ON FAILURE AND BECOMING BELOVED COMMUNITY:
As the two of us have partnered to invite others into Becoming Beloved Community, one practice that has been important to us is to intentionally reflect on how we are working together so that we can notice unhealthy and oppressive patterns and create new ones. We are offering this “conversation” on the role of failure in Becoming Beloved Community as an example of this practice in hopes that it might provide insight into what it means to live into Becoming Beloved Community. We believe Becoming Beloved Community is a way of being and therefore, an ongoing process of transformation. It calls us to show up differently to one another and to be present to those with whom we are in relationship. It begins with us – right here, right now. Here’s a glimpse at how we both stumble through this, together.
Amy Howton: Fear of failure can be paralyzing. Unfortunately, it is so real in our culture and especially prevalent when it comes to racial justice and Becoming Beloved Community. We get stuck because we’re scared that we are going to mess up. I’m thankful that as we’ve partnered in this work, you and I have framed failure as opportunity for growth and transformation. Cherie Bridges Patrick: Yes, failure is an opportunity to learn. Can Amy Howtonn you give an example of where you’ve experienced this in our work together? Amy: This is a good question. Honestly, I feel like it’s how we have formed our relationship. Even just a few hours ago, you let me know that I was being naive in my thinking. I know this is a small example, but these moments of acknowledging where we miss the mark say to me that we are in this to learn and grow, together. It allows me to not be so paralyzed in my thinking and doing, but that we are going to see every opportunity to learn. When you pointed out how I was being naive, if I was fearful of failure that could have shut me down. But instead, I feel like it strengthened our relationship and allowed us to learn and grow.
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Cherie: When I think of failure and how paralyzing
that is for all of us at different times of our lives, where have I been paralyzed in this work? Early on, I was fearful about showing up. Fearful about Cherie showing up. In the context of our (Becoming Beloved Community) leadership group, we’ve got three white women and one African American woman. That dynamic, I can’t let that play here. There’s a history of white and black women having conflictual relationships. There’s been times when we’ve had conversations, there was a fear for me around showing up as my whole self. When do I express my anger? I can catch a lot and put the brakes on things and create space where folks are uncomfortable. So, moving through that fear and pursuing the longer-term goal which is healing. When I keep my eye on that and keep my eye on God then fear of failure becomes less of an issue; it allows me to come to the table as me. Amy: I love that. You always bring it back to the right relationship to God. It reminds that in the Bible, “do not be afraid” is the most commonly used phrase. Cherie: Yes! Amy: So that fear of failure – the way I’m starting to understand it – is when I’m getting out of my right relationship with God and I’ve moved into this place of ego. It’s about me looking good, people respecting me, me having the answers. Those are my red flags that I’m moving out of my right relationship with God. Cherie: And when I step out of that vertical relationship with God to a horizontal focus on me and you and other people, that’s when the anger and frustration and
