Q&A with author Graham Caldow

In his new book What’s Possible? Plan a Better Future for Your Young Adult with Additional Needs, Graham outlines the tools he has created to guide children and young adults with additional needs to not only live independently and securely, but be fulfilled by finding their purpose.

Graham sat down with KtoA Magazine to share his experiences as a parent of a young adult with additional needs, why he decided to write a book dedicated to planning a better future, and how important it is to celebrate every win.

Tell us about yourself

Firstly, and most importantly, I’m a husband and a father to two amazing daughters. My youngest daughter has developmental language disorder (DLD) which makes many parts of her life a challenge. I’m also now an author, a blogger, and a YouTuber after spending twenty years running my own business. I’m passionate about supporting other families as they support their young people to live their best possible lives. I want my legacy for my daughter to be that she continues to live the life she wants, long after I’m no longer around to support her.

Why did you decide to write What’s Possible?

As my daughter got older, I realised I wouldn’t always be around to support her. I saw she needed a plan for her life. From my business experience, I know it’s important to plan and make considered decisions today that will impact the future. I saw that my daughter needed a life plan which would provide clarity on what she needed in the present, and the future, to make it easier to identify options and choose those that would enable her to be safe, secure, and live a rewarding and fulfilling life. So, I developed a life plan model specifically designed to support young people with additional needs.

After supporting her in developing her life plan - and seeing the impact it’s had on how she sees her future and the peace of mind it’s given us as a family - I wanted to share what I had learned. I believe we are all part of a community and the more we share with each other, the easier it makes the journey for all of us.

Can you talk us through the different lines?

Yes, the lines come from our Route Map. For a long time now, we have seen there were four main aspects of our daughter’s life which we needed to support her with. We likened these to train lines - hence the name Route Map. Each of those four lines has various stops along it. Some stops might not apply to everyone, and some people might even add their own stops specific to them.

So, the Daily Living line relates to everyday skills our children need to live both inside and outside the home and to look after themselves. Along that line are several stops like Home Skills, Cooking, Shopping, Selfcare, and Travel, etc. This is the line that can be started early, especially around skills like cooking.

The Relationships line is about people. Our young people need human connection as much as anyone else, even if they don’t always find it easy interacting with others. Relationships with family and friends are dynamic and often change over time, and having a script helps our young people better navigate these changes. Even relationships that are more static, like with people they meet briefly, still have rules and scripts that can help the encounter go smoothly.

The Purpose line is all about the transition from school to college and beyond. This line is more linear than the others because age determines which stop they are at. But fulltime education finishes one day, and it’s better to have a plan for what’s next than to stand near that cliff-edge we all fear. Having a purpose to our children’s day, whether paid or voluntary, not only prevents boredom but also enables them to engage with the world. While a lot of what our children might do depends on where we live, there are stops we can plan for, and points along the journey, to make having a purpose to their day a reality.

The Financial line is all about ensuring our young person has financial security and isn’t left without the money they need to live a safe life. There is a lot we can do to ensure this, whatever our level of income. The key is financial organisation as well giving them as many money management skills as possible. After all, our legacy isn’t only about the money we leave, but it’s as much about the habits and attitudes we leave them with.

What advice would you give for transitioning into further education or employment?

Plan the journey ahead. Don’t rely on chance to take you there. Make your own luck by having a vision of where your young person wants to go and involving them in the discussion as much as possible. Research what options are out there and decide which is the best option to get them to where they want to be long term. Think about how all of the lines work together. For example, Travel on the Daily Living line might be an important skill to focus on if they want to move on to college or a supported internship.

Do you have any ‘top tips’?

I think the big one is never giving up. We are our children’s life coach, and it’s our job to help them keep going. Also celebrate every win and make sure they know how awesome they are. We all get too many negative inputs in our lives, but this is especially true for our young people. So, every time they achieve something, use it as an opportunity to remind them of what’s possible.

What’s Possible? Plan a Better Future for Your Young Adult with Additional Needs is available now. You can find out more about Graham’s work at redgiraffesolutions.com