It Makes No Never Mind

by James Nalley

At the time of this publication, Mainers will have survived yet another set of winter and mud seasons. This brings to mind the well-known line from Thomas Tusser’s 1157 poem, A Hundred Good Points of Husbandry: “Sweet April showers Do spring May flowers.” Although it would be more appropriate for Maine to write “Sweet April [mud] Do spring May flowers,” the end result is the same: It is time to take out the vases and brighten up your home with some colorful flowers.

In this regard, May is tulip season in Maine. According to Andy Brand, Curator of Living Collections at the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens in Boothbay, tulip bulbs are usually planted in the fall before the ground freezes and by planting varieties with different bloom times, there will be tulips blooming from early to late spring. In addition, “tulips are divided into classes based on bloom time and form. One of the most intriguing classes is the fringed tulip, with Cummins as a fine example. Each lavender-violet petal is adorned with frilly white fringes that reminds me of frost crystals on a chilly spring morning.”

In general, tulips are cup-shaped with three petals (the parts of a flower that are often colored) and three sepals (the outer parts of a flower that enclose a developing bud). There is also just about a tulip for every setting, ranging from small ones in woodland areas to larger ones in formal garden beds. Moreover, the upright flowers, which grow one per stem, can vary in shape from simple cups and bowls to complex goblets. As for their height, they can range from 6 inches to 2 feet.

Among the many beautiful varieties, there are the wild tulips, such as Lilac Wonder, which are small (3 to 8 inches) and tougher than hybrids. Triumph hybrids are the typical single, cup-shaped tulips that make up the largest grouping of the flower. They include: Calgary, with snowy-white petals and bluegreen foliage; Ile de France, with red blooms on stems that can be up to 20 inches; and Cracker Tulip, with purple, pink, and lilac petals.

Finally, with all of this information on tulips, why not expand your knowledge a bit more? First, as stated in the Almanac by Yankee Publishing, “If you dig up a tulip bulb in late summer, it is probably not the same bulb you planted last fall. It is her daughter. Even while the tulip is blossoming, the bulb is di- viding for the next generation.” Second, in 17th-century Holland, the newly discovered tulip was “such the rage and fashion that a handful of bulbs was worth approximately $44,000” (in today’s economy).

On this note, let me close with the following jest: A bagpiper was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a remote cemetery and this man was the first to be laid to rest there. Since the bagpiper was unfamiliar with the area, he became lost. He eventually saw a backhoe and crew, even though a hearse was nowhere in sight. Anyway, he apologized, threw a tulip in the open grave, and played the songs with his heart and soul. Meanwhile, the workers gathered around and started to weep. After he finished, he said a short prayer, packed his bagpipes into his car, and drove off. After he left, one of the workers said, “Sweet Jesus! I’ve never seen nothin’ like that!...and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for 20 years!”