Mom Next Door / Kate Dykes

real moms.

RÉSUMÉ

HAILS FROM Wichita Falls LIVES IN Dallas OFFSPRING Allie, 11, Charlie, 8, and Daniel, 3 ALMA MATER Texas Tech with a degree in communications SIGNIFICANT OTHER Husband Sonny Dykes, head football coach at SMU PARENTING GOAL “Structure. Every kid is different, but I think our house is a little cuckoo-crazy just because of football, and there’s a million things going on. I know immediately, if our kids are out of whack, it’s because there’s been no structure.

mom next door / KATE DYKES wife of smu football coach sonny dykes

Kate Dykes and her daughters Allie and Charlie take the field in (of course) SMU colors.

BEING A COACH’S WIFE IS NOT AN EASY GIG. Being the wife of the coach who achieved the most winning season for Southern Methodist University football since 1984 and a mom of three kiddos is even more challenging, but it’s a position that Kate Dykes handles with grace, humor and gratitude. She feels lucky that her children are surrounded by the team. “They have all these big brothers that they get to have these healthy, good relationships with,” she says. “It’s a big deal to them.”

As for whether she likes being a Dallasite, the answer is simple: “No one in the country can have a better setup. I walk three blocks to the football stadium—I mean, it does not get better than that. We can walk to the games or drive a golf cart. Just [having the] ‘simple life’ is worth its weight in gold.”

From football goals to #FamilyGoals, Dykes has scored big. Here’s her take on it all.

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How did you and Sonny meet? I wanted to be a sideline reporter, but my whole life I was an athlete. My dad is a coach, my grandfather is a coach, my oldest brother is a coach. I worked in the sports information department at Texas Tech when I was a student. Our families knew each other through coaching, but he’s 12 years older, so Sonny and I just never really crossed paths.

When I finished at Texas Tech, I saw they had a bunch of coaches out one night during football camp. We ran into each other and he said, “Oh, what do you want to do after you finish school?” He’s like, “Oh, I’ll help you find a job. Let me take your number.” So, he reached out and said, “Here’s what you need to do.” It was very organic; we just never didn’t talk every day after.

How many years later were you married? Two. I lived in Houston for a year. He was 34 when we started dating, I was 22. He called my dad and said, “I think Kate and I need to live in the same town.” So then I moved back in August. We were engaged in March and married in July. We spent that first season at Texas Tech. Moved in December or January; coached the next season. Then I got pregnant and then [Allie] was born our second season at Arizona. So she’s lived in Arizona, Louisiana, California, Oregon, Dallas. When we moved here, she was 9.

With so much moving and travel, how do you create stability for your family? It’s hard. When they’re younger, it’s a little bit easier because they don’t really understand and they don’t have a concept of missing friends. When we moved from California to Texas, it was a little traumatizing, especially for our oldest. She was almost finished with her third-grade year. I am so proud of her. I keep telling her, “I knew one place. You’re getting to see different parts of the country, and culture and people, and you’re certainly going to be better for it.” I try to say, “It’s not easy; I know it isn’t, but it’s a part of being a coach’s kid.” It helps too … when you move with a staff—we have 46 kids [in] our staff [families].

Having that community must help with the transitions. It’s nice to have the familiarity. On our staff, we have a receivers coach who played for us atTech, lived with us for three years in California, and now coaches for us. He’s Daniel’s godfather. So for [the kids], it’s almost like that’s their family.

They’re happy, especially our 11-year-old because she’s been to a lot of schools. They went from California to Fort Worth in February, and then Fort Worth to Dallas April 1. So in 14 months, three different cities and three different schools. Wow, that’s hard. But you know what? They are like the bravest, coolest people I know. I envy them. I tell them, “You’re better walking into a school not knowing anyone than I am walking into a group of moms.” I think they’re starting to understand that this isn’t a bad thing, it’s kind of a cool thing.

You went from being a coach’s daughter to a coach’s wife, so you’re probably accustomed to the pace, but is it always nonstop? It is, a little bit. It’s changed a lot. I feel like it even is more so now because college football has changed so much. Especially our kids—they’re used to constantly having people in our house, which we love. We could choose not to. We want it that way. Recently we were at a Super Bowl party with recruits and players; to them that’s just normal. Tonight Sonny has a function; tomorrow night he has a function. Wednesday at lunch he has a function. Wednesday night he flies to Houston. A lot of those things, I’m supposed to be with him while parenting three children.

That seems almost like an impossible task. It’s hard because you think, I have to be a good mom, but I also have 120 young men that I think of as my own, where you need to be present for them. I think with our kids, there are times when they think, I just want my dad, for me. We sometimes go through that, but the good thing about Sonny that I “I HAVE TO BE A GOOD MOM, BUT I ALSO HAVE 120 YOUNG MEN THAT I THINK OF AS MY OWN, WHERE YOU NEED TO BE PRESENT FOR THEM.”

think is different than most coaches, and I think probably because his dad was a coach, when he walks in the door he pretty much shelves football. He’s very present with the kids.

Sonny has done amazing things with the SMU football program after it struggled for 30-plus years. How do you think he’s done it? I am so proud of him. He’s recruited Dallas for 20 years. So he always would say to me, “I just feel like they’ve never capitalized there.” Which is why he did like the Dallas logowith SMU. That was all him, because he kept saying we just have to be Dallas’ team. We’re your hometown team, just support your hometown team. I think it’s slowly work- ing. But you have to win. It’s the nature of the beast a little bit. We always tell our players too, “Just be patient.” This year, we broke the attendance record. It still needs to be a lot better, but we did so much better. That first year when there was no one in the stands, that’s disheartening for them. You just have to say, “Listen, just keep doing what you’re doing. When we win and when the product is good, people will come.” It maybe shouldn’t happen that way, but it’s just the way life happens.

You plan a trip with all of the coaches’ wives every year. What led you to do that? They’re amazing. We try to do as much as we can, like a staff retreat and coaches’ wives trip, any chance we can to celebrate them. They give so much. Anything we can do—they’re so grateful. This is the first job we’ve ever been on where there’s no drama, because when you put 25 women together of different ages, differ- ent backgrounds—a lot of times very competitive women, because it’s sports and you kind of marry “like” people, and so it’s interesting. That is not the case here. So it’s really fun for me.

Having that camaraderie must be wonderful since you all share so many experiences. I think it’s really important because even my best friends that I love and adore, it is hard for them to understand what your day-to-day life is like unless you’re a coach’s wife. Because I don’t work, I think sometimes people think, “Oh, I bet it’s awesome. She just sits at home and picks up her kids.” I’m like, “Oh, I wish.” I would love that. I’m not complaining, but I think [other coaches’ wives] get it, they understand what you’re sacrificing, what your day-to-day life is like. I think no one really understands, unless you’re a coach’s wife, what it feels like to go through a game day, or after a loss, or after a win. So I think when you can really have that community, then you have someone when it’s not good to go to, when it is good to go to and all the in-betweens. Where you say, “What do I do? How do I respond to this situation?”

Having moved so much, are you always waiting for that phone call from Sonny? I hope and pray [it doesn’t come]. Sonny and I talk about this all the time. Usually by like year two or three somewhere, you prep yourself for the move because if you don’t, a lot of times you’re going to end up getting fired, even if you’re doing well. The business almost makes you accustomed to it. This is the first time ever that there’s never been the itch. We’re happy. What is your favorite part of being a coach’s wife? I think for me, it’s just an avenue to kind of still be in sports, but not. I think, too, it’s getting to be around all the players. When you surround yourself with young people, I think it keeps you young, and it keeps your mind open. I feel like as people get older, your mind gets a little bit more close-minded. I don’t ever want to be that person that just sits and says, “Oh, you shouldn’t do that,” just because I’m old and it’s a differ- ent way. We were once the new generation. So, for that, I love it. ABOVE // Kate Dykes was a coach’s kid—just like her own three children.

PLAYBOOK kate dykes’ tried-and-true tactics for staying healthy and enjoying life in dallas

INTERVIEW HEATHER VANCE DEVERS

1FAVORITE WAY TO GET THE KIDS ACTIVE

OUR YOUNGEST TAKES A CLASS WITH THIS GUY NAMED MR. DONOVAN. IT’S THE CRAZIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN. DANIEL HAS FOUR OR FIVE KIDS IN HIS LITTLE CLASS, ALL BOYS. THIS MAN DOESN’T EVEN SPEAK WORDS AND THE KIDS DO WHAT HE DOES.

HOW SHE KEEPS HER FAMILY HEALTHY 2 g “I try to be a stickler on what we eat. Not that you can’t have fun. I don’t ever want my kids to even know what the word diet means. I was an athlete, so my legs were four times bigger than someone else, and it never even crossed my mind. Then I remember getting into college and thinking, OK, my body looks different than these people because they look like this, and that was just never how my figure looked. I always tell them you need to learn good eating habits, not because you care about what you look like, but because it fills your body.”

FAMILY VACATION SPOT

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“We love Cabo as a family. It’s the one place Sonny can really unwind.”

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‘‘ RIGHT NOW, RANCH WATER OR JAVIER’S MARGARITAS. THE BEST BARTENDER IS SONNY. HE’S RUINED ME. HE SQUEEZES EVERYTHING FRESH—IT’S AMAZING. JAVIER’S // 4912 Cole Ave., Dallas; javiers.net ‘‘ GO-TO ADULT BEVERAGE

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FAVORITE THING ABOUT BEING A DALLASITE

“Truly that there’s everything. Everywhere I lived, it was either the traffic was too bad to get anywhere to do anything, or it was too spread out, or you didn’t even have a Target. If you want to go have a date night, go have a fun date night at the restaurant. If you want to go have cocktails and act like you’re 25 and not 40 and 50, you can do that. There’s anything you want for shopping. Anything with your kids. I think that’s my favorite thing is that there is everything, and it’s doable.”

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LILLY NEUBAUER 6 AM Wake up to the delivery of a Bulletproof coffee, or butter coffee, from Markus. (Once you try Bulletproof coffee, you won’t go back!) Markus and Heidi have a raging morning breakfast routine, complete with Disney songs thumping bass through the house. I prefer a more quiet, meditative type of morning. For the first five years, I woke up at 4:45am to get my quiet time. Now I just hide in my room with the company of my dog Little Child, some prayers I keep in the notes of my phone, my journal and daily devotionals. 6:35AM I make my bed. It’s a daily ritual that reminds me no matter how rushed I may feel in the moment, there’s time to do things the right way now. 7:30AM I drive Heidi to kindergarten while we listen to our favorite podcast, Story Pirates. It’s helped everyone in the family get back in touch with our silly sides. A good dose of silliness does a lot of the heavy lifting around our house when it comes to chores or getting out the door on time. Lilly Neubauer finds beauty in the simple things. She is the founder of Camp Crafty Parties, which brings old-fashioned arts and crafts to modern celebrations. Along with her husband Markus (a partner at a highway design firm), Neubauer created the blog Open Hearted Home. The couple lives in Dallas with their 6-year-old daughter, Heidi, and a small menagerie. a wednesday in the life of

9:20AM I catch up on some emails and head into Sculpt45 at Class Studios in Preston Center. I love Sculpt45 because it’s a mix of intuitive dance and full-body connection and strengthening. You never know what you’re going to get, but it always leaves me feeling strong and connected to myself—two things I can use daily as a mom and business owner. I enjoy two chilled eucalyptus towels after class because I earned it. 11AM I’m settled deep into work—hopefully a good writing session for Open Hearted Home. I have a little over 1,000 entries in the notes section of my phone, where I organize my thoughts on the spiritual journey of having a family, my desire to live more authentically or what I just bought on Amazon. I write to the version of myself I was three years ago, when I could have used a good dose of experienced hope from a woman like me on the other side of the rock bottoms. 3:15PM I pick Heidi up from school. I always ask Heidi about her day but have learned digging in a little deeper gets better answers. I ask her what friend she enjoyed playing with, what game they played on the playground and what they read. 3:25PM It’s time for a pop-in to our afterschool hangout, Central Market! We check in with our grocery store family. Miss Crystal will have a snack for Heidi in the demo kitchen. At the coffee bar, Jeremiah likes to comment that we’re here every day (as if my family takes days off from eating). Steve is making the rounds—if I’m wearing one of my new crafts, he often notices. Cornelius in sushi is doing much better now that the Cowboys are in the off-season. Heidi and I both feel quite grown up as we head home with a hot cocoa for her, a matcha latte for me and our dinner supplies. 4PM Heidi helps me with dinner prep at the counter. I usually try to do dinner in our Instant Pot or on a sheet pan so I have some time to connect with Heidi while everything is cooking. If it’s nice outside, she’s in the backyard climbing logs or looking for frogs; today I take advantage of colder weather by inviting her over to the craft table with me so I can see how she brings some of my new ideas for Camp Crafty Parties to life in her own style. 6:30PM Markus is home and dinner is served. During the week, we try to eat dinner together on at least four nights. After a family moment of three “big deep breaths” and a gratitude prayer, Markus asks what our favorite part of the day was to start conversations. If my phone just happened to sneak over to the table with me, he keeps a zipper pouch nearby that I can store it in. 7:35PM Markus does bedtime with Heidi while I prep tomorrow’s lunch for school, tidy the kitchen and feed our backyard animals

the fine print WHAT SHE’S READING Super Attractor by Gabrielle Bernstein WHOSE INSTAGRAM SHE DIGS Gabrielle Blair (@designmom) WHAT’S IN HER NETFLIX QUEUE The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and The Politician FAVORITE MOVIE Groundhog Day. Markus and I have watched it every Groundhog Day for 13 years. FIRST CELEBRITY CRUSH Vintage John Travolta HOW SHE AND HER HUSBAND MET Washing dishes at a Domino’s Pizza in Lubbock DATE NIGHT SPOT Drake’s or Lula B’s Oak Cliff FAVORITE SCENT White Rock Soap Gallery’s rosemary mint SECRET TALENT My perfect karaoke delivery of Sammy Kershaw’s “Queen of My Double Wide Trailer” WHAT SHE DOES WHEN LIFE GETS STRESSFUL Sweat, shower, go to the lake, drink a glass of water or cry. #watersignlife MOTHERHOOD IN FIVE WORDS Who is teaching who here? BEAUTY PRODUCT SHE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT Beautycounter Countertime CELEBRITY MOM SHE ADMIRES Kourtney Kardashian (I never said I was a role model.) GO-TO SPOT FOR SELF-CARE Misaotra Beauty Sanctuary FAVORITE INDULGENCE Estate sales BEST CHEAP MEAL WITH HER DAUGHTER Sharing entrees at Asian Mint

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(our chicken, Cecilia, and pig, Lorena). If the moonlight is good, I pop my head into the house to let the other two know and we’ll all take a look together. I make one last pass at email and Instagram before my phone is confiscated (in the name of love) by Markus for the night. 8:30PM Markus and I punch out as Mom and Dad and start winding down together. I’m too lazy to set screentime limits, so instead I never replaced our television when it broke a few years ago. We typically chat with our fireplace going and work on one of our family-friendlymeets-cool Spotify playlists. My favorite evening pastime is when Markus reads to me. Currently, it’s Something Wonderful: Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Broadway Revolution, by Todd S. Purdum, and Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe, by Laura Lynne Jackson. 10PM I bring in the dream team— weighted blanket, lavender diffuser, linen spray—and turn in for the night. I surrender to the universe and promise to do my best to stay in gratitude and accept the lessons that will head my way if I get the chance to do tomorrow.

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