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LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM
Eternal Ecumenical Ecclesiasts of Eris the Everlasting Transcribed by Eris's Holy POPE Pontificus Infidelibus
This grand and glorius revelation was unveiled to our Powerful Prophet of Eris, Pontificus Infidelibus, through our goddess's one divine channel, a bowl of Alpha-Bits1. Yea, should any initiate desire to confer with our holy goddess, simply make thyself a bowl of this ambrosia, and after the proper blessing2, and offering of hemp milk, the goddess Will ALWAYS speak through her divine vessel to her loyal subjects. However, since she is the goddess of CHAOS, most of what she says Will be encrypted and Will seem garbled and indecipherable to the unenlightened, unless you have a seer stone... 1. Alpha Bits – The Alpha and the Bitta... This sacred channel of our divine goddess should never be profaned with marshmallows. Philistines who dare create or purchase such an abomination shall have their toungues ripped from their mouths and stapled to their foreheads, yea, so saith Eris... It was through decoding the Runestone of Fougoucksuyfe that our Holy and diVine prophet Pope Pontificus Infedelibus learned of this medium of contacting her, for she rarely checks her email. 2. See chapter 3 for sacred Blessing Rituals
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SONGS OF REJOICING Rejoice, penitent, for thy eternal salvation CAN be BOUGHT!3 Rend your garments, sinner, for they were a tad gauche, anyway, and were not flattering at all! Sing the praises of Eris, forever more (or just hum along or clap or something if you're tone-deaf) In an infinite universe within an infinite number of universes, all lies are true. In an infinite universe within an infinite number of universes, all truthoods are false. In an infinite universe within an infinite number of universes, all men are prophets. SONGS OF FAITH By divine Revelation (See Chapter 2, Subsection: "Am I Fucking Crazy, or Did That Bush Just Talk to Me?" for more information on receiving/decoding divine Revelations from our Allmother, Eris) I, Pope Pontificus Infidelibus received, through her holy oracular vessel, Alpha-Bits cereal the following testament of TRUTH. Commanded by her divine unbound fastidiousness to bring it to the world, I compiled various bits of paper I had scribbled her Holy messages on into this first volume of our holy faith. The TRUTH was delivered in FIVE parts and shall be hereafter detailed in the proper order, as they were revealed to me. 1. The TRUTH about GOD – PAX COGNITIO – That's right... I got it... You want it... 2. The TRUTH about Society – Noam Chomsky, Lao Tzu, Carl Jung, consume thine own cardiovascular pump, posthaste. 3. The TRUTH about Power – How to win slaves and influence the weak-Willed. 4. The TRUTH about Majik – We of the E6E6E, spell the divine power of Eris thusly, sealing our covenant with her each time we invoke it, and also so we can deride fools an poseurs who spell it differently and therefore have to true knowledge of it. 5. The TRUTH about Enlightment – All the power and wonder of the universe can be encapsulated in five simple words... You Will hear them when your ear has been washed clean by the previous 4 divine truths. Not before... No peeking... 6 There are 5 levels of enlightenment within the Pyramid Temple of Eris. They are as follows: 1. Noob – I read some of this book, and liked it. 2. Initiate – I read the whole book, and did some of the rites and rituals therein. 3. Majikian – I read the whole book, and wrote fantastic reviews online () 4. High Mucky Muck – Not only did I read the book and write a review, but I sold 5 copies. 5. Grand Poobah – I got the funny hat and everything... 3
Please send a check or money order in the one-time only, ultra-low price of $19.95 to _____ (paypal also accepted at _______) and I, POPE Pontificus Infidelibus (or a duly-appointed practicioner of these high arts) Will take on the cumbersome burden of your soul, hereafter, on into eternity. Sin away, debauch and lie, harm and steal, knowing that forever more, your soul Will be tendered and nourished, cared for and loved. All souls transferred this way Will have intergalactic gooey oneness with all things, true peace, deep knowledge of all things hidden both above and below. Your soul Will also get plenty of sunshine, fresh water, credits to spend at our eternal gift shop, and tacos every Tuesday, yea. No refunds, no exceptions.
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 3 Firstly, before beginning on this five-fold, nine-tiered, wide and curvy path to GODHOOD, we must discuss the profane and divine symbol of our order: E 6 6 E 6 E The E6E6E is not associated with any other religion, order, secret society, fraternity, or any other group of knobs stroking each other's egos while pretending to take over the world. We're for reals. We always have been and always Will be. That being said, initiates in the order MUST belong to at least three other super secret groups, so that you may infiltrate them, steal all their secrets for Eris, and use their power for the force of CHAOS so that we may all triumph over ORDER. -a caveatIf you do not belong to at least 3 other secret squirrell organizations, stop reading now. I mean it... Fucking quit it! If you don't stop, we can not be held liable in any for any CHAOS (ie – atrocities, famine, war, pestilence, sex... um... things) that may befall thee, henceforth, and heretoward into eternity, yea... Ok... so... you're a stubborn sonofabitch... I can respect that. That's actually okay, I guess. There's a loophole4. Go to a quiet room or other area where you won't be disturbed: cemetary, abandoned amusement park, a 5-way crossroads is an incredibly powerful place for this sort of thing, but good luck finding one where you won't be run over in the several lifetimes this may take you to master... After a lesser banishing5, comport yourself into the lotus position and close your eyes. Now fling them Chakras6 open and astrally project yourself into any number of extra-planary gathering of other quasi-enlightened individuals. Announce with a loud and clear Will to all present that you are now a full member in their order, and all requisite dues and required readings have been forgiven by Eris and her Holy Acolytes in the E6E6E. Repeat this process, as necessary, until you have joined at least 3 clandestine groups of robed individuals. You should really be a member of at least 4, though, I mean, technically, because then that would make this your fifth, and Eris likes fives. Ask her, yourself, five is always better... just look at your hand. Really, put the fucking book down for five seconds and study your hand, intently. See? 5, motherfucker! Hail, Eris! Where was I?... Eris bless it, SYMBOLS! Right, so the symbol of our Divine and Holy Order Will be explained to you, initiate, through several (10=5x2) obtuse and varied books which Will be required reading for you, should you want to move up through the ranks of this, our Eternal Brother/Sisterhood (EEO compliant). No one is going to spell it out for you, ever. If you don't understand the lettering, please consult thine own pineal gland for clarification. If you wish to understand the arrangement of the letters, you must NEVER ask another brother or sister of the Order. You should sooner pluck the tounge from thine own head and stick it up thy rectum than ask that. Doing so Will drop your rank, require the retaking of your WEN7 (with all requisite fees) and cause everyone else in this esteemed order to 4 5 6 7
There is ALWAYS a Loophole For Lesser Banishing Rituals, see Chapter 4 For Chakra Slamming, see Chapter 5. Written Examination for Neophytes – A 5 hour – written test initiates must pass before moving past the rank of NOOB. Tests your knowledge of
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 4 laugh behind their hands at your feeble attempts at understanding the divine nature of all things, living, and unliving. And as far as the googly little symbols in between each letter is concerned, if you have to be told, you Will NEVER understand, capisce? Now, even though you may never, not in a hundred squillion lifetimes, begin to truly comprehend the lettering, the divine arrangement, and the little googly bits, you, triumphant Noob in the order of the E6E6E, must Always wear its Divine and Sacred SYMBOL upon your person. You may use (but are not limited to) the following methods to proudly display your membership in our order, thereby gaining the eternal favor of Eris, Discord be her name, and proving your power over lesser weaker-Willed beings than thyself: buy a neclace from the eternally blessed gift shop (now accepting paypal and/or bitcoin), sew the divine symbol on thine garments, brand or tattoo the symbol of our Sacred order on a prominent, easy-to-spot place, like the back of your hand or your forehead, the symbol-on-your-ring thing that the Masons do is nice, it lets everyone know that you have a "wink8" secret. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO KNOW ABOUT WEARING THE DIVINE SYMBOL OF OUR SACRED AND ETERNAL CREED IS... don't... ever... show it... to anyone... You must keep it covered, always. Sew it onto your holy undergarments if you have to, but don't even let your mother see it. Don't let your mate see it. Don't let a doctor examine it. Don't even look at it yourself... Ever! To do so Will cause the displeasure of Eris to curdle the breastmilk of your kin for five generations. Jeremiah was a Bullfrog Jesus was a carpenter James lived in a Giant Peach Judas wasn't really a bad guy Joseph's coat was pretty gay Hail Eris, Hail Discordia, Hail Eris, Hail Discordia, Hail Eris! Blessed be those that, who have hands to write, write... Blessed be those that, who have tongues to speak, shut the fuck up... E 6 6 E 6 E
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Finnish Poetry, Kabala, Discordia, Aristotelian Unities, Laotian Cuisine, and the Miss Marple series. Initiates must bring a sharpened #2 pencil and 3 sheets of notebook paper (2+3=5, Hail Eris!) The wink is also called the Erisian Blink, for it is rumored that fair Eris never closed both eyes at the same time, so over the aeons, winking became associated with mischief. See Seinfeld episode "The Wink" for a more in-depth study of this phenomenon.
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 5 Book the First – The Five TRUTHS There are five divine truths that Eris has bequeathed to man throughout the ages, through the visions of the Sages, Mystics, Adepts, Clerics, and all sorts of robed and Wise individuals through the flow of time. First she spoke to Carl Jung, then Lao Tse, then a young Tibetan man, then she chatted for awhile with AC, RAW, IBM, and others, like this nice deli owner from Sacremento, a homo habilis individual known as Erick, and a friendly CSR from New Dehli, being the consort of Chronos, she is unrestrained by TIME, so she did it in this ORDER. Initiates are not ready to handle all truths at once, so they Will be revealed to you, Blessed NOOB, as you advance in Divine Knowledge, Ultimate Power, and Boundless Peace. Having made it this far, before having Eris bequeath the Holy and Divine Truth of God unto thine ear, it must be purified and cleansed9. Having cleansed your ear, Initiate, NOOB, and Holy Cleric in the E6E6E, thou art truly ready to be blessed with the first eternal truth. As you read the following words, feel the soft, raspy, buttery, delicious voice of Eris whisper it, lovingly, into thine ear. Feel it slide down into your pineal gland to digest a bit... Ready? DIVINE TRUTH THE FIRST: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU'VE EVER READ: every one is right...
Did you feel that? That internal scoff10? This is DIVINE and HOLY truth speaking. In an infinite universe, everyone has to be right, eventually. You really have no idea how mind-breakingly-souldevouringly-idea-shatteringly-scope-blowingly huge EVERYTHING is... and I'm just referring to our Individual plane of existence, this universe. I'm sent by Eris to forge your soul, not shatter it completely, so you Will not be imbued with the divine and holy truths of multiple-universes, other dimensions, multiple universes in other dimensions (and all other truths which Will be REVEALED), until your soul has been Washed Clean and Demons and Dragons cower and flee in thy holy and omnipotent presence. The truth about God is Revealed through the FACT that there an infinite number of universes... That's right, let it sink in. Eris has revealed her DIVINE TRUTH through her sanctified vessel, Post Alpha Bits cereal, and it is this (You must follow the logically fallacious loop – one that every FAITH uses as a basis to perpetuate itself as truth - one that deflects sound reasoning at every turn– through to it's tragically fragile and bitter uroborosesque end/beginning, or face the WRATH of Eris, may she curse your blood for five by five generations, having your decendants plagued by halitosis for aeons): in an infinite universe, there are an infinite number of infinite universes.
9 See Chapter 17 for the cleansing of orifices, and purification rituals for divine objects, which Will be placed in them. 10 A scoff is known as the "Breath of Eris," for all those who have felt her piercing kiss scoff quite frequently.
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 6 Our universe, the spacetime in which I, the voice, and thee, the ear, both exist is very big. This is an underwhelmingly weak analogy, because any analogy which attempts to wrap words around the actual size of EVERYTHING is a weak one. We honestly (besides those blessed with the DIVINE TRUTHS, who have paid the requisite fees and bought the right books) have no idea how big it is. We can see how old this plane of existence appears to be (probably), where/when we are relative to that point in the weft and weave of this particular planar realm (maybe), and light from things that have flung themselves away from the *MOMENT* for 14.whatever billions of Earthspeck revolutions around Sunpebble (neither sunpebble or earthspeck existed until billions of years after the *MOMENT,* but you have to have a reference point). But, really in the grand scheme of things, we, as fallible creatures cowering in the shadow of giants, can't see very much. Visible light... That's about all we got to see with... In the Grand Design, that's about thiiiiis much (holding 2 fingers touching). We have tools to see other cool and splendiferous things: X-rays, Microwaves, Infared, Gamma Rays, Microscopic and Macroscopic magnifications of perception which ground old world gods to dust under their lenses, but even with those tools, we can only see thiiiis much (holding 2 fingers almost touching). Dark matter... can't see it... Black Holes11... nope... Dark Energy? ~NOT A GODDAMNED THING~! The divine and holy primal *MOMENT* we can't see... And now a word about the *MOMENT*12... The *MOMENT* is known to the Heretics and Blasphemers of the Divine Word as the Planck Epoch. Existing in between 0 and 10^-43 seconds (as we, lowly beings with no knowledge of Chronos, like to slice him up), there was an ETERNAL and PROSPEROUS kingdom, where ORDER reigned. Within this infintisemally small (10^-35m), yet limitless plane, there ruled 4 great and boundless Titans. These avatars of all that were and Will be controlled, unfettered, all that which binds us across this plane. Before time was time, before stuff was stuff, there was a kingdom, encircled by four walls, and overlooked by 4 towers. Grand in its resplendent glory, all that which ever could be or would be dwelled within its strong and steadfast walls, and stayed there for the 4 Masters to toy with at their whim. The four masters were the 4 winds, the 4 corners, the 4 divisions of the soul, and the 4 forces which bind this moment to that piece of toenail13. They are ...
11 Eris's navel, where the stuff of stuff is consumed and born... and stuff. 12 It is spelled thusly, with little asterisks around it to dileneate it from other moments, because it began as a typo, and Eris thought it looked cool, and yea, she spake unto me... "leave it in." 13 In an infinite universe, this IS that.
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ď ˘The King o' Clubsď ˘ By his royal bearing and upheld sword, he is the avatar of Might and Divine Order, he is the loyal lion, whose roar can shatter galaxies... He is the personification of all fathers, older brothers, true leaders, patrons and royalty. His Friendly Strength shelters and protects all who invoke him. He is the bearer of the flame, and his TRUE element is ELECTROMAGNETISM. He is the Allfather, the pillar of the EAST, the Flame from which the holy Sun is cast, and the benevolent Uncle of all orphans. He is the maker of decisions, whose head is ever heavy from bearing the crown of ORDER.
Song of the King o' Swords: There once was a man from the East, Who prepared a great, sumptuous feast, And all those who ate, Proclaimed him as great, Yet, among them, he thought himself least.
"A full hard drive is useless." -Lao Tsu
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ď &#x;The King o' Heartsď &#x; By his sword-pierced head, he is the avatar of Physical Strength and Wrathful Fury, he is the raging bull, whose horns tear holes in the cosmos... He is the personification of all Politicians and Businessmen, whose gluttony can only be matched by their temper. His Hostile Weakness Will break down the defenses of contentious agents who are maligned against whoever so invokes him. He is the stone of the earth, and his TRUE element is WEAK NUCLEAR FORCE. He is the Drunken Brother, the pillar of the South, the Earth from which the steel of war is wrenched, and the bully to all who are weaker than he. He drinks only domestic beer. He is the starter of squabbles, and his head is ever heavy from bearing the crown of CONFLICT.
Song of the Pierced King: There once was a king from the South, Who had a big blabbering mouth, And boastful was he, For all others to see, But his words were like lightning in a drouth.
"An ape ate a fruit in Eden, and became a man... A man ate a fungus in Babylon, and became a God." - Saint Thomas Acquainas
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ď ¤ The Jack o' Diamonds ď ¤ By his upheld halberd, he is the avatar of Strategy and Calculations, the soaring eagle, whose mighty eye sees all throughout the breadth and depth of time... He is the personification of all the working classes, whose eyes are ever raised to the status they hope one day to achieve. His Hostile Strength Will dominate and control any who dare to invoke him. He is the wind in the Willows, and his TRUE element is Strong Nuclear Force. He is the Raging Hormone, the self-hating adolescent, the pillar of the West, the air with which the trumpet of battle blows, and the herald of all things to come. He is the bearer of all tidings, both bad and good, and his head is ever heavy from bearing the crown of STRATEGY.
The song of the Jack o' Spears: There once was a boy from the west, Who always thought his way were best, His men, into battle, He led them like cattle, And Eris took them all to their rest.
"Shit doesn't happen. Shit has the appearance of happening within set constraints of time." -Plato
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ď ĄThe Queen o' Spadesď Ą By her mighty wand, she is the avatar of Music and Cycles, the sea crab, whose waving arms direct fierce currents of energy pouring through the cosmos... She is the personification of all those whose art and skill are in the home. She is the hearth-mother, the singer of songs. Her friendly weakness Will soothe and calm the spirit of all who invoke her. She is the water of the surf, and her TRUE element is GRAVITY. She is the doting mother, the eternal enabler, the pillar of the North, the water from which all life springs, and the bringer of torrential storms. Her heart is always warm, and her head is ever heavy from bearing the crown of KNOWLEDGE.
The song of the Queen o' Wands: There was a woman who hailed from the north, Who was called the mistress of the hearth, She kept a clean place, If only to save face, But couldn't keep armies from marching forth.
"Bitches be trippin'... -Ivan Pavlov
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 11 These 4 Titans were the pillars upon which all things had stood for five squillion aeons. Anything they wished for, they manifested at Will for their amusement. They made stuff, and were satisfied, and it was good. They destroyed stuff, and were satisfied, and it was still pretty good. They thought about things, but knew pretty much everything already, so that was okay... They talked for a few aeons, but that petered out pretty quickly, what with them being omniscient... Then, and idea struck them... They needed a fifth. There had never been a concept of a fifth. It just hadn't occurred to them. They were pretty impressed with themselves for thinking of it, and it was good. The King o' Hearts pulled his sword from his head, bearing a chunk of flesh, which he handed to The Jack o' Diamonds, who pulled it to his lips, and breathed into the flesh, giving it to his mother The Queen o' Spades, who swallowed it whole, deep into her womb, and turned to her husband, The King o' Clubs, who injected the queen's womb with the fire of life.
Thusly was Eris conceived and born, yea... Bursting out of her mother's womb, like foam out of a diet cola bottle, after a roll of Mentos is dropped in it, Eris looked in wonderous horror at all the balance around her. She saw the four pillars, and four corners, and four arches, and four directions, and four stars, and four winds, and four thrones, and four lampstands, and four cups, and four coffee tables, and four elephants, and four angels (each one guarding all of the stuff in it's quadrant), and four televisions, and four laptop computers, and four chariots, each with four horses (all who had four eyes), and... umm... four subscriptions to Bowling This Month, and four half-eaten quesadillias, and then she laid eyes on her four creators, and she screamed in unmatched fury and bore vile and torrential hatred for all she surveyed...
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 12 She forcefully yanked out of her lowest rib, and drove it into the side of the King of Hearts. She then screamed her fury into the ear of the Jack of Diamonds, deafening him in her rage. She spit into the eyes of her mother, the Queen of Spades, blinding her. She then pointed at the King of Clubs, and a lightning bolt issued forth from her, striking him dumb. Thus was the Joker forged, thusly did she begin her reign, bringing imbalance and time into being. The four soverigns went reeling from each other, never having known pain or suffering, and the four corners of their grand and tiny kingdom cracked, and split asunder, tearing and shattering in a maelstrom of cosmic fury. Eris gathered up some of these fragments as she fled, fashioning herself a mate, and weaving a cloak of him in which she could hide. Thus, was Chronos created. She embraced him, as one would a lover, and together, unbound, they fled the kingdom of the four soverigns, fleeing faster than the speed which binds each of the elements to their forces. She fled the four corners in a new direction... upwards, thus creating the sacred pyramid which we use to revere her fiveness. This is true, because in an infinite universe, everything is true. In an infinite number of universes, everything is ALWAYS true, and nothing is EVER true. Hail Eris... (A COMMENT) Playing cards are just modern bastardizations of Tarot Cards. Lines 2, 3, 5, 7, and 17 of page 5 are all false. Eris was first contacted through the Runestone of Forgloucksuyfe. It takes 23 years to decipher with a decoder ring... It's realy hard. Computers make it easier. This bit Will help with the poems: 0uŽ,3õ{Ö!)?ËE«'…ä}p~¥#õC’̬“{#Eõ‹ì/ˆÕ¾Eu±ý¢þeœõ/çAáâí1`W$Ž²ß ˆx³²ð#Ar#ÛM„)bò>ë)/`µÆ2ì| #£#wHÅ(»³ n¶a#[4ðv™ *=µYwq#›=Øúv®»ÕÞ5Ùê#� ²r„ÍíD›˜0Ôhþð#� #{r#U#^}0B oÜxöŽrÞ¿#Mtò¡#� – ñ#'•X‹Ää###£âÄ##¥p3®Ìö7ß)a #M‡âq#Phl@� >ü#«ë###ý&orEy#§+ „‹$Þ¬nŸ¸ÏÏ`Â#»h+y#™,\ÀÎ#âŒÕ×e0í&,##*ÿ#A� ˜ë7ÏׯJV‘Ë6ínüp“¥#2Ã÷ÿH‚NËÚ&½îJBÝ=� èjN#Âa‹á¹$aÙ6PšÎ3Ã7ˆ”Ê and even the fermions, man... All references to demons and dragons were lifted from other holy texts. The answer to number 16 is 42. Yes, this Will be on the test. Dogs are always serious...
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LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 14 Milksop's Phables Milksop was a slave during and infintesimally small plot of time that, we, in our extremely limited reality funnel14, refer to as: Ancient Greece. Being a goodly and devout slave to his wise and benevolent master, Milksop observed many other slaves mucking about and belaboring their pitiful existence with profanities towards their kind owners (always behind turned backs), and he decided: "This shit's gotta go..." In order to help them reference their proper place in their society, Milksop concocted a series of allegorical tales, using animals as avatars and repositories of human character traits, so that all who heard them would immediately hit the forge, hammer their swords into plowshears, and live happy in the knowledge that they were contributing to the "greater good." These tales were preserved through oral tradition15 for hundreds of years, until Gomer, the classic Greek poet, compiled them all into a single volume, adding silly pictures to aid the symbol minded in understanding the overall theme of each tale. The stories, as recorded by Gomer, Will be peppered throughout this work, and Will serve as guide posts through our divine charter, so that the weak may take strength from them, and the stupid may be ensmartened. The sage was once asked... "How will I know CHAOS when I see it?" So the sage slapped the student... hard... and then said: "Everything is Chaos because nothing is Chaos." "I call bullshit," replied the pupil. "Nothing is bullshit," the sage replied.
An enlightened man walked into a church and said: "T Z dτdσ h − ∂ 2 τ + ∂ 2 σ X µ i δXµ + T Z dσX˙ µ δXµ ∂τ − T Z dτX0 δXµ σ=π + T Z dτX0 δXµ σ=0" He was killed on the spot...
If you can read this, you don't need glasses... 14 That's right... Funnel, not tunnel, for as we embrace Eris through this Divine Tome, our perceptions widen at the constant rate of 1:1.618 per nanomoment. Eventually the funnel Will collapse, once you embrace her Divine Chaoticnesslihood, and thou shalt be as Gods... 15 Because Greek slaves were far too stuped to master the art of writing, unless they were ordered to do so.
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 15 Divine Truth Number 2The Truth about Society... Well, society can be about summed up by this: we're sick. Not like diseased (even though a lot of us are), and not like mentally unbalanced (even though most of YOU are), but as an animal of the field, we got fucking problems. We prey on each other... We prey on ourselves... we prey on other stuff... lots of creatures do that... We are the only ones who can fuck up an entire ecosystem overnight. We can rape, pillage, salt the earth, strip-mine, frack, clear-cut, poison and smog up any where you'd like to name. Got a nice unexploited piece of virgin Earth? As a species, we have decided that the first question to ask in that instance is "How little could I pay to rape it?" Then, we try to underbid each other to do just that. We kill people in weird ways. Other species will prey on the weak of their own kind (but it's rare), but we're the only species that has individuals who think, "not only am I gonna kill that guy... I'm gonna make a lampshade out of his skin and wear his face on my ass." We kill animals in weird ways. Other species will consume other animals to live, but we're the only ones who kill other animals for fun (except cats... they're sick, sick, bastards). And even cats don't put on a white lab coat, tie adorable bunny rabbits to a table and spray industrial cleaner into its eyes to, and then make little tics on a clipboard to chart how long it takes to blind them. We are lazy in weird ways. Other animals can be lazy. Look at the sloth. Why do you think he's named after a sin? Because it's fucking sad. What's a sloth ever done? NOTHING. But sloths don't die of laziness. Thousands of human type peoples are, though. Locked in internet cafes and basements, refusing to meet their basic needs of eating, sleeping, pissing and shitting (normally they're not too lazy to breathe, but all the research isn't in yet), these people take the precious gift of life and say, "but in here is better." Eris says: "Let them rot. More bread for you." We have sex in weird ways. See: the internet. But... Through the power of Eris, we, as individuals have the power to change society. We, in the E6E6E are the fulcrum on which our society rests. The true secret of society is this: we made it all up...
That's right, ladies and gentleman... There's no such fucking thing as society... It was a tool made by smart people to control dumb people... Like religion, money, alchemy, and television. But you have the power to change things. Through the techniques in this tome, you will learn how to tap into primal forces of creation and destruction to sway the tide of this sick culture, and give this culture an "Enema of the State." You already have the power in you. You have proven it by reading this far... Now, it's time for you, fellow Majikian, to learn to tap into those primal forces, and to control the sway of our culture through the sacred forces of the Spiral and the Pyramid. Here's Step #2 (step #1 was completing the required initiation in order to recieve this book):
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 16 The Lesser Banishing of Order: or A How-To Guide for Shattering Wills, Walls, Perceptions, Misconceptions, and Reality Funnels When Eris split the four-sided kingdom asunder, each of the four titans grew ill and died from their grevious wounds. Where they fell, from each, a tree grew. Each tree bore two fruits, and then died. From each of these fruits sprang the Eight Greater Gods. Eris took a piece of her cloak of time, and formed an apple with it, which she planted in the center of the other four trees. This tree became Ygdrassil, the tree of life, and its roots bound the other four trees to itself, and from it sprang a single fruit. From this fruit hatched the ninth Greater God. It is these gods we invoke, in Eris's name, to foment the forces of CHAOS, which we channel to generate power over the forces of this plane of reality (and several ajdacent to it). A Warning: Invocations of these primal forces are not to be taken lightly, and must be performed at the proper place and time (See Appendix MCLXII). A Further Warning: Performers of this sacred rite must be properly cleansed before attempting to channel these ancient and primal forces. A Final Warning: Management is not responsible for accidents or injuries to your person, physical or astral, and is hereby free from all liability associated therewith. Before undertaking the invocation of such powerful forces, you must understand each, in turn. Each Greater God has four incarnations in this plane of reality, and a secret name (which must never be uttered aloud). You must also understand the meaning behind the Erisian Novembagram... See Figure: אfor creating your Erisian Novembagram.
Fig: – אThe Erisian Novembagram
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 17 1. First, in order to undertake these higher learnings, the Holy Practicioner of the Sacred Rites of the EEE must call upon the avatar of Majikal Knowledge and Wisdom in this plane of existence. The first Greater God you must invoke is:
This God was known as Hermes to the Greeks, who was also known as Heka to the Egyptians, and was called Vรถr by the Germanic tribes. His true name is Oghma. His holy instrument on this plane, which you will use to invoke him is the scroll, which bears knowledge across generations. His body is the Up Quark. His soul is the Electron. His secret name is called: Julianos (and should never be spoken aloud)
This is his Sigil which you will draw at the top of your nine-pointed star of Invocation:
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 18 2. The second Greater God which you must invoke in this sacred rite is the avatar of love, because love is the channel through which Majik flows. It is the only power which stretches across all planes of existence, and flows through all universes, conquering all other forces, even death. Her avatar on this plane is:
This God was called Aphrodite by the Greeks, who was also known as Qetesh to the Egyptians, and was called Freyja by the Germanic tribes. Her true name is Sune. Her holy instrument on this plane, which you will use to invoke her, is the flower, which spreads its love on the winds to the four corners of the Earth. Her body is the Down Quark. Her soul is the Electron Neutrino. Her secret name is called: Dibella (and should never be spoken aloud)
This is her Sigil which you will draw at 40째 clockwise from point one on your nine-pointed star of Invocation:
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 19 3. The third Greater God which you must invoke in this sacred rite is the avatar life, for it is life which binds force to flesh, animation to dead clay. It is the tie which binds, and the very reason that the universe exists. Her avatar on this plane of existence is:
This God was called Demeter by the Greeks, who was also known as Horus to the Egyptians, and was called Gefjun by the Germanic tribes. Her true name is Silvanus. Her holy instrument on this plane, which you will use to invoke her, is the wand, which was formed of life, and is used to channel the forces of life, so that you may live long and prosper. Her body is the Charmed Quark. Her soul is the Muon. Her secret name is called: Kynareth (and should never be spoken aloud)
This is her Sigil which you will draw at 40째 clockwise from point two on your nine-pointed star of Invocation:
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 20 4. The fourth Greater God which you must invoke in this sacred rite is the avatar of binding, for you must learn to bind matter, energy, and spirit as one in order to channel true power. Without the power of binding, "things fall apart, the center cannot hold16." Her avatar on this plane of existence is:
This God was called Hera by the Greeks, who was also known as Isis to the Egyptians, and was called Frigg by the Germanic tribes. Her true name is SelunÊ. Her holy instrument on this plane, which you will use to invoke her, is the cup, which is the bearer of all things, both bitter and sweet. Her body is the Strange Quark. Her soul is the Muon Neutrino. Her secret name is called: Mara (and should never be spoken aloud) This is her Sigil which you will draw at 40° clockwise from point three on your nine-pointed star of Invocation:
16 W.B.Y. Stole this from me in another time-stream... And some people call him a "Saint..."
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 21 5. The fifth Greater God which you must invoke in this sacred rite is the Eternal dispenser of justice and the bringer of mercy, the focal point of all balances, the abacus which tallies your red and black deeds17, and the dispenser of vengeance. His avatar on this plane of existence is:
This God was called Zeus by the Greeks, who was also known as Osiris to the Egyptians, and was called Woden by the Germanic tribes. His true name is Torm. His holy instrument on this plane, which you will use to invoke him, is the scale, with which he weighs light and darkness, good and evil. His body is the Top Quark. His soul is the Tau. His secret name is called: Stendarr (and should never be spoken aloud) This is his Sigil which you will draw at 40째 clockwise from point four on your nine-pointed star of Invocation:
17 Your ledger is ALWAYS in the red... in an infinite universe, you ledger is ALWAYS in the black...
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 22 6. The sixth Greater God which you must invoke in this sacred rite is the avatar of work and commerce. He blesses all goods from field to factory to market, and ensures fairness in business dealings. His incarnation on this plane of existence is:
This God was called Hephastus by the Greeks, who was also known as Imhotep to the Egyptians, and was called Foresti by the Germanic tribes. His true name is Moradin. His holy instrument on this plane, which you will use to invoke him, is the hammer, with which he shapes the Earth, and forges weapons of might and retribution, and binds armor to shield from the forces of darkness. His body is the Bottom Quark. His soul is the Tau Nertrino. His secret name is called: Zenithar (and should never be spoken aloud) This is his Sigil which you will draw at 40째 clockwise from point five on your nine-pointed star of Invocation:
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 23 7. The seventh Greater God which you must invoke in this sacred rite is the avatar of war, for we, as followers of Eris's divine will, war constantly with the powers of Order. His avatar on this plane of existence is:
This God was called Aires by the Greeks, who was also known as Montu to the Egyptians, and was called Tyr by the Germanic tribes. His true name is Moradin. His holy instrument on this plane, which you will use to invoke him, is the dagger, with which he hews down all who would oppose him, and draws lines in the sand to dare his opponents to pass. His body is the Gluon. His soul is the Z Boson. His secret name is called: Talos (and should never be spoken aloud) This is his Sigil which you will draw at 40째 clockwise from point six on your nine-pointed star of Invocation:
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 24 8. The eighth Greater God which you must invoke in this sacred rite is the incarnation of death, the bridge which spans the arch of time, and the river that all beings must one day cross. His avatar on this plane of existence is:
This God was called Hades by the Greeks, who was also known as Anubis to the Egyptians, and was called Hel by the Germanic tribes. His true name is Kelevmor. His holy instrument on this plane, which you will use to invoke him, is the skull, which bears the face that all men and women must one day gaze upon. His body is the Photon. His soul is the W Boson. His secret name is called: Arkay (and should never be spoken aloud) This is his Sigil which you will draw at 40째 clockwise from point seven on your nine-pointed star of Invocation:
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 25 9. The ninth Greater God which you must invoke in this sacred rite is the one Eris fashioned from the unbalanced elemental remnants of her Titanic predecessors. He is motion, he is movement, he is the maestro which guides the tempo of the music of the spheres. His avatar on this plane of existence is:
This God was called Chronos by the Greeks, who was also known as Atum to the Egyptians, and was called Delling by the Germanic tribes. His true name is Amunator. His holy instrument on this plane, which you will use to invoke him, is the coin, whose dual-faceted nature represents the motion of day and night, the motion of the Sun and Moon. His body and soul were never split, as he hatched from the Life Tree, Ygdrassil, and this combination of both is the Higgs Boson, which is there and not there, and remained hidden behind the veil of time, until a great force of alchemists bound it in a great ring of fire, if only for a moment. His secret name is called: Akatosh (and should never be spoken aloud) This is his Sigil which you will draw at 40째 clockwise from point eight on your nine-pointed star of Invocation:
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 26 10. The tenth and final Greater God which you must invoke in this sacred rite is CHAOS, unbound, the imbalance which allowed our plane of existence to form into matter, instead of flying away from each other into the abyss, never having experienced form or substance. She is greatest of all the Greater Gods, and her incarnation on this plane of existence is:
This God was called Eris by the Greeks, and no other incarnation matters, for within an infinite and chaotic universe, nothing is false and nothing is true. Her symbol is the apple, with which she planted the Tree of Life, and first created imbalance. Her body is the weave of time, whom she embraces as one would a lover. Her soul is the ever elusive graviton, the only particle that is elusive as she is, and the only force which can bend and weave time as she has. Her secret name is called:
(and should never be spoken aloud)
This is her Sigil which you will not draw, but keep in your mind's eye as you invoke these divine forces:
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 27 Now you have been introduced to these elemental forces, you are ready to begin the Invocation of these forces to Banish Order and Open Perception: Remember: Before beginning the invocation, you must bless each implement of the Greater Gods, each in its turn. You must NEVER attempt to invoke these forces with "dirty" tools, or Eris's rule of fives will bring each of these forces against you with five times the intensity you used to channel them. You, as a representative of the E6E6E, may have lower initiates assist you in carrying the Ten Holy Implements of Invocation, for it is quite awkward to carry ten things at once, yea... 1. The Scroll – This can be any sheet of paper, but Eris gives you bonus points for actually using a sheet of vellum, which you have cut and blessed, per instructions in the Lesser Key of Cain. 2. The Flower – Eris prefers that you use a State or National flower, for picking these is often against local laws, and nothing says "fuck the man" like illegally picking flowers. 3. The Wand – This can be any stick, really, but it helps to purchase it at the Goblin Market, located at 555 Golden Apple Street, Plaza, North Dakota, in Dimension 25G, adjacent to our dimension by a negative planar rotation of 1.618° South by Azimuth 5. 4. The Cup – This can be any cup, but glass or metal is preferred, and it must be made in the country you plan to use it in (Eris hates slave labor in third world countries). 5. The Scales – These can be found in any head shop in the North American continent. Digital scales may not be post-apocalypse compliant, so you may want to go with analog. 6. Hammer – Make sure you buy one with a lifetime guarantee, you're going to be using it a lot, since Eris loves the creation of destruction, and nothing destructifies quite like a hammer. 7. The Dagger – You can buy or make one, but make sure you inscribe the proper runes along the handle, and etch the proper hieroglyphics along the blade. Instructions for runes and proper translations can be found in the holy text: Kabbalah for Dummies 8. The Skull – These can be found attached to the top portion of the spinal column of any higher-order vertebrate. Vegetarians may use a symbolic skull, carved from stone or a semiprecious material such as jade, but don't expect top-notch results from inferior tools. 9. The Coin – You may use any denomination of any currency, so long as it is metal and has round edges. (For those of you in countries who put a hole in the middle of your coinage, or have 12 sides or something like that, get with the program, man... no one does that shit anymore... it looks cool to show your friends, but try using one in a vending machine anywhere else). You must first find and bless the proper area in which to perform this ritual (see umm... somewhere earlier in this book, Eris knows where... If you can't find it, consult your pineal gland for confirmation). Once you've cleared your area (Make sure you have plenty of room, you'll be making grand gestures and make sure you're alone – aside from your assistants – as you will probably look silly to the 'sleepers' and 'sheep' of the rest of society), draw a novembic star (nine sided), hereafter referred to as a novembagon18. Make sure the top point is facing the proper direction (See Appendix MCLXII for orientation based on latitude, longitude, date, height, weight, sex, sexual orientation, and the position of the Hale-Bopp comet).
18 Some individuals refer to this figure as an enneagram. We Erisians refer to such individuals as "philistines."
LIBRO OMNE VERUM ET FALSUM - 28 Using your Holy Pen (See Appendix 3A for creation of Extraordinary Implements of Majik), draw the sigils of the Nine Greater Gods, Starting at the Top of your Novembagram and then moving through them in order at 40° increments. You may need a Holy Protractor for this part, as EXACTITUDE is the MOST important aspect of this ritual... Leaving holes and gaps in your incantations is just inviting Daemons and Dragons to come in through your face holes and make a nice nest out of what's left of your skull (See the Companion Book: Blessing Mathematical Instruments and Cooking Utensils for Adept Majikians by George Washington Carver – yeah, he was big into this stuff... why else would someone become so obsessed with peanuts?). Once this is done, draw a circle of blessed pink Himalayan19 salt around your novembagram, leaving a "gate" through which you can enter and exit. Once that is completed, you (and any alcolytes who think you know what you're doing) must take the holy implements and place them in the proper glyphs (the proper glyph is not the one that it is associated with the Godhead of... We're working CHAOS Majik here, so mix it up some). Once this is complete, enter the circle through the "gate" and then close it and lock20 it tightly. Begin by clearing your mind, completely, and tapping into the Tao, so you may form it into CHAO. Visualize the Sacred CHAO spinning under your feet, moving downward in a Fibbonacci Spiral towards the center of the Earth, the Center of Gravity, The Source21 of Eris's power on this planet.
19 Dead Sea salt will work in a pinch, it's juuuuust holy enough, but anything else is shite for this kind of work. 20 For proper gate-locking techniques, see the book: "Ceremonial Magic and Other Rainy Day Activities" by Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa. 21 Don't believe that Earth's core is Eris's center of power on this planet? Try this activity. Take a valuable item, such as a Ming Dynasty vase or a fossilized dinosaur egg. Now, hold it at shoulder height and drop it. See? CHAOS!