Diamond unearthed edition 4 by Diamond Unearthed

GO ON AND SPARKLE

Ways to

GET MORE DONE this year

Dear Girl Child,

IT’S OKAY “HERE’S WHAT MATTERS: YOU HAVE SURVIVED AND YOU HAVE A STORY TO SHARE”

CANCER

I CAN, YOU CAN DIAMOND UNEARTHED EDITION 04:

“The thing with life is we have to understand that we’re not only the light to those around us...we are also anchors”

SHE’S ALL THINGS Mmakgosi Tau

APRIL/MAY 2018

CO NT

ON T

EN T

FEATURES Contributors 05 Editor’s Note 06

Nompendulo Shabangu

Poem: The Unseen Me 15 Sword Girl

COVER STORY Mmakgosi Tau - She’s All Things 07 Nompendulo Shabangu

Dear Girl Child, It’s Okay 21 The Village Girl

Health Column - Cancer 29 Gofaone Moyo

Ways To Get More Done This Year 31 Mass Bokamoso

Back to Eden 17 Juby Peacock

Organic Naturals 19 Didintle Moreki

Infallible Vibrations: Temple 23 Mmakgosi Anita Tau

I Would Go Natural But... 25 Margret Zoey Konie

Botlhe’s Secrets: A Few Secrets to Prosperity 27 Botlhe Mauchaza

Pearls of Wisdom: Spiritual Parenting (2) 28 Dr Pearl Kube

Purity Revelation: Christ Jesus Makes The Difference 35 Dawn Guevara

The Language Of Love: Good Communication in Marriage 37 Ps. Lydiah Mosimegi

Your Friends Are Your Mentors 39 Nompendulo Shabangu

CONTRIBUTORS Dr. Pearl Kube

attorney.business coach.author.global consultant

Ps. Lydiah Mosimegi author.poet.teacher. mother.counselor. motivational speaker

Founding Editor Nompendulo Shabangu Photography Charles Kakomee Layout Designer Studio Brown Editor Open Button Cover Girl Wardrobe Open Button Cover Girl Make-up Reney Services

Gofaone Moyo

dietician.writer. featured host.lifestyle advisor

Juby Peacock

Miss Botswana 2004. social worker.poet. writer

Mmakgosi Tau

artist.mentor. motivational speaker. entrepeneur.author. mother.minister

Dawn Guevara

wife.mother.co-founder Purity Revelation

Didintle Moreki business woman. accountant.writer. farmer

www.diamondunearthed@gmail.com

Mass Bokamoso

poet.writer.youth development facilitator.entrepeneur

Botlhe Mauchaza

business woman. accountant.fashionista. health activist.beauty expert

Margaret Zoey Konie accountant.natural hair activist.vlogger.guitarist

The Village Girl

traveller.visionary.writer

WELCO M E TO O U R

E D ITO R’S N OTE

iith one quarter of .2018 out of the way already, I believe we can all nod our heads in unison and acknowledge that indeed time flies. While we are at it, let’s remember moments that make time stand still. Those beautiful, glorious, God-orchestrated moments. For me, I find great pleasure in sitting down and having lengthy conversations with Diamond Unearthed’s cover girls, and time spent with Mmakgosi Tau was a glimpse of what excellence covered in humility looks like. This dynamic bejewelled

gem commands the attention of her audience with her gentleness, passion, and determination. I know you will be inspired by her life and experiences. I am also pleased to welcome on board new contributors, Zoey Konie (natural hair section), Didintle Moreki (skin care), and The Village Girl. Valued readers, the Diamond Unearthed team thanks you for your continued support and looks forward to the journey ahead. Let the Diamond Unearthed slogan be your mantra as you “go on and sparkle.”

- nomps -

PHOTOS CHARLES KAKOMEE WORDS NOMPENDULO SHABANGU

APRIL/MAY 2018

GRATITU DE

MMAKGOSI TAU: NO BOX BIG ENOUGH

When people need you in life they will look for you and

WHATEVER GIFT YOU HAVE is going

to attract them to come to you

ATTITU DE O F

many people who have, at some point in their lives, needed exactly what she had to give at that moment. “I may be a poet to you as a fellow wordsmith, but the next person will see the prophetess, the next the filmmaker, the next a worshipper, the next will see everything I am. I have learned to accept that I do not force what I am onto people. When people need you in life they will look for you and whatever gift you have is going to attract them to come to you. So with me and my life people have come to me for different reasons.” Mmakgosi embodies the words of the Apostle Paul when he instructed, “Be all things to all people.” “I believe poetry is my springboard,” she reveals, “it’s what’s propelled me to be a strong orator, it’s given me boldness, it’s what’s given me confidence and God allowed me to blossom after I had my son. The period in which I was nursing was one of pity for me because I was dwelling on the fact that I was a single mother about to raise this child alone; I have nothing. All I have are the gifts; gifts can’t feed. Until God proved me wrong. He allowed me to shape-shift and turn into what He wanted me to become. So instead of the pity party, I was focusing on what I wanted to give to the audiences.”

THE LENS

through which Mmakgosi Tau looks at life makes hers all the more beautiful. She’s a woman who laughs easily and who has evidently cultivated an attitude of gratitude. Mmakgosi has felt the weight of responsibility from a tender age as she’s the firstborn daughter of Monty and Keoagile Tau, with two younger siblings. The 28 year old takes her role as firstborn rather seriously. “When I grew up, my mother was quite strict,” she explains, “she had principles and values we had to abide by, and being the firstborn daughter, it means I was her template.” She fondly describes the traits she has always admired from both her parents respectively. “I listened to my mother and I looked up to her in many ways because she was always this confident woman in society. My Dad, my pillar,” she beams, “I love my Dad, I love both of them. There was something my Dad always gave in his silence; there was so much power, and so much authority, perhaps because he’s an officer of the law. My Dad really grounded me in faith. If at all there was something I would do that wasn’t aligned to God, there would always be reprimanding but through spoken word, and I learnt to respect that and I cherish those moments in my life.”

“God positions us in different places along the ocean, so that when other ships sink, we are able to hold them. That’s what I’ve realised I’ve become.”

Cayden Mmakgosi attests that four-year old Cayden, whose name means “Warrior,” is her miracle baby. “When God restores, He does it in weird ways,” she shares, “God gave me my life back through Cayden. Prior to Cayden, I was half in the world and half in the kingdom; in seeing Cayden for the first time, I felt

All Things Perhaps it was this exposure to the power words possess that led Mmakgosi down a road of selfdiscovery within the art of poetry. “I used to call myself a poet and hide everything else I was and I figured it’s not helping me grow; it’s not helping those around me. The thing with life is we have to understand that we’re not only the light to those around us, and in their darkness they seem to find God in how we live our lives. We are also anchors. God positions us in different places along the ocean so that when other ships sink we are able to hold them; that’s what I’ve realised I’ve become.” Embracing everything else God has called her to be in her various seasons has introduced her to APRIL/MAY 2018

MY DAD really grounded me in faith... and I learnt to respect that and I cherish

those moments in my life

God in a way I had never felt Him before. Mothering this boy has shown me God in different dimensions, and the fact that He has entrusted ne with this life is something I don’t take lightly. He was giving me my focus back. He was giving me the opportunity to invest in someone, to groom someone, to give the baton to someone and to give back the love He’s invested in me to this boy. Cayden is God’s way of saying, ‘You have been fighting life and I’m sending you your chief warrior.’ “I used to sing for him when I was expecting him, and the whole time I was at war, not only with his father and the world, I was at war with myself. And when you are expecting and you have a life inside of you but you are at war…so this child fought, he’s been fighting since he’s been in my womb. And even during labour – I had 36 hours of labour – I fought, he fought. I lost so much blood; it was literally coming out in clots. The medication I took for bipolar and depression then left clots and I didn’t even know. So Cayden was also my deliverance. Had I stayed with these things inside of me, who knows what would have happened to me? He’s my second opportunity in life for me to be the woman God wants me to be. When I am finished, annihilated, down, and I just can’t hear or see what’s going on in my life, I just need to look at his face and I see the love of God and I see why I am alive and what God wants to achieve (through me), and I see His life, which is going to surpass mine with deeds, with everything, and I say, ‘God, this young man was brought into my life purposefully.’ Cayden is my warrior in that sense, when I’m done fighting, he fights for me without even knowing it.”

Mental Health Activism Inspired by her personal experience and her astonishing story of healing from bipolar and depression, Mmakgosi has gone on to become a Mental Health Activist. “I was sick at some point in my life, by the grace of God I was healed completely from bipolar and depression, and God

I DO NOT CONSIDER WHAT I WENT THROUGH AS SHAME,

I consider what i went through as God’s way of healing Botswana... gave me the boldness to speak about mental health because He continuously showed me instances that were deteriorating because communities didn’t understand what mental health was about and how to come out from depression, and it was important for me that I was not speaking from a medical, legal, or political perspective; I was speaking from a personal experience and that overweighs what’s written and has been done. There are so many needs within the community, so much that needs to be done and I just said to Botswana, ‘Here I am as a living sacrifice,’ because I do not consider what I went through as shame, I consider it as God’s way of healing Botswana and I needed to speak out in order for that to happen because God uses people. I began this journey of speaking and writing about it, and it wasn’t enough. I talked about it, it wasn’t enough.” The first time Mmakgosi publicly shared about her journey with mental illness was in 2014 on a popular South African magazine; even though she knew she was taking a step in the right direction, she also knew, and felt, that she needed to do more. She wanted something that would call Botswana to take a stand and to start evaluating policies governing mental health and to also evaluate community based care. In 2017, Mmakgosi launched her very first installment of Mmakgosi Live, a show that aims to create awareness on a larger scale on Mental Health. Mmakgosi says the APRIL/MAY 2018

Minister of Health, Hon. Minister Dorcas Makgetho referred to her as a Mental Health Ambassador, even though she considers herself an activist. Mmakgosi’s public social media page, which boasts a following of over 7,000, is adorned with insights on the topic of Mental Health. She shares on this, and on many other platforms to raise awareness on Mental Health. During Mmakgosi Live, she received the support of the Ministry of Health, the Ministry of Land Management, Water and Sanitation Services, AFDA, the German Embassy, Mystique, and artists such as Tshegofatso Kwadiba, Maya, and Poetess Phopho. The show attracted close to 3,000 people. “Botswana received us well,” she beams. “I don’t think God raised me from the dead so I would allow others to die before my eyes. God woke me so I could give to those that are dead the same power He gave to me. I’ve been counseling people. I have testimonies, people overcoming. It would be lovely to have a place we could call a centre to counsel these people. There’s nothing more urgent to me as somebody’s state of mind.” She states that she has gotten the attention of the media industry, something she’s highly appreciative of. Her aim is to catch the attention of lawmakers. “Those that need to hear me are lawmakers, I need to sit with them and tell them about health workers because they (health workers) get so engrossed and so defeated because they receive 11

so many patients. They end up now violating human rights. If I’ve come out of that rut and I’m here as human as I possibly could be, knowing that this same cycle could be happening to somebody, it would defeat the purpose of God for my life.” Mental Health is a hot topic in many parts of the world, and Africa – along with her people – is experiencing a wave of it like never before. The journey ahead is undoubtedly a long one, however, it is comforting and assuring to know that people like Mmakgosi have taken it upon themselves to use what God has given them to make a positive difference.

Mmakgosi The Director In 2015 Mmakgosi enrolled in AFDA as a Live Performer, simply because she’s a performer, and a year later she transitioned to Film and Directing. At school they were challenged to create film so they could decide if they really wanted to pursue the path they were already on or not. After her short film, Trafficque, made it to top three, she spoke to one of her lecturers and informed him that she couldn’t let the fire she had discovered burn out. It was after she had a conversation with one of her housemates expressing how torn she was that she knew what she needed to do. Her housemate looked at her and said, “Why is this even a question? You wrote one time, you directed

GO D IS TH E M I N D B EH I N D TH IS M I N D one time, and your film is one of the best films I’ve ever seen and you are asking yourself what you should do. How many women writers and directors are in this industry? Screenplay, how many film directors are women in Botswana? Where is the universe heading regarding film? Which part do you want to play, do you want to be an actor where you get cast because of your gift, or do you want to be directing behind the camera?” The decision was very easy after that conversation. “God is the mind behind this mind.” “When I write these films I pray about them, I pray with my team. I believe God is raising people in delicate industries that have the potential and power to give the gospel of God to masses of people. When I write a film, I’m not writing it for me, I’m writing it for more than a million people. When I write a short story I could be writing it for ten people. With film what God was doing all along was preparing me to do delicately in such a way that they would speak to millions of people. If He can trust me with small things, He can also trust me with big things. Which causes me to govern myself with the things I look to… Even in Christianity I always advocate for us to speak about things that people hide. In my films we are going to speak about things that people hide. For a long time we have believed

that the pulpit is the prime area; I’m writing and directing and I’m speaking to a million people. I mean, I’ve accepted it and I’ve appreciated it.”

be treated. I have to get to a point where the entrepreneur in me is thinking entrepreneurially. I have to reconcile my accounts and get hired to do things. What I learnt in 2017 is that I’m not selling myself short and that when it’s business, it’s business, and you’re not mixing it with other things.”

2017 – 2018

The year 2017 was one of great victories and also moments of learning. “I learnt to be vulnerable only to God and not man,” she shares, “I learnt to treasure the secret that the Spirit gives you; when Holy Spirit tells you to be quiet, you must be quiet. I learnt to be resilient more than I’ve ever been. I learnt that God was pleased with the progress I was making. I learnt to take rejection (and) to move from that, to trust God. I learned to be comfortable with my gifts, especially my prophetic gift, because most times I would just be quite, and that’s disobedience. A lot of it has to do with how most people have perceived the office of the prophet and how they speak about the prophetic. God sat me down and ministered to me and said, ‘If you were called by man, man would dictate your emotions, feelings, and reactions, but you were called by Me. Why do you permit people’s opinions to have any bearing on what I called you for?’ Hearing God has never really been difficult for me, it’s now trusting that when I articulate it, I won’t disappoint Him. “I learnt not to devalue myself in business. I learnt to stand for myself, my beliefs, and carry with me the lessons I have learnt in the past and engrain them to where I’m going so people treat me as I would want to

Armed with many lessons from the previous year, Mmakgosi is ready to take on 2018 and delve into all

UNDER THE UMBRELLA OF GOD IS PERFECTION, BEAUTY AND EXCELLENCE

that God has for her; the projects she plans on undertaking will surely have a lot of meaning in her own life, and in the lives of those around her and their beneficiaries. In 2018 she plans on initiating a “Build A Bag Campaign”, which is about providing toiletry for patients at Sabrana Mental Hospital, hosting the second installment of Mmakgosi Live, conducting Writers Workshops, growing Sekei Girls, releasing her poetry album and videos, and working on a church project where they are helping a family of 18

currently living in a two-roomed house build a toilet so they can have proper sanitation.

Her Story – His Story “I haven’t been writing my story. I used to think I was writing my story until I realised I have absolutely no power over it and I’ve accepted that what I was building was for God. The kind of legacy I would leave behind would be a legacy for God.

Embracing Our Differences Mmakgosi has recently been inspired by the life and characteristics of an owl. “I was reading the other day and we are always focused on the eagle; soar, soar, soar! and we must soar, we must mount up like eagles, (but) then I read about the owl, and something that struck me (is that) when the eagle sleeps, the owl goes to hunt, when the eagle eats, its prey is asleep. The owl doesn’t really hunt; it finds its food there. We must celebrate our differences. The owl may not be able to soar, but it gets its food easy, and God has wired the owl in such a way that it sees in the dark, it hunts in the dark, something the eagle can never do. So you’re going to be there with the gifts in your life, and if you’re going to make the mistake of comparing yourself with the next person, gifts the Lord has placed inside of you, what He has wired inside of you to

see with, won’t be applicable in your life because you don’t recognise it, you’re too busy held up on the gifts of others and what they are able to do. So instead of hunting in the night as an owl, you deprive yourself of your rest during the day, and you think that you’ll be able to do what you were born to do, but you can’t do what you were born to do if you’re still hung up over what people are doing. The owl is also a special creation, to also be able to see in the dark, I relate this to the spiritual; there are people that will sleep in the dark, until they are able to wake up and see in the dark, they will not be able to conquer. So we need to align ourselves so that we are able to conquer even in the dark. Our eyes are able to see in the dark, so whatever it is that God has released as blessings for us, even in that darkness we are able to reach and grab and take with us. Celebrate your darkness as you might not be the eagle, but the wise owl destined to breakthrough in the darkness, destined to take the miracles that God has released upon them in the dark while the eagle sleeps.” Mmakgosi Ophadile Anita Tau points this generation to the Answer. With her go-getter attitude and belief that there’s nothing she cannot do, there’s no box big enough to contain this dynamic young woman in, and if this is where she is now, and she’s not even thirty years old yet, only God knows where she will be 10 years from now.

“We must celebrate our differences. The owl may not be able to soar, but it gets its food easy, and God has wired the owl in such a way that it sees in the dark, it hunts in the dark, something the eagle can never do”

APRIL/MAY 2018

For I know the plans I have for you,â&#x20AC;? says the Lord. â&#x20AC;&#x153;They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. Jeremiah 29:11-13

unseen me

TH E

APRIL/MAY 2018

Like a butterfly breaking free from its cocoon The sun rises and steadily journeys from east to west Meanwhile there is me A girl with some ghostly tendencies Haha! Don't let your imagination break free and run wild just yet I'm ghostly because I live an invisible life My efforts can't really be traced back to me No! What I really really mean is My actions usually do not leave a mark on anyone or anything I also meant to say, my voice does not like making an echo Why would it anyway Since I'm always whispering? Hoping there's just one person out there Who will crack the code to decipher what I'm trying to communicate Through every silent whisper Haha! Who cares what a ghost has to say anyway? The unseen me would let you in on these two secrets though Listen up! Nothing is as painful as belonging on stage Yet lacking the courage to stand tall on it and be seen No pain is as excruciating as the one of being full of wisdom Yet lacking the bravery to open up your mouth and share it The burden of these two secrets is weighing down on the unseen me Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s more like, I'm carrying the entire universe on my feeble shoulders The pain of living life in the shadows has had its toll on me now I feel old I feel like I have been dead for too long That is why Courage or not I'm not going to be unseen anymore I'm going to stand on that stage and do what I was born for I'm going to open my mouth so wide every gem of wisdom in me would escape To those who need to hear it Being unseen is to shun destiny and reject purpose Being unseen is to sign up for early death and prolonged existence Because you might be unseen and still exist yet not alive

WORDS SWORD GIRL 16

BACK TO EDEN

The Methodology Of Deception WORDS JUBY PEACOCK

H I S TO RY I S L I T T E R E D W I T H P EO P L E W H O S U CC U M B E D TO T H E L I ES O F S ATA N. A N D YE T T H E F I R S T M E N T I O N O F T H E B I G G ES T D EC E PT I O N CO M ES T H R O U G H A WO M A N L I K E MYS E L F, EV E. In my study

this conversation with the serpent. Imagine her beholding its beauty, she was most likely salivating at its appeal to be edible and ate it immediately after the devil convinced her of the benefits. Eve would move from meditating on the thought, to acting on it without having the chance to revise her thoughts.

of this story in the Bible, I am astonished by how Satan chose the opportune time, place and person to tempt. The temptation of Eve in the Bible was not a state of random chances; it took careful pre-meditation, understanding and cunningness on his part. Why was Eve the perfect person for Satan to approach? In my thinking, perhaps Adam had already established a stronger relationship with God, and him having such knowledge of the Maker, and being more focused on his work of stewardship in the garden, he probably would not have yielded so easily to temptation. But as the English saying goes: an idle brain is the devil’s workshop.

We also witness in the above scripture that when questioned about the tree by Satan, Eve makes an addition to the original instruction of “not eating” given to Adam that God said they should also “not touch” the tree. We know most lies we tell ourselves emanate from second hand information. It is very important that we learn to discern false words from the enemy of our calling because this is a strategy that he usually uses. The devil does not fabricate complete stories or complete false truths. No, instead the enemy just nudges and makes subtle suggestions, induced under specious pretext to prefer an apparent to the real good.

We see a new comer in the garden, who is hearing second-hand information from her spouse about the tree in the middle of the garden. Eve was made to be the man’s helper and she is still familiarising herself with this new role when Satan, disguised as a serpent, approached her.

These mind bending tactics used upon the woman is what gave Satan the victory in the garden. He knew that Adam would most likely not follow him and be tempted to eat the fruit. And because of that, he knew that the full impact of the fall would not be felt through the fall of Eve but Adam as he had the covenant with God. But who would be most likely to convince Adam, a serpent or his beautiful covenant wife?

In Genesis 3:1-6 Satan tempted Eve. It’s important to note that the Bible says she was standing right next to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It’s safe to say that Satan knew that the tree would appeal to the lust of her eye. And in this narrative, Eve was standing at close proximity to the tree and looking at the fruit whilst having APRIL/MAY 2018

As we return to Eden, what lessons can we learn from the original temptation? I would say that as believers we should never put ourselves in places where we are most likely to be tempted. The fruit was forbidden, yet 15

we still see Eve wandering close to it. The same way we see believers going to bars or drinking alcohol yet holding on to the notion that drinking is not a sin but the act of becoming drunk. This can be likened in the same breath to the reality that most believers have convinced themselves that watching pornography or masturbating are not actual sexual sins. They would like to think that the sin is the actual act of sexual intercourse. However, it is very difficult to fly close to a flame without getting burnt. Our positioning will often determine the level at which we get enticed to sin. We also learn that we are usually

tempted through people we have a close or intimate relationship with. And that temptation is not always obvious, but a subtle technique is used that bites us when we least expect it. Satan used a similar subtle approach when he tempted Christ when he used his closest friend, Peter. Note that Jesus used the same words he used when he rebuked Satan in the wilderness.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;...instead the enemy just nudges and makes subtle suggestions, induced under specious pretext to prefer an apparent to the real goodâ&#x20AC;?

Our positioning wi l l often determine the level at which we get enticed to sin

SKIN CARE

ORGANIC NATURALS WORDS DIDINTLE MOREKI

LET’S FACE IT, WE MOSTLY PRIORITISE FACIAL SKINCARE ONCE WE SEE THAT HUGE PIMPLE POP OUT OR THOSE STUBBORN POST-PUBERTY ACNE SCARS THAT REFUSE TO GO AWAY NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY. Fear not, this is not an article to condemn or criticise you but to share a few insights on facial skin care. Right from my preadolescent years l always wished l had flawless radiant skin that never had breakouts but only required water to be cleansed and could be moisturised with any moisturising cream. Then there was my skin, the total opposite of that! Puberty long attacked me when l was only 10 years old, my facial skin was a combination of oily, acne prone, and acne scars…the list is endless. Like every other teenage girl l bought everything cosmetic shelves offered, l tried every latest product and free advice the community gave. Remember those? The unsolicited advice that our family and

friends dished out like handme-downs, the kind that stuck in our minds and drove us to the next store. Ask me the price of any facial product sold during year 2008 to 2013 of any product and l can name it. My adolescent acne decided to become a balance brought forward figure and thrived to my adult hood years. During my first year of University l was totally insecure and tired. I decided to turn to organic products and that is how l managed to understand my skin and offer it the benefits it needed. This was the birth of Organic Naturals. Research Organic Naturals offers facial exfoliants and facial toners made from anything you can find in your kitchen cabinet! The first time l had the thought l wondered, “What is there to lose?” Organic Naturals facial skin care range is a combination of essential oils, botanicals and raw organic materials that are blended to create highly effective antiaging, anti-inflammatory, and skin protective benefits. I was personally tired of the parabens, sulfates and phthalates most clinical products contained. (Read your product ingredients and know what exactly it contains and then do your research). Research; that was simply how l conquered my facial issues.

There is something about information that empowers one and protects one against the expense of ignorance. So read, your face will thank you later. Hydration I remember reading an article on the benefits of drinking water to facial skin. What are you drinking, is it hydrating you skin? Water is an essential component to life and it combats a great deal of disorders such as psoriasis, acne and eczema. Water flushes out toxins that in turn offer you a healthy and glowing skin. So drink your water! I traded my cup of coffee for a cup of green tea, IT WAS WORTH IT! Green tea improves your skin complexion fighting uneven skin tone, hyperpigmentation and acne scars. It also has anti-aging oxidants. The polyphenols in green tea help neutralise harmful free radicals. These radicals cause significant damage to the skin and accelerate the aging process. Green- tea also has anti-bacterial agents that help fight bacteria that cause acne. The catechins even help regulate hormonal imbalances in the body, which is one of the key causes of acne. The key is to cleanse the skin inside out, that way the glow is not temporary. These are the basics that keep the skin happy. The basics l’m inviting you to try out. Exfoliation Now that we have laid that out

of the way with hydrating our skin, it is important that we exfoliate our skin. Exfoliating simply removes dead skin cells thus creating way and room for other skin cells. What you use to rejuvenate your skin cells matters. Exfoliating can be done once or twice a week based on your facial routine. Furthermore it must be highlighted that moisturising your skin is as important as exfoliating. Finding the right moisturising cream for your skin and understanding how your skin reacts to it is very important as what happens to our skin is a reaction of what was applied to it. Consistency Being consistent pays off. As women we are always first to try the new method and product. Very often we do not get to enjoy the benefits of the product because we are always too quick to give a negative report. After an assessment of the skin type has been done, Organic Naturals will offer you a wide range of exfoliants based on the results. Below is a list of Organic Naturals Exfoliants and preferable skin types: • Oatmeal and Tea Tree Oil for all skin types • Honey and Rooibos for 20

Normal and Dry Skin • Honey and Green Tea for Oily and Acne prone skin • Shea Butter and Oatmeal pressed with tea tree oil for mature skin • Honey and Brown Sugar for Acne prone Skin It also offers • Green tea and Applecider vinegar suitable for Acne

Prone and Oily skin • Green tea and tea tree oil suitable for acne prone and sensitive skin • Rooibos and Apple-cider vinegar suitable got Oily and dry skin • Rooibos and Vitamin E suitable for normal and dry skin Currently, Organic Naturals products are ordered then delivered through the Facebook pages: Organic Naturals or through Didintle Moreki

D EA R

GIRL

IT’S O KAY TO NOT HAVE DRAWN U P YOU R BUCKET LIST YET. IT’S O KAY TO B E U NCERTAI N ABOUT WHAT 2018 HAS I N STO RE FO R YOU. IT’S ALSO O KAY TO NOT HAVE A PERFECTLY LOGICAL EXPLANATIO N AS TO HOW YOU SU RVIVED TH E STO RM THAT PASSED. H ERE’S WHAT MATTERS: YOU HAVE SU RVIVED AN D YOU HAVE A STO RY TO SHARE.

C H I L D, WORDS THE VILLAGE GIRL

APRIL/MAY 2018

DEAR GIRL CHILD, UNDERSTAND THAT STORMS HAVE A TENDENCY TO LEAVE PLACES DESOLATE BUT TEACH YOUR FEET TO DANCE ON THOSE RUBBLES. AFTER ALL, HE HAS A REPUTATION FOR MAKING BEAUTY OUT OF ASHES.

Dear Girl Child, It’s Okay. You may be thinking, “These are not the right words to share in the first quarter of the year”. I also know that these words may not immediately chase away the feelings of lostness you may be experiencing. I am completely aware that telling you “It’s okay” might not be informative as to which direction you ought to take, or what you ought to do next. However, Girl Child, I stand by my words: it will be okay. As a matter of fact, it is okay.

I AM COMPLETELY AWARE THAT TELLING YOU “IT’S OKAY” MIGHT NOT BE INFORMATIVE AS TO WHICH DIRECTION YOU OUGHT TO TAKE, OR WHAT YOU OUGHT TO DO NEXT

It’s okay to not have drawn up your bucket list yet. It’s okay to be uncertain about

what 2018 has in store for you. It’s also okay to not have a perfectly logical explanation as to how you survived the storm that passed. Here’s what matters: you have survived and you have a story to share.

SO, GIRL CHILD, NOT THAT YOU NEEDED PERMISSION, BUT DO KNOW THAT IT’S BEEN GRANTED TO YOU TO GO ON AHEAD AND SHARE YOUR STORY. Do tell of how the Good Lord came through for you; that on its own has power enough to loosen the grip fear has over you. Let fear know, “No, not

me, and not today.” I hope you learn to remember to trust in God. I hope you remember how God came through for you because your understanding of why it is okay fuels the basis of it being okay. I hope you will understand that you do not need a Facebook update to believe that 2018 will work out for you; simply lean in prayer and meditation of the Word. I pray you understand that it is okay because He will do it again. It is okay to believe that this phase is not the full story…this is not where it ends. This is temporary, so it’s okay. It’s okay because the phase is not the full story. -TheVillageGirl 2018

INFALLIBLE VIBRATIONS

TEMPLE

WORDS MMAKGOSI ANITA TAU

he human being is programmed to evolve throughout life. The physical, mental, spiritual and emotional composition of man was not intended to be a river that knows no flow or a season that knows no end. Growth is what keeps us in tact with our humanness. In a world undergoing constant change and ever so rigorously, one can’t help but fight for their authenticity and identity in Christ. Questions arise with every chaotic event, confusing spectacle and immoral trend set to alter the status quo. The human spirit is always shape shifting to build its muscle of resilience, forming a template for life that will set its mental agility to supersede any trial or tribulation. God is a genius, and the mind matters when it comes to one’s spiritual strength. When a tree is cut, the stem remains. Deforming this tree does not in any way take away its ability to grow.

your emotional structure, and rewired your mind-set. The truth is you’re not who you were when you were born. Life has presented many challenges to you but they cannot deplete you. They can attack you, challenge you, and beat you up, but your tormentors do not have the ability, capacity or authority to end you. They cannot finish you. They cannot destroy you. By virtue

Despite what the tree may look like to everyone around it, growth must happen. It's not for the tree to decide if it has the willpower to grow, nor is it a decision for those who see it in its dilapidated state. The master creator of all things on earth, God, is the only one who has the ability, capacity and authority to design a tree and give it the gift of regrowth. Just like this tree, time has changed you, transformed

of your submission and steadfast faithfulness to God, your concerns are not your own but His to deal with. We take a longer time to heal from self-harm than we do from external factors. It stings to feel like there is something more that you could have done and yet you didn’t. Essentially we are caretakers of our bodies, spirits, souls, hearts and minds.

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his is a task that we must be fully accountable for that we may live a balanced, fruitful and fulfilling life. I may liken you to this tree but remember, you are God’s most prized possession and you are certainly a delicate subject in His kingdom. When life positions you in the battlefield you need to be suited up in armour, built to lessen the impact of the enemy’s weapons on you. Your emotions are your responsibility. People perceive life differently and won’t always consider your feelings before they hurt you. Not everyone is considerate, or compassionate or empathetic. To worship God, a service of which the human being is designed for, one must be available both spiritually and physically. The Bible in Romans 12:1 reads, “Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.”

TO WORSHIP GOD, A SERVICE OF WHICH THE HUMAN BEING IS DESIGNED FOR, ONE MUST BE AVAILABLE BOTH SPIRITUALLY AND PHYSICALLY

TH E TRUTH IS YOU’RE NOT WHO YOU WERE WH EN YOU WERE BO RN. L I F E H A S P R ES E NTE D MA NY C HA LLE N G ES TO YO U B U T T H E Y C A N N OT D E P L E T E YO U .

Care for your body. Preserve yourself. Save yourself. Jesus Christ died on the cross of Calvary and resurrected. His body became a living sacrifice, an emblem of salvation that every believer must aspire to adopt in their own lives. We don’t literally have to carve a cross and nail ourselves to it. Jesus boldly carried all our misgivings and misfortunes when He stood in the gap for us. Purity is a principle that God encourages throughout the Bible. In 1 Thessalonians 5:23 the Bible reads, “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” You are not an afterthought to God, but bear in mind that you will not appeal to everyone. He made you intentionally to withstand adversity. The most honest state of worship in God is purity of body, mind and

spirit. Love life because it has something special for you. Believe in the promises of God for your life. 1 Corinthians 1:5 reads, “For in union with Christ you have become rich in all things, including all speech and all knowledge.” No one said it would be easy; there is a temporary leap you must make in order to fall on permanent glory. Leaning not on your own understanding will give you the willingness to receive the wealth of God. His power carries with it the grace to raise a triple standard against the enemy, his tactics and temptations.

LOVE LIFE BECAUSE IT HAS SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU. Believe in the promises of God for your life.

HAIR

I WOULD GO NATURAL BUT... WORDS MARGRET ZOEY KONIE

I HAVE BEEN NATURAL

ii) The Catagen Phase, where the hair kind of goes into rest mode in an attempt to renew itself, usually occurring when hair is damaged; iii) And lastly, the Telogen Phase, also known as shedding, where hair particles detach themselves from the root in order to grow new hair. As naturals, we tend to obsess over length instead of focusing on the health of our hair, which evidently affects the length.

for a little over three years, and something I’ve noticed on this journey is that there are a lot of myths that tend to scare people from going natural. Let us uncover some myths you may have about natural hair. 1. Natural hair causes hair to shrink and shrinkage is bad. FALSE. People tend to blow out their hair with heat (causing damage) because their hair shrunk after they washed it. My dear friend, your hair is supposed to shrink due to the moisture. It’s not bad at all. Depending on the hair type, when exposed to moisture, natural hair can shrink 5080%. It’s perfectly normal. If you desire natural hairstyles with stretched hair, there are plenty of protective styles you can do to stretch it without damaging it such as twist outs, banding, using rollers and stretching cream. 2. Natural hair stops growing after reaching a certain length. FALSE. Your hair is always growing in different phases. All hair growth goes through three cycles: i) The Anagen Phase, where your hair grows up to six inches a year or more, usually influenced by genetics; APRIL/MAY 2018

3. Natural hair is hard to maintain. FALSE. As a fulltime employee and a part time student, I rarely have time for my hair. I maintain my hair with an easy regime (see end of article) when I have long term protective styles such as faux locs and box braids, or short term protective styles like twists, neat high buns or crochet hairstyles. When my ‘fro is out, I usually do a wash-and-go because I’m still learning how to style my hair. 4.

Natural hair products are expensive. FALSE. I have had natural hair throughout college and for those who know me can attest that I’m a cheapskate. I have managed to mix my own products that work well with my hair with simple oils bought from a pharmacy or taken from the fridge. I have made my own 25

AS A FU LLTI M E EM PLOYEE AN D A PART TI M E STU DENT, I R A R E LY H AV E T I M E FO R MY H A I R. I MAI NTAI N MY HAI R WITH AN EASY REGI M E leave-in conditioners as well as protein treatments and spritz content. I usually save up for chemical free off-the-counter shampoos and curling custards. It’s advisable to buy products one at a time, instead of 50 products at once. They aren’t expensive, especially if they’ve been budgeted for. 5.

I don’t have good natural hair. FALSE. There’s no such thing as good and bad hair with hair types. Good hair is healthy hair. All natural hair is beautiful and unique. God was creative enough to design us with different hair types that have been classified from 1a-4c. Knowing your hair type is important because all hair types respond differently to products and regimes. What

works for 2a hair might not work for 3c hair. It’s important also to avoid comparing your natural hair texture with your favorite YouTube vlogger or the standards set by the media and society. Embrace your hair and love it! Now that you know the truth, throw away all those myths you’ve heard about natural hair and join the movement. DIY Spritz Bottle: Water (60%) 2 oils of your choice (15%) Moisturiser of choice (15%) Aloe Vera Extract (10%)

BOTLHE’S SECRETS A FEW SECRETS TO PROSPERITY

WORDS BOTLHE MAUCHAZA • Do NOT ever harbour offense. It’s crucial to grasp this as early as possible. Harbouring offense brings about deception, which quickly breeds an atmosphere of unforgiveness – an equal to treason in the Kingdom of God. • It is so critical to learn to listen to both sides of the story before drawing a conclusion. It is possible to carry an offense that is not based on the truth, thus leading back to the above point. • A wise friend once told me, “You cannot avoid conflict; it’s a part of both life and growth in relationships.” This opened my eyes to so much. A coward sweeps things under the rug for the sake of “peace”, which raises the question: “What is peace?” If Jesus is the Prince of Peace – which He is - why

to His will. I personally spend a significant amount of time thinking of Deborah in the Bible; her bravery inspires me to pursue God in to unchartered territories, even when this means going to places in my heart I would rather not revisit. Consider this a dare to strive to face and conquer the darkness in your life in the name of bravery and in pursuit of the

“P e a ce…i s a ste a dy i n t h e m i d st of t u r m o i l a n d sto r m s…” was He surrounded by so much drama? Perhaps, then, peace is not a feeling. Seriously ponder upon that. What then is true peace? It is a steady in the midst of turmoil and storms, and it also translates to strength and heroism, and directly to, and for you. I just know peace. In the midst of relational uncertainty, does ignoring things, or pretending they don’t exist, actually help? It might, but only for a short while. Pretty soon, resentment begins to creep in, followed by offense…and then APRIL/MAY 2018

back to the very first point. • This one is still a hard pill for me to swallow: offense is often linked to sin. Often when we are not living right, correction causes offenses. Try to always check yourself honestly by asking, “Why am I offended?” Dig to the root. Be driven by bravery; tell yourself you will not shrink into cowardice. In the name of bravery, ask God to give you the strength to live according 27

higher calling; God’s calling for you and me. If one day you and I look back to this life and realise that it was offense that held us back we would sadly realise how much of a cowardly life we would have lived. What matters is not what this world has dished out to you, but rather what you pick out of the Master’s plate, that is, His grace. Then step in to the limitless world and run toward Jesus.

PEARLS OF WISDOM

SPIRITUAL PARENTING (2) SPI RITUAL PARENTI NG... TH E BASIS FO R IT WORDS DR PEARL KUBE

THERE ARE SOME WHO WILL PLAY WITH SEMANTICS AND CLAIM THAT THERE IS NO BASIS FOR THE PRINCIPLE OF SPIRITUAL PARENTING BUT THERE IS A BASIS FOR “MENTORING”. 1 Corinthians 4:15 KJV says: “For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel.” If we examine 1 Corinthians 4:15, we will note that there is a clear differentiation between fatherhood and mentorship. There are many who reject the notion of fatherhood and merely subscribe to the principle of mentorship and leadership. In this scripture, Paul makes it clear that both exist and they are separate and distinct.

advice that has come from elders and spiritual parents. There are many associated dangers of not having a spiritual parent. Spiritual parents will help keep you accountable and will help to identify weaknesses that you yourself will not or cannot see. A good spiritual parent will focus on giving you a solid foundation in the teaching of God’s word

What are the principles that are enunciated in this portion of scripture? Principle 1) You can have many mentors and instructors but are not supposed to have many spiritual parents. I often hear people talking about having many spiritual mothers and/or fathers. This is not only unscriptural but is not healthy as it can not only result in you receiving conflicting advice, but can also create tension and conflicting loyalties. You need to decide who your spiritual parents are and after so doing, receive all others in your life as your mentors. Principle 2) Having a spiritual parent who is grounded in the Word of God and a person of solid character will help keep you grounded. Many Pastors and individuals who have gone astray are quite clearly individuals who happen to be spiritual “orphans” and either do not have godly men and women who speak into their lives or alternatively, they have rejected the godly

and in raising you to be a person of character. Spiritual parenting is not about providing contacts and connections for you to latch onto. You should not see your spiritual parent as just someone who is going to “open doors” for you and give you the platforms that God has given them. A spiritual parent is MUCH MORE than that. 28

CANCER

WORDS GOFAONE MOYO

I know you read the headline and thought what a hectic topic to start the year off with; but Cancer Day is celebrated early on in the year and I thought what better a time to discuss ways we can come together to fight this disease than now. Cancer. A disease that has broken hearts, homes and left despair. I don’t think I know anyone who hasn’t lost a loved one to cancer or prayed ceaselessly for a loved one who was undergoing treatment or was awaiting confirmation of whether they had cancer or not. Personally, I have found myself as a passenger in all those boats. Due to my experience, I thought about how many people in the world have been affected and whether they have the necessary information about this terrible disease. My research led me to the discovery of Cancer Day. Cancer Day is celebrated every year on the 4th of February. This year the theme was “We can. I can.” The message is centred around how as individuals we can make efforts to fight cancer and how we can collectively act to fight against cancer. I mean, with 8 million people projected to die APRIL/MAY 2018

THE MESSAGE IS CENTRED AROUND HOW AS INDIVIDUALS WE CAN MAKE EFFORTS TO FIGHT CANCER AND HOW WE CAN COLLECTIVELY ACT TO FIGHT AGAINST CANCER.

from cancer just in 2018 we surely have to do something to better our situation. So here are some tips on what to do individually. (I can): Lifestyle Choices We need to make good lifestyle choices which include eating a healthy diet and exercising. Furthermore, being aware and reading about carcinogens (cancer causing agents) like tobacco and avoiding them is a great start. Health Awareness Practise great hygiene standards. This includes (but is definitely not limited to) applying sun screen when exposed to the sun. Knowing the signs and symptoms of cancer to allow for early detection. If you discover something off or suspicious on your body, seek medical attention. After Diagnosis If your loved one has been diagnosed with cancer, offer them the necessary physical and emotional support. Educate yourself about 29

IT I S I M P O RTA NT FO R P EO P L E TO HAV E I N FO R MATI O N W ITH R EGA R D S TO W H E R E TH EY CA N G ET I N FO R MATI O N A B O U T CA N C E R; W H E R E TH EY CA N G ET S C R E E N E D A N D O N C E D I AG N O S E D, W H E R E TH EY CA N G ET ACC ES S TO SA F E A N D A F FO R DA B L E CA N C E R H EA LTH CA R E. their specific cancer; its impact, treatment and side effects of the treatment. Ask them how you can make this season of their life better. Encourage the cancer patient to resume to normal daily life (work) once they are feeling better. Below are ways in which “we can” make a difference: Access to Health Care It is important for people to have information with regards to where they can get information about cancer; where they can get screened and once

It is important to get teachers, gyms and other groups to come together in this fight against cancer at the level of advocating for improved behaviours in terms of healthy eating and exercise. Although the above guidelines seem quite simple and straightforward, one would wonder when was the last time we actually examined ourselves? Do we actually think we have a role to play in impacting the outcome of cancer in our communities? These should be questions we frequently ask

IF YOUR LOVED ONE HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER, OFFER THEM THE NECESSARY PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT THEIR SPECIFIC CANCER; ITS IMPACT, TREATMENT AND SIDE EFFECTS OF THE TREATMENT.

“We need to make good lifestyle choices which include eating a healthy diet and exercising” diagnosed, where they can get access to safe and affordable cancer health care. This is a role that involves community leaders, doctors, nurses, other health professionals and the community working together. Government Policies It is up to us as a community to push our leaders to change policies, allocate more resources to cancer treatment and research to ensure the number of deaths due to this disease are reduced. Community Activism

ourselves. For this year’s Cancer Day, I committed myself to praying for survivors, sufferers, the loved ones of those affected, health professionals and the community to rise up against cancer. Furthermore, I took it upon myself to make up part of the community that supports the fight against this disease; what will you do to fight against this joy stealer cancer?

WAYS TO GET MORE DONE THIS YEAR

EDUCATION AND CAREER

WORDS MASS BOKAMOSO

2017 is gone and 2018 is here. We have new set resolutions and some carried forward from the previous year. We are all of the hope that 2018 will be different and more resolutions will be knocked off our list. However, for that to happen, we then need to change the way we approached the past year. Throughout this article, I will share with you a few steps you can take to get more achieved this year (whether it be at school or at work).

APRIL/MAY 2018

ACH I EVI N G M O R E

1. Write your goals down and put them where you will see them more often This works magic I tell you! The physical act of writing down your goals and keeping them where you see them every day helps in the process of imprinting your goals in your mind and, in so doing, making them a part of you. It’s also there to remind you of where you are going and in that, you get motivated to keep going even when the going gets tough. This probably explains why most of our new year’s resolutions are never fulfilled. It’s because we usually think of them and never write them down and when the going gets tough, we forget them and do what we think is best at that moment, even if it derails us from the path to our goal.

2. Get a head start on tomorrow If you want to get more done this year, you will need to make time to plan your days ahead. The easiest way to plan your day ahead is with the use of a daily planner or to-do-list. In order for you to take charge and to effectively manage your time and life, a daily planner or a to-do list is no longer IT’S BECAUSE WE a housewife’s superpower but a full proof way of USUALLY THINK accomplishing tasks. In the OF THEM AND smartphone era we’re in, having a daily planner has become easier NEVER WRITE as apps are galore. Having a daily THEM DOWN AND planner will ensure that you stay WHEN THE GOING on track with your to-do and for every completed task, you cross it GETS TOUGH, WE off. This will also bring a sense of FORGET THEM achievement seeing all those tasks being crossed off. AND DO WHAT 3. Find Your Zone Everyone has their prime time during the day, the time where you are totally in your zone. I know mine is in the early mornings around 4:00 (all of the Diamond

WE THINK IS BEST AT THAT MOMENT.

Unearthed articles were written at that hour). Find out when that time is for you and try to capitalise on that time to knock off very important things on your to-do list. 4. Hide your phone A research from the University of Southern Maine found out that simply having your phone on your desk distracts you during complex tasks. From my observation, I believe the above findings to be 100% correct. 5. Take a break from everything The reality is school, work, and life in general, are tiresome. Taking a break from them every now and then is necessary for you. It is not just necessary for the wellbeing of our bodies and souls, but a real need if the goal

“YOU BECOME SO PRODUCTIVE AT ONE THING JUST TO AVOID THE OTHER. CREATIVE AVOIDANCE IS SO DANGEROUS BECAUSE IT COVERS ITS TRACKS BY CREATING THE ILLUSION THAT YOU ARE MAKING PROGRESS.” is to get more done this year. You will agree with me when I say you get less done when you are tired. 6.

Be careful of the following time stealers:

a. The Internet: A great blessing but one that can be a curse if misused. You need to discipline yourself to not get carried away but to keep the focus on that which you had intended to achieve. The truth is, with pop-ups, you can easily get carried away and find yourself spending hours going through meaningless things. So it is wise to download a pop-up blocker and install it in your browser. b. Creative Avoidance: This might sound a bit like procrastination, but it’s not. This is a different beast altogether. It involves finding a million other problems to solve in avoidance of the main important task. You become so productive at one thing just to avoid the other. Creative avoidance is so dangerous because it covers its tracks by creating the illusion that you are making progress.

It lets you feel productive without prioritising. c. Procrastination: There is a poem I like called Killing The Snooze Button by X. In the poem, the poet talks about how he always has a bad day if he snoozed his alarm that morning. Simply put, procrastination breeds trouble. This is especially true if you fail to prioritise the important things that need to be done right away.

TIME = LIFE, THEREFORE WASTE YOUR TIME AND WASTE YOUR LIFE, OR MASTER YOUR TIME AND MASTER YOUR LIFE. - Alan Lakein -

â&#x20AC;&#x153;When all my endeavor is turned toward You because all Your endeavor is turned toward me; when I look unto You alone with all my attention, nor ever turn aside the eyes of my mind, because You do enfold my with Your constant regard; when I direct my love toward You alone because You, who are Loveâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s self have turned The toward me alone. And what, Lord, is my life, save that embrace in which Your delightful sweetness does so lovingly enfold me?

- Nicholas of Cusa -

PURITY REVELATION

CHRIST JESUS MAKES THE DIFFERENCE WORDS DAWN GUEVARA

THERE ARE DIFFERENT POINTS in oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life where it is a time of reflection, where hardship and difficulty has overwhelmed us with fear. The single pregnant mothers that are currently being housed by Lotus Loft Maternity Housing struggle with feelings of loneliness and hopelessness. Of course women who are with child need support. However, they struggle with where their lives have led them.

We are a compassionate ministry, however, we address core issues by the choices that have been made. Granted, there are fathers out there as well. Consequently, with that said, all the ladies that Lotus Loft has provided housing for, the relationships between the mothers and the fathers are non-existent. Some have restraining orders in place due to abuse, and some mothers are pregnant from sexual trauma. As the mothers sit in their rooms feeling heartbroken, it is almost like drug addicts withdrawing from a major drug as they sit detoxing from what they once knew. Pregnancy was meant to be an enjoyable time with a husband, filled with financial stability, an exciting baby shower, and a memorable birth experience. However, these women are being cared for by a Christian ministry. Some say that without Lotus Loft, they would be dead at the hands of their abuser, or some say they would be homeless, many say they would have aborted their children. Each week as we walk into church tears flood their faces as the power of Holy Spirit is evident. Through different classes within Lotus Loft, we begin heavy impartation into their lives. They begin with a new kick in their step. They begin creating and dreaming of a new future, that with God is possible. They begin to know their worth and identity in Christ. They begin holding and speaking to their children with a positive effective impact. They begin carrying themselves differentlyâ&#x20AC;Ś Yet the only thing that makes the difference is Christ! As they begin to understand His love, His hope, His future, there is a shift of transformed thinking. And just because situations looked bleak at one time, it does not mean that God has not shifted the circumstances APRIL/MAY 2018

as time moved forward. Life is so tough, and without God, it is that much more difficult. As you grow in the Lord you begin to carry substance to why you were created in the image and likeness of Him. At Lotus Loft Maternity Housing, since we are housing families for a limited time during pregnancy, it is about an experience, encounters with God that occur for such a time as this. It is about changing the dynamic and the legacy of that family forever. The beautiful part is that Jesus is available to all of us!

EACH WEEK AS WE WALK INTO CHURCH TEARS FLOOD THEIR FACES AS THE POWER OF HOLY SPIRIT IS EVIDENT.

A scan from one of the expecting motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s. Visible is the growing baby.

W E A R E H O U S I N G FA M I L I ES FO R A LI M ITED TI M E DU RI NG PREGNANCY

of the ladies from 02 Two the house. group of mothers and 03 Achildren in the house.

RELATIONSHIPS

THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE: GOOD COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE WORDS PS. LYDIAH MOSIMEGI

LOVE IS

a beautiful gift from God that allows two or more people to show affection and care for one another without attaching conditions to it. However, love is fragile and seeks to be nurtured. It can easily be lost once there is conflict or there are barriers in communication between spouses. Communication is a wheel that drives their relationship. Love has a language, and a language is a process of communication. Love has got to be communicated verbally and by deeds. The direction that the lives of a man and a woman in marriage takes may be determined by how they reach out to one another and how they deal with differences or conflict. Communication, in my opinion, should be a three-way process between the man, the woman and God. The analogy of a triangle explains it best. God is at the top corner of the triangle and the husband and wife on either corners of the triangle. God is at the centre of our lives. He created a man and a woman and created marriage. He also created the language that we use to communicate. It therefore goes without saying that all communication has to involve Him, in order for it to stay disciplined and effective. God is the head of the family; the husband is the head of the woman. Whenever spouses address one another, they should remember that God is listening in on their conversation. Effective communication becomes possible where two people leave the ‘SELF’ and recognise and respect the ‘WE’. Once that has been achieved, it is no longer about you, but about your partner as well, and about other people that come into the picture: children, relatives, in-laws, and even friends. Once they have learnt how to address one another in an ‘ideal’ manner, they may know know how to APRIL/MAY 2018

resolve conflicts. Partners need to learn what the other likes or doesn’t like. This is where the famous ‘compromise’ comes in. Being able to be considerate of your spouse’s feelings and desires helps one to know how to communicate their own needs and desires. One of the greatest necessities of communication is listening. Partners have to learn to listen, and give the other the benefit of the doubt that they may be right. None of the spouses can be right all the time. Listening gives one an opportunity to get the right information and all the facts right. This can prevent a lot of heartache, in the event of communication breakdown. Following are some tips on effective communication. The list of course, is never exhaustive. If you and your spouse have a disagreement, explain what is bothering you in a non-accusatory manner. Use all the restraint you can muster to not say ‘You never’ or ‘you always’. Use discretion sometimes. Not everything in your head needs to be said. Ask yourself if what you are about to say will help or hurt your relationship.

NONE OF THE SPOUSES CAN BE RIGHT ALL THE TIME. LISTENING GIVES ONE AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET THE RIGHT INFORMATION AND ALL THE FACTS RIGHT.

Have an attitude of gratitude. When either of you does something nice for the other – lets you sleep while they watch the baby, washes the dishes when its your turn – take a second to show appreciation. Even if you are just saying “thank you” for the small stuff, it can go a long way in solidifying your relationship. Never respond when you are angry – leave the room or the house if you need to cool off. Find a way to let your partner know that you are angry. Once you have both calmed down, resume the conversation. The best way to fully understand what your spouse is saying, is to ask clarifying questions like, “You said… Is that correct?” This will give your spouse the opportunity to either clarify or agree. The goal is to always communicate with a calm, level head. Express your needs and wants clearly. Be specific and don’t take it for granted that he or she has read your mind or can guess what you want. Oftentimes many couples find themselves having challenges in the area of communication and sometimes realise that too much has been said and it cannot be undone. No wrong can fix another wrong. Irreparable damage can be done to a marriage if two people cannot find the right way of fixing the broken communication lines. The following tips may be employed to try and rebuild the ailing communication lines. Use “I” statements when communicating what you are feeling. This stops you from sounding like you are blaming your spouse, which can make them feel attacked and take the discussion to a more negative level. If you say, for example, “I need you to inform me when you make a decision concerning our money,” your spouse cannot argue with that. This way, no blame is communicated, only the feeling or the need that you want the other person to consider. Listen and don’t interrupt: Usually, when a disagreement arises between a couple, the biggest problem is that nobody really listens to the other person; everyone is merely waiting for their turn to talk. Look out for telltale signs in the person’s body language, for hints on their thoughts and feelings, and never take a reaction for granted. By the way, active listening also means you must stop doing anything else besides giving your undivided attention to your spouse. No texting, phone calls or doing your nails, etc. Stop and listen. When you have understood what is affecting your spouse, it is then your turn to talk. When communicating with your spouse, if you have any doubt about what has just been said, or you are still unsure about what is making them upset, ask. It’s worse to assume something that is wrong and then jump to the wrong conclusion. You have heard this before: don’t bring up the past. Stick to

the discussion at hand and don’t relate the present issue with “that time when you lent your brother money behind my back”. Doing so will just get the ball rolling for another heated argument, giving you now two issues to resolve. Acknowledge first, explain later. One of the best ways to keep things from escalating from a simple disagreement to a full-fledged fight is to first listen and acknowledge the other person’s feelings (e.g. I know you are upset because I forgot our anniversary), and later explain your position (I have been swamped at work lately, I promise to make it up to you). Good communication is the bedrock of every happy home. Couples owe it to one another to go the extra mile for one another. After all, they are in it for the long haul.

YO U R FR I EN DS AR E YO U R

MENTORS

“FRIENDSHIPS ARE CONSIDERED PEER-TO-PEER MENTORSHIP; IN AS MUCH AS YOUR FRIENDS ARE MENTORING YOU, YOU ARE ALSO MENTORING THEM.” WORDS NOMPENDULO SHABANGU APRIL/MAY 2018

FR I E N DS are also considered your mentors. One of the primary definitions of a mentor is someone who gives you counsel. I believe we can all agree that we receive the most counsel from our friends because they are the people we spend the most time with. One of the most popular verses that is often quoted on friends and friendship is PROVERBS 27:17, “IRON SHARPENS IRON, SO ONE MAN SHARPENS ANOTHER.”

Your friends are the people whose ideas and character will rub off on you more than most people, most times. From the time we are children and start attending school, the people with whom we spend the most time are our friends. It is often said, “You are the sum total of the five people you spend the most time with.” Let that sink in. Think about the people you spend a lot of time with, the people you laugh with and shed tears with. People who hold your hand when you are feeling weary and like you can no longer go on; people who encourage you. It’s very important to acknowledge who these people are and to consider whether or not they are adding value into your life, or if they are taking away from you. Friendships are a gift from God, I B ELI EVE WE CAN but if they deter us from His calling upon our lives, then we might just ALL AGREE THAT need to re-evaluate. Friendships are considered peerto-peer mentorship; in as much as your friends are mentoring you, you are also mentoring them. 2 Corinthians 6:14 cautions against being unequally yoked; this is a scripture that is often associated with love relationships, but it applies in pretty much all our relationships, including our friendships. 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, “Bad company corrupts good character.” It might not be easy to see at the very beginning, but eventually your

W E R EC E I V E TH E M OST CO U N S E L F R O M O U R FR I EN DS B ECAUSE TH EY ARE TH E PEO PLE WE SPEN D TH E MOST TI M E WITH

character is moulded to align to people you spend the most time with. A lot of goals you desire to achieve this year may just fall or rise upon the friendships you keep. Some friendships are considered casual, such as the people you usually spend a lot of time with at the office, you may not realise it, but they influence you much more than you think. Make sure you are being influenced by people of good character and who desire to see you fulfil all that God has in store for you.