Ann’s Fashion Fortunes

By Ann Rosenquist Fee

More joy, less gray

DEAR ANN: I just went furniture shopping for the first time in a long time. It really struck me that everything was gray. At first I thought it was maybe just for showroom purposes with other colors available to order. Nope. Aside from one or two dark blues, gray was pretty much the only option. What is going on? I am in need of a couch that brings cheer to my home, so any help in this matter would be appreciated. DEAR READER: I assume you’re committed to buying locally, because of course there are online options where you can find a couch in any color you dang well want. But then you’d be taking risks in terms of comfort and durability, like you might end up with a vibrant tangerine sectional that looks cheery but behaves all judgy by not having the right kind of padding to sink into and not having the right kind of springs to allow you to stand up comfortably after an unsatisfyingly unpadded nap, resulting in aches and pains that affirm that you’re a superficial cheapskate.

I get this. Local shopping, which includes sitting on actual test couches, is the most self-respecting way to go. For this, I strongly suggest regular trips to VINE Home Thrift Store, open 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Tuesdays through Saturdays. If you’ve ever tried to donate something to VINE, you know that their standards are high — nothing stained, smelly, or saggy beyond the point of comfortable use. And right now VINE’s furniture section is a multi-colored landscape, because by definition, thrifted furniture is out-of-date and, in your case, that’s exactly what you need. Your 1980s pastels. Your midcentury lemon yellows and medicinal pinks. An early 1990s hunter green.

As for why gray is ubiquitous in brick-and-mortar home furnishing stores, my first theory is that we’re all seeing so much divisiveness right now, maybe the purchasing public has an appetite for neutrality that can only be satisfied by something stationary and sort-ofpermanent like furniture.

A couple home decor trend articles I researched suggested that it’s because we’re really into our accessory objects right now, and gray furnishings make accessories pop. I would add that recent lifestyle trends have made us hyper-aware of our own clutter in a somewhat shameful way, and “make accessories pop” could be another way of saying “make our clutter look like it’s there on purpose.”

Any way you slice it, it seems like the point of gray is to make us feel better about things we’d rather not acknowledge. So, good for you for seeking a couch with color and thereby living a more examined, aware, trendproof life.

DEAR ANN: I want a new hairstyle but one that doesn’t emphasize my face. How do I explain that to my stylist? DEAR READER: While I don’t know your situation, I’m going to guess you’re at one of those pivotal points Courtesy VINE Home Thrift Store, the winning local spot for inexplicably out-of-style non-gray furniture. Open Tuesdays through Saturdays, 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.

where you’re craving a new look because you have some kind of personal transformation underway, and it would be easier for everybody if a haircut would just express that for you.

Of course it would. This desire is inherent in 99% of all hair appointments and 100% of all walk-in hair appointments. And your ridiculous requirement that it “doesn’t emphasize my face” actually works if we interpret that as “newly emphasizes my hair itself,” which is do-able with a cut that’s shorter and edgier than whatever you’ve got going on right now. Present your needs that way, and your stylist will probably hopefully know exactly what to do.

DEAR ANN: At first, I resisted jumpsuits, but they seem to be sticking around and I’m starting to want some. But I still can’t get over the using-the-bathroom part. Are there any solutions other than the obvious? DEAR READER: “Obvious” meaning you should only wear it when you’re going out for three or four hours max, to avoid having to keep the top half off the floor in a public restroom? “Obvious” meaning you should be grateful women have the right to wear pants at all, and whatever fiddling you have to do with your jumpsuit in a restroom is nothing compared to what that took? “Obvious,” as in, so glad we’re not in the midst of a statewide shutdown so you’ll take your sweet time in the bathroom with your jumpsuit and anything else just to savor the not-at-home experience? Buy a jumpsuit already. Its poetry awaits you.

Got a question? Submit it at annrosenquistfee.com (click on Ann’s Fashion Fortunes). Ann Rosenquist Fee is executive director of the Arts Center of Saint Peter and host of Live from the Arts Center, a music and interview show Thursdays 1-2 p.m. on KMSU 89.7FM.