A Wealth of Wellness

DOES YOUR LIFE SPARK JOY?

If your idea of a good time is reading a wellness or self-help book on your next train or plane journey, then now must be an amazing time to be alive. A cursory glance at the shelves in any bookstore will show a glut of such titles, some possessing edgy titles like those of Sarah Knight with ‘Get your S**t Together’, and ‘Calm the F**k Down’ (asterisks authors own). These and similar titles must be flying off the shelves, as they appear to take up half the stock on offer, and rents can’t be cheap.

It’s been a long road since the first popular book of the genre, How to Make Friends and Influence People, was published back in 1936, and our bookcases have been groaning since. But there is a new sheriff in town, offering a wonderful life, requiring less effort than reading a book and promising a sense of wellness with every purchase. Welcome Netflix.

A quick scroll through their titles will show a raft of documentaries and series dedicated to helping you fix your life. Not that there’s anything wrong with you of course, but things could be better, right?

Marie Kondo is leading the charge against hording, whilst the popular Fab Five from Netflix are helping lovely people who need a spruce-up. But whilst it’s great to only have things that ‘spark joy’ in your home, what is left after a brutal clear-out, and will you still possess any underwear? Or plain T-Shirts? Or your children?

Obviously popular (generally publishers and producers don’t invest in loss-making TV shows or books), does this new wave of self-help indicate we’re no closer to real happiness. Although there is an undeniable after-glow when watching these shows (I would defy anyone to not watch s1e1 of Queer Eye without getting misty), do these shows and books offer help, or hinder?

The downside is of course, that no generic advice fits everyone. For every person inspired by the ‘Life Changing Magic of not Giving a F**k’, there is another, wondering what’s wrong with them, and why do they have to care so much. Anecdotal evidence tells us that if someone has two self-help books, they probably have another eight on their bookshelf, so even though people might be inspired in the moment, they stay on a treadmill chasing happiness.

What is fuelling this crisis of perceived happiness? It’s probable that social media is playing a key role. A study in 2017 showed that the more people used Facebook, the worse they felt – mentally and physically. Constant exposure to the lives of others shows us what we don’t have, and makes us wonder – why not? Don’t I deserve this too?

Another unintended consequence of social media is the oftreported echo chamber. When you use social media, algorithms learn what you like and show you more of the same to keep you engaged and on the platform longer. Your friends generally think the same as you, and when you meet people online through the things you like, they’ll generally share your opinions as well. Your viewpoint is constantly being reinforced. We can see for ourselves how swiftly this has meant rational discourse becomes a mud-slinging contest. When the only news you see reinforces your views, does this mean that those who disagree are idiots?

So here we are, surrounded by idiots that don’t agree with us, shown things that we want and feel we deserve – and yet can’t have, being bombarded by quickfix self-help and wellness materials we’re encouraged to buy. We know there is a happiness crisis; life coach Ches Moulton knows as well; “it’s what most people say to me when they come to a session; when I ask what their goal is, they want to be happy” says Ches.

What do we do? If nothing changes, it will stay the same; this was often heard in my home growing up and has had a lasting impression. This seems obvious, but if your job makes you depressed and you don’t quit, you’ll still be depressed and working there in five years. It seems we know what we need to do, but don’t always have the tools to accomplish it.

Is coaching the answer? Life/business/ professional coaches are big business, and they are much in demand. Coaching is personal, tailored to the individual with an ultimate goal for you to achieve your ambitions. Of course, it’s a bit more expensive than the £7.99 ‘buy one get one half price’ offers in WH Smith, and we want to know if it’s worth it before we invest.

It seems far more likely coaching will be successful in helping people achieve what they want to, the same way that learning a language or instrument will be more likely if someone is going to regular lessons. It’s probably not about the financial investment; many of us possess both gym memberships and cobweb covered trainers. People don’t like feeling naughty, and they don’t like feeling that they’ve let someone down. Regular meetings with someone who believes in you, who is working to help you, means that it’s more likely you’ll do you metaphorical homework.

Stepping into the world of coaching can be difficult; you need to decide what you want help with, you need the funds and time to complete the work, and you need to know who to choose. A google search will reveal many near you, and all with different systems. Some, like Ches, work with an end in mind – achievable goals in a 12-week program. Others promote an ongoing relationship.

If you’re feeling flush, you might want to consider calling Michael Serwa. Based in London he prides himself on being the highest paid life coach in the UK (the USA is still leading the way on this point) charging clients up to £30,000 a year for his services. Speaking to recipients of life coaching, it seems it can be transformative – helping people achieve their goals and re-focus on their lives – as well as strategies for when things go wrong. If you are struggling to change what makes you miserable, or want to take the next step towards something more fulfilling, it can’t hurt to have a cheerleader in the corner offering you advice.

It seems that for tools to help you manage your life, TV and books might, for once, not be the answer. Perhaps it’s time to stop looking for an easy fix, and to invest as much time in yourself as you would in others. If you are doing well, and want to do better, be happier, more fulfilled and more successful, it might just be time to look up your local life coach. After all, it’s all very well working all hours God sends, but if you get to the end of the week and collapse, you’re no good to no one.

When asked the main benefits of having a life coach, Ches responds immediately “Clarity, direction and improved creativity.” Tough to get that from decluttering your wardrobe.