PURE ESCAPISM
GET YERSELF A REFRESHING BEVERAGE, SIT BACK, RELAX AND ENJOY!
DEAR MAMA COLUMN Move over, Abby. MAMA’S GOT THIS!
A LIMERICK FOR JENSEN D'ya think he's reading this? Hope he's ready to be WOOED BY POETRY!
POLISH & BEAUTY EXPO MAD LIBS TOP MEMES OF 2023
From the Archives of Instagram's "Meme Queen" and @diann.eason DEC 2023 ISSUE NO. 1
TAKE THIS PREMIERE ISSUE AND SELL IT ON EBAY! MAKE MILLIONS!. OR OKAY. FINE. NOTHING. YOU'LL MAKE NOTHING.
F O E L B A
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A LIMERICK FOR JENSEN
'Cause you hafta get ACKLES'D!!
DEAR MAMA COLUMN
Straight talk from a straight shooter
POLISH & BEAUTY EXPO MAD LIBS
Time for some old school mad libs!
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TOP 10 MEMES OF 2023 You can haz memes!
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PURE ESCAPISM By DiAnn Eason
Contributors Allen Campbell
Debra
Amy @WigginOut_Nails
Erin S
Anabell @a.nails.bell
Grace (@viperlovr)
Anna (@ongle.terre)
@hassinene
Michelle, Wonder of Wonders, Person You WISH You Could Be
Anon Tom
@itschriisty
@nails_nw2, Über Friend
Anonymous
@jackie88m
Anonymous
Nate @myguynails
Janel
Baby Bear's Mother
RLT
Kate
Robin Z. (@furicious)
Kelly of @kellysnailsrpretty
@SemplyNailingIt
@keske_nails
Stacy AKA @kzoobeergirl
Bawk Bawk CHICKEN Fan's Mom Becca (aka hellobeccabear) Becca @polished.becks Becky M Chelsea of CC Poesy
Kotiki @laurabolen07 (AKA Wonder Woman) Lex B
Lisa B Maureen @glamour_n_nail
Sherri @sugarkitnails tessa.s.tips Ulyana Petkova Valerie Wendidimus
Special Acknowledgements
Becca @polished.becks Erin S
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From the Editor
Hiya and welcome to Pure Escapism! Now before you do anything else, do you have a refreshing beverage right there beside you? No? It’s okay. I’ll wait. Got it? Good! Are you sittin’ someplace comfy? I want ‘cha comfy. Maybe snuggled up with a cozy blanket or somethin’. ‘Cause this right here? This is ME TIME. Pure Escapism is all about the funsies. You won’t find any drama in here or anything serious (that MAMA WON’T FIX RIGHT UP)! In this issue, you’ll enjoy a reliably horrendous limerick about the swoonworthy Jensen Ackles. Wanna know the Top 10 Memes of 2023? We got 'cha covered! Other shenanigans are sprinkled throughout. My hope is this magazine will take your mind off your troubles for a few moments and help you smile! Maybe even laugh.
DiAnn Eason EDITOR-IN-GLEE
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Pure Escapism is all about the funsies... My hope is this magazine will take your mind off your troubles for a few moments and help you smile! Maybe even laugh.
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"In this first issue, I had a lot of fun coming up with ideas for what was originally gonna be a newsletter. Then I thought that sounded boring and that a magazine is more fun to (virtually) flip through. So I got to work designing it and, of course, writing it. I have more ideas that I hope to create in future issues, but we'll see how this first one goes." - DiAnn
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IT'S JENSEN AAAAACKLES. NOT ECKLES. WE KNOW THAT NOW. BUT THE MAN STILL REMAINS A MYSTERY. JUST AS A FOR INSTANCE, WHY'S HE HIDING BEHIND THAT BEARD?
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DiAnn works very hard on these limericks. AND YET, they're consistently terrible. Also of note, she's begun talking about herself in third person.
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Is this limerick good? No. Is it a limerick? Sort of? It's the kind of limerick you've come to expect from me. Err... from DiAnn.
Despite the beard, Mr. Ackles is still mighty easy on the eyes.
It's time. Time to AMAZE you with another masterpiece of modern day poetry. K. Here goes. We'd be remiss if we don't mention That hot young man. Yep, we mean Jensen. He needs a hair cut. Could lose the beard but He passes our stringent inspection. 6
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M A R M A A E D Is Here! MOVE OVER, ABBY! MAMA'S HERE TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS!
Meet MAMA. The 52-year-old broad with a 30year-old, outdated, useless psychology degree. SHE'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S UP! Have a problem? Send it to MAMA at sendtodiann@gmail.com. BUT KEEP IT LIGHT! WE'RE HERE TO ESCAPE! NOT TO SOLVE THAT BEEF YOU'VE GOT WITH YER MOTHER-IN-LAW!
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EAR MAMA, I've got a beef with my motherin-law. She visits my husband and me every Christmas and all she does is criticize me and my way of doing things. Why can't she just let me be? Signed, Overly Scrutizined
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EAR OVERLY SCRUTIZINED, Well, the first thing you gotta do when your MIL comes for Christmas this year IS TO TELL HER TO STFU!! YOUR HOUSE, YOUR RULES! If she sasses you, you SASS HER RIGHT BACK!
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Love and Blueberry Bagels,
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If your husband won't talk with his mom about this, then we gotta start thinking about BURYING THEM BOTH IN THE BACKYARD! How long does it take ya to dig a hole, Ms. Scrutizined? May want to begin the excavation now.
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Before she arrives, talk with your husband and make him aware of this annoying habit of hers. He needs to back you up and tell his mom that sure, you may do things differently than she does, but the criticism's got to stop because IT'S DAMAGING THE HOUSEHOLD'S CALM. If she refuses, well then, she can just FA-LA-LA-LA-LEAVE!
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O G T U T A O Y
Problem? TELL MAMA ALL ABOUT IT!
Seriously. You can tell MAMA. Just don't be surprised if her solution involves stuff that could send you down the river. She's frank and abrupt and she's got solutions that'll work! (DISCLAIMER: HER ADVICE IS MEANT FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY. AS IN, DON'T TAKE IT!).Wanna hear MAMA'S perspective? Write to her at sendtodiann@gmail.com and she just may answer you in the next issue of Pure Escapism!
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POLISH & BEAUTY EXPO MAD LIBS YOU KNOW 'EM. (MAYBE.) YOU LOVE 'EM. (HOPEFULLY.) MAD LIBS!
Grab yourself a fun buddy and get ready for giggles as you DROWSILY (adverb) come up with a PERKY (adjective) story about your SAUCY (adjective) trip to the VOLUPTUOUS (adjective) Polish & Beauty Expo! 10
That's right! We're going WAY back to MAD LIBS! Or maybe they're still around. I dunno. Am I gonna look it up? And RUIN THE MYSTERY? Pfft, no! If you're not familiar with Mad Libs, here's how it works. Read these instructions, but then STOP IN YER TRACKS. Go no further. Farther? Further. Oh whatever. Find a buddy who can look at the rest of this FOR YOU. Now remember, this is Me Time, so make sure this is a Worthy Buddy. When said buddy reaches a blank space followed by a type of word, ask them to ASK YOU for the type of word and then fill in the blank with your answer. Here's an example. My Untrieds are _________ (adjective). If I don't start wearing them soon, I'll transform into a ________ (adjective) _________ (noun). I played this round. Don't worry. I've been electrocuted 23 times. I won’t remember what I wrote. My Untrieds are funsies (adjective). If I don't start wearing them soon, I'll transform into a dizzy (adjective) hieroglyphic (noun). Got the idea? Okkies! Go find yerself a partner! Let's play!
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DO NOT PROCEED 'TIL YOU HATH A BUDDY. Hi buddy! Please ask your friend for the type of word listed after the blanks and fill in those blanks with the words they choose. When you two crazy kids get done, please read the entire thing to your pal and see what y'all came up with! Let's begin!
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M A E D LI H T B T S E L
When you arrive at the Polish & Beauty Expo, you spot some friends from Instagram & _________ (adverb) exclaim, "______________ (favorite exclamation or expletive)! You look _________ (adjective) and your nails look _________ (adjective)!" You and your friends _________ (verb) to the booths, buying as many _________ (plural noun) as you can fit in your _________ (noun). And then you see it. _________ (name of your favorite indie nail polish brand, who may or may not actually attend the Expo), the _________ (positive adjective) indie brand in the entire _________ (noun - something huge)! You _________ (verb) over to the creator of your favorite indie nail polish brand and give them a _________ (noun). Thanking them for their __________ (adjective) _________ (plural noun), you peruse their _________ (adjective) selection of polishes. At this point, you're out of cash. You whip out a credit card, vowing to sell all of your _________ (plural noun) when you get home to make back some money. Worth it! You buy every _________ (noun) you want and feel _________ (adjective) about it! Dreams really do come true! You are so _________ (adjective) and vow to return next year!
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BEGIN!
"I was on a quest for the perfect top coat and tried over 30 brands. When I applied CC Poesy's Impact Topcoat, I knew my search was over." - DiAnn Eason
SUBSCRIBERS OF THE FIRST ISSUE OF PURE ESCAPISM GET 20% OFF CC POESY'S IMPACT TOPCOAT, PLUS FREE CUTICLE OIL IF THEY LIST THE SCENT THEY WANT DURING CHECKOUT. USE DISCOUNT CODE ESCAPE20. GOOD THROUGH JANUARY 31, 2024. ONE USE ONLY. ADVERTISEMENT
TOP TEN MEMES OF 10 2023 FROM THE VAULTS OF BOTH "THE MEME QUEEN," INSTAGRAM'S @ONGLE.TERRE (ANNA) AND @DIANN.EASON (ME), COME THE BEST MEMES OF THE YEAR! (DISCLAIMER: D'YA KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO NARROW DOWN THE LIST TO JUST TEN MEMES? THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER MEMES OUT THERE THAT BELONG ON THIS LIST. I'M JUST SAYIN'.)
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What do YOU think? Do these memes crack YOU up? Or hath you seen them one too many times in our social media stories?
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PURE ESCAPISM GIVEAWAY!
I'm giving away a Limited Edition bottle of Bee's Knees Lacquer's Maui, Cuticula's Cinque Base Coat (The Best Base Coat Evah) and CC Poesy's Impact Topcoat (The Best Topcoat Evah)! Alas, I can only offer them to folks who live in the continental US 'cause of federal laws regarding shipping flammable stuff. But I put all qualifying subscribers on a wheel randomizer (AKA The Wheel of Doom ) and spun the wheel to determine our winner!
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I'll email the winner to get the necessary details to send them their prizes! If I don't hear back from them by December 31st, 2023, I'll give The Wheel of Doom another spin.
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Our lucky winner is...
Kelly of @kellysnailsrpretty!
IS THIS NOT FOR YOU? DOES THIS FEEL LESS LIKE ESCAPISM AND MORE LIKE CLUTTER IN YOUR LIFE?
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WELL, THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF MY GOAL! IF THIS IS THE CASE, PLEASE DON'T HESITATE TO LET ME KNOW! YOU WON'T HURT MY FEELINGS. HONEST.
To unsubscribe JUST DROP ME A QUICK EMAIL. YOU DON'T HAFTA SAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN "UNSUBSCRIBE." I WON'T LOVE YOU ANY LESS. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIVING THIS A WHIRL!
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I HOPE YOU ENJOYED PURE ESCAPISM