ISBN-13: 9780615374062 Pages: 264 Release Date: June 2010 Binding: Soft Cover Bar Coded: Yes Retail Price: $14.95 US/$15.95 Canada
Kirsten Becker a nd Julia Silva 2
About the Authors by julia Silva & kirsten Becker Kirsten Becker and Julia Silva are incredibly successful business women in commercial real estate. Julia’s professional past includes developing over 1.5 million square feet of industrial buildings and office buildings for companies like JP Morgan Chase, Carrier and Sears Logistical Services. Kirsten’s background includes many complicated assemblages of commercial, mixed-use developments in targeted, redevelopment areas combining for over $30 million dollars in land sales. This economy had put a dent in their professional and personal lives, and they knew they had an idea that could change their future. These two dynamic women joined forces to change their industry focus and wrote the book Our Stimulus Package to entertain with modern-day dating stories in a truly unforgettable way.
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Press Release FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE, June 1, 2010 Contact: Michele Smith Mobile: 916.230.8569 Email: Michele@mcommunicationsinc.com
Move over Sex in the City and meet Samantha’s naughty friends Our Stimulus Package is guaranteed to entertain you with sexually charming modern-day dating stories and make you laugh in spite of this miserable economy June 1, 2010, Tampa, FLA.— What exactly is today’s current dating climate? Kirsten Becker and Julia Silva, authors of the new book Our Stimulus Package lay it all on the table with outrageous, modern-day dating stories that make Sex in the City look like a Walt Disney movie. The heart of the book, however, speaks to today’s female and new attitudes toward dating. These women and those who contributed their authentic stories are not afraid to say exactly what they think and boldly do what they want during dates. Their friends overly understand the concept
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of casual dating, leaving readers with jawdropping stories throughout Our Stimulus Package. The book is filled with sexy dating stories featuring today’s dating scene, and the bold new role of woman in dating where woman can read men like open books and yes, they do talk about it with their girlfriends; and this is where Our Stimulus Package comes to fruition. “This book was literally Our Stimulus Package,” says Silva. “Kirsten and I were feeling the fallout of the commercial real
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estate industry and we wrote Our Stimulus Package to make other women laugh and get through challenges in the current economy”.
These savvy authors captured the best-ofthe-best stories which will make readers laugh throughout the course of the sexually charged book.
Our Stimulus Package was written by successful commercial real estate professionals Kirsten Becker and Julia Silva, who met while working in the real estate industry where they were forced unwillingly to share an office. The two woman decided they were either going to not be able to stand each other or become best friends. Not only did the two become best friends, they each shared the same experiences through divorce, custody battles and then the challenges with the real estate market crash. The later inseparable woman teased the idea of Our Stimulus Package with friends and the outrageous dating stories starting pouring in and they couldn’t believe what they were hearing. Did these things actually happen on dates? Did the gentleman in the “Manties” story really buy lingerie for him and not his date? Did one of their friends date a New York socialite who really wanted her to pet the fur remains of his dead cat halfway through dinner?
“The pre-sales and reaction to Our Stimulus Package has been staggering,” says Becker. “We are delighted that we were making people laugh — that was the point: however, when we received an email about the pre-sales coming in while still in production we were ecstatic.” Our Stimulus Package is available for $14.95 at 3L Publishing (www.3LPublishing.com) and Amazon (www.amazon.com) or the Our Stimulus Package website (www.ourstimuluspackage.com). It will be distributed to major bookstores nationwide in Fall 2010. The first launch party will be held at the Tampa Museum of Art on June 23rd, from 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. Please RSVP to www.ourstimuluspackage.com by 06/18/2010, space is limited.
Frequently Asked Questions Q. What is Our Stimulus Package?
be your grandma’s workshop. Please visit the
A. Our Stimulus Package is a sexually charming
website: http://www.ourstimuluspackage.com
collection of sidesplitting dating stories from all over the country and guarantees to entertain and provide insight into the dating world that today’s modern woman plays in.
Package? A. Our Stimulus Package is available for purchase at: www.ourstimuluspackage.com,
Q. Who is this book geared toward?
Amazon and 3Lpublishing.com. The book will
A. Woman of all ages and men that want to
be available at national bookstores and retail
figure them out.
chains in the Fall of 2010.
Q. Why did the authors write Our Stimulus
Q. Where can I find Julia & Kirsten?
Package?
A. Visit www.ourstimuluspackage.com for
A. Julia and Kirsten shared many similar life
upcoming speaking engagements, signing
challenges including the current economy
events and their blog. They are also on
and the book is literally “their” way of creating
Facebook and Twitter and a number of other
their own stimulus package.
social media networks.
Q. Are the authors available for speaking
Q. How much does the book cost?
engagements and workshops?
A. The book is available in the United States for
A. Yes, they will bring a new dimension to the
$14.95 and $15.95 in Canada.
idea of a speaking engagement. This won’t
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Q. Where can I purchase Our Stimulus
The Elephant Man This story was taken right from the storyteller. We sat down with our laptop as the story was told to us at Starbucks, and we typed as she spoke. Here she is … We all know how this story starts. We have all gone out in pairs — and you and your best friend get to the bar with the intent of meeting another stunning pair of gentlemen to compliment how beautiful you think you both look. However, as you approach the bar your intent to find the “perfect” complimenting pair of guys quickly changes when the pair you look at has only one good-looking person. If the next thought is: “OK, I get the hot guy,” and then my friend knows that it is “cock-blocking” time. This becomes a tough situation for a good “wing man or wing girl.” You need a reliable wing girl who knows the drill. My poor best friend or wing girl had no interest in the unattractive guy who we referred to as “hair-piece man.” It was critical, however, that she conduct a conversation with hairpiece man just to set up a cock
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block. For readers who don’t understand the term “cock block” this is an important thing to explain. You see the cock block can be administered in a gender-neutral manner and must be taken into serious consideration in certain scenarios. It is for those reasons that you should run with a loyal wing girl or wing guy. The cock block was applied in this scenario so that hairpiece man would be entertained enough so that he wouldn’t ask his hot friend (who I was interested in) to leave. It is important to note: If your wing girl isn’t loyal then she may not “take one for the team.” A cock block does not have to involve sexual favors — especially with the hairpiece subject; but she has to provide just enough entertainment to keep him or her busy so that you can get to know the hot guy. None of this has to be considered, of course, if you and your wing girl find two attractive guys. Back to the story … the night progressed nicely, we ended up going to a different bar, and soon my wing girl was cock blocking enough that I really did get to talk to my “hottie.” He claimed to
be a medical professional who was on call. So the night ended abruptly when he received a page, and he said he must get to the hospital quickly. He apparently liked me enough to ask me to walk him to his car. While leaving Whiskey Park, he tells me that he would love to see me again. While we are walking, phone numbers are politely exchanged on our respective cell phones. Clearly for me, the objective of the car walk was to test drive his tongue and see if I would truly consider a follow-up date. Shockingly, as we approached a sea of cars I assumed the Mercedes to my right was his so I begin to presumptuously walk toward it. He gently tugs me in the direction of a white Ford Escape. All I could think of was how horribly disappointed I was. Come on — a Ford Escape? A grown man in a Ford Escape? A medical professional in a Ford Escape? Ladies, please qualify the definition of a medical professional the next time you hear the term. Thoughts are racing through my mind like perhaps he embellished his role at the hospital. Maybe he is the guy who plugs in the medical equipment at the hospital; but could he seriously consider himself a medical professional? Could the janitor that cleans up after the doctors at the hospital define himself as a medical professional? He confesses to me that he was an anesthesiologist and a very conservative one at that — so I suppose this was acceptable. I must share with
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you that the kissing session at the Ford Escape was pretty hot … worthy enough to consider a follow-up date in spite of the choice of wheels. Don’t worry about my wing girl she quickly dumped hairpiece man — and by the time I arrived back at the dance club two new handsome men were already on deck ready to meet us. My wing girl isn’t just loyal she is very productive. I might recommend that it is helpful to search for the productive trait when choosing your wing girl. When I arrived at the bar, I tell my wing girl about the Ford Escape situation — and we began laughing so loud. We both conclude that my “hospital boy” was hot enough, in spite of his vehicle choice, to warrant a future date. My wing girl and I enjoyed the rest of the evening; but the texting between “hospital boy” and I began almost immediately. During subsequent phone conversations, he suggested that I come over to watch a football game at his house the following Sunday. He told me he would be on call that weekend so a traditional date would be harder to accommodate. I truly hesitated to confirm that this was OK because I didn’t think it was an appropriate first date location. He convinced me, however, that the location of our first date was simply due to logistics because he lives near the hospital. Further, he made the claim that he made a mean chili. So with serious thought given to the proposed first date location I was sold on
the idea! After all, he was handsome, I love chili — and I love football even more. Before I know it, Sunday arrived and I was pretty excited about seeing him again. I wore a cute, slightly snug top that indicated the preference of my favorite NFL team. The top was a pretty conservative choice that conveniently showcased my figure while not going overboard. Of course, the outfit wouldn’t be complete without my favorite pair of first date shoes and a nice comfy pair of “Seven” jeans. Goodness … if those shoes could talk! I arrive at his residence just as the kickoff was taking place. I must say he was quite the gentleman to begin with. First things first … he provides a grand tour. It was a lovely townhome overlooking our beautiful bay with a view of downtown. I might also add that it was nicely decorated. Decorated nicely enough to where you actually question what team he plays on. It didn’t take long for me to figure that out. Back to the tour: Two stories, nice pictures, elegant paintings and decent furniture. I really thought he was a great guy when we looked at his bedroom, and he made no inappropriate remarks that would make me feel uncomfortable. I felt like he was a perfect gentlemen, and I began to feel more comfortable about the agreed-upon location of our first date. I suddenly got the aroma I was hoping for and the house smelled like chili so I knew he kept the
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other end of the bargain. So again, this made me feel more comfortable. He invited me to sit down to watch the game on his leather sectional that faced his flat-screen TV and coincidently overlooked the bay in a very romantic way. As soon as my back hit the back of the couch I really felt like I could finally relax. After all, he is a medical professional who seemed very respectable. He made me chili. Doesn’t that deserve some trust on my behalf? As I tried to get a clear view of the game — and I was surprised to see his face was in front of mine followed by his body being forcefully thrown on top of mine. Without much maneuvering ability he jabbed his tongue in my face and I didn’t enjoy it. It wasn’t exactly a sexy kiss. This time he seemed so aggressive his tongue felt like a very forceful thrusting piece of sandpaper. Additionally, his large body crushed me, and I felt a little helpless and overwhelmed with his aggressive actions. Did I mention that this guy was probably 6’ 5”? I managed to push him off of me and very angrily told him to stop. I reminded him that the idea of coming to his place was purely logistical — and I had made it very clear in advance (or I thought I made it clear in advance) that I had no intention of having sex with him. I also reminded him that I really wanted to watch the football game and try his chili. I thought that by giving him the task of getting the chili that would keep him busy for a while.
Not likely. Soon after delivering what I thought was a very effective “stop-raping-my-face” speech, he quickly leaped back into action. I was confronted with the uncomfortable scenario of being face raped again, but this time it was coupled with a forceful dry hump. I consider myself a tall girl but this guy reminded me of a gorilla with an aggressive sexual appetite and ferocious tongue. Once again, I managed to push him off of me. I must admit that I was very aggravated and angry with his disrespectful behavior. I stood up and proceeded to give the second version of my “stop-raping-my-face” speech. My mind was racing, and all I could think about was that I was ready to leave immediately. So I began walking, almost running, toward the door. I am sure he realized just how angry I was. He politely begged me to stay and further promised to behave himself. He then delivers the convincing “you are so beautiful I couldn’t resist myself speech.” He was quite a sales man, and I must admit that the delivery of his speech, good looks and charm won him one more chance. Besides, I was hungry and I really wanted to watch the game. So I sat down and waited for the meal to be served. I was very nervous and ready to kick his butt if he tried something again. He did show up, however, true to his promise, with a lovely bowl of chili with a side of crackers and lunch was served. He managed to juggle utensils
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my way and placed a nice linen napkin on my lap. “AAAHHHHH,” I thought I could now relax, watch the game, and enjoy the feast. I tried to drum up some conversation regarding the game’s progress and discuss our football team’s receiving core. We actually began to discuss things we had in common with football and that coupled with the chili made me feel a little more comfortable. I thought it was appropriate to commend him on his cooking efforts, and I did so. No sooner did the compliment roll off my tongue then his tongue was in my mouth again not letting me finish the intended compliment. Here we go again … sharp, jabbing, thrusting, tongue raping … taking place yet once again. This time with chili all over my lap. What I was going through was bad enough; however, this version of his face rape may have been chock full of beans. The chili was barely down my esophagus when I needed to find my strength once more to push this animal off of me. I manage to get free and stood up quickly. It took me a moment to catch my breath and subsequently swallow the chili. I might make mention that the chili wasn’t too bad! “I’m done,” I thought to myself, “I’m going home.” At this point, I know that it is critical that I get my purse and leave. My favorite Kenneth Cole purse was just in the other room, but it felt like an eternity before I could reach it. Did you
ever have that dream where you are running but the scenery isn’t moving — yet you are? I felt like someone was moving the purse farther away from me as I got closer to it. Then finally I grab my purse and turn around quickly to say goodbye. Suddenly, without any warning to my horror — my mouth and jaw were completely open. I could not believe what I was faced with. I could hardly get the words out of my mouth to say, “I really have to go now!” My brain froze and my eyes were locked on what had to be the biggest cock any man could ever possibly have in the world. It occurred to me as I stood there that it was easy for him to slip his pants down to his kneecaps due to the fact he was wearing his hospital scrubs. I didn’t know whether to stare at it or feed it a peanut. Surely, I had seen this apparatus at Barnum & Bailey’s Circus at some point in my life. I never really enjoyed the smell of the elephant shows at the circus as a kid, and now I had more reason to hate it. Let me remind you that this man was “on call” at the hospital, and that is why he was wearing his green scrubs. With lightening speed I ran toward the door. If you didn’t think I was a little scared before then let me tell you that I was horrified now! I couldn’t wait to get to my vehicle and call my wing girl to share this event. I was literally laughing out loud as I ran toward the parking garage. When I hear another set of feet closing in on me fast. It was him chasing me now calling my name.
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Bruce Jenner would be proud of my speed, and before I knew it I was in my car. Panting from the run, sweating from the hot Florida sun, laughing out loud still, he approaches my car. I was afraid to open the window so I could only gesture to him that I was OK, and I wouldn’t tell anyone what had happened (with no idea at the time that I would share this story with my friend who wrote this book). As I pulled away, he was running in conjunction with my car window and hopeful I would stop and talk to him. I couldn’t drive my car out of there fast enough. Of course, I was worried that as I pulled away I would accidently get his elephant trunk entwined in my tire, which would prolong my visit even longer. As soon as he was out of my site, I picked up the phone to call my “wing girl.” My adrenaline rushing, my laughter so uncontrollable, I tried to tell her the story. This is the day that “The Elephant Man” became famous in our circle of friends. The story, like his cock, grew a life of its own. As we were writing this story at one of our local Starbucks, a young lady, who must have overheard our laughter and story, looks over at us and says, ”Never, ever trust any man who wears hospital scrubs — it means he is unavailable.” We wondered as we looked at her small frame if she herself had encountered “The Elephant Man?”