BEING COMMUNIT Y LOVING SELF

I love this poem and I love the way it describes community. I have a yearning to be part of the community that this poem speaks of. Unfortunately, though, I don’t think such a community exists. And the reason it doesn’t exist is because of, well, people.

A poem by Starhawk

The ideal of a community where everyone belongs and feels valued and loved and fully able to be free, to succeed and be celebrated, to fail and be held, is the kind of community Paul talked about in his Letter to the Romans, Chapter 12. In this chapter, Paul is reminding the church in

Rome that there is a place for everyone in the community – that there is no need for egos to complete with each other. We all we all have different gifts and it is in the richness of the combination of those varied gifts that life-giving community is to be found. Because of this, there is a level of responsibility on each individual person to share their specific gifts for the betterment of the community as a whole. There is a mystery that happens in true community that is about it being more than just the sum of the individual parts. Paul’s message to the church in Rome was that through Christ, through seeking to live the way Jesus taught, through loving our neighbour as ourself, transformation can be found.

Being community is hard, though. It is not something that just happens. It is something that requires commitment and effort. It takes time and it takes a willingness from the members of the community to be vulnerable. M Scott Peck wrote: “There can be no vulnerability without risk; there can be no community without vulnerability; there can be no peace, and ultimately no life, without community.”

Parker J Palmer, the American writer, speaker, activist and founder of the Centre for Courage and Renewal, has much to say about being community. He lived for many years at Pendle Hill, a community of the Religious Society of Friends, Quakers. He says: “In community we bump up against each other –sometimes in ways that create magic and creative sparks fly but, sometimes, we bump up against each other in ways that are painful, hurtful and destructive. One of the things that makes community so hard is that much of how we react to others is actually about ourselves, not about them. What we can’t love about ourselves, what we are ashamed of in ourselves will be projected onto others. When we are faced with someone we can’t stand, if we take a moment to reflect, we might realise that we are looking at a mirror of ourselves. The question of how to be community and how to live together in love is about how we deal with those things about ourselves that we don’t like or find difficult in order that we grow in our self-acceptance and self-love, which then transforms into love for others. Love your neighbour as yourself is not a random statement – it is a deep insight into how we see ourselves and how we see the world.”

It is a life’s work, the journey to wholeness so that we don’t inflict our pain on each other. It is part of our human condition that even with the best will in the world, we are not perfect in our decisions and reactions and responses, we still hurt others, we react badly, speak harshly, and act out of selfishness and pride.

Over the past couple of years our student leaders have had a focus on selfcompassion, on cutting ourselves some slack, being gentle with ourselves and showing ourselves the kindness and love that we would ordinarily show to others. I think this is of critical importance to the growing of strong community.

I want to tell you about something wonderful that happened to me on my first day back at school. I went into the Professional Centre to check my pigeonhole and I found an envelope in it. A hand-addressed envelope, with a silver star sticker in the corner. I didn’t recognise the writing and I was quite excited to receive a card in the mail. So, I opened the envelope and took out the card – it had gardening implements and some new plants on the front. I opened it, and this some of what it says:

“My darling Sandy, it has been a beautiful day here at this house by the sea. I have seen a lot of depth in you today and your sharing has been so open and honest. I am really proud of you and the person you are becoming. You shared deep insights today. You are doing well on becoming a whole person – you have shown a lot of integrity and you are open to so many people. You could try to be more like this with your family, maybe. Keep looking for the shoots of spring growth in your life – they will keep coming if you keep tending the soil. Never forget that you are a truly beautiful person, beloved by God. May you be blessed, always. I love you.”

And when I had read it, I just burst out laughing and I felt so silly because I wrote this card to myself. I have to tell you that this has happened to me before, which made me find it even funnier. Over the past few years, I have been going to a series of retreats and the final activity each time is to write a letter to yourself that the retreat leader then posts to you a couple of months later. I never remember that I have written them and I always wonder who they are from when they appear in my pigeonhole. One good thing about my forgetting about them is that I don’t just look at them and think: “Oh that’s the letter I wrote to myself, I won’t bother opening it.” The card I received on Monday was an amazing gift on my first day back at work. I felt amazing and it was such an affirming thing to read to start the school year. I have to wonder why I don’t speak to myself like that all the time!

But, like so many of us, I have negative thought patterns that run through my mind about myself. They cause cause me to feel insecure and to doubt my gifts and abilities. This doubt can make me feel threatened by others, and then I act in ways that are not in keeping with who I aspire to be.

So much of the foundation of how we relate to others is about how we relate to ourselves. Strong Christian community relies on a solid foundation of selfcompassion and self-love. Love your neighbour as you love yourself.

When we look at what binds us together as community here at Dio – the shared vision for outstanding education, the values of honesty, integrity, respectfulness, and empathy from our Strategic Direction document, and the aspirational statements in our Culture code, it is clear that we have the desire and intention to be community.

There is no point in being a community that has weak foundations that will fail as soon as a storm comes. We surely want our community to be solid and lasting, built on a strong foundation of love for God, love for self, and love for others. This is the kind of community that is going to endure when the storms hit, and that is going to bring out the best in every individual member.

To ensure that our foundations are solid requires commitment and effort. I challenge each one of us to demonstrate that commitment to this community and to put in the effort. Have a chat with yourself about where you are at this point in your life with the whole 'love your neighbour as you love yourself' thing and make a commitment to talking to yourself in a more gentle, generous and compassionate way. It can be transformational.

Mums In Prayer

There is a small group of parents who meet regularly to enjoy fellowship and to pray for our School. This is a wonderful way to offer support to the School and to offer prayer for our whole Dio community. If you would like to be part of this group, please contact Anne Handley at anne.handley@xtra.co.nz or on 027 295 9079. Everyone is welcome.

We’ve had another crazy start to the year with severe weather events creating havoc and disrupting rehearsals, but our resilient performers remained undeterred. Many students have been involved in nationwide events, kicking off with the annual Shakespeare Festival, Rockquest, hip hop, NZCT Chamber Music and Big Sing regionals. We are thrilled with the results so far and look forward to more regional and national successes later in the year.