Gina Girl Talkwith NEELY

BY DEBORAH FRANKLIN

In celebration of Women’s History Month (March 2023), and in celebration of just being able to show how we can be survivors no matter what we go through, no matter what is happening around us, or how the world sees us, I had the awesome opportunity to chat with someone who I have admired from afar for a long time. Whether I was watching her on the Food Network or trying out the recipes from her cookbook – trust me, you couldn’t tell me I wasn’t her cousin with the hook-up with the family favorite dishes. I hope you enjoy my chat with none other than Ms. Gina Neely.

Deborah Franklin

I just have to tell you one thing that used to make the show for me is what you would say about the crushed red pepper flakes -- you got to get a little kick in it. That was my thing right there, I would wait for that, well I used to wait for it. That was then but now you are doing something new.

Gina Neely

I was really blessed to start a job in my hometown. It’s Bluff City Life with Gina Neely, it is a lifestyle show. We talk about everything that’s good in the city. We highlight businesses, we highlight nonprofits. Anything that’s positive and forward-thinking. That could be from design, interior, furniture, whatever. Anything you create, anything that you want to share with the audience to get your name out. So, I feel like I’m operating as a conduit of bringing fresh ideas and information to people. I still feel like I’m at my calling, if you will. I still feel like I’m in that same lane, but I’m not cooking. I do have chefs that come on, and we talk about it; it’s really so sweet to see how I touched them and admired them. he good part about it is I’m home. My mom is 85, so I can be here. I’m not traveling as much because I’m a new GiGi, and if my daughter needs me, I’m here. So, I’ve been blessed. And oftentimes, it’s rare that you can kind of land in a space where you can still live your best life but not at the hectic or the pace, and it works perfectly for me. It is the right pace, the right time. I feel like I’m sitting in the right seat.

Deborah Franklin

What advice would you give somebody that’s got the career, not necessarily even in TV, even in the limelight, they were doing well and then, all of a sudden, something happens; they had to transition, and they had to reinvent themselves. What advice would you give them?

Gina Neely

Actually when you talk about that reinvention… because oftentimes, we just came out of a pandemic where a lot of people had to do a pivot or shift, if you will. It’s important that we don’t feel so compelled to be doing something right away. If you’re coming from a big life… because I came from a really, really big life… and I realized the sacrifices that came along with that. But at this season in my life, I don’t want to be running hectically like that, I wanted something a little slower paced, but that I really still enjoy. So, I would just always say, “Think about what you want to do, don’t be so hasty and move too fast. Know your price, know the time that you want to spend doing it, but also, try to remain true.” But the most important piece to that is that you have to keep moving, no matter what you feel, because that little inside voice talks to us all the time, so it’s important that you stay in the lane of hearing that inner voice and just being still. And being comfortable being still with that and let God just move in you, all through you. Let Him talk to you, just sit with it. And I’m telling you, if you sit with it, and you ask God, and you be intentional about what you need, and you pray big, God will make it happen big.

Deborah Franklin

I’m all about the prayer of intentionality because so many times people say, “I pray all the time,” but what are you praying for, baby? That’s why you aren’t seeing anything happening because you’re not being specific.

Gina Neely

You’re not being specific, and you might not be thinking big enough.

Deborah Franklin

And I think that might be the biggest thing right there, no pun intended, is that we might not be thinking big enough because a lot of times, we don’t think so big because we don’t expect it to happen.

Gina Neely

Then we’re trying to survive, we’re in survival mode. We need to get something happening, we need to get something moving. But even in that, there’s a reason why you’re in that space. Sometimes God has to slow us down to get our attention. And I tell people all the time, I wouldn’t have not even imagined my life would have been like it has been. I went through a very big life, and then I made the choice to walk away because I knew that, in my heart of hearts, it just wasn’t going to heal. And I couldn’t do it by myself, and it has to be two willing participants, and I can’t save a soul in that regard. You got to want to have the soul be saved, you got to give it to me a little bit and we can work on it together.

But I’m just telling you, oftentimes we go through life just trying to appear to be happy, appear to be content. We get caught up in what we’re supposed to look like as opposed to how we feel, and what’s really happening. We want to paint the picture. And that’s what social media has done because they create a narrative for you, and that’s not even your story. But you try to rock with it because it’s what it created for you, but you have to have the courage to stop that train yourself and say, “Listen, this is not what I want to continue to do. This is not working for me. I’m not happy, I’m not healing, I’m not at my best state.” So why would you stay?

As Christian women, as business owners, do you think we stay in friendships or relationships longer than what we should when the writing is on the wall? Do you think we stay there too long because of our titles, because of our expectations of being this woman in leadership?

I definitely think we stay too long. And we can stay too long in a lot of our relationships, but specifically, in a marriage, especially if the couple is working together, so we have to think about tearing things up. We think about the family, we think about the kids, but we don’t look at the situation. And if you can go in and talk about it, and you have a spouse that is open to a conversation, open to do the work, because you got to do the work, you can’t just talk about the work, you got to do the work. But it comes down to us just not wanting to start over. The age I am, “Oh Lord, I put in so much time so I might as well stay.” You can’t imagine but people tell me all the time, “You were married for 24 years. At that point, that’s most of your life.” And I said, “But I got some more life to live. It’s not my whole life, and I’m going to get the rest of my life.”

That was really hard to hear and receive was that women sort of attacked me for trying to get my happiness. And now we’re all about selfcare and living our best life, but I was trying to do that back then before it was popular, but I was chastised for it. I really have to make sure I stand strong on my faith. I ask God how to move, if this is for me. That’s why it took so long for me to leave because I was in turmoil with myself about my decision. And when I’m in turmoil, I needed to be still. So, I stayed longer because I was trying to be still to listen to God and let my steps be ordered. But once I got word, and once God spoke it to me in my heart, I had the shift.

Deborah Franklin

Sometimes, we are afraid of the shift.

Gina Neely

And let’s be clear, the shift isn’t easy. I don’t want to minimize like I just made this decision overnight. It was a long-standing tussle within my spirit. I’m smiling and working but in my spirit, it was a tussle and I just got tired of tussling with it, and I had to bring some order to it.

Deborah Franklin

I want to ask you this because you talk about staying so long, you talk about how you had to transition. But I also want to talk about what we all deal with as women: The weight gain, the change in the lifestyle because you actually talk about how you even made a lifestyle change in how you’re eating. How did you do that? So, what are some tips that you would give to somebody that needs to do that lifestyle change?

Gina Neely

Well, let me tell you, I have an older lady because I’m very big on my older ladies. Like, I go to my mom’s. I’m that girl who believes in learning to listen from my elders. I don’t read a lot in that regard, I like to talk and get the wisdom right in my face. But I remember this church member of mine told me, she said, “You make a big change in your life, you have to get your body up to be able to handle the battle, to be able to take those hits.” And that’s really why I started working out. And then, it just so happened, I had the opportunity to work with the George Foreman campaign for weight loss. And I was just like, “Well, look at God.” He presented this opportunity to me that just included me. I started eating right, and I had a blog about what I ate, how I exercised, and the water I drink. Got my mind together, and I went into therapy. It wasn’t just outside makeup, it was an inside makeup as well, which you can’t really see.

I think oftentimes, we just don’t look at our elders as for that wisdom and that gift. And that’s what food does. That’s how I heard my best stories in the kitchen on my great, great grandmother’s knee, and I watched her throwing her seasonings in and cooking, and she’ll tell you, “You smell that, taste a little bit.” That’s how I learned to have a love for food. That’s how I showed love

Deborah Franklin

Yes, and those are some things we just can hold on to and just savor in it. And one thing, I got to ask you this too. Are pigs still your favorite item?

Gina Neely

No, I haven’t eaten pork in ages. Once I changed, I changed my life. I don’t even eat pork or beef. I kept my really special ones, like the ones somebody gave me. The other things I donated to charity for auctions so they can raise money for their organization. Things that I believe in.

Deborah Franklin

I am so excited about what you are doing now because it is such a motivation to other young girls, other young women that aspire to be on Food Network, on local stations and working because I was sharing with somebody in an interview, I said, “I didn’t have the Oprah’s or anybody I could relate to on TV growing up.” So now, to see all of these women of color just popping up everywhere.

Gina Neely

And our crowns are our crowns.

Deborah Franklin

That part right there. They don’t have to come on trying to fill a certain look; they could just be their authentic self, and that is so great, and I appreciate you for doing that.

Gina Neely

I can remember when I first started Food Network, and they didn’t know what to do with my hair, my skin matched the carpentry, the lighting had to be changed. So when I said we were like a trailblazer, one of the first breaks in all of that, I wore jewel-tone colors because I was dark. And I’m not really considered dark to some people, but for them, that was dark. So, it’s just actually how colorism, ageism, and sexism plays a role in those kinds of industries. And it’s all about what you look like. You can easily get caught up in that world, but I thank God that I always kind of had confidence. Even as a little girl, I was always just the bubbly one and never worried about that. I didn’t have those kinds of issues, and I tried to make sure I passed that on to my daughters as well.

Because I have daughters, it’s important for me that my daughters see what healthy love looks like. I never cried in front of my daughters. I didn’t realize I was doing them a disservice until they told me. I didn’t let my girls see me broke, and I was wrong for that because I needed them to see me in every form of my life and the way life happens because life is just life the minute it unfolds. But I tried to protect them from certain things, but I realized I was doing a disservice to them by putting blinders on them because they needed to see so they would know how to handle themselves if need be. Love should be exciting, love should be beautiful. Love, it does have its moments, yes, but you work through those because you want to get to the other side of that good love.

Deborah Franklin

We all want to be loved.

Gina Neely

Absolutely. It’s just different for me now because I am a public person. So, it’s difficult for me to date, even to navigate that. I was dating this guy. But it was just always a big production, like you don’t have to run my resume down to anybody. Just let people meet me where they are and let me meet them. And unfortunately, it just didn’t work out, I don’t move that way.

Deborah Franklin

I love it. Because, you know, sometimes it’s okay to fly under the radar. Everybody don’t have to know your business.

Gina Neely

That’s right. And that was the toughest part because people felt like they knew my business. It’s such that they felt like I was a fraud, and I was just dealing with what life gave me with the tools that I had at that time. I know better now. I did the best I could with what I knew then and kept my mind together. I think we can judge a little too harshly sometimes because you’re not necessarily walking in that person’s shoes. You may see them for a bit, you see them every day at a certain time on your TV, but you don’t truly know that person. You don’t know their journey. So allow them some grace, some mercy to get through whatever, but be supportive. If you don’t have anything nice to say, just don’t say anything.

Of course, now through the world of internet and social media, everybody has an opinion. Everybody. And you just have to tune it out. I’m talking to young girls soon and they say, “Say Yes to the Dress.” These are young girls who are going to prom for the first time, and they’re having dresses supplied to them, and they have nails and hair done. Girls who couldn’t afford it normally, so we want to make sure they have a good time. And I want to push that whole narrative of know who you are and stand on that. You’re NO is your No. Your limit is your limit. You don’t owe anybody anything. You don’t.

Deborah Franklin

Absolutely. I love it. I’m having so much fun with you. And I’m excited about everything that you’re doing. I promise you, don’t be tripping if I come to Memphis, and I come to the studio, and I’m knocking on the door, “This is Deborah, let me in.”

Gina Neely

Come on, girl. And every guest that comes through the door says, “Oh my God, just meeting you in person is so different. You’re so sweet.” But I like to leave people with a good feeling when they come here because you never know what a person is going through or what it took for them to even walk through that door, so I want their interaction with me to be a pleasant one. I want to leave a lasting impression. I want them to see God in me. I want to tell them God is in me. I want them to see God in me. I don’t want to say I’m a Christian -- you will be able to tell by my behavior who I am and whose I am.

Deborah Franklin

When you hear ‘Church Girl CEO,’ what does that mean to you?

Gina Neely

A woman who walks in her fullness and knows that she is a child of God and is not ashamed of it. She doesn’t allow society to put anything or any labels on her because she knows who she is, she knows who created her, and she knows the goodness that’s in her heart, and she also knows that God will bless you. That’s just how I’ve moved, doing good by people, but because I also know that when I give goodness, goodness comes back to me.

Deborah Franklin

Thank you for chatting with me, but most of all having us make history -- women’s history.

Gina Neely

You have such a big personality; it’s not often I find people that match my energy. You’re even bigger than me and that’s really good. People gravitate to that, they love it because they don’t have that kind of love. And it’s a blessing, and it’s a gift that you’re sharing with others. And that’s what God wants you to do.