On The Track: Chaos Canyon

by Christopher Kidder-Mostrom

The new track at Chaos Canyon is finally getting its first full-fledged tournament, and it is huge.

Prior to this week, activity at the new track has been limited to a mini-tourney of four cars, and some shenanigans performed by resident daredevil Stuntman Sam.

Even with no major tournament going on, there wasn’t a shortage of content. Stuntman Sam took a four-wheeler ATV (called a quadbike in New Zealand parlance) over a row of food trucks. He also jumped a Porsche onto the back of of a flatbed tow truck,which then drove away with its new cargo.

Both were impressive stunts, to be sure. And the latter one started to establish a story line that Stuntman Sam and fan-favorite driver Grandma may be involved at a more meaningful level. That’s a story that gets more treatment in the most recent two videos. More on that in a second.

So, the new tournament is massive. It’s a 64-car NASCAR tournament. Eight cars run the track at the same time. Now, mind you, this is still a divided two-lane track for much of its length, which means that when the cars escape the space that would normally accommodate half as many vehicles, the explode into the open track and right over the Cayon’s infamous jump. The crevasse that was once there has now been repaired, but the jump itself remains. And the cars go every which way. Which is one of the many reasons that this series is so aptly named “NAS-Carnage”.

One of the things that make me really happy about how this series is being run, is that 59 of the 64 drivers are first-timers – that is, rookies. There are five drivers involved in the tournament who have ever driven at Chaos Canyon before. Kudos to the Canyon for giving a shot to a whole slue of new drivers. One of the best ways to keep the sport growing is to give newcomers a real shot at being an active part of the action.

With most of the veterans sitting out this go-’round, there is a fleet of drivers trying to prove themselves. That’s exciting.

More excitement comes from the new rules for this tournament. Cars are now eliminated if they land on their roof (without rolling back onto their wheels), or if they fly off the track. There’s no longer the possibility that a dashingly handsome driver will veer wildly off the track and fall the scale equivalent of seven stories or more only to be declared miraculously okay to drive the next lap (note: the author of this piece is not admitting to having been that driver in the past... It was me).

In the first two groups of the new tournament, only three cars total remained at the end of the round.

Husband and wife team, Kit Kayem and Xanthippe each exited their respective groups early, Kit earlier than his bride. Kit’s exit marks the first of the veterans to go. Grandma was in the same group as Kayem, but she managed to stay active in her old age and come away with the group win.

One of the advancing drivers is from Bichon Racing. Her name? Lily the Dog. Sounds like a bitch to me. (Insert groan sfx here).

Aside from Lily the Dog and Grandma, Herman the German of Red Baron Racing is the only survivor of the first two groups.

Most of the laps in the second group didn’t even have anyone finish. Merely surviving seems to be the primary goal. If you can outlive your competitors, you may be lucky enough to make a complete run down the course solo, or in the company of one other car.

I’ve really never seen anything like this. I can’t wait to see the next installment.

It’s difficult to identify any specific vehicle traits that will prove successful in this tournament. We won’t see a trial run from any of the drivers before we see them in the group stage. And within the group stage it’s a challenge to assess any beneficial characteristics that could carry a car to victory.

Oh! A quick note about Grandma and Sam. Comments at the end of Group Two hinted at them being romantically involved, and the most recent episode of Stuntman Sam (which came out today, so no spoilers) implied that she would trust that man with her life. I expect the story to unfold further in the next round of the tournament. Really, it’s the only thing I’m sure of.